what are you doing right now?

[daisylu]

Nov 4, 2024 21:29:43 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Nov 4, 2024 21:02:23 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Soup does the old author live with anyone? If do you could mail a printed copy of a page or 2 to him. The person could show or give it to him
Or probably best to just take his call, and say you don’t have time anymore

No, he lives alone.  He has an older brother (mid-80's) in the area but his children live on the East and West coasts.  

I think you are right in that just saying I don't have time may be the cleanest way to cut ties. I do have a copy of the thumb drives containing all his writings because at some point I want to swap my desktop computer for my laptop and ditch the $100/year cloud backup I've kept for decades because of his writings and my volunteer commitments.   

At this point I would send everything digitally and cut ties. You have done more than enough - we can't save the whole world. Will he really notice if you stop taking his calls? It sounds like he is far gone enough that he does not even set appointment reminders. I would keep the thumb drives just in case something comes up one day while his estate is being settled.

[busymom]

Nov 5, 2024 7:56:53 GMT -5 greenthumb59 said:

Good Morning everyone!  I am praying for our country today.  Praying for common sense from my fellow Americans to prevail.

     Me too!  Sadly, I'm not sure logic & common sense is enough, but I pray it is. 

[daisylu]

Nov 5, 2024 0:12:59 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mister cooked sides when he got home from work, to go with the roast he put in the slow cooker before he went to work this morning.

I cleaned the kitchen even though I didn’t eat (my stomach is still acting up), just because it needed cleaning and I don’t mind cleaning when somebody else cooks a meal to share with me.

I got irritated when I was putting the food away, because I don’t like pots and pans in the refrigerator, which is why I have glass containers to put leftovers in. I replaced my plastic containers with glass containers, before I even met Mister, when I was trying to sort out some health issues I was having at the time, and trying to reduce my exposure to chemicals and plastic. I got irritated tonight because trying to find appropriate sized containers for the food reminded me of how many of my glass containers have disappeared since I moved here. 

It really wasn’t worth getting irritated about, but I couldn’t help myself. I say it wasn’t worth gettin irritated about, because the glass food containers disappearing was one of the things that led to the last big, awful blow up between Mister and his daughters. OD had made a big deal about taking some food hime with her in the glass containers instead of the dozens of plastic containers that I am okay with leaving the house. Mister went along with her insisting in taking the glass containers, as long as she agreed to return them the next day. She didn’t return them and that turned into a whole mess that led to the big war. And I didn’t even know anything about any of it until right before the big battle. I’d already noticed before then that some of the containers were missing, but I hadn’t said anything to Mister, I was still checking myself to make sure I wasn’t being an ass, and thinking maybe they were in the refrigerator or something and I just was overlooking them, even though my right mind was saying they were definitely not in the refrigerator, or anywhere in my kitchen. But even though it mattered to me because they were not inexpensive, and everybody knew my rule about them not leaving my house, I hadn’t said anything yet, because I didn’t want to fight about it.

 I had no idea about what was going on with Mister and OD (and YD because she was in OD’s side) when he knew she took some of them from the house and they got into it because she didn’t return them like he asked her to and started arguing with him about it. I didn’t know anything about that until right before everything really blew up. 

But none of that changes the fact that a lot of them are missing, along with a lot of other stuff from my kitchen and some other things in my home. And I’m just a human, so I did get irritated tonight when I was putting the food away tonight and was reminded that many of my glass food containers are missing. 

But Mister already fought that battle about the glass containers when I didn’t even know it, and it led to a war, so I’m not going to fuss about it. 

The “war” was so bad that let me tell it, his daughters chased him all over the driveway and he was running from them when they were trying to put hands on him. In reality though, he just kept backing away from them when they were being physically aggressive. At one point, OD did bump chests with him like men do when they are itching to fight and their Mom grabbed Mister to try to keep him from reacting, and he yelled “Don’t fucking touch me”, and then he ran around some more to avoid them. 

