Y Ma'am Support for NomoreDrama

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 4, 2022 10:01:39 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Haha, I‘m even worse-I remember dancing to the song as a kid and 1999 seemed impossibly far away.  

I have yet to see an actual Back to the Future hoverboard like I was promised.

[busymom]

Great plan finnime!  Please keep me in the loop too.


I'm frankly not surprised that Drama's Dad ordered supplies during this stressful time.  A lovely gentleman from our church lost his wife, and one of the many things he does is oversee all of our church dinners.  The day of his wife's funeral he was in the church kitchen, doing food prep.  I tried to kick him out, told him he needed to relax, when I realized that working with the food WAS helping with his stress level, so I let him do his thing, plus he's very good at food prep.  Drama's Dad probably felt a sense of "normal", plus I think his wife would approve.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I’m in.

NomoreDramaQ1015…..one of the hardest, and likely best, things I found that I had to keep on keeping on.  Even if I didn’t feel like it.  If I stopped, I thought and my brain went to places my emotions were not prepared for it to be.  When I finally allowed it to happen, I think I was better able to deal.  Use whatever tools you have in you4 wheelhouse.  You are very strong and smart, and will figure out what you need.  Of course, you have us to lean on.

It never stops hurting, but not near as bad.  

[seriousthistime]

I'm in.

I remember when my parents died.  With my dad, I was 7 years old, the oldest kid in the family, and old enough to realize we were going to be totally screwed without him.  I had kids of my own when my mom died. I remember going outside the morning I heard she was gone and marveling that the world was still turning and life was going on around me when I felt my own life had stopped. 

In both cases, it was very much putting one foot in front of the other and going through the motions until life returned to some semblance of normal. It's a sad time. 

Grief is the price of love. 

[bean29]

I'm in too.  Just send me a PM with the deets please.

My Kids were born in the 90's.  1993 and 1997.  DH and I were married in 1992, so we are married 30 years this year.  As Drama said about her parents, I can not say it has been all smooth sailing, but we are still together.  I am glad you plan to vacation with your Dad next year, I think it will be meaningful for you, your brother and your Dad to go together.

I think E-Pub books are much easier and less costly nowadays.  Idk what it would take to publish a physical book (or an e-book for that matter), and how much it might cost, but we will all be interested to hear what you find out.

I still miss my Grandma periodically and feel a sense of loss, but it is not as acute as it was.  My Dad has been gone nearly 10 years, and I also feel his loss periodically.  I will experience something and think Dad would have loved/hated this, or I will need something fixed and wish Dad was there to help.  My Belief in God is kind of fractured.  I have grown away from organized religion, maybe it is narcissism on my part, b/c I just believe their beliefs are wrong and mine are correct, so I still have the comfort of believing my loved ones are in heaven enjoying each other's company and doing things like playing Poker or Pinochle, while watching over family still on earth. 

[stillmovingforward]

We have a local bookstore that does self-published books. I've seen some of them and they are as professional as the professional books.
I think it's a lovely tribute.

[NastyWoman]

Aug 4, 2022 8:33:44 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

I’m in, obvs.  I am a Neanderthal and don’t have venmo or paypal, but can snail mail like it’s 1999    

 I'm in too but count on snail mail for me as well please. Just pm me the necessary info.

[toomuchreality]

I'd like to be in too. And even though I'm older than dirt, I can Venmo! Hahaha

[mollyanna58]

I'm in.  Just PM me the details.

[triciacus]

I would also like to contribute, I don't post often but I read the boards every day.  I am so sorry for your loss Drama, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Feel bad. I was taking Abby to lunch as a thank you for how good she's been the last couple days.

I ended up cutting it short because I started having everything from.the last night at the hospital flash through my head and it started a panic attack. I had to leave the restaurant.

[myrrh]

I am so sorry Drama. I mostly lurk but I do keep up with the YM peeps and I'm in.

[finnime]

Drama, after my mother died it was at least a couple of weeks before I could trust my own reactions in public for any length of time. I remember well talking with a sales associate about a rug and blurting out, "I know I told you I wanted it but I don't remember when. My mother just died." He was startled. I was a wreck for a time.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I almost did that at my haircut. It wasn't as relaxing as I had hoped.

