what are you doing right now?

[cooper88]

minnesotapaintlady I'm so sorry about Elmer.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 25, 2023 18:53:17 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Just took the dogs for their afternoon walk.  TD said he took the dogs for a very long walk this morning, so I took them to the bottom of the road….about 1/2 mile down, and the same back but uphill.  Kronk had to pee on everything, as usual.

My post has nothing to do with the above. However, I just saw that Singapore Airlines has Black Friday deals and thought I should bring that to your attention in case the timing works and it could potentially save you some cash.

If it doesn't work nothing lost. Just carry on

[Pink Cashmere]

My bad attitude did not improve during the day. If anything, it is even worse.

Just like I’ve told Kiddo sometimes when he’s driving me crazy with all his constant chatter, that I wish I could take my ears off and throw them in the back yard somewhere, sometimes I wish I could remove my brain and set it aside for a while too. 

I am a worrier by nature, and probably an over thinker too, so I have often been consumed with thoughts about my situation with Mister lately. Not always, but when it’s bad, it’s BAD. I mostly think and worry about how imma get myself out of this situation, and not so much how things can be fixed with Mister. It pains me to admit that, but it’s the truth.

He is still trying to be more affectionate with me, but it rings hollow to me, because I do not trust him now. If he is sincere in trying to make things right with me, trying to lovebomb me isn’t where it’s at. 

I have been simmering on a low point of anger for a while now. It doesn’t take much to up it a notch. But so far, I have managed to not reach boiling point, and please God, I hope nothing happens to take me there. I’d really rather not be angry at all, but I can’t seem to figure out how to not be, right now. The only way I know to stop being so angry, is maybe to forgive him, but I can’t do that right now. Not yet. I talk about the value of forgiveness for the person that forgives, even if the person you forgive doesn’t own their shit, and is not remorseful. But I  also believe that forgiveness does not necessarily include giving that person the opportunity to hurt/harm you again, if you feel and believe that removing them and their access to you and your life is in your best interest. 

Right now, I’d just really rather not be angry. And get some sleep. I really just need some sleep. I can deal with Mister later.

[finnime]

Four things making me happy right now:

DSis told me sincerely that my photography is really art, which I do want it to be seen as. To prove her point she showed me side by side photos we had each taken of a gazebo near a pond. Hers was a decnt snapshot. Mine, taken 10 feet away, was composed well and appeared to depict a sort of fairy land. It was the same components, but a different picture altogether.

A person I don't know who had bought something from my website came back and bought some calendars. I guess s/he really likes their purchase.

Apple pie, leftover.

Franklin the Dog placing his paw confidentially on my knee while he looks at me with great devotion.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 25, 2023 18:39:32 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Nov 25, 2023 18:02:46 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

This was Buldok which I believe means "fire chicken". 

There are folks who think Mexican food is hot - they have never eaten Asian food.  Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean - they all have peppers that make ours look like baby food.  However, they are all excellent for clearing sinuses 

No kidding. Nam pla pikinoo (hose tiny little peppers including their seeds, cut up and steeped in fish sauce) generously added to Thai food  comes to mind. At one time, living in Bangkok, I could keep up with the locals - no more. That really is a use it or lose it ability and I lost it...

[finnime]

I hope you get some good, sound sleep, Pink Cashmere, that gives you strength and hope. That is all.

[busymom]

Nov 25, 2023 19:16:45 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 25, 2023 19:00:09 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Are you sure? Was there anything that told you for sure it was him? Maybe it's a neighbor's chicken. Or is that me just hoping it wasn't him?

Yes, I'm sure.  I'm missing a black rooster and it was black rooster feathers strewn about in a 6 foot circle area, like 20 feet from my barn. I do have one black hen, but it's easy to tell rooster from hen feathers...and she's fine.  All my other hens are brown or red and the neighbor kids don't have chickens.

      Oh no!  I'm sorry about Elmer.


       I hate it when people visit with their dog.  DH has a couple of relatives who bring their dogs to family gatherings all of the time.  I don't mind something like a pocket dog, but you've got food on the table, etc., I'd prefer people leave their bigger fur babies at home.  They just add to family drama when they don't behave.

