what are you doing right now?

[chiver78]

Aug 2, 2022 14:40:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Weighing going to the gym or drinking beer instead. Thoughts?

drink some beer. I'm unexpectedly going to a concert tonight. mooch scored free tickets to Tesla. 

[wvugurl26]

I vote for drinking. I'm finishing up the work day and doing laundry. A beverage sounds like an excellent choice.

Then I need to pack for my long weekend trip.

[stillmovingforward]

Aug 2, 2022 14:59:23 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I was in a weird mood yesterday and last night. Mister kept asking me what was wrong, I told him I just had a lot of stuff on my mind, which was true. He asked if he’d done something to upset me, I dodged the question because some of what was on my mind has to do with him, and I didn’t want to lie to him or talk about it.

Today, in addition to my weird mood, I am also really sad. Learning today that my friend died made some of the things that were on my mind yesterday seem more urgent. Plus, I’m just really sad that she died. She really was a great woman who loved to have fun and had a kind, beautiful spirit. And her death reminded me of how I’ve already been struggling like I’ve expressed here before, with the number of people I know or know of, that have died since the beginning of 2020. Just last week, one of my coworkers buried his daughter. 2 days before her funeral, his Dad died. I didn’t know his daughter and Dad personally, but he’s talked about them over the years we’ve worked together. Those deaths weren’t as painful for me as others have been, but I felt really bad for my coworker. A couple weeks before that, there was yet another funeral for a former coworker that I knew for 20 years. I’d stopped talking about all that here because it’s so depressing, but people kept/keep dying anyway.

I’ve cried so much today that I had to take my contact lenses out and wear my glasses. And I’m still crying.

I feel kinda lost, and don’t know what to do with myself.

Pink - please touch base with a counselor. You are a good strong woman who has had a very rough couple of years. I think a few sessions to help talk things out much be helpful. I mean this in the nicest way possible. You are always learning and growing and care so much, you may pick up some useful skills quickly.

[gs11rmb]

@pinkcshmere I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend.  You're clearly struggling so please take care of yourself.

[raeoflyte]

Hugs pink.

[daisylu]

Aug 2, 2022 11:37:50 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

You don't have to retest. 5 days from when symptoms start and no fever you can go out but masked. Stay masked for 10 days from first symptoms.

Dependent on employer. Mine requires a negative test to return to work now. It can be an at home test.

[andi9899]

Aug 2, 2022 11:48:44 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I just found out that an old friend died. We met at my last job over 20 years ago, she rode to work and back with me every day, because she didn’t drive. We didn’t talk often after I resigned, but we’d catch up every once in a while. I remember when she called me and told me she’d finally learned to drive and had a car, how excited she was and how funny it was to me to picture her finally driving. The last time we talked was a few months ago.

She was the kind of person, that everywhere she went, she saw somebody she knew. She was lots of fun and a real sweetheart.

In 2020, her and her siblings lost both their parents 3 weeks apart. Then a sister. Then a brother. Now she’s gone. Man this hurts. I can’t stop crying.

I'm sorry. I hope she didn't suffer.

[daisylu]

Aug 2, 2022 14:40:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Weighing going to the gym or drinking beer instead. Thoughts?

Gym then beer.

[daisylu]

Aug 2, 2022 15:15:46 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Aug 2, 2022 14:59:23 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I was in a weird mood yesterday and last night. Mister kept asking me what was wrong, I told him I just had a lot of stuff on my mind, which was true. He asked if he’d done something to upset me, I dodged the question because some of what was on my mind has to do with him, and I didn’t want to lie to him or talk about it.