I have never seen anything like that in my life, between a parent and child. My son tried me ONCE, when he was about 16yo and was bigger than me. I stood up when I had been sitting, and was nose to nose with him when I told him that I preferred for us to act like mother and son, instead of acting like strangers in the streets, because I don't fight fair and I’m not scared to fight a man, “but I really don’t want to do that with you, because you’re my child, so I suggest you take your ass in your bedroom and get yourself together and come back and see me after you calm down”. That is what he did, and we never had that kind of problem again. I was and still am grateful that he had enough respect for me to back down and do what I asked him to do even though he was so angry and standing over me with his fists balled up at his side before I stood up and said what I said….. and I really wasn’t sure in that moment what he might do. But I made it clear that I was not intimidated even though he was bigger than me and I would not tolerate that kind of behavior from him. So after he took my advice and went to his bedroom to calm down and get his shit together, he came back and we talked it out. And he never did anything like that again. If he had continued to pose a physical threat to me, that night or after that, one thing for certain and 2 things for sure…… he would’ve had to live somewhere else besides my home, and whatever the laws say, I would’ve just had to go to jail for refusing to live with a child that was willing to fight me. And if I went to jail, I would’ve lost my job, and eventually my house, so the end result would’ve been still the same, even if I lost everything and had nowhere for a physically aggressive child to live with me. 

Anyway, after that night with Mister and his daughters is when I started experiencing symptoms of anxiety regarding his daughters. Even though they are bigger than me, it’s not me being afraid of them. I’m from the hood and I’ve been dealing with people bigger than me fighting me or trying to fight me, for no reason other than they were bullies, since I was in elementary school and I learned to not fight fair. I just don’t want to deal with them because I’m not going to run from them like Mister did, and it’s crazy to me that hurting one of his daughters to defend myself is even a thought. If they are willing to physically assault their DAD, I don’t trust what they might be willing to try to do to me. And that is not the first time they have gotten physical with him. But after what I saw that night, they have become a trigger for what I have learned is anxiety for me, just when they are in my home, even if they aren’t doing anything besides being rude by ignoring my presence. 

I didn’t mean to get into all of that when I started my post, but I did, so whatever, I’m not cleaning it up because everything I wrote is true. 

I remember you posting about that at the time and the "war" that followed. The whole taking the glass containers was just OD asserting her dominance with Mister and when he fought back she got physical - knowing that he would not engage. That is learned behavior. We all recognize that Mister and his daughters have a very dysfunctional relationship, which will not change until he changes it. 

IMO, they were lucky that you keep the plastic containers for people to take outside of the house. I have been to family gatherings where it was clear that if you wanted to take food home you better bring your own containers, because you were not taking Granny's.

[daisylu]

Voted this morning. Our polls open at 6 and a lot of the factory workers (who start work at 7) try to get in during that first hour, so I waited until 7. 10 minute drive each way and was home in half an hour, including a pit stop for a Diet Dr Pepper along the way. Walked into polling with 3 people in line on front of me. The ID scanners were not working, do not get me started on that, so the 3 people in their 80s were having to type in information. Very painful. I was not planning to use my license anyway because it is old and is missing a piece around the "restrictions". You can still read it but some businesses make it an issue so I used my passport. Which was another whole issue because they quiz you on it. My SS card says "******* ******* ********* ******" because my maiden name in is included as my second middle name, but my passport omits my maiden name. 

All that to say, next year I will take the day off and volunteer.

*I was also shocking surprised at the amount of Harris placards (at least 50) vs the amount of Trump (4) at my polling place (very red county!) and even watched a guy pull up and add another next to a Trump sign that was placed near the entrance to polling. That guy has probably been doing it all over the county - he brought his own hammer to drive it into the ground!

ETA - I do not expect to wake up tomorrow and have a result. I expect litigation to follow. The next week will be rough, but I will be in no man's land in the middle of nowhere.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 4, 2024 23:48:48 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Just some musings.

Getting in negative-only interaction spirals blows chunks. Huge chunks.

