MJ2.0
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Post by MJ2.0 on Jul 22, 2024 14:34:11 GMT -5
well, DS went off to camp this morning. I hope he's settling in and enjoying himself. I miss him already....
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 22, 2024 14:39:59 GMT -5
and why a broken hip would warrant a guardian............. there's been some other posts about cognitive decline, so it's not just the hip. lurky is already a limited POA (I can't remember which function) and her brother is another. this is a rough couple of pages to read this afternoon, now that I'm back online. hugs to all of you that need them. My grandmother was starting to forget my grandpa was dead and she still passed the tests. Those tests for dementia are a joke. I was reading an article I think on CNN about it that as our understanding of how dementia works there is a push to change the tests so things like lack of ability to care for oneself is evaluated. Separating out things like spatial skills, long term memory retention, short term memory retention etc. Because everyone's dementia is different. My grandmother had all her spatial reasoning and as far as I know still does. She passed those tests with flying colors. My dad argued of course she would she was always whip smart in that regard. My grandmother was exhibiting personality changes. This is a woman who kept her house so clean you could eat off her toilet for as long as we could remember. Now she was living in filth. Something was very obviously wrong. Not according to the dementia tests it doesn't! She's exercising her free will to not clean! She's losing her short term memory ability but can still make long term memories. She remembers my mom died two years ago. She couldn't remember she was at GU's funeral 10 minutes after they left. She's starting to forget my grandfather is gone but she remembers my MIL is deceased. My dad also watched the doctors/nurses coach my grandmother. He was really shocked and argued they weren't evaluating HER at all. What he witnessed taking care of her meant absolutely nothing to the evaluation. All that mattered is she checked the boxes. You have to be REALLY freaking far gone to not pass those tests.
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lurkyloo
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“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Jul 22, 2024 15:32:55 GMT -5
Ew ew ew ew. Linkedin just had a video of eye surgery that I scrolled past. #cantunseeit not sure when exactly LinkedIn became as unhinged as it is today, but I can't stand to be on it for any significant period of time. I find value in it bc there are a lot of 1-2-3 degree contacts that post “look what I just published!” links to articles of interest before they show up in the standard literature alerts. Lots of fluff and annoyances and ads too, but mostly they aren’t as disgusting as that one. Now I need to boycott for a while
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lurkyloo
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“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Jul 22, 2024 15:53:16 GMT -5
there's been some other posts about cognitive decline, so it's not just the hip. lurky is already a limited POA (I can't remember which function) and her brother is another. this is a rough couple of pages to read this afternoon, now that I'm back online. hugs to all of you that need them. My grandmother was starting to forget my grandpa was dead and she still passed the tests. Those tests for dementia are a joke. I was reading an article I think on CNN about it that as our understanding of how dementia works there is a push to change the tests so things like lack of ability to care for oneself is evaluated. Separating out things like spatial skills, long term memory retention, short term memory retention etc. Because everyone's dementia is different. My grandmother had all her spatial reasoning and as far as I know still does. She passed those tests with flying colors. My dad argued of course she would she was always whip smart in that regard. My grandmother was exhibiting personality changes. This is a woman who kept her house so clean you could eat off her toilet for as long as we could remember. Now she was living in filth. Something was very obviously wrong. Not according to the dementia tests it doesn't! She's exercising her free will to not clean! She's losing her short term memory ability but can still make long term memories. She remembers my mom died two years ago. She couldn't remember she was at GU's funeral 10 minutes after they left. She's starting to forget my grandfather is gone but she remembers my MIL is deceased. My dad also watched the doctors/nurses coach my grandmother. He was really shocked and argued they weren't evaluating HER at all. What he witnessed taking care of her meant absolutely nothing to the evaluation. All that mattered is she checked the boxes. You have to be REALLY freaking far gone to not pass those tests. Are you saying your grandmother is not in fact a Very Stable Genius? .
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 22, 2024 15:56:52 GMT -5
Ew ew ew ew. Linkedin just had a video of eye surgery that I scrolled past. #cantunseeit not sure when exactly LinkedIn became as unhinged as it is today, but I can't stand to be on it for any significant period of time. I've never understood the point by the time I "needed it" LinkedIn was a glorified Facebook. All it's ever gotten me is stalked by graduate school hopefuls taking the idea of "informal interviews" too far by showing up in my lab to talk to me asking if I will refer them to my PI. To which the answer was WTF are you and NO! Apparently I need to have a "brand" now that I am in corporate America because you never know which HR people are going to look for a profile and for some HR people not having one looks suspicious so they will toss you out. So I made one but I hardly ever use it. I get ahead far more by just talking to the people I know directly. It's a pretty small world here in Omaha there are only a handful of employers who offer jobs in my field. I don't need a nationwide social media platform unless I planned on moving.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 22, 2024 16:03:01 GMT -5
TheOtherMe Thank you for checking in. I am glad that that part is done, and now you just have to heal. Get some rest and take care of yourself please ma’am. I am doing as you say. As the numbing medication is wearing off, I am definitely feeling it. Tylenol is what I was told to take. I've taken it. The end of my nose is so swollen I can see it when I look down. So far my eyes have not swollen. Hoping it stays that way.
