what are you doing right now?

[finnime]

Wow, Pink, that's really shocking. They are not trying to do best by her at all.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 19, 2022 15:02:52 GMT -5 finnime said:

Wow, Pink, that's really shocking. They are not trying to do best by her at all.

It's all about $$$.  They tried to send my MIL home when Medicare decided it was done paying for her endless shuffling between the ICU and a facility. She was fucking dying!

They tried to send my grandmother home too because Medicare wasn't going to pay for her to be in the hospital any longer.   She'd only been there 4 days and there was testimony from the nurses she couldn't live on her own.  Didn't care.

You have to be heartless and refuse to take them.  They are going to guilt you because while they are trying to find a place to put her that is a bed that could be taken up by someone who is paying.  They want that liability gone because as long as the patient is their problem they are responsible for putting them som place safe.

You think Medicare isn't happy and wants to know this wasn't caused by PT just wait to see what happens if the doctor tries to discharge her, she injures herself at home and then comes back to the hospital. 

That's why they are pushing so hard for you guys to take her home becuase then they can say it is not their fault you agreed to be the responsible party.

I am not saying the doctor isn't a problem but also his hands may be tied.  It is the system that is broken.  Doctors and nurses often do very much care about their patients.  Administration does not.  They see a bed being occupied by old people who aren't paying and that is hurting their bottom line and statistics.  So get her gone.

My dad just got called AGAIN by GUs nursing home telling him he has to pay the bill because he's "responsible".  Dad said no he's not he didn't sign anything and hung up.

That'll be the next tactic is they will try to claim Mister needs to pay if they won't allow her to be discharged.   That's another place you need to stand your ground that is not your problem either.

There is going to be A LOT of pushing on the hospital's part but eventually they will cave and figure out how to get her in some place. 

[jerseygirl]

Dec 19, 2022 14:55:04 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Well, they tried it. Someone at the hospital told Mister over the weekend that him, his Dad and his brother needed to come to a meeting at the hospital this morning, to make plans for Mom.

Apparently her Doctor did the discharge papers for her Friday, even though just the day before, at Dad’s appointment, the Dr was talking about how Mom’s wound is not healing, he said because she won’t eat. He said it’s going to be about 4 more weeks before the paperwork between the facility and Medicare gets sorted out. Apparently Medicare wants to be sure that the reason she goes to the facility this time is not related to the injuries she had physical therapy there for earlier this year, due to a car accident.

So today, they tried to send her home. Not to a facility, home. I had already told Mister yesterday that whatever they say, do NOT accept responsibility for her and don’t let your Dad do it. She can NOT go home. 

When they tried to insist, because they said she has to leave because the Doctor did the paperwork Friday to discharge her, Mister said he told them, whatever ambulance y’all gon put her in to take her home, you might as well tell them to just make the block and come on back, because she’s coming right back anyway. 

Mister already didn’t like his parent’s Doctor, he REALLY does not like him now.

Idk what they came up with, Mister was telling me on his way back to work. All I know for sure is he and his Dad refused to take her home.

Pink Medicare will pay for someone after hospital who needs skilled nursing - wound care (and I think physical therapy is included in that). Think Medicare pays for 100 days as long as the care is needed. Each time go to hospital and need nursing facility is a new period. It’s not 100 days in a year
The hospital social worker is supposed to meet with family to arrange for placement in a nursing or rehabilitation facility. The meeting should include the hospital social worker who knows about the facilities in the area. Good that Mister and his dad are adamant about not bringing her home, Medicare WILL pay if she needs skilled nursing or rehabilitation

I was through this numerous times with my DSis

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 12:34:39 GMT -5 finnime said:

countrygirl2 , why don't you do a cash and car for keys? Give her some $ to get into another home and the car when and only when she leaves the house she's in right now.

I had that thought, too.  She's milked you for free rent, implied on FB that you were heartless and had given no help, had excuse after excuse about why she couldn't be out when promised... this will never end. Anything you do now should be contingent on her and her stuff being GONE first.


I do believe it is better to give than to receive but I try to focus my good works in areas of genuine need, not on moochers.

[swamp]

Dec 19, 2022 15:02:52 GMT -5 finnime said:

Wow, Pink, that's really shocking. They are not trying to do best by her at all.

It's not shocking at all.   

