what are you doing right now?

[Pink Cashmere]

Y’all, Mister’s Dad’s Doctor finally called in the stuff for Dad that he was supposed to have done last week. When we took him to the Doctor last week, the back of his hand was red and painful, tender to the touch, from the IV when he was in the hospital. It had/has a small raised part in the middle of the redness. So he was going to call in some antibiotics for that.

He also said that it seems like Dad is having a lot of anxiety about Mom being so sick, so he was going to give him something for that. I asked was it something he would just take when he’s feeling anxious, or what. He said no, he will take it once a day. 

Then, I SPECIFICALLY ASKED HIM, SO IF HE DOES HAVE SOMETHING GOING ON LIKE EARLY DEMENTIA, THAT THE NEUROLOGIST IS GOING TO TEST HIM FOR, WILL THIS MEDICINE AFFECT WHATEVER CONDITION HE MIGHT HAVE, LIKE MAKE IT WORSE?

My apologies for yelling, but I’m kind of pissed off now. He told me no.

Mister just got home with the medicine and came and stuck the patient info sheet under my nose. The very FIRST FUCKING LINE says it can cause death in older patients experiencing dementia!!! And any patient that takes it must be watched closely because, in summary, it can very negatively affect their mental health. And under all those warnings in that box, it says this medicine is prescribed for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. 

Why the FUCK would he give a patient that has to go to a neurologist to be tested for dementia that medicine? I’m not a damn Doctor, but I thought to ask if the medicine would cause more problems if he does actually have dementia. Because TO ME, even though I’m not a Doctor, my brain tells me that if something is already going on with somebody’s brain, you should probably be careful with giving them medicine that affects the brain. And the Doctor said no, it won’t cause any additional problems even if he does have dementia.

Is DEATH not a freaking problem?! Or is it that he doesn’t fit the description of “older” because he is 68?

Somebody, please make it make sense. I might not be so upset had I not specifically asked about it. Is it just me, am I wrong to be upset about it? What if Mister was not a responsible type person and just gave it to his Dad without reading the patient info?

This is the man that Mister just realized put a pot of rice in the microwave while I was gone to the Doctor and Mister was still at work. He said he didn’t know the pot was metal, he thought it was a plastic pot. I said (gently) “think about what you just said. You thought a pot that we use to cook on the stove was plastic”? He said “I’m sorry, my mind don’t be right sometimes”.

Lord help us.

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 18:39:57 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

We have always done what we could for people and causes we thought would benefit from our support, including the occasional personal loan for some people seeking to escape abusive relationships. We choose to support efforts to reduce hunger and increase access to medical services in our community, and also animal welfare efforts, particularly neuter/spay.

I tend to trust charities more than my own instincts or the gubmint when it comes to spending my donated funds wisely. I'm fortunate- my close friends and relatives are all financially solvent and functional. We did provide some help to late DH's son and to his brother and SIL on occasion. Stepson's second wife abruptly filed for divorce and pretty much took everything but, to be fair, she'd brought most of it into the marriage and got tired of waiting for DSS to grow up and get a real job.

My donations, other than the church, are focused on works with long-term effects, mostly private schools that provide scholarships to promising students whose parents can't afford the tuition. I know we need to feed hungry people, too, but I'd like to help decrease the number of hungry people.

[Deleted]

I just called and cancelled our BOA HELOC which we only used once back in 2015. That was simpler than jumping through all the hoops to get it re-titled in the name of the trust and provide proof of insurance. I know the classic wisdom is that cancelling stuff will ding you credit score, but my give a damn is busted right now.

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 19, 2022 18:22:42 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I struggle with the balance for myself of being generous while not feeling taken advantage of. DH and I have had many conversations about this over the last year. We are done being generous with the wrong people. I'm not saying we will be perfect going forward but we are making a more conscious decision about how we spend our dollars.

I don't want to be taken advantage of but I also don't want to feel like a stingy, miserable person. I have been very blessed and benefited from others' generosity. I've worked very hard to get to this position but there's also been luck that led me here.

Someone from the old boards booked me a hotel room on points when I did my job interview for the job I have now. That's just one example.

I have been both the giver and the recipient of generosity.

When I was in a tough place financially, a friend loaned me money at no interest and I paid every penny back as promised even though there was no written note.  It was a handshake deal.

I had enough airline points to get DN1 to Washington DC from Iowa when he was given about 3 days notice that he was selected for an internship at the World Bank but he had to get there by the following Monday.  I thought that was the least I could do because buying airfare that late is so expensive that he was considering giving it all up.  College students don't have any money.  I was flying a lot then and it didn't cost me anything to give him miles to get there.

