what are you doing right now?

[NastyWoman]

Nov 9, 2024 17:52:27 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Going to see my aunt. She's not expected to make it through the weekend. I tried calling my cousin and he didn't answer so I hope I'm not too late.

[Artemis Windsong]

Watching Alone Show.  Season 11 day 81.  Unbelievable what those people go through.

I'm sure there are a lot of studies being done on this survival show.

[chiver78]

Nov 9, 2024 20:00:18 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 9, 2024 17:52:27 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Going to see my aunt. She's not expected to make it through the weekend. I tried calling my cousin and he didn't answer so I hope I'm not too late.

☝️ this. I'm sorry.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 9, 2024 10:03:41 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 8, 2024 23:06:09 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

o.m.g. Kiddo is here tonight and it just now clicked in my brain that that means I’ll have to share a bed with Mister tonight.

I know how awful that sounds (and is), but it’s not just about me being upset with him and not wanting to fool with him or be around him. He sleeps in the other bedroom because I snore and grind my teeth when I do manage to sleep, which disturbs his sleep. But his ass snores and won’t stay on his side of the bed, which disrupts my sleep too! Even when we use to cuddle when we went to bed, after some years, we started moving away from each other to actually sleep, because he was already a hotbox, which I loved at first, because I was always cold. But then I  started being so hot at night, and all of the heat our bodies generated made it uncomfortable to both of us to sleep cuddled up against each other. And him sleeping in the other bedroom has given me the space to make it clear to me that sharing a bed with him disrupts the little sleep I might get myself. 

I started recognizing it when we were constantly moving back and forth between his home and mine, before we moved here together, and it felt good to me on the nights we didn’t spend together, to sleep in my queen size bed at my house, by myself. I’d slept in a queen size bed by myself for almost 20 years before I met Mister, and even today, I haven’t gotten past how it feels to be able to stretch out and lay however I want to in bed.

And there is also the fact that now, when I wake up after 2 or 3 hours of sleep and can’t go back to sleep, since I’ve been advised to not just lay there tossing and turning, I might do something that requires sound like using sleep meditaion apps or thunderstorm sounds that I find soothing, turning a lamp on to do whatever, or even turning the tv on and watching something that is only mildly entertaining, that I’m likely to doze off on. All of which are more likely to disturb Mister’s sleep even more. 

He doesn’t even know I do all of that random stuff now, during the night when I wake up and can’t go back to sleep. 

But I have to go to work tomorrow morning and he doesn’t, so even though I’d prefer not to ever disturb his sleep if I can help it, I’m not willing to forgo the things I do during the middle of the night to try to help me go back to sleep, even though any or all of them may or may not work on any given night. 

I don’t understand whyyyyy even simple things have gotten so complicated. Whyyyy should just the thought of sharing a bed with the man I live with, pose some problems for me to try to sort out before I go to bed?

I will stop whining now.

Sleep is important to function.

I would brainstorm other options. The two of you sleeping together may not be the only option.

Of course not all options would be desirable. When I am problem solving, I put them all on the table without judgement (good, bad, dumb, stupid, etc). . And then they get worked through. That also helps arrive at priorities when I  don't know what they are.

We live in 1800 sq feet, 4 bedrooms. There were 6 of us here full time, for quite a long time. Now, we are down to 5 of us here full time. Plus I was teaching way more out of our home. 

We still have options for when bedroom/bed sharing is not a good idea. 

Your problem solving technique is one I was taught in elementary school when I was in the CLUE program. That was the first thing I thought about when I read your post.

My nerves wouldn’t get so upset about sharing a bed with Mister when I’d really rather not, if he didn’t make such a big deal about how I disturb his sleep when I do sleep, and refuse to acknowledge that HE disturbs MY sleep too. And so does Boy. He doesn’t seem to sleep much at night and gets restless. When he starts moving around, it wakes me up. When Mister sleeps in the other bedroom, Boy sleeps in there with him, Newbie usually sleeps in the bedroom with me. Newbie is a slug even during the day. She doesn’t move around much at night. She does snore sometimes, but not loud enough to wake me up. 

