what are you doing right now?

[giramomma]

One year ago I had my last chemo treatment.

Now I'm telling my husband I'm afraid of my mortality.

Although the lag in anger is pretty typical. When DH relapses, it takes me a year to get mad. The second time he was like WTF? Where did my supportive wife go? Cuz now I got the one with the pitchfork after me...

My lumpectomy was within a few days of  our 20th anniversary.

 

I'm hoping for 21 we can get our vows renewed. We have a deacon that I like, a lot. I'm not sure what he is, but I don't think he's a full priest.

I want vows that DH has half a shot of sticking to. I didn't get that first time around.

This is  a rather heavy posting for so early on a Thursday.

[anciana]

NomoreDramaQ1015, that sounds delightful, if that is the right word for it, and it sounds like it was exactly what you, your family, and your friends needed to remember your mom and support each other in your loss. *hugs*

[NoNamePerson]

Aug 11, 2022 8:21:26 GMT -5 giramomma said:

One year ago I had my last chemo treatment.

Now I'm telling my husband I'm afraid of my mortality.

Although the lag in anger is pretty typical. When DH relapses, it takes me a year to get mad. The second time he was like WTF? Where did my supportive wife go? Cuz now I got the one with the pitchfork after me...

My lumpectomy was within a few days of  our 20th anniversary.

 

I'm hoping for 21 we can get our vows renewed. We have a deacon that I like, a lot. I'm not sure what he is, but I don't think he's a full priest.

I want vows that DH has half a shot of sticking to. I didn't get that first time around.

This is  a rather heavy posting for so early on a Thursday.

 That's what this place is good for. Post away. Wishing you the very best is all I got.  

[raeoflyte]

Hugs Gira.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 11, 2022 8:21:26 GMT -5 giramomma said:

One year ago I had my last chemo treatment.

Now I'm telling my husband I'm afraid of my mortality.

Although the lag in anger is pretty typical. When DH relapses, it takes me a year to get mad. The second time he was like WTF? Where did my supportive wife go? Cuz now I got the one with the pitchfork after me...

My lumpectomy was within a few days of  our 20th anniversary.

 

I'm hoping for 21 we can get our vows renewed. We have a deacon that I like, a lot. I'm not sure what he is, but I don't think he's a full priest.

I want vows that DH has half a shot of sticking to. I didn't get that first time around.

This is  a rather heavy posting for so early on a Thursday.

I think that's normal at least from my perspective which is probably NOT remotely normal.  People like us don't allow ourselves to feel the feels in the moment because we need to get shit done.  It's only long after it is done that our emotions finally catch up and we can feel them.

[giramomma]

Aug 11, 2022 8:09:11 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Aug 10, 2022 18:05:10 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Thanks.

I don't mean to take away anything from what Drama is going through. It's tough.

Your mother sounds very unwell.  I think one of the hardest things to deal with is untreated mental illness because there's no logic or reasoning.  You've mentioned before that she refuses to seek treatment.  Do you think she's even capable of recognizing that something is wrong?  I admire the grace with which you treat your mother.

Well, to be fair. I'm not that graceful these days. I haven't checked in with her as I should in the last few weeks. And I haven't seen her in a long time.  I just don't have the emotional bandwidth. I just can't take being complained to/at all the time. She gets upset that I call when I can, rather than when she wants me to. Every conversation. "Why  can't you call me when I want you to." One day this week, I missed my window because I was helping DH improve a resume/cover letter for a job application. During the school year, dropping the girls off at school wasn't a good enough reason to not call my mom when she wants. Working isn't a good enough reason. (Because, you know, I should have never been working a dayjob in the first place. I should have been the SAHM. So, either way, I'm wrong for working.)

So, then it becomes  "which is worse" situation. Do I call at time she doesn't prefer (but generally is available) her not at all. It's how I maneuvered through my childhood, playing the which is worse game, and then proceeding accordingly.