[taz157]

Dec 19, 2022 18:54:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Dec 19, 2022 13:14:12 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Looking for others thoughts?

I work 2 side jobs. Side job #1 pays me the same fee today as I when I started 6 years ago. For the past few years, it was unknown if I was doing any work so treated as just a bonus. Side job #2 has increased the fee $5 per hour every year. I started both at the same rate. Now I’m thinking of writing a letter to state my fee increases from X to Y effective 1/1/23 for side job #1. What rate percent is too high?

FWIW, side job #2’s fee has increased 70% from what I started. I do realize that 70% increase is way too much. I started at $50/hr and side job #2 will be $85/hr next year. I was thinking $60/hr to $65/hr for side job #1. Too much?

Honestly, I'd ditch job 1 and devote those hours to job 2 since it increases every year.

Job #1 is a larger firm and I only complete work for select people. The hours fluctuate, which I’m okay with. Job #2 is for 1 person. Clients I work are pretty the same as years before. The person has semi-retired so less clients, which is okay, because the ones dropped were PITAs and messy. There are less hours but I still have my dad job. Day job doesn’t know about side jobs either. I tend to work on side jobs at night or weekends.

[giramomma]

I kept down a popsicle and jello.

I've also slept most of the day.

I need to g back to sleep.

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 18:57:34 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Dec 19, 2022 18:39:57 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

We have always done what we could for people and causes we thought would benefit from our support, including the occasional personal loan for some people seeking to escape abusive relationships. We choose to support efforts to reduce hunger and increase access to medical services in our community, and also animal welfare efforts, particularly neuter/spay.

I tend to trust charities more than my own instincts or the gubmint when it comes to spending my donated funds wisely. I'm fortunate- my close friends and relatives are all financially solvent and functional. We did provide some help to late DH's son and to his brother and SIL on occasion. Stepson's second wife abruptly filed for divorce and pretty much took everything but, to be fair, she'd brought most of it into the marriage and got tired of waiting for DSS to grow up and get a real job.

My donations, other than the church, are focused on works with long-term effects, mostly private schools that provide scholarships to promising students whose parents can't afford the tuition. I know we need to feed hungry people, too, but I'd like to help decrease the number of hungry people.

Absolutely!  Treat the disease, not just the symptom

[countrygirl2]

My kitties will be boarded at the vets. They used to take care of Black and BJ, the same ladies work there, they are super with pets. I'm betting by the time we get back the boys like them.

[cooper88]

We are also going to be really cold on Friday. 25 is the estimate for the high. I decided today to finally plant the last of the clearance perennials I picked up this fall. I'm also super happy the HVAC guy got the backup heat thingy functional on the heat pump.

[jerseygirl]

Haven’t seen any posts by opt4 coolcars.
Hoping she’s ok in this freezing weather

[countrygirl2]

Hubs has decided we are going to turn the water off while we are gone. He said if the electric should go off and pipes bust at least wouldn't be much water. And we have a basement with a sump pump and backup too so wouldn't hurt much. I lay floor tile that has channels underneath so if you get water it drains out without damaging other parts.

We are leaving on the Christmas lights, they are all LED's.

The lady showed me her light bill, she can't figure why it's so much. Her furnace is propane and other than the water heater that's it. I know she doesn't use much electric as she has few lights on. They really need to investigate Duke around here and see what the hell they are doing. People's bills are going nuts. I could see all electric heat but nope.

We are 25 days in for the next cycle, generally 30 days. Used 1449 only generated 400 plus this month, lots of gloomy days. But the 1400 is also after some has been channeled into it during the day. And I bet that 1000 kilowatts cost us dearly.  Folks are talking near $500 bills and worrying about the bills from this month with the brutal cold. Never heard of bills like this before. I never say how much ours are, don't want to make folks feel bad. Hubs said when we got solar if the bills kept raising like we thought they were it would pay off. Well, looking like that is going to happen.

[cooper88]

So I'm just hanging out and having a cup of coffee. My friend said she's bringing over some biscochitos. Kind of wondering if I will even need to make dinner tonight or if I can just eat the cookies instead.

[notagain]

Cookies!!

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 18:57:27 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Y’all, Mister’s Dad’s Doctor finally called in the stuff for Dad that he was supposed to have done last week. When we took him to the Doctor last week, the back of his hand was red and painful, tender to the touch, from the IV when he was in the hospital. It had/has a small raised part in the middle of the redness. So he was going to call in some antibiotics for that.

He also said that it seems like Dad is having a lot of anxiety about Mom being so sick, so he was going to give him something for that. I asked was it something he would just take when he’s feeling anxious, or what. He said no, he will take it once a day. 