Today, in addition to my weird mood, I am also really sad. Learning today that my friend died made some of the things that were on my mind yesterday seem more urgent. Plus, I’m just really sad that she died. She really was a great woman who loved to have fun and had a kind, beautiful spirit. And her death reminded me of how I’ve already been struggling like I’ve expressed here before, with the number of people I know or know of, that have died since the beginning of 2020. Just last week, one of my coworkers buried his daughter. 2 days before her funeral, his Dad died. I didn’t know his daughter and Dad personally, but he’s talked about them over the years we’ve worked together. Those deaths weren’t as painful for me as others have been, but I felt really bad for my coworker. A couple weeks before that, there was yet another funeral for a former coworker that I knew for 20 years. I’d stopped talking about all that here because it’s so depressing, but people kept/keep dying anyway.

I’ve cried so much today that I had to take my contact lenses out and wear my glasses. And I’m still crying.

I feel kinda lost, and don’t know what to do with myself.

Pink - please touch base with a counselor. You are a good strong woman who has had a very rough couple of years. I think a few sessions to help talk things out much be helpful. I mean this in the nicest way possible. You are always learning and growing and care so much, you may pick up some useful skills quickly.

 You can likely get some free sessions through your work EAP.

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2022 15:15:46 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Aug 2, 2022 14:59:23 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I was in a weird mood yesterday and last night. Mister kept asking me what was wrong, I told him I just had a lot of stuff on my mind, which was true. He asked if he’d done something to upset me, I dodged the question because some of what was on my mind has to do with him, and I didn’t want to lie to him or talk about it.

Today, in addition to my weird mood, I am also really sad. Learning today that my friend died made some of the things that were on my mind yesterday seem more urgent. Plus, I’m just really sad that she died. She really was a great woman who loved to have fun and had a kind, beautiful spirit. And her death reminded me of how I’ve already been struggling like I’ve expressed here before, with the number of people I know or know of, that have died since the beginning of 2020. Just last week, one of my coworkers buried his daughter. 2 days before her funeral, his Dad died. I didn’t know his daughter and Dad personally, but he’s talked about them over the years we’ve worked together. Those deaths weren’t as painful for me as others have been, but I felt really bad for my coworker. A couple weeks before that, there was yet another funeral for a former coworker that I knew for 20 years. I’d stopped talking about all that here because it’s so depressing, but people kept/keep dying anyway.

I’ve cried so much today that I had to take my contact lenses out and wear my glasses. And I’m still crying.

I feel kinda lost, and don’t know what to do with myself.

Pink - please touch base with a counselor. You are a good strong woman who has had a very rough couple of years. I think a few sessions to help talk things out much be helpful. I mean this in the nicest way possible. You are always learning and growing and care so much, you may pick up some useful skills quickly.

You didn’t have to add that part, I received your message in the way I believe you intended it, as helpful advice.

I will think about it. 

I just really need for people to stop dying. I know death is just a part of life, but good grief!

All the other stuff, some of it is within my power to fix, and the things I can’t fix, I can change my perspective about. But knowing and doing are 2 different things.

[catsareme]

Hugs Pink.  

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2022 15:31:30 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Aug 2, 2022 11:48:44 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I just found out that an old friend died. We met at my last job over 20 years ago, she rode to work and back with me every day, because she didn’t drive. We didn’t talk often after I resigned, but we’d catch up every once in a while. I remember when she called me and told me she’d finally learned to drive and had a car, how excited she was and how funny it was to me to picture her finally driving. The last time we talked was a few months ago.

She was the kind of person, that everywhere she went, she saw somebody she knew. She was lots of fun and a real sweetheart.

In 2020, her and her siblings lost both their parents 3 weeks apart. Then a sister. Then a brother. Now she’s gone. Man this hurts. I can’t stop crying.

I'm sorry. I hope she didn't suffer.

I reached out to another FB friend who knew her too, to ask if she knew what happened. She said she was told she had a stroke.

When we talked a few months ago, she was talking about retiring from her job with the city. She was a little older than me and she left the job where we met, not long after I did. Based on her timeline during our last conversation a few months ago, she died before she could retire.

[TheOtherMe]

Aug 2, 2022 15:39:06 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Aug 2, 2022 15:15:46 GMT -5 stillmovingforward said:

Pink - please touch base with a counselor. You are a good strong woman who has had a very rough couple of years. I think a few sessions to help talk things out much be helpful. I mean this in the nicest way possible. You are always learning and growing and care so much, you may pick up some useful skills quickly.