There's no motivation to try to change when you feel like what you do will never be right/enough. I've spent my whole life not doing things right or being enough in my mother's eyes. I have very little motivation to continue to have a steady diet of that (aka- a relationship with her).

Rather, it is why bother. Which, for the longest time, that's what dad and I did. Why bother? Because when we did try, it was always wrong or not good enough because it wasn't done her way. It was easier to just not do it. At least it was just bitching over not getting any help. You can tune that out. It's harder to tune out that you are a bad person because you leave a measuring cup in the sugar bowl where it doesn't belong or the wash cloth folds are facing the wrong way in the linen closet. 

The measuring cup in the sugar bowl was particularly impactful for me. 1) I really saw how my dad really just was interested in shutting my mother up as the quickest way to get out of the situation. 2) It drove home that assigning blame was the MOST important thing in my mom's eyes and 3) it solidified in my mind that relationships were adversarial. That relationships were about winners and losers. Good people and bad people. Mom wanted to be right. She didn't want to be in a relationship with anyone.

Funny, none of that mattered to dad when he was dying. There literally was no death-bed confession from him about how he should have been better about putting things back where they belonged. His last words to me were not "and make sure those washcloth folds are going the right way." His last words were "I love you." Which, if I can believe my mom, is the gift he only gave to me.

When we needed the peanut to start cooperating, we absolutely had to work to get out of the rut of all of our interactions being negative. Yes, sometimes it felt fake. Yes, sometimes, we had to set the bar so low that she would hit the bar without any effort. Which was ridiculous. It was what it was. We could have insisted that it was all on her to reframe, do better, comply. I'm not sure that would have led to the outcome we were looking for.

We also had to find other ways. Like, even now, sometimes, we'll ask the peanut to do a 10 minutes of chores, and she'll complain. Now, I won't thank her for emptying the dishwasher, but I'll say something like "It was helpful for you to empty the dishwasher, because I can press forward with baking breakfast items and cookies" (things that she values).

We also say things like "X looks nice" when there's been effort, even if it is expected. "Oh, the bathroom looks nice. Oh, the carpet looks nice. I see you spent extra time cleaning around the edges of the sink."

So, it's not a thank you. And it is positive. And it contributes to a more positive environment. Which is a motivator. Or, at least it's not a negative interaction. 

Some days, I'm really quite shocked that DH and I managed to stay together, despite all the shit that we brought to the marriage. My last boyfriend before DH, he couldn't take all the negative interactions. Which is one of the reasons why we broke up. He labeled it as a maturity issue though. I was 19. He was shit, 26/27. I mean, some of it was a maturity thing. Most of it was due to my baggage.

I deleted a part from my post that I think my dh would relate to a lot of what you said and the why behind things is helpful. He's really, really trying to break cycles. The timing is just unfortunate.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 5, 2024 8:44:26 GMT -5 daisylu said:

*I was also shocking surprised at the amount of Harris placards (at least 50) vs the amount of Trump (4) at my polling place (very red county!) and even watched a guy pull up and add another next to a Trump sign that was placed near the entrance to polling. That guy has probably been doing it all over the county - he brought his own hammer to drive it into the ground!

They can put signs up at the polling places there? 

[daisylu]

Nov 5, 2024 8:49:40 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 5, 2024 8:44:26 GMT -5 daisylu said:

*I was also shocking surprised at the amount of Harris placards (at least 50) vs the amount of Trump (4) at my polling place (very red county!) and even watched a guy pull up and add another next to a Trump sign that was placed near the entrance to polling. That guy has probably been doing it all over the county - he brought his own hammer to drive it into the ground!

They can put signs up at the polling places there? 

Outside, yes. There can even be tents/awnings set up with candidates hawking their goods. I effing hate it. There was one setup this morning but where I parked I was able to avoid it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

My MIL wrote all over her containers.  If you had one she knew it and you couldn't deny it because her name was all over it.  It was a running joke if I would find one in the cupboard that his mom was going to sense a disturbance in the force and call DH to yell at him.