Then, I SPECIFICALLY ASKED HIM, SO IF HE DOES HAVE SOMETHING GOING ON LIKE EARLY DEMENTIA, THAT THE NEUROLOGIST IS GOING TO TEST HIM FOR, WILL THIS MEDICINE AFFECT WHATEVER CONDITION HE MIGHT HAVE, LIKE MAKE IT WORSE?

My apologies for yelling, but I’m kind of pissed off now. He told me no.

Mister just got home with the medicine and came and stuck the patient info sheet under my nose. The very FIRST FUCKING LINE says it can cause death in older patients experiencing dementia!!! And any patient that takes it must be watched closely because, in summary, it can very negatively affect their mental health. And under all those warnings in that box, it says this medicine is prescribed for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. 

Why the FUCK would he give a patient that has to go to a neurologist to be tested for dementia that medicine? I’m not a damn Doctor, but I thought to ask if the medicine would cause more problems if he does actually have dementia. Because TO ME, even though I’m not a Doctor, my brain tells me that if something is already going on with somebody’s brain, you should probably be careful with giving them medicine that affects the brain. And the Doctor said no, it won’t cause any additional problems even if he does have dementia.

Is DEATH not a freaking problem?! Or is it that he doesn’t fit the description of “older” because he is 68?

Somebody, please make it make sense. I might not be so upset had I not specifically asked about it. Is it just me, am I wrong to be upset about it? What if Mister was not a responsible type person and just gave it to his Dad without reading the patient info?

This is the man that Mister just realized put a pot of rice in the microwave while I was gone to the Doctor and Mister was still at work. He said he didn’t know the pot was metal, he thought it was a plastic pot. I said (gently) “think about what you just said. You thought a pot that we use to cook on the stove was plastic”? He said “I’m sorry, my mind don’t be right sometimes”.

Lord help us.

I'm sorry, this is so tough for you and Mister.  This is sort of why I worried about you having Mister's dad live with you when you are both going to be back at work.  He can't help what's going on in his head right now but it can have really bad consequences for all of you.  

[Empire the P.A.]

I made carrot cake muffins. A small batch because we eat too much in my house. 

[Deleted]

It's official - some folks are getting New Year's gifts because Lush Cosmetics has basically no clue where my order is or when it will arrive. And that's okay because one recipient isn't fussy and the other is Jewish so being on time for Christmas doesn't matter to either.

[busymom]

Pink Cashmere, I'd be calling that doctor & telling him what is printed on the warning.  Don't use your "outside" voice though, say it and then ask if he/she should be considering a different medication.  (Then, if that's his primary doctor, maybe it's time to find him a new doctor...)  Health care sucks in this country right now, and everyone needs an advocate. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 19, 2022 19:51:09 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Dec 19, 2022 18:57:27 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Y’all, Mister’s Dad’s Doctor finally called in the stuff for Dad that he was supposed to have done last week. When we took him to the Doctor last week, the back of his hand was red and painful, tender to the touch, from the IV when he was in the hospital. It had/has a small raised part in the middle of the redness. So he was going to call in some antibiotics for that.

He also said that it seems like Dad is having a lot of anxiety about Mom being so sick, so he was going to give him something for that. I asked was it something he would just take when he’s feeling anxious, or what. He said no, he will take it once a day. 

Then, I SPECIFICALLY ASKED HIM, SO IF HE DOES HAVE SOMETHING GOING ON LIKE EARLY DEMENTIA, THAT THE NEUROLOGIST IS GOING TO TEST HIM FOR, WILL THIS MEDICINE AFFECT WHATEVER CONDITION HE MIGHT HAVE, LIKE MAKE IT WORSE?

My apologies for yelling, but I’m kind of pissed off now. He told me no.

Mister just got home with the medicine and came and stuck the patient info sheet under my nose. The very FIRST FUCKING LINE says it can cause death in older patients experiencing dementia!!! And any patient that takes it must be watched closely because, in summary, it can very negatively affect their mental health. And under all those warnings in that box, it says this medicine is prescribed for bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. 

Why the FUCK would he give a patient that has to go to a neurologist to be tested for dementia that medicine? I’m not a damn Doctor, but I thought to ask if the medicine would cause more problems if he does actually have dementia. Because TO ME, even though I’m not a Doctor, my brain tells me that if something is already going on with somebody’s brain, you should probably be careful with giving them medicine that affects the brain. And the Doctor said no, it won’t cause any additional problems even if he does have dementia.

Is DEATH not a freaking problem?! Or is it that he doesn’t fit the description of “older” because he is 68?

