what are you doing right now?

[daisylu]

Nov 9, 2023 12:48:03 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

In some not all states, Medicaid will pay for in home caregiver . The amount of hours paid depend on needs of the patient. Trying to keep people at home rather than a facility which is more expensive and often poorer care.
I was able to get my DSis into this program and program paid for 20-30 hours/week. Trying to remember think it was $15/hr. Program will also pay for family members to be caretaker. Will pay for 24 hr care if needed by patient.
DSis would have lasted only a short time and had a miserable life in a nursing home.
I am very grateful I was able to find a wonderful caretaker for her. She was able to stay in her condo (7 miles from me) . She wanted to stay in her home and not mine. I was older and worked so both physically and time constraints would have made taking care of her very difficult. I took care of the paperwork paid her property taxes and caretaker and we were able to go to movies, dinner the mall etc. so I wasn’t overwhelmed

This is part of my issue with the US. It is supposed to the United States of America. Bigger stuff like healthcare should be on a national level. Not everyone has the means to move to a different state for better care.

[daisylu]

Nov 9, 2023 14:27:07 GMT -5 weltz said:

EVERYBODY here has the  RSV virus.

That sucks. I have no idea how it affects other people, but my baby girl almost died in 1999 from it. That the was the first I heard of it. Hopefully vaccines help now.

[TheOtherMe]

DN1, NIL and the Toddler all got Covid boosters on Tuesday.  I don't know what doses are given to 3 year olds, but he was totally knocked out by it yesterday.  Mostly sleeping.  Crying and whining when he was awake.

This morning they flew to St. Louis for a political science conference.  NIL is presenting tomorrow.  DN1 said yesterday they were concerned she was going to have to go by herself and he would stay home with the Toddler.  

His mother (my sister) doesn't understand why they can come to the US for this and not for Christmas.  It's called the University pays for everything except the Toddler's airfare.  

They don't care any more for her Christmas extravaganza than I do, so really don't want to come.  Like they said, they haven't even looked at flights and who knows what is still available.  Additionally, they really don't want to rent a car and no one will go to O'Hare to get them and take them back.  They tell him, they did enough of that when I flew in to Cedar Rapids.  Sister always brings up flying in to Dubuque but there are no flights from Chicago to Dubuque.  

Flights from Dubuque are on a start up airline that flies twice a week to Las Vegas and Orlando.  Apparently they tend to pull out of markets when the tax breaks that got them here are over.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Nov 9, 2023 15:12:18 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 9, 2023 12:19:24 GMT -5 weltz said:

Also, daycare is $8.35 a day. They want women to go back to work.

I hope the US catches up soon.

JFC. I was paying $280/week for childcare for 2 kids in 2002 in the US. It was church owned (though they did not do church teachings) and fairly cheap in this area at that time. I worked nights to make more money and the kids were in day care during the day. I do not know what I would have done if my parents were not available to have the kids at night. I could have made it work if I was working days but it would have been beyond a struggle. 

That kind of circles back to elder care being out of reach for most people.

The $8.35/day must be some kind of assistance for low income workers, because I know families in Canada that are paying a lot more than that.  Many states in the US have childcare assistance programs as well.

Costs of childcare in Canada

In 2022, Statistics Canada conducted a survey on the provision of childcare services in Canada, collecting information on the amount paid for childcare by type of childcare (e.g. childcare centre, family childcare home) and province or territory of residence.

On average, parents paid $7,790 per year for main full-time childcare for their child aged 0 to 5 in 2022. This equals to an average of $649 per month for full-time care, or $31 a day.

www.cicnews.com/2023/09/the-costs-and-demand-for-childcare-in-canada-0936718.html#gs.077enh

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 9, 2023 15:12:18 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 9, 2023 12:19:24 GMT -5 weltz said:

That kind of circles back to elder care being out of reach for most people.

The last season I worked, there was a long time employee who was caring for her mother who had dementia.  She could no longer be left at home safely.  The elder day care was so expensive, the employee said she couldn't have bought food, paid for utilities, etc. and had her mother there 40 hours per week.  The company set it up so she could work from home.  They had a policy before that that nobody worked from home, that tax records could not leave the office.

