what are you doing right now?

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Nov 7, 2024 9:35:14 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 7, 2024 9:12:25 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

I am certainly not the boss of this thread. But this is NOT the political thread.
Please stop.

I get that and am trying to stay away because of it. But will say that it doesn't feel like politics to me. It's decisions about the kids school and friends. It's who do I feel comfortable having in my home - aka Thanksgiving invites. It's navigating coworkers. All the things I posted about here on Monday and before and everyone was OK with.

I know that people need an escape and I respect that. But not everyone can escape.

Expressing feelings without delving into politics is legitimate.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Nov 7, 2024 11:34:28 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

My Kitchen Aid stand mixer is broken at the moment.  I need my son to look at it and see if it can be fixed.  I'd like to avoid spending another $300+ on  a new one.  It's about 30 years old, but they built them to last way back then.  In contrast, DS and DDIL are on their third one.

So for Thanksgiving I'm going to use Ina Garten's trick for mashed potatoes. Buy Bob Evans mashed potatoes and doctor them up with Parmesan and sour cream. This even appeared in The NY Times and people say it's delicious. 

toomuchreality , I hear you on the proper place for political posts.  But most of the posts here are about how people are feeling and dealing with the aftermath.  They are not so much talking about the merits of this candidate vs. that candidate.  I think this thread is an appropriate place to talk about feelings.  JMHO. 

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

We have 3 paychecks this month, so I am dropping 1K on the mortgage principle.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 7, 2024 11:34:28 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

My Kitchen Aid stand mixer is broken at the moment.  I need my son to look at it and see if it can be fixed.  I'd like to avoid spending another $300+ on  a new one.  It's about 30 years old, but they built them to last way back then.  In contrast, DS and DDIL are on their third one.

So for Thanksgiving I'm going to use Ina Garten's trick for mashed potatoes. Buy Bob Evans mashed potatoes and doctor them up with Parmesan and sour cream. This even appeared in The NY Times and people say it's delicious. 

toomuchreality , I hear you on the proper place for political posts.  But most of the posts here are about how people are feeling and dealing with the aftermath.  They are not so much talking about the merits of this candidate vs. that candidate.  I think this thread is an appropriate place to talk about feelings.  JMHO. 

Another thing you can try is to cook the potatoes in half and half.  This is what I do over the holidays, as it’s really indulgent.  After the potatoes are soft, add the half and half back to the potatoes as you mash them.  It won’t take all the half and half, but OMG are these good!

I was listening to a Michelin starred chef tease this out.  He said his mashed were good, but not great.  He then reasoned that by boiling potatoes, the potatoes lost flavor when he tossed the water.  That’s when he decided to cook his potatoes in half and half and return the flavor.  This made sense to me, so I started doing this.  It turned my MIL into a convert…..and she hates mashed potatoes!  

[NastyWoman]

Nov 7, 2024 11:47:37 GMT -5 swamp said:

Nov 7, 2024 10:02:03 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

We had another discussion in our house last night with Gwen about not having sex as a teen.   Usually my stance on that is if you are going to be smart about it but with all this going on I went to straight just don't have it it's not worth the risk.  You'll be stuck with that 18 year old dipshit the rest of your life.

I've also had private conversations with her that if something WERE to happen to come to me and I'll do whatever I can to get her access to the help she needs.   Nobody else needs to know including DH if that is what she wants.   I also put my foot down with DH that is not his decision because there is zero impact on him.  He can have his opinion but he can also shove it he doesn't get an actual vote. I will go against him and not care about the consequences to our marriage.

At the moment both of them have decided they aren't having kids.  Which is insane to me that a 14 year old and 10 year old are having to weigh the risks of miscarriage in a red state.

your imaginary friend in NY who also has easy access to canada is always here for you. 

And while my home is just a 2bdr condo there is a place for you and DD if needed as long as I am here in California. We will make that work.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 7, 2024 11:47:37 GMT -5 swamp said:

Nov 7, 2024 10:02:03 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

We had another discussion in our house last night with Gwen about not having sex as a teen.   Usually my stance on that is if you are going to be smart about it but with all this going on I went to straight just don't have it it's not worth the risk.  You'll be stuck with that 18 year old dipshit the rest of your life.

I've also had private conversations with her that if something WERE to happen to come to me and I'll do whatever I can to get her access to the help she needs.   Nobody else needs to know including DH if that is what she wants.   I also put my foot down with DH that is not his decision because there is zero impact on him.  He can have his opinion but he can also shove it he doesn't get an actual vote. I will go against him and not care about the consequences to our marriage.

