what are you doing right now?

[Opti]

Nov 22, 2023 23:01:04 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

Nov 22, 2023 22:42:05 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

No the backstory I referred to was that the night before, I asked if he had completed the order he’d asked me to start a few days before. He said no, he needed to look at his bank account, and I called bullshit on that, because I knew he had plenty of money. He was basically playing crazy, and I guess didn’t expect me to call him in it. But I did, so he completed the order and made the pickup time at a time he would still be at work and I’d have to pick it up. 

I was going to tell you to tell him to change the time so he can pick them up. Then I remembered I am twice divorced. Don't take relationship advice from me. Unless you're looking to get out.

I don't want to do two divorces either, but sometimes I think I am trying too hard to get the next time right. My mom was married three times. Two divorces and her second husband died of cancer in less than two years after they married. He was a great man and I wish he got to be in her life and mine a little longer. I love my dad but totally understand why she had to leave. I have no idea what ultimately split them up.

Life is so individual. I hope selfishly that things even out for both Pink and Mister within a year, but that's probably my romantic optimism. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 22, 2023 23:10:29 GMT -5 Opti said:

Nov 22, 2023 23:01:04 GMT -5 laterbloomer said:

I was going to tell you to tell him to change the time so he can pick them up. Then I remembered I am twice divorced. Don't take relationship advice from me. Unless you're looking to get out.

I don't want to do two divorces either, but sometimes I think I am trying too hard to get the next time right. My mom was married three times. Two divorces and her second husband died of cancer in less than two years after they married. He was a great man and I wish he got to be in her life and mine a little longer. I love my dad but totally understand why she had to leave. I have no idea what ultimately split them up.

Life is so individual. I hope selfishly that things even out for both Pink and Mister within a year, but that's probably my romantic optimism. 

Thank you for hoping that. Ultimately, I actually hope for the same. Except the timeframe in which I need to see some real progress from him, and make my decisions, is much shorter than a year. I am willing to let him take as much time as he needs, but I reserve the right to bail as far as how he treats me.

[Peace77]

Nov 22, 2023 22:42:05 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 22, 2023 21:51:59 GMT -5 Opti said:

Pink, I agree with you on the grocery pick up. It’s basically saying he thinks groceries are your job. It’s one thing for you to have made that agreement, but it reads as if you two have fallen into various roles over time. 

No the backstory I referred to was that the night before, I asked if he had completed the order he’d asked me to start a few days before. He said no, he needed to look at his bank account, and I called bullshit on that, because I knew he had plenty of money. He was basically playing crazy, and I guess didn’t expect me to call him in it. But I did, so he completed the order and made the pickup time at a time he would still be at work and I’d have to pick it up. 

What I was trying to say is that it isn’t about the money.  That was just a deflection.  What he’s really saying is that you always take care of getting the groceries.  If he’s paying then he still made sure that you would get the groceries.

[chiver78]

Nov 22, 2023 21:45:00 GMT -5 busymom said:

Hi Kids!  I just got back from Target.  Not by choice, but of course no one told me we were getting too low on dishwasher soap & garbage bags.  You can't get through Thanksgiving weekend without a lot of both, and I'm not planning on going out on Black Friday.  

for future reference, Home Depot and Lowes both carry these things, and usually at better prices than Walmart/Target. if I don't need a full cart run, I'll just go to HD. it's closer for me, anyway.

[Opti]

Nov 23, 2023 0:23:04 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Nov 22, 2023 22:42:05 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

No the backstory I referred to was that the night before, I asked if he had completed the order he’d asked me to start a few days before. He said no, he needed to look at his bank account, and I called bullshit on that, because I knew he had plenty of money. He was basically playing crazy, and I guess didn’t expect me to call him in it. But I did, so he completed the order and made the pickup time at a time he would still be at work and I’d have to pick it up. 

What I was trying to say is that it isn’t about the money.  That was just a deflection.  What he’s really saying is that you always take care of getting the groceries.  If he’s paying then he still made sure that you would get the groceries.