When I was there, the tax information were all scanned in to the system and no preparer needed access to them to prepare a return.  

I'm guessing when they closed the offices for Covid the only people who had to be in the office were the people who did the scanning and then assembling the tax return to go back to the client.  All of the preparers could have been working from home then.  

[TheOtherMe]

I know the Toddler costs more than $8.35 per day for day care.  

They get a discount through the University but it still isn't cheap.  The one where he goes is part of a system of day care centers.  Not all of the parents are employed at the University.  When they moved to the other end of downtown, there was a center in the same system a few blocks away.  He said good bye on Friday and went to his new place on Monday.

At one Canadian conference they attended, the system was on campus and they were able to use that for day care.

They have said it's cheaper than what they would have paid in Ames.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 9, 2023 15:22:13 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 9, 2023 14:27:07 GMT -5 weltz said:

EVERYBODY here has the  RSV virus.

That sucks. I have no idea how it affects other people, but my baby girl almost died in 1999 from it. That the was the first I heard of it. Hopefully vaccines help now.

My DGS got very sick with it when he was a baby and was admitted to the hospital. I was the only person in the house that got it from him. I don’t remember details, but I remember I felt like crap. That is why I try to avoid kiddie germs. They have superpowers and not in a good way.

[busymom]

Nov 9, 2023 14:27:07 GMT -5 weltz said:

EVERYBODY here has the  RSV virus.

    That's not good.  How are YOU doing these days?

[CCL]

Nov 9, 2023 15:22:13 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 9, 2023 14:27:07 GMT -5 weltz said:

EVERYBODY here has the  RSV virus.

That sucks. I have no idea how it affects other people, but my baby girl almost died in 1999 from it. That the was the first I heard of it. Hopefully vaccines help now.

My kid had the same way back in 1992. I still remember when they did the spinal tap. He wasn't happy about it. They put him in a tent sort of thing to help him breath, with an IV stuck in his little foot.

[NastyWoman]

With all this talk about RSV, has anyone here gotten the vaccine and what was your experience with it? I'll get my flu and Covid shot next week and, unless this Covid booster is different from the previous ones, I fully expect to do a lot of sleeping the next day. The flu shot never did more than give me a sore/sensitive arm for a day or two so I don't think that will change much but whatever Thursday will probably be a lost day anyway.
I still need to decide whether or not I will get the RSV shot since I am not so sure I need it. Maybe pulmonarymd would be willing to provide some input? 

[msventoux]

Nov 9, 2023 15:28:22 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Nov 9, 2023 15:12:18 GMT -5 daisylu said:

That kind of circles back to elder care being out of reach for most people.

The last season I worked, there was a long time employee who was caring for her mother who had dementia.  She could no longer be left at home safely.  The elder day care was so expensive, the employee said she couldn't have bought food, paid for utilities, etc. and had her mother there 40 hours per week.  The company set it up so she could work from home.  They had a policy before that that nobody worked from home, that tax records could not leave the office.

When I was there, the tax information were all scanned in to the system and no preparer needed access to them to prepare a return.  

I'm guessing when they closed the offices for Covid the only people who had to be in the office were the people who did the scanning and then assembling the tax return to go back to the client.  All of the preparers could have been working from home then.  

In my state accountants were considered essential services so were not mandated to close their offices. I went to the office every day during Covid, so for me the only thing Covid changed was even more work on top of an already overwhelming workload.  

Most of our clients emailed stuff or uploaded to a secure portal, so there wasn’t much in the way of scanning required. Most tax returns were assembled as a PDF, so no paper copies and everything could be done electronically.  For those holdouts that insisted on paper, they mailed us their documents and we mailed them back when we were done with everything. 

[pulmonarymd]

We routinely see patients admitted to the hospital who test positive for RSV. It can be a serious illness, especially for those with underlying heart and lung issues. It can also cause serious illness in infants. Like all vaccinations it is generally safe. It can prevent illness and hospitalizations, and also help prevent passing it on to infants. All in all, I think it is a good idea to be vaccinated if you are in a high risk group.

