what are you doing right now?

[raeoflyte]

Nov 19, 2024 19:19:08 GMT -5 azucena said:

WE GET TO KEEP TEEN!!!!!!!!

That is great news. Thank you for sharing.

[ners]

Nov 19, 2024 19:19:08 GMT -5 azucena said:

WE GET TO KEEP TEEN!!!!!!!!

Great news.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 19, 2024 19:19:08 GMT -5 azucena said:

WE GET TO KEEP TEEN!!!!!!!!

YAYYYYY!

I have been seriously waiting all day, and checking in more regularly than I have been lately, hoping you would tell us what happened today. 

I am SO, SO happy that she gets to continue living with you and your family!!! 

[NastyWoman]

Nov 19, 2024 19:22:25 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 19, 2024 19:14:00 GMT -5 giramomma said:

i anticipate we'll spend exactly 0 holidays with the kids on the
exact holidays.


i am ok with that. it is the consequence of having so many kids

You say “so many kids”, I work with a lady now, who has SEVEN children. She and her children’s father have been together since she was 16yo. 

I am very curious about what daily life must be like for her with 7 children, but I don’t ask, because I don’t know her well enough or her me, for her to understand that my curiosity is just that, and not judgement. 

I'm one of seven. We still all get together whenever we can. In this case I am the spoke in the wheels preventing this from doing this often enough. However, living about 6000 miles away has been deemed an acceptable reason.  I am still jealous when the others celebrate holidays and birthdays without me 

[azucena]

Long post incoming....mtg was 3 hours long. I'm EXHAUSTED.

Got to the mtg and TFW was there. I had no idea she'd be included since ya know she's not supposed to be within 500 feet of her kids while the child abuse charges are in place. She was flanked by an Aunt that Teen says is also bad news. 

Told Teen in the parking lot that her dad would be there but didn't mention that I invited him. She walked in and greeted him and Aunt made a scene out of attempting to get Teen to say hi to TFW. Teen has iced TFW out since she went after little sister and I'm here for it. DH and I introduced ourselves to bio dad and he expressed thanks again. He seemed surprised that TFW was there too, and I made a side comment to make it clear that I made sure he was included and she didn't bother.

Meanwhile TFW went scurrying to security and tried to get them to throw me and DH out of the building saying we were invited. Security got social worker and social worker said they're included because they've been providing care for Teen. TFW was seeing red which gave Teen strength.

Teen told me to keep quiet as we walked to the mtg and I said I'll stay classy but can't be quiet when it's not in your best interest.

Went into a room with mediator, yet another new social worker, and her supervisor. Mediator starts roll call and introductions and they can't figure out why/how bio dad is there. Eff'n hilarious. Meanwhile the younger siblings dads did not attend so they decided to use the mtg for just Teen. Had to put on name tags and list our relationship with Teen. I left that part blank bc I knew it would be drama and DH followed suit. Then we had to do introductions and say our chief concern about Teen. We went last and mediator made us put caregiver on our tags and TFW threw up a fuss. Her chief concern was that Teen wasn't living with her. Aunt said ditto, dad said he wanted to catch up on Teen and get set up for her to live with him. Teen said that ain't happening because I need stability. I said my chief concern was making sure that Teen got a chance to be heard by soc serv privately. TFW scoffed at that and said so she can tell them what you coached her.

[giramomma]

Nov 19, 2024 19:02:50 GMT -5 greenthumb59 said:

Nov 19, 2024 18:10:49 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Uh oh. Are you saying he potentially has some kind of drinking problem?

Yes, my DH is an alcoholic.  He doesn't always think so.  Denial is a strong thing.

i am sorry. my dh was in denial while he was trying to work his first recovery. it's something i have never
been fond of.

he wrote me this letter after he finally accepted that he was an addict. i was like i know. tell me something i don't know.

fortunately that really was one of
the two missing things from recovery v1. so it wasn't like all his effort the first time was for nothing. but ii still have thoughts that i shouldn't have.