You didn’t have to add that part, I received your message in the way I believe you intended it, as helpful advice.

I will think about it. 

I just really need for people to stop dying. I know death is just a part of life, but good grief!

All the other stuff, some of it is within my power to fix, and the things I can’t fix, I can change my perspective about. But knowing and doing are 2 different things.

Pink, a therapist can help you change your thinking by helping you see other ways to see a situation.  Yes, knowing and doing are two different things.  You get to decide what you are willing to do.

As for death, grief support groups and counselors exist for a reason.  Lots of people struggle with grief.  There is help to handle that, too.  One of the best things I found from grief support groups was that my feelings were not strange.  They were very normal.  Alone, I thought I was going crazy.  I found out lots of my thoughts were a part of the grieving process.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Back from the dentist.  She said the tooth broke in the best possible way and it can be salvaged.  I needed a root canal and a crown, but those are way cheaper than an implant.  

My face feels like someone belted me, numbness is starting to wear off and I have a good dose of ibuprofen in me now.  

[Deleted]

If you don’t want to read anything about God and religion, please feel free to keep scrolling. 

All of these deaths have been constant reminders of my own mortality. I lean more toward spirituality than being religious. That might not make sense to anyone but me, and that’s okay. To ME, that means I am more interested in having my own personal relationship with God, than regularly attending church of a specific denomination. I believe the different denominations are things man came up with, so I’m not impressed with all of that, even though I know the Bible says for us to assemble ourselves.

Because I’ve been constantly reminded of my own mortality because of all these deaths, I think about the biggest thing in my life that I’m doing, that I know is not pleasing to God. That is living in sin with Mister, because we aren’t married.

Every time Mister has mentioned marriage, I have deflected, ducked and dodged, and tried to avoid the subject. So it’s not on him that we aren’t married, it’s on me. We have been in a serious relationship for 7 years now, not including the time before that, when we were just playing around with each other.

So when I think about the things I should be doing according to my beliefs, and the things I need to do to get my life together, my life with Mister is a biggie. 

A few months ago, he brought marriage up again and wanted to do it this year. He threw July out there as the month we could do it. I ducked and dodged, hemmed and hawed, until he left it alone. 

Now I feel some type of way about “living in sin”, and I’m not sure what to do about it. We both say we are stuck with each other, but I still have trouble wrapping my mind around getting married. But I also don’t want to keep sinning in God’s eyes. At this point, I may have deflected and avoided so often that Mister doesn’t even want it anymore.

Anyway, that is some of the stuff that was on my mind yesterday.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I am still so tired.  I am finally caught up to today on work so that is good at least.   I did something to my back  yesterday it really hurts.  We got some CBD back stuff that my MIL never got around to using that DH took to see if it would work for his arthritis.  It works pretty good on my back.

Still frustrated.  The chick that bitched about the mac & cheese yesterday was at it again.  This time about me not keeping the sample room clean and how the person I replaced was so much better at it and she didn't understand why I found the job so hard it's not like I have that much work to do blah blah.

Naturally I got upset and decided I was taking it to my manager.  I told her and asked is there an issue with my performance?  I want to know because this person is saying X and I want to be in on the conversation before I end up in trouble for something I wasn't even aware was a mistake.

I was told I am doing fine but that was then a discussion with her manager too and then I had to talk with her manager and I wanted to sink into a hole and die.  I was not trying to cause trouble, I was not trying to be a drama queen.  I said I have enough on my plate right now I can't afford to be smacked upside the side by performance issues, if it's really THAT bad as she claims then I need to know.

That is all I wanted.

She claims it was because she was concerned about my ability to do the job and not contaminate samples because she saw X, Y and Z.  I said in case anyone isn't aware I've been doing an ass load of samples I haven't had time to deep clean.  I keep the parts I need to clean.  I was tired last night and decided that I was going to do the bare minimum, go home and come back to deep clean in the morning since I was caught up.

