what are you doing right now?

[chiver78]

today's been sorta productive. I got dog licenses squared away for 2023, broke down the stovetop and cleaned it, and picked up another pair of blackout curtain panels for the front of the house. I can't remember if I talked about this here already, sorry. but I bought a pair of WHITE panels on Amazon, and took down the blinds LD had destroyed. after a week or so of these super bright white panels, they just look weird against the slightly not pure white cabinets. thinking about the rest of my color palette, I started looking at light blue options, and thought I nailed it with what I found today, first try!

I sent a pic (in waning daylight) to my sister, who I'm still annoyed with, and her opinion was that "it looks dank and dirty" and she hates it. I actually kind of love the shade of sea foam blue against the tan walls, balancing the huge beach canvas over my open stairs. and I'm also kind of having the opinion of "why TF do I care what she thinks about my house that she will visit once a year for the summer concert we always go to"

I need to pull the laptop back out in the am to pay an invoice, so I'll post a well lighted pic then.

[Deleted]

Dec 29, 2022 18:18:36 GMT -5 giramomma said:

It is shocking how much of a lift a family of 3-4 takes. When DS was at home, we went through like 5 gallons of milk a week and ran the dishwasher like 3 times a day.  With three, we're down to 1-2 gallons of milk a week and running the dishwasher 1-2 times a day.

DS made the mistake of letting us know we hadn't swept the kitchen floor on Christmas morning.

I handed him the broom.

My kids can be in activities and have me around to play games and  build legos with them or they can have a tidy house with no dishes in the sink.

They choose the activities, games, legos pretty much all the time.

This fall semester, a normal week was getting our kids to 13-14 different places a week.  And DH and I managed to do that.

I doubt if any kids will ever reminisce about the time all the dishes were washed, the laundry folded or the floor swept.  When I listen to folks here talk about family memories, I don't hear raves about the clean house their parents kept. I hear stories about family vacations, decorated Christmas trees, camping trips and more.  I   that you choose to give your kids meaningful life experiences rather than a sanitized environment

[Deleted]

I have the utmost respect for those who seek help with their mental health, whether through therapy or medication. For far too long, there's been a stigma on that and too few people have affordable access to care.

[Deleted]

Dec 29, 2022 17:49:34 GMT -5 azucena said:

Continue to tread carefully. Your experience raising a single child is quite different than them with 3. They are in the thick or needy kids and likely sometimes don't have the brainspace and energy level to stay on top of everything. Plus, it's more work to figure out what clothes may not actually be dirty than to just wash it all.

Thanks for the reminder. DDIL is a treasure and I tell her that frequently. I also tell her I could not have done what she's doing (or what my mother, who had 5 kids, did). You're probably right about it being easier to wash everything. She already has the two older ones putting their clothes into 3 bins after wearing: lights, darks and special items like dresses, so it saves her that part of the process.

When I visit I make sure to rinse whatever is in the sink, load and unload the dishwasher and put things away. DS loves cooking but then leaves all the pots and pans. Last time he did that he said, "I gotta go study"- so now he's got actuarial exams as an excuse!

[raeoflyte]

Dec 29, 2022 17:37:44 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Dec 29, 2022 16:45:42 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I still like her [DIL], she is just sort of well, being nice, rattle brained I guess, LOL! She did start taking pills to calm her down and for anxiety I think. She calls them her "mad" pills, I'm sure son and everyone appreciates that, I know I do. Initially she wasn't about to but thankfully she changed her mind. So I am just trying to overlook it all and enjoy myself. You cannot make people like yourself nor should you try. So I'm learning too.

I'm glad you had such a wonderful time and especially glad she's taking her pills.  It takes some self-awareness to realize that you can't stop taking them because you feel better - they're what MAKE you feel better.

DIL is not like me at all, totally disorganized, I mean totally. Does not keep her house all that clean, but it's ok. It's the kitchen that gets me, how you could work in that mess is beyond me. Her excuse is small kitchen. She had a huge one in NY and was just as bad. And why she doesn't use her dishwasher more is beyond me. Always dirty dishes around.

Yeah, DS and DDIL have a more cluttered house than I'd like and leave dirty dishes in the sink rather than put them in the dishwasher 2 steps away. I don't get it. I went down to the basement to do a wash and there were MOUNTAINS of laundry to be sorted. It appears the kids wear different clothes every day and everything gets laundered after wear. Fine for underwear, anything soiled, sweaty workout clothes, etc. but no wonder there's so much laundry. I cheerfully told DDIL that if I were faced with that much laundry I'd go join a convent. She did say she was a bit behind with all the holiday stuff going on.