[Deleted]

Pink Cashmere I'm sorry this additional stress is being placed on you all

[andi9899]

Dec 19, 2022 11:05:59 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

happy effing Monday.  my fridge is over-full, with yesterday's leftovers stacked on top of itself on every shelf. I grabbed the container of eggplant to make myself a sandwich, and realized it was sitting in a puddle of chicken juices from a package of BSCB that apparently leaked all over that shelf. that package is now sitting in a huge mixing bowl on its own shelf, until I can run it through the IP later today. I am so thankful that it didn't all leak into the produce bin below, and that I packaged everything in plastic containers last night rather than foil pans (like I usually do when I know it's temporary) because throwing out all of the above would have made me lose my mind. raw meats will no longer be stored on that bottom shelf, it doesn't have a raised edge on the sides...with the produce bins below. 

Girl! You should see me with raw meat in the refrigerator. It's double bagged with plastic bags and put on a plate with raised edges or in a bowl. Can you tell I've had that happen before?

[chiver78]

Dec 19, 2022 16:08:11 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Dec 19, 2022 11:05:59 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

happy effing Monday.  my fridge is over-full, with yesterday's leftovers stacked on top of itself on every shelf. I grabbed the container of eggplant to make myself a sandwich, and realized it was sitting in a puddle of chicken juices from a package of BSCB that apparently leaked all over that shelf. that package is now sitting in a huge mixing bowl on its own shelf, until I can run it through the IP later today. I am so thankful that it didn't all leak into the produce bin below, and that I packaged everything in plastic containers last night rather than foil pans (like I usually do when I know it's temporary) because throwing out all of the above would have made me lose my mind. raw meats will no longer be stored on that bottom shelf, it doesn't have a raised edge on the sides...with the produce bins below. 

Girl! You should see me with raw meat in the refrigerator. It's double bagged with plastic bags and put on a plate with raised edges or in a bowl. Can you tell I've had that happen before?

I've gotten complacent b/c it has been awhile since it's happened to me. definitely not in this fridge, maybe not in this house. you'd best believe I'll be on par with you from now on. so gross!! 

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 15:33:54 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Dec 19, 2022 12:34:39 GMT -5 finnime said:

countrygirl2 , why don't you do a cash and car for keys? Give her some $ to get into another home and the car when and only when she leaves the house she's in right now.

I had that thought, too.  She's milked you for free rent, implied on FB that you were heartless and had given no help, had excuse after excuse about why she couldn't be out when promised... this will never end. Anything you do now should be contingent on her and her stuff being GONE first.


I do believe it is better to give than to receive but I try to focus my good works in areas of genuine need, not on moochers.

I think once a person has established a reputation as someone who is willing to provide financial assistance and has the funds to do so, it's sort of hard to walk it back in a small, tightly-knit community, especially when they are worried about maintaining their reputation of generosity.   That's one pitfall of blurring the lines between business and personal relationships

[TheOtherMe]

It needs to be talked about in town that you have to pay your rent or you get evicted.  That is the reputation I would want.

[daisylu]

Well, serial attendance issue coworker did get let go today. I hate to see anyone get fired around the holidays, but she brought it on herself. Other coworker is happy because boss told her after that the sky is the limit for us now on OT. I don't want to work overtime.

I'm going to bed.

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 16:56:25 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

It needs to be talked about in town that you have to pay your rent or you get evicted.  That is the reputation I would want.

Yes, otherwise you are known as an easy touch

[chiver78]

Dec 19, 2022 16:36:35 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Dec 19, 2022 15:33:54 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

I had that thought, too.  She's milked you for free rent, implied on FB that you were heartless and had given no help, had excuse after excuse about why she couldn't be out when promised... this will never end. Anything you do now should be contingent on her and her stuff being GONE first.


I do believe it is better to give than to receive but I try to focus my good works in areas of genuine need, not on moochers.

I think once a person has established a reputation as someone who is willing to provide financial assistance and has the funds to do so, it's sort of hard to walk it back in a small, tightly-knit community, especially when they are worried about maintaining their reputation of generosity.   That's one pitfall of blurring the lines between business and personal relationships

but they are cutting ties and leaving for PNW. why would they care what people think of them after they leave? it sounds like they have no intention of going back, the tie was MIL and now she's gone. 