Mister also has a bunch of loud ass alarms that start going off at 4:45am. That didn’t matter when I had to be up around the same time, except on my days off from work, but now it pisses me off. They are so loud and annoying that they often startle me, and he still doesn’t even always hear them, so I kick him to wake him up. He hits snooze and immediately starts snoring again. Which pisses me off even more, because I can’t go back to sleep. They went off this morning, even though he was off work today. But he had to get up early for a teleconference. So after struggling all night with being hot, and him and Boy disturbing me, the alarms were the last straw. All of that is why I was cranky when I got up for work. 

Anyway, our bedroom is literally the only place in the house I am comfortable trying to sleep in. I’ve gotten irritated in the middle of the night and gone to sleep on the leather sofa in the den before. But now I’d have to move a bunch of junk off of it before I could even lay down and be surrounded by a bunch of more junk. That is not conducive to sleep for me. 

We have 4 bedrooms, one is YD’s and she’d have a stroke if someone dared even enter her bedroom, even when she was away at college. Another bedroom is Mister’s wanna be mancave. It had a bed in there until several months ago when he bought the treadmill and home gym and put them in there and threw the bed away. That room was trashed to the point he couldn’t even enjoy it as his man cave, because he said all the crap stressed him out. He cleaned it up when he put the exercise equipment in there, but it is trashed again. The other bedroom, Mister has also junked up with shit everywhere. And even though he and Boy, sometimes Newbie too, often sleep in the bed in there, Mister doesn’t wash the linens, which is nasty to me. He does good to wash them when Kiddo is coming over, and it’s embarrassing to admit, but he doesn’t even always do that. I’m pretty sure it’s been at least a month now since he’s washed the linens on that bed.

So I do understand what you are saying, but for this specific situation and right now, I don’t have any good options for me to sleep somewhere else in the house when I need to. 

Which reminds me that I’m gonna have to share a bed with him again tonight. Sighhhh. But at least I don’t have to work tomorrow. 

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 9, 2024 20:00:18 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 9, 2024 17:52:27 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Going to see my aunt. She's not expected to make it through the weekend. I tried calling my cousin and he didn't answer so I hope I'm not too late.

So sorry, Andi

[giramomma]

Nov 9, 2024 18:32:15 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

Nov 9, 2024 18:28:11 GMT -5 giramomma said:

That sounds amazing. I'll be over ASAP. LOL.

Sure. I could use company that doesn't roll over and shed

Actually, I do shed. And I can roll over still. 

LOL.

I don't purr, though.

[saveinla]

Has anyone bought a mattress online and has any opinions on Saatva - we usually buy beds from Ikea - but I don't see the ones we used to buy anymore. I am looking for a firm Queen mattress.
Thanks

[aricia]

Nov 9, 2024 20:13:42 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 9, 2024 10:03:41 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sleep is important to function.

I would brainstorm other options. The two of you sleeping together may not be the only option.

Of course not all options would be desirable. When I am problem solving, I put them all on the table without judgement (good, bad, dumb, stupid, etc). . And then they get worked through. That also helps arrive at priorities when I  don't know what they are.

We live in 1800 sq feet, 4 bedrooms. There were 6 of us here full time, for quite a long time. Now, we are down to 5 of us here full time. Plus I was teaching way more out of our home. 

We still have options for when bedroom/bed sharing is not a good idea. 

Your problem solving technique is one I was taught in elementary school when I was in the CLUE program. That was the first thing I thought about when I read your post.

My nerves wouldn’t get so upset about sharing a bed with Mister when I’d really rather not, if he didn’t make such a big deal about how I disturb his sleep when I do sleep, and refuse to acknowledge that HE disturbs MY sleep too. And so does Boy. He doesn’t seem to sleep much at night and gets restless. When he starts moving around, it wakes me up. When Mister sleeps in the other bedroom, Boy sleeps in there with him, Newbie usually sleeps in the bedroom with me. Newbie is a slug even during the day. She doesn’t move around much at night. She does snore sometimes, but not loud enough to wake me up. 

Mister also has a bunch of loud ass alarms that start going off at 4:45am. That didn’t matter when I had to be up around the same time, except on my days off from work, but now it pisses me off. They are so loud and annoying that they often startle me, and he still doesn’t even always hear them, so I kick him to wake him up. He hits snooze and immediately starts snoring again. Which pisses me off even more, because I can’t go back to sleep. They went off this morning, even though he was off work today. But he had to get up early for a teleconference. So after struggling all night with being hot, and him and Boy disturbing me, the alarms were the last straw. All of that is why I was cranky when I got up for work. 