[giramomma]

woo hooo az🥳🥳🥳

[azucena]

Then we set ground rules - no interrupting, safe speech, yada yada. 

Supervisor asked Teen to tell how she came to live with us so Teen starts in on how she was depressed and considering suicide bc there was no way to escape her mom's abuse. Aunt and TFW start interrupting and have to be asked to behave. Mediator says Teen is 17 so her voice is most important. TFW interrupts her and says oh great so she can continue to ruin her life by living with those people. Mediator shuts that down hard.

Teen says she'd been spending time with our daughter and our house was a safe space where she was always included. TFW interrupts and says yeah she was over there all the time bc Teen and DD16 were dating. Folks and that's how bio dad found out Teen is gay. For the love. TFW goes on huge rant about how real parents don't let girlfriends sleep over. DH's blood starts boiling but I put my hand on his knee and said keep quiet. Teen raises her hand and supervisor calls on her. Teen says DD16 and I have only ever been friends, best friends at first and now more like siblings and less like friends - that's been a side effect of living there. TFW starts yelling and getting her phone to show instagram post that proves they were dating. Supervisor says I don't care about teen social media. She turns to me and says did they ever date, I said nope. Teen adds, DD16 doesn't swing that way. She currently has a bf, I currently have a gf and these guys were meanies and didn't let her sleep over for my birthday party last week like the rest of my friends. Dad gives me a nod at that.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 19, 2024 19:26:44 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 19, 2024 19:22:25 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

You say “so many kids”, I work with a lady now, who has SEVEN children. She and her children’s father have been together since she was 16yo. 

I am very curious about what daily life must be like for her with 7 children, but I don’t ask, because I don’t know her well enough or her me, for her to understand that my curiosity is just that, and not judgement. 

I'm one of seven. We still all get together whenever we can. In this case I am the spoke in the wheels preventing this from doing this often enough. However, living about 6000 miles away has been deemed an acceptable reason.  I am still jealous when the others celebrate holidays and birthdays without me 

She is young enough that she calls me Ms. Pink and says ma’am and yes ma’am to me. I know from prior posts years ago, that a lot of people would have an issue with that, but where I live, it just means that she was taught to be respectful to her “elders”, even though she is several years older than my oldest child, that I had at a young age lol. So I’m going to eventually tell her that she doesn’t have to do all of that, but I do understand why she does it, and it is just her trying to show respect for me.

Anyway, I am jut really curious about what it’s like having 7 children. Most people don’t have that many children anymore. Which is still not knocking her when I say that. I’ve said here before that I am just curious period, about other people whose lives are different from mine, and how if I had my way and was independently wealthy, I would’ve spent my life traveling the world and just talking to and learning from people whose cultures and lives were different from my own, just because other people’s stories and lives are interesting to me. So my curiosity isn’t me singling her out just because she has 7 children. 

[azucena]

Supervisor asks TFW if she ever gave consent for Teen to hang out at our house before all this custody stuff. TFW says no, they trying to steal my kid. Teen raises her hand and says, um mom you let them host my 16th birthday party and you dropped off the cake. And you were good with them until they helped me report you for abuse. TFW starts sputtering.

Then she goes on long tangent about how everyone is out to get her for disciplining her kids. Cops, social services, schools need to let parents do their job. And she says something vile about lil sis that she said provoked the latest abuse. Teen stood up, took a deep breath and said, let's get this straight there's corporal punishment and there's abuse. We are not here to talk about spanking even if it is wrong and even if someone uses a belt to do this. Spanking is a part of black culture that needs to die. We are here to talk about you punching me and the other kids in the face. TFW goes nut, dad starts crying. Aunt starts defending and Supervisor had to take control. They both keep talking and Supervisor threatens to kick them out. They try to keep defending and Supervisor says move on, this isn't your court case.

