what are you doing right now?

[lurkyloo]

I hope things work out for the best and she gets to stay with your family.

Unless I’m missing something, worst case is that she has to go back and live with him for less than a year?  That’s far from ideal, but still safer than going back to TFW.  And it’s a win that she has at least one parent that’s more interested in her wellbeing than screwing her over for a power trip.  I would suggest it’s really important to not burn bridges with her dad, given everything you’ve shared, bc if you can maintain a good relationship there you can continue to support her in a lot of ways no matter where she ends up officially living. But I don’t envy you this conversation where you’re trying to keep her with you, without offending her dad.

It’s possible even likely that once the first rush of “out now, going to do all the things” has subsided his intentions will go the way of most New Year’s resolutions.  Hopefully they can negotiate a delayed or gradual transition if you can’t fight it and maybe he’ll lose interest.

Sending all the good vibes your way    I know you know what you’re doing.  I just wish the system didn’t suck so much.

[andi9899]

Nov 19, 2024 11:57:48 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Nov 19, 2024 11:48:45 GMT -5 swamp said:

Or Found On Road Dead. 

My dad always bought Fords.  The last one was the van he bought in 1972, and even brand new it had problems.  Since he bought new and drove his cars to the ground, he managed to keep them on the road a decade (having just over 100k on them) before buying again.  After that Ford debacle, he switched to Nissan and never looked back.

Yep. My old car that T2 drives has 130K+ miles on it and runs like brand new. She did have to replace the control arms recently, but other than that it has been routine maintenance.

[bookkeeper]

Nov 19, 2024 14:55:14 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

azucena         I hope all goes well.


I know nothing about people who have been in prison except what I have seen on tv, but how does he have clients when he just got out of prison?  

He could be working a landscaping business, moving company, cleaning service, lots of things.  If you have a friend with a business that is willing to overlook your past, I could see getting right to work after being released.

If you have a skill that is in demand, it is even more likely an employer would give a felon a chance.

[soupandstew]

Went to Whole Foods and Aldi today for groceries.  I'm trying to get as much as possible for Thanksgiving so I have to spend less time in crowded stores next week.  

[giramomma]

Nov 19, 2024 14:06:26 GMT -5 azucena said:

Trying to ignore that I wanna barf.

Giant hugs 

[MJ2.0]

Nov 19, 2024 0:01:30 GMT -5 azucena said:

Teen's dad wants her back and is working on setting up housing and seems to have a job. He also seems to think that he won't be sentenced to jail time. He's joining CPS mtg tomorrow.

Meanwhile Teen doesn't know his plans. She just had what I'm diagnosing as an absence seizure. She was bickering with me about taking her meds which is typical for her really bad mental health days. Says things like they don't help anyway. And then she was unresponsive but still sitting up. Luckily she was sitting on the floor bc she'd just said she felt off and that's our first cue. Managed to lay her down and clear around her head but she never shook, just sorta passed out.

Now she's asleep and I'm allowing myself to cry quietly while keeping an eye on her. It's gonna be a long night and day and somehow I have to keep work afloat bc key project is due Fri.

Do I dare hope he does go to jail? This is all so messed up and heartbreaking.

If Teen says I want to stay with my new family, will anyone listen and can her dad step back enough to allow it and do what's best for her? I didn't think this could get any more complicated.

She didn't end up wanting to see him last night. I think she's afraid to get her hopes up that she can rely on him. I don't think he's mistreated her, rather he's served at least two prison sentences so has been unavailable for large chunks of her life. I also think she's distrustful since he knew bio mom was abusive and didn't rescue her.

This poor, poor child.

I've been feeling spicy lately. My thought on this is: if BT's dad really loves her and wants what's best for her, he would encourage her to keep living with you and continue providing medical sign-offs. He would realize that he is NOT a good option for her for all the reasons you listed, and it would be super short-sighted and selfish for him to take custody of her.

[giramomma]

Nov 19, 2024 14:05:30 GMT -5 azucena said:

Nov 19, 2024 13:28:49 GMT -5 swamp said:

Is he a thief, or is he a drug addict who steals to support his habit? 

No idea, no drug charges in his record that I can find. Teen has never mentioned drug use, but I've also been very, very careful not to pester her with questions and to just let her share what and when she is ready.

Also can't figure out how he has a job already. He seemed to be gone from 8 to 7 yesterday and mentioned client appointments.

I would assume that there ways to apply for jobs while he is in jail. I think folks are in a world of hurt for entry level and/ or manual labor. 