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TheOtherMe
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Post by TheOtherMe on Jul 22, 2024 16:06:17 GMT -5
Dad passed all the cognitive tests. It still irked me because the nurse and my sister gave him hints on the answers. Yet the doctor said dementia was cause of death. Go figure.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 22, 2024 16:17:57 GMT -5
Okay if we ever go back to Mall of America I want to hit this place. It probably would kill me but I want a cookie monster shake or a Sour Apple Lolly. sugarfactoryexpress.com/pdf/expressMenu.pdfWish we had had more time we barely scratched the surface of the place. I wouldn't mind next time skipping the amusement park since we already did it and go to the aquarium instead. Maybe but not for awhile. This was a one time deal this year. I also don't think DH's sanity could take going to MOA twice in the same year. SIL was lecturing DH about how "once the money is gone it's gone" from FIL's estate. Okay first of all I am not an idiot with money I have zero intention of letting DH, myself or the kids blow the entire inheritance. I have a very well laid out plan for it all that DH agrees with. Second after everything that has happened in the last two years I figure life is short. I would rather drop $1500 on making memories with my children than have an extra $1500 that will someday be sucked up by the nursing home. I am sure grandma's credit score keeps her warm at night and I know DH's family gets off on comparing their net worths but I have different priorities in life. This is a trip my kids will always remember. Third I know that FIL would be THRILLED that we took the kids to MOA. He wanted his kids and grandkids to enjoy what he left behind. DH said his dad probably would have handed Gwen even more money to spend for her birthday if he was still here. Fourth, you are turning into your mother. Knock it off and mind your own business.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 22, 2024 16:28:07 GMT -5
My dear friend's ex husband was found dead over the weekend. We met during my semester abroad and we've remained closed despite the fact we live on opposite coasts. We were each other's MOH. She had been married to him a little over 20 years, but he quit working and developed a drinking problem. About 2 years ago, she told him if she came home from work one more time and he was drunk, she was leaving. She kept to her word. Their 19 year old son found him at home. They do not yet know the cause of death. She feels responsible and very guilty. I wish i could be there for her. I’m sorry.
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finnime
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Post by finnime on Jul 22, 2024 16:37:58 GMT -5
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soupandstew
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Post by soupandstew on Jul 22, 2024 16:39:50 GMT -5
I am going to need some of that DNA erase spray because the next sorry SOB that comes to my door will not see his/her family again. Hurricane Beryl has door-to-door peddlers like roofers out like rats, and scammers trying to sign you up for fake FEMA $$ or claim they are from your insurance company.
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weltz
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Post by weltz on Jul 22, 2024 17:06:57 GMT -5
Happy birthday Taz, I hope you're having a wonderful day!
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 22, 2024 17:22:20 GMT -5
I am going to need some of that DNA erase spray because the next sorry SOB that comes to my door will not see his/her family again. Hurricane Beryl has door-to-door peddlers like roofers out like rats, and scammers trying to sign you up for fake FEMA $$ or claim they are from your insurance company. Can't you just put up a no soliciting sign and ignore them?
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lurkyloo
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“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Jul 22, 2024 17:40:57 GMT -5
Apologies for flooding the general thread with eldercare woes. I will take a break and then resume posting in the designated thread. But the support, and reality checks, have been appreciated.
