busymom
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Why is the rum always gone? Oh...that's why.
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Post by busymom on Oct 16, 2024 10:45:32 GMT -5
It is cold here today, and the road construction going on is making it tricky to get around, so I am staying home today & making some main courses ahead of time to put in the freezer for future use. For those nights that I just don't feel like cooking.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 16, 2024 11:32:22 GMT -5
Good grief. I've spent the last hour calling Fidelity.
We've gotten as far as getting DS a user name and password from the sign up button. He needs to be verified, again, even though he was just verified 5 minutes ago. And he left the house. And how is my life enhanced by this? I know. More money, more problems.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 16, 2024 11:32:59 GMT -5
And It looks like I'm buying a car soon.
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seriousthistime
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Post by seriousthistime on Oct 16, 2024 11:52:08 GMT -5
giramomma, if I were looking for a car, I'd go for the three-year-newer (2020) car. In your case, the cars you're looking at (2017 vs. 2020) are odd-year and even-year. I'd heard some years back that it's best to buy a car model that's an even year because the manufacturers tweak some things from year to year, and in odd years they make new tweaks that may not be good ones, so in the even year that follows that they have worked out the bugs and make corrections to the tweaks that didn't work out well. This may be an old wives' tale.
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bean29
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Post by bean29 on Oct 16, 2024 12:09:23 GMT -5
Good grief. I've spent the last hour calling Fidelity.
We've gotten as far as getting DS a user name and password from the sign up button. He needs to be verified, again, even though he was just verified 5 minutes ago. And he left the house. And how is my life enhanced by this? I know. More money, more problems.
You are a good mom. I need to do this for DD soon. I want to start a house down payment account for her, with the intent that if she never buys a house - no problem but at least she has some $$ like if she had invested in a house. Is this intended to be an after tax, or before tax account? Good luck on your car shopping. How old is your car, how many miles does it have on it. I was thinking is did not have all that many miles on it...but I often don't keep track of stuff that has not direct effect on me personally.
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
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Post by lurkyloo on Oct 16, 2024 12:35:56 GMT -5
What does rile her up? I’m not suggesting that she does have dementia, just that you start pestering her about she must have dementia to be this non-functional, if that would make her mad. She’s not the least bothered by you being upset, and she’s taking advantage of you to a pretty shocking degree. I don’t know that she’s even bothered by you yelling at her. But it’s been years and she’s treated you like crap in this ongoing game of emotional chicken-which you always lose bc you’re a decent person and she knows it. Just saying, psychological warfare might be an appropriate thing to consider. How can you make her situation less comfortable here, taking advantage of you? Can you plant some self-doubt there somewhere? Boundaries are hard and it might be less palatable than just continuing to suck it up. Certainly you’re not obligated to do it or even explain why you’re not doing it, just because some random invisible person in your computer suggested it. This sort of don’t get mad get even is just another route to consider. Call her bluff and send the EMTs/APS out for wellness checks every time she calls about not having food or not having heat/lights. That shut my grandma up pretty fast. She wanted attention from my dad and her games were punishment for him/us not giving up our lives to cater to her. He told her this was the new normal every time she called about being stuck on the couch he was sending out the EMTs because he couldn't get to Treynor in time. The absolute worst thing in the world to her is not having control and having "strangers" in her business. I was proud of my dad for finally weaponizing that to HIS advantage. Let the EMTs and APS be the bad guys. She will have a lot harder time arguing with them and justifying herself to them. They get called enough they will take over and handle things for her. She REALLY won't like that because you get what you get and you don't throw a fit with elder services. I feel like signing her up for meals on wheels is appropriate. She doesn’t have food? Problem solved, without succumbing to the manipulation that’s designed for Pink to have to order her restaurant delivery of her choice It’s hard to get out of the habit of solving her problems for her, but I think in this case if you can solve them in a way that doesn’t make her happy it’s a win-Pink feels better about not being used quite so blatantly and her mom is frustrated about not getting exactly what she wants. Then play dumb. Better still if you can deflect “ooh, that’s tough, what are you going to do about it?” …meanwhile I’m still trying to disengage from my own mother. I’ve made some progress in terms of delegating stuff to OB and the major crisis is mostly past since we (mostly I) have things set up but it’s still more ongoing maintenance than I want to be responsible for.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 16, 2024 12:39:26 GMT -5
Good grief. I've spent the last hour calling Fidelity.
