what are you doing right now?

[Pink Cashmere]

Today has been the 3rd day in a row of me spending my day doing laundry and trying to get some things back in order in my household. And I still have not gotten to all of the real cleaning I wanted to get done by tonight. Ugh!

I work my side gig instead of my regular job Friday, and it’s only for a few hours, so I am hopeful that I can get some more cleaning done that day.

Mister and I had a run in last week, where I bitched about the trash cans in the kitchen and laundry room overflowing with trash on the floor around them and me taking it out and cleaning up the mess. He said he’d do better. So the trash can in the laundry room was overflowing yesterday and there was trash on the floor around it. When I got up this morning, he’d taken the trash in the laundry room and kitchen out, and picked up the trash on the floor around the trash cans.

Me cleaning up today, means that both trash cans were already full again by the time he got home from work today. I am sure that he is annoyed by that, but that is just what happens when I am shoveling trash out of the house that should’ve BEEN thrown away, so I’m not inclined to feel bad about them being full again when he got home today, after he emptied them this morning. 

I wrestled with Helen the Roomba again today. She has not acted right since I rebooted her and started over like she was a new product, a few weeks ago. I really need her to act right and help keep the floors clean in the common areas of my house and my bedroom. My bedroom is the only bedroom I’ve ever had her vacuum and I just need her to do that room, and the common rooms in the house. But she is being unruly now and gets lost, stuck on thresholds between certain rooms, and just acts a fool in general. It’s not Helen’s fault, but in addition to other stuff that shouldn’t be on the floor in the first place and cause clogs, I  also keep having to unravel long weave hair from where it’s wrapped around the rollers and causes problems. YD wears long weaves and even though Helen doesn’t vacuum YD’s bedroom or the bathroom she uses, the weaves obviously shed when she is in the common areas of the house. If I can just get Helen to work like how I want her to, I may address the long hair from weaves later. Mister has expressed irritation before about tumbleweeds of weave hair all over the house. So if I end up saying something about it, he can’t deny it being and having been an issue even for him, without looking and sounding like a crazy person. 

And because I understand that might make me seem like an asshole because I don’t like dealing with the issues cause by the long hair shedded from weaves, I do understand that some people naturally have long hair that causes the same kinds of issues. And I would probably be more okay with that if the person that had the long hair regularly participated in household chores to help keep the house clean. 

[bookkeeper]

Hair wrap is a pain in the @ss.  Our daughter in law has waist length hair and her vacuum struggles.  She needs her vacuum cleaner to work and I support her, so I sit down with a scissors and cut out the chunks.  If we all work together, we may just get through this lifetime!

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 12, 2024 21:02:44 GMT -5 azucena said:

Trigger warning about domestic violence.....













I went to a rare work happy hour and then stopped to get groceries. About 530 bonus teen got a call from the elementary school counselor. She took it on speaker and moved into home office so dh could overhear. You guys, that fucking woman (TFW, formerly known as bio nut) beat up teen's 9 yr old little sister this morning who then arrived at school with a black eye and bruises forming in multiple places. School nurse and counselor called CPS who didn't show up until 430 and somehow, somehow decide this poor defenseless child should still be sent home. Counselor called teen to see if she had a phone number for sister's dad (different dad from teen). Teen had same number they'd been calling with no response. Counselor couldn't tell teen what happened but teen got to talk to sis. Apparently, sis was minding her business and getting ready for school pickup at 630 am when TFW came at her out of nowhere with no apparent trigger from the kids and wailed on her.

Sis was part of original cps report back in March with Teen. Sis had bruises from a beating then that the school nurse hotlined. TFW must have inches of case file on her by now and she can't even behave when she knows the system is watching. Well I guess behavior doesn't matter anyway.

DH and I sit her absolutely broken-hearted for that little girl and also for Teen who has so much survivor's guilt already. Teen left to go have a late bday dinner with a friend's family. It's a long term friend/family that will be good for her to be around.

The only thing I can think to do is for teen and I to call legal services and our CPS case worker and attempt to raise a stink. Teen told school counselor our social worker's name and she said they had a different one visit today. System is so broken I'm not convinced these case files are correctly linked together then. The same case worker should work the case for the same family, right?