Interesting take. Could be true, IDK. My XH and I had a division of labor for ordering out and picking up in our early years at big Telco. Especially for Chinese takeout, he preferred I made the call, and he did the pickup. He probably liked I was very clear and precise when placing the order, and it was pretty easy for him to go when they told us (ready) in 10 minute or 15 minutes. It was a big ordeal to get him to swap responsibilities for the Chinese place, and we probably ordered from them once a week at times.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 23, 2023 0:31:28 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Nov 22, 2023 21:45:00 GMT -5 busymom said:

Hi Kids!  I just got back from Target.  Not by choice, but of course no one told me we were getting too low on dishwasher soap & garbage bags.  You can't get through Thanksgiving weekend without a lot of both, and I'm not planning on going out on Black Friday.  

for future reference, Home Depot and Lowes both carry these things, and usually at better prices than Walmart/Target. if I don't need a full cart run, I'll just go to HD. it's closer for me, anyway.

Costco for me - but I am all! Costco'd out for the year. Once you need to start planning your "escape route" from the parking lot, it is time to call it quits. I'll be back late January once I return from Europe. The things I need before then will be TJs or my regulsr supermarket

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 23, 2023 0:23:04 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Nov 22, 2023 22:42:05 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

No the backstory I referred to was that the night before, I asked if he had completed the order he’d asked me to start a few days before. He said no, he needed to look at his bank account, and I called bullshit on that, because I knew he had plenty of money. He was basically playing crazy, and I guess didn’t expect me to call him in it. But I did, so he completed the order and made the pickup time at a time he would still be at work and I’d have to pick it up. 

What I was trying to say is that it isn’t about the money.  That was just a deflection.  What he’s really saying is that you always take care of getting the groceries.  If he’s paying then he still made sure that you would get the groceries.

Ok, that makes sense for that incident.

But the rest of what he has been saying, has most definitely been about money and how I have not been contributing to our household like I had been before my stomach went haywire. Which I finally was able to get my thoughts together enough about, to be able to articulate to him…. wasn’t even really about my income falling off, but was really about the fact that him having to spend more money in OUR household, made it uncomfortable to him, to dish out all the money he was, into other households, and do whatever else he was use to doing with his money.

I have said here before that he spent 10’s of thousands of dollars fixing the mess his Dad had made of his parents’ finances, and trying to keep his parents’ house so his Mom would have a home to come to whenever she recovered and could live at home again, which, unfortunately didn’t happen. He spent thousands more, burying his Mom and paying for odds and ends related to her funeral. Even after he started managing his Dad’s money for him, he still paid for a lot of stuff for him, out of his own pockets.

I won’t even get into his daughter’s Mom, but I will say that he was also paying tuition for both of his daughters to go to college, and other related expenses, and paying for other things they needed and just wanted. 

I don’t begrudge him doing what he felt he needed to do for his parents, or helping his daughters with college expenses. I just feel like when he started getting stressed about all of the money flying out of his pockets and bank accounts, he should’ve been honest with himself and everybody else and said “this is too much” instead of getting mad at me because he had to spend more money to take care of HIS household, when there was a real and genuine reason that I was not contributing as much as I had been. 

He spent all of that money bailing his Dad out, and more, paying for shit for his Dad on a regular basis, and paid thousands of dollars to bury his Mom and pay for shit for her funeral, because his DAD was irresponsible. That had nothing to do with me. He still gives his daughters’ Mom a nice sum of money in child support every month because he is too lazy to stop it after he understood that it is not simple to stop it, with the excuse that it helps his daughters. But he still paid tuition and still provided what his daughters said they needed and wanted. And with all the money their Mom still receives from him in CS, for 2 ADULT children, OD is riding around with no insurance and tags that expired idk how long ago. The excuse for the lack of insurance is that OD has gotten enough speeding tickets that her insurance would be about $500/month.

In my mind, if she wants to keep driving her vehicle, she should be required to get a fucking job to at least pay the insurance, since it’s her own fault that it’s so expensive. And since she doesn’t have insurance, if she is involved in an accident and gets sued, guess who they are going to call for more money. MISTER! I have said all of that to Mister and even tried the angle of what they are teaching OD about being a responsible adult, but nothing has changed.