My mom did mention to me once after dad died that she had moods. That's as far as it went. She has no real incentive to change because she doesn't believe that her behavior should enter into the equation. She really believes she's entitled to a relationship with the kids. It's my fault that she doesn't. I mean, you can substitute anything. She's entitled to help. But, if you don't offer in a codependent way or beg repeatedly, she won't relinquish control. And then it's everyone else's fault that she is dealing with health ailments that she really doesn't need to.

[countrygirl2]

Hubs shucked 6 dozen ears of corn for me this morning.  I had him call and get me up at 9. So then bed made up, d/w unloaded, trash out, washer started. DD fed, and boys fed. Sanitized the kitchen sinks and countertop. Water on to boil for corn. Cutting pan out, knife sharpened.

I'm eating my oats, will get ice out to cool my corn, and drop ears in. So almost ready to go. It won't take long, I have done 20 dozen before, what a job. This time I'm using flat quart freezer bags, think it will take up less room since I didn't get my big freezer cleaned.

DD's eye looks better she said I don't need to go to the doc, humm. She can open it wide already, scared me yesterday. I still think she needs to see her doc though.

We are going for fasting blood draws tomorrow morning.

Time to get to work.

Hubs has the little house looking good. His next project is the kitchen. New countertops, sink, and faucets, painting. I'm sure flooring. We are having carpet put in the rest.

I have lots of windows and appliances to clean down there.  Still I'm guessing even with outdoor work, it will be done next month, if nothing else interfers.

[finnime]

giramomma, I admire your ability to continue a relationship at all with your mother, and that you're approaching your 21st wedding anniversary. You are an amazing, strong, yet feeling woman. Your DH is wildly lucky as are your kids. I'm glad to know you. I'm very glad you're kicking C's ass.

[finnime]

I love the Google cat thing. I just decorated an entire page.

[daisylu]

HVAC guys showed up, work is proceeding. I have a call at noon that I HAVE to take, may need to scope out a quiet place.

[Deleted]

Aug 11, 2022 8:17:46 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Aug 11, 2022 8:02:51 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Hugs drama. It sounds like a good service. I really prefer the personalized more casual ones that let you feel your feelings together.

I had a lot of people last night say that to me.  I normally hate visitations and funeral stuff it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.  This was a gathering of people who knew my mom, know me, know dad, know Bob and came out to love and support us.  We could actually take the time to talk and visit without being interrupted by a lot of ceremony.

I feel like the word enjoy is the wrong word to use but I did enjoy it a lot more.  It gave me a lot more comfort than the $5k+ formal trappings ever have.

I got a lot of thank you notes to write.  I told my dad, but he'll probably forget so I'll have to run over there before we leave, he needs to give me the names of everyone who left cards.   Then I need to write thank you notes to all the church ladies.  I know I don't HAVE to, but it's drummed into me and I'll have three ghosts in my house now if I don't. 

There is a paper goods store in Boulder I want to hit, I am hoping they have some really pretty ones.

I think my mom would have been amused by the cupcake turf battle going on.

The service sounds absolutely perfect - a gathering of people who know, love and support all of you.  I think your mother would be incredibly proud of you.

I love your words about the Great Cupcake War 

[Deleted]

giramomma Thank you for sharing your journey with us. I'm neverendingly amazed at your strength and wisdom.

[countrygirl2]

Got hot, back hurting already. Have a pan of cut corn to pack and another dozen to go in the boiling water kettle. Have 8-2 cup packages done. Maybe another hour or two at the most.

It's still good tasting corn.

[TheOtherMe]

Sister sent a text last night that the lovely woman who lived next door to my parents in the senior facility had died.  There is a huge Catholic/non-Catholic divide in that town and people who are not Catholic get left out of a lot of things.  Mary Ellen never did that to my parents.  She was kind, sweet and did a lot of comforting when mom was sick and as dad was failing.  

Food was her way of showing comfort and the brought them a lot of home made desserts as she loved to bake.  


I will never forget her telling us that dad was going to have a hard time coping because women of their generation did all of the indoor things and men didn't know how to do them and were not interested in learning.

Even though I hadn't seen her in over 3 years, I know she and her smile will be missed.