I just put things like that in the category of "within a normal range, but not how I'd do things" and don't say anything. I've never been a SAHM home-schooling 3 small children. She's doing the important stuff well.

Your last sentence is awesome and I'm guessing you already do, but just in case make sure to tell her too. (the good mom stuff, not the less than awesome housekeeping).

Mil and I don't always see eye to eye, but there are a few true compliments that she has given me that really mean a lot to me.

[raeoflyte]

Dec 29, 2022 18:13:29 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I tried my first belly dancing lesson this afternoon. Good grief, when did I get so stiff and uncoordinated? I could see myself in the mirror and it was a mess lol. I get embarrassed very easily, no way would I be able to learn in a class with other people, even if they start out just as goofy as I am. I would crumble in embarrassment if anybody, including Mister, had seen me today. Except for maybe my children. They are about the only people on this earth that I’m not embarrassed to let see me try to learn dances or whatever, and comfortable letting them see my goofiness in all its glory lol. I use to ask them to help me and show me how to do certain dances. Well, I use to ask DS, because DD is even worse than me, she doesn’t even really have rhythm lol. DS is awesome at dancing, to the point that DD use to roll her eyes at him and tell him to just sit down somewhere lol.

And if I asked DS to learn to belly dance with me, he would. He’s always game for indulging my strange ideas. And even though I’m positive he would be much better from the beginning than I am, I would not be embarrassed for him to see how stiff and uncoordinated I am. DD thinks some of the things I’m interested in are weird, but I wouldn’t be embarrassed to try in front of her either. Idk what it means that I’d die inside if Mister saw me, but not my children, but whatever.

Anyway, I didn’t finish the video. I feel like I need to keep practicing the first part until I get that together, before I move on. I guess the good news is that there’s so much to learn, that trying to learn it all can keep me occupied for months, if not years lol.

I’ve wanted to learn to belly dance ever since I went to Hawaii and saw how those ladies could move their bodies, but i never got around to seriously trying. Better late than never, right?

Absolutely! I know it's hard but embrace the awkwardness. Better to try something new and hard and weird and feel.a little embarrassed than to let that fear hold you back. I say join a class, bring a friend. They'll love you for it. But whatever keeps you trying is the right answer.

We're fb friends so you have some idea of what I look like. And what I don't look like is someone who does martial arts. I still don't, but man those first few months, I looked like a terrified idiot. 5 years later and I just look like an idiot.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 29, 2022 17:45:05 GMT -5 azucena said:

Pink - glad you said something but some men just can't handle hospitals, wounds, etc. Guess it shows them their own immortality or something. DHs BFF for over a decade couldn't bring himself to visit in the hospital. Said he would throw up just thinking about it. So we worked out a system where I'd text him when I was at hospital visiting and knew dh was awake and not busy and friend would at least call and talk. Never, ever about anything medical though.

Jan 2020 surgery left DH leaving the hospital 10 days later with an open wound that I could have fit both of my fists inside of. Gnarliest thing I have ever seen and dressing changes were as painful as anything. We finally convinced one home healthcare nurse to pour lidocaine on the wound vac bandages first to numb the area. We also learned to double dose him with pain killers about an hour before her visit. Otherwise he was screaming in pain and I was left struggling not to faint even without looking.

I don’t do well with hospitals myself. I didn’t do well when my Grandmother was in the hospital before she died. I would go visit her, but I couldn’t stay long, so I’d leave and come back again. Rinse and repeat, all in the same day, the whole 5 days she was there. That was the first time I’d ever had that kind of issue with hospitals, and I’m not much better now. So I get it.

I also don’t do well with blood, bodily fluids and gory stuff like wounds. I’ve always been like that. Mister says his Mom’s wound is big enough that he could put his fist in it. I would’ve never even tried to pretend I could deal with something like that, so counting on me, his Mom would’ve been back in the hospital soon after the wound appeared, well before it got so big and bad.

I’m so squeamish that when my nieces and nephew were really young, I had them at my house for a few days, and while they were running around outside playing in the sprinklers, one of my nieces got a splinter in her foot. She was maybe 3yo (they are “stair steps”) and she wasn’t even crying, but I couldn’t make myself get the splinter out. I loaded all the children in my car and went to my Mom so she could get the splinter out. And that wasn’t even bloody.

When my children were young, I couldn’t even clean up vomit without almost throwing up myself.