She asks Teen is there anyone in your family that you feel comfortable staying with. Teen says no, I never had a safe place or a way out until Az fam offered it. They ask Teen to tell her 'placement' story. TFW says well she started claiming she was going to kill herself and social services had to say I had to let her choose where to live. Aunt says yep, any kid can say abuse or suicide and parents can't defend against that. Soc worker says not many kids claiming either of those falsely. Teen bravely talked about cutting herself and a suicide attempt in 2022 that I didn't know about. She also talked about her inpatient stay. Dad teared up again. TFW interrupts to say well her mental health isn't any better with that woman bc now she has epilepsy. Teen laughed while I held it together. She said I have psychogenic seizures as part of trauma induced PTSD due to the abuse I've endured. She said I bet Az has the paperwork in her binder to prove it. My therapist said I started having seizures now that I'm safe bc my body and mind are trying to process. There's no medicine for it but if I let myself cry sometimes I can circumvent it. And my seizures are currently mostly triggered by contact from my mother.

OOOO snap!

[soupandstew]

azucena  I am beyond happy for today's events.  Happy for all of you.  

[weltz]

One of my BFFs came over the other day to introduce me to her new dog. Sushi and Bella got along like a house on fire. They were lying on the couch together, even though Bella is a big dog. Sushi likes dogs.
Then BFF hands me a cheque.  I had told her I'm having trouble making the rent, because everything costs so much more. I looked at it and it was for $1500.  I tried giving it back and she told me to take a closer look. It was for $15,000. Yes, fifteen thousand.  I told her I couldn't possibly accept it, and she said she's giving  money to everyone close to her. She recently inherited quite a bit, and said she wants her friends to enjoy her windfall. 
I almost fainted. 15 grand is a HUGE help for me. I don't have to worry about my rent going up, up up.

[flamingo]

azucena - I’ve been following your saga and silently cheering you on. Sounds like, while emotional and tiring, today’s events went as well as they could have. I’m so happy you get to keep BT. I’ve been checking in today for an update and I’m so happy it’s such a good one!

[azucena]

She said Az helped me thru them in the hospital when my mom just sat and did nothing. TFW starts a rant about how seizures started when we were out of town and she didn't give permission for us to take Teen out of state. Teen says mom we were in state, it was a family vacation, and I'm part of their family.

Then mediator asks us to take a step back and say positives about Teen. You guys, DH couldn't talk fast enough - kind, respectful, motivated, hard worker, smart, funny. Mediator made him stop and looked around the room for others - no one said a peep. So I started my list - awesome friend, great student, future amazing teacher, college bound, etc. TFW says well she used to be respectful. Dad said I haven't been around enough lately but I appreciate the list from Az and her DH.

Then we're prompted to start listing solutions for Teen. TFW says well first is to take her away from the people who stole her so I can have her back. Mediator says Teen would you want that and Teen says nope. Wanna live with your dad, nope. Dad says what about when I get my own place. Teen says nope, you've let me down too many times. Where do you want to live....with Az+fam.

TFW loses it and says I keep calling the hotline playing games trying to take her kid and how that's discriminatory and how I made the school and all the doctors against her. She goes on and on and on and Teen starts crying. Supervisor asks for my side and I said I only ever called the hotline when Teen needed medical care and TFW wouldn't help bc I had no medical power. TFW starts cursing and saying she's been there for every appt, I kept changing them, blah, blah, blah. Teen says hold up, you missed this appt and that appt, you didn't make the dentist appts I asked you for. Supervisor says ok let's get into tooth. When did it start hurting? Teen says Dec. Did you tell bio mom? yep. did she do anything. nope. TFW well I have 5 kids and a job so I was getting to it. When did you tell Az? Two weeks after I moved in. What happened then? Well, she started moving heaven and earth to find me an appt and she hasn't stopped since.

Whole long dental rant of lies from TFW. Teen finally said, look at the hotline reports. Well TFW let loose then and said yeah bc that woman likes to try to get me in trouble. Whole long rant of lies incl me brainwashing Teen as part of master plan. And how the school likes me because I'm white and rich and they shouldn't be allowed to talk to me at all bc she never gave permission. Teen says hold up, I told Az not to hotline you and she insisted that I needed medical care that you weren't helping with. Teen said I got mad and yelled at her every time she told me after the fact but then I'd get my hopes up that someone would finally help me only to be let down by the social workers who showed up.

