what are you doing right now?

[giramomma]

Jan 1, 2023 8:12:30 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Damn. This hit me hard this morning.  😪 

i'm sorry. I skimmed it. I dunno. I thought the advice was pretty shitty. I'm sorry your family has been treating you like crap.  The boundaries part, is a good thing.

But the rest? You don't forgive and forget folks that have been legit abusive to you.

That's only written by folks who have no clue.

Those people exist. I had a crack pot therapist once tell me that because DH and I went out on a couple of dates, we were all healed up from when I first discovered he was an addict. As if two dates mean that I should forgive and forget that a year into recovery v1, DH had been lying to me for all but 1 year of our 11 years together. Or, I should forgive and forget that he took away my agency with regards to picking a life partner, getting married and all that.

She then proceeded to tell me that I was far too overprotective of my children, and absolutely my mom was harmless. I'd like to find that therapist now, share my mom's behavior, and then ask if mom is still harmless.

[giramomma]

I've had intermittent soreness on the side I had my BC. No lumps or anything.

I think DH loosened up some scar tissue. And because tamoxifen, my hormones are all screwed up.

So, the rational part of me is like it's nothing. Which it probably is.

The irrational part of me is like "I'm going to die. They lied to me, missed something, and I'm going to die."

Yet another thing that I didn't really get prepped for. It's a mindf*ck.

[daisylu]

Jan 1, 2023 9:12:11 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jan 1, 2023 8:12:30 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Damn. This hit me hard this morning.  😪 

i'm sorry. I skimmed it. I dunno. I thought the advice was pretty shitty. I'm sorry your family has been treating you like crap.  The boundaries part, is a good thing.

But the rest? You don't forgive and forget folks that have been legit abusive to you.

That's only written by folks who have no clue.

Those people exist. I had a crack pot therapist once tell me that because DH and I went out on a couple of dates, we were all healed up from when I first discovered he was an addict. As if two dates mean that I should forgive and forget that a year into recovery v1, DH had been lying to me for all but 1 year of our 11 years together. Or, I should forgive and forget that he took away my agency with regards to picking a life partner, getting married and all that.

She then proceeded to tell me that I was far too overprotective of my children, and absolutely my mom was harmless. I'd like to find that therapist now, share my mom's behavior, and then ask if mom is still harmless.

I would never take the advice, it was the 18 reasons - which my family (specifically mom and sister) is exactly why I need to keep distance. It was just seeing all that in black and white that made me realize why the hell have I been putting up with up this? I have cut non family out of my life and mind for far less, but in my mind family was different. Or it used to be. They don't need me until they do. It was more like validation of why I need to cut ties.

I have a great therapist who encourages me to do me, but how do you train your brain to turn off decades of abuse?

And I don't subscribe to forgive and forget. You can forgive, but who forgets?

[cooper88]

My brother finally started seeing someone after a tragedy in his life. Very early on the therapist recommended going low contact with toxic family members, which my sister and I had been telling him for years. I was so happy he found one that was a good fit on the first try. He started setting boundaries and it has really helped him a lot.

[Deleted]

Jan 1, 2023 9:48:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

The irrational part of me is like "I'm going to die. They lied to me, missed something, and I'm going to die."

Yet another thing that I didn't really get prepped for. It's a mindf*ck.

I  feel for you.  That would drive me crazy, too.  Sometimes I joke that I wish I could get a heart transplant to resolve my valve regurgitation issue.  Then I remember that my neighbor across the street, who's a heart transplant recipient, is on a boatload of meds and he and his wife have been EXTREMELY cautious about going anywhere due to COVID.  I know that if I got a new heart (and I'm thankful I'm nowhere near that point) every time I sneezed I'd be paranoid that it was the beginning of rejection.

No heat in the house this morning.  Temp inside is 57.  Nasty but tolerable dressed in layers with a space heater going.  After church I'll call the place where I have a service contract.  Temps outside are supposed to hit the high 50s and the house is well-insulated.  A few years ago I had the furnace die twice in 2 days during below-freezing temperatures- minor issues but not something I knew how to fix.  That was miserable- inside temperature got down to 49.    I will survive this.

Jan 1, 2023 9:58:40 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I have a great therapist who encourages me to do me, but how do you train your brain to turn off decades of abuse?

And I don't subscribe to forgive and forget. You can forgive, but who forgets?