Normally not a single soul is in here besides me at that time of day.  So of course that's the one day Peacock #2 comes in to do stuff and starts shit.

I'm just so ducking fone with everything and everyone right now.  I should be focusing on my mother and instead I am dealing with this shit.

Is it me?  Is there something wrong with me that I attract these people?  I come in, do my job, do it to the best of my abilities which to toot my own horn tend to be much higher than other people's a lot of times, and go home.  I don't gossip, I am respectful and polite to everyone and I do my best to help out.   I mean the animal facility said they considered me one of the nicest most cooperative people they dealt with and put new people in my room because they knew that.    I've ended up as lab manager in most of my labs precisely because I can get along with all the various departments we needed to work with and didn't give attitude unless needed.

So WTF?  Or is there always just at least one person who loves to be miserable at work and makes it their life's mission to make other people miserable?

[Deleted]

Mister is home from work now, so I have to get myself together. If he sees me crying, he’s going to try to make me talk, and I don’t want to.

He called me this morning right after I learned my friend had died, and I was crying like a baby when I answered the phone. So he knows about that and that it upset me. 

I really just want to go to bed right now and try again tomorrow.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Aug 2, 2022 16:10:26 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

If you don’t want to read anything about God and religion, please feel free to keep scrolling. 

All of these deaths have been constant reminders of my own mortality. I lean more toward spirituality than being religious. That might not make sense to anyone but me, and that’s okay. To ME, that means I am more interested in having my own personal relationship with God, than regularly attending church of a specific denomination. I believe the different denominations are things man came up with, so I’m not impressed with all of that, even though I know the Bible says for us to assemble ourselves.

Because I’ve been constantly reminded of my own mortality because of all these deaths, I think about the biggest thing in my life that I’m doing, that I know is not pleasing to God. That is living in sin with Mister, because we aren’t married.

Every time Mister has mentioned marriage, I have deflected, ducked and dodged, and tried to avoid the subject. So it’s not on him that we aren’t married, it’s on me. We have been in a serious relationship for 7 years now, not including the time before that, when we were just playing around with each other.

So when I think about the things I should be doing according to my beliefs, and the things I need to do to get my life together, my life with Mister is a biggie. 

A few months ago, he brought marriage up again and wanted to do it this year. He threw July out there as the month we could do it. I ducked and dodged, hemmed and hawed, until he left it alone. 

Now I feel some type of way about “living in sin”, and I’m not sure what to do about it. We both say we are stuck with each other, but I still have trouble wrapping my mind around getting married. But I also don’t want to keep sinning in God’s eyes. At this point, I may have deflected and avoided so often that Mister doesn’t even want it anymore.

Anyway, that is some of the stuff that was on my mind yesterday.

Ditto.

I am not super religious or spiritual myself.  That being said when I examine it I cannot  bring myself to consider that a loving compassionate God really gives a shit about "living in sin". Personally I think if there is a God he is happy that we found someone, not whether or not we have a piece of paper dedicating our lives together.  God is love and comes in many forms.

[Deleted]

In other news, Newbie has been a great companion today. I must really be a creature of habit because every time I go sit on the deck, she’s already at the door waiting for me to open it to go outside. A couple of times she was lounging on the sofa in the den while I was going back and forth in the house dealing with laundry, but when she saw me getting my IPad, phone and a cup, she got up and was waiting at the door by the time I got there. 

She’s such a sweet girl.

[Deleted]

Oh dear. Another friend I’ve known since elementary school just sent me a message on FB to call her. We use to run the streets together, but we’ve  not talked on the phone in years, just commented on each other’s FB posts. Her brother and my first cousin were married at one point.

Her Mom is one of the people that died during the last 2 years. I knew her Mom and her siblings from going over their house a lot when we were close friends. 

I’m halfway skeert to call her.