But even with all that, I was there with DD when all 3 of my Grandbabies were born, from the time she was admitted until after the baby was born. And as much as I believe a baby being born is something akin to a miracle, it’s also messy and can be kind of gross too. But not being there was never even a thought. I HAD to be there, to be with DD and to welcome my new Grandbaby into the world. But I did have to run off for a minute each time, after the baby was born and things settled down lol. But I came right back. 

When DGD1 was a toddler, she fell and her front tooth went through her gums or something. I went to take them to the ER and DGD1 had blood all over her mouth and her shirt. I couldn’t even look at her.  But I could get her to some folks to help her.

I think that even with all my hang ups, if Mister or my children or grandchildren needed me to get over myself enough to do whatever needed to be done, whether it involved bodily fluids, gore, or hospitals, and I’m all they have, I would do it. I might have a meltdown later, but I would do what needs to be done in that moment or at that time. I really, really wish I could include my Mom in that, but unfortunately, I can’t, and that makes me kind of sad. With my Grandmother, I think I would’ve done better with staying at the hospital if no one else was there, but either my Mom, my Aunt or my cousin, or all 3 were always there, so when I would leave for a while, I wasn’t leaving her there alone. 

Besides that second day when she woke up for a while, which surprised even her Doctors, we don’t know if she even knew we were there or not. But we still kept going. And I am eternally grateful that when I got the call that morning that she was awake, I zoomed to the hospital. When she saw me, she made a funny face and licked her tongue out at me. I will NEVER forget that. I sat at her side trying to comfort her, while she kept telling me she didn’t feel good and kept asking God to please have mercy on her because she didn’t feel good. It makes me want to weep now (actually it did make me cry) just remembering that. But the selfish part of me is just so grateful that she woke up that morning and knew who I was when I walked in her room, and there was enough of her left that she licked her tongue out at me like she would’ve done in less serious circumstances. I am so grateful because that replaced the horrible memory of her the night before, when I saw her after they’d done some procedure that they were the only hospital in the area that could do, where they basically froze her, with the intention of gradually warming her back up, to make her heart act right. The way she looked that night would’ve been the stuff of nightmares if that had been my last vision of her, her mouth was stuck wide open, and it was just a horrible sight, that is why I cling to the memory of her licking her tongue out at me the next morning.

Anyway, I’ve rambled and went through the woods and across the river with this post, so I will hush now.

[countrygirl2]

I'm trying really hard. It also has to be hard for them to add the 3 of us. They need a garage so bad and son is trying to wait until lumber prices go down some. I'm starting to wonder if that will happen. Their 3rd bedroom is storage for now and the garage is full. So they put a twin bed behind the couch for DD. She slept a lot while there like she does here. I think son is starting to realize her issues. He was very nice to her. And little guy loves her, he hugs her and treats her well, that is worth a lot to me. Then we find out their BIL has an autistic son and the one friend that was at the party does too. I think that makes son realize these problems are more common than they were when he was growing up. She even stayed with him one day when all of us went running around, she didn't want to go.

My kitties are happy, one laying on my legs asleep, the other on the back of my recliner. My sweeties are back to normal. My sweet, sweet babies, how I love the little things. They really tried to get them friendly at the vets, all the girls were talking. They think in time Tigger would really warm up, they didn't know about Smoke though.

[susana1954]

Dec 29, 2022 11:07:36 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Dec 29, 2022 9:55:08 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Also with my grandmother and probably others her age it was about $$$.  SHE could care for him for free whereas services cost money and she wasn't going to pay for that socialist crap.

I think about that a lot when people bitch about wanting to go back to the good old days and how there should be no social programs all you need is family.   Yeah. 

Two thoughts: the people who moan about how awful it is that family doesn't take care of the elderly have probably never tried to take care of someone who is incontinent, a fall risk (if they're mobile at all), maybe senile, defiant or violent (which my Uncle was as his Alzheimer's progressed- totally out of character).

I also suspect that it's not just an objection to "socialist crap" that keeps the caregiver from getting outside help. It really is money. The usual sad scenario when a couple has limited savings/income is that the husband dies first and the widow is left with reduced SS (from 150% of husband's amount to a 100% Survivor Benefit) and the savings has been depleted by expenses of taking care of the husband in his final years. I saw this with my Aunt- she not only had to deal with her husband's occasional violent moods (she was able to calm him down, but still.. ) but she slept in a recliner in the living room to make sure he didn't wander out of the house at night.

My top financial priority (and yes, I know I'm privileged to be in this position but it's also the result of careful spending and planning) is to make sure I have the resources to pay for whatever care I need before I leave this earth.

