Y Ma'am Support for NomoreDrama

[finnime]

If you would like to do something tangible to support the Drama family, this is the thread to coordinate efforts. I'll let you know what specifically would be most helpful. If you'd like to contribute to one larger gesture, let me know that.

[azucena]

In. Sent you a pm.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Thank you guys.

I'm very heavy today. It's the best wordcI can come up with.

I woke up thinking about I was going to take mom with me to see Pirates of Penzance at Chanticleer when she got out.

It was my grandmother's, her mom's, favorite musical. Not sure if I still want to go. It stabs me when I think of it.

I haven't read an Anne Perry novel since grandma died. We had our little book duo. I feel pain all over again whenever I see one of the books.

I made DH throw out a pair of my pajamas. They are the pair I wore all night into yesterday. Seeing them made me sick. I can't have the death pajamas in my house.

I can't stop thinking about my dad in total shock.

My hips and knees still hurt from that God awful chair. That's not helping.

We might be working tonight. I told dad we can take it day by day. He really can't afford not to be open now but still.

Then again routine might help because life goes on IDK.

[gs11rmb]

I’m happy to contribute either to a meal train or group gift.

[debthaven]

Same here

[raeoflyte]

Me too.

[giramomma]

In as well. Just let me know what would be best.

[taz157]

Aug 4, 2022 8:00:10 GMT -5 giramomma said:

In as well. Just let me know what would be best.

Yeah that.

[giramomma]

Aug 4, 2022 6:45:11 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Then again routine might help because life goes on IDK.

One of the families that I taught...the mom lost her her mom a few years back. Anyway, she shared that it was hard for her to have life going on while dealing with the death of her mom.

Be kind to yourself. Just being is enough right now. There is no need to make any decisions about anything now. And if you do make decisions, like you don't want to see Pirates of Penzance now, you aren't held to that decision forever.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I sent you a PM Finn. Two apparently I just figured out there is an outbox feature. Thought I didn't send the first one.

You guys are going to make me cry again. We really are a tribe here.💖

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 4, 2022 8:13:31 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Aug 4, 2022 6:45:11 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Then again routine might help because life goes on IDK.

One of the families that I taught...the mom lost her her mom a few years back. Anyway, she shared that it was hard for her to have life going on while dealing with the death of her mom.

Be kind to yourself. Just being is enough right now. There is no need to make any decisions about anything now. And if you do make decisions, like you don't want to see Pirates of Penzance now, you aren't held to that decision forever.

My dad seems to be finding routine helping.

The funeral guy said it was a first that he had someone ordering restaurant supplies while we were filling out paperwork.

He had just remembered and since it's pershiables he didn't want to forget again.

I commented to DH I wonder if those types of moments are like a release for funeral home directors. They deal with death and the lowest mo.ents in life.

I imagine it's nice to see a slice of daily life in those moments.

While there I saw an absolutely stunning porcelain horse and doll. At first I was worried it was for a child. I asked and it was a funeral for a lady who painted them. It was one of her pieces.

It was good to see. That lady goes on in her work.

My mom goes on in her poetry. Dad said she talked about trying to get it published someday.

I may not make my mom an official author but with all the websites nowadays I bet I can find one to bind her poetry for me in the future here.

[stillmovingforward]

Count me in as well.

[Anne_in_VA]

Count me in too.

[lurkyloo]

I’m in, obvs.  I am a Neanderthal and don’t have venmo or paypal, but can snail mail like it’s 1999    

[saveinla]

Count me in also.

[andi9899]

I'm in just send me a pm with anything needed and I can send it. I'm about 3 hours from DQ so can physically be around if needed for something. Just let me know.

[Deleted]

I'm in too. Just let me know what y'all decide and how to do it.

[chiver78]

I'm in. 

[finnime]

A book of your mom's poetry is a wonderful tribute to her and her life, NomoreDramaQ1015 . You and your family will remember her for many years, even generations, to come. There are a number of businesses that will put the work into print for you. You might want to ask Gwen for cover art, or use a photo of your mom or of something she cherished. I would suggest an e-book but poetry often takes some of its value from the tangible presentation. For that, a publisher would do a pdf version. I've done that for a client who wanted an e-book, heavy on the illustrations. It was a book on yoga for heavy people.

[anciana]

Thank you for organizing this, finnime, I'd like to help any way I can.

[minnesotapaintlady]

PM me the deets.

[flamingo]

I'm in! Just let me know the details. I can venmo or snail mail with the best of them!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

DH was wondering how I am handling this due to the fact I am not remotely religious.  I do not believe in God or a literal heaven or hell.

In my mind energy cannot be created or destroyed so what makes us "us" goes somewhere right?  So even if I don't believe in heaven I believe my mom's energy is in the universe.  Eventually my dad will join her and I will join her. Then our energy will eventually go into being something else in the universe be it a star, a planet or another living being.   Our energy never really dies.