For comparison, the shingles vaccine has been available for some time now. Few people with shingles need admission, and death is rare. Yet it is a miserable illness, and vaccination is recommended. RSV can kill people and cause hospitalization. If you get vaccinated for shingles, why wouldn't you get aN RSV vaccination

[weltz]

Nov 9, 2023 15:12:18 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 9, 2023 12:19:24 GMT -5 weltz said:

Also, daycare is $8.35 a day. They want women to go back to work.

I hope the US catches up soon.

JFC. I was paying $280/week for childcare for 2 kids in 2002 in the US. It was church owned (though they did not do church teachings) and fairly cheap in this area at that time. I worked nights to make more money and the kids were in day care during the day. I do not know what I would have done if my parents were not available to have the kids at night. I could have made it work if I was working days but it would have been beyond a struggle. 

That kind of circles back to elder care being out of reach for most people.

I worked a lot of evenings, and daycare is, well, in the day. My parents lived 100 miles away, so not much babysitting. Sometimes, they would take him for a week up in the country., and that was great.

[weltz]

Nov 9, 2023 15:22:13 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 9, 2023 14:27:07 GMT -5 weltz said:

EVERYBODY here has the  RSV virus.

That sucks. I have no idea how it affects other people, but my baby girl almost died in 1999 from it. That the was the first I heard of it. Hopefully vaccines help now.

It does suck, especially for infants and seniors. 
Just when you think you're getting it comes roaring back.

[weltz]

Nov 9, 2023 15:46:01 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nov 9, 2023 14:27:07 GMT -5 weltz said:

EVERYBODY here has the  RSV virus.

    That's not good.  How are YOU doing these days?

I'm doing OK.  I actually went swimming today, although I was getting tired easily and couldn't do as many laps. One step at a time.
Right now Sushi is screaming at me. He wants me to come to bed, because it's dark. Have you ever heard a Siamese scream?   He sounds like a baby being butchered by a set of bagpipes.

[soupandstew]

Nov 9, 2023 17:36:23 GMT -5 weltz said:

Nov 9, 2023 15:46:01 GMT -5 busymom said:

    That's not good.  How are YOU doing these days?

I'm doing OK.  I actually went swimming today, although I was getting tired easily and couldn't do as many laps. One step at a time.
Right now Sushi is screaming at me. He wants me to come to bed, because it's dark. Have you ever heard a Siamese scream?   He sounds like a baby being butchered by a set of bagpipes.

Girl, that's the best description of a Siamese yowl EVER!

[daisylu]

Nov 9, 2023 15:46:37 GMT -5 CCL said:

Nov 9, 2023 15:22:13 GMT -5 daisylu said:

That sucks. I have no idea how it affects other people, but my baby girl almost died in 1999 from it. That the was the first I heard of it. Hopefully vaccines help now.

My kid had the same way back in 1992. I still remember when they did the spinal tap. He wasn't happy about it. They put him in a tent sort of thing to help him breath, with an IV stuck in his little foot.

It improved much in that time. DD didn't have a spinal tap, but she was on a ventilator in ICU for 2 weeks. She was 8 weeks old.

[finnime]

DS has RSV when he was 10 months old. You could hear him breathing from the other side of the house. It was frightening. Before that, I'd never heard of the illness.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 9, 2023 15:58:33 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

With all this talk about RSV, has anyone here gotten the vaccine and what was your experience with it? I'll get my flu and Covid shot next week and, unless this Covid booster is different from the previous ones, I fully expect to do a lot of sleeping the next day. The flu shot never did more than give me a sore/sensitive arm for a day or two so I don't think that will change much but whatever Thursday will probably be a lost day anyway.
I still need to decide whether or not I will get the RSV shot since I am not so sure I need it. Maybe pulmonarymd would be willing to provide some input? 

I got the RSV and flu shot at the same time.  All I had was two sore arms.  

Since I got Novavax, my only reaction to the Covid vaccine was a sore arm.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 9, 2023 16:12:39 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Nov 9, 2023 15:28:22 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

The last season I worked, there was a long time employee who was caring for her mother who had dementia.  She could no longer be left at home safely.  The elder day care was so expensive, the employee said she couldn't have bought food, paid for utilities, etc. and had her mother there 40 hours per week.  The company set it up so she could work from home.  They had a policy before that that nobody worked from home, that tax records could not leave the office.