For a young kid, ds is looking like a rock star long timer on his job. He's been there a year.  All he does is show up on time, follow directions, and not use racial slurs. 

I think a felon could perform those basic things on the job.

[MJ2.0]

Re: Thanksgiving.... 


Sigh.

DH's mom has had some medical issues so we don't want her traveling much (never mind that she is a workaholic who went back to work 2 weeks [physical work] after a major surgery. Then she had a fall several days ago and was told AGAIN by the doctor to SLOW THE HELL DOWN). My mom is also no longer local, but she doesn't live close to DH's mom. Also DH is trying to figure out how to not have his mom invite his sister (snotty and rude, also trying to force a weird vibe with DS which has me on alert), but he knows his mom won't want to celebrate without her. So it's looking like we'll be celebrating T-Day separately with our respective mothers so he can minimize my family's dealings with his sis.

My aunts are semi-disabled (it irritates me bc it's completely self-inflicted, and my mom wants to celebrate with them. She lives on the 2nd floor now and they have never visited her for that reason. So she can't host. They talked about wanting to eat out - sure, that's fine.... but they never made any reservations! I started calling places, and HUGE SURPRISE - many places are all booked up. Why is this a problem with 3 grown women older than me?!?!?!?!?! My aunts always drag their feet and never EVER commit to plans or help to do any legwork. It's always left up to my mom or someone else. It drives me bananas. 

[MJ2.0]

Nov 19, 2024 16:28:25 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 19, 2024 14:05:30 GMT -5 azucena said:

No idea, no drug charges in his record that I can find. Teen has never mentioned drug use, but I've also been very, very careful not to pester her with questions and to just let her share what and when she is ready.

Also can't figure out how he has a job already. He seemed to be gone from 8 to 7 yesterday and mentioned client appointments.

I would assume that there ways to apply for jobs while he is in jail. I think folks are in a world of hurt for entry level and/ or manual labor. 

For a young kid, ds is looking like a rock star long timer on his job. He's been there a year.  All he does is show up on time, follow directions, and not use racial slurs. 

I think a felon could perform those basic things on the job.

I'm so behind - what's your son doing? I can't believe how old everyone's babies are now!

[bean29]

Nov 19, 2024 16:17:25 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Nov 19, 2024 0:01:30 GMT -5 azucena said:

Teen's dad wants her back and is working on setting up housing and seems to have a job. He also seems to think that he won't be sentenced to jail time. He's joining CPS mtg tomorrow.

Meanwhile Teen doesn't know his plans. She just had what I'm diagnosing as an absence seizure. She was bickering with me about taking her meds which is typical for her really bad mental health days. Says things like they don't help anyway. And then she was unresponsive but still sitting up. Luckily she was sitting on the floor bc she'd just said she felt off and that's our first cue. Managed to lay her down and clear around her head but she never shook, just sorta passed out.

Now she's asleep and I'm allowing myself to cry quietly while keeping an eye on her. It's gonna be a long night and day and somehow I have to keep work afloat bc key project is due Fri.

Do I dare hope he does go to jail? This is all so messed up and heartbreaking.

If Teen says I want to stay with my new family, will anyone listen and can her dad step back enough to allow it and do what's best for her? I didn't think this could get any more complicated.

She didn't end up wanting to see him last night. I think she's afraid to get her hopes up that she can rely on him. I don't think he's mistreated her, rather he's served at least two prison sentences so has been unavailable for large chunks of her life. I also think she's distrustful since he knew bio mom was abusive and didn't rescue her.

This poor, poor child.

I've been feeling spicy lately. My thought on this is: if BT's dad really loves her and wants what's best for her, he would encourage her to keep living with you and continue providing medical sign-offs. He would realize that he is NOT a good option for her for all the reasons you listed, and it would be super short-sighted and selfish for him to take custody of her.