[Opti]

Nov 25, 2023 20:03:10 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 25, 2023 18:39:32 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

There are folks who think Mexican food is hot - they have never eaten Asian food.  Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean - they all have peppers that make ours look like baby food.  However, they are all excellent for clearing sinuses 

No kidding. Nam pla pikinoo (hose tiny little peppers including their seeds, cut up and steeped in fish sauce) generously added to Thai food  comes to mind. At one time, living in Bangkok, I could keep up with the locals - no more. That really is a use it or lose it ability and I lost it...

Nice, when or what ages did you live in Bangkok? Going to Thailand is possibly my top bucket list travel priority. 

[Opti]

Nov 25, 2023 20:02:03 GMT -5 finnime said:

Four things making me happy right now:

DSis told me sincerely that my photography is really art, which I do want it to be seen as. To prove her point she showed me side by side photos we had each taken of a gazebo near a pond. Hers was a decnt snapshot. Mine, taken 10 feet away, was composed well and appeared to depict a sort of fairy land. It was the same components, but a different picture altogether.

A person I don't know who had bought something from my website came back and bought some calendars. I guess s/he really likes their purchase.

Apple pie, leftover.

Franklin the Dog placing his paw confidentially on my knee while he looks at me with great devotion.

Your photography is art. If you lived in NJ or the DE area I'd tell you which places to show your work. I used to do the rounds of Wildlife Festivals back in the day. Some top notch artists, I've met in person and I was privileged to be in each of their homes once.

FWIW, my dad loves taking pictures. He took a picture of a place in Dinkesbuhl Germany because he loved my version of it. It was a pic I took in HS while on a 3 or 2 week Europe trip. I stage them together in my home.

[azucena]

Pink - I've learned thru therapy that anger is an 'easy' emotion for me and often covers up harder ones like sadness and fear. Anger lets me feel more in control somehow. Sometimes if I stop and let myself feel past the anger, I can connect with my truer emotions.

Rooting for you and your best outcome whatever you decide that is.

[Pink Cashmere]

On a happier note, the dogs have finally decided to play with the jolly ball I bought last year. It is in the living room, where their toy basket is, even though it is too big to fit in the basket.

I guess one of the good things about our living room not being set up with furniture, is that is the biggest space in the house that the digs can run around and play safely, when the weather doesn’t permit them running around in the backyard. After my last post, I walked through the living room, and Boy was playing with the jolly ball, and I spent a good 15 minutes entertaining both of us by kicking it across the room for him to chase it. When I walked over, he stopped messing with it so I could kick it again. And as soon as I kicked it, off he went. That was fun.

He still has not discovered that it has a handle on it, he bites on the ball itself. Newbie knows she can toss it around by the handle. When she heard us in the living room, she ran in there, I shooed her out and told Mister to get her. Only because I know from experience that  she would’ve definitely taken over and not let Boy get the ball anymore, and I didn’t think that would be fair since he was playing with it first.

So now Boy is panting, and tired. I consider that a win lol.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 25, 2023 20:03:10 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 25, 2023 18:39:32 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

There are folks who think Mexican food is hot - they have never eaten Asian food.  Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean - they all have peppers that make ours look like baby food.  However, they are all excellent for clearing sinuses 

No kidding. Nam pla pikinoo (hose tiny little peppers including their seeds, cut up and steeped in fish sauce) generously added to Thai food  comes to mind. At one time, living in Bangkok, I could keep up with the locals - no more. That really is a use it or lose it ability and I lost it...

I have some pretty high tolerance, but this was painful.  DS substituted ghost pepper for some kind of pepper steeped in fish sauce, but I'm not sure if those were the ones.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 25, 2023 20:07:54 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nov 25, 2023 19:16:45 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Yes, I'm sure.  I'm missing a black rooster and it was black rooster feathers strewn about in a 6 foot circle area, like 20 feet from my barn. I do have one black hen, but it's easy to tell rooster from hen feathers...and she's fine.  All my other hens are brown or red and the neighbor kids don't have chickens.

      Oh no!  I'm sorry about Elmer.


       I hate it when people visit with their dog.  DH has a couple of relatives who bring their dogs to family gatherings all of the time.  I don't mind something like a pocket dog, but you've got food on the table, etc., I'd prefer people leave their bigger fur babies at home.  They just add to family drama when they don't behave.