[raeoflyte]

Finally heard from dh. Bear was still around this morning. Not interested in camp site but he had to search for the bear vault. It was stuck in a ditch at the bottom of the hill - definitely not where dh left it.

[giramomma]

Aug 11, 2022 11:15:37 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Finally heard from dh. Bear was still around this morning. Not interested in camp site but he had to search for the bear vault. It was stuck in a ditch at the bottom of the hill - definitely not where dh left it.

[raeoflyte]

And just got this: Just noticed the Nalgene bottle I left out with the BV has teeth marks in it 😨

Now that I know he isn't maimed or dead, I hope he got a picture.

Eta - Nalgene only carry water which is why it could be left out of bear vault.

[susana1954]

We discovered my uncle's ashes in a bowling bag on a shelf in the closet when my aunt died.  It isn't as stupid as it sounds.  He was in an urn.  She wanted them to be buried together at Augusta, but she lived in Florida.  We honored her wishes.

[Artemis Windsong]

Aug 11, 2022 8:16:35 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Dh's last message to me was - saw a bear in camp too close for comfort. Then listed out all his precautions and he's a responsible camper/hiker and an overthinker. A bear is very unlikely to be interested in his campsite, and dh has deterrents as well. So I'm sure he's fine, but he hasn't responded since. Insert angry face. If roles were reversed he would have sent the park rangers in by now.

My first thought was is your H. crazy?  Then. . . .

My H's and my bear story.  We were in a mountain camp site in WY.  There was bear scat about 100 yds. from our camper.  Most campers had dogs but we didn't.  Some campsites had electric fence. The next morning H. got up before sunup.  He could hear a clink, clink, clink.  Both of us were scared thinking the bear was licking the barbecue we forgot to bring in.  He waited until the sun was full before looking out.  What was found is a mouse that fell into the sink where the coffee pot was sitting.  The mouse was grabbing the thin handle trying to get out.  The critter did get away.  Thankfully, it totally vacated before we returned home.

[raeoflyte]

Aug 11, 2022 12:17:30 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

Aug 11, 2022 8:16:35 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Dh's last message to me was - saw a bear in camp too close for comfort. Then listed out all his precautions and he's a responsible camper/hiker and an overthinker. A bear is very unlikely to be interested in his campsite, and dh has deterrents as well. So I'm sure he's fine, but he hasn't responded since. Insert angry face. If roles were reversed he would have sent the park rangers in by now.

My first thought was is your H. crazy?  Then. . . .

My H's and my bear story.  We were in a mountain camp site in WY.  There was bear scat about 100 yds. from our camper.  Most campers had dogs but we didn't.  Some campsites had electric fence. The next morning H. got up before sunup.  He could hear a clink, clink, clink.  Both of us were scared thinking the bear was licking the barbecue we forgot to bring in.  He waited until the sun was full before looking out.  What was found is a mouse that fell into the sink where the coffee pot was sitting.  The mouse was grabbing the thin handle trying to get out.  The critter did get away.  Thankfully, it totally vacated before we returned home.

Why crazy? Bears are just a reality in the mountains.

[countrygirl2]

I'm pooped and done~ 27 2 cup bags of corn and a partial. I have 2 cookie sheets with them laid out in one freezer and a bunch in the freezer of the little fridge in the garage. I turned it up all the way. Once frozen I will put them in a big plastic bag, that way I can find them. Never did it in bags before, think I like it better.

Now, I just need to clean the kitchen, not bad. 4 pans, take out a trash can of cobs, and the cooler, then vac in there. Of course, wipe off countertops.

DD and I are getting blood work done in the morning. I will pick up breakfast on the way. Then we will go to the city and pick out countertops and a sink. Hubs said he tore all that out today.

Right now, I quit, and am sitting down with my feet up. Going to take a break before I do clean up in there.  Then I think only about 4 hours till cooking dinner, sigh.

I want to pick some of my orange tomatoes and some cukes. I'm sure I have them as I haven't been out there for several days. Next year we may have 2 tomato plants, 2 cuke plants and 2 bell peppers. If I want to can I know a place where I can now buy cases of less than perfect tomatoes and other items. It's just too confining to have a garden and the heat and humidity are getting to me. 