And I will add a couple of points to Athena's post.  Women didn't used to work outside the home to the extent that they do now.  So it frequently fell on daughters (and sometimes daughters-in-law) to provide the care.  I remember my aunt (the one who lived to be over 100!) telling me that her parents got upset when she got married at age 30.  She was supposed to be the daughter who stayed home to take care of them.  And she did take care of my grandmother, turning her living room into basically a nursing home.  Her father died of a heart attack in his 50s.  That's what they meant by the "good old days," basically the unpaid labor of women.  Now women work, too, so there is no one to take care of the old folks.

And money is indeed one of the problems.  I took care of DH by myself.  I had set it up for an agency to come twice a month for four hours so that I could go to the dentist, etc.  And I waited a month before doing that much.  I worried about money constantly for fear that I was going to have to put him in a nursing home, eating away at my retirement (he had none) and eventually putting myself in poverty.  Yes, I am being overly dramatic, but that was my mindset.  

It is different when it is your parent or grandparent.  You aren't legally responsible for the bills.  Spouses are.  I loved DH with all my heart, but I will admit that I was scared.

I suspect your grandmother and so on are as well.

[stillmovingforward]

Dec 29, 2022 18:22:09 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Dec 29, 2022 18:13:29 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I tried my first belly dancing lesson this afternoon. Good grief, when did I get so stiff and uncoordinated? I could see myself in the mirror and it was a mess lol. I get embarrassed very easily, no way would I be able to learn in a class with other people, even if they start out just as goofy as I am. I would crumble in embarrassment if anybody, including Mister, had seen me today. Except for maybe my children. They are about the only people on this earth that I’m not embarrassed to let see me try to learn dances or whatever, and comfortable letting them see my goofiness in all its glory lol. I use to ask them to help me and show me how to do certain dances. Well, I use to ask DS, because DD is even worse than me, she doesn’t even really have rhythm lol. DS is awesome at dancing, to the point that DD use to roll her eyes at him and tell him to just sit down somewhere lol.

And if I asked DS to learn to belly dance with me, he would. He’s always game for indulging my strange ideas. And even though I’m positive he would be much better from the beginning than I am, I would not be embarrassed for him to see how stiff and uncoordinated I am. DD thinks some of the things I’m interested in are weird, but I wouldn’t be embarrassed to try in front of her either. Idk what it means that I’d die inside if Mister saw me, but not my children, but whatever.

Anyway, I didn’t finish the video. I feel like I need to keep practicing the first part until I get that together, before I move on. I guess the good news is that there’s so much to learn, that trying to learn it all can keep me occupied for months, if not years lol.

I’ve wanted to learn to belly dance ever since I went to Hawaii and saw how those ladies could move their bodies, but i never got around to seriously trying. Better late than never, right?

definitely ask DS to join you on this belly dancing adventure! he will encourage you, in a safe space to get your groove on.

I would pay money to see this! I can just imagine Pink's DS with his little dog under his arm, belly dancing 😄

[andi9899]

Dec 28, 2022 15:56:01 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Dec 28, 2022 13:07:32 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Eating leftover pozole. Y'all, it came out really good!

MIL made Pozole too.  I have to remember to throw it in the Freezer before we leave on vacation.  We have a big pot, and I can't eat it (Corn allergy).  Glad your Pozole came out good.  For us it is a family favorite, so we are going to have to buckle down and figure out the measurements.  MIL measures things using a pinch of this and a handful of that style, so it is hard to replicate her recipes.

I cook like that too. People ask me for recipes all the time and I invite them to watch me cook.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 29, 2022 19:24:20 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Dec 29, 2022 18:22:09 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

definitely ask DS to join you on this belly dancing adventure! he will encourage you, in a safe space to get your groove on.

I would pay money to see this! I can just imagine Pink's DS with his little dog under his arm, belly dancing 😄

You remembered he has that tiny dog!

You are both right, he would definitely do it with me if I asked him too, and encourage me to keep going if he just knew I was trying to learn, even without asking him to join me.

But I think this may be something I need to do for and by myself, at least at first.

But now I’m thinking about how he’s tried to get me to go bike riding with him every time he’s come home. The few times I cooperated, he either rode Mister’s bike or my road bike. It’s something he is really interested in doing with me, so I am thinking of gifting him a bicycle by the time the weather warms up, so we can do that together. He is taller than both Mister and I, and Mister is taller than me, so Mister’s bike fits him better than my road bike, and DS enjoyed riding Mister’s hybrid, but he also enjoyed riding my road bike too, even though it is too small for him. Road bikes are expensive (to me), unless you can find one used. Mine cost $2k and that was at discount because it was the prior year’s model. I can get him a hybrid, and if he wants to upgrade at some point, he can. People sell and trade in those kinds of bikes and upgrade, like we do with cars lol.