My BIL and SIL had a Son who was addicted to drugs.  He had at least two Baby Mommas that were also addicted to drugs.  The oldest Grandchild was M.  There were times when BIL and SIL would get calls by Social Services to come and get their grandchild b/c Babymomma was panhandling in bitter cold with M only in a diaper.  BIL and SIL would take the Grandchild and then the parents would use his safety as a crutch to bargain for whatever they wanted/needed.  They finally decided to let Social Services deal with it hoping the child would no longer be used as a bargaining hostage by his parents.  M was placed with a simply wonderful foster family and there was an open arrangement between his Grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins and the foster family.  The mom went through rehab and was doing very well, so primary custody was given back to her.  She ended up dying of an overdose.  The original foster family applied for custody, and my BIL/SIL/Nieces and Nephews did not apply for custody b/c they wanted him to be adopted by his foster parents with the understanding they would be able to continue to have a relationship with him.  His babymomma's Aunt in another state applied for custody, and the court ruled that as long as a blood relative applied for custody, they had no choice, they had to give custody to the Great Aunt.  She was mid-late 50's.  She cut off all his father's family from seeing him.  I am not sure if anyone in his father's family has regrets about not applying for custody, but I am thinking that BT;s Dad applying for Custody may not be the worst thing.  If they say no, they say no...but if they are not going to allow placement with Acuzena's family, at least the Father still may have some influence over the situation.  My DN the father, never conqured his drug problem.  He went on to have a child with another woman who was also addicted to drugs, and they lived with her mother or grandmother.  He OD's when his second child was 3 or 4 years old maybe.  The Uncle did offer to adopt the little girl, but the grandmother did not want to give her up.  They said since my DN did a brief stint in the military and was apparently given a medical or honorable discharge, there was a pension payment involved and they felt that was why the grandmother wanted custody.  My DN that offered to adopt is in the military, married and has 2 other daughters.  

Fingers crossed that this all works out well.  

[Pink Cashmere]

I have been pretty lazy yesterday and today, my days off work. I’m tired, and decided to just accept that and rest.

I had a 3 day “weekend” last week due to the holiday, and I was busy every day, trying to get things in some kind of order. I don’t have that kind of energy this week, so whatever. 

I didn’t even go put gas in the Jeep today, like I normally do, to try to start my workweek with a full tank of gas, even though I still have to buy more gas before my work week ends. I bought gas Friday on my way to my side gig, so I still have almost a half tank, that is good enough this time.

I wrote Mister an email yesterday, basically saying that we really need to sort some things out, because I am tired of being mad or sad all the time, and feeling lonely. I was gentle, since we didn’t really fall all the way apart until all that stuff with his parents, and I do have compassion and empathy for him regarding all of that. But if I have to “walk and chew gum at the same time as my counselor said, and deal with my own shit while I deal with my relationship with Mister, he’s going to have to “walk and chew gum at the same time” too, and not let other stuff that has nothing to do with me, continue to ruin our relationship if he still wants it. 

And if he no longer wants the relationship, that’s okay too, just say that.

I don’t know if he even read the email even though I told him last night that I’d sent it. He has not replied or said anything about it. That’s not really okay, but in a way it kinda is. Because I’m just doing what I tend to do in situations like this with anybody I really care about, and saying “hey there’s a problem and this is what I have a problem with, and I’d like to for us to work it out.” So that if they don’t respond and we don’t address or work on the problem, nobody can say it came out of the blue when I do whatever I’m gonna do because of the problem and they keep doing what they’re doing. If it’s in writing, there is no disputing that I said something about what I had a problem with. What they do with that information is on them, including if they just ignore it. 

[greenthumb59]

I've been out for a few hours today.  My DH is hiding in the garage, probably drinking again.  

[soupandstew]

I've signed up to fill Thanksgiving boxes on Saturday, starting at 7 am.  Told DH he's on his own for breakfast food and he says he's okay with that.  It will be physically challenging to be on my feet for hours, but very beneficial mentally to be with good peeps doing good things.  

I appreciate all of y'all who nudged me in that direction.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 19, 2024 18:02:55 GMT -5 greenthumb59 said:

I've been out for a few hours today.  My DH is hiding in the garage, probably drinking again.  

Uh oh. Are you saying he potentially has some kind of drinking problem?

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 19, 2024 18:09:02 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I've signed up to fill Thanksgiving boxes on Saturday, starting at 7 am.  Told DH he's on his own for breakfast food and he says he's okay with that.  It will be physically challenging to be on my feet for hours, but very beneficial mentally to be with good peeps doing good things.  

I appreciate all of y'all who nudged me in that direction.

Yayyyy for you!

[NastyWoman]

So after I retired just about 3 years ago I realized that during the WFH/Covid situation I had neglected my money situation. Not that I was spending too much as I spend far less than before but in where I put all the money. It was just sitting there in my savings account earning nothing and there was too much to just do nothing. So I moved so e stuff around and figured I would just use part of it to supplement my SS and small pension until I reached my RMD birthday. 
Well...that ended up differently as I did not need to supplement but I was able to save each year (without trying to do so). This year I cash flowed having my floors done and until this weekend it looked like I would break even for the year. Sadly, my streak is over. I had the electrician here this morning (yes my heat is working again) but I need some additional work done before YE. And with that I'll be in the red v. income for the first time in at !east two decades - not counting my first RMD It is only a few $k  but still. Do I now have to hand in my somewhat tarnished YMAM    ?