When I was there, the tax information were all scanned in to the system and no preparer needed access to them to prepare a return.  

I'm guessing when they closed the offices for Covid the only people who had to be in the office were the people who did the scanning and then assembling the tax return to go back to the client.  All of the preparers could have been working from home then.  

In my state accountants were considered essential services so were not mandated to close their offices. I went to the office every day during Covid, so for me the only thing Covid changed was even more work on top of an already overwhelming workload.  

Most of our clients emailed stuff or uploaded to a secure portal, so there wasn’t much in the way of scanning required. Most tax returns were assembled as a PDF, so no paper copies and everything could be done electronically.  For those holdouts that insisted on paper, they mailed us their documents and we mailed them back when we were done with everything. 

I don't know if the state closed down financial offices, but banks, tax offices, attorney offices, etc. were all closed.

That's when my dad's estate was being dealt with by my sister.  She had to drop things off in a box at the attorney's office.  Anything she needed signed, they did outside in the winter.  The bank could only be entered by one customer at a time when she had to deal with them.

I know my bank had employees working from home.  Must have some pretty powerful VPN's

BIL works for Block.  If people didn't upload their documents, they had to drop it off outside.  Customers didn't get to come inside.  

[countrygirl2]

We have had all the vaccines including RSV. Apparently we need a second shingles vaccine. The Walmart pharmacist said we needed a second one, so we have that to do.

Hubs and I nor DD have had a cold or flu for sometime. My pharmacist said I was in better shape than most anyone on being up on vaccines. We believe in getting them all.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 9, 2023 16:16:22 GMT -5 pulmonarymd said:

We routinely see patients admitted to the hospital who test positive for RSV. It can be a serious illness, especially for those with underlying heart and lung issues. It can also cause serious illness in infants. Like all vaccinations it is generally safe. It can prevent illness and hospitalizations, and also help prevent passing it on to infants. All in all, I think it is a good idea to be vaccinated if you are in a high risk group.

For comparison, the shingles vaccine has been available for some time now. Few people with shingles need admission, and death is rare. Yet it is a miserable illness, and vaccination is recommended. RSV can kill people and cause hospitalization. If you get vaccinated for shingles, why wouldn't you get aN RSV vaccination

Thank you

[Pink Cashmere]

My nerves are bad. Mister has asked me a million times today what’s wrong with me. I am done with showing my hand while he hides his, so I just say nothing. 

I have pretty much given up on trying to have a healthy relationship with him for now, and my priority is me. I am worried about a few things regarding what I need to do for me, but I’m not discussing any of that with him. 

Because he kept pestering me, I finally told him that just like I said a few days or a week ago, I feel insecure and unsafe IRT our relationship. He wanted to know why, I said you are in the same relationship, and since you know you better than I do, I’m pretty sure you can come up with some accurate guesses. I refused to give him any information regarding why I said what I said. He didn’t like that, and I didn’t care.

I know that me being like that is not conducive to a healthy relationship, but I’m done with the openness and honesty being one sided. Even though I’ve done a lot of dumb shit in the name of love….. regarding him and my family, I’m not actually a dummy. I don’t know how to play the actual game of chess, but IRL, I know how not to be playing checkers when I should be playing chess. 

I didn’t get to choose my Mom or my children, and they all have a long rope with driving me crazy, even though I’ve gotten a lot better with my boundaries with all of them. I chose Mister….. I love him so much, but his rope is not as long and I can unchoose him if necessary. It’s not like we’re married, and it would be overly complicated to walk away.

[susana1954]

Nov 9, 2023 18:24:35 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We have had all the vaccines including RSV. Apparently we need a second shingles vaccine. The Walmart pharmacist said we needed a second one, so we have that to do.

Hubs and I nor DD have had a cold or flu for sometime. My pharmacist said I was in better shape than most anyone on being up on vaccines. We believe in getting them all.

I am a believer in vaccines.  So I am right there with you.  