My ex BIL and his wife used to bring their dogs to everything and the one was dangerous.  He was a big dog and a fear biter and not well socialized rescues (despite them taking them everywhere as adults).  He would sit on the steps and growl at people going by and there were so many kids.  If you tried to tell them to lock them in a bedroom or a horse stall they would get all offended that "their" children were discriminated against while everyone else's could run amok. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 25, 2023 20:24:45 GMT -5 azucena said:

Pink - I've learned thru therapy that anger is an 'easy' emotion for me and often covers up harder ones like sadness and fear. Anger lets me feel more in control somehow. Sometimes if I stop and let myself feel past the anger, I can connect with my truer emotions.

Rooting for you and your best outcome whatever you decide that is.

Yeah, I say that anger is a secondary emotion. It is useful, because it points out where we feel there is injustice or whatever, but on a personal level, we are served with rooting out the primary emotions underneath the anger. That’s my opinion anyway, and I’ve never gone to anybody’s school of psychology or human behavior.

But being aware of that, I know what is underneath my anger. It is hurt feelings, sadness, and disappointment. And also, if I’m really honest….. fear. Even though we aren’t married, and I’m the reason we didn’t get married before all this shit happened, I did trust Mister enough to do some things that in hindsight, did not and do not serve me well. I have yet to figure out how I can start over at this point in my life, in a way that I can feel good about.

So I’m really just out here looking and feeling, very, very stupid. And that makes me angry more than all the other shit.

[azucena]

Don't call my internet friend Pink stupid. She was just going off of the information that she had at the time.

[ners]

minnesotapaintlady So sorry about Elmer.

[raeoflyte]

Went to the game store with my folks and we picked up most of the kids Christmas gifts. I need to reconcile everything we have but hopeful that this year we could actually be done "early".

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 25, 2023 18:35:02 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Once upon a time when we were young we gave an epic New Year's Eve party in our very first house.  We were very specific that everyone and everything was welcome, but not in the house.  There was a firepit in the backyard for those partaking of anything except alcohol.  This was the late 70's so there was plenty of "anything".  DH and I were both municipal employees and there was a zero tolerance policy at the time.  

My friends coming to a party was also in the late 70's.  When we decided to get an apartment together, I told my friend this was something that could not happen.  

She had warned them but they thought they could talk me in to it.  

I fully admit to partaking in grad school, but I wasn't working for the federal government then.  Besides, my grad student dorm always smelled like pot.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 25, 2023 19:33:05 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

There is a pretty big hole in the holiday season. I don't think that is ever going to go away. Christmas is just too tightly associated with my mom.

Drama, my mom was a big Christmas person.  By this time of the year, the entire house would be completely decorated.  I do have Santa and Mrs. Claus salt and pepper shakers and her Little Women Hallmark ornaments.  My sister thinks she has them but I bought NIB ornaments because when we went through things, she didn't want them.  She never read Little Women.  She didn't know the story.  I read it several times as a kid.  I was having the originals and I do.  My former boss suggested it was worth the money to get her off my back.  It was.  

You are correct in there is a big hole in the holiday season and I have learned that for me, it is not going away.  She died in 2014 and this time of year is extremely difficult for me.  It's not just mom.  My family has suffered too many losses very close to Christmas.  

My maternal grandmother died on Christmas Eve.  That was the worst Christmas of my life and I was 9 years old.  Here we all were at grandma and grandpa's house.  That was back when the body was laid out at the house.  So grandma was there.  

When dad died on December 19, the one thing we immediately agreed on was that he had to be buried before Christmas.  We got some pushback from the funeral home, but they did it.  

They ended up doing another one for someone who had their person cremated and didn't even call until they got to town for Christmas.  

[andi9899]

Nov 25, 2023 19:16:45 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 25, 2023 19:00:09 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Are you sure? Was there anything that told you for sure it was him? Maybe it's a neighbor's chicken. Or is that me just hoping it wasn't him?

Yes, I'm sure.  I'm missing a black rooster and it was black rooster feathers strewn about in a 6 foot circle area, like 20 feet from my barn. I do have one black hen, but it's easy to tell rooster from hen feathers...and she's fine.  All my other hens are brown or red and the neighbor kids don't have chickens.