[jerseygirl]

Nov 19, 2024 18:09:02 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I've signed up to fill Thanksgiving boxes on Saturday, starting at 7 am.  Told DH he's on his own for breakfast food and he says he's okay with that.  It will be physically challenging to be on my feet for hours, but very beneficial mentally to be with good peeps doing good things.  

I appreciate all of y'all who nudged me in that direction.

Yay more of that !
And doesn’t need to be something admirable- maybe just something you will enjoy
He needs you more than you need him if he loudly complains or sulks - so what

[greenthumb59]

Nov 19, 2024 18:10:49 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 19, 2024 18:02:55 GMT -5 greenthumb59 said:

I've been out for a few hours today.  My DH is hiding in the garage, probably drinking again.  

Uh oh. Are you saying he potentially has some kind of drinking problem?

Yes, my DH is an alcoholic.  He doesn't always think so.  Denial is a strong thing.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 19, 2024 18:43:16 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

So after I retired just about 3 years ago I realized that during the WFH/Covid situation I had neglected my money situation. Not that I was spending too much as I spend far less than before but in where I put all the money. It was just sitting there in my savings account earning nothing and there was too much to just do nothing. So I moved so e stuff around and figured I would just use part of it to supplement my SS and small pension until I reached my RMD birthday. 
Well...that ended up differently as I did not need to supplement but I was able to save each year (without trying to do so). This year I cash flowed having my floors done and until this weekend it looked like I would break even for the year. Sadly, my streak is over. I had the electrician here this morning (yes my heat is working again) but I need some additional work done before YE. And with that I'll be in the red v. income for the first time in at !east two decades - not counting my first RMD It is only a few $k  but still. Do I now have to hand in my somewhat tarnished YMAM    ?

Well you are still wayyyyy ahead of me, because I don’t even have a YMAM card to tarnish, y’all just let me hang out here anyway.

[chiver78]

relaxing with some food prep - 7lbs of ground beef and kale for the pups, and a cocktail for me. Wheel of Fortune is currently streaming. I might nuke a container of Panera mac and cheese that was calling to me on my Walmart run earlier. idk.

3 more days....and I'm getting better at ducking the requests to teach the role to my replacement. today I just forwarded the 90min meeting request to her boss (she also gets a notification) and asked him to accommodate as I was trying to close out hot items...and that none of these questions were immediate needs. these next 3 days can pass quickly, please and thank you. I should also see my vacation payout in this week's direct deposit. that's fun.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 19, 2024 19:02:50 GMT -5 greenthumb59 said:

Nov 19, 2024 18:10:49 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Uh oh. Are you saying he potentially has some kind of drinking problem?

Yes, my DH is an alcoholic.  He doesn't always think so.  Denial is a strong thing.

I’m sorry to read that. Idk what else to say, so I will just leave it at that and offer you a virtual hug, because I understand how problematic that is.

[giramomma]

Nov 19, 2024 16:37:47 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Nov 19, 2024 16:28:25 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I would assume that there ways to apply for jobs while he is in jail. I think folks are in a world of hurt for entry level and/ or manual labor. 

For a young kid, ds is looking like a rock star long timer on his job. He's been there a year.  All he does is show up on time, follow directions, and not use racial slurs. 

I think a felon could perform those basic things on the job.

I'm so behind - what's your son doing? I can't believe how old everyone's babies are now!

He will be 21 in less than 6 months. he's a mechanic working full time. he also just moved out with a 3 month emergency fund☺️


he landed ok. my second kid is a junior so we are looking at 4 year colleges. the peanut is marching towards 13 and the missy will be 7 in less than a month


seven.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 19, 2024 19:02:50 GMT -5 greenthumb59 said:

Nov 19, 2024 18:10:49 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Uh oh. Are you saying he potentially has some kind of drinking problem?

Yes, my DH is an alcoholic.  He doesn't always think so.  Denial is a strong thing.

I'm so sorry. Regardless how he identifies it's how the behavior impacts you that matters.

[giramomma]

Nov 19, 2024 16:33:36 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Re: Thanksgiving.... 


Sigh.