I just can't even process how much the system has let these poor children down when there is damning evidence against TFW.

NOTHING upsets my nerves more than a child being abused. 

That is so true that IRL, I stop people from telling me what they saw on the news when it involves a child being harmed or worse.

So I am discombobulated after reading your post, to the point that I can’t even try to make sense of whatever was said after I read that a child was beat up by her biological parent. That’s not on you, that is on me and my issues regarding children being abused. 

o.m.g.

[bookkeeper]

And WTF is up with trash in Pink's household.  Can't be bothered to take out the trash?  We need adults to enter the conversation.

[cooper88]

azucena My heart just breaks for the kids. They fucking deserve to just be children. Safe and happy children.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 12, 2024 21:02:44 GMT -5 azucena said:

I just can't even process how much the system has let these poor children down when there is damning evidence against TFW.

Unfortunately, this doesn't surprise me at all. Two of my aunts were heavily involved in the foster system and took in dozens of kids. One of them adopted 5 of her fosters, the other one 2.  There were so many sad stories and messed up kids over the years.  The parents are given chance after chance after chance.  I know I could not emotionally handle what they went through.

[bookkeeper]

Nov 12, 2024 21:25:48 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 12, 2024 21:02:44 GMT -5 azucena said:

I just can't even process how much the system has let these poor children down when there is damning evidence against TFW.

Unfortunately, this doesn't surprise me at all. Two of my aunts were heavily involved in the foster system and took in dozens of kids. One of them adopted 5 of her fosters, the other one 2.  There were so many sad stories and messed up kids over the years.  The parents are given chance after chance after chance.  I know I could not emotionally handle what they went through.

My sister in law has been the CFO of a children's charity with onsite living programs for over 20 years.  She tells me the thing that abused children want the most is to go home.  They all think it will be better, that they can start over, that they will be enough, if only they can go back.  It is the only thing they have ever known, including all the abuse.  All of the children at this charity are court ordered to be there.  Home is not a safe place.

Bad parenting is first a heartbreak and then later can become a crime.  Unfortunately, there is not much intervention in the middle.

[wvugurl26]

I would agree that the same case worker should be working all cases for the same family. How on earth can they send that poor child home to that monster? The system and politicians sure as hell don't care what happens to children once they are born.

[countrygirl2]

Chili for hubs and I. I'm cooking macaroni for it, so will use leftover spaghetti sauce on some for DD.

Next room will be the laundry room, then if we get time with doc visits, the office/little guys room and that's it till we get the new medicine cabinets in the bathrooms. Not sure what that time frame will be.

I need to type up a new password list too, this one is in terrible condition, marked over and marked over.

Also change DD's direct deposit, keep forgetting that, hubs is done. I need to check our Indiana account and make sure the auto pays are off of it. only 3 now, 1 light bill and 2 water bills.

[countrygirl2]

I guess that's why you see kids returned to biological parents and they end up more abused or dead. Imagine how many more when they make women have children they don't want.
I know its a nightmare, that's why we still have our DD. I dread her as a woman who cant defend herself having to go in the system. I don't think she will live long without proper care.

[Cookies Galore]

Nov 12, 2024 16:39:01 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Nov 12, 2024 16:31:02 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

I see no downside! Damn the man!

LOL! it's similar to this:

Ooh, I like

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 12, 2024 18:04:23 GMT -5 weltz said:

Nov 12, 2024 17:13:54 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Look forward to the little kitten weltz!

Can't wait!  I hope Sushi likes him. I asked Sushi what we should name him and he came up with "Meow"  Is that a good name for a cat?  Will all the other cats laugh at him?

Sashimi?

[giramomma]

I'm sorry az for that extra update. I don't know why in 2024, there's still the attitude that all things kid related must stay with the mom. That the mom is always the one who should have access to kids, should be the go to for all things kid related, etc.

Yet, here we are. We learned exactly nothing from Covid.

And it's just so damn tone deaf even in the most benign situations.