At the moment both of them have decided they aren't having kids.  Which is insane to me that a 14 year old and 10 year old are having to weigh the risks of miscarriage in a red state.

your imaginary friend in NY who also has easy access to canada is always here for you. 

Ditto in WA.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 7, 2024 12:46:13 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Nov 7, 2024 9:35:14 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I get that and am trying to stay away because of it. But will say that it doesn't feel like politics to me. It's decisions about the kids school and friends. It's who do I feel comfortable having in my home - aka Thanksgiving invites. It's navigating coworkers. All the things I posted about here on Monday and before and everyone was OK with.

I know that people need an escape and I respect that. But not everyone can escape.

Expressing feelings without delving into politics is legitimate.

I get that people are overwhelmed and trying to get away from it too though.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Nov 7, 2024 13:09:26 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 7, 2024 12:46:13 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Expressing feelings without delving into politics is legitimate.

I get that people are overwhelmed and trying to get away from it too though.

I was agreeing with you! 

[raeoflyte]

Nov 7, 2024 13:18:59 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Nov 7, 2024 13:09:26 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I get that people are overwhelmed and trying to get away from it too though.

I was agreeing with you! 

I know you were.

I just wanted to clarify that I get why people would like if the conversation could be separate from this thread.

[gs11rmb]

Nov 7, 2024 11:37:41 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 7, 2024 11:19:21 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

minnesotapaintlady do you think you'll tell her or would that make things worse?

No point in telling her.  It's not going to change her way of thinking.

I wasn't thinking that it would make her change her mind just would it make her shut her mouth? 

I'm not in that situation but I think that if my kids or grandkids felt so strongly about something that I disagreed with I would rather just avoid the subject altogether to ensure that I got to maintain contact with them on a regular basis.

[giramomma]

Nov 7, 2024 8:31:50 GMT -5 azucena said:

Nov 7, 2024 7:18:29 GMT -5 giramomma said:

And I am really shocked at how committed  I am to ha omg dd1 get to a state where I'm issue will receive medical care. 

FWIW, My teens are focused on IL as a blue beacon of hope. Have to be central or further north though to escape the reddest parts.

yup we looked at the flagship. i think mn will also be a serious choice.

we may be looking at the pnw as well.

it kills me that i will likely have to lose her
so she has a chance at a better life. No one has yet explained to me why it's fair. i would like one rational -meaning based on actual facts and not scripture- explanation on how it is fair.

[giramomma]

Nov 7, 2024 8:18:01 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

A friend sits on the board of a food pantry so we made a donation there.

Less social media and more time spent on other things will be good for me.

i'm done donating food.

i will only volunteer or do caring acts if my children directly benefit.

people can either starve or figure out how to work three jobs like i had to when we had a bad financial time. or they can ask family to support them. or they can live off what the feds provide.

i don't care. i doubt i'll care again for a long time.

i've spent 20 years making the community a better place. spoiler alert...it's not getting better.

we all know the definition of insanity. so i'm not doing thr
same thing anymore.

[steph08]

Nov 7, 2024 12:38:00 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I've been good - just trying to navigate life with a husband again (after many years of living alone) and a teen. I've been telling myself I need to get more involved in local causes and volunteer more, but after Tuesday I'm even more determined to do so. I stepped up volunteering with my son's 4H group last month, but I need to do more. WE need to do more. As long as we're stuck here (in NJ... hell, in the US period) we need to share our blessings. Things are going to be rough for a lot of folks, and we need to figure out how to re-create community ASAP. DH and I have been floating the idea of moving abroad after DS is finished with school/college, but we aren't sure where yet. His family is Eastern European, and we're planning to take a 8-9 day European vacation next year. I'm definitely going to be looking around and taking mental notes.

A few months ago, mich mentioned citizenship by descent and Schengen countries, so I was casually looking into it. I believe I could get Croatian citizenship on my grandad's side. I think Polish on my grandma's side, but the dates don't match up exactly (but people say those are more guidelines than actual rules ). 

My brother mentioned it to me yesterday out of the blue! I had mentioned it to my dad, so I don't know if my dad told my brother, but if he didn't, I guess we are on the same wave length. Except Croatia just implemented a two-month conscription for all males, and he has a son in addition to his daughter (I just have two girls). So, there's things to think about.

You might want to look into your DH's ancestry to see if he (and by extension, you as his spouse) would qualify.