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 22, 2024 18:01:14 GMT -5
there's been some other posts about cognitive decline, so it's not just the hip. lurky is already a limited POA (I can't remember which function) and her brother is another. this is a rough couple of pages to read this afternoon, now that I'm back online. hugs to all of you that need them. My grandmother was starting to forget my grandpa was dead and she still passed the tests. Those tests for dementia are a joke. I was reading an article I think on CNN about it that as our understanding of how dementia works there is a push to change the tests so things like lack of ability to care for oneself is evaluated. Separating out things like spatial skills, long term memory retention, short term memory retention etc. Because everyone's dementia is different. My grandmother had all her spatial reasoning and as far as I know still does. She passed those tests with flying colors. My dad argued of course she would she was always whip smart in that regard. My grandmother was exhibiting personality changes. This is a woman who kept her house so clean you could eat off her toilet for as long as we could remember. Now she was living in filth. Something was very obviously wrong. Not according to the dementia tests it doesn't! She's exercising her free will to not clean! She's losing her short term memory ability but can still make long term memories. She remembers my mom died two years ago. She couldn't remember she was at GU's funeral 10 minutes after they left. She's starting to forget my grandfather is gone but she remembers my MIL is deceased. My dad also watched the doctors/nurses coach my grandmother. He was really shocked and argued they weren't evaluating HER at all. What he witnessed taking care of her meant absolutely nothing to the evaluation. All that mattered is she checked the boxes. You have to be REALLY freaking far gone to not pass those tests. This is my grandma. She remembers some stuff and not others. She's having trouble remembering my grandpa's name and she was married to him for almost 70 years. She's started referring to him as "him" or "my husband". My uncle that died about when my grandpa did who has always been the golden child she struggles to remember too. His name is Greg but she's started calling him Brian. However, she remembers when he hair appointments are and that she goes to the casino directly after church. There really isn't a rhyme or reason to what she remembers. At least to me anyway. She struggles to remember words she should know. One day I was talking to her about a Halloween costume I was going to wear and I was blanking on the word "braids" because that was how I was going to wear my hair. I asked her "how do you say trenzas in English?" She looked at me and said "trenzas." She's a native Spanish and English speaker, so she should know it. Then again, I guess maybe I should know both words too, but for some reason the English version of that one was escaping me at the moment.
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soupandstew
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Post by soupandstew on Jul 22, 2024 18:36:41 GMT -5
I am going to need some of that DNA erase spray because the next sorry SOB that comes to my door will not see his/her family again. Hurricane Beryl has door-to-door peddlers like roofers out like rats, and scammers trying to sign you up for fake FEMA $$ or claim they are from your insurance company. Can't you just put up a no soliciting sign and ignore them? Our subdivision does not have a no-soliciting policy. If you don't answer the door, it's waving a very red flag that no one is home, and your house is a great burglary target.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 22, 2024 18:52:15 GMT -5
I am thinking that it is a good thing I already have a counseling appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I’d already been feeling kind of down and emotional lately, and after the news I got this morning, I’ve been crying most of the day today.
These last few days, I’ve been remembering how several years ago, I learned to be careful about saying “I want…” because even if I really just meant “I like…” and didn’t really actually want that thing, Mister felt like it was his job to get it for me. I appreciated that he wanted me to have whatever I said I wanted, but I didn’t want him to feel that kind of pressure, so I learned to be more mindful about saying “I want”.
And I remembered how he use to try to fix problems for me if he could, because he didn’t like for me to be stressed.
Then I thought about how when my stomach really got crazy and I couldn’t get a follow-up appt with that first GI doctor, he tried to fix that by calling them for me.
Then I thought about how that was during the same time he was trying to fix everything for his parents, it was a couple months before his Mom died.
Then I ended up thinking how he did finally fix the financial mess for his parents but it was an ongoing battle with his Dad to make sure his Dad didn’t screw it all back up again, but all the other stuff going on with them and with me, he wasn’t able to fix any of it. His Mom died, then his Dad died, and he pushed me away when his Dad died.
It is not my imagination that we didn’t start falling apart until all of that was happening, there is proof in my old posts around here, before all of that happened, and in our texts and other things written before all of that. Wherever we go from here, it is important to me to know for sure that how I remember things being between us before we fell apart, is not just me looking back with rose colored glasses and making things up.
Like I said last week, things have been slowly improving, and the vibe in our home has been much better. We aren’t back to lovey dovey, but I no longer feel like I’m living with an angry bear. He is much more pleasant and agreeable. He’s being more thoughtful in general and doing more around the house without me asking, and when I do ask him to do something, I don’t have to remind him.
He’s also been talking about missing his parents lately. He’s sad that his Mom wasn’t here to make a big deal about his last promotion and cook one of her signature desserts in celebration like she would’ve done if she’d been here, and sad that his Dad isn’t here to play with his new car with him. He has talked more about his grief over the last month or so, than he has since his Dad died. I am not complaining about him talking about it, I would much rather he talk about it than keep stuffing it.
I also realized during all my crying today that I didn’t cry that all that much when either of Mister’s parents died. Which in hindsight, was odd, because death is one of the few things I can be a crybaby about and it doesn’t have to even be someone I’m really close to. I think it was because I felt like I had to try to be strong for him.
Anyway, just some random stuff that’s been on my mind.
I am going to go visit my friend after my appointment tomorrow. When I talked to her this afternoon, she was eating dinner with her daughter and her sister. I told her I’m off work tomorrow, I can do whatever she needs me to do even if it’s just to come give her a hug. She said “I need that”. I said a hug? She said yes. I said Now? I can come now. She said “no, tomorrow”. I said “I GOT YOU”. If I didn’t feel like I really need my appointment tomorrow, I’d cancel it and just go spend the whole day with her. I am going to text my counselor first thing in the morning and see if I can see her earlier, but if not, I’ll still be able to get to my friend in the early afternoon.
