Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 5, 2023 15:25:58 GMT -5
Idk why, but to me, he looks like a big boy getting ready to go to school when he wears this lol. I asked Mister why does Boy need all those pockets and he said to put stuff in. Ummmmm……….. okayyyyyy. LOL! I’ve never bought clothes for any of the dogs I’ve had. But now I want to. Uh oh. He's way too cute! I wish the twins would let me put clothes on them. They tend to not make them in their size so there's also that. He actually stands still and let’s us put it on. He pretty much let us do whatever we want with him, thank goodness. The day we took this picture, he didn’t seem to want me to take it off though lol. He’s almost 6 months old, so still growing. Once he gets to his full size, it might not be so easy to find stuff for him. I know it’s difficult to find stuff for Newbie. I think someone here, maybe stillmovingforward has a big dog that she buys clothes for.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 5, 2023 15:28:06 GMT -5
Thank you. It is weird in that it is rough. But also liberating in some ways. It is shocking to hear the threshold is when considering things like a danger themselves or someone else. Definitions of who has rights, and what kind of rights they have, at either end of the spectrum of life...it's going to come and bite people in the ass. And I know this is all the same stuff that NomoreDramaQ1015 has been willing to share out. I just also needed to hear it from a legal type person. So you met with a lawyer who knows about eldercare? Just trying to connect the dots. Yes, we did meet with a lawyer who knows about elder care. The lawyer echoed quite a bit of what Drama has shared out, dealing with her grandma. And Pink is also sharing out, with the Misters parents. Basically it comes down to this: unless you are so poorly off that you need a 72 hour hold, you are deemed capable of having the right to make your own decisions, which can include things like staying in a house with no heat for an extended period of time or driving with limited vision. Getting any sort of help relies on the cooperation of the aging person. So, DH thought that if I had financial POA, when my mom didn't have heat, I could pay the company to come out from her funds. Except that's not how it works. My mom would still have to approve spending the money, or at least not say "I don't want money spent on extra repair services, space heaters, or a hotel room." Since my mom was very direct about her wishes and refusing to spend money to fix the heating situation, being a POA would do nothing for me.
There are no doctors or any other neutral party that can help. My mom doesn't have regular drs.
APS might check in with her if she lost heat for as long as she did. But, other then that, they are so overwhelmed that they probably wouldn't escalate because there is family (me). Because my mom is still capable of making (poor) decisions, suing for guardianship is off the table. The lawyer was blunt. I would likely not win.
It was worth it to pay the money to know that even though I look like the asshole child, it's not because I'm the asshole. The laws, in this case, are not helping. In fact, even the law is enabling my mother.
I also have some leads on where to go to in the future. And there are some things I can do now to prep.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 5, 2023 15:29:37 GMT -5
Well, I just shelled out almost $400 to be told the only thing I can do is watch my mom self-destruct. DH was there listening. I don't think he listens clearly. Happy New Year to me! I’m sorry you didn’t get better news. Like azucena , I am curious about who you talked to, or rather, what their profession is. ETA. I missed your post explaining that. Oops!
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 5, 2023 15:39:05 GMT -5
So you met with a lawyer who knows about eldercare? Just trying to connect the dots. Yes, we did meet with a lawyer who knows about elder care. The lawyer echoed quite a bit of what Drama has shared out, dealing with her grandma. And Pink is also sharing out, with the Misters parents. Basically it comes down to this: unless you are so poorly off that you need a 72 hour hold, you are deemed capable of having the right to make your own decisions, which can include things like staying in a house with no heat for an extended period of time or driving with limited vision. Getting any sort of help relies on the cooperation of the aging person. So, DH thought that if I had financial POA, when my mom didn't have heat, I could pay the company to come out from her funds. Except that's not how it works. My mom would still have to approve spending the money, or at least not say "I don't want money spent on extra repair services, space heaters, or a hotel room." Since my mom was very direct about her wishes and refusing to spend money to fix the heating situation, being a POA would do nothing for me.
There are no doctors or any other neutral party that can help. My mom doesn't have regular drs.
APS might check in with her if she lost heat for as long as she did. But, other then that, they are so overwhelmed that they probably wouldn't escalate because there is family (me). Because my mom is still capable of making (poor) decisions, suing for guardianship is off the table. The lawyer was blunt. I would likely not win.
It was worth it to pay the money to know that even though I look like the asshole child, it's not because I'm the asshole. The laws, in this case, are not helping. In fact, even the law is enabling my mother.