[soupandstew]

Called author at 8 as planned-he thought appointment was tomorrow but I corrected that and he came at 9:30.  It's a complete re-do of the whole document and I told him I would shoot for first of the year but no guarantees.  I will need to buy several reams of paper this weekend.  

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 7, 2024 13:45:50 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Nov 7, 2024 11:37:41 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

No point in telling her.  It's not going to change her way of thinking.

I wasn't thinking that it would make her change her mind just would it make her shut her mouth? 

I'm not in that situation but I think that if my kids or grandkids felt so strongly about something that I disagreed with I would rather just avoid the subject altogether to ensure that I got to maintain contact with them on a regular basis.

It's hard to explain, but it's not really about what is being said anymore. We've had a "no politics" rule at our holidays for years so it's not very often anything overtly comes up. When it does I will literally tell her, "Ok, we're leaving now", and we will, so she knows.  It's more subtle than that. It's just knowing that someone really doesn't accept who you are or what you believe. Even if they're not saying something outwardly about it, you don't feel comfortable with them, and frankly, he wants to spend time with his grandmas that ooze unconditional love.

Like I said, he respects my mother and treats her nicely, he just doesn't want to go out of his way to spend time with her. Her loss, because he's a pretty fun guy.

[gs11rmb]

minnesotapaintlady that's really sad but it's completely understandable; I know I prefer to be around people that make me feel accepted and wanted.  It does sound like your mother is missing out on a lot.  

[NastyWoman]

Nov 7, 2024 13:59:15 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Nov 7, 2024 12:38:00 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I've been good - just trying to navigate life with a husband again (after many years of living alone) and a teen. I've been telling myself I need to get more involved in local causes and volunteer more, but after Tuesday I'm even more determined to do so. I stepped up volunteering with my son's 4H group last month, but I need to do more. WE need to do more. As long as we're stuck here (in NJ... hell, in the US period) we need to share our blessings. Things are going to be rough for a lot of folks, and we need to figure out how to re-create community ASAP. DH and I have been floating the idea of moving abroad after DS is finished with school/college, but we aren't sure where yet. His family is Eastern European, and we're planning to take a 8-9 day European vacation next year. I'm definitely going to be looking around and taking mental notes.

A few months ago, mich mentioned citizenship by descent and Schengen countries, so I was casually looking into it. I believe I could get Croatian citizenship on my grandad's side. I think Polish on my grandma's side, but the dates don't match up exactly (but people say those are more guidelines than actual rules ). 

My brother mentioned it to me yesterday out of the blue! I had mentioned it to my dad, so I don't know if my dad told my brother, but if he didn't, I guess we are on the same wave length. Except Croatia just implemented a two-month conscription for all males, and he has a son in addition to his daughter (I just have two girls). So, there's things to think about.

You might want to look into your DH's ancestry to see if he (and by extension, you as his spouse) would qualify.

Mich was looking at Ireland which, while part of the EU, is not (yet) a Schengen country. Croatia on the other hand is part of both. Now I don't know how conscription works if you ate a citizen but NOT a resident of Croatia. Your brother might want to look into that if he is serious about moving. His Croatian citizenship would give him a large choice of countries to live in while possibly avoiding the conscription issue. As I said I don't know if that is possible but it would be worth looking into. I just wouldn't tell any Croatian official of that plan before I had my passports in hand LOL

[finnime]

My DD and DS would both like very much for me to pursue Finnish citizenship. I am eligible. I think it may be a good idea at this point.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 7, 2024 14:20:21 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

minnesotapaintlady that's really sad but it's completely understandable; I know I prefer to be around people that make me feel accepted and wanted.  It does sound like your mother is missing out on a lot.  

I don't even know what the solution is because it's not fair to say she has to change her belief system either. So we accept her as she is and just limit contact. 

[MJ2.0]

Nov 7, 2024 13:59:15 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Nov 7, 2024 12:38:00 GMT -5 MJ2.0 said:

I've been good - just trying to navigate life with a husband again (after many years of living alone) and a teen. I've been telling myself I need to get more involved in local causes and volunteer more, but after Tuesday I'm even more determined to do so. I stepped up volunteering with my son's 4H group last month, but I need to do more. WE need to do more. As long as we're stuck here (in NJ... hell, in the US period) we need to share our blessings. Things are going to be rough for a lot of folks, and we need to figure out how to re-create community ASAP. DH and I have been floating the idea of moving abroad after DS is finished with school/college, but we aren't sure where yet. His family is Eastern European, and we're planning to take a 8-9 day European vacation next year. I'm definitely going to be looking around and taking mental notes.