[soupandstew]

I've chosen not to have the shingles vaccine for several reasons, and my doctor does not recommend the RSV for me.  I stay current on flu, pneumonia, and Covid.  Other than seasonal allergies and a bad sinus infection every 3-5 years, I haven't been sick in many years.  Our local TV station does a weekly "What's Going Around" segment and flu, strep, and RSV are dominant now, with Covid at modest levels.  

[finnime]

Pink, is there any other source of therapy that you could look into, now that your therapist has dropped the ball again?

I hate to see you in a hard place, tossing around for answers.

[CCL]

Nov 9, 2023 18:24:35 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We have had all the vaccines including RSV. Apparently we need a second shingles vaccine. The Walmart pharmacist said we needed a second one, so we have that to do.

Hubs and I nor DD have had a cold or flu for sometime. My pharmacist said I was in better shape than most anyone on being up on vaccines. We believe in getting them all.

I just got my shingles (along with pneumonia) vaccine today. They said I need a second in 2-6 months. Got flu vaccine last week. I guess next I'll have to get another Covid booster.

[CCL]

 Pink Cashmere I hope you can soon find some peace and good health.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 9, 2023 19:35:22 GMT -5 finnime said:

Pink, is there any other source of therapy that you could look into, now that your therapist has dropped the ball again?

I hate to see you in a hard place, tossing around for answers.

Probably. Bu honestly, I am over it, and not interested in devoting the time and resources to figure it out. I have tried therapy off and on for about 15 years now, and it has never done me any good. Not even when I consistently went for 2 or 3 years. 

Just since last December, I have found first a therapist that I did virtual sessions with. She was kind and empathetic, but ultimately, it wasn’t more helpful than venting to a friend. Then I went back to a provider through my job’s EAP program, until I found my latest therapist, who I was upfront with from the beginning about me needing some real tools to help manage my life, specifically stress. 

I was very hopeful in the beginning, about working with her, but with what I’ve written here, it’s clear how that has really turned out. 

So screw it. I am back to believing I’m all I got.

And because of things with Mister, I am back in survivor mode. Which means I gotta take care of me, not necessarily with good self care, but to make sure I can survive, even if I don’t thrive. I can try to thrive later, after I feel again that I can survive, no matter what happens. 

I ran through a lot of my money, trying not to be a burden to Mister when my health issues affected my income. In hindsight, that was a major mistake, and knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t have done that, since I apparently became a “burden” anyway. 

Now that I am thinking “me” vs “we”, I will not invest any more of my money into this house. Because even though it’s true that this house was purchased with the intention of me having a “forever home”, and all of the other stuff that went along with that, that is absolutely true, the fact is that given the way we bought it, I have no legal claim to it. 

I have always acted in good faith in this relationship and been open and honest. And I have constantly been surprised with things that turned out not to be what I thought they were.

That is some of the reasons it has gotten to point now, in my mind, that it is chess, and not checkers.

I don’t have the “luxury” anymore of playing around with doctors and useless therapists to help me try to figure out my life. If I don’t know how to do anything else, I do know how to survive and that is where my focus is now. Maybe I can thrive again after I retire. But for now, I just need to get back to business trying to make sure I can still eat and have a roof over my head somewhere halfway safe after I can’t work anymore. And I guess if I end up even crazier than I am now, I need to have money to pay for help with that too.

[seriousthistime]

Nov 9, 2023 15:58:33 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

With all this talk about RSV, has anyone here gotten the vaccine and what was your experience with it? I'll get my flu and Covid shot next week and, unless this Covid booster is different from the previous ones, I fully expect to do a lot of sleeping the next day. The flu shot never did more than give me a sore/sensitive arm for a day or two so I don't think that will change much but whatever Thursday will probably be a lost day anyway.
I still need to decide whether or not I will get the RSV shot since I am not so sure I need it. Maybe pulmonarymd would be willing to provide some input? 

Yes. I had the COVID and flu vaccines on the same day and had the RSV vaccine two weeks later. The RSV vaccine was by far the easiest.  The only side effect was a slightly sore arm that went away two days later. 

I have three young grandchildren.  I don't want to bring anything home to them.  I also volunteer at the local NICU, and certainly don't want to expose anyone (babies or staff) there.