I could go on and on about a lot of stuff. 

But I’M the gold digger that is using him! When, before all of this happened, I operated like my money was his money too. And thought the same was true in reverse, even though I used my savings when my shit hit the fan, to avoid having to ask him for money. But it’s okay that all these other people are entitled to his money, and I became the problem when doing all that shit made his money tight, instead of the problem being what he was doing for the other ADULTS that were benefitting from so much of his money being spent and given. 

I do have an issue with the CS he is still paying, but everything else, I never gave one fuck about him doing what he felt he should do for his parents or his children. I am upset and angry because I honestly believe that his problem with me is because it would’ve been easier for him to go all out on all of that shit, if he hadn’t had to spend more money taking care of our household because my income was lacking. 

Basically, what I was going through, made it uncomfortable to him, to spend/give a lot of money on/to people that were irresponsible and actually using him. But it is easier for him to believe that I am the user, and a gold digger, than be honest with himself. 

[Pink Cashmere]

There are some things that cause me a great deal of stress, that I have never talked about here. Which means that my life is even more crazy and stressful than you all know about.

I won’t spend tomorrow surrounded by friends and family, but I will keep in mind that for me, Thanksgiving Day, means being grateful for the good things in life. As crazy as my life is and has been, I have always and still do, have a lot to be grateful for. So I will focus on gratitude and all of the things I am thankful for, for at least the next 24 hours. I know that enlightened people say it should just be a way of life, but I’m not there yet. So focusing on gratitude for a whole day, instead of problems, is a start imo. 

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to all of you, and I sincerely hope it is a great day, in whatever way is meaningful, to all of you!

[laterbloomer]

Nov 23, 2023 1:51:26 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 23, 2023 0:23:04 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

What I was trying to say is that it isn’t about the money.  That was just a deflection.  What he’s really saying is that you always take care of getting the groceries.  If he’s paying then he still made sure that you would get the groceries.

Ok, that makes sense for that incident.

But the rest of what he has been saying, has most definitely been about money and how I have not been contributing to our household like I had been before my stomach went haywire. Which I finally was able to get my thoughts together enough about, to be able to articulate to him…. wasn’t even really about my income falling off, but was really about the fact that him having to spend more money in OUR household, made it uncomfortable to him, to dish out all the money he was, into other households, and do whatever else he was use to doing with his money.

I have said here before that he spent 10’s of thousands of dollars fixing the mess his Dad had made of his parents’ finances, and trying to keep his parents’ house so his Mom would have a home to come to whenever she recovered and could live at home again, which, unfortunately didn’t happen. He spent thousands more, burying his Mom and paying for odds and ends related to her funeral. Even after he started managing his Dad’s money for him, he still paid for a lot of stuff for him, out of his own pockets.

I won’t even get into his daughter’s Mom, but I will say that he was also paying tuition for both of his daughters to go to college, and other related expenses, and paying for other things they needed and just wanted. 

I don’t begrudge him doing what he felt he needed to do for his parents, or helping his daughters with college expenses. I just feel like when he started getting stressed about all of the money flying out of his pockets and bank accounts, he should’ve been honest with himself and everybody else and said “this is too much” instead of getting mad at me because he had to spend more money to take care of HIS household, when there was a real and genuine reason that I was not contributing as much as I had been. 

He spent all of that money bailing his Dad out, and more, paying for shit for his Dad on a regular basis, and paid thousands of dollars to bury his Mom and pay for shit for her funeral, because his DAD was irresponsible. That had nothing to do with me. He still gives his daughters’ Mom a nice sum of money in child support every month because he is too lazy to stop it after he understood that it is not simple to stop it, with the excuse that it helps his daughters. But he still paid tuition and still provided what his daughters said they needed and wanted. And with all the money their Mom still receives from him in CS, for 2 ADULT children, OD is riding around with no insurance and tags that expired idk how long ago. The excuse for the lack of insurance is that OD has gotten enough speeding tickets that her insurance would be about $500/month.