I am way on the struggle bus. I slept a lot last night and it didn't help at all. I'm so f-ing angry this morning at the thoughtlessness of people. Like, I really do wish I would have chosen a husband that made enough money and didn't care if I worked or not in the name of keeping me "happy."

I'm not some kept woman that has nothing better to do with her time than meet your demands withing seconds. That is not synonymous with being the woman/mom in the relationship.

So. DD1 is likely going to get no family birthday celebration. DH is likely getting no sex for the foreseeable future. And I'm sure my mom is going to take out her failure to adult out on me because I'm not coming to her rescue fast enough. And we'll see if we can pull a playdate off. I dunno. I'm sure DH will step up for the kids. Because that's what matters to him.

And I'm supposed to be happy watching my legs balloon up because there's no time to take care of myself. (My ankles/feet balloon on tamoxifen if I don't walk around. It's a side effect). All the while I get to watch everyone else have time to take care of themselves.

This is not the life that I battled cancer for.

And I have been communicating. I'm not going to beg my own husband or kids to spend time with me. But, then, fuck, don't be surprised at the consequences.

On the other hand, maybe humans are just so stupid that going through Covid wasn't enough to start to make change.

The problem is, I am not stupid. And I don't want lie in a bed that other people have made with their stupidity.

[ners]

Nov 12, 2024 21:25:14 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

azucena My heart just breaks for the kids. They fucking deserve to just be children. Safe and happy children.

[ners]

giramomma

[finnime]

Good morning, empathetic invisipeeps, immersing yourselves into the problems in front of you to effect change. Welcome to Wednesday. I hope for you that this day your burdens are lightened and that serenity reigns. I hope there is cake.

We're enjoying ourselves in Albuquerque. We won't take the tram up the mountain since DH is phobic about heights, but we've been out and about, including to the Socorro wildlife preserve where we saw thousands of snow geese in a pond. THe landscape is so totally different than what I see at home, with the flat flat ground swooping up into mountains, tumbleweed-dotted desert and huge vistas.

I took this at the wildlife preserve:

[finnime]

giramomma,     

[giramomma]

And, why is that the messaging that if you have enough money/privilege you are exempt from doing your responsibilities?

How's that for leadership?

And it doesn't matter who...My mom...Trump's wife..

What kind of example is this setting?  I can't even. We've all but forgotten the example RBG set for us.

Or maybe that's where I'm going wrong. Maybe I should be the one demanding to bow out from responsibilities. Lord knows, I have enough privilege in my life.

[wvugurl26]

I don't understand why it's different if it's your child. If an adult attacked another adult like that and the police were called, the attacker would be booked for assault. And that's for a grown adult supposedly able to protect themselves. So we do nothing for a defenseless child?

[giramomma]

Because mother.

If it was father, it would likely be a different story.

[gs11rmb]

I'm sorry you're struggling giramomma.  Do you feel like sharing what happened or do you just want to vent your frustration?  Either is fine; whichever makes you feel better.

[MJ2.0]

Nov 12, 2024 18:42:21 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 12, 2024 16:13:07 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I feel you 1000%. My saving grace has been learning how to put my hair into flat twist protective styles after washing. That's literally all I do because I am lazy, my hair is a lot of work, and it doesn't hold a hair-out style longer than 24 hours, even if I put gel, hairspray, and 5000 bobby pins in it. I also feel you on trying to minimize hair damage. The aforementioned protective style keeps my hair out of my way and keeps it healthy. The "downside" is that I look like a 1960s Civil Rights Movement baddie most of the time, lol. I've gone to a professional once a year since going natural. I get a blowout and trim/cut, and it cost around $180-200ish, but I'm also in a higher COLA than you are (I think).

I have my loc "installation" next month and I'm looking forward to not picking up a comb or detangling brush ever again. Unfortunately, that process will be over $200. I'll go 1 or 2 more times for a re-twist (6 and then 12 weeks later), but I plan to learn how to do the re-twists myself.

I learned how to braid hair before I was 8yo, and as an adult I could’ve made money doing it. When I braided DD’s hair when she was a child, people commented on how neat it was. But even though I knew how to do a lot of things regarding hair, I’d never gone to anybody’s school for it, because I wasn’t interested in fooling with random people and their hair.