Anyway, our bedroom is literally the only place in the house I am comfortable trying to sleep in. I’ve gotten irritated in the middle of the night and gone to sleep on the leather sofa in the den before. But now I’d have to move a bunch of junk off of it before I could even lay down and be surrounded by a bunch of more junk. That is not conducive to sleep for me. 

We have 4 bedrooms, one is YD’s and she’d have a stroke if someone dared even enter her bedroom, even when she was away at college. Another bedroom is Mister’s wanna be mancave. It had a bed in there until several months ago when he bought the treadmill and home gym and put them in there and threw the bed away. That room was trashed to the point he couldn’t even enjoy it as his man cave, because he said all the crap stressed him out. He cleaned it up when he put the exercise equipment in there, but it is trashed again. The other bedroom, Mister has also junked up with shit everywhere. And even though he and Boy, sometimes Newbie too, often sleep in the bed in there, Mister doesn’t wash the linens, which is nasty to me. He does good to wash them when Kiddo is coming over, and it’s embarrassing to admit, but he doesn’t even always do that. I’m pretty sure it’s been at least a month now since he’s washed the linens on that bed.

So I do understand what you are saying, but for this specific situation and right now, I don’t have any good options for me to sleep somewhere else in the house when I need to. 

Which reminds me that I’m gonna have to share a bed with him again tonight. Sighhhh. But at least I don’t have to work tomorrow. 

You don’t need to find another place in the house you’re comfortable sleeping, he does. His son is coming over, his daughter’s room is available, he can figure out how to make it work and deal with the consequences. You need to go to work and make money, he can facilitate you getting sleep. If this would be a battle and it’s not worth fighting, that’s totally understandable, but it wouldn’t be unreasonable to make it HIS problem.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 9, 2024 21:43:07 GMT -5 aricia said:

Nov 9, 2024 20:13:42 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Your problem solving technique is one I was taught in elementary school when I was in the CLUE program. That was the first thing I thought about when I read your post.

My nerves wouldn’t get so upset about sharing a bed with Mister when I’d really rather not, if he didn’t make such a big deal about how I disturb his sleep when I do sleep, and refuse to acknowledge that HE disturbs MY sleep too. And so does Boy. He doesn’t seem to sleep much at night and gets restless. When he starts moving around, it wakes me up. When Mister sleeps in the other bedroom, Boy sleeps in there with him, Newbie usually sleeps in the bedroom with me. Newbie is a slug even during the day. She doesn’t move around much at night. She does snore sometimes, but not loud enough to wake me up. 

Mister also has a bunch of loud ass alarms that start going off at 4:45am. That didn’t matter when I had to be up around the same time, except on my days off from work, but now it pisses me off. They are so loud and annoying that they often startle me, and he still doesn’t even always hear them, so I kick him to wake him up. He hits snooze and immediately starts snoring again. Which pisses me off even more, because I can’t go back to sleep. They went off this morning, even though he was off work today. But he had to get up early for a teleconference. So after struggling all night with being hot, and him and Boy disturbing me, the alarms were the last straw. All of that is why I was cranky when I got up for work. 

Anyway, our bedroom is literally the only place in the house I am comfortable trying to sleep in. I’ve gotten irritated in the middle of the night and gone to sleep on the leather sofa in the den before. But now I’d have to move a bunch of junk off of it before I could even lay down and be surrounded by a bunch of more junk. That is not conducive to sleep for me. 

We have 4 bedrooms, one is YD’s and she’d have a stroke if someone dared even enter her bedroom, even when she was away at college. Another bedroom is Mister’s wanna be mancave. It had a bed in there until several months ago when he bought the treadmill and home gym and put them in there and threw the bed away. That room was trashed to the point he couldn’t even enjoy it as his man cave, because he said all the crap stressed him out. He cleaned it up when he put the exercise equipment in there, but it is trashed again. The other bedroom, Mister has also junked up with shit everywhere. And even though he and Boy, sometimes Newbie too, often sleep in the bed in there, Mister doesn’t wash the linens, which is nasty to me. He does good to wash them when Kiddo is coming over, and it’s embarrassing to admit, but he doesn’t even always do that. I’m pretty sure it’s been at least a month now since he’s washed the linens on that bed.