When he was 16, I bought us some bikes from Target on a whim, but I never got into riding back then like I did a few years later. But he rode the shit out of his bike. He took it with him when he moved to Texas, and rode it until there was no more patching it up. It was a Schwinn I paid $200 for at Target. In hindsight, if I’d known more about bikes at the time, and that he was going to use his as much as he did, I would’ve bought him a better one, even if I didn’t buy me one at the time, since I ended up not really using mine anyway.

So even though it’s not belly dancing, the comments led me to an idea of something I can do to have some time with DS doing something we both enjoy. I think he would like to ride the trails with me that I use to ride and got so much peace from. Thank you for putting that idea in my head!

[azucena]

Pink - you might consider yoga. I've done a couple of classes in person and one online. I was amazed at how well it shut down my type A anxiety brain. And I was terrible at it LOL. Slept like a lark afterwards too. Looking for ways to fit it in twice a week in the new yr.

Picked up a couple of dd14s oldest friends spur of the moment this afternoon. Took them to thrift store while I listened to podcast in the sun outside. Took to dinner at the mall food court, and now sitting in Starbucks while they shop, chatter, and giggle somewhere. Then about 30 mins of driving drop offs during which I'll hear their gossip. Great night!

[Pink Cashmere]

So Mister just got a little testy with me and I was like “Hold up! Don’t get aggravated with ME about that”. See, his children and his Dad have more requirements regarding food than Mister and I do. They have to have breakfast, lunch and dinner, and snacks in between. Mister’s Dad asked me the other day to call Mister and ask him where was his snack. Mister often cooks breakfast on his days off work, but other than that, we just eat whatever, whenever.

So right now, we have a refrigerator full of leftovers from several dinners, and I am the Queen of not eating old food, so if I think the leftovers are still good, they are. To me, leftovers are trash after 3 days max, even though Mister will eat them beyond that if I don’t throw them away first.

So, it was not on my radar that dinner needed to be cooked today, given all the leftovers in the refrigerator. But I guess we need a fresh dinner because his Dad is here. That’s fine, but don’t get testy with me because I didn’t start the dinner I didn’t know needed to be cooked. I knew chicken breasts had been moved from the freezer to the refrigerator to thaw out, but I didn’t know it would’ve been helpful if I’d baked them today.

I don’t care about baking stupid chicken breasts. That’s easy, even by my standards. I do care about it being said that I didn’t care about what anybody else was going to eat for dinner because I was willing to eat leftovers. As if that’s not how we usually do stuff! 

I nipped the argument in the bud and told him I’m not going to argue about it, I’ll cook the damn chicken breasts, and I went and put them in the oven. 

I understand he is dealing with a lot and stressed out, but I am firm and serious about not taking frustrations out on me when I’m not the one you are upset with. Lord knows I’ve been upset, angry, and turned inside out many, many times during our relationship, about things that had to do with my family and nothing to do with him, and I’ve always been mindful of not taking my frustrations and anger out on anyone that didn’t cause it, especially not him. I expect the same from him.

So if we have to spend a crazy amount of money on groceries while YD and his Dad are here, because they need all these meals and snacks, I’ve not said a word about it. I admit I’ve grumbled a little when they wanted take out, even when there was food at home, but he pays for that, so whatever. But don’t get testy with me about not thinking about what we need to cook for dinner when we have a refrigerator full of leftovers that I am okay with having for dinner tonight.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 29, 2022 20:22:01 GMT -5 azucena said:

Pink - you might consider yoga. I've done a couple of classes in person and one online. I was amazed at how well it shut down my type A anxiety brain. And I was terrible at it LOL. Slept like a lark afterwards too. Looking for ways to fit it in twice a week in the new yr.

Picked up a couple of dd14s oldest friends spur of the moment this afternoon. Took them to thrift store while I listened to podcast in the sun outside. Took to dinner at the mall food court, and now sitting in Starbucks while they shop, chatter, and giggle somewhere. Then about 30 mins of driving drop offs during which I'll hear their gossip. Great night!

I am actually a HUGE fan of yoga. It’s one of the things DD thought was weird, but DS was willing to experiment with, with me.

I went to yoga classes several years ago, after convincing a former friend to go with me, because I didn’t have the courage to go by myself. She liked it, but didn’t stick with it, but I kept going without her. I LOVED it. 