I know how to also do flat twists. But now, I can’t even braid or twist my oldest granddaughter’s hair without taking a million breaks because my hands hurt when I try. So I definitely can’t braid or twist my own hair, because that requires awkward positioning of my arms and hands, and it is just too painful.

My hair will (mostly) stay however it’s styled after it dries. I say that it was kind of unruly even when it was relaxed, because even then, it still sometimes disagreed with which way I wanted it to go, and now that there is no relaxer to try to tame it, it really goes in whatever direction it wants to lol

I am pretty sure you live in a higher COLA than I do, but what I’m seeing now are prices over $200, just to cut my hair. Not shampoo it or do anything to care for it, just cut it. 

I think during this winter, I will blow dry and flat iron my hair, just because. I have worn my hair in its naturally curly/coily state since I did my big chop, because I was afraid to use heat on it. I’ve also never used any protective styles. So once i get it out of my system to see it flat ironed, where it’s not doing its magic trick of shrinking so much that you can still see my ears and neck even though my hair is actually long enough that it’s some inches past my shoulders, I’ll probably eventually cut most of it off again, and go back to a shorter, tapered style. And back to my barber that use to cut it before I let it grow out, for less than $20, including a tip.

I originally stopped relaxing my hair, because I decided out of the blue that I wanted locs. I changed my mind at some point after I started wearing my natural hair, for yet another unknown reason lol. But I do still admire other people’s locs. So good luck on your loc journey!

now that's just insanity. I admire people for monetizing their talents, but hair and beauty service providers nowadays are trying to do WAY too much in terms of charging a lot for something super basic. If I have to wash, dry, and stretch my hair prior to the visit, I shouldn't be paying anywhere near $200 for a haircut! Especially if it's a home-based provider because you have no overhead costs other than supplies since you were paying rent/mortgage before you started doing hair. 

I'm not awesome at styling my own hair but YouTube has been coming in clutch! My hands and arms do hurt after a while when I style my hair, but I just take breaks and keep going because the alternative is that it becomes a dry, tangled mess if I give up. 

And thanks for the loc journey well-wishes! If for some reason it doesn't work out I am absolutely going back to a short cut. Right now my hair is just past my shoulders when straightened, and it's THICK. I love that it's thick and healthy but it's just WAAAAY too much work in its current state.

[gs11rmb]

Nov 12, 2024 22:03:52 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Nov 12, 2024 16:39:01 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

LOL! it's similar to this:

Ooh, I like

Agree.  I think it's a really elegant style.

[azucena]

Nov 13, 2024 8:47:28 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

Nov 12, 2024 18:42:21 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I learned how to braid hair before I was 8yo, and as an adult I could’ve made money doing it. When I braided DD’s hair when she was a child, people commented on how neat it was. But even though I knew how to do a lot of things regarding hair, I’d never gone to anybody’s school for it, because I wasn’t interested in fooling with random people and their hair.

I know how to also do flat twists. But now, I can’t even braid or twist my oldest granddaughter’s hair without taking a million breaks because my hands hurt when I try. So I definitely can’t braid or twist my own hair, because that requires awkward positioning of my arms and hands, and it is just too painful.

My hair will (mostly) stay however it’s styled after it dries. I say that it was kind of unruly even when it was relaxed, because even then, it still sometimes disagreed with which way I wanted it to go, and now that there is no relaxer to try to tame it, it really goes in whatever direction it wants to lol

I am pretty sure you live in a higher COLA than I do, but what I’m seeing now are prices over $200, just to cut my hair. Not shampoo it or do anything to care for it, just cut it. 

I think during this winter, I will blow dry and flat iron my hair, just because. I have worn my hair in its naturally curly/coily state since I did my big chop, because I was afraid to use heat on it. I’ve also never used any protective styles. So once i get it out of my system to see it flat ironed, where it’s not doing its magic trick of shrinking so much that you can still see my ears and neck even though my hair is actually long enough that it’s some inches past my shoulders, I’ll probably eventually cut most of it off again, and go back to a shorter, tapered style. And back to my barber that use to cut it before I let it grow out, for less than $20, including a tip.