So I do understand what you are saying, but for this specific situation and right now, I don’t have any good options for me to sleep somewhere else in the house when I need to. 

Which reminds me that I’m gonna have to share a bed with him again tonight. Sighhhh. But at least I don’t have to work tomorrow. 

You don’t need to find another place in the house you’re comfortable sleeping, he does. His son is coming over, his daughter’s room is available, he can figure out how to make it work and deal with the consequences. You need to go to work and make money, he can facilitate you getting sleep. If this would be a battle and it’s not worth fighting, that’s totally understandable, but it wouldn’t be unreasonable to make it HIS problem.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 

It IS a battle worth fighting because I have so much going on with my mental and physical health these days, that it really does matter that I be able to get as much sleep as I can, given I already had insomnia issues for years before all this other shit started, and lack of sleep just makes it all even worse now.

YD spent the night with her boyfriend last night, so somebody (not me!) actually could’ve slept in her bed last night. I feel like Kiddo should have his own space and some consistency in our household, so in my mind, Mister could’ve slept in there if it really matters to him like he claims it does, that I function how he wants me to, including going to work. But we never know when YD is going to be here or not, coming home for the night or not, so that is why that is not an option, besides the fact that her bedroom is sacred (I should probably use another word, but I can’t think of one right now) and always has been, even when she was away at college. Her bedroom and bed have always been off limits, even when she was hundreds of miles away at college and we had more people in our home than beds, including when Mister’s Dad was here. 

Even though I was angry enough a couple nights ago to tell Mister to get tf out of our bedroom so I could go to sleep after I was done arguing with with him, some things have happened that make me not feel like this is “our” house, like it was really supposed to be. It is his house, I just live here. I do fight about things regarding it being my home, but I have accepted that it’s his house and not ours, and that I made some mistakes moving here with him. 

So the bottom line is that I really can’t tell him where he has to sleep in his house. I can raise hell, and do when I feel like I have to, but the reality is that it’s his house and he can sleep wherever he wants to. If certain beds are off limits and he is okay with that, there is really nothing I can do about that. 

So imma just say that there is a saying that the left hand doesn’t need to let the right hand know what it’s doing. That can work for good or bad. I’m not the kind of person to mistreat anyone or try to get over on them. I really do try to treat people the way I’d want them to treat me. But I’m also not the dummy some people think I am when they mistake my kindness for stupidity. I am also not so evolved yet, despite my best efforts to be the best me that I can be, that I won’t play chess when people insist on trying me and playing checkers. And that’s all imma say on that. 

[Pink Cashmere]

About 10 years ago, I had a conversation with a woman that I was trying to sort some real life shit out concerning her even though I suspected she was an enemy at the time, which was later confirmed. 

But she said some real shit that day that I have never forgotten, and have thought about many times since then, because even though I would’ve liked to shoot the messenger, the message was true.

She said that most people are just trying to do whatever they think will make them happy, even if it is your child, family or good friend, most people will choose whatever they think might make them happy if something inside of them doesn’t steer them to do something different, even if they know it will hurt you, a person they know genuinely cares about them and is willing to help them in whatever way you can. 

Her words stuck with me, even though I get irritated when I think about what she said, just because I don’t like the person who said it. 

But regardless of my feelings and beef with her, I have never been able to deny the wisdom in what she said that day. 

Most people are trying to do what they think will make them happy, like she said. And most people really will choose what they think will make them happy regardless, including in relationships, if they are not mentally healthy themselves and/or just don’t live by the same values and morals you do, whether that means having bad boundaries or just not being able to, for whatever reason, be a decent person and have and enforce good boundaries. 

[Works4me]

Nov 9, 2024 21:09:04 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 9, 2024 18:32:15 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

Sure. I could use company that doesn't roll over and shed

Actually, I do shed. And I can roll over still. 

LOL.

I don't purr, though.

I've been known to bark on occasion and even howl at a full moon.

[finnime]

Good morning, restive invisipeeps, shedding and howling and prowling your homes. Welcome to Sunday. I hope your day brings you peace on a platter laid out for your pleasure. I hope you enjoy a Sunday sundae and that it brings you solace.