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 17:12:13 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Dec 19, 2022 16:36:35 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I think once a person has established a reputation as someone who is willing to provide financial assistance and has the funds to do so, it's sort of hard to walk it back in a small, tightly-knit community, especially when they are worried about maintaining their reputation of generosity.   That's one pitfall of blurring the lines between business and personal relationships

but they are cutting ties and leaving for PNW. why would they care what people think of them after they leave? it sounds like they have no intention of going back, the tie was MIL and now she's gone. 

It can be hard to change a mindset that you have embraced for a long time, like caring about community opinion.  And I don't see a steadfast commitment to moving away at this point, maybe at some future point.  Change is challenging, more for some than others.  

[taz157]

Dec 19, 2022 13:17:56 GMT -5 saveinla said:

Dec 19, 2022 13:14:12 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Looking for others thoughts?

I work 2 side jobs. Side job #1 pays me the same fee today as I when I started 6 years ago. For the past few years, it was unknown if I was doing any work so treated as just a bonus. Side job #2 has increased the fee $5 per hour every year. I started both at the same rate. Now I’m thinking of writing a letter to state my fee increases from X to Y effective 1/1/23 for side job #1. What rate percent is too high?

FWIW, side job #2’s fee has increased 70% from what I started. I do realize that 70% increase is way too much. I started at $50/hr and side job #2 will be $85/hr next year. I was thinking $60/hr to $65/hr for side job #1. Too much?

Ask for 70$ or more, so you can give a discount to 65 if pushed. Always ask for more than you want. 

Good luck.

I asked for $70/hr and also reiterated that my fee hasn’t gone up in 6 years. We’ll see. I should know more tomorrow.

[finnime]

Dec 19, 2022 15:36:50 GMT -5 swamp said:

Dec 19, 2022 15:02:52 GMT -5 finnime said:

Wow, Pink, that's really shocking. They are not trying to do best by her at all.

It's not shocking at all.   

You're right, of course. And it's a hurtful mess for people having difficulty negotiating the unsaid rules. 

[countrygirl2]

You guys it will be ok. The lady has lived there at least 6 years, she has paid her rent on time religiously except for 1 or 2 times when she had car troubles. Pace paid her October rent, so 2 months is it for now.

She is in a bad way. She is dealing with an outfit called Pace and they are paying her utilities so that will be ok, but it takes 20 to 60 days for them to do it. She is on a list to move into low income housing but they are estimating 3 months. We checked on propane because its' going to be brutal here. They are going to pay the back charge for her and fill the tank. We don't want pipes and everything frozen. 

I stopped to see her today, she must have lost 40 pounds or more. When I told her what we would do she started crying. She said I don't want you to have to do that. I had tried to message her and now she doesn't even have money for her phone. I asked her if she was eating and she said she has food stamps.  And yes her doctor is treating her for depression. It's easy to tell someone to just deal with it, but I know it is not that simple. Yes, I have been totally down before but I guess I'm strong enough to pull myself out. I also could barely walk and I've managed to help myself there too. But is everyone as strong as I am? And I have no idea how I am able to do it, it's just something inside me I suppose. I am a tough old broad, but I almost bought the farm not long after DD was born, so I do understand that too. I never told anyone. I thought on the way home of flooring the accelerator and just going off the road fast as I could. Then thought what would happen to son, and what if I killed DD but not myself or many other scenarios. That would have made it even worse, so pulled myself back from that. My inner turmoil has been there over the years believe me, but I would never give into it.

I know her history, she told me all of it when she rented from us years ago. She is a very clean person and she has never destroyed anything. This is another house that needed new flooring when she moved in. When we bought it we had a new furnace put in, that was it in all those years.

If we have to evict her we will, but don't want to put that on her record if we can prevent it.

My hubs and I got worried she could commit suicide. I told her she was going to have to get a job and she knows we are still going to fix the house and sell it. We will see how it goes when we come back. We can't do anything about a car till then, told her so.  We will find something, may not look so good, but hubs will look for something that has a few miles left in it if we can find one.

She has paid $500 a month for all those years so she has paid off the house plus. Isn't that sad. 

The people we have helped don't say anything, most are ashamed to be in the situation they are in.  I guess we will see how it turns out. 

[chiver78]

countrygirl2 she still trashed you guys on local social media. you're far too nice. I'd have been at my local municipal office filing eviction paperwork the day I ever saw that post you mentioned here. cash for keys is a solid suggestion, anything that gets her OUT so you can figure out what needs fixing before you sell. 