I also have some leads on where to go to in the future. And there are some things I can do now to prep.
I talked to my friend who is a nurse practitioner a couple of weeks ago. She said pretty much the same things as were told. There are no resources or help for Mister’s Dad unless he got really bad, in advanced stages of dementia. And she warned me not to count on the neurologist appointment too much, because he would probably pass the tests, which he did. At least you know you tried to see if there was anything to do. If nothing else, it should help with you knowing you aren’t an asshole. Because you are NOT an asshole. In fact, given how you’ve described your relationship and troubles with your Mom since you were a child, it speaks well of your character that you are concerned enough to even try. Hugs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2023 15:59:12 GMT -5
It's sort of mind blowing to think about the dimensions of the elder care problem. If you extrapolate the number of people here on this forum dealing with the issue into the overall population, it's an epidemic thats without a vaccine, without a cure. Beyond the human toll, there's an incredible economic price too - medical care, mental health treatments - not just for the elders but also for their caregivers who experience stress related ailments, lost wages during caregiving and so much more.
While I totally agree with respecting individual rights and freedoms, I also agree that families are being asked to wait until the trainwreck happens and then pick up the pieces, rather than getting help to prevent the wreck
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Jan 5, 2023 16:04:56 GMT -5
He's way too cute! I wish the twins would let me put clothes on them. They tend to not make them in their size so there's also that. He actually stands still and let’s us put it on. He pretty much let us do whatever we want with him, thank goodness. The day we took this picture, he didn’t seem to want me to take it off though lol. He’s almost 6 months old, so still growing. Once he gets to his full size, it might not be so easy to find stuff for him. I know it’s difficult to find stuff for Newbie. I think someone here, maybe stillmovingforward has a big dog that she buys clothes for. I do ☺️ my guy is just over 100lbs. He loves his pajamas since he doesn't have any exterior guard hair to keep him warm. Most slick-haired dogs learn fast to wear jackets of some sort due to being cold.
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azucena
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Post by azucena on Jan 5, 2023 16:09:35 GMT -5
Gotta see a pic of a dog in pj's.
Pinks pic made me smile, esp the pockets ROFL.
Gira - if you're inclined to share the prep list, I'm sure a few of us would benefit. Glad the mtg also helped put you and dh on the same page. Even if he didn't fully listen, I'm sure you took notes that you fqb refer him to
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 5, 2023 16:17:14 GMT -5
He actually stands still and let’s us put it on. He pretty much let us do whatever we want with him, thank goodness. The day we took this picture, he didn’t seem to want me to take it off though lol. He’s almost 6 months old, so still growing. Once he gets to his full size, it might not be so easy to find stuff for him. I know it’s difficult to find stuff for Newbie. I think someone here, maybe stillmovingforward has a big dog that she buys clothes for. I do ☺️ my guy is just over 100lbs. He loves his pajamas since he doesn't have any exterior guard hair to keep him warm. Most slick-haired dogs learn fast to wear jackets of some sort due to being cold. I think you have before, but do you mind sharing again where you buy your dog’s clothing from?
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 5, 2023 16:20:17 GMT -5
Gotta see a pic of a dog in pj's. Pinks pic made me smile, esp the pockets ROFL. Gira - if you're inclined to share the prep list, I'm sure a few of us would benefit. Glad the mtg also helped put you and dh on the same page. Even if he didn't fully listen, I'm sure you took notes that you fqb refer him to I’m glad it made you smile. It has at least 4 pockets. We were still in the store when I asked Mister why Boy needed all those pockets (Mister picked the jacket) and when he said “so he can put his stuff in them”, it was with a straight face like he was really serious and that’s why it was so funny to me.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 5, 2023 16:27:11 GMT -5
So you met with a lawyer who knows about eldercare? Just trying to connect the dots. Yes, we did meet with a lawyer who knows about elder care. The lawyer echoed quite a bit of what Drama has shared out, dealing with her grandma. And Pink is also sharing out, with the Misters parents. Basically it comes down to this: unless you are so poorly off that you need a 72 hour hold, you are deemed capable of having the right to make your own decisions, which can include things like staying in a house with no heat for an extended period of time or driving with limited vision. Getting any sort of help relies on the cooperation of the aging person. So, DH thought that if I had financial POA, when my mom didn't have heat, I could pay the company to come out from her funds. Except that's not how it works. My mom would still have to approve spending the money, or at least not say "I don't want money spent on extra repair services, space heaters, or a hotel room." Since my mom was very direct about her wishes and refusing to spend money to fix the heating situation, being a POA would do nothing for me.