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soupandstew
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Post by soupandstew on Jul 22, 2024 19:11:10 GMT -5
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alabamagal
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Post by alabamagal on Jul 22, 2024 19:13:35 GMT -5
Feeling old. Apparently no one I work with knows the meaning of the 80s slang term “tubular”, only the meaning of “made from tubes”. So when I respond to a vial question as “totally tubular” I get funny looks.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 22, 2024 19:14:07 GMT -5
On a lighter note, Mister says his new car keeps trying to get him in trouble. He says she whispers things to him like, “you know I’m a Mustang, right? And Mustangs are horses that run wild and free? I have a whole lot of horses, PLEASE let me run!” and I couldn’t help but laugh when he said that. I reminded him that we use to have a track in the area where people can legally go play with their fast cars and told him that if it’s still open, he should go there one day. He drove it to work Friday. All week, he’d walk back and forth in the driveway, trying to resist temptation, and Friday temptation won lol. His main concern was that they steal cars at his job like they do at mine. A couple months ago, they stole a Charger in broad daylight at his job. Today he told me I could take her out for a spin if I thought that might make me feel better. Thanks, but no thanks, even on a good day I don’t want to be responsible for it. I did appreciate the offer though. I am enthused about the car, but for him, not for myself, if that makes sense. I did tell him I’m sure I’d do a better job ignoring those whispers than him. Maybe.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 22, 2024 19:16:29 GMT -5
Thank you for saying that.So are you.
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Post by The Walk of the Penguin Mich on Jul 22, 2024 19:45:05 GMT -5
On a lighter note, Mister says his new car keeps trying to get him in trouble. He says she whispers things to him like, “you know I’m a Mustang, right? And Mustangs are horses that run wild and free? I have a whole lot of horses, PLEASE let me run!” and I couldn’t help but laugh when he said that. I reminded him that we use to have a track in the area where people can legally go play with their fast cars and told him that if it’s still open, he should go there one day. He drove it to work Friday. All week, he’d walk back and forth in the driveway, trying to resist temptation, and Friday temptation won lol. His main concern was that they steal cars at his job like they do at mine. A couple months ago, they stole a Charger in broad daylight at his job. Today he told me I could take her out for a spin if I thought that might make me feel better. Thanks, but no thanks, even on a good day I don’t want to be responsible for it. I did appreciate the offer though. I am enthused about the car, but for him, not for myself, if that makes sense. I did tell him I’m sure I’d do a better job ignoring those whispers than him. Maybe. I get that, and so does TD. When he gets in the STi, if we are on a curvy road, he’s all about going as fast as he can. His car looks fast (plus it has a racing engine in it), so some young guy with a hot looking car tries to race him. They’ll blow by him, and 9/10 times, if I’m in the car I’ll ask him if he’s gonna let him get away with that. The funny thing is, this car goes much, much faster than his WRX but he got stopped all the time in that car. It was a given we were going to get stopped when he took me to or from the airport.
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lurkyloo
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“Time means nothing now,” said Toad. “It is just the thing that happens between snacks.”
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Post by lurkyloo on Jul 22, 2024 19:49:47 GMT -5
Feeling old. Apparently no one I work with knows the meaning of the 80s slang term “tubular”, only the meaning of “made from tubes”. So when I respond to a vial question as “totally tubular” I get funny looks. Hold on, I need to coordinate my neon men’s pocket t-shirt with matching socks
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Cheesy FL-Vol
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Post by Cheesy FL-Vol on Jul 22, 2024 19:54:39 GMT -5
Can't you just put up a no soliciting sign and ignore them? Our subdivision does not have a no-soliciting policy. If you don't answer the door, it's waving a very red flag that no one is home, and your house is a great burglary target. So, answer the door with a shotgun in hand and look menacing!
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ners
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Post by ners on Jul 22, 2024 20:01:42 GMT -5
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ners
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Post by ners on Jul 22, 2024 20:03:21 GMT -5
TheOtherMe Thanks for checking in. Wishing you continued healing and good pain management.
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ners
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Post by ners on Jul 22, 2024 20:03:41 GMT -5
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ners
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Post by ners on Jul 22, 2024 20:04:27 GMT -5
My dear friend's ex husband was found dead over the weekend. We met during my semester abroad and we've remained closed despite the fact we live on opposite coasts. We were each other's MOH. She had been married to him a little over 20 years, but he quit working and developed a drinking problem. About 2 years ago, she told him if she came home from work one more time and he was drunk, she was leaving. She kept to her word. Their 19 year old son found him at home. They do not yet know the cause of death. She feels responsible and very guilty. I wish i could be there for her.
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ners
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Post by ners on Jul 22, 2024 20:05:50 GMT -5
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ners
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Post by ners on Jul 22, 2024 20:06:52 GMT -5
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