In my mind, if she wants to keep driving her vehicle, she should be required to get a fucking job to at least pay the insurance, since it’s her own fault that it’s so expensive. And since she doesn’t have insurance, if she is involved in an accident and gets sued, guess who they are going to call for more money. MISTER! I have said all of that to Mister and even tried the angle of what they are teaching OD about being a responsible adult, but nothing has changed.

I could go on and on about a lot of stuff. 

But I’M the gold digger that is using him! When, before all of this happened, I operated like my money was his money too. And thought the same was true in reverse, even though I used my savings when my shit hit the fan, to avoid having to ask him for money. But it’s okay that all these other people are entitled to his money, and I became the problem when doing all that shit made his money tight, instead of the problem being what he was doing for the other ADULTS that were benefitting from so much of his money being spent and given. 

I do have an issue with the CS he is still paying, but everything else, I never gave one fuck about him doing what he felt he should do for his parents or his children. I am upset and angry because I honestly believe that his problem with me is because it would’ve been easier for him to go all out on all of that shit, if he hadn’t had to spend more money taking care of our household because my income was lacking. 

Basically, what I was going through, made it uncomfortable to him, to spend/give a lot of money on/to people that were irresponsible and actually using him. But it is easier for him to believe that I am the user, and a gold digger, than be honest with himself. 

I repeat, he does not believe you are a gold digger. There is no way paying a utility bill in the house he lives in translates to you getting all kinds of money from him. He does not believe that. He just thinks it sounds better than saying he wanted more of your money towards CS for the baby momma. Do not let him suck you into these long winded discussions. He knows where his money's been going and that he has been taking advantage of you financially. He's deflecting

[finnime]

Good morning, royalty of Y Ma'am, who come to visit virtually my little self. Welcome to Thursday, Thanksgiving for all who celebrate and Black Friday eve, a day for reflection and gratitude, for everyone. I hope your day is happy. 

I'm getting ready to make the stuffing, sweep the floors and empty the dishwasher. And stack beverages in the kitchen so they're not in the way of all the cooking to be done.

My family tradition is that everyone brings some type of dish to share and ODB buys and cooks the meat. I generally do dessert baking because I like that. So we'll have an eclectic assortment of h'ors doeuvres as people are inspired and a lot of side dishes from which to dine. I need to bring up DH's grandfather's china from the basement, and set out the flatware and serving dishes after I'm done cleaning. 

ODB will be here some time around 6, I think. Maybe later. The turkey won't need to go in until 8-ish. I told people to plan on being here about 2. DNiece's family is coming from New Hampshire; they get the prize for longest commute. Others are arriving from all over Mass. 

I am very grateful for this life and for all of you.

Yesterday we had a rather violent storm in the morning and it was rainy all day. This picture I took one year ago. Tiny dinosaurs watch the sun dawn:

[daisylu]

Just decided to add deviled eggs to today's menu. These people better recognize how much I love them. (The people, not the eggs. )

[CCL]

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

[daisylu]

Still trying to come up with things to add to my Amazon wish list so DH can give me Christmas gifts. I did add a Yeti hot shot lid as I only have 1 and it world be nice to have another to use between washings. And I found another lid that I like that has a handle for carrying - most of my cups do not have handles, which makes it a hassle when carrying other stuff.

[MarionTh230]

Woke up a few minutes before 6am because I had to pee.  Getting older sucks because there was no going back to sleep after that.  There is no reason for me to be that up early on a holiday!

[MarionTh230]

Pink, it sounds like you are his safe space so he can lash out at you whereas he can't lash out at any of the other people in his life that are using him and causing him stress.  Does not make it ok.  And really, it sounds like it's more than just grief.  It's an emotionally immature response.

I agree with Later.  I'm not sure he really believes you are a gold digger.  But you are the easy target for him to deflect on to.  He has to deal with his issues with other people and stop deflecting those issues onto you.  

In the meantime, I hope you find at least a few minutes of peace each day.  None of this is easy.

[bean29]

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is 7:05. I have to get up, pee & walk the dogs.

DS’s Girlfriend asked for a steam mop to clean her hardwood floors. Does anyone use one? Concerned it might damage finish? If you have a particular recommendation I would appreciate some input.