But Abby loved hers. I apologized for not being able to give her a girls day today like she hoped.

I said I do appreciate how patient you have been with mommy. And she stopped me from wandering into traffic yesterday.

[Deleted]

I’m in too. Somebody just tell me what I need to do please.

Drama, even though we are kinda just words on a screen, we are a sort of family too in this community. At least Imo. And we love you!

[countrygirl2]

My dad's, was a total shock as he was killed in an industrial accident that was really hard, he was just 64. He died in 1977.  I think when parents and siblings are younger, it's a real shock.

With my mom, she had been sick for a long time, could not eat, had such heart issues she would get out of breath easy. She had COPD and severe digestive disorders and could not even swallow liquids without getting choked and had glaucoma. Just too much to live with and overcome. She got pneumonia from a feeding tube and didn't make it but a day. In these instances, you don't grieve as much. Mom was 82 and passed in 1998. That is my only immediate family, the grandparents passed long before that.

And of course, my MIL had a long illness too and was 95. I think it's a different kind of grieving when they are much younger and very hard

I'm in too.

[Artemis Windsong]

My condolences.  Bless the work of all of your hands. 

[stillmovingforward]

Aug 4, 2022 15:07:46 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Feel bad. I was taking Abby to lunch as a thank you for how good she's been the last couple days.

I ended up cutting it short because I started having everything from.the last night at the hospital flash through my head and it started a panic attack. I had to leave the restaurant.

Look at you teaching your daughters self-care. One of the most important skills anyone should have but one of the least taught!
Way to go Drama ❤️

[giramomma]

Thinking of you this morning NomoreDramaQ1015. Just continue to be gentle with yourself.

You are getting through a marathon. It's going to take a long time.

I'm starting to circle back around to projects that I started 6 months to a year ago, but had to stop. I've said "What the hell was I thinking" way more times than I usually do.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Mom actually died died at 1 am yesterday.

Dad was up there. I had a feeling that was where he went. DH kept asking me to check on him and I told him no.

Because if I was right that was an intensely private moment. And dad did not tell me so I respected that.

He knew I'd probably try to follow him.

I told DH I'm not upset about it. I let go earlier in the day. I knew dad wasn't going to call me at official time of death. Not sure I would have wanted him too.

Especially since I'm having flashbacks. He warned me that doing what I did was going to do this and it never fully goes away.

But I feel deep down if I hadn't I would feel even worse.

I couldn't get there with grandma or grandpa. I was a chicken shit and didn't visit MIL before she passed.

That one I really don't forgive myself for.

It would have killed me if I turned away from my mother. So while it's causing major anxiety I'm at peace with my choice.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

And on a funnier note DH got it into his head to try to hug my dad last night.

My dad is not a hugger and when he is it's only me, mom, the kids and maybe Bob.

It was so cringe. DH said he had no idea what he was thinking.

Me and the girls found it hysterical and I can't wait to tell Bob.

[resolution]

I'm in as well, if you let me know how to contribute. I have a Paypal somewhere that I can dust off, or snail mail. 

Drama, I am really sorry for your loss.

[lurkyloo]

Hugs Drama.  I left the hospice about an hour before Dad died.  In hindsight I think the nurse was trying obliquely to warn me with a comment that his breathing had changed, but we were all really attached to the idea that he was going to last another day.

My dad was an incredible person who lived a full life on his own terms.  We had warning with his major cognitive decline a year or so beforehand. I don’t really have significant regrets about very much.  I still avoid talking about it because I will ugly cry if I think about it much.  

It really is a seismic shift.

[azucena]

Aug 5, 2022 8:49:27 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

And on a funnier note DH got it into his head to try to hug my dad last night.

My dad is not a hugger and when he is it's only me, mom, the kids and maybe Bob.

It was so cringe. DH said he had no idea what he was thinking.

Me and the girls found it hysterical and I can't wait to tell Bob.

I can totally picture that scene if it had ever played out with my DH and my own dad, so I'm laughing out loud right now.  Too bad your brother didn't witness it firsthand.  And I particularly love that your DDs were there and understood the cringe.  I'm loving those moments with my own DDs when we all start laughing at the same moment.