There are no doctors or any other neutral party that can help. My mom doesn't have regular drs.
APS might check in with her if she lost heat for as long as she did. But, other then that, they are so overwhelmed that they probably wouldn't escalate because there is family (me). Because my mom is still capable of making (poor) decisions, suing for guardianship is off the table. The lawyer was blunt. I would likely not win.
It was worth it to pay the money to know that even though I look like the asshole child, it's not because I'm the asshole. The laws, in this case, are not helping. In fact, even the law is enabling my mother.
I also have some leads on where to go to in the future. And there are some things I can do now to prep.
Even with a 72 hour hold the doctors at the hospital still claimed my grandmother was perfectly capable of being discharged back to Treynor. Oh well she passed the screening we gave her! So apparently not even being found what was likely minutes away from death lying in your own filth with a broken collar bone qualifies as being unable to care for yourself. Her spatial memory wasn't going. There aren't any questions on that survey about her living conditions or hygiene despite everything I read on the web saying those are key signs to be looking for in regards to dementia. Thank God for the wonderful nurses who did the intake and backed my dad up on his insistence she was a danger to herself. You are 100% correct that POA is less valuable than toilet paper. I keep getting told I have to do all this crap but can't do half the crap because it requires grandma's involvement. I wouldn't be POA if she could take care of this crap herself. Fortunately I have her SS so I regularly pretend to be her on the phone or online when I can. All being POA has done is given the nursing home a weapon to use against me whenever it suits their agenda. The only "blessing" is it is just me and my dad and we're on the same page. I couldn't imagine trying to do this with a bunch of relatives coming out of the woodwork. Cause she DID NOT want me to sell that house but she's at the point she has no choice. The nursing home wants the money so they don't care she objects. Some asshole cousin who looked the house up on Zillow could have ran with that. Even if they couldn't get me all the way in front of a judge as we have found out there are plenty of ways to make the POA's life miserable without ever having to step foot in a court or pay a penny to get the ball rolling.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 5, 2023 16:29:35 GMT -5
I found the same issues with MIL. We were worried we couldn't get guardianship but I guess she was so far gone she didn't understand what was happening. She agreed in court in front of the judge. Still even after that it was never easy. It was a 10 year mess. I'm still shell shocked from it all and still am not done with the paperwork even now.
I made tuna salad for dinner. Mopped both bathroom floors and the hallway. I have the red curtains out of the bathroom, ready to put up the yellow ones. Never found my yellow towels, that is a mystery?? but I put up the more gold colored ones so they look good.
I will put up the curtains won't take 10 minutes and going to mop the kitchen. I guess I should wash the window in there on the inside while I have them down. My hallway was really dirty so the kitchen floor will be too. Tomorrow hope to mop all the hardwood, it sure needs it.
I have a terrible time getting motivated of late. The gloomy weather, rain and blah days in the winter get to me.
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stillmovingforward
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Post by stillmovingforward on Jan 5, 2023 16:44:41 GMT -5
Gotta see a pic of a dog in pj's. Pinks pic made me smile, esp the pockets ROFL. Gira - if you're inclined to share the prep list, I'm sure a few of us would benefit. Glad the mtg also helped put you and dh on the same page. Even if he didn't fully listen, I'm sure you took notes that you fqb refer him to I can never figure out how to post pictures or I would. He's very cute! I'll look for my links tonight.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jan 5, 2023 16:46:52 GMT -5
It's sort of mind blowing to think about the dimensions of the elder care problem. If you extrapolate the number of people here on this forum dealing with the issue into the overall population, it's an epidemic thats without a vaccine, without a cure. Beyond the human toll, there's an incredible economic price too - medical care, mental health treatments - not just for the elders but also for their caregivers who experience stress related ailments, lost wages during caregiving and so much more. While I totally agree with respecting individual rights and freedoms, I also agree that families are being asked to wait until the trainwreck happens and then pick up the pieces, rather than getting help to prevent the wreck I'm torn because I've seen a lot of old people majorly taken advantage of or bullied by their kids too. Man, my neighbors were fighting a couple of their kids constantly the entire time I lived there (we're talking 20 years) trying to get them to sell the house and move into assisted living or at least just from the country into town. They loved where they were and were plenty capable of taking care of themselves, but it was just "too much for them" according to the kids. I'm thinking it was more that they were getting anxious to sell off that property.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 5, 2023 16:53:37 GMT -5
Gotta see a pic of a dog in pj's. Pinks pic made me smile, esp the pockets ROFL. Gira - if you're inclined to share the prep list, I'm sure a few of us would benefit. Glad the mtg also helped put you and dh on the same page. Even if he didn't fully listen, I'm sure you took notes that you fqb refer him to My prep list is pretty small and specific. The major things would be updating paperwork: wills, POA, etc. These are things, though, that my mom likely won't do.