Aunt goes on long rant about how I abused the system.

Supervisor says we'll go back and read those case files. Move on. Teen requests private mtg with her in the hall.

Mediator says we have to find a solution. I turn to bio dad and said are you willing to continue to help with medical consent. He says yes but I don't feel comfortable with her staying with you bc I don't know you at all. Appreciate our texting and how open you've been. Can you continue to keep me involved with my daughter. DH and I say yes in unison. I said but we'll follow her lead. Meanwhile TFW is foaming at the mouth bc she's realizing he's not fully her ally. She starts to rant and he says listen here. I called you every month from prison and you never once said you'd lost custody of our daughter or that she was having mental health issues or that she started having seizures. Teen only told me two weeks ago when it became clear that I was really getting out. Meanwhile Az reached out this weekend, introduced herself, offered to be an open book, and then plugged me in when Teen needed ER. TFW stammered about how unfair it was that I "went around" her.

Mediator asks why dad was never involved in medical decisions. He says no one ever contacted him. I told him, I've asked every social worker I've been in contact with to get in touch with you to see if you'd help Teen.

Mediator asks if I want guardianship. I said, no, I've never asked for that. In fact, it's not in Teen's best interest for me to have it if my income counts against her for college aid. TFW says here we go, you're rich and can buy people. Dad says hush. I said we only need medical support and consent. Aunt chimes in and says well you can call Medicaid number on back of ins card to ask about dentists. I said ok, but Teen has never been given her ins card even though she asked. Aunt says well google it. Supervisor says wouldn't a mom want to provide that though.

Dad says what's the next step for tooth. I said I made more calls today and have a couple of small leads and can also try Medicaid number. Soc worker says I'll help. I said I also got info on cash pay. TFW says here we go again with money. Dad says I'll chip in whatever it takes.

[Pink Cashmere]

I have to stop here and say that I was just walking to the other end of the house and Mister and YD were in the entryway, smelling the wallflower scents that he’d ordered from Bath and Bodyworks that were delivered today.

He came behind me saying “smell this”, and I said “okay, wait a minute”. When I was walking back to the other end of the house, he was back in the entry way, and I guess because I didn’t jump and comply when he wanted me to smell whatever wallflower fragrance he wanted me to smell, he made the mistake of asking me in a joking kind of way “What u doing? What are you up to”. And I said “I’m cleaning this nasty ass bathroom, that’s what I’m doing”, as I kept walking, and pointed toward the guest bathroom so he’d know which one I was talking about. 

Which was true, when I was walking to the other end of the house, it was to get some cleaner from our bathroom, since I couldn’t find any where it should’ve been, in the laundry room cabinets ad/or under the kitchen sink. I’d already cleaned the nasty ass toilet bowl with the wand and disposable whatchamathings that go on the end of the wand, but I needed something to clean the sink and the rest of the toilet. 

So yeah, buy shit to try to make our house smell better, instead of dealing with why it stinks…. because it’s nasty and we have 2 dogs that don’t get bathed regularly and one constantly pukes everywhere. 

I’d decided a couple days ago that I was going to try to refrain from fussing so much here about that kind of shit, but I couldn’t help myself after that happened. Because WTF.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 19, 2024 19:19:08 GMT -5 azucena said:

WE GET TO KEEP TEEN!!!!!!!!

            

I have been on pins and needles about this.  I was taking a class and a cousin called.  

I am so relieved for BT and you.  

[azucena]

I said send me your email and I'll send you info. He says text me and I say it's a lot so I'll email bc I want you to have all her doctor info. Mediator asks dad can you get that info from your wife. Long pause and TFW can't admit that she doesn't know that info. LMAO. But she's been helpful with all things medical of course.