Today I pack my duds for our trip. I think what we'll do is bring one slightly larger suitcase to share and not worry about stuffing it in the overhead bin. Given DH's difficulty mobilizing over longer distances it just seems much easier, especially given we need to change planes in Denver, and then in Baltimore on the way home. It's also cold in Albuquerque now, a bit colder than it is here. That surprised me. I think of New Mexico as perptually hot due to the desert. I'll be glad to see our friends there and also to see my pieces on exhibit at the gallery in Santa Fe.

Going to bring Franklin the Dog to ODB's this afternoon. Franklin is crazy about him. I know they are in good hands with each other.

Yesterday I did some housework and we went to the opening reception for a show at the arts center a few towns east. We went late, thinking it started at 5 but found that it ended at 5. We both have pieces there. It's also a holiday crafts exhibit so I have a book and a calendar there and DH has cards. Two matted prints I had in the bin already sold by the time we got there.

The sun rose yet again yesterday, in a bonnet of clouds and accented by a herring gull:

[finnime]

Thinking of you, andi9899.  

[azucena]

Pink- dd12 has been a terrible sleeper ever since she was born. She interrupted my sleep for years and I'm one who needs a solid 8 hours. My body has def held onto that and tries to protect my sleep. Something to think about.

Somehow when it's one of the girls waking me for help, I can adjust but have DH wake me and I get ugly even without being fully awake. It also bugs the crap out of me that I've been the first riser for work for years and tiptoe around without lights and minimize sound and if he happens to wake first he doesn't make the same considerations.

[azucena]

Teen quit her restaurant hostess job today. She'd been there about a month. $9/hour plus tips broken off from wait staff which brought her average to $10/hour for standing on her feet all shift and dealing with Karens who complained about seating.

She never knew an end time for shifts bc it was based on how busy they were. That tripped us up a few times for rides.

Yesterday they wouldn't let her pee and she'd been there 4 hours.

And the topper was some creepy 40 yr old white dude who openly leered at her butt and made a comment that she won't repeat. So nasty and also a huge trigger for her.

Even though she quit as camp counselor and plato's closet, I'd been coaching her that this current job had red flags and prob wasn't worth it. We talked thru how these aren't resume building, worthwhile jobs so it's okay to start and stop until she finds a better fit.

She's completely frustrated and wants nothing more than to earn some of her own cash. She hates that I'm giving her the same allowance as DD16. With any luck, teen will get cast in upcoming musical after they both audition next week.

[azucena]

Teen's dad calls about every 3 weeks. He told her getting out of jail was delayed til next week. He's letting her infer that he will be out for good which i don't let think is necessarily true. I let her know that there are ways to look up his case if she wants more details. She said not yet.

Meanwhile I can see that his bond hearing happened and looks like judge will rule next week. Guess it's not instant like on TV lol.

Nut has been texting teen that she's going to get dad on her side so they can both sue me and/or report me for kidnapping. Teen and I have been told by multiple sources that if cops come they should do wellness check and ask teen about going home and then she should refuse, say it's not safe and reference cps case and then police shouldn't be involved further bc it's not their area. So hard to know for sure that will work so both of us have unease buried in the back of our heads which is exactly how nut wants it.

Teen is actually more worried about lawsuit for me. I've said we know nut sucks at completing grownup tasks so doubtful she gets around to doing any paperwork. Plus it takes money to sue. Plus I can easily prove that we are providing for her. Plus wouldn't my umbrella insurance policy help cover this?

Anyway, in all these months of brief phone calls from dad, teen hasn't said one word about moving away from nut. She hasn't wanted to trouble him bc he can't help her while he's in jail anyway. I've half suspected that his mom, her gma would have told him. Gma seems to mostly approve teen living with me and is sort of a stabilizing influence. Unfortunately she houses a grown up cousin who is one of teen's abusers so gma is complicated bc she's aware of the abuse.

Anyway, dad told teen he understands why she got out of living with nut. I'd been telling teen he needs to know. Now teen is proud of herself for getting to him first before/if nut tries to tell him a sob story. I told her I was proud of her too and will start encouraging her to let gma know that he knows bc I'm sure they talk and I think gma could continue to be an ally.