[andi9899]

I got the account from hell bound by the skin if my teeth. I also got their claim paid and had a long talk about expectations for the future. I told the CSR that I want to know every single thing that happens on that account for the next year. I told the insured that if he doesn't improve, he's out because I won't be able to help him next time.

I'm so fried! I said F that gym. I'm currently drinking beer. I told my boss I'm calling in drunk tomorrow.

[CCL]

Aug 2, 2022 16:22:31 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Mister is home from work now, so I have to get myself together. If he sees me crying, he’s going to try to make me talk, and I don’t want to.

He called me this morning right after I learned my friend had died, and I was crying like a baby when I answered the phone. So he knows about that and that it upset me. 

I really just want to go to bed right now and try again tomorrow.

I'm sorry your friend is gone and sorry you've been struggling lately. 

Maybe it's just me personally, but we've experienced a lot of deaths, too. I think some of it has to do with simply getting older. Everyone we know is getting older, too.

For us, it's mostly been family members.  Losing siblings has probably been the hardest. It kinda makes you think you may be next. There have been other family, friends and acquaintances, too. Most were older than us, but some were young.

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2022 16:25:59 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I am not super religious or spiritual myself.  That being said when I examine it I cannot  bring myself to consider that a loving compassionate God really gives a shit about "living in sin". Personally I think if there is a God he is happy that we found someone, not whether or not we have a piece of paper dedicating our lives together.  God is love and comes in many forms.

I agree and I'm a practicing Christian, raised in the Roman Catholic church where sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin. I sometimes struggle with rolling out of bed with BF on Sunday morning and then preaching a sermon at church but I think God has more to be concerned about than two responsible in a monogamous, committed relationship who have each other's backs.

Second DH and I married because it was "the right thing to do" and probably a good example for DS, but I doubt I'll remarry at this point. The state imposes too many responsibilities on married couples. My Aunt had almost spent down to the max Medicaid would let her keep before Uncle, who had Alzheimer's, died in a nursing home. She took care of him at home till she no longer could and then spent most of their money (which came from an inheritance from her family) on the nursing home care before he died. Fortunately her two sons are very successful entrepreneurs so she won't die in poverty.

It's a personal decision and for every clergy person who calls it "living in sin" you'll find another who says a loving, supportive monogamous relationship between unmarrieds can be part of a good Christian life.

[Opti]

Aug 2, 2022 12:50:56 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

Aug 1, 2022 19:32:25 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I'm taking a minute to process some news from some friends I've lost touch with over the years, and I'm just thinking aloud here. I'm probably going to offend some of you with the thoughts I share in this post. while I'm sorry you might be offended, I'm not sorry for sharing my thoughts. also, this post is a good 45min in the making, bc Punk keeps reaching out bc she knows I'm troubled. 😕

earlier this summer, my friend J put up a post that she and her fam were surprised by a pregnancy (she's 40+) and that tests showed it might not be viable, but they were going to see what happened. yay, choice. except that J posted more as she continued to carry this pregnancy, that things weren't going well. she posted Friday that baby C arrived early, and that they were following her lead as to how to proceed. that post had pics with her older kids holding C, all smiles. the pics of baby C just don't look even human. she's that early to be that much under-developed.

well, tonight the update is that they lost C Saturday morning. am I an asshole for thinking they shouldn't have carried this questionable pregnancy to term? I am sitting here hoping that whatever that child experienced in her short life wasn't any pain. I'm so worried for the older kids that they hyped up this little sister that never had a viable chance, and now these two are mourning a shooting star.

ok, I think I'm done now. I'm putting the phone down for the night.

I had a friend.  She gave birth to an extreme preemie, who ended up blind, with cerebral palsy.  Doctors told her she shouldn't get pregnant again, but she did. She didn't abort, because she wanted to see what happened. Yay, choice!
Second one was also extremely premature with cerebral palsy and blindness.   She ended up killing herself and the two little girls. It was all just too much.
I'm with you.

Very sad story. Not surprised two were too much.