For me, specifically, I have contacts for possible lawyers in the county my mom lives in. At this point, I'm trusting recommendations. It's the simplest/easiest path forward. I can is start researching senior apartments. I am unwilling to entertain looking at 10 places multiple times and not make a decision (my parents MO). And I won't be in a position to drop everything for a week to find a spot for her. But, I can get a small list of possibilities together incase the need should arise. I can also reach out to the VA to check out their benefits. I learned that VA has spousal benefits and higher sociasset limits than Medicaid.
I think there's also one social services organization that I can suggest that mom use. I'm also trying to take care of our stuff at home such that I can afford to drop everything without sacrificing more. Its one of the reasons why I'm spending most of my free time focused on our house and work.
I do want to note that my approach is not the recommend/normal way. But its what I have to work with.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 5, 2023 16:55:49 GMT -5
I think an excellent start would be accepting that dementia cannot be boiled down to a 5-10 question survey give one time in a very specific location. If I showed you pictures of the house in the condition we found it in without context and asked you if you thought this is a person who should be living alone you would have said hell no. It was like a scene out of Silent Hill. Same with her hygiene. This wasn't like oh she used to wear make-up every day and now she doesn't it. My grandmother's hair was YELLOW from all the scalp build up and it SMELLED. I feel so bad for the nurses who had to clean that. I won't describe her toenails. But none of that is taken into account even though every single article I read said those are often the first signs that someone's mental condition is declining. Nope instead because she could repeat five random words it was perfectly fine for her to live alone in Treynor. And there needs to be better protocol for it too. No taking "good enough" or spoon feeding the answers both of which my dad saw when he sat in on one. He argued that is not what you asked her and the screener was just like "meh close enough" and she passed. We could have intervened a lot sooner if ALL her symptoms had been taken into account to form a diagnosis. Unfortunately you need that evidence to be able to access and get approved for a lot of services around here. Without that we could do nothing not even home care because she didn't need it according to the doctor she passed so she was perfectly capable of living unassisted in any fashion. Should I be able to bully grandma into a home if she is capable? No. But to not be able to qualify for home aid for a woman who is using paper towels as toilet paper then leaving them all over the bathroom because a 10 minute appointment said she was sane? There has to be a middle ground somewhere because my grandma's generation is still kicking and the boomers are going to continue to age. It's already a crisis and it's only going to get worse.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 5, 2023 17:01:17 GMT -5
It's sort of mind blowing to think about the dimensions of the elder care problem. If you extrapolate the number of people here on this forum dealing with the issue into the overall population, it's an epidemic thats without a vaccine, without a cure. Beyond the human toll, there's an incredible economic price too - medical care, mental health treatments - not just for the elders but also for their caregivers who experience stress related ailments, lost wages during caregiving and so much more. While I totally agree with respecting individual rights and freedoms, I also agree that families are being asked to wait until the trainwreck happens and then pick up the pieces, rather than getting help to prevent the wreck I'm torn because I've seen a lot of old people majorly taken advantage of or bullied by their kids too. Man, my neighbors were fighting a couple of their kids constantly the entire time I lived there (we're talking 20 years) trying to get them to sell the house and move into assisted living or at least just from the country into town. They loved where they were and were plenty capable of taking care of themselves, but it was just "too much for them" according to the kids. I'm thinking it was more that they were getting anxious to sell off that property. Yes. And, the best time to move is before the crisis hits. Not during a major crisis. Unless you live with folks 24/7, you don't actually know what is going on. According to the law, because my mom has the ability to make the decision to drive with poor vision in one eye or go without heat for 5 days, she is considered capable of taking care of herself.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jan 5, 2023 17:07:48 GMT -5
