what are you doing right now?

[andi9899]

Dec 15, 2024 21:29:48 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Dec 15, 2024 21:05:36 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

NOW can I jump out of the bushes and kick some ass?

YESSSS! 

I think you are even smaller than me, and even though you are a fighter, he is too, and he is much bigger than you,  so feel free to bring drama’s 2x4 with you to give you an advantage with your first swing at him when you pop out of the bushes on him. 

My first swing would be to the downstairs. That usually drops large men like a rock. I'm small, but I also fight dirty. I've fought more than one man in my lifetime. Plus, I workout regularly.

[andi9899]

So work gives us "grants" for company stock. They "balance" it every 3 years. You can either take cash or buy stock. The minimum buy in is $10K. I didn't have enough this time around since I haven't been there for 3 years yet, so I took the cash. I could have made up the rest of the the $10K in my own money to buy in, but I just bought a house, so I want to save as much cash as possible.

I thought I would only be able to keep $4K of the cash, turns out I'm going to be able to keep about $6K since they didn't tax all of it. I decided that I'm buying my patio table early then. It's on sale for $150, so I don’t really feel bad about it since the rest is going into my foundation savings fund. I don’t know how much the foundation work is going to cost me, but at least I get a decent cash infusion to pay for it. In 3 years my car should be paid off, so I'll do the buy in when the opportunity comes around again.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 15, 2024 22:03:34 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Dec 15, 2024 21:29:48 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

YESSSS! 

I think you are even smaller than me, and even though you are a fighter, he is too, and he is much bigger than you,  so feel free to bring drama’s 2x4 with you to give you an advantage with your first swing at him when you pop out of the bushes on him. 

My first swing would be to the downstairs. That usually drops large men like a rock. I'm small, but I also fight dirty. I've fought more than one man in my lifetime. Plus, I workout regularly.

Of course I am really joking about you beating him up. 

Unfortunately for him, I can wreck his life and make him suffer in ways that a beating and bruises from an anonymous person to him can’t compare to. 

Even though a woman even smaller than me beating him up on my behalf might give me a moment of satisfaction lol.

[Pink Cashmere]

Dec 15, 2024 21:22:55 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Dec 15, 2024 19:50:08 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

You do recall correctly. Which is just one of the reasons I’ve been in such a rage. I did not ask for any of this. It took some time for me to even wrap my mind around what he said he wanted from the time he first started saying he wanted a real relationship and as it progressed. I thought my reservations were just because I’d been good with being single for so long and was good with it, to the point that I felt like I might not even know how to act in a relationship. In hindsight, maybe that was really my gut telling me that I was making mistakes. Because I did know how to be a good partner after all, once I committed to it, even after all the years I’d been single. 

I told him about an hour ago, that he had in the palm of his hand, what many good men wish they had, but he didn’t know what to do with it. I know that even though I’m not perfect and do have flaws, I AM the prize because of who I am and what I have to offer somebody as a partner. 

The choices he has made, including his lack of courage, have nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him. I take responsibility for things I could’ve and should’ve done better, or just differently, but all the shit he chose to do or not do, is squarely on him, and not on me. I have called him a coward more than once this week, and I don’t feel bad about it because it’s true. I was and still am E enough to go to counseling to try to figure out my shit and try to be the best me that I can…..  he has never been brave enough to do that and stick with it, or do any of the really hard things that required him to dig deep when it was necessary, even though he clearly has some serious issues that even I did not realize were so deep until recently.

I wish I could’ve seen him so clearly before I got myself into this mess, but I also understand why I couldn’t. 

Once I was in the angry phase after dhs relapse, I told him the same thing that I was the prize and he was a damn fool.

All of the really shitty stuff I had to deal with in my life I never asked for. 

After i.was diagnosed, I found an Abe Lincoln quote" I walk slowly, i never walked backwards" 

I found that to be.comforting.

Earlier, I typed a long reply to this, that I ended up deleting instead of posting. At least I think I deleted it, because I’m so crazy right now that I can’t even remember simple things. 

Anyway, if I haven’t already said it, another reason I am so angry is that this shit with Mister, is causing me to have yet more battles with myself to not regress and be the vindictive, vengeful person I use to be, that I did real work to not be anymore. 

I am okay with  having to deal with the natural order of things, and repercussions and consequences of what we do. But if I’m the one that makes him have to deal with those repercussions and consequences beyond what he’s done to me, it does kind of feel to me like it would be vindictive. I am holding back, because I am confused because I have done a lot of work to try to conquer my vengeful nature. 

So my point is that I feel like I AM walking backwards, because this shit has me pondering things that wouldn't even be a thought if Mister hadn’t played with me the way that he has. I think it’s  a video game where it’s said “FINISH HIM”. And I keep hearing that in my mind, even though that’s not what I really want to do to Mister. But I can, and I’m not so evolved yet that I won’t.

I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore, I really don’t, so it’s all very confusing to me. 

[Pink Cashmere]

I really kind of see things now, as tallguy described. Just let me do my “job” within the household, until I can resign from the position and move on to something else.