You don't, really. Just a couple of weeks ago, when I had a lot on my plate and was feeling stressed, I had a nightmare that my Ex was in the house. We were divorced in 1997 and he died 11 years ago. He still lives in a little corner of my brain.

[daisylu]

Jan 1, 2023 9:48:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I've had intermittent soreness on the side I had my BC. No lumps or anything.

I think DH loosened up some scar tissue. And because tamoxifen, my hormones are all screwed up.

So, the rational part of me is like it's nothing. Which it probably is.

The irrational part of me is like "I'm going to die. They lied to me, missed something, and I'm going to die."

Yet another thing that I didn't really get prepped for. It's a mindf*ck.

Listen to your rational side for now, but make an appointment just to be safe. IME, doctors don't lie.

[azucena]

Jan 1, 2023 9:58:40 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Jan 1, 2023 9:12:11 GMT -5 giramomma said:

i'm sorry. I skimmed it. I dunno. I thought the advice was pretty shitty. I'm sorry your family has been treating you like crap.  The boundaries part, is a good thing.

But the rest? You don't forgive and forget folks that have been legit abusive to you.

That's only written by folks who have no clue.

Those people exist. I had a crack pot therapist once tell me that because DH and I went out on a couple of dates, we were all healed up from when I first discovered he was an addict. As if two dates mean that I should forgive and forget that a year into recovery v1, DH had been lying to me for all but 1 year of our 11 years together. Or, I should forgive and forget that he took away my agency with regards to picking a life partner, getting married and all that.

She then proceeded to tell me that I was far too overprotective of my children, and absolutely my mom was harmless. I'd like to find that therapist now, share my mom's behavior, and then ask if mom is still harmless.

I would never take the advice, it was the 18 reasons - which my family (specifically mom and sister) is exactly why I need to keep distance. It was just seeing all that in black and white that made me realize why the hell have I been putting up with up this? I have cut non family out of my life and mind for far less, but in my mind family was different. Or it used to be. They don't need me until they do. It was more like validation of why I need to cut ties.

I have a great therapist who encourages me to do me, but how do you train your brain to turn off decades of abuse?

And I don't subscribe to forgive and forget. You can forgive, but who forgets?

I didn't read the article, kinda scared to bc I know I've let some people get away with too much.

Daisylu - I do subscribe to forgive and try to forget when it's stuff about myself. Like why did I give my toxic dad so much emotional energy thru the years. Well, I couldn't do better until I learned better, right? So since I've learned better and implemented it with him before he passed and established some other healthy boundaries around other people, I can forgive myself for the previous rotten stuff that I let them get away with if that makes sense.

[Opti]

Jan 1, 2023 10:03:44 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Jan 1, 2023 9:48:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

The irrational part of me is like "I'm going to die. They lied to me, missed something, and I'm going to die."

Yet another thing that I didn't really get prepped for. It's a mindf*ck.

I  feel for you.  That would drive me crazy, too.  Sometimes I joke that I wish I could get a heart transplant to resolve my valve regurgitation issue.  Then I remember that my neighbor across the street, who's a heart transplant recipient, is on a boatload of meds and he and his wife have been EXTREMELY cautious about going anywhere due to COVID.  I know that if I got a new heart (and I'm thankful I'm nowhere near that point) every time I sneezed I'd be paranoid that it was the beginning of rejection.

No heat in the house this morning.  Temp inside is 57.  Nasty but tolerable dressed in layers with a space heater going.  After church I'll call the place where I have a service contract.  Temps outside are supposed to hit the high 50s and the house is well-insulated.  A few years ago I had the furnace die twice in 2 days during below-freezing temperatures- minor issues but not something I knew how to fix.  That was miserable- inside temperature got down to 49.    I will survive this.

Jan 1, 2023 9:58:40 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I have a great therapist who encourages me to do me, but how do you train your brain to turn off decades of abuse?

And I don't subscribe to forgive and forget. You can forgive, but who forgets?

You don't, really. Just a couple of weeks ago, when I had a lot on my plate and was feeling stressed, I had a nightmare that my Ex was in the house. We were divorced in 1997 and he died 11 years ago. He still lives in a little corner of my brain.

Unfortunately, this supposedly is part of dream language. I was divorced earlier than you and I occasionally have my XH in my dreams. Something about the subconscious grabbing the person that represents husband when you dream about certain things. My XH is still alive. 