☹️

[busymom]

Nov 25, 2023 20:38:46 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 25, 2023 20:07:54 GMT -5 busymom said:

      Oh no!  I'm sorry about Elmer.


       I hate it when people visit with their dog.  DH has a couple of relatives who bring their dogs to family gatherings all of the time.  I don't mind something like a pocket dog, but you've got food on the table, etc., I'd prefer people leave their bigger fur babies at home.  They just add to family drama when they don't behave.

My ex BIL and his wife used to bring their dogs to everything and the one was dangerous.  He was a big dog and a fear biter and not well socialized rescues (despite them taking them everywhere as adults).  He would sit on the steps and growl at people going by and there were so many kids.  If you tried to tell them to lock them in a bedroom or a horse stall they would get all offended that "their" children were discriminated against while everyone else's could run amok. 

   I guess I'm kind of a hard-ass.  You bring your dog to my place without an invitation, unless it's a pocket dog it gets sent to my fenced-in yard.  Sucks to be you if they don't like it, but hey, my house, my rules.  

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 25, 2023 20:24:45 GMT -5 azucena said:

Pink - I've learned thru therapy that anger is an 'easy' emotion for me and often covers up harder ones like sadness and fear. Anger lets me feel more in control somehow. Sometimes if I stop and let myself feel past the anger, I can connect with my truer emotions.

Rooting for you and your best outcome whatever you decide that is.

Oh good gracious, that is brilliant. I feel like I should pay your next therapy appointment co-pay for you. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

We are home. We've unloaded the truck, and I've had chamomile lavender tea. I'm going to bed, finish a book, and then to sleep. Lots to do tomorrow. 

[andi9899]

Nov 25, 2023 20:38:46 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Nov 25, 2023 20:07:54 GMT -5 busymom said:

      Oh no!  I'm sorry about Elmer.


       I hate it when people visit with their dog.  DH has a couple of relatives who bring their dogs to family gatherings all of the time.  I don't mind something like a pocket dog, but you've got food on the table, etc., I'd prefer people leave their bigger fur babies at home.  They just add to family drama when they don't behave.

My ex BIL and his wife used to bring their dogs to everything and the one was dangerous.  He was a big dog and a fear biter and not well socialized rescues (despite them taking them everywhere as adults).  He would sit on the steps and growl at people going by and there were so many kids.  If you tried to tell them to lock them in a bedroom or a horse stall they would get all offended that "their" children were discriminated against while everyone else's could run amok. 

I can't stand that. I don't take the twins anywhere unless I know it's OK. Even at that, I still don’t take them because they're a lot. They'd never growl or bite anyone. The worst they do is beg for pets and food. I don't really think of it as a big or little thing, but more of a socialization/training thing. Even with the best trained dog, I'd never bring them unless it was specifically requested or told to me by the host that it is ok. I also would put them in a room or crate even before the host would ask me. Either that or we'd leave.

[Opti]

Nov 25, 2023 20:40:12 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 25, 2023 20:24:45 GMT -5 azucena said:

Pink - I've learned thru therapy that anger is an 'easy' emotion for me and often covers up harder ones like sadness and fear. Anger lets me feel more in control somehow. Sometimes if I stop and let myself feel past the anger, I can connect with my truer emotions.

Rooting for you and your best outcome whatever you decide that is.

Yeah, I say that anger is a secondary emotion. It is useful, because it points out where we feel there is injustice or whatever, but on a personal level, we are served with rooting out the primary emotions underneath the anger. That’s my opinion anyway, and I’ve never gone to anybody’s school of psychology or human behavior.

But being aware of that, I know what is underneath my anger. It is hurt feelings, sadness, and disappointment. And also, if I’m really honest….. fear. Even though we aren’t married, and I’m the reason we didn’t get married before all this shit happened, I did trust Mister enough to do some things that in hindsight, did not and do not serve me well. I have yet to figure out how I can start over at this point in my life, in a way that I can feel good about.

So I’m really just out here looking and feeling, very, very stupid. And that makes me angry more than all the other shit.