I originally stopped relaxing my hair, because I decided out of the blue that I wanted locs. I changed my mind at some point after I started wearing my natural hair, for yet another unknown reason lol. But I do still admire other people’s locs. So good luck on your loc journey!

now that's just insanity. I admire people for monetizing their talents, but hair and beauty service providers nowadays are trying to do WAY too much in terms of charging a lot for something super basic. If I have to wash, dry, and stretch my hair prior to the visit, I shouldn't be paying anywhere near $200 for a haircut! Especially if it's a home-based provider because you have no overhead costs other than supplies since you were paying rent/mortgage before you started doing hair. 

I'm not awesome at styling my own hair but YouTube has been coming in clutch! My hands and arms do hurt after a while when I style my hair, but I just take breaks and keep going because the alternative is that it becomes a dry, tangled mess if I give up. 

And thanks for the loc journey well-wishes! If for some reason it doesn't work out I am absolutely going back to a short cut. Right now my hair is just past my shoulders when straightened, and it's THICK. I love that it's thick and healthy but it's just WAAAAY too much work in its current state.

Would love links to videos. I've been tossing $300ish/month to have bonus teen's hair done. Happy to do it and can easily afford it but I also need to start prepping her for her college future and beyond when she might not have funds to spend that much every month. For now, I'd just been letting her live her best life because she deserves to be pampered, she needs the self esteem boost of looking cute, I know to stay in my lane about POC hair care, etc.

Teen has also talked about choosing locs someday soon. Would love good website to learn more about that. I've googled and end up running in circles because I don't know what I don't know.

[MJ2.0]

Nov 12, 2024 20:47:10 GMT -5 azucena said:

Nov 12, 2024 17:27:32 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

yeah, this is pretty similar to what I do every week. I did have my hair out for the wedding (flat twist twist-out courtesy of anti-frizz lotion, curling gel, hairspray and setting it on Wednesday to take it out and style on Saturday. Yes, you read that right - I had to "set" it for 4 days for it to turn out right!) and the picnic after that (and my blowout last month), but other than that, it's something like this. It's neat and nice enough for the office, and it holds decently until the next wash day.

Did you learn from a video? If so, I'd be interested in links pls. Not sure if you've been reading my bonus teen saga - she's my 17 yr old unofficial foster daughter.

Sure! I don't have any specific links, but Glory Okings on YouTube has helped me so much in finding relatively easy and long-lasting protective styles for my hair. Definitely check her out - her tutorials are pretty easy to follow, and she has a very mellow and pleasant vibe. 

[MJ2.0]

Nov 12, 2024 21:25:14 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

azucena My heart just breaks for the kids. They fucking deserve to just be children. Safe and happy children.

I don't understand how TFW still has kids allowed in her home! I get that the system is overloaded, but still..... I have some ideas on what I think would ultimately help to reduce the burden on the social service system, but we'll never get there as a country (US).

[MJ2.0]

Nov 12, 2024 21:47:07 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I guess that's why you see kids returned to biological parents and they end up more abused or dead. Imagine how many more when they make women have children they don't want.
I know its a nightmare, that's why we still have our DD. I dread her as a woman who cant defend herself having to go in the system. I don't think she will live long without proper care.

it's the "system/foster care to prison" pipeline. So so many things on the horizon will work to pad the pockets of the privatized prison industry.....

[azucena]

Went back and edited my trigger warning to include child abuse. Sorry for anyone I caught unaware. I was trying to warn but knew domestic violence wasn't quite right but my brain was on overload.


New day, new hope...

Updated therapist via email with everything that's happened in the last two weeks incl last night. TFW has made it clear that therapist can't talk to me about teen. Okay, but I can communicate one direction and have told therapist not to respond so she doesn't cross any ethical/professional lines. Therapist has been really tactful using my notes to guide sessions without teen knowing that I'm sharing her business.

Teen's dad called for her birthday and she finally let him know that she's staying with us and he responded something like I understand why you can't live with that woman. Clued therapist in that we think he still has parental rights but social services won't touch that and won't say why. If they'd give me a good reason, I'd leave it alone but otherwise, I'm not going to just sit idly by and not try everything I can to help bonus teen. If he'd give me medical proxy, teen could go back to ignoring TFW completely and her world would be the calmer place she needs to keep healing.