The biggest problem was that there were no classes closer to where I lived, so I had to drive almost 30 minutes to get to the class, or any class. But once I got there, it was an hour where I could leave all my worries and troubles outside and just focus on me, what I was doing and the feedback I got from my body about how each pose felt to me. I left those classes feeling a weird (to me) mix of feeling totally relax, yet full of energy.

Because of the drive, I started practicing at home. I enjoyed it, but I never got that same feeling of being so relaxed, but full of energy. I still enjoyed it though.

Then DD and the kids moved home again, then I met Mister, and I just never had the space and privacy to do my thing again. 

When we moved here, I claimed our unfurnished dining room with wood floors as my yoga room. But it’s never actually been established and respected as my private space, so I still don’t do my thing in there.

Part of my “assignments” with my new therapist, is making that space mine for real, and I’m working on it.

But when I tried the learning to belly dance today, it was in our bedroom, with the door closed, while Mister was still at work.

[azucena]

Oh, duh, forgot about your yoga room LOL. Want an accountability partner for that?

Had to laugh at your leftovers rant. Describes my husband and girls to a T. With DH I recognize that his parents would make weird soups out of leftovers mixing together some crazy concoctions and calling it dinner for days. Partly bc of poverty and partly sheer laziness. Meanwhile I grew up eating leftovers too as we dared not waste perfectly good food in a farmers family of 7. I still don't mind them, however, DH seems to see them as a personal affront and slip back into poverty. Unfortunately, my girls are just spoiled. Told a story the other day about my upstairs bedroom not having heat and DD14 got wide-eyed. Realized I should share more of that stuff with them but I don't even think of it bc it's just normal to me.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Today was really busy, we started going through the Panama Canal around 7 this morning, so we were out on the balcony watching.  Got dressed, had a quick breakfast and went up to the Explorer’s lounge on the 7th deck to watch.  Mimosas were being served, so drank several.  TD had prime standing space out in front where he was getting some good pics.  

There are 3 locks to go through, and we were through them all around 3.  When we got out into the Pacific, I counted over 26 ships waiting to go through.  I have no idea of the pecking order for entry into the locks though.  One of the guides told me that going through the locks can range from $400k to $1M.  

TD couldn't sleep last nigh5 so decided to do laundry around midnight.  He lost one of my socks, and since I brought only 6 pair of those (and they are Bombas), I got a little peeved.  That’s why I brought the lingerie bags to corral the socks.  Luckily, if someone finds laundry mixed in with their’s, it winds up on the table in the laundry room.  My sock was there this evening.  Stupid little things.

Tomorrow is a sea day, then we hit Costa Rica.  I need to get my butt to the gym tomorrow.

[chiver78]

I haven't caught up much, but wanted to share this. I forget who took my humidifier rec, maybe daisy? sorry.. but I want to say after two nights of sleeping mostly downstairs, I filled my humidifier while waiting on dinner, and turned it on low with the bedroom door almost closed. I just went in to make up my bed with clean sheets, and the airspace was magically glorious <cue the angels singing>. I refilled the water canister, and am seriously thinking about shutting the pups in my bedroom tonight so I can close the door entirely.

[Opti]

Congrats on recovering your sock. I hope you enjoyed your day.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 29, 2022 21:08:31 GMT -5 azucena said:

Oh, duh, forgot about your yoga room LOL. Want an accountability partner for that?

Had to laugh at your leftovers rant. Describes my husband and girls to a T. With DH I recognize that his parents would make weird soups out of leftovers mixing together some crazy concoctions and calling it dinner for days. Partly bc of poverty and partly sheer laziness. Meanwhile I grew up eating leftovers too as we dared not waste perfectly good food in a farmers family of 7. I still don't mind them, however, DH seems to see them as a personal affront and slip back into poverty. Unfortunately, my girls are just spoiled. Told a story the other day about my upstairs bedroom not having heat and DD14 got wide-eyed. Realized I should share more of that stuff with them but I don't even think of it bc it's just normal to me.

I would be glad to be accountability partners with you! We can work out the specifics through PM’s if you like. I would like to.

I don’t mind leftovers, mostly because it’s an easy way to have a meal without having to COOK. LOL! When I do cook, it’s often with the intention of having enough left over to eat for lunch or dinner the next day. I don’t like cooking, so if I can cook once and eat twice, I’m winning lol. I don’t think Mister’s children or his Dad have a real aversion to leftovers, because I know for a fact that they have all eaten leftovers at our house, it’s just that if they have a taste for something else, that’s what they want, and usually that’s what Mister provides, regardless of what’s readily available to eat in the kitchen.