Then she sorta lives on my dad made the decision to donate some of her skin to be used for cell culture in cancer research.   I was really moved he did that considering what I do for a living.  That's a fantastic way to honor my mom and also honor his dad who died from brain cancer.   I hope that choice gives him some peace.

[azucena]

Drama - maybe task Gwen with figuring out publishing.  She'll likely be glad to help and if she's like my DD be quicker at it then me.  Also let her work in the restaurant if that's feasible.  Routine may help some days, and some days you might not be up for it.

When and if you're up for it, share some of her poetry here if you'd like.  I'm sure there are a few of us who would be into reading it.

Lurky - 1999 made me LOL.  I just realized that we're 30ish years from the 90s.  My brain can't compute that, it was that long ago for goodness sakes.  And gosh darn it, there's no way I'm that old that my teens are that far behind me.  But, it's no wonder DD14 makes such fun of DH and me when we reference anything 90s.

[azucena]

I'm glad your dad could make the donation decision in his grief.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oh dear God don't remind me again that the 90s are 30+ years ago!  Bob and I were talking about it when working and it caused quite the exitensial crisis because if he's 32 I am 38.  If I am 38 he's 32.  And we have children!

That was fun for DH and J to deal with when we were busy.  The two of us in a corner practically breathing in paper bags. 

I talked to Bob about it and he is all for me, him and my dad going on vacation together next year to Colorado.   This year likely isn't feasible now that summer is over and life is going to start getting in the way again.  I proposed it to dad and he was interested.   I think mom would want the three of us together again.   We did a trip a few years ago with my parents and the girls.  Both kids still talk about it I am so glad we had that opportunity I wish we had figured out how to do another one.

DH said we can skip our family vacation that year.  He'll take the girls to Adventureland or something in that time period.  

I warned dad though I swear to God if Bob whines about the sun being in his eyes I'll throw him out of the moving car.   Every. single. time. we used to go on vacation the entire way out there he'd whine about the sun being in his eyes or being hot and want me to switch seats.  This was the days before you had to be buckled into umpteen car seats and belts to go anywhere.

Abby did it once and I yelled "Knock it off Bob!".   DH was like "Umm. . wrong person dear". 

[wvugurl26]

I'm in.

[andi9899]

Aug 4, 2022 9:42:42 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Oh dear God don't remind me again that the 90s are 30+ years ago!  Bob and I were talking about it when working and it caused quite the exitensial crisis because if he's 32 I am 38.  If I am 38 he's 32.  And we have children!

That was fun for DH and J to deal with when we were busy.  The two of us in a corner practically breathing in paper bags. 

I talked to Bob about it and he is all for me, him and my dad going on vacation together next year to Colorado.   This year likely isn't feasible now that summer is over and life is going to start getting in the way again.  I proposed it to dad and he was interested.   I think mom would want the three of us together again.   We did a trip a few years ago with my parents and the girls.  Both kids still talk about it I am so glad we had that opportunity I wish we had figured out how to do another one.

DH said we can skip our family vacation that year.  He'll take the girls to Adventureland or something in that time period.  

I warned dad though I swear to God if Bob whines about the sun being in his eyes I'll throw him out of the moving car.   Every. single. time. we used to go on vacation the entire way out there he'd whine about the sun being in his eyes or being hot and want me to switch seats.  This was the days before you had to be buckled into umpteen car seats and belts to go anywhere.

Abby did it once and I yelled "Knock it off Bob!".   DH was like "Umm. . wrong person dear". 

My babies were born in the 90s. Barely, but they were both 90s babies. Talk about feeling old.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I wish my parents hadn't been going through a rough patch when this happened.   We had so much going on it's natural, every marriage has it's ups and downs.  My dad is struggling with not being able to reconcile like he wanted.  He was planning on surprising her with a party and taking her to Colorado for their 40th anniversary in a couple weeks.

We're going to be out of town that week.  I think I'm going to ask Bob to watch him, that's probably going to be the worst time right now to get through.

I told him you and mom were married 40 years, that means something.  I am not 100% positive that it was love and not spite BUT the fact remains you guys were married that long.  Bob reminded him that they are the only parents we know that are still together from our friend groups.   So while their marriage wasn't always peaceful we don't doubt they loved each other and they shouldn't either.

I said us DQ people are not easy to love.  I've had similar problems with DH.  Yet DH is still here and mom was still there.   They love us despite our flaws.  Dad will have to learn how to forgive himself.

Listen to me talk like I have ever forgiven myself for anything.

[lurkyloo]

Haha, I‘m even worse-I remember dancing to the song as a kid and 1999 seemed impossibly far away.