Also saw someone local post on fb asking for Medicaid dentist to pull teeth for dentures so have 3-4 more offices to call. Otherwise, I was told this week that no one at social services (government or school) are working on finding dental solutions because TFW is insisting that teen go back to original dentist and get tooth pulled there. Teen and I have both told social services that we went there in April and they couldn't pull it and referred us to dental school who then referred us to oral surgeon. But somehow TFW (who didn't even graduate hs btw) knows better than the dental offices is allowed to force teen to go back again. Teen and I don't have access to her medical records to prove this out. And so we sit waiting for the day when TFW decides it's time to go stand in line at 5 am in hopes of getting an appt.

I'm going to have Teen ask legal aid why they can't file police report or something criminal for sister's assault. They haven't been super helpful to date though as their hands seem to be tied legally on what they can do.

[MJ2.0]

Nov 13, 2024 8:57:21 GMT -5 azucena said:

Nov 13, 2024 8:47:28 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

now that's just insanity. I admire people for monetizing their talents, but hair and beauty service providers nowadays are trying to do WAY too much in terms of charging a lot for something super basic. If I have to wash, dry, and stretch my hair prior to the visit, I shouldn't be paying anywhere near $200 for a haircut! Especially if it's a home-based provider because you have no overhead costs other than supplies since you were paying rent/mortgage before you started doing hair. 

I'm not awesome at styling my own hair but YouTube has been coming in clutch! My hands and arms do hurt after a while when I style my hair, but I just take breaks and keep going because the alternative is that it becomes a dry, tangled mess if I give up. 

And thanks for the loc journey well-wishes! If for some reason it doesn't work out I am absolutely going back to a short cut. Right now my hair is just past my shoulders when straightened, and it's THICK. I love that it's thick and healthy but it's just WAAAAY too much work in its current state.

Would love links to videos. I've been tossing $300ish/month to have bonus teen's hair done. Happy to do it and can easily afford it but I also need to start prepping her for her college future and beyond when she might not have funds to spend that much every month. For now, I'd just been letting her live her best life because she deserves to be pampered, she needs the self esteem boost of looking cute, I know to stay in my lane about POC hair care, etc.

Teen has also talked about choosing locs someday soon. Would love good website to learn more about that. I've googled and end up running in circles because I don't know what I don't know.

eh, I have time so here are a couple that I've used a few times:

[MJ2.0]

Nov 13, 2024 7:07:29 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I'm sorry az for that extra update. I don't know why in 2024, there's still the attitude that all things kid related must stay with the mom. That the mom is always the one who should have access to kids, should be the go to for all things kid related, etc.

Yet, here we are. We learned exactly nothing from Covid.

And it's just so damn tone deaf even in the most benign situations.

I am way on the struggle bus. I slept a lot last night and it didn't help at all. I'm so f-ing angry this morning at the thoughtlessness of people. Like, I really do wish I would have chosen a husband that made enough money and didn't care if I worked or not in the name of keeping me "happy."

I'm not some kept woman that has nothing better to do with her time than meet your demands withing seconds. That is not synonymous with being the woman/mom in the relationship.

So. DD1 is likely going to get no family birthday celebration. DH is likely getting no sex for the foreseeable future. And I'm sure my mom is going to take out her failure to adult out on me because I'm not coming to her rescue fast enough. And we'll see if we can pull a playdate off. I dunno. I'm sure DH will step up for the kids. Because that's what matters to him.

And I'm supposed to be happy watching my legs balloon up because there's no time to take care of myself. (My ankles/feet balloon on tamoxifen if I don't walk around. It's a side effect). All the while I get to watch everyone else have time to take care of themselves.

This is not the life that I battled cancer for.

And I have been communicating. I'm not going to beg my own husband or kids to spend time with me. But, then, fuck, don't be surprised at the consequences.

On the other hand, maybe humans are just so stupid that going through Covid wasn't enough to start to make change.

The problem is, I am not stupid. And I don't want lie in a bed that other people have made with their stupidity.