[tallguy]

Dec 15, 2024 23:23:20 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Dec 15, 2024 21:22:55 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Once I was in the angry phase after dhs relapse, I told him the same thing that I was the prize and he was a damn fool.

All of the really shitty stuff I had to deal with in my life I never asked for. 

After i.was diagnosed, I found an Abe Lincoln quote" I walk slowly, i never walked backwards" 

I found that to be.comforting.

Earlier, I typed a long reply to this, that I ended up deleting instead of posting. At least I think I deleted it, because I’m so crazy right now that I can’t even remember simple things. 

Anyway, if I haven’t already said it, another reason I am so angry is that this shit with Mister, is causing me to have yet more battles with myself to not regress and be the vindictive, vengeful person I use to be, that I did real work to not be anymore. 

I am okay with  having to deal with the natural order of things, and repercussions and consequences of what we do. But if I’m the one that makes him have to deal with those repercussions and consequences beyond what he’s done to me, it does kind of feel to me like it would be vindictive. I am holding back, because I am confused because I have done a lot of work to try to conquer my vengeful nature. 

So my point is that I feel like I AM walking backwards, because this shit has me pondering things that wouldn't even be a thought if Mister hadn’t played with me the way that he has. I think it’s  a video game where it’s said “FINISH HIM”. And I keep hearing that in my mind, even though that’s not what I really want to do to Mister. But I can, and I’m not so evolved yet that I won’t.

I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore, I really don’t, so it’s all very confusing to me. 

I try to always be very conscious of the idea that just because something may be easy for one person, it is not necessarily easy for someone else.  That does not mean that they can't do something, but they may have to do it another way, or it may require more of them.  With that being said, you CAN do this.  The easy way is to remember that it is a choice, and that you have the power to not only know what is ultimately best for you, but to put it into effect.  You CAN continue to be the person you want to be.  Whether to try and avenge any wrongs done to you...is a choice.  Whether to rise above those wrongs...is a choice.  Neither of those are forced on you, but they are both available to you.  I know what it sounds like to me, but the only person who can really know who you want to be, and what kind of person you can ultimately be proud of being, is you.  So make that choice.  Make sure you are safe first.  Then make that choice.

[countrygirl3]

I quit trying to get even long ago.  I have found that karma will take care of it. Maybe not today, or not tomorrow, but it will happen. I've also read that the things we let eat us up, others don't even think about.

Pink, take care of yourself and move on, it will work out for you and leave you the better person.

By the way, are the dogs both Misters or is one of them yours?

Just remember karma is a bitch. And with those 2 daughters and his son, he will have his hands full.

[NastyWoman]

Dec 15, 2024 16:41:34 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Except for three large glass baubles that I cannot figure out how to hang and 20 plastic candy canes I need to stick in the ground, the Christmas decorations—indoor and outdoor—are up. We have agreed that we need to start the yard prior to Thanksgiving next year. It’s just such a lot of hours, and I don’t like helping when it’s raining. 😬🫠
FB has reminded me that we’ve had a few years we’ve not finished up until this late in the month, so that made me feel a bit better.

DS#2 and his GF dropped by for their normal Sunday visit.

I have more chores to do this afternoon.
I need to get presents wrapped too.

Yea, TG being on the 28th messed up a lot of scheduling. Beware it is on the 27th next year so it won't be any better.

[finnime]

Good morning, thoughtful invisipeeps, pondering current and future actions and better selves. Welcome to Monday. I hope your day proves sweeter than you expect and that all the packages en route to you find their way. I hope no one pees in your pancakes, but that there are pancakes, pee-free.

We're with you, Pink. We all wish this were not the way it is, but stand with you as you decide next steps.

Today is warmer than the 19 degrees it was yesterday; it's 36 now.

Yesterday we decorated the tree, drinking egg nog except for me--I don't care for it. Today, I'll write and mail cards, and wrap presents. I'll do cookie baking later in the week. Need to buy some ingredients first for some of them, like pistachios and dried cherries for the spumoni cookies that are DH's favorite. I could start with bird's nest or other cookies, but I'll wait.

The sun rose in the hard cold yesterday again accompanied by tiny dinosaurs:

[giramomma]

So I procrastinated with getting my hair dyed.

It is B-A-D now. And of course there are no appointments. My roots, people.

I could try a box at home again. Last time I did, I got stripes, which is why I started going to the salon.

<sigh>

First world problems. 

[Cookies Galore]

Good morning! Three work days left for the year, though I am taking a few hours of PTO mid-day tomorrow to help our PD shop for their toy drive. I will have nine hours of PTO going to waste (sent to my extended leave bank) so I'm considering logging off Wednesday once I'm done everything I need to do.

We got our pictures with Krampus yesterday and turned that into a really quick holiday card I posted on socials.

Pink, I am so sorry for the ending of your relationship but I am proud of you getting stuff out that needed to be said, no matter how ugly it may be. You are a resilient woman and you will be in a much better place once all is settled. We're always here for you.