A few months ago, mich mentioned citizenship by descent and Schengen countries, so I was casually looking into it. I believe I could get Croatian citizenship on my grandad's side. I think Polish on my grandma's side, but the dates don't match up exactly (but people say those are more guidelines than actual rules ). 

My brother mentioned it to me yesterday out of the blue! I had mentioned it to my dad, so I don't know if my dad told my brother, but if he didn't, I guess we are on the same wave length. Except Croatia just implemented a two-month conscription for all males, and he has a son in addition to his daughter (I just have two girls). So, there's things to think about.

You might want to look into your DH's ancestry to see if he (and by extension, you as his spouse) would qualify.

He was born in Hungary and moved to the US when he was 10-12, so I believe he'd have dual citizenship. Both parents are Hungarian and so is almost all of his extended family. Most of them are still there. We plan to visit them. I have a lot of Duolingo to catch up on.

[azucena]

Nov 7, 2024 14:34:50 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 7, 2024 14:20:21 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

minnesotapaintlady that's really sad but it's completely understandable; I know I prefer to be around people that make me feel accepted and wanted.  It does sound like your mother is missing out on a lot.  

I don't even know what the solution is because it's not fair to say she has to change her belief system either. So we accept her as she is and just limit contact. 

Respectfully, this is where I think your DS and my teens would challenge our sandwich generation. It's okay not to tolerate the older generation's belief system when it devalues people or others them.

[lurkyloo]

Nov 7, 2024 14:13:52 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 7, 2024 13:45:50 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I wasn't thinking that it would make her change her mind just would it make her shut her mouth? 

I'm not in that situation but I think that if my kids or grandkids felt so strongly about something that I disagreed with I would rather just avoid the subject altogether to ensure that I got to maintain contact with them on a regular basis.

It's hard to explain, but it's not really about what is being said anymore. We've had a "no politics" rule at our holidays for years so it's not very often anything overtly comes up. When it does I will literally tell her, "Ok, we're leaving now", and we will, so she knows.  It's more subtle than that. It's just knowing that someone really doesn't accept who you are or what you believe. Even if they're not saying something outwardly about it, you don't feel comfortable with them, and frankly, he wants to spend time with his grandmas that ooze unconditional love.

Like I said, he respects my mother and treats her nicely, he just doesn't want to go out of his way to spend time with her. Her loss, because he's a pretty fun guy.

Sounds quite a bit like my MIL.  
She pretends to love her kids/grandkid but it doesn’t come across as real.  
I have excused myself from further interactions with MIL and FIL both for the foreseeable future, with DH’s full support.

Edit:  although ironically her father came over from Italy so that’s probably our best bet at claiming European citizenship.  

[raeoflyte]

Nov 7, 2024 14:34:50 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 7, 2024 14:20:21 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

minnesotapaintlady that's really sad but it's completely understandable; I know I prefer to be around people that make me feel accepted and wanted.  It does sound like your mother is missing out on a lot.  

I don't even know what the solution is because it's not fair to say she has to change her belief system either. So we accept her as she is and just limit contact. 

Also fair to say he chooses to prioritize his time with people who he feels accept him wholly/are safe for him etc.

She still won't get it. But I'm looking at that too and wondering if holding on to these superficial relationships is helping or hurting. I don't trust them. Not sure what they think about me.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 7, 2024 14:40:29 GMT -5 azucena said:

Nov 7, 2024 14:34:50 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I don't even know what the solution is because it's not fair to say she has to change her belief system either. So we accept her as she is and just limit contact. 

Respectfully, this is where I think your DS and my teens would challenge our sandwich generation. It's okay not to tolerate the older generation's belief system when it devalues people or others them.

But how would not tolerating her belief system play out in a real world scenario?  Cut off contact 100%? The whole "you are dead to me" thing? I don't know how this would be better for either of them. She does love him and does so much for him and wants the best for him.

It's so complicated.

[greenthumb59]

Nov 7, 2024 14:34:42 GMT -5 finnime said:

My DD and DS would both like very much for me to pursue Finnish citizenship. I am eligible. I think it may be a good idea at this point.

My DS2 is already pursuing German citizenship.  He is really encouraging me to go for it.  I have all the German docs.  I would only need the FBI background check to get started.

[gs11rmb]

Once again I want to petition the board for an "I care" reaction symbol.

[azucena]

Nov 7, 2024 14:50:18 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 7, 2024 14:40:29 GMT -5 azucena said:

Respectfully, this is where I think your DS and my teens would challenge our sandwich generation. It's okay not to tolerate the older generation's belief system when it devalues people or others them.