I’m just saying that if he and I are use to eating leftovers and definitely prefer them over cooking all over again most of the time, don’t get mad at ME because that’s not good enough for your children and/or your Dad.

Providing food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and snacks in between, adds to out grocery costs, but I don’t fuss about that. Having someone cooking breakfast and lunch and eating snacks while we are at work increases the amount of work I do to keep our kitchen and dishes clean. I don’t fuss about that either, unless they make a mess beyond dishes in the sink and don’t clean it up. Well, I might fuss if I come home to a mountain of dirty dishes in the sink, when there is an empty dishwasher right next to the sink.

I know that 3 meals/day, breakfast, lunch and dinner….. is supposed to be the norm, but Mister’s family are the first people I’ve known and shared space with, that actually require that every single day, and with snacks in between meals. I’m not saying they are wrong, I’m just saying I’m not use to it.

When my children were old enough to stay at home by themselves, I provided breakfast foods they could cook if they wanted to, stuff to make sandwiches with while I was at work, and dinner (that they might have to cook themselves while I was at work if I didn’t cook before I went to work, since I worked evenings), and even stuff for them to snack on, but food was NOT a huge thing and the source of battles, like it is with Mister’s family.

[TheOtherMe]

Mom was one of those people who had to keep everything spotless at all times, even though she worked.

One of my major childhood memories is when my sister dropped a jar of pickles on the kitchen floor.  She didn't mean to do it but did she ever hear it.  We both went to our rooms when mom stopped yelling.

That made me rebel.  My sister keeps house like my mom.  

[Artemis Windsong]

We are B-L-D and snacks people. We also eat different foods at breakfast like I'm oatmeal and protein powder on tennis days then egg white burrito on other days. He has more variety that he makes. Oatmeal, a tater crown and egg/cheese dish or frozen waffles. Maybe an egg sandwich.

Lunch is usually left overs and the same with dinner. We add different sides from the first meal of a recipe for the second night. Snacks are usually snack bars during golf or if the meal wasn't filling enough. Starting tennis at 11:00 a.m. over the lunch hour bothers me but I started eating two breakfasts - one early and one before tennis to keep my energy level up. I like fruit cups for a bedtime snack. A lot fewer calories than half a PBJ sandwich.

I'm starting to track the recipes and how long the meat portion of the meal lasts. We easily fall into tacos and nachos meals. Fast and time flexible for us. Our eating schedules would drive most people bonkers because we eat at different times depending on what sport we are playing and when we get home. This can cause dinner issues if I prepped meat and other things for a stir fry and some of the meat goes to nachos before I get home!

I have gotten over my annoyance of cooking and doing dishes. I don't have a dishwasher so I do the dishes right after lunch and dinner even if just a few dishes.

[Artemis Windsong]

Pink - what kind of food battles in your H's family?

I have known women who hide foods like cookies/chocolate from the rest of the family.

Another man I knew said all the snack chips were gone shortly after getting home from shopping. H-w-2kids.

One I saw at a family Thanksgiving was my GrS had driven 3.5 hours from work arriving about 9:30 p.m. He asked what was for dinner. My DD said cold cut/cheese tray so he took it out of the fridge and started finishing the left overs. She ruined his night by beotching him out saying that tray was to last until afternoon the next day. I don't know about GrS but we usually stop and eat before getting to their house.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 29, 2022 21:57:00 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Mom was one of those people who had to keep everything spotless at all times, even though she worked.

One of my major childhood memories is when my sister dropped a jar of pickles on the kitchen floor.  She didn't mean to do it but did she ever hear it.  We both went to our rooms when mom stopped yelling.

That made me rebel.  My sister keeps house like my mom.  

I don’t get upset over things like that, it was an accident. I would get upset though, if the mess was left in the floor for me to clean up. 

I drop and spill stuff myself. But I clean it up. That’s the important part, to me.

[Pink Cashmere]

So now, I have a whole ‘nother issue. I bet you all are surprised, NOT. LOL!

Mister’s Dad told me today how he is doing so much better and he took his medicine today on his own, without Mister reminding him to take it. 

But a few minutes ago, Mister was talking about how he called his Dad at 9:30 this morning to wake him up so he could go take his medicine, the medicine he was supposed to have taken at 8:00, that Dad told me he’d taken with no prompting, on time.

The outdoor camera that’s been in the house to charge, and Mister used to keep an eye on Boy while we were at work, is now in the kitchen so Mister can keep an eye on his Dad and try to make sure he doesn’t burn the house down while we aren’t at home. 