We've gotten as far as getting DS a user name and password from the sign up button. He needs to be verified, again, even though he was just verified 5 minutes ago. And he left the house. And how is my life enhanced by this? I know. More money, more problems.
You are a good mom. I need to do this for DD soon. I want to start a house down payment account for her, with the intent that if she never buys a house - no problem but at least she has some $$ like if she had invested in a house. Is this intended to be an after tax, or before tax account? Good luck on your car shopping. How old is your car, how many miles does it have on it. I was thinking is did not have all that many miles on it...but I often don't keep track of stuff that has not direct effect on me personally. Roth IRA.
I just changed my mind and I'm not going to use fidelity for the roth. Imma gonna give it to investment type folks to handle. Because life is too short. I got the ball rolling to get the taxable moved, too.
And I'm off his day to day money. So squared away. My car that is in the shop is 10 years old, about 90K miles on it. So. Not terribly old. I've had cars that were 20 years old. I did expect more. I also discovered how much is in our taxable. No hookers and blow, but, we're doing well enough that if we have to pull out of there eventually to cover the car, it's not going to hurt. My main goal was to afford by-in at a nice retirement place. We've got that, and extra. So. I think I should not worry about 7K at this point. (But, I will, because I am me).
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Oct 16, 2024 12:42:24 GMT -5
Call her bluff and send the EMTs/APS out for wellness checks every time she calls about not having food or not having heat/lights. That shut my grandma up pretty fast. She wanted attention from my dad and her games were punishment for him/us not giving up our lives to cater to her. He told her this was the new normal every time she called about being stuck on the couch he was sending out the EMTs because he couldn't get to Treynor in time. The absolute worst thing in the world to her is not having control and having "strangers" in her business. I was proud of my dad for finally weaponizing that to HIS advantage. Let the EMTs and APS be the bad guys. She will have a lot harder time arguing with them and justifying herself to them. They get called enough they will take over and handle things for her. She REALLY won't like that because you get what you get and you don't throw a fit with elder services. I feel like signing her up for meals on wheels is appropriate. She doesn’t have food? Problem solved, without succumbing to the manipulation that’s designed for Pink to have to order her restaurant delivery of her choice It’s hard to get out of the habit of solving her problems for her, but I think in this case if you can solve them in a way that doesn’t make her happy it’s a win-Pink feels better about not being used quite so blatantly and her mom is frustrated about not getting exactly what she wants. Then play dumb. Better still if you can deflect “ooh, that’s tough, what are you going to do about it?” …meanwhile I’m still trying to disengage from my own mother. I’ve made some progress in terms of delegating stuff to OB and the major crisis is mostly past since we (mostly I) have things set up but it’s still more ongoing maintenance than I want to be responsible for. Meals on wheels isn't even a given, though. When my mom was calling saying she was going without food, I called up Meals on wheels and talked to a social worker. As it turns out, where my mom lives, you have to get your primary doctor to sign off on the meals. They don't want to give diabetics meals that aren't prepared for diabetics. My mom hasn't been to a doctor for at least a decade. So, I just couldn't go around her and sign her up.
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
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Post by lurkyloo on Oct 16, 2024 12:46:23 GMT -5
I ordered some Halloween candy on Amazon last Tuesday. It shipped from New Jersey, then suddenly took a detour to outside Tampa FL last Friday, according to the tracking app. It is currently claiming to have left the facility in FL. Glad I ordered early and can choose to be amused
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Oct 16, 2024 12:56:42 GMT -5
alright, I'm about to call in to the 4-person interview for the afternoon. I dropped the pups at M's house for our midday adventure, and will pick them up later tonight. here goes nothing.