This is what she asked for-maybe I should buy something nicer? I would easily spend 150-200 on her.

www.target.com/p/shark-professional-steam-pocket-mop-s3601/-/A-13330454

[MarionTh230]

Nov 22, 2023 21:17:28 GMT -5 notagain said:

Marion how's brooks Anderson doing?

Awww, so sweet of you to ask!  Short answer is Brooks is spoiled rotten.

We built him a cat house out of a cardboard box.  Put a couple stick and peel carpet squares inside on the floor.  Used a few peel and stick tiles to decorate the roof to look like shingles.  He likes to hide his jingle ball toys in there.

Got him his own blanket.  Plush and soft, though I don't know the exact name for that type of fabric.  Throw sized so not huge.  Perfect for a cat.  It stays on the floor in the living room at the end of the coffee table.  He sits and lays and sleeps on it.  Lets him be surrounded by humans all the time while still having his own space.

Kiddo and DH play with him all the time and Brooks loves it.  We knew when we first got him he was very affectionate but he also likes interacting with humans to play.  Not the kind of cat who wants humans to leave him alone.  Have a few cat wands.  Kiddo likes the one with the fish on the end and plays fishing with Brooks.  He likes to catch the fish.  DH likes the ribbon one.  Brooks prefers to chase that one rather than "catch" it.

Bought him a couple of toys when we first got him while we were getting food and litter.  He liked the jingle balls to chase them up and down the hallway so we've gotten some more of those.  He doesn't seem interested in crinkle balls.

We had gotten him a stuffed mouse with a little feather for the tail and we thought he didn't like it.  We were wrong.  Brooks loves it.  Just not as a toy.  It is his baby.  Like his teddy bear or a lovey.  He puts it under the edge of his blanket.  Sometimes he pulls it out and cuddles it.  He has fallen asleep cuddling this toy and looks just like a kid sleeping with a teddy bear.  If you try to play with it or make him chase it or whatever he just sits there and stares at you.  When you finally put it down he picks it up and puts it back under his blanket.  It is his baby.  NOT a toy!

Got all his vaccinations at the vet and a year's supply of flea/heartworm meds.  No issues there.  He had no issues with cat food.  We are feeding him half dry/half wet.  Thinking we will probably keep it that way.  He gets fed twice a day.  He used to whine in the afternoon and we'd have to give him a treat or a small snack, but he's about over that.  He's adjusted well and figured out he will always have food at mealtimes.

He doesn't seem interested in scratching the furniture.  When we first went to get food and litter we grabbed a small sisal rope scratcher and a carboard scratcher.  He likes them both equally it seems.  At some point we'll get some larger ones or different shaped ones, but he's using these two regularly right now.

Kiddo has to tell him goodbye every morning before she leaves for school.  And when she gets home the first thing she does is find him and tell him hello.  On her Thanksgiving lists they do at school she put the usual things that she's grateful for (mom, dad, toys, friends) and then in all capital letters she put CAT!

Kiddo had no idea what kneading was or why cats do it.  Had to explain it to her.  Now, whenever Brooks is cuddling with her and he starts kneading, she says in her most sickening sweet 7yo voice, awww Brooks-eeeeeeeeee you are making dough on me!

Pathetic really.  Spoiled rotten kitty kat.

[MarionTh230]

Nov 23, 2023 8:10:43 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is 7:05. I have to get up, pee & walk the dogs.

DS’s Girlfriend asked for a steam mop to clean her hardwood floors. Does anyone use one? Concerned it might damage finish? If you have a particular recommendation I would appreciate some input.

This is what she asked for-maybe I should buy something nicer? I would easily spend 150-200 on her.

www.target.com/p/shark-professional-steam-pocket-mop-s3601/-/A-13330454

I have one, but I have ceramic tile in the kitchen where I use it.  It's actually my second one because the first one bit the dust after about 12 years or so.  Both of mine put out a good amount of steam.  I think I'd be worried about that much moisture on the hardwood, but maybe someone with first hand experience has a better opinion?