[gs11rmb]

Aug 5, 2022 8:49:27 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

And on a funnier note DH got it into his head to try to hug my dad last night.

My dad is not a hugger and when he is it's only me, mom, the kids and maybe Bob.

It was so cringe. DH said he had no idea what he was thinking.

Me and the girls found it hysterical and I can't wait to tell Bob.

Your story immediately made me think of this scene when Claire tries to hug her sister Fleabag:  

It's only 10 seconds long (and contains about 10 curse words) and makes me laugh every time.  I hope your DH's hug attempt wasn't that bad!

[gracendignity]

I would like to contribute to the suppport for Drama and her family, too.  Please let me know how to do this and I'll get right on it.

Drama, I am so very sorry for your loss.  We are never ready to lose our parents!  I was 57 when my mom passed away and I still miss sharing my life with her.  Be kind to yourself and don't allow yourself to think you coulda/shoulda/woulda done things differently.  You did the very best you could with the information you had at the time and that is all anyone can do in those circumstances.  My own family is dealing with an unexpected death right now so I feel for you in a special kind of way.  Just remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace.

I rarely post but I've been a reader of these boards for years and all of you are my "close, personal" internet friends.  And that's not a bit creepy, right?  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 5, 2022 9:01:30 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Hugs Drama.  I left the hospice about an hour before Dad died.  In hindsight I think the nurse was trying obliquely to warn me with a comment that his breathing had changed, but we were all really attached to the idea that he was going to last another day.

My dad was an incredible person who lived a full life on his own terms.  We had warning with his major cognitive decline a year or so beforehand. I don’t really have significant regrets about very much.  I still avoid talking about it because I will ugly cry if I think about it much.  

It really is a seismic shift.

I had already held my vigil it was time to go home.  I hadn't slept all night.  I hadn't eaten anything since 7 pm and I barely drank anything.   I was on the verge of collapse.  Dad told me to call DH or he would it was time for me to go home.  The nurses said the same thing.

The nurses took good care of me overall.  They dimmed the lights, brought me warm blankets and they would talk with me if I wandered into the room or down the hall way.  I think that cemented though that I made the right choice not going into medicine there is no way I could handle seeing things like this day after day.  I get why suicide rates are so high in medicine.

I wondered about cardiologists specifically because around 4 am another patient on the floor coded.  Dad said there were two other ones earlier in the week.   That has to eat away at you after awhile.   While I don't always agree with their bedside manner and some can personally be assholes I do admire the will power and strength needed to keep doing that day after day,

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Aug 5, 2022 9:18:24 GMT -5 gracendignity said:

I would like to contribute to the suppport for Drama and her family, too.  Please let me know how to do this and I'll get right on it.

Drama, I am so very sorry for your loss.  We are never ready to lose our parents!  I was 57 when my mom passed away and I still miss sharing my life with her.  Be kind to yourself and don't allow yourself to think you coulda/shoulda/woulda done things differently.  You did the very best you could with the information you had at the time and that is all anyone can do in those circumstances.  My own family is dealing with an unexpected death right now so I feel for you in a special kind of way.  Just remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself some grace.

I rarely post but I've been a reader of these boards for years and all of you are my "close, personal" internet friends.  And that's not a bit creepy, right?  

Not in the least.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Working on Daisy award nomination forms.  I am pretty sure I got the male nurse's last name correct.  I do not know off the top of my head the day time female nurse's last name.  I want to nominate her too she was the one who helped me and my dad through mom's delirium.  I wonder if it will let me nominate without it.  I know her department they can maybe narrow it down.

I don't think the hospital would be willing to give out an employee's last name, nor should they.  I'll give it a try and see what happens. 

They found me a work around they are going to mail me the form itself so I can fill it out.  If I put down what department and what floor they can narrow it down to who I am talking about from their end.

I should probably add the other nurse to it as well because I am not 100% sure I got his last name right.  I caught it on his tag and made a mental note but I am horrid with names.

[azucena]

When I didn't know names, I put day, shift time, and room number.  After that, I'm sure they can figure it out, so don't spend too much effort on it.