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lurkyloo
Junior Associate
“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
Joined: Jan 8, 2011 11:26:56 GMT -5
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Post by lurkyloo on Oct 16, 2024 13:05:24 GMT -5
I feel like signing her up for meals on wheels is appropriate. She doesn’t have food? Problem solved, without succumbing to the manipulation that’s designed for Pink to have to order her restaurant delivery of her choice It’s hard to get out of the habit of solving her problems for her, but I think in this case if you can solve them in a way that doesn’t make her happy it’s a win-Pink feels better about not being used quite so blatantly and her mom is frustrated about not getting exactly what she wants. Then play dumb. Better still if you can deflect “ooh, that’s tough, what are you going to do about it?” …meanwhile I’m still trying to disengage from my own mother. I’ve made some progress in terms of delegating stuff to OB and the major crisis is mostly past since we (mostly I) have things set up but it’s still more ongoing maintenance than I want to be responsible for. Meals on wheels isn't even a given, though. When my mom was calling saying she was going without food, I called up Meals on wheels and talked to a social worker. As it turns out, where my mom lives, you have to get your primary doctor to sign off on the meals. They don't want to give diabetics meals that aren't prepared for diabetics. My mom hasn't been to a doctor for at least a decade. So, I just couldn't go around her and sign her up. Hmph The principle holds though, I think. She calls with a problem, you offer to connect her with the means to fix it herself rather than taking on the burden. She calls and whines about being out of food and hungry, you offer oatmeal now and the contact info for meals on wheels and/or food bank hours and locations. She whines about utilities shut off, aim her at low income utility assistance programs. Heck, maybe they’ll make her pay in advance or something. It’s hard to disengage. Sometimes you just have to go with what’s emotionally feasible.
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greenthumb59
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Post by greenthumb59 on Oct 16, 2024 13:16:39 GMT -5
Gira - I would also get the newer car with fewer miles.
Saw my darn comet last night. I even got a few pictures of it! It was pretty cool. I just geek out on stuff like this!
Woke up hearing a barred owl in my backyard! Just one this time. Love them!
I don't think we actually got below freezing last night. My covered plants look okay. I've watered them and they should perk up now.
Went to two Aldi's this morning. The first one was the store my husband likes, because he just had to go. He bought a few snack. I got a bottle of ice wine. I'll save it for next week when DS1 and his lovely wife visit us. But all in all, I think this Aldi is a dud. They don't have a large Aisle of Shame section, and I never find all the cool stuff I see on the FB page. Bummer.
So I went by myself to a second one. And it was a hot mess. Literally. Stuff everywhere, in the floors, stacked up here and there. I will pass on this one for the future.
There is brand new Aldi several miles north of here. I might venture up there tomorrow to check it out.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 16, 2024 13:36:31 GMT -5
I feel like signing her up for meals on wheels is appropriate. She doesn’t have food? Problem solved, without succumbing to the manipulation that’s designed for Pink to have to order her restaurant delivery of her choice It’s hard to get out of the habit of solving her problems for her, but I think in this case if you can solve them in a way that doesn’t make her happy it’s a win-Pink feels better about not being used quite so blatantly and her mom is frustrated about not getting exactly what she wants. Then play dumb. Better still if you can deflect “ooh, that’s tough, what are you going to do about it?” …meanwhile I’m still trying to disengage from my own mother. I’ve made some progress in terms of delegating stuff to OB and the major crisis is mostly past since we (mostly I) have things set up but it’s still more ongoing maintenance than I want to be responsible for. Meals on wheels isn't even a given, though. When my mom was calling saying she was going without food, I called up Meals on wheels and talked to a social worker. As it turns out, where my mom lives, you have to get your primary doctor to sign off on the meals. They don't want to give diabetics meals that aren't prepared for diabetics. My mom hasn't been to a doctor for at least a decade. So, I just couldn't go around her and sign her up. Same. The rules for Meals on Wheels are all over the place. Even if we had gotten grandma to cooperate and got her signed up nobody delivers Meals on Wheels to Treynor. It's the Bermuda Triangle of Iowa when it comes to elder care services. I forgot who my mom was dealing with but I remember her being in a rage because she was on the phone arguing with them for 30 minutes that Treynor does in fact exist and is in fact a city in Iowa. So that clearly makes it the perfect place for a 80+ year old widow who can't drive and has a disability that impacts her mobility to live!