But how would not tolerating her belief system play out in a real world scenario?  Cut off contact 100%? The whole "you are dead to me" thing? I don't know how this would be better for either of them. She does love him and does so much for him and wants the best for him.

It's so complicated.

Not pretending I have the answers because it is so, so complicated. In this case, I think it means following your DS lead and limiting contact esp when it's a choice between spending time with her vs him spending time with someone who is actively building up his entire being.

Borrowing from Rae's word choice, choosing healthy relationships over superficial ones.

[soupandstew]

I am still processing and working to separate feelings from facts to allow for meaningful planning.  DH and I have talked a bit about what impacts we might feel in our lives going forward.  Our ages and funds insulate us from some but not all concerns. At this time the future still remains quite clouded as it will be a time before things like changes in the tax code, SS, and Medicare wind their way through the system and become effective.  

As the younger spouse I may see reductions in SS and/or Medicare benefits that he won't if I survive him.  I suspect that we both will see a growth in Medicare premiums, copays, deductibles and such to shift more of the healthcare burden to covered individuals.  Although many will not agree, I am glad we have LTC insurance as I fear Medicaid funding for nursing home care will be heavily cut.  I think many of the new administration's financial ideas will encourage inflation which will, of course, be reflect in higher costs.  Tariffs will certainly add to our monthly expenses. I'm glad we bought our new cars when we did because even a 10% tariff would add to their cost substantially.   I did tell DH to expect his 2025 RMD (and subsequent income taxes) to be larger because of the market run-up.

Some of the greatest impacts on our lives will likely come from state legislation enacted in the next session. I expect to face more challenges in banking, voting, home buying, and more as our legislature creates new bills.

As several have said, it's very hard to people right now because I look around and wonder which ones want to diminish my rights because of my ethnic origin or my gender.  I need to get a shirt "Caution!  Contents are toxic and unsuitable for human consumption."  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 7, 2024 15:24:27 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I am still processing and working to separate feelings from facts to allow for meaningful planning.  DH and I have talked a bit about what impacts we might feel in our lives going forward.  Our ages and funds insulate us from some but not all concerns. At this time the future still remains quite clouded as it will be a time before things like changes in the tax code, SS, and Medicare wind their way through the system and become effective.  

As the younger spouse I may see reductions in SS and/or Medicare benefits that he won't if I survive him.  I suspect that we both will see a growth in Medicare premiums, copays, deductibles and such to shift more of the healthcare burden to covered individuals.  Although many will not agree, I am glad we have LTC insurance as I fear Medicaid funding for nursing home care will be heavily cut.  I think many of the new administration's financial ideas will encourage inflation which will, of course, be reflect in higher costs.  Tariffs will certainly add to our monthly expenses. I'm glad we bought our new cars when we did because even a 10% tariff would add to their cost substantially.   I did tell DH to expect his 2025 RMD (and subsequent income taxes) to be larger because of the market run-up.

Some of the greatest impacts on our lives will likely come from state legislation enacted in the next session. I expect to face more challenges in banking, voting, home buying, and more as our legislature creates new bills.

As several have said, it's very hard to people right now because I look around and wonder which ones want to diminish my rights because of my ethnic origin or my gender.  I need to get a shirt "Caution!  Contents are toxic and unsuitable for human consumption."  

If I wouldn't have gotten fired for it I REALLY wanted to wear my "There it goes my last flying fuck" T-shirt yesterday to work.  Feels extremely appropriate.  Probably will wear it this weekend.

[MJ2.0]

Nov 7, 2024 13:56:47 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 7, 2024 8:18:01 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

A friend sits on the board of a food pantry so we made a donation there.

Less social media and more time spent on other things will be good for me.

i'm done donating food.

i will only volunteer or do caring acts if my children directly benefit.

people can either starve or figure out how to work three jobs like i had to when we had a bad financial time. or they can ask family to support them. or they can live off what the feds provide.

i don't care. i doubt i'll care again for a long time.

i've spent 20 years making the community a better place. spoiler alert...it's not getting better.

we all know the definition of insanity. so i'm not doing thr
same thing anymore.

you are such a fighter and a good person, and I hate that good people like you are numb to it now. I hate what everything has become. But I completely understand your desire to just focus on your immediate family. I was spiraling a little yesterday morning, and DH reassured me that he comes from scrappy stock and that we will be just fine (several members of his family in Hungary are very wealthy businesspeople who did whatever they needed to do to succeed). I'm glad I have him every day.