I'm torn because I've seen a lot of old people majorly taken advantage of or bullied by their kids too. Man, my neighbors were fighting a couple of their kids constantly the entire time I lived there (we're talking 20 years) trying to get them to sell the house and move into assisted living or at least just from the country into town. They loved where they were and were plenty capable of taking care of themselves, but it was just "too much for them" according to the kids. I'm thinking it was more that they were getting anxious to sell off that property. Yes. And, the best time to move is before the crisis hits. Not during a major crisis. Unless you live with folks 24/7, you don't actually know what is going on. According to the law, because my mom has the ability to make the decision to drive with poor vision in one eye or go without heat for 5 days, she is considered capable of taking care of herself. Well, I lived a lot closer to them then any of their kids and spent a lot more time with them too...they were like my grandparents after years of being neighbors. The wife ended up dying in her sleep in her chair watching TV at age 92 and they put the husband in a nursing home after that (against his will). He died 3 months later.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2023 17:08:57 GMT -5
It's sort of mind blowing to think about the dimensions of the elder care problem. If you extrapolate the number of people here on this forum dealing with the issue into the overall population, it's an epidemic thats without a vaccine, without a cure. Beyond the human toll, there's an incredible economic price too - medical care, mental health treatments - not just for the elders but also for their caregivers who experience stress related ailments, lost wages during caregiving and so much more. While I totally agree with respecting individual rights and freedoms, I also agree that families are being asked to wait until the trainwreck happens and then pick up the pieces, rather than getting help to prevent the wreck I'm torn because I've seen a lot of old people majorly taken advantage of or bullied by their kids too. Man, my neighbors were fighting a couple of their kids constantly the entire time I lived there (we're talking 20 years) trying to get them to sell the house and move into assisted living or at least just from the country into town. They loved where they were and were plenty capable of taking care of themselves, but it was just "too much for them" according to the kids. I'm thinking it was more that they were getting anxious to sell off that property. absolutely true! Plenty of greedy offspring out there itching to get their greedy little hands on a windfall
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jan 5, 2023 17:21:18 GMT -5
I have a shit ton of rules and regulations I have to follow regarding POA or I can get in big trouble with the state. There are ways we could reform things to help protect old people from asshole relatives while at the same time affording more flexibility for families to intervene before it gets to my grandma or blowing up the house or wandering outside to nearly freeze to death. Maybe I can't put grandma in a home but I should able to qualify to get her home aid without grandma having to be involved when we discover she has forgotten how to wipe her own ass. The way we do it now awesome her autonomy was protected all the way up to where even the state couldn't ignore it but because of the fall and the condition she was in overall now we were screwed on what institutions she could go to. All nursing homes have strict screening requirements on what type of patients they will accept. TWO of them would accept grandma in her condition here in Council Bluffs. TWO. Otherwise we were looking at Glenwood which is even further away than Treynor. That's fucking nuts. If we had been able to intervene sooner she likely would have qualified for home care. Even if she was too far gone to live at home she still would have had her pick of multiple homes/apartments several of which are up to $3k cheaper a month. Instead nobody got any choice in anything and *I* and my dad are paying the price for it. We can't keep having the younger generations sit on their hands until there is an explosion then turn around and demand they do something about it. That something should have happened long before that point. There is also the fact that the state says grandma could live in that condition just fine but if the neighbors call to report neglect DHS is going to investigate the family not the doctor who said she could go home. I face criminal charges of neglect even though the state tied my hands regarding intervention. How is that fair?