Somebody, please make it make sense. I might not be so upset had I not specifically asked about it. Is it just me, am I wrong to be upset about it? What if Mister was not a responsible type person and just gave it to his Dad without reading the patient info?

This is the man that Mister just realized put a pot of rice in the microwave while I was gone to the Doctor and Mister was still at work. He said he didn’t know the pot was metal, he thought it was a plastic pot. I said (gently) “think about what you just said. You thought a pot that we use to cook on the stove was plastic”? He said “I’m sorry, my mind don’t be right sometimes”.

Lord help us.

I'm sorry, this is so tough for you and Mister.  This is sort of why I worried about you having Mister's dad live with you when you are both going to be back at work.  He can't help what's going on in his head right now but it can have really bad consequences for all of you.  

I know he can’t help it. He just apologized to me again about it and said he wouldn’t do it again. I told him I’m not upset with him. I’m not.

I know Mister and I have to work, and I honestly don’t know what to do about the situation with his Dad. I know he’s been having issues, but I didn’t expect him to do something like that. I am even more concerned now about him being here by himself while we are at work.

[giramomma]

spoke too soon

[MarionTh230]

Dec 19, 2022 18:56:25 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Dec 19, 2022 18:53:53 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Sitting around and bemoaning the weather.  It's not even close to the kind of cold most of you deal with, but, we just don't like it when it gets cold in the deep south.  With the Arctic Blast pushing down later this week I'm a bit cranky about it.  It's not that we just don't like the cold, we also aren't built for it.  Predicted lows in the teens is a real problem.  With the cold and the rain, it's making a mess of our schedule for this week too.  Did 3 grocery stores plus the produce stand today.  Still have to make a list for DH to bring home since he works at a grocery store.  I was chasing sales because the bill at Thanksgiving at the 'big box store we will not name' at Thanksgiving had me quite upset!  Did much better on the dollar total, but, such a PITA.  

Off to wash and prep the produce from today's grocery extravaganza.  Also have to feed the kiddo.  If I'm feeling real frisky after that, I'll go through my sewing stuff and dig out some projects to work on this week.

I hear you!  We're forecast for 18 Friday morning and we are not built for that at all.  We've done what we could and now we'll see what happens

I'm along the same interstate corridor as you, but much further to the east.  As of the news we watched this morning, we are forecasted for 18 on Saturday morning.  The other issue is, we are in the low 20's the day before and the day after that.  It will be sustained cold.  I'll keep an eye on the forecast.  I guess the only saving grace at the moment is we do get highs above freezing every day.  I mean, 35 is just barely above freezing but it's something.

The other problem I am having with the weather is the rain.  Over the weekend they said it will rain tomorrow.  Then this morning, they were all like oh, rain will start today after lunch with scattered showers and move in by the evening commute.  Well, I did grocery shopping today so I wouldn't have to get rained on tomorrow.  And the rain did hold off until we were back home and inside putting the last of the groceries away.  But, I still have to cover at least one of my outdoor faucets.  I can't do it in the rain and wrap it in wet insulation.  So now I have that chore left undone and hanging over my head until the rain breaks.  This weather is getting on my last nerve!

[countrygirl2]

I like to donate to Smile Train. They repair cleft lips for kids, think it's a wonderful charity. I do think a bigger percentage should go to the work but it is a good cause. I can only imagine how children in other countries with clefts are treated. Plus some have problems feeding as babies.

[MarionTh230]

Dec 19, 2022 19:23:37 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

We are also going to be really cold on Friday. 25 is the estimate for the high. I decided today to finally plant the last of the clearance perennials I picked up this fall. I'm also super happy the HVAC guy got the backup heat thingy functional on the heat pump.

Which perennials did you get?

We will *supposedly* have highs above freezing.  But, teens/20's for lows.  I'm not convinced the heat pump will keep up.  The last time it got this cold I hadn't done the AC/heat pump replacement/install.  We just had the strip heat.  The strip heat will keep up.  I know I still have the option to choose strip heat instead of the heat pump.  What I don't know is if it will switch automatically if the heat pump can't hit the setpoint?  I feel like I should be a responsible adult and figure that out, but whatever.  My DH has to be at work at 5am on the coldest morning.  Which means he will get up by 3am at the latest.  I'll just tell him to check it and switch it if it's not warm enough.  He will already have a list of freeze precautions to check on as soon as he wakes up.  What's one more thing on his list?

[countrygirl2]

And Pink, that is one of the reasons you cannot care for dementia patients in the home as they lose their good judgement. It's no fault of their own, they can't help it. And of course he did not intend to do it, but he will likely do it again and he will not remember. Sad as hell, I know. He is on medicare now so I would look into having someone in to help him. Also in Texas they had an adult daycare where I could take mom while I worked. Of course, she did not like it. but I used it for awhile. I can't remember now but seems like medicare or her insurance paid for it.