DH's mom has had some medical issues so we don't want her traveling much (never mind that she is a workaholic who went back to work 2 weeks [physical work] after a major surgery. Then she had a fall several days ago and was told AGAIN by the doctor to SLOW THE HELL DOWN). My mom is also no longer local, but she doesn't live close to DH's mom. Also DH is trying to figure out how to not have his mom invite his sister (snotty and rude, also trying to force a weird vibe with DS which has me on alert), but he knows his mom won't want to celebrate without her. So it's looking like we'll be celebrating T-Day separately with our respective mothers so he can minimize my family's dealings with his sis.

My aunts are semi-disabled (it irritates me bc it's completely self-inflicted, and my mom wants to celebrate with them. She lives on the 2nd floor now and they have never visited her for that reason. So she can't host. They talked about wanting to eat out - sure, that's fine.... but they never made any reservations! I started calling places, and HUGE SURPRISE - many places are all booked up. Why is this a problem with 3 grown women older than me?!?!?!?!?! My aunts always drag their feet and never EVER commit to plans or help to do any legwork. It's always left up to my mom or someone else. It drives me bananas. 

i anticipate we'll spend exactly 0 holidays with the kids on the
exact holidays.


i am ok with that. it is the consequence of having so many kids

[azucena]

Nov 19, 2024 15:44:05 GMT -5 bookkeeper said:

Nov 19, 2024 14:55:14 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

azucena         I hope all goes well.


I know nothing about people who have been in prison except what I have seen on tv, but how does he have clients when he just got out of prison?  

He could be working a landscaping business, moving company, cleaning service, lots of things.  If you have a friend with a business that is willing to overlook your past, I could see getting right to work after being released.

If you have a skill that is in demand, it is even more likely an employer would give a felon a chance.

Plumbing working for a family friend

[Pink Cashmere]

I’ve not been keeping up in this thread lately, as well as I have in the past. I may have missed them, but I haven’t seen any recent posts from CCL. Where are you CCL, are you okay? 

There is another poster I’ve been wondering about for a long time, I think her user name was stillmovingforward, and my iPad won’t let me tag her. She has children that she didn’t give birth to, of varying ethnicities. She also has dogs and a travel trailer or something that she uses to get away sometimes. So even if I don’t have the user name correct, that is who I am speaking of. 

I think there is a thread somewhere where we are supposed to ask about members that go missing, but idk where that thread is, and I apologize if I am out of line for asking about them here. 

[azucena]

Nov 19, 2024 18:09:02 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I've signed up to fill Thanksgiving boxes on Saturday, starting at 7 am.  Told DH he's on his own for breakfast food and he says he's okay with that.  It will be physically challenging to be on my feet for hours, but very beneficial mentally to be with good peeps doing good things.  

I appreciate all of y'all who nudged me in that direction.

Use the old lady card and request a chair 

[azucena]

WE GET TO KEEP TEEN!!!!!!!!

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 19, 2024 19:14:00 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 19, 2024 16:33:36 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Re: Thanksgiving.... 


Sigh.

DH's mom has had some medical issues so we don't want her traveling much (never mind that she is a workaholic who went back to work 2 weeks [physical work] after a major surgery. Then she had a fall several days ago and was told AGAIN by the doctor to SLOW THE HELL DOWN). My mom is also no longer local, but she doesn't live close to DH's mom. Also DH is trying to figure out how to not have his mom invite his sister (snotty and rude, also trying to force a weird vibe with DS which has me on alert), but he knows his mom won't want to celebrate without her. So it's looking like we'll be celebrating T-Day separately with our respective mothers so he can minimize my family's dealings with his sis.

My aunts are semi-disabled (it irritates me bc it's completely self-inflicted, and my mom wants to celebrate with them. She lives on the 2nd floor now and they have never visited her for that reason. So she can't host. They talked about wanting to eat out - sure, that's fine.... but they never made any reservations! I started calling places, and HUGE SURPRISE - many places are all booked up. Why is this a problem with 3 grown women older than me?!?!?!?!?! My aunts always drag their feet and never EVER commit to plans or help to do any legwork. It's always left up to my mom or someone else. It drives me bananas. 

i anticipate we'll spend exactly 0 holidays with the kids on the
exact holidays.


i am ok with that. it is the consequence of having so many kids

You say “so many kids”, I work with a lady now, who has SEVEN children. She and her children’s father have been together since she was 16yo. 

I am very curious about what daily life must be like for her with 7 children, but I don’t ask, because I don’t know her well enough or her me, for her to understand that my curiosity is just that, and not judgement. 

[NastyWoman]

Nov 19, 2024 19:19:08 GMT -5 azucena said:

WE GET TO KEEP TEEN!!!!!!!!