I ask dad what else do you need from us to help you get comfortable. Teen comes back into room. He seems unsure. I say we're willing to do background checks. Supervisor says haven't we already done that. I said nope. We've offered soc workers but they haven't bothered. TFW says see you haven't done your job these people could be monsters and they have my kid. DH chimes and says I have my work copy for this year bc I'm a teacher and Az just got hers to volunteer at school.

TFW and Aunt erupt and even high five and say see we knew she was in too good at that school and can get them to do illegal things. Teen says um, didn't you get that in place so I could go to theater conf and you could chaperone in case I have seizures. Yep, LMAO. TFW says well I didn't give permission for that field trip and Supervisor almost rolled her eyes.

Dad says yes, background check would help. I said we can have soc services do another home visit. Supervisor says have they already come. Teen says yes, four times. Dad says mind another one. Nope, not at all.

He asks to come visit and see our place. I said we'll follow Teen's lead on that when she's ready. Teen says let's try dinner out first dad. He says okay. Aunt says you gonna have dinner with your mom. Teen doesn't respond LMAO.

So current plan is that we continue to "supply housing" - TFW insisted mediator write those exact words and only that and bio dad gives medical consent. Home visit yet this week.

[giramomma]

Nov 19, 2024 19:22:25 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 19, 2024 19:14:00 GMT -5 giramomma said:

i anticipate we'll spend exactly 0 holidays with the kids on the
exact holidays.


i am ok with that. it is the consequence of having so many kids

You say “so many kids”, I work with a lady now, who has SEVEN children. She and her children’s father have been together since she was 16yo. 

I am very curious about what daily life must be like for her with 7 children, but I don’t ask, because I don’t know her well enough or her me, for her to understand that my curiosity is just that, and not judgement. 

most folks that we know have one or two kids. we
are the minority with having four at the kids catholic school. less than 10% of the families have more than three kids . even the younger mormon kids thought i was crazy.

i'm sure more of the spending is on needs and less
on wants. which is fine.

it is loud. you are always pulled in 140 directions. even with db working part time we had about 15 minutes total to talk. tonight maybe we'll get another 20.

kids have to grow up fast, meaning take on responsibility easier
than peers.

and if you can do it right there is great joy to be had.

[azucena]

We all signed the plan. TFW added 'I accept but do not agree'.

Then, soc workers said 3 hours have past so we will need to come back tomorrow to plan for the younger kids. TFW and Aunt lost their shit over that. Bio dad and us high tailed it out of there. DH got him talking about his job and older bro. Teen ended up talking to grandma (I didn't know she'd been in the car the whole time). Dh left to get back to work. I was able to talk to dad a little more and he asked for help getting to know his daughter. I agreed but said take it slow, she's been thru a lot and needs to slowly build trust with anyone in her life. Would have talked to him longer but wrapped up bc I didn't want to get caught by TFW with him in the parking lot. He's already texted me a thank you note.

In the car on the way home, I told Teen how proud I was of her for standing up for herself. She asked if she disrespected her mom at all. I said it's not disrespectful to speak your truth. She gave me a high five for keeping DH quiet and said I did good myself.

She shared that she asked Supervisor outside the room for permission for beach trip. Smart kid. Supervisor gave permission. I'll try to get that in writing during home visit and then will prob tell bio dad in the interest of continuing our trust.

She's convinced dad will flake. I said you hold your guard bc that's healthy. Let me give him the benefit of the doubt and consider therapy with him eventually.

She wanted to be dropped off at gf's house. I said let's go eat at home first. She started fake pouting and said I just told those people that you provide everything I need. Darn kid got Culver's. I'm a sucker.

[MJ2.0]

Nov 19, 2024 19:06:59 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 19, 2024 16:37:47 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I'm so behind - what's your son doing? I can't believe how old everyone's babies are now!

He will be 21 in less than 6 months. he's a mechanic working full time. he also just moved out with a 3 month emergency fund☺️


he landed ok. my second kid is a junior so we are looking at 4 year colleges. the peanut is marching towards 13 and the missy will be 7 in less than a month


seven.