His Dad did not go in the kitchen this morning (where his meds are) until after Mister kept calling him and he finally woke up and answered the phone around 9:30. 

One of my “flaws” is that I do not do well with people lying to me. I don’t really care what the circumstances are, or the reason, don’t lie to me. I know a lot of life includes gray areas, but I am kind of black and white when it comes to lying to me, even if that makes me unreasonable. And I especially don’t like it when people offer me lies about things I haven’t even asked about. Just, don’t. 

So Mister’s Dad clearly lied to me about taking his medicine on time this morning, and saying he did it with no prompting from Mister. I didn’t even ask him about that, he offered that lie to me, out of the blue.

I know how strongly I feel about being lied to, especially when I didn’t even ask a question in the first place, but I don’t even know what to do with that.

I need some advice, quick, fast, and in a hurry, because now I’m inclined to be looking at him crazy because that is a real thing for me, and something I can’t ignore ever happened, no matter who did it. I deal with it in different ways, depending on the relationship I have with that person, but I have no idea how to handle this one. All I do know is that I’m likely to be looking crazy at him from now on, and not see him the same way I have before. I don’t bother to try to hide what I’m thinking and how I feel at any given time, unless it’s advantageous for me, and I’ve been told a million times that my facial expressions say a lot, even when I don’t verbally say anything, even at my job. It’s true, and I don’t even try to have a poker face unless I’m in a situation where it will benefit me.

I don’t want to be mean to Mister’s Dad and be looking at him crazy. But I seriously have a problem with being lied to. Whether he took his medicine on time and without prompting may be a minor thing, but I still have an issue with him voluntarily telling me something different, especially when I didn’t even ask about it. I love “old” people, always have, and have a soft spot in my heart for them, but apparently they are not exempt from how I feel about people lying to me, or I wouldn’t even be typing this. 

[busymom]

I'm sorry to say it could be dementia, Pink Cashmere.  He may not be fibbing, he might actually think he took it.  Or, he's afraid of being put into a "home", so he could be lying so you won't "lock him away".  My Mom had dementia, and it's VERY difficult to deal with.  You have my sincere sympathy, because everyone who gets it acts differently.     Some get angry when you catch them in their mistakes, some sulk, and some deny.  There are no easy answers.  

[giramomma]

Pink.

The truth is a very subjective thing.

I get how you feel. My mom feels the same way.

Yet, I've also heard her directly lie to others.

She told folks that she was at the hospital every day for dad's last three weeks of life.

She wasn't.

My mom had an emotional need to look like the doting, loving, caring wife until the end.

No one would have faulted my mom for taking the break she needed.

So. What would confronting Mister's Dad accomplish? I'm telling you, probably nothing.

I don't correct my mom when she's wrong. It will do no good if I'm playing the long game. Short game, all it's going to do is cause a fight.

Can you separate that this isn't about you? It's likely about his dad?

[azucena]

Think of it as him reverting to young kid status like in other aspects of aging. So even if he's lying, it's likely not in a disrespectful and more like he's trying not to get in more trouble.

Or just as likely he's mixed up his days and facts or is trying to keep the peace.

[giramomma]

Another way of looking at things.

I don't hide how I feel about my mom.

I do think about what the cost/benefit is when I choose to interact with her.

Now, it was worth it for me to push back on my mom when she went without heat for 4 days and wasn't going to do anything to make herself warm. No going to a public space during the day, no going to a hotel at night, no going out and buying space heaters.

She was going to sit and freeze and wait it out. Because she wasn't spending any more of her money.

The lies over my dad? Calling my mom out when she had things wrong because she had a need to look like she was sacrificing for me (like a good mother does)...I just move on.

Just use the situation as a data point to help you decide how you all are going to move forward.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 29, 2022 23:12:54 GMT -5 busymom said:

I'm sorry to say it could be dementia, Pink Cashmere .  He may not be fibbing, he might actually think he took it.  Or, he's afraid of being put into a "home", so he could be lying so you won't "lock him away".  My Mom had dementia, and it's VERY difficult to deal with.  You have my sincere sympathy, because everyone who gets it acts differently.     Some get angry when you catch them in their mistakes, some sulk, and some deny.  There are no easy answers.  

Thank you.

But nobody “caught” him in a mistake. Maybe Mister did, because he had to call him repeatedly to get him to get up and go take his medicine. But I didn’t know anything about that. So I don’t get why he volunteered that information, that was lies, to me. I had nothing to do with it, and didn’t know anything about whether he took it on time or not, until he told me boastfully that he did, without Mister’s prompting. And later this evening, Mister told me what really happened.