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 5, 2023 17:31:54 GMT -5
I think an excellent start would be accepting that dementia cannot be boiled down to a 5-10 question survey give one time in a very specific location. If I showed you pictures of the house in the condition we found it in without context and asked you if you thought this is a person who should be living alone you would have said hell no. It was like a scene out of Silent Hill. Same with her hygiene. This wasn't like oh she used to wear make-up every day and now she doesn't it. My grandmother's hair was YELLOW from all the scalp build up and it SMELLED. I feel so bad for the nurses who had to clean that. I won't describe her toenails. But none of that is taken into account even though every single article I read said those are often the first signs that someone's mental condition is declining. Nope instead because she could repeat five random words it was perfectly fine for her to live alone in Treynor. And there needs to be better protocol for it too. No taking "good enough" or spoon feeding the answers both of which my dad saw when he sat in on one. He argued that is not what you asked her and the screener was just like "meh close enough" and she passed. We could have intervened a lot sooner if ALL her symptoms had been taken into account to form a diagnosis. Unfortunately you need that evidence to be able to access and get approved for a lot of services around here. Without that we could do nothing not even home care because she didn't need it according to the doctor she passed so she was perfectly capable of living unassisted in any fashion. Should I be able to bully grandma into a home if she is capable? No. But to not be able to qualify for home aid for a woman who is using paper towels as toilet paper then leaving them all over the bathroom because a 10 minute appointment said she was sane? There has to be a middle ground somewhere because my grandma's generation is still kicking and the boomers are going to continue to age. It's already a crisis and it's only going to get worse. I love Silent Hill! Anyway, it's not the nurses who clean patients. It's the PABs, préposé aux bénéficiaires, (orderlies to you) who clean them. It's a 9 month course. Cleaning patients is not good use of a nurse's time.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 5, 2023 17:32:27 GMT -5
I think an excellent start would be accepting that dementia cannot be boiled down to a 5-10 question survey give one time in a very specific location. If I showed you pictures of the house in the condition we found it in without context and asked you if you thought this is a person who should be living alone you would have said hell no. It was like a scene out of Silent Hill. Same with her hygiene. This wasn't like oh she used to wear make-up every day and now she doesn't it. My grandmother's hair was YELLOW from all the scalp build up and it SMELLED. I feel so bad for the nurses who had to clean that. I won't describe her toenails. But none of that is taken into account even though every single article I read said those are often the first signs that someone's mental condition is declining. Nope instead because she could repeat five random words it was perfectly fine for her to live alone in Treynor.And there needs to be better protocol for it too. No taking "good enough" or spoon feeding the answers both of which my dad saw when he sat in on one. He argued that is not what you asked her and the screener was just like "meh close enough" and she passed. We could have intervened a lot sooner if ALL her symptoms had been taken into account to form a diagnosis. Unfortunately you need that evidence to be able to access and get approved for a lot of services around here. Without that we could do nothing not even home care because she didn't need it according to the doctor she passed so she was perfectly capable of living unassisted in any fashion. Should I be able to bully grandma into a home if she is capable? No. But to not be able to qualify for home aid for a woman who is using paper towels as toilet paper then leaving them all over the bathroom because a 10 minute appointment said she was sane? There has to be a middle ground somewhere because my grandma's generation is still kicking and the boomers are going to continue to age. It's already a crisis and it's only going to get worse. Mister’s Dad couldn’t even do that at the neurologist visit yesterday. Apparently because he was not listening in the first place, according to the neurologist. But not listening is not the same as having dementia, so he still passed the tests. I don’t know him well enough to try to accurately gauge what’s normal for him and what’s not. I do know that this afternoon, he asked me how my day had been, then it was a little chit chat, then he asked me again how my day had been, all within 5 minutes. When my Aunt started doing things like that and repeating herself, I knew that wasn’t normal for her. She knew it too. But it seems like Mister’s Dad is kind of a scatter brain anyway (and I’m not being ugly when I say that, just honest), so idk what’s what with him.
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weltschmerz
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Post by weltschmerz on Jan 5, 2023 17:36:03 GMT -5
I think an excellent start would be accepting that dementia cannot be boiled down to a 5-10 question survey give one time in a very specific location. If I showed you pictures of the house in the condition we found it in without context and asked you if you thought this is a person who should be living alone you would have said hell no. It was like a scene out of Silent Hill. Same with her hygiene. This wasn't like oh she used to wear make-up every day and now she doesn't it. My grandmother's hair was YELLOW from all the scalp build up and it SMELLED. I feel so bad for the nurses who had to clean that. I won't describe her toenails. But none of that is taken into account even though every single article I read said those are often the first signs that someone's mental condition is declining. Nope instead because she could repeat five random words it was perfectly fine for her to live alone in Treynor.And there needs to be better protocol for