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finnime
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Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
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Post by finnime on Oct 16, 2024 13:37:55 GMT -5
I'm envious you got a shot of the comet, GreenThumb. I would love to see it! And the Northern Lights.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 16, 2024 13:57:38 GMT -5
I never get tired of the Ryan Reynolds and Betty White video that pops on my Facebook feed. You forget that Betty White could have a mouth on her so when she swears it's hysterical.
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jerseygirl
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Post by jerseygirl on Oct 16, 2024 14:04:55 GMT -5
Went to an Aldi for first time today. Won’t be back. Although some prices were good ( mushrooms strawberries bananas) not a good selection, eg Coke but no Diet Coke tuna in water no tuna in oil. No bakery or deli. Think it’s a German chain? Certainly not like grocery stores in Germany that I’ve been to But it was on way home from art store and I needed some rolls ($1.25 hamburger good price) but will go to a regular grocery store next time Anyway got my curiosity satisfied
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 16, 2024 14:10:59 GMT -5
I feel like signing her up for meals on wheels is appropriate. She doesn’t have food? Problem solved, without succumbing to the manipulation that’s designed for Pink to have to order her restaurant delivery of her choice It’s hard to get out of the habit of solving her problems for her, but I think in this case if you can solve them in a way that doesn’t make her happy it’s a win-Pink feels better about not being used quite so blatantly and her mom is frustrated about not getting exactly what she wants. Then play dumb. Better still if you can deflect “ooh, that’s tough, what are you going to do about it?” …meanwhile I’m still trying to disengage from my own mother. I’ve made some progress in terms of delegating stuff to OB and the major crisis is mostly past since we (mostly I) have things set up but it’s still more ongoing maintenance than I want to be responsible for. Meals on wheels isn't even a given, though. When my mom was calling saying she was going without food, I called up Meals on wheels and talked to a social worker. As it turns out, where my mom lives, you have to get your primary doctor to sign off on the meals. They don't want to give diabetics meals that aren't prepared for diabetics. My mom hasn't been to a doctor for at least a decade. So, I just couldn't go around her and sign her up. This isn’t everywhere though. In NY you just have to call and set it up. My dad delivered Meals on Wheels for nearly a decade.
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NoNamePerson
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Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Oct 16, 2024 14:14:31 GMT -5
Went to an Aldi for first time today. Won’t be back. Although some prices were good ( mushrooms strawberries bananas) not a good selection, eg Coke but no Diet Coke tuna in water no tuna in oil. No bakery or deli. Think it’s a German chain? Certainly not like grocery stores in Germany that I’ve been to But it was on way home from art store and I needed some rolls ($1.25 hamburger good price) but will go to a regular grocery store next time Anyway got my curiosity satisfied We have had three Aldi’s pop up here and more on the way. Haven’t been to any yet. I can’t get past not opening till 9:00. I’ve done my shopping and home by 9:00. I’m a early bird. Also get the impression from some post that all produce is prepackaged! Just me and I don’t need a bag of anything plus like to see/touch what I’m buying if that makes sense. Not to say one day I will stop in to check them out for myself just out of curiosity also!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Oct 16, 2024 14:21:51 GMT -5
Went to an Aldi for first time today. Won’t be back. Although some prices were good ( mushrooms strawberries bananas) not a good selection, eg Coke but no Diet Coke tuna in water no tuna in oil. No bakery or deli. Think it’s a German chain? Certainly not like grocery stores in Germany that I’ve been to But it was on way home from art store and I needed some rolls ($1.25 hamburger good price) but will go to a regular grocery store next time Anyway got my curiosity satisfied Part of what makes it less expensive is they don't offer the same extensive list of items that other grocery stores do. Nor do they stock a lot of name brands. It is there thing. They also treat their employees pretty well and pay them good from what I've heard from people working there compared to some of the other local grocery chains. For my basics/pantry it is so much cheaper than the other stores in the area. My grocery bill from Aldi is usually half of what it is at Wal-mart. I can't afford to shop Hy-Vee anymore. SuperSaver it depends on the sales. I stock up on things Aldi doesn't carry so I am not constantly making side trips. Maybe once every other month I'll shop somewhere else to replace things Aldi doesn't carry.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 16, 2024 14:46:03 GMT -5
My parents were able to get on Meals on Wheels when they moved here. They were on them at their previous place.