[NastyWoman]

Aug 2, 2022 14:40:13 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Weighing going to the gym or drinking beer instead. Thoughts?

Hot = 

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2022 16:55:47 GMT -5 @athena53 said:

Aug 2, 2022 16:25:59 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I am not super religious or spiritual myself.  That being said when I examine it I cannot  bring myself to consider that a loving compassionate God really gives a shit about "living in sin". Personally I think if there is a God he is happy that we found someone, not whether or not we have a piece of paper dedicating our lives together.  God is love and comes in many forms.

I agree and I'm a practicing Christian, raised in the Roman Catholic church where sex outside of marriage is a mortal sin. I sometimes struggle with rolling out of bed with BF on Sunday morning and then preaching a sermon at church but I think God has more to be concerned about than two responsible in a monogamous, committed relationship who have each other's backs.

Second DH and I married because it was "the right thing to do" and probably a good example for DS, but I doubt I'll remarry at this point. The state imposes too many responsibilities on married couples. My Aunt had almost spent down to the max Medicaid would let her keep before Uncle, who had Alzheimer's, died in a nursing home. She took care of him at home till she no longer could and then spent most of their money (which came from an inheritance from her family) on the nursing home care before he died. Fortunately her two sons are very successful entrepreneurs so she won't die in poverty.

It's a personal decision and for every clergy person who calls it "living in sin" you'll find another who says a loving, supportive monogamous relationship between unmarrieds can be part of a good Christian life.

I spent many years worshipping in the Christian tradition, one form or another, but I'm not currently active.  For me, "living in sin" is what my very much legally married friend does, calling me every few months to talk about her husband's latest abuse, suicide threat, drunken rampage, attack on their son, arrest etc.  I simply do not believe that we are created to endure or perpetuate hate and evil.  I think we are created to become the best humans we can be and to enable others to do the same.  

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2022 16:39:27 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Oh dear. Another friend I’ve known since elementary school just sent me a message on FB to call her. We use to run the streets together, but we’ve  not talked on the phone in years, just commented on each other’s FB posts. Her brother and my first cousin were married at one point.

Her Mom is one of the people that died during the last 2 years. I knew her Mom and her siblings from going over their house a lot when we were close friends. 

I’m halfway skeert to call her.

So I did call this friend. No answer, so I left a voicemail. She called me back maybe 20 minutes later.

She was just reaching out because of my FB post earlier today. It was great to talk to her after all these years. She is so much more mature and her conversation is so different from the days we hung out together. I don’t say that to insult her, I hope she has the same impression of me.

We talked just like it hasn’t been a decade or more since we had a conversation. I feel like that is one silver lining around the storms in my life.

[wvugurl26]

I had the bright idea to make mini galettes the day before I leave on a trip. Mini so they'd be easier to share with DH's family. They are rustic looking pies without a full top crust.

I got mad at the stupid small kitchen. The toaster needs to find a new home and tonight that home was going to be the trash can. It was out of my way but it was near the kitchen entry so it kept setting off the overly sensitive smoke detector in the next room. So it went back to the one decent stretch of counter I have and the dang knobs stick out too far and catch on the rolling pin.

4 are mini and I ended up making a regular size one. I hope the peaches cook up because they were rock hard.

And this ends my whine for the night.

[Deleted]

Aug 2, 2022 18:02:58 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I spent many years worshipping in the Christian tradition, one form or another, but I'm not currently active.  For me, "living in sin" is what my very much legally married friend does, calling me every few months to talk about her husband's latest abuse, suicide threat, drunken rampage, attack on their son, arrest etc.  I simply do not believe that we are created to endure or perpetuate hate and evil.  I think we are created to become the best humans we can be and to enable others to do the same.  

I had that in my first marriage- although maybe not to that degree. You're right- that is not the will of God. I was grateful to be in a denomination that accepted divorce and allowed remarriage in a full, joyous church ceremony.

[toomuchreality]

Aug 2, 2022 12:03:00 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I'm sorry, Pink. 

Yeah that.