When we were on college visit weekend, teen made a point to call gma and tell her all about it over speaker. Gma made a point to tell me thank you for helping make college dreams come true for her smart baby. Made me tear up.

Nut and dad are still officially married bc neither one has bothered to file. I think they were officially done before teen was born bc I found child support case online a few days after her birth date. They've both dated multiple other people for yrs and teen says they hate each other.

[azucena]

Gotta get some sleep.

Teen sings in hs praise band at our new church today. She's one of 3 singers doing 3 songs. Last night she said please sit in the front row so I can look at you when I'm nervous. Be still my heart!! ❤️ 💙 💜

[giramomma]

Az- is it possible for you to get teen a phone and she uses her current one for her family of origin, and that's it?

I'm telling you, me having a mom phone is a godsend. When I can't, dh reads the messages and gives me the cliff notes.

The couple bucks a month (I got a $50 phone and the line is free because MPL alerted me to a Ting special where you get a second line for free)...well, it's literally a small price to pay for space that in turn supports my mental/emotional health. 

[giramomma]

We had a transformer or something go off at midnight last night. Big boom. Lost power for a bit. Of course, no news covered what happened on a timely basis. So I was up all night worrying. 

(DH is presently not home and I know this is old fashioned, but I always feel better being home alone with DD1 and the missy when someone with a penis was around).

I am tired.

I am still very angry. I'm going to have to double down on being more careful about being on devices when I'm too tired for anything else.

Now, I guess people want cookies for deciding that *now* is the time that they should start thinking beyond themselves and think about the community in which they live.

Sorry. I don't reward folks for doing what they should have been doing all along. I still refuse to congratulate DH for his sobriety efforts. I know it's hard. So what. He should be sober.  I did tell DS I was proud when he graduated HS. That's the ONLY time he got one positive word from me in high school regarding his efforts. I mean. I'm sorry, but doing what you are supposed to-that's bare minimum. No, doing your work and turning it in is not praiseworthy. 

When did being a good person move from bare minimum to over and above behavior that must be rewarded?

[daisylu]

Nov 10, 2024 5:50:42 GMT -5 azucena said:

Gotta get some sleep.

Teen sings in hs praise band at our new church today. She's one of 3 singers doing 3 songs. Last night she said please sit in the front row so I can look at you when I'm nervous. Be still my heart!! ❤️ 💙 💜

I case no one has told you this week/month/year you are an exceptional human being. 

[daisylu]

Nov 10, 2024 8:31:37 GMT -5 giramomma said:

We had a transformer or something go off at midnight last night. Big boom. Lost power for a bit. Of course, no news covered what happened on a timely basis. So I was up all night worrying. 

(DH is presently not home and I know this is old fashioned, but I always feel better being home alone with DD1 and the missy when someone with a penis was around).

I am tired.

I am still very angry. I'm going to have to double down on being more careful about being on devices when I'm too tired for anything else.

Now, I guess people want cookies for deciding that *now* is the time that they should start thinking beyond themselves and think about the community in which they live.

Sorry. I don't reward folks for doing what they should have been doing all along. I still refuse to congratulate DH for his sobriety efforts. I know it's hard. So what. He should be sober.  I did tell DS I was proud when he graduated HS. That's the ONLY time he got one positive word from me in high school regarding his efforts. I mean. I'm sorry, but doing what you are supposed to-that's bare minimum. No, doing your work and turning it in is not praiseworthy. 

When did being a good person move from bare minimum to over and above behavior that must be rewarded?

This surprises me about you. And what follows in the rest of the post also seems to contradict that behavior. 

[azucena]

Nov 10, 2024 8:17:54 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Az- is it possible for you to get teen a phone and she uses her current one for her family of origin, and that's it?

I'm telling you, me having a mom phone is a godsend. When I can't, dh reads the messages and gives me the cliff notes.

The couple bucks a month (I got a $50 phone and the line is free because MPL alerted me to a Ting special where you get a second line for free)...well, it's literally a small price to pay for space that in turn supports my mental/emotional health. 

That is a great idea and we actually have a cheap spare phone that we got for her in Feb when he dad went to jail and stopped paying her phone bill.

I'll suggest it when I find the right time. Timing is key for most teen convos but even more so for her.