Mom got in the bathtub to bathe one day, I don't know how long she was in there but she couldn't figure out how to get out. She was in it when I came home. I had her put a towel on the bottom of the tub, then put her legs under her on it and stand up. She said well I should have been able to do that. Yes, she should have, but she just couldn't remember. She wanted DD to stay home to take care of her. Oh my, the blind leading the blind.

I don't think that will work, he could hurt himself or cause a fire, not meaning to at all. It sounds like someone needs to be with him.

[countrygirl2]

For ours the heat strip is only for emergency heat and man does it suck electric plus doesn't keep it very warm. Maybe yours is different.

[cooper88]

MarionTh230 I just got a lot of assorted coneflowers. They are white, dark purple, dark orange, and an autumn colors assorted one.

My heat pump will switch back and forth automatically, apparently. We can also switch it manually if the heat pump just won't keep up when it's too cold.

[cooper88]

Pink Cashmere My mom with dementia went to adult day care at a senior center and it was free. It's funded by the Older Americans Act. We have it here too, but they have waiting lists now due to short staffing.

[MarionTh230]

Dec 19, 2022 20:24:00 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

For ours the heat strip is only for emergency heat and man does it suck electric plus doesn't keep it very warm. Maybe yours is different.

It does indeed use a lot of electricity.  If it goes into the teens/20s I'll use as much electricity as I do during the hottest days of the summer if I use the strip heat.  That's why when we replaced the AC unit, we got a heat pump.  We run the heat pump for heat now.  Unless for some reason it can't keep up.  Since this is the first time it's gotten this cold since we got the heat pump, we are going to find out if it keeps up or not.  The house is less than 1300sf.  Not an open floor plan either.  The last time it got this cold we didn't have the heat pump, and I set the thermostat at 72 and the strip heat kept up fine.  I do get drafts at doors and windows, but, it will keep it warm if necessary.  I'm way down south.  Strip heat was common around here before heat pumps came on the scene.  I literally have no idea what the rest of you are talking about when you go on about heating oil and geothermal and infrared and whatever other heating options are used in colder climates.  It just doesn't exist in my world, lol.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

We are all packed up.  TD is putting snow tires on my car for the drive to SEA tomorrow.  Just need to charge up electronics, and put last minute toiletries away.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dec 19, 2022 19:29:53 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Hubs has decided we are going to turn the water off while we are gone. He said if the electric should go off and pipes bust at least wouldn't be much water. And we have a basement with a sump pump and backup too so wouldn't hurt much. I lay floor tile that has channels underneath so if you get water it drains out without damaging other parts.

We are leaving on the Christmas lights, they are all LED's.

The lady showed me her light bill, she can't figure why it's so much. Her furnace is propane and other than the water heater that's it. I know she doesn't use much electric as she has few lights on. They really need to investigate Duke around here and see what the hell they are doing. People's bills are going nuts. I could see all electric heat but nope.

We are 25 days in for the next cycle, generally 30 days. Used 1449 only generated 400 plus this month, lots of gloomy days. But the 1400 is also after some has been channeled into it during the day. And I bet that 1000 kilowatts cost us dearly.  Folks are talking near $500 bills and worrying about the bills from this month with the brutal cold. Never heard of bills like this before. I never say how much ours are, don't want to make folks feel bad. Hubs said when we got solar if the bills kept raising like we thought they were it would pay off. Well, looking like that is going to happen.

Is there any chance she is using an electric space heater?  This use drove up our electric bill 50%, and it was only used occasionally.  

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 19, 2022 20:13:36 GMT -5 busymom said:

Pink Cashmere , I'd be calling that doctor & telling him what is printed on the warning.  Don't use your "outside" voice though, say it and then ask if he/she should be considering a different medication.  (Then, if that's his primary doctor, maybe it's time to find him a new doctor...)  Health care sucks in this country right now, and everyone needs an advocate. 

I think it’s probably better to just not have Mister’s Dad take anything for anxiety. Mister has BEEN disgruntled with this Doctor and probably does not trust him at all at this point.

I told Mister this evening, after the medicine mess, that it seems like it might be hard to change Primary Care Doctors in the middle of everything his Mom and Dad have going on. I am sure Mister would be relieved to have another Doctor that he believes is more capable, handling his parents’ medical care, but it seems like this is a very bad time to try to find another PCP, in the middle of all these issues. Am I wrong? Maybe it’s not as difficult as I’m thinking it would be?