 She would also circle the instructions on medicine then write them out again on a piece of paper or on a plastic baggie.  When I went to take cold medicine the other day I told DH how the hell am I supposed to know what dose to take your mom didn't circle the instructions in sharpie.

God I miss that woman. 

[grumpyhermit]

We have a 50ft rule, which is really semantics, as they just camp out at those points and you still have to pass them to get to the polling place. I always skirt around them and just avoid them. I do not want to engage with anyone, even if I more than likely agree with them, when I go to vote. 

[busymom]

Nov 5, 2024 8:51:51 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 5, 2024 8:49:40 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

They can put signs up at the polling places there? 

Outside, yes. There can even be tents/awnings set up with candidates hawking their goods. I effing hate it. There was one setup this morning but where I parked I was able to avoid it.

   Wow, that's illegal here.  

[daisylu]

Nov 5, 2024 8:52:50 GMT -5 grumpyhermit said:

We have a 50ft rule, which is really semantics, as they just camp out at those points and you still have to pass them to get to the polling place. I always skirt around them and just avoid them. I do not want to engage with anyone, even if I more than likely agree with them, when I go to vote. 

Same here. Not 50ft from polling location, 50ft from the entrance.

[daisylu]

Nov 5, 2024 8:54:28 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nov 5, 2024 8:51:51 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Outside, yes. There can even be tents/awnings set up with candidates hawking their goods. I effing hate it. There was one setup this morning but where I parked I was able to avoid it.

   Wow, that's illegal here.  

Should be everywhere, IMO.

ETA - Especially since all that was on ballot was presidential candidates and senators. There was one state amendment as well. 

I hate that there are so many different rules depending on where you live. You would think that with something like elections there would federal guidelines.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 5, 2024 8:51:51 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 5, 2024 8:49:40 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

They can put signs up at the polling places there? 

Outside, yes. There can even be tents/awnings set up with candidates hawking their goods. I effing hate it. There was one setup this morning but where I parked I was able to avoid it.

Wow, that seems crazy to me. Here you aren't even allowed into polling buildings wearing shirts, hats, buttons or whatever with a candidate on it (that's the state rule anyhow, I'm sure there are districts that aren't as strict about it), and there can't be signs placed within 100 feet unless they are on neighboring private property.

[azucena]

In Missouri they only have be 25 feet away from polling entrance. I never really considered that laws on this vary by state. Fascinating.

[daisylu]

Nov 5, 2024 8:59:10 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 5, 2024 8:51:51 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Outside, yes. There can even be tents/awnings set up with candidates hawking their goods. I effing hate it. There was one setup this morning but where I parked I was able to avoid it.

Wow, that seems crazy to me. Here you aren't even allowed into polling buildings wearing shirts, hats, buttons or whatever with a candidate on it (that's the state rule anyhow, I'm sure there are districts that aren't as strict about it), and there can't be signs placed within 100 feet unless they are on neighboring private property.

There are weird rules everywhere. I have seen them make people turn their shirts inside out at this polling place (only during the Obama elections ) and you can not take things inside, but outside they DNGAF.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We have pretty strict poling rules.  Someone was asked to take off their hat when we voted last year and they had a tantrum.  You can't have anything endorsing candidates on when you walk into the polls.

[wvugurl26]

They have to be 100 feet away from the entrances but they just line up at that point. You pretty much have to walk by them to get in from the parking lot where I vote. They set up right beside the sidewalk. We did early voting on a Sunday night at 630pm and there were still a few there. All the way from the 100 foot line to the road is littered with campaign signs.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 5, 2024 8:59:10 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 5, 2024 8:51:51 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Outside, yes. There can even be tents/awnings set up with candidates hawking their goods. I effing hate it. There was one setup this morning but where I parked I was able to avoid it.