FEAR - False Expectations Appearing Real

I've been remembering my past mistakes and choices as we near the end of this year. But I will echo what someone else said, if in the time you knew what you knew, you really would have made a different decision - maybe its a cause for concern but you can't change the past (unless you have multiverse powers), all you can do is modify how you look at it. And decide how you want to play similar situations in the future. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 25, 2023 19:57:30 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 25, 2023 18:53:17 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Just took the dogs for their afternoon walk.  TD said he took the dogs for a very long walk this morning, so I took them to the bottom of the road….about 1/2 mile down, and the same back but uphill.  Kronk had to pee on everything, as usual.

My post has nothing to do with the above. However, I just saw that Singapore Airlines has Black Friday deals and thought I should bring that to your attention in case the timing works and it could potentially save you some cash.

If it doesn't work nothing lost. Just carry on

Right now, I’m holding my breath we still have a reservation on Singapore Air.  We paid, got a record locator number for both the Singapore air and Thai Airways flights.  Record info pulled up our reservation on the TA flight, and I printed out our itinerary.  I went to print it out for Singapore Air and the record number isn’t recognized.  8 need this info for our visas.  I contacted the travel agent that booked these flights, and she’s needing to do some scrambling now.  Not happy about this, especially since they’ve been paid.  

[laterbloomer]

Nov 25, 2023 20:40:12 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 25, 2023 20:24:45 GMT -5 azucena said:

Pink - I've learned thru therapy that anger is an 'easy' emotion for me and often covers up harder ones like sadness and fear. Anger lets me feel more in control somehow. Sometimes, if I stop and let myself feel past the anger, I can connect with my truer emotions.

Rooting for you and your best outcome whatever you decide that is.

Yeah, I say that anger is a secondary emotion. It is useful because it points out where we feel there is injustice or whatever, but on a personal level, we are served with rooting out the primary emotions underneath the anger. That’s my opinion anyway, and I’ve never gone to anybody’s school of psychology or human behavior.

But being aware of that, I know what is underneath my anger. It is hurt feelings, sadness, and disappointment. And also, if I’m really honest….. fear. Even though we aren’t married, and I’m the reason we didn’t get married before all this shit happened, I did trust Mister enough to do some things that in hindsight, did not and do not serve me well. I have yet to figure out how I can start over at this point in my life, in a way that I can feel good about.

So I’m really just out here looking and feeling, very, very stupid. And that makes me angry more than all the other shit.

As I read recently, you're not starting over, you're starting from experience. And I have discovered that is true. When i lost what i thought was my dream job 6 yrs ago i was devastated. It had taken me over 20 years to get to that point in my career. I was picturing it taking another 20 years to get back there. That's not how it worked. I got other jobs based on my experienceand now I'm not only financially ahead of where i was, i'm emotionally and spiritually ahead. And I didn’teven know I needed that.

Do you ever watch biographies of famous people? One thing I notice about them is that the rough times the person went through are always presented as something the person overcame to get where they ended up. When I'm getting down on myself, I picture how a biographer would present my story. Somehow, they turn what I think of as the biggest failures into the biggest triumphs.

[countrygirl2]

I am trying to stop some of the gift giving too. The kids need nothing. But we have to get something for DD and for grandson. It is almost impossible to find things any of us need.  As son said what do we do exchange money or gift cards? 

It is all a commercial push, we realize that, but to break that habit is a hard one. Like grandson was thinking a metal detector might be fun. Wouldn't you know, he already has one, sigh. 

Our homes are stuffed, its a waste of money yet we just keep doing it. Maybe we can change some of that this year.

Way late, I need to go to bed.

I can't find my gas ex and boy do I need it tonight, burping, belching, and farts. If isn't one silly thing with me its another.

[toomuchreality]

Nov 25, 2023 10:16:36 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I have officially completed another trip around the sun. I was going to clean today since I have time. It's supposed to snow today so I'm not going anywhere. Then I decided not to. I don't wanna clean on my birthday. I'm going to be lazy and finish my Britney Spears book. I'll take a shower and do a face mask later. I may order food this afternoon since I won't be cooking.

Happy birthday! Sorry I'm late.
Glad you didn't spend the day cleaning. 😊

[Opti]

HB Andi, actual date in the month 25 or 24?
(I don't know what day it is. I survived work and was useful enough this last 1 and a half working days. Off tomorrow and then back to work all day for Cyber monday.

I think it is the 26th now here in NJ.