Hope you are able to get your heat fixed quickly. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I had cramps for the first time in awhile because my hormones are shifting enough sometimes I have a light period now on the Mirena.

Cue total meltdown because I was convinced I finally developed cervical cancer.

Then my brain finally caught up to the panic.

I much prefer having my IUD but bring irregular can fuck with my head given before one I was like clockwork.

It's been 20 years since I've had an abnormal pap smear so I totally get it.

[taz157]

Jan 1, 2023 11:13:07 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I had cramps for the first time in awhile because my hormones are shifting enough sometimes I have a light period now on the Mirena.

Cue total meltdown because I was convinced I finally developed cervical cancer.

Then my brain finally caught up to the panic.

I much prefer having my IUD but bring irregular can fuck with my head given before one I was like clockwork.

It's been 20 years since I've had an abnormal pap smear so I totally get it.

How long from when you started Mirena did your periods stop? I’ve had it for 3.5 months and my periods are very light. I still have spotting a lot though.

[giramomma]

I am being unproductive. I should be very productive.

I had a semi relaxing day yesterday. Which is part of the problem.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jan 1, 2023 11:23:26 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Jan 1, 2023 11:13:07 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I had cramps for the first time in awhile because my hormones are shifting enough sometimes I have a light period now on the Mirena.

Cue total meltdown because I was convinced I finally developed cervical cancer.

Then my brain finally caught up to the panic.

I much prefer having my IUD but bring irregular can fuck with my head given before one I was like clockwork.

It's been 20 years since I've had an abnormal pap smear so I totally get it.

How long from when you started Mirena did your periods stop? I’ve had it for 3.5 months and my periods are very light. I still have spotting a lot though.

I got pretty lucky mine stopped right away with the first one and second one.

This one is #3 every couple months or so I will have a super light period for a day or two. I think my hormones have changed enough that it doesn't stop it 100% anymore.

But I'll take 2 days of barely a flow over 10 days of hell.

If you spot a lot personally I'd have the doctor double check the placement just to be safe.

Everyone is different on it I've been told. I'm keeping it till I'm through menopause my mom had horrible periods starring in her mid 40s. No thank you.

[cooper88]

Damn. I went to my favorite doughnut shop and they were closed. They are never closed. Sign on the door says they went on vacation so I'm happy for them. I really wanted something sweet so I went to Dunkin Donuts. Now I remember why I don't go to Dunkin Donuts.

[raeoflyte]

I've had more bad therapists than good ones. I get why therapy is important but t h e wrong therapist can be dangerous.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jan 1, 2023 11:36:20 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I've had more bad therapists than good ones. I get why therapy is important but t h e wrong therapist can be dangerous.

Right. Same with doctors. I've had to really dig deep this year to get a grip on my distrust of both.

I knew I found winners when I laid it all out and both said they don't blame me they wouldn't trust their respective professions either after what I've been through.

[raeoflyte]

We are overbooked today. D&d session, dinner and separate game night with my folks and dc has a sleepover. I need to get a bed moved upstairs to DC room and finish cleaning. My dad is bringing me an extra trash can for our overflowing recycling
Theyre 11 days overdue for pick up. Would love to hit the pool for a bit too. I'm sore from weights yesterday.

Best get to it I guess.

[andi9899]

I have the stove going. Beans have been going for a few hours already. Pork is now going. It smells amazing in the house. I'm contemplating mimosas. Thoughts?

[minnesotapaintlady]

Really annoyed I'm getting so many headaches on my time off.  I think it's because my sleeping/eating schedule is so wonky now.   Going to pop some meds for the third day in a row so I'm good for the football party at my house this afternoon.  I had all these grand plans of having a sparkling, clutter free house by the time I went back to work.  That sure didn't happen.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jan 1, 2023 9:48:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I've had intermittent soreness on the side I had my BC. No lumps or anything.

I think DH loosened up some scar tissue. And because tamoxifen, my hormones are all screwed up.

So, the rational part of me is like it's nothing. Which it probably is.

The irrational part of me is like "I'm going to die. They lied to me, missed something, and I'm going to die."

Yet another thing that I didn't really get prepped for. It's a mindf*ck.

I get it.  While I know it’s not near the same thing, every time my hips get crankier than usual (even 10 years out) I start thinking I’m infected again.  The mindfuck is real, and the way your brain leaps there is amazing (and not in a good way). 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

This morning there was a brunch put on that we hit for breakfast.  Bloody Mary’s and mimosas met us at the entrance.  I had eggs Benedict, and ditched the hollandaise for guacamole.  It was quite good.  