I haven't kept track but when dad died, they had a waiting list and when your name came up, you could start receiving meals.
I know a nutritionist came to talk to them and mom pretty told her to shove it. They had been on them for 5 or 6 years by then. They knew the food that comes in them and they were going to eat the ones they liked and not eat the food they didn't like.
As NIL says, mom's version of Iowa Nice was to tell the truth bluntly.
They also tried to get them to go to the Senior Center. Mom asked how they thought they were going to get there since they didn't own a car? It was suggested they could ride with some of the others from the facility. Mom told them absolutely not.
She liked to chit chat with the delivery people.
Dad didn't even look up when they came in.
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greenthumb59
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Post by greenthumb59 on Oct 16, 2024 14:50:58 GMT -5
Aldi's is an occasional shop for us. We will hit it up for German week cause they sell schnitzel. Around Christmas there will be marzipan bars and lebkuchen. My mother was from Germany. I remember getting wonderful packages from Germany each Christmas filled with chocolate treats and lebkuchen. My grandmother sent them, and after she died, my mom's SIL sent them. It's one of my favorite memories! finnime We had the Northern Lights hit our area last week. I live in the middle of town, so I really didn't see any color. I took a few pictures with the night mode on my phone. I have some faint color on a couple of them. If this happens again we will have to plan to get away from town so we can see them! I am glad I got to see the comet. Now that I know the general area where it is, I will look for it again over the next few nights. My understanding is that it will appear higher each night, but it will also be dimmer.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Oct 16, 2024 15:05:23 GMT -5
well, I think that went okay. I'm glad I poured a pint glass of water before I started, I def needed it from all the talking! basically, everyone loves that I have QA experience with an engineering background. I definitely bring a unique perspective to the table. I think the thing that's gonna be a deal breaker or not is how close they want to stick to the timeline they had in mind(Im tied to current place tol T day, or forfeit severance). oh, and I'm walking in with a vacation planned and paid for at the end of January.
now I think I'm going to go meet mooch for a cocktail and then go pick up my dogs.
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wvugurl26
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Post by wvugurl26 on Oct 16, 2024 15:14:39 GMT -5
My Aldi definitely has Diet Coke. The regular grocery store prices are quite high these days. I buy a lot of our produce there.
We went shopping at the outlets today. It's too cold to sit on the beach today. I have a library book to finish on my kindle but it's charging. I might go start a puzzle.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Oct 16, 2024 15:42:28 GMT -5
I really do not enjoy parent teacher conferences.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Oct 16, 2024 16:30:08 GMT -5
Waiting for my flu shot. There are at least 5 people ahead of me.
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NastyWoman
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Post by NastyWoman on Oct 16, 2024 16:56:33 GMT -5
Went to lunch with a couple of friends for a, belated, birthday celebration. It was good and now I am doing my civic duty by keeping the entire county free of vampires - those garlic fries were really good and garlicky
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toomuchreality
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Favorite Drink: Sometimes I drink water... just to surprise my liver!
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Post by toomuchreality on Oct 16, 2024 17:15:53 GMT -5
Went to lunch with a couple of friends for a, belated, birthday celebration. It was good and now I am doing my civic duty by keeping the entire county free of vampires - those garlic fries were really good and garlicky Did I miss your birthday? Sorry about that! I hope you enjoyed it.
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countrygirl2
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Post by countrygirl2 on Oct 16, 2024 17:20:04 GMT -5
I would try to find a program car. One that is used for a limited amount of time and used by people that care for them. They are very good cars, lightly used, and cared for.
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weltz
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Post by weltz on Oct 16, 2024 17:24:48 GMT -5
My lovely neighbour lady came by again, this time with soup, chicken and noodles in a lovely sweet sauce. I tried to refuse, but she wasn't having it. How can I refuse without insuting her? Groceries aren't cheap and she has 2 little kids and a husand who was laid off. I can't keep accepting her food. I can't cook something and give it to them, as it probably won't be halal enough. They have very strict dietary laws. Offering her money would be hugely insulting.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Oct 16, 2024 17:36:43 GMT -5
I think you graciously accept weltz You are absolutely correct on money would be an huge insult. Can't wait for next weeks food order as there is soup again.
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