[daisylu]

Nov 23, 2023 8:10:43 GMT -5 bean29 said:

Happy Thanksgiving!

It is 7:05. I have to get up, pee & walk the dogs.

DS’s Girlfriend asked for a steam mop to clean her hardwood floors. Does anyone use one? Concerned it might damage finish? If you have a particular recommendation I would appreciate some input.

This is what she asked for-maybe I should buy something nicer? I would easily spend 150-200 on her.

www.target.com/p/shark-professional-steam-pocket-mop-s3601/-/A-13330454

I do not have a recommendation, but steam mops are excellent for hardwood floors, laminate, and even linoleum.

[TheOtherMe]

My cleaners use a steam mop on hardwood and ceramic tile. It's great for me because when they leave the floors are dry. 

The previous cleaners mopped it but it was wet for a while after they left and when I walked on it, you could see the footprints.

I prefer the steam mop.  

[TheOtherMe]

My green casserole has to be baked.  They provided detailed instructions.  

Since my basketball game starts at noon, I will get it ready during the pre-game and it should be ready to eat by the time the game is over.  

It's a big pan of green bean casserole so I will be eating this for a few days.

[TheOtherMe]

New hints have been showing up on Ancestry for relatives from the early 1900's that were in the local newspaper.  I had a field day last night searching for the articles with the names of my 4 grandparents.

I now have their wedding announcements that were in the paper as well as their social events from both before and after marriage.

My grandma missed two days of school and the teacher at the one room schoolhouse was not happy.  It was so funny seeing that in the newspaper.

[countrygirl2]

My hardwood floors we put in says specifically, do not use a steam mop on them, can ruin the wood.

Man, did I do a dumb thing getting that shot yesterday. What was I thinking. I was sick all night. I was  hot and cold, I still hurt everywhere. My head has been splitting, every joint, feet, back, everything. Turning over in bed like to killed me. 

Hubs fixed DD something to eat this morning. I got up in the night and almost fell over. Now I am having gut cramps beyond belief, it actually feels like I have a bad case of the flu. I took 2 backaids and it's helping my headache and back a bit. Shortly I'm going back to bed. Hubs said don't worry about it we will have our food for dinner tonight. I doubt I can eat anything, but he will help cook it if I can't.

I just didn't think about it making me this sick, dang. I think as the day goes on I will feel better, at least I hope so.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, me.

[chiver78]

I'm wondering how much more of this parade I can deal with. I only just realized it's on til noon. yeesh. this isn't my normal jam, but I figured I'd sit for a bit with my vat of coffee and slice of custard pie. I think I got it out of my system lol.... although it was nice to see some local faces early on - the Mashpee Wampanoag tribe sent a group and float. 

it's bright and sunny here today, so the pups and I are going to bundle up and hit the canal for a bit. hopefully it warms up more, so I can leave the door open for them while I'm trashing the kitchen this afternoon. 

happy Thanksgiving to those celebrating today. happy Thursday to everyone else. 

[countrygirl2]

PSA Ultrasensitive
0.445 ng/mL
Date:Nov 22, 2023 09:19 a.m. EST
Reference Range:0.000-4.000
Hubs PSA, will talk to doc the 29th.

[giramomma]

I'm working on the crown decreases of a hat. This might be one of my favorite hats I've made.

[jerseygirl]

Nov 23, 2023 10:19:45 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

PSA Ultrasensitive
0.445 ng/mL
Date:Nov 22, 2023 09:19 a.m. EST
Reference Range:0.000-4.000
Hubs PSA, will talk to doc the 29th.

Excellent so happy for good results! Must be a relief
I was so relieved and happy when my numbers went down then finally to normal

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Nov 23, 2023 10:19:45 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

PSA Ultrasensitive
0.445 ng/mL
Date:Nov 22, 2023 09:19 a.m. EST
Reference Range:0.000-4.000
Hubs PSA, will talk to doc the 29th.

[ners]

Eating breakfast.  

[countrygirl2]

I had hubs get me a diet coke, it has helped settle my stomach some. I also ate a roll, that's enough for now. And I think I will go back to bed for couple of hours.