The weather out this week is nice though, in high 70's and 80's, humidity down some today.

Need to run to town and get meds and some sodas But have to get a second wind first.

[weltschmerz]

Aug 11, 2022 8:16:35 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Dh's last message to me was - saw a bear in camp too close for comfort. Then listed out all his precautions and he's a responsible camper/hiker and an overthinker. A bear is very unlikely to be interested in his campsite, and dh has deterrents as well. So I'm sure he's fine, but he hasn't responded since. Insert angry face. If roles were reversed he would have sent the park rangers in by now.

What kind of bear? It makes a difference.  Black bears are usually harmless to humans.  Check this out.  He's 2 inches away from her.

www.usatoday.com/videos/news/have-you-seen/2022/08/02/black-bear-startles-woman-waiting-bus-british-columbia/10219291002/

[Deleted]

Aug 11, 2022 7:36:29 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Aug 10, 2022 17:07:18 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

When I came outside and let the umbrella up, there was a big cicada on the underside. Sigh.

Me being me, I grabbed all my stuff and ran inside. 

I got some bug spray hoping it would convince him to leave, but it was on the part of the umbrella closest to the sliding door, and the spray wouldn’t reach. I was trying to spray it from inside the house, with the door open just enough for me to do it, but I needed another hand to close the door if he flew toward it.

So I went and knocked on YD’s door and told her I needed her to help me with something. She said okay and started walking behind me. I said “you didn’t even ask what it was”, she said well what is it. Secretly I thought it was sweet that she agreed without asking.

I explained the situation and told her I just needed her to close the door if it flew that way, so it wouldn’t get in the house. So I leaned out the door to get close enough for the spray to hit it, it flew off, toward the other end of the door, I jumped back in the house, and YD slammed the door shut. Then it flew off, away from the house. I told YD THANK YOU SO MUCH!

She probably thinks I’m a nut because she keeps “saving” me from critters around here. She just doesn’t know, she’s my new best friend and I owe her for saving my life lol.

Read this post and immediately thought of the image below.  @pinkcshmere are you the author of the Dear Mr. Postman note? 

I don’t see an image

[Deleted]

Aug 11, 2022 11:23:07 GMT -5 susana1954 said:

We discovered my uncle's ashes in a bowling bag on a shelf in the closet when my aunt died.  It isn't as stupid as it sounds.  He was in an urn.  She wanted them to be buried together at Augusta, but she lived in Florida.  We honored her wishes.

And this is why you never donate anything from a house without opening it.  Imagine if someone had just dropped off the bowling bag at Goodwill 

[minnesotapaintlady]

Aug 11, 2022 12:36:47 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Aug 11, 2022 8:16:35 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Dh's last message to me was - saw a bear in camp too close for comfort. Then listed out all his precautions and he's a responsible camper/hiker and an overthinker. A bear is very unlikely to be interested in his campsite, and dh has deterrents as well. So I'm sure he's fine, but he hasn't responded since. Insert angry face. If roles were reversed he would have sent the park rangers in by now.

What kind of bear? It makes a difference.  Black bears are usually harmless to humans.  Check this out.  He's 2 inches away from her.

www.usatoday.com/videos/news/have-you-seen/2022/08/02/black-bear-startles-woman-waiting-bus-british-columbia/10219291002/

My cousin outside of Duluth gets black bears in his yard all the time.  This pic is a screenshot from a video of his youngest saying hi to the "puppy" on the deck.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Peeling myself off of the ceiling.

We leave at the end of the month for TD's dive trip to Fiji, which was booked back in May of 2020.  This is the 4th time it was booked and we ARE going!  So today I go online to message the resort to find out how we get from the airport to the dock to catch the speedboat out to the resort.  In the Maldives it's easy, the speedboats are all lined up across the street from the airport.  