I can't believe Peanut and DS are the same age! Time is just flying by!!!

[azucena]

Appreciate all the support from my imaginary friends and the safe space to vent.

Finished an adult beverage as I was typing all the out. Both helped process. Teen and I both have therapy tomorrow lol.

Going to be a complete loser and go to bed at 7:30. Adrenaline is wearing off quickly. DD16 is on standby to go get Teen from gf's house by 9.

[MJ2.0]

azucena it's amazing how allergic some people are to accepting responsibility for their actions. I'm really glad BT gets to stay with you. 

[MJ2.0]

Nov 19, 2024 19:14:00 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 19, 2024 16:33:36 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Re: Thanksgiving.... 


Sigh.

DH's mom has had some medical issues so we don't want her traveling much (never mind that she is a workaholic who went back to work 2 weeks [physical work] after a major surgery. Then she had a fall several days ago and was told AGAIN by the doctor to SLOW THE HELL DOWN). My mom is also no longer local, but she doesn't live close to DH's mom. Also DH is trying to figure out how to not have his mom invite his sister (snotty and rude, also trying to force a weird vibe with DS which has me on alert), but he knows his mom won't want to celebrate without her. So it's looking like we'll be celebrating T-Day separately with our respective mothers so he can minimize my family's dealings with his sis.

My aunts are semi-disabled (it irritates me bc it's completely self-inflicted, and my mom wants to celebrate with them. She lives on the 2nd floor now and they have never visited her for that reason. So she can't host. They talked about wanting to eat out - sure, that's fine.... but they never made any reservations! I started calling places, and HUGE SURPRISE - many places are all booked up. Why is this a problem with 3 grown women older than me?!?!?!?!?! My aunts always drag their feet and never EVER commit to plans or help to do any legwork. It's always left up to my mom or someone else. It drives me bananas. 

i anticipate we'll spend exactly 0 holidays with the kids on the
exact holidays.


i am ok with that. it is the consequence of having so many kids

DH and I's first Thanksgiving (before we married) was at his place with my and his mom (DS was with dad for dinner that year). It was great. Last year we hosted our moms and DH's sister. That arrangement would have been fine again, except for the reasons I outlined in the first paragraph. I'm not cool with someone badmouthing me/our home/our food in a language I can't understand (she is fluent in English so that's not the reason) and/or trying to get my son to be weirdly attracted to her.

[finnime]

Nov 19, 2024 19:22:30 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 19, 2024 19:19:08 GMT -5 azucena said:

WE GET TO KEEP TEEN!!!!!!!!

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 19, 2024 19:44:46 GMT -5 azucena said:

Supervisor asks TFW if she ever gave consent for Teen to hang out at our house before all this custody stuff. TFW says no, they trying to steal my kid. Teen raises her hand and says, um mom you let them host my 16th birthday party and you dropped off the cake. And you were good with them until they helped me report you for abuse. TFW starts sputtering.

Then she goes on long tangent about how everyone is out to get her for disciplining her kids. Cops, social services, schools need to let parents do their job. And she says something vile about lil sis that she said provoked the latest abuse. Teen stood up, took a deep breath and said, let's get this straight there's corporal punishment and there's abuse. We are not here to talk about spanking even if it is wrong and even if someone uses a belt to do this. Spanking is a part of black culture that needs to die. We are here to talk about you punching me and the other kids in the face. TFW goes nut, dad starts crying. Aunt starts defending and Supervisor had to take control. They both keep talking and Supervisor threatens to kick them out. They try to keep defending and Supervisor says move on, this isn't your court case.