[countrygirl2]

Change is not hard for me at all, I can make changes easily. In fact I thrive on it, hubs is the one that has a really hard time with things like that.  I like to never got him to move 30 years ago, was the best thing that ever happened to us and him.

I wonder seriously if I can get him to do it, time will tell I suppose.

I have made one promise to myself, if we don't move I'm going to try and get myself out of this rut. I told him if he had bought the house in town like I wanted and it was a beauty, I would not have even considered moving.  We need to get out of the country.

The closing isn't going to happen till Jan 6, the guy is in Florida and he doesn't know how to do all this online, good grief, so is driving back up to do it. Also he decided not to cash in a CD and is going to do a loan instead. Don't know why but doesn't matter to us. Might be better to put that money in 23 anyway. He is a huge farmer here and his kids are all in it too. 

[countrygirl2]

We aren't even religious, yet we can turn the other check. 

People will get hit by karma and likely she already is from past decisions, but does that make it right to add to her woes? It will all work out.

I just believe that us doing good has led us to be prosperous and have better health than so many others around us. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I do believe that.

You know our son is the same way. He bought a friends motorcycle so his family could pay to have his body shipped home and buried. He already had one.  He has told me about things he has done for others too and it makes me proud.

[weltschmerz]

I checked out the pool at the new Community Sports Center.  It's a block away. i think I'll take up swimming again.
I have to buy a lock tomorrow from Dollarama to lock up my clothes and hair dryer.

[wvugurl26]

I struggle with the balance for myself of being generous while not feeling taken advantage of. DH and I have had many conversations about this over the last year. We are done being generous with the wrong people. I'm not saying we will be perfect going forward but we are making a more conscious decision about how we spend our dollars.

I don't want to be taken advantage of but I also don't want to feel like a stingy, miserable person. I have been very blessed and benefited from others' generosity. I've worked very hard to get to this position but there's also been luck that led me here.

Someone from the old boards booked me a hotel room on points when I did my job interview for the job I have now. That's just one example.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 19, 2022 18:01:39 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We aren't even religious, yet we can turn the other check. 

People will get hit by karma and likely she already is from past decisions, but does that make it right to add to her woes? It will all work out.

I just believe that us doing good has led us to be prosperous and have better health than so many others around us. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I do believe that.

You know our son is the same way. He bought a friends motorcycle so his family could pay to have his body shipped home and buried. He already had one.  He has told me about things he has done for others too and it makes me proud.

I am a work in progress, I don’t do well with turning the other cheek.

I believe the same as you, except I phrase it differently, I believe that my efforts to sprinkle kindness in the world where I can, comes back to me in the form of blessings.

I think most of us just don’t want your kindness and generosity to be taken advantage of, at least I don’t.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 19, 2022 18:22:42 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I struggle with the balance for myself of being generous while not feeling taken advantage of. DH and I have had many conversations about this over the last year. We are done being generous with the wrong people. I'm not saying we will be perfect going forward but we are making a more conscious decision about how we spend our dollars.

I don't want to be taken advantage of but I also don't want to feel like a stingy, miserable person. I have been very blessed and benefited from others' generosity. I've worked very hard to get to this position but there's also been luck that led me here.

Someone from the old boards booked me a hotel room on points when I did my job interview for the job I have now. That's just one example.

I feel you on this whole post.

Even to the point that someone from the old boards did something very kind and generous for me too. 

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 18:01:39 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We aren't even religious, yet we can turn the other check. 

People will get hit by karma and likely she already is from past decisions, but does that make it right to add to her woes? It will all work out.

I just believe that us doing good has led us to be prosperous and have better health than so many others around us. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I do believe that.

You know our son is the same way. He bought a friends motorcycle so his family could pay to have his body shipped home and buried. He already had one.  He has told me about things he has done for others too and it makes me proud.

I hope it all works out well for both of you

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 18:22:42 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

I struggle with the balance for myself of being generous while not feeling taken advantage of. DH and I have had many conversations about this over the last year. We are done being generous with the wrong people. I'm not saying we will be perfect going forward but we are making a more conscious decision about how we spend our dollars.

I don't want to be taken advantage of but I also don't want to feel like a stingy, miserable person. I have been very blessed and benefited from others' generosity. I've worked very hard to get to this position but there's also been luck that led me here.