Wow, that seems crazy to me. Here you aren't even allowed into polling buildings wearing shirts, hats, buttons or whatever with a candidate on it (that's the state rule anyhow, I'm sure there are districts that aren't as strict about it), and there can't be signs placed within 100 feet unless they are on neighboring private property.

Ds came with me to vote yesterday and zipped up his hoodie because he had a t-shirt on about the atf and Ruby Ridge just in case. I don't even really get his shirt but thought it was a good idea.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 5, 2024 8:56:12 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 5, 2024 8:54:28 GMT -5 busymom said:

   Wow, that's illegal here.  

Should be everywhere, IMO.

ETA - Especially since all that was on ballot was presidential candidates and senators. There was one state amendment as well. 

I hate that there are so many different rules depending on where you live. You would think that with something like elections there would federal guidelines.

There should be federal guidelines on easy voting. I'm appalled at how difficult some people have it. It's never taken me more than 10 minutes to vote and with mail in ballots I hadn't been to a polling place before yesterday in I don't even remember.

[raeoflyte]

I was taking a bath last night and couldn't get the hot water to turn off. Dh eventually did but it was still leaking. When he tried to fix it again it got stuck on full so we had to turn the water off to the house. Hoping a plumber can come today.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 5, 2024 9:06:26 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

They have to be 100 feet away from the entrances but they just line up at that point. You pretty much have to walk by them to get in from the parking lot where I vote. They set up right beside the sidewalk. We did early voting on a Sunday night at 630pm and there were still a few there. All the way from the 100 foot line to the road is littered with campaign signs.

I have never seen anything like that here, but...small town. Our polling place is a small 1800's school in a big park and there is nothing but a sign on the street pointing where to go for voting.  My son's school is also a polling place and the entire campus (about 8 city blocks) is clear of any signs except the big "Vote here" with an arrow one.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 5, 2024 9:15:40 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 5, 2024 9:06:26 GMT -5 wvugurl26 said:

They have to be 100 feet away from the entrances but they just line up at that point. You pretty much have to walk by them to get in from the parking lot where I vote. They set up right beside the sidewalk. We did early voting on a Sunday night at 630pm and there were still a few there. All the way from the 100 foot line to the road is littered with campaign signs.

I have never seen anything like that here, but...small town. Our polling place is a small 1800's school in a big park and there is nothing but a sign on the street pointing where to go for voting.  My son's school is also a polling place and the entire campus (about 8 city blocks) is clear of any signs except the big "Vote here" with an arrow one.

That's the way it is here too although they have the 50 or 100 foot rule from the entrance I've never seen anyone. Polling places used to be in schools but now it's the court house and I voted at the library yesterday.

[Cookies Galore]

I'm a committee person and also an elected member of my borough (town) council. Not only are campaign signs outside the polling place, but me and other volunteers will be outside all day and night. I'm not aggressive with people and don't try to force conversations or my candidates (myself included) on people, but we are there to answer any questions or concerns voters may have about the candidates, we have a full sample ballot on hand so people can look at it before they go in the building, and pretty much just try to be a helpful presence. It's a great way to see my neighbors and chat, too. I also have a poll watcher certificate each election so I can (and will) step in if any of the cult members try any shenanigans.

[greenthumb59]

We early voted at our courthouse.  Candidates have to stay 50 ft away from the entrance.  So they are in the parking lot - all standing next to each other.  I wonder if they talk amongst themselves??  I'm sure it can get awkward.

My DH is currently hiding from me.  He is in the garage.  I had an appointment and errands yesterday afternoon - before these storms hit - and when I got home he was off his ass drunk.  He was supposed to work the polls today too.  I don't even want to look at him today.

[azucena]

Ugh greenthumb.

Remember how I stood in line for 2.75 hours to vote on Sat. Yeah, DH took today off work, rolled out of bed, went to vote and was home in 30 mins. Helps that it's pouring rain, but why does it always seem like slackers sail through life?

ETA - you can bet your patootie that I handed him a chore list when he walked back through the door. I hate that I have to make the list but that's a battle for another day/year. I may have passive/aggressively put pick clothes up off the floor on the list though.