I go into our booking reservation to get info off of it and see that our booking reservation has the wrong dates on it.  We switched the dates last winter when I booked flights because flying 2 days earlier saved us a big chunk of change on flights.  I KNEW I had contacted the resort to see if we could adjust our dates.  Dates adjusted, confirmation sent - but it was sent with the incorrect dates.  Then, I go looking at our flight reservation only to see that we leave and arrive in Fiji (according to the itinerary) on Aug. 30.  We leave SFO at 11 pm, arrive in Fiji at 5 am - 2 days later as we cross the international date line, so we arrive 9/1.  My brain apparently has not had enough coffee to process things like international date lines.  Or maybe it's lack of sleep.

I call PADI about the reservations.  Yes, they have booked the corrected dates, but goofed and sent us the wrong ones.  And yes, we do arrive on 9/1, the itinerary is wrong.  The rep I spoke to at PADI is going to contact the dive resort to find out if there is a shuttle to the dock or if we're going to have to snag a taxi.  Stupid details.....so many details.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Dentist again today.  UGH!  They're finishing up my root canal and making the impression of my permanent crown.  I have another few hours before I get to take my mega dose of antibiotics.

[Deleted]

Aug 11, 2022 12:44:32 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Aug 11, 2022 12:36:47 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

What kind of bear? It makes a difference.  Black bears are usually harmless to humans.  Check this out.  He's 2 inches away from her.

www.usatoday.com/videos/news/have-you-seen/2022/08/02/black-bear-startles-woman-waiting-bus-british-columbia/10219291002/

My cousin outside of Duluth gets black bears in his yard all the time.  This pic is a screenshot from a video of his youngest saying hi to the "puppy" on the deck.

I am absolutely, totally, irrationally terrified of bears.  I don't flinch at a snake or insect or spider, but I won't even look at bears at the zoo.  

[Deleted]

DS called me this morning while he was on break. He’s doing orientation at his new job today and he was telling me about his benefits. He gets holidays off and PTO, and has 4 days to take before the end of this year. 2 of those days can roll over to next year. He said he was told the health insurance is $11. I said REALLY?! He sounded worried and asked if that was bad lol. I said if it’s decent insurance, it’s GREAT. This is his first job with health insurance benefits. And they have a 401k. He said I’m going to have to teach him about that. It will be my pleasure.

Overall, it sounds like a decent job. Much better than the one he got when he first came here, which had no benefits and he was working 10hours/6 days/week, until infinity, with no PTO. He actually quit that one about a month ago. He tried to stay until he found something else, but he ended up just resigning. There was only one other Black person working there and DS had been saying the managers and owners were racist and several times he overheard homophobic remarks about him, when they didn’t realize he could hear them. He pretty much doesn’t care what people think about him, but that’s a bit much to deal with on a job.

I apologize in advance to anyone who lives in Mississippi, but I do not have a favorable opinion of that state. That’s where this job was. I was not surprised about the racism and homophobia. It was a small independently owned business, so no HR or anything to talk to about it. So he quit. I didn’t fuss about it, because I wouldn’t have lasted long in an environment like that myself. It all worked out in his favor anyway, because he wasn’t out of work for a really long time, and now he has a much better job that pays more and has benefits.

One other good thing about this new job is they have locations in other parts of the country. Him coming home was just to regroup, after he got fired for not coming to work when he had COVID and was really sick. So if this job works out, maybe at some point he’ll be able to relocate and work for them somewhere else.

[raeoflyte]

Aug 11, 2022 12:36:47 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Aug 11, 2022 8:16:35 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Dh's last message to me was - saw a bear in camp too close for comfort. Then listed out all his precautions and he's a responsible camper/hiker and an overthinker. A bear is very unlikely to be interested in his campsite, and dh has deterrents as well. So I'm sure he's fine, but he hasn't responded since. Insert angry face. If roles were reversed he would have sent the park rangers in by now.

What kind of bear? It makes a difference.  Black bears are usually harmless to humans.  Check this out.  He's 2 inches away from her.

www.usatoday.com/videos/news/have-you-seen/2022/08/02/black-bear-startles-woman-waiting-bus-british-columbia/10219291002/

Black bear. I've never heard of a grizzly being this far south as an adult although it's possible.