She asks Teen is there anyone in your family that you feel comfortable staying with. Teen says no, I never had a safe place or a way out until Az fam offered it. They ask Teen to tell her 'placement' story. TFW says well she started claiming she was going to kill herself and social services had to say I had to let her choose where to live. Aunt says yep, any kid can say abuse or suicide and parents can't defend against that. Soc worker says not many kids claiming either of those falsely. Teen bravely talked about cutting herself and a suicide attempt in 2022 that I didn't know about. She also talked about her inpatient stay. Dad teared up again. TFW interrupts to say well her mental health isn't any better with that woman bc now she has epilepsy. Teen laughed while I held it together. She said I have psychogenic seizures as part of trauma induced PTSD due to the abuse I've endured. She said I bet Az has the paperwork in her binder to prove it. My therapist said I started having seizures now that I'm safe bc my body and mind are trying to process. There's no medicine for it but if I let myself cry sometimes I can circumvent it. And my seizures are currently mostly triggered by contact from my mother.

OOOO snap!

o.m.g. What a bunch of shit. But I am SO proud of Teen for standing up for herself and telling shit like it was/is. She has more courage than many people twice her age or more has. And I truly believe that her knowing you have her back, helped her be able to do that.

Please hug her, your DD who has been a good friend to her, and the rest of your family that have embraced her, on my behalf. And please wrap your arms around yourself too, to show yourself some love, and maybe consider that I’m hugging you too, and would IRL if I could.

[finnime]

I am so very glad for you and BT and everyone else in your family, too, azucena. Finally, you have some ground to walk on.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 19, 2024 20:05:50 GMT -5 azucena said:

She said Az helped me thru them in the hospital when my mom just sat and did nothing. TFW starts a rant about how seizures started when we were out of town and she didn't give permission for us to take Teen out of state. Teen says mom we were in state, it was a family vacation, and I'm part of their family.

Then mediator asks us to take a step back and say positives about Teen. You guys, DH couldn't talk fast enough - kind, respectful, motivated, hard worker, smart, funny. Mediator made him stop and looked around the room for others - no one said a peep. So I started my list - awesome friend, great student, future amazing teacher, college bound, etc. TFW says well she used to be respectful. Dad said I haven't been around enough lately but I appreciate the list from Az and her DH.

Then we're prompted to start listing solutions for Teen. TFW says well first is to take her away from the people who stole her so I can have her back. Mediator says Teen would you want that and Teen says nope. Wanna live with your dad, nope. Dad says what about when I get my own place. Teen says nope, you've let me down too many times. Where do you want to live....with Az+fam.

TFW loses it and says I keep calling the hotline playing games trying to take her kid and how that's discriminatory and how I made the school and all the doctors against her. She goes on and on and on and Teen starts crying. Supervisor asks for my side and I said I only ever called the hotline when Teen needed medical care and TFW wouldn't help bc I had no medical power. TFW starts cursing and saying she's been there for every appt, I kept changing them, blah, blah, blah. Teen says hold up, you missed this appt and that appt, you didn't make the dentist appts I asked you for. Supervisor says ok let's get into tooth. When did it start hurting? Teen says Dec. Did you tell bio mom? yep. did she do anything. nope. TFW well I have 5 kids and a job so I was getting to it. When did you tell Az? Two weeks after I moved in. What happened then? Well, she started moving heaven and earth to find me an appt and she hasn't stopped since.

Whole long dental rant of lies from TFW. Teen finally said, look at the hotline reports. Well TFW let loose then and said yeah bc that woman likes to try to get me in trouble. Whole long rant of lies incl me brainwashing Teen as part of master plan. And how the school likes me because I'm white and rich and they shouldn't be allowed to talk to me at all bc she never gave permission. Teen says hold up, I told Az not to hotline you and she insisted that I needed medical care that you weren't helping with. Teen said I got mad and yelled at her every time she told me after the fact but then I'd get my hopes up that someone would finally help me only to be let down by the social workers who showed up.

Aunt goes on long rant about how I abused the system.

Supervisor says we'll go back and read those case files. Move on. Teen requests private mtg with her in the hall.