Feeling salty that girls are off school so they each stayed up last night and will be sleeping in until 10 when I have DH wake them and hand them their own chore lists. Expectation is the list takes about an hour, then homework, then they get the rest of the day free. Meanwhile I worked until 9 last night with an hour break for dinner and I've been online since 6. Large client quote due 11/22. I've been lucky that work has been light the past few months particularly as I've been emotionally exhausted dealing with teen.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 5, 2024 9:38:25 GMT -5 greenthumb59 said:

We early voted at our courthouse.  Candidates have to stay 50 ft away from the entrance.  So they are in the parking lot - all standing next to each other.  I wonder if they talk amongst themselves??  I'm sure it can get awkward.

So, is this like one of the only places to vote?  I'm just curious how candidates choose where to hang out.  Or are they just constantly driving around to new ones all day?

Our city is only 26K people and there are 16 polling sites in the city alone. Another 14 in the surrounding townships in the county.

eta: Nevermind.  Just saw it was your early voting place so that explains it being one spot.

[chiver78]

I need to go vote. which means I need to motivate myself to go shower, since that didn't happen yesterday. my polling place got moved since last time, now I only have to go just past the other side of the development. I want to go before the afternoon, bc I plan to be parked on the deck enjoying 70+ degree weather on election day. that's nutty.

I can't remember what exactly our rules are IRT signs and stuff outside polling places, but you definitely cannot wear or bring anything inside. the guy in line in front of me got really loud when he was told he couldn't wear his MAGA hat inside the HS gym to cast his ballot.

I don't have to worry about which way my state will go for the top race, but I am concerned about a couple of the ballot questions we have this time around. I have some very strong opinions on three of them, and the opposing view for two have been heavily advertising in recent weeks.

[daisylu]

Nov 5, 2024 9:38:25 GMT -5 greenthumb59 said:

We early voted at our courthouse.  Candidates have to stay 50 ft away from the entrance.  So they are in the parking lot - all standing next to each other.  I wonder if they talk amongst themselves??  I'm sure it can get awkward.

My DH is currently hiding from me.  He is in the garage.  I had an appointment and errands yesterday afternoon - before these storms hit - and when I got home he was off his ass drunk.  He was supposed to work the polls today too.  I don't even want to look at him today.

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 5, 2024 9:45:50 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 5, 2024 9:38:25 GMT -5 greenthumb59 said:

We early voted at our courthouse.  Candidates have to stay 50 ft away from the entrance.  So they are in the parking lot - all standing next to each other.  I wonder if they talk amongst themselves??  I'm sure it can get awkward.

So, is this like one of the only places to vote?  I'm just curious how candidates choose where to hang out.  Or are they just constantly driving around to new ones all day?

Our city is only 26K people and there are 16 polling sites in the city alone. Another 14 in the surrounding townships in the county.

eta: Nevermind.  Just saw it was your early voting place so that explains it being one spot.

I was wondering the same thing about candidates traveling around to polling spots! We have 80 polling places county wide. Then I saw your edit so never mind on this end too      

[raeoflyte]

Nov 5, 2024 9:57:00 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I need to go vote. which means I need to motivate myself to go shower, since that didn't happen yesterday. my polling place got moved since last time, now I only have to go just past the other side of the development. I want to go before the afternoon, bc I plan to be parked on the deck enjoying 70+ degree weather on election day. that's nutty.

I can't remember what exactly our rules are IRT signs and stuff outside polling places, but you definitely cannot wear or bring anything inside. the guy in line in front of me got really loud when he was told he couldn't wear his MAGA hat inside the HS gym to cast his ballot.

I don't have to worry about which way my state will go for the top race, but I am concerned about a couple of the ballot questions we have this time around. I have some very strong opinions on three of them, and the opposing view for two have been heavily advertising in recent weeks.

Is it an active school - like students in session? I can't see how they could have voting take place there and keep the school secure.