[azucena]

Nov 10, 2024 8:45:38 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 10, 2024 5:50:42 GMT -5 azucena said:

Gotta get some sleep.

Teen sings in hs praise band at our new church today. She's one of 3 singers doing 3 songs. Last night she said please sit in the front row so I can look at you when I'm nervous. Be still my heart!! ❤️ 💙 💜

I case no one has told you this week/month/year you are an exceptional human being. 

Thanks! To be clear I'm sharing our story to process and also to bring light to how messed up social services are and hopefully to bring home a success story.

Fwiw, every few days teen has taken to asking "who raised you, I gotta tell them mad thanks". I always answer my mama and she giggles and says I have her number. I know at least twice she's texted my mama to truly say thanks. Other times my mom just texts her to check in, encourage or send silly gifts.

It's made me realize how much I watched my mom fight for and help the underdogs she's come across in life. She's also been my key support in the endeavor and readily accepted teen in every way.

I've been teasing teen for a month who knows what white gma might get you for your bday. Way back in March, my mom took teen shopping and teen slipped an I love MILFs shirt into the cart. Mom didn't know what it meant and my siblings and I still can't stop laughing.

[andi9899]

Nov 9, 2024 17:52:27 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Going to see my aunt. She's not expected to make it through the weekend. I tried calling my cousin and he didn't answer so I hope I'm not too late.

I was not too late, but she is not longer able to talk. She is basically just sleeping all the time. It won't be long.

[andi9899]

Nov 9, 2024 18:27:34 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Here's my crabby paddy PSA: If you live within a 5 minute walk of a venue that will draw a good amount of people, please let the parents know that there is an event in the venue in the invite that you send out.

And, also, how can college kids afford tablets, computers, and studying at a coffee shop? I paid 4.50 for a small chai. I didn't even look to see how expensive meals were. 

I didn't study at a coffee shop more than a couple times a month. No meals. 

There is a theater across the street from my boxing gym. I hate when there is an event there. There is absolutely no parking and getting in and out is such a PITA.

Also, the gym is attached to "luxury" apartments. Give me a break. It's in the ghetto. You can call them luxury all you want, but I still wouldn't walk around there by myself at night. And they're so expensive! I don't understand how people can afford to live there. Also, why would you want to pay $$$ to live there and still have to deal with crackheads wandering around and people trying to jack you.

[jerseygirl]

Enjoying the quiet after our 10 family including a 16 month old went home
Great fun and happiness to have them here
But don’t know how old time parents took care of 10-12 kids!!

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 10, 2024 10:05:05 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 9, 2024 17:52:27 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Going to see my aunt. She's not expected to make it through the weekend. I tried calling my cousin and he didn't answer so I hope I'm not too late.

I was not too late, but she is not longer able to talk. She is basically just sleeping all the time. It won't be long.

[seriousthistime]

Nov 9, 2024 22:32:29 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 9, 2024 21:43:07 GMT -5 aricia said:

You don’t need to find another place in the house you’re comfortable sleeping, he does. His son is coming over, his daughter’s room is available, he can figure out how to make it work and deal with the consequences. You need to go to work and make money, he can facilitate you getting sleep. If this would be a battle and it’s not worth fighting, that’s totally understandable, but it wouldn’t be unreasonable to make it HIS problem.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 

It IS a battle worth fighting because I have so much going on with my mental and physical health these days, that it really does matter that I be able to get as much sleep as I can, given I already had insomnia issues for years before all this other shit started, and lack of sleep just makes it all even worse now.

YD spent the night with her boyfriend last night, so somebody (not me!) actually could’ve slept in her bed last night. I feel like Kiddo should have his own space and some consistency in our household, so in my mind, Mister could’ve slept in there if it really matters to him like he claims it does, that I function how he wants me to, including going to work. But we never know when YD is going to be here or not, coming home for the night or not, so that is why that is not an option, besides the fact that her bedroom is sacred (I should probably use another word, but I can’t think of one right now) and always has been, even when she was away at college. Her bedroom and bed have always been off limits, even when she was hundreds of miles away at college and we had more people in our home than beds, including when Mister’s Dad was here. 