We have several sea days in a row before we hit Cabo.  

[TheOtherMe]

I decided today is a day to relax.  Took my long shower, worked a bit on my year end spreadsheet and entered final interest numbers in Turbo Tax.

Going to read and have hoops on most of the day.

My teams plays a 6 PM.  I will have nothing else going on during that game.  

Tomorrow would have been my mom's 97th birthday and I'm feeling it and trying to be kind to myself.  

[andi9899]

I'm having banana bread and a mimosa. The breakfast of champions.

[andi9899]

Jan 1, 2023 11:23:26 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Jan 1, 2023 11:13:07 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I had cramps for the first time in awhile because my hormones are shifting enough sometimes I have a light period now on the Mirena.

Cue total meltdown because I was convinced I finally developed cervical cancer.

Then my brain finally caught up to the panic.

I much prefer having my IUD but bring irregular can fuck with my head given before one I was like clockwork.

It's been 20 years since I've had an abnormal pap smear so I totally get it.

How long from when you started Mirena did your periods stop? I’ve had it for 3.5 months and my periods are very light. I still have spotting a lot though.

I've had mine for years and I still have random spotting. It took several months for the periods to go away, something like 6ish. I had horribly heavy periods though.

[daisylu]

Jan 1, 2023 12:04:07 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I decided today is a day to relax.  Took my long shower, worked a bit on my year end spreadsheet and entered final interest numbers in Turbo Tax.

Going to read and have hoops on most of the day.

My teams plays a 6 PM.  I will have nothing else going on during that game.  

Tomorrow would have been my mom's 97th birthday and I'm feeling it and trying to be kind to myself.  

I'm very impressed with your ability to practice self care lately, I wish I could be better at it. Are you still loving your fancy new shower?

[NancysSummerSip]

Jan 1, 2023 11:46:30 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I have the stove going. Beans have been going for a few hours already. Pork is now going. It smells amazing in the house. I'm contemplating mimosas. Thoughts?

We skipped the ball drop and champagne last night and had our mimosas this morning with cappuccinos and waffles. Yum. And I used Moet for the mimosas. Expensive, but why not?

Running a load of laundry and will run the dishwasher later. Fixing chicken for DH for dinner and I will use the celery and Brussels sprouts left from last night in a chicken soup stock with carrots, diced turkey and noodles -- the turkey breast carcass is in the freezer.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

The lovesac commercial finally got me curious and I looked up the couch in the commercial $21,350. For a COUCH. How much money does that commercial family make?

🤯

[giramomma]

Jan 1, 2023 11:48:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Really annoyed I'm getting so many headaches on my time off.  I think it's because my sleeping/eating schedule is so wonky now.   Going to pop some meds for the third day in a row so I'm good for the football party at my house this afternoon.  I had all these grand plans of having a sparkling, clutter free house by the time I went back to work.  That sure didn't happen.

Hope the meds kick in soon.

I was hoping to not only have DS's room painted, but also get the girls room decluttered by tomorrow.

None of that happened.

I'm still binging the crown.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Jan 1, 2023 13:04:16 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jan 1, 2023 11:48:42 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Really annoyed I'm getting so many headaches on my time off.  I think it's because my sleeping/eating schedule is so wonky now.   Going to pop some meds for the third day in a row so I'm good for the football party at my house this afternoon.  I had all these grand plans of having a sparkling, clutter free house by the time I went back to work.  That sure didn't happen.

Hope the meds kick in soon.

I was hoping to not only have DS's room painted, but also get the girls room decluttered by tomorrow.

None of that happened.

I'm still binging the crown.

It's amazing how much time I've managed to fritter away.  I think I need to do a "no screens week", or month...or year...

[Empire the P.A.]

I finally made the prosciutto bread today. Someone should have warned me that provolone is a stinky a$& cheese. don’t know if I will be using this cheese again. I will see how the breadtastes when it has completely cooled down. 

[giramomma]

Jan 1, 2023 13:19:20 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

It's amazing how much time I've managed to fritter away.  I think I need to do a "no screens week", or month...or year...

Yeah. This is actually the most I have been on screens for non-work purposes for a long while.

I need to be retired. That would get me to no screens real fast.