Someone from the old boards booked me a hotel room on points when I did my job interview for the job I have now. That's just one example.

We have always done what we could for people and causes we thought would benefit from our support, including the occasional personal loan for some people seeking to escape abusive relationships.  We choose to support efforts to reduce hunger and increase access to medical services in our community, and also animal welfare efforts, particularly neuter/spay.  

[MarionTh230]

Dec 19, 2022 11:15:50 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Gwen and DH have commented I am trying too hard with Christmas.

Hey at least I decided it was NOT a good idea to try candy making for the first time ever this year!   

I found a recipe for Date candy that my great grandmother made and for a few minutes there I was tempted until I really read the recipe and realized that is definitely not a skill I have.  DH would probably appreciate it if I did not burn down our kitchen or cause third degree burns.

I am going to make my great great great grandmother's cookie recipe later next week before we go up to the nursing home.  I thought that would be a nice gift for grandma and then dad will take some out to GU for me.

That is something I will give my grandma credit for.  She wrote a lot of stuff down.  On the side of the card she wrote a Christmas memory about the cookies that even my dad didn't know about.  Those things are important to preserve because soon she won't remember them either. 

Trying too hard with Christmas......dude, I'm in the same boat with you.  We have been to so many Christmas activities in December, not to mention I don't know how many other things we did in November before Thanksgiving.  Christmas last year was the last time I saw my parent (besides the hospital).  I am quite purposefully keeping busy to avoid feeling empty.  I've been assuming that my behavior is to be expected.     I'm sure next year will be better.  And the year after that a little more better.  So on and so on.  But, for right now, yeah, cramming as much stuff into the schedule as I can.

[MarionTh230]

Sitting around and bemoaning the weather.  It's not even close to the kind of cold most of you deal with, but, we just don't like it when it gets cold in the deep south.  With the Arctic Blast pushing down later this week I'm a bit cranky about it.  It's not that we just don't like the cold, we also aren't built for it.  Predicted lows in the teens is a real problem.  With the cold and the rain, it's making a mess of our schedule for this week too.  Did 3 grocery stores plus the produce stand today.  Still have to make a list for DH to bring home since he works at a grocery store.  I was chasing sales because the bill at Thanksgiving at the 'big box store we will not name' at Thanksgiving had me quite upset!  Did much better on the dollar total, but, such a PITA.  

Off to wash and prep the produce from today's grocery extravaganza.  Also have to feed the kiddo.  If I'm feeling real frisky after that, I'll go through my sewing stuff and dig out some projects to work on this week.

[andi9899]

Dec 19, 2022 13:14:12 GMT -5 taz157 said:

Looking for others thoughts?

I work 2 side jobs. Side job #1 pays me the same fee today as I when I started 6 years ago. For the past few years, it was unknown if I was doing any work so treated as just a bonus. Side job #2 has increased the fee $5 per hour every year. I started both at the same rate. Now I’m thinking of writing a letter to state my fee increases from X to Y effective 1/1/23 for side job #1. What rate percent is too high?

FWIW, side job #2’s fee has increased 70% from what I started. I do realize that 70% increase is way too much. I started at $50/hr and side job #2 will be $85/hr next year. I was thinking $60/hr to $65/hr for side job #1. Too much?

Honestly, I'd ditch job 1 and devote those hours to job 2 since it increases every year.

[Deleted]

Dec 19, 2022 18:53:53 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Sitting around and bemoaning the weather.  It's not even close to the kind of cold most of you deal with, but, we just don't like it when it gets cold in the deep south.  With the Arctic Blast pushing down later this week I'm a bit cranky about it.  It's not that we just don't like the cold, we also aren't built for it.  Predicted lows in the teens is a real problem.  With the cold and the rain, it's making a mess of our schedule for this week too.  Did 3 grocery stores plus the produce stand today.  Still have to make a list for DH to bring home since he works at a grocery store.  I was chasing sales because the bill at Thanksgiving at the 'big box store we will not name' at Thanksgiving had me quite upset!  Did much better on the dollar total, but, such a PITA.  

Off to wash and prep the produce from today's grocery extravaganza.  Also have to feed the kiddo.  If I'm feeling real frisky after that, I'll go through my sewing stuff and dig out some projects to work on this week.

I hear you!  We're forecast for 18 Friday morning and we are not built for that at all.  We've done what we could and now we'll see what happens