it too. No taking "good enough" or spoon feeding the answers both of which my dad saw when he sat in on one. He argued that is not what you asked her and the screener was just like "meh close enough" and she passed. We could have intervened a lot sooner if ALL her symptoms had been taken into account to form a diagnosis. Unfortunately you need that evidence to be able to access and get approved for a lot of services around here. Without that we could do nothing not even home care because she didn't need it according to the doctor she passed so she was perfectly capable of living unassisted in any fashion. Should I be able to bully grandma into a home if she is capable? No. But to not be able to qualify for home aid for a woman who is using paper towels as toilet paper then leaving them all over the bathroom because a 10 minute appointment said she was sane? There has to be a middle ground somewhere because my grandma's generation is still kicking and the boomers are going to continue to age. It's already a crisis and it's only going to get worse. Mister’s Dad couldn’t even do that at the neurologist visit yesterday. Apparently because he was not listening in the first place, according to the neurologist. But not listening is not the same as having dementia, so he still passed the tests. I don’t know him well enough to try to accurately gauge what’s normal for him and what’s not. I do know that this afternoon, he asked me how my day had been, then it was a little chit chat, then he asked me again how my day had been, all within 5 minutes. When my Aunt started doing things like that and repeating herself, I knew that wasn’t normal for her. She knew it too. But it seems like Mister’s Dad is kind of a scatter brain anyway (and I’m not being ugly when I say that, just honest), so idk what’s what with him. Pink, do you know how much longer he'll be living with you? He can't stay there indefinitely.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2023 18:06:45 GMT -5
One of the new choices/thought patterns I'm embracing in 2023 is believing who people really are when they tell me out loud. I tend to waste too much energy trying to find the good in folks, while they are clearly and loudly signaling what they really are. Sometimes there just isn't a better thing to find-what you see is what you get.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jan 5, 2023 18:09:00 GMT -5
I sure don't have room to talk about anyone else's house not being clean. I just mopped the kitchen and laundry room floors on the hands and knees. I have never seen my mop water that dirty. I suppose with hub tracking in and out it makes it worse though he takes his shoes off most of the time. At least it's clean now, the window washed, the curtains hung and the mirror cleaned. Looks so nice and fresh.
Dinner is over and we are all cleaned up. It's only about 6, so good for the evening.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 5, 2023 18:21:44 GMT -5
Mister’s Dad couldn’t even do that at the neurologist visit yesterday. Apparently because he was not listening in the first place, according to the neurologist. But not listening is not the same as having dementia, so he still passed the tests. I don’t know him well enough to try to accurately gauge what’s normal for him and what’s not. I do know that this afternoon, he asked me how my day had been, then it was a little chit chat, then he asked me again how my day had been, all within 5 minutes. When my Aunt started doing things like that and repeating herself, I knew that wasn’t normal for her. She knew it too. But it seems like Mister’s Dad is kind of a scatter brain anyway (and I’m not being ugly when I say that, just honest), so idk what’s what with him. Pink, do you know how much longer he'll be living with you? He can't stay there indefinitely. No, I don’t know how long he will be here. That is Mister’s call. He knows his Dad better than I do, and can better gauge how well he is or isn’t doing than I can. His Dad has been saying for a few days that he wants to go home, at least for a day or 2. If he gets to where he insists, Mister will probably let him go home, whether he thinks he is ready or not.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 5, 2023 18:24:45 GMT -5
My humidifier was delivered today. It is in our bedroom. I don’t really know what to expect or how I will know if it’s actually doing anything to help when it’s in use. Thoughts?
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 5, 2023 18:40:45 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2023 18:43:15 GMT -5
Pink, do you know how much longer he'll be living with you? He can't stay there indefinitely. No, I don’t know how long he will be here. That is Mister’s call. He knows his Dad better than I do, and can better gauge how well he is or isn’t doing than I can. His Dad has been saying for a few days that he wants to go home, at least for a day or 2. If he gets to where he insists, Mister will probably let him go home, whether he thinks he is ready or not.And that will be Dad's choice to make, although the midnight phone calls will be on Mister and therefore, you. Since the docs say he isn't demented at this point, nothing much you can do.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jan 5, 2023 18:45:20 GMT -5
He's way too cute! I wish the twins would let me put clothes on them. They tend to not make them in their size so there's also that. He actually stands still and let’s us put it on. He pretty much let us do whatever we want with him, thank goodness. The day we took this picture, he didn’t seem to want me to take it off though lol. He’s almost 6 months old, so still growing. Once he gets to his full size, it might not be so easy to find stuff for him. I know it’s difficult to find stuff for Newbie. I think someone here, maybe stillmovingforward has a big dog that she buys clothes for. Maybe he liked the warmth. Because its colder I've had more success wrapping up Moon Shadow in fleece to keep him quiet for a bit. Sometimes he is not ready to leave.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jan 5, 2023 18:50:26 GMT -5
I already ordered one, it should be delivered in the next couple of days. Thanks!
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