Mediator says we have to find a solution. I turn to bio dad and said are you willing to continue to help with medical consent. He says yes but I don't feel comfortable with her staying with you bc I don't know you at all. Appreciate our texting and how open you've been. Can you continue to keep me involved with my daughter. DH and I say yes in unison. I said but we'll follow her lead. Meanwhile TFW is foaming at the mouth bc she's realizing he's not fully her ally. She starts to rant and he says listen here. I called you every month from prison and you never once said you'd lost custody of our daughter or that she was having mental health issues or that she started having seizures. Teen only told me two weeks ago when it became clear that I was really getting out. Meanwhile Az reached out this weekend, introduced herself, offered to be an open book, and then plugged me in when Teen needed ER. TFW stammered about how unfair it was that I "went around" her.

Mediator asks why dad was never involved in medical decisions. He says no one ever contacted him. I told him, I've asked every social worker I've been in contact with to get in touch with you to see if you'd help Teen.

Mediator asks if I want guardianship. I said, no, I've never asked for that. In fact, it's not in Teen's best interest for me to have it if my income counts against her for college aid. TFW says here we go, you're rich and can buy people. Dad says hush. I said we only need medical support and consent. Aunt chimes in and says well you can call Medicaid number on back of ins card to ask about dentists. I said ok, but Teen has never been given her ins card even though she asked. Aunt says well google it. Supervisor says wouldn't a mom want to provide that though.

Dad says what's the next step for tooth. I said I made more calls today and have a couple of small leads and can also try Medicaid number. Soc worker says I'll help. I said I also got info on cash pay. TFW says here we go again with money. Dad says I'll chip in whatever it takes.

I don’t agree with Dad wanting Teen to come live with him right now and I’m not sure that that’s even still on the table. But I do appreciate him showing up and for her and being an ally, using his rights as her parent to try to help her get the help she needs, even if he isn’t entirely comfortable with her living with you because he doesn’t know you. I understand him being a bit uneasy about that part, but on some level, he also understands that you are just trying to take care of his daughter even though he doesn’t know you, and he is willing to be your ally and help get things done for her IRT her health and trying to protect her from TFW. That says that he does care about Teen, even if his intentions are good and he was/is just misguided in thinking she should come live with him asap. 

Shame on TFW for trying to make it seem like it’s a matter of money and you being white, being the reason she is at a disadvantage regarding what’s best for her daughter. I’ve known plenty of people that didn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of, that didn’t abuse their children. Many of those people often went without eating, because they fed their children what little they could provide to eat, and it may not have been enough left for them to eat after their children were fed. And no matter what they were struggling with as adults and parents, they did not abuse their children in any way, and most definitely didn’t do shit that caused their children to have black eyes or whatever. So imo, being white, black or whatever, and being wealthy or poor, means nothing as far as whether or not a person is fit to be a parent and not abuse their child. Millions of POC have raised their children, even when they are poor, and not abused them.

[azucena]

Thanks Pink.

It was a lot for dad to catch up on after being completely out of the loop since Jan other than 5 mins phone calls every 3 to 4 weeks.

He probably still thinks there is a slim chance Teen will change her mind about living with him once he's settled.

Forgot to mention that he started off his intro in the mtg by outlining his recent criminal charges briefly and saying that meant he was responsible for not doing right by his children. That kind of owning up to it goes a long way in my book. But I don't have the history with him, Teen does. And that's her relationship to own.

[azucena]

Even with dad involved the tooth extraction is still going to get hung up by medicaid. I did get cash pay quote from the supposed hospital referral place today and we could swing it. Going to see if me stopping by there in person to have a face to face conversation helps move the needle.

Also going to try medicaid provider phone number tomorrow.

Need to balance that with the work I absolutely must get done for a client before we leave on Fri around 3.

[azucena]

Just overheard Teen telling DD16 their supposed dating story according to TFW. Forgot the part where TFW said that DD breaking up with Teen led to Teen's suicide threats and inpatient stay. DD promptly quipped, um I'd only ever be the dumpee if I even managed to land you.

We were laughing so hard DH and DD12 came to see if we were okay. Couldn't repeat the story in front of DD12.

Man, laughter is good for the soul.