Even though I was angry enough a couple nights ago to tell Mister to get tf out of our bedroom so I could go to sleep after I was done arguing with with him, some things have happened that make me not feel like this is “our” house, like it was really supposed to be. It is his house, I just live here. I do fight about things regarding it being my home, but I have accepted that it’s his house and not ours, and that I made some mistakes moving here with him. 

So the bottom line is that I really can’t tell him where he has to sleep in his house. I can raise hell, and do when I feel like I have to, but the reality is that it’s his house and he can sleep wherever he wants to. If certain beds are off limits and he is okay with that, there is really nothing I can do about that. 

So imma just say that there is a saying that the left hand doesn’t need to let the right hand know what it’s doing. That can work for good or bad. I’m not the kind of person to mistreat anyone or try to get over on them. I really do try to treat people the way I’d want them to treat me. But I’m also not the dummy some people think I am when they mistake my kindness for stupidity. I am also not so evolved yet, despite my best efforts to be the best me that I can be, that I won’t play chess when people insist on trying me and playing checkers. And that’s all imma say on that. 

The bolded part brings to mind your mother's appointment to see the senior apartment.  Did she ever do that? 

[giramomma]

Nov 10, 2024 8:55:37 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 10, 2024 8:31:37 GMT -5 giramomma said:

We had a transformer or something go off at midnight last night. Big boom. Lost power for a bit. Of course, no news covered what happened on a timely basis. So I was up all night worrying. 

(DH is presently not home and I know this is old fashioned, but I always feel better being home alone with DD1 and the missy when someone with a penis was around).

I am tired.

I am still very angry. I'm going to have to double down on being more careful about being on devices when I'm too tired for anything else.

Now, I guess people want cookies for deciding that *now* is the time that they should start thinking beyond themselves and think about the community in which they live.

Sorry. I don't reward folks for doing what they should have been doing all along. I still refuse to congratulate DH for his sobriety efforts. I know it's hard. So what. He should be sober.  I did tell DS I was proud when he graduated HS. That's the ONLY time he got one positive word from me in high school regarding his efforts. I mean. I'm sorry, but doing what you are supposed to-that's bare minimum. No, doing your work and turning it in is not praiseworthy. 

When did being a good person move from bare minimum to over and above behavior that must be rewarded?

This surprises me about you. And what follows in the rest of the post also seems to contradict that behavior. 

I know. Humans are delightfully weird, aren't they.

Given that we had a high speed chase nearly through our back yard a few weeks ago around lunchtime,, and there's been increased gun violence at all hours, When you hear a boom like that, at midnight, it makes me feel better if there's a man around. I mean, a 7 year old doesn't offer much in terms of a second pair of hands incase things go awry.

I also was concerned about the possibility of a fire somewhere. With another legal person around, I would have felt a little better about checking things out.

I double checked all the locks, etc.  I checked the news religiously for about 2 hours. And, when the missy got scared, i tended right to her and got her back to sleep. So, I'm not sure what I didn't do, in terms doing what I needed to.
 
There are some things, I prefer to lean into someone else to help out. I think that's part of being in relationships with others. 

I guess, I also don't see how my desire of wanting comfort was exactly like DS's desire to do nothing in class other than breathe and joke with friends? I texted DH and let him know what happened and that I was struggling. And then I went to bed.  And then I woke up and started tending to the missy.

I don't know how that's exactly like failing a full year of high school because you just couldn't be bothered. I'm also tired, because I haven't been sleeping. ...

 

[seriousthistime]

Nov 8, 2024 21:25:09 GMT -5 bean29 said:

So, someone here mentioned using a black light flashlight to see where their dog peed, so I added one to my Amazon order. I just walked in my closet, and I thought, smells like pee. Went and got black light flashlight and added batteries. The Damn Puppy is peeing all over my closet and all around the ironing board we have up in our bedroom.

Waiting for DH to get home with the dogs. He is going to be so mad. He brought this dog home w/o consulting me, so it is all on him.

I paid about $35 for a spray bottle of a product called My Pet Peed. It is great for removing organic odors and stains of any kind, including blood, red wine, vomit, and of course pee. 

My little dog gets an upset stomach sometimes, and vomits bright yellow stomach acid.  I just blot up what I can and spray it with My Pet Peed.  When it dries there's no stain or odor and there's also no ring or water mark to show the area of the cleanup. 

When I bought it you could order it direct from the company or from Amazon.