what are you doing right now?

[giramomma]

Nov 8, 2023 18:53:24 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 8, 2023 17:26:25 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Right? The youngest sister of one of my grandmas was raised to basically not get married and not have a job so she could be the family caretaker. I'm guessing she took care of people from her mid 30s-mid/late 70s.

She'd be over 100 by now.

Times have changed.

I can't imagine raising the missy in the same manner, to groom her for a life of a care taker.

That's messed up.

Yes, it is. And probably somewhat a good thing. My mom and grandma were abandoned for an extended period (more than 5 years).  My grandma couldn't leave my mom home alone when my mom was like 3.  Lots of people stepped in to help my grandma, but they did expect her to get a job, which meant she needed child care.  Don't forget there wasn't Food Stamps or SNAP, No Section 8 housing, no home heating programs. No child care vouchers. None of that. Church and family support only went so far. The other aunts and uncles mostly worked.

So, my youngest great aunt went from helping my mom and grandma, to taking care of her own parents (my great grandpa lived to be over 100) to helping her only other living sister until she (my other great aunt) was passed away.

[giramomma]

Nov 8, 2023 23:04:32 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

So, I was grumping about all the Christmas stuff out tonight when I was shopping waiting for Carrot to get done with tennis, until I saw there was eggnog!  YAY! 

I am currently celebrating signing my siding contract with Fireball spiked eggnog.  So nummy.

I bought egg nog when I grocery shopped on Sunday.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 8, 2023 21:41:43 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 8, 2023 21:21:56 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

What do you mean? That you're fighting taking over care taking duties?

The social perception that only women can be caregivers. I am sending out 4 people into this world that know men can be caregivers too, and might even expect that in their relationships.

That's hopeful, but I think you might be an anomaly. Change starts with what we can do, and really what else can we do?

But the deck is stacked against us. Covid just proved that when push comes to shove its women who shoulder the care taking - meaning another generation just watched their moms, grandma's, aunts, and even women employees/managers quit their jobs, or not quit, but still handle a disproportionate amount of household work plus child care, elder care, etc.

I'd never condone forcing a daughter to give up the choice of a life of marriage, working, etc because she is expected to take care of the parents. But it was almost a more realistic expectation than we have now.

[Peace77]

DH has already finished his first container of eggnog and nearly finished with the second container.

[andi9899]

Nov 8, 2023 19:44:02 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Nov 8, 2023 13:34:36 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Don't say that. I'll fly you out here and get you into all kinds of trouble.

I think you’re about 6 hours from me. I’ll drive.

Google says 7.17 hours...

[giramomma]

Nov 8, 2023 23:34:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 8, 2023 21:41:43 GMT -5 giramomma said:

The social perception that only women can be caregivers. I am sending out 4 people into this world that know men can be caregivers too, and might even expect that in their relationships.

That's hopeful, but I think you might be an anomaly. Change starts with what we can do, and really what else can we do?

But the deck is stacked against us. Covid just proved that when push comes to shove its women who shoulder the care taking - meaning another generation just watched their moms, grandma's, aunts, and even women employees/managers quit their jobs, or not quit, but still handle a disproportionate amount of household work plus child care, elder care, etc.

I'd never condone forcing a daughter to give up the choice of a life of marriage, working, etc because she is expected to take care of the parents. But it was almost a more realistic expectation than we have now.

I am quite surprised at how my SIL is supported. She was burned out from Covid, and so BIL supported her taking a less taxing job. My SIL prioritizes self-care, BIL supports it. My BIL takes the kids off her hands quite a bit during the week. At first blush, it looks like he's more involved than she is with the kids.

I think starting in the home is the best strategy we have. We can't rely on lawmakers or leaders.

It's hard to ask for what we need. That's why SIL is in the situation she's in. She has absolutely 0 problems asking for what she needs. And because my BIL is a real partner to her, he obliges.

I don't ask for what I need, because I have been taught my needs don't matter. My parents provided me with food, clothing, shelter, and college. What more could I need? There's no law or social engineering that's going to undo that type of conditioning.

I actually think that SIL is the anomaly. She's a 70s kid too. It's pretty inspiring on how she feels she is entitled/deserves to have her needs met beyond the basics.

One of the last visits, I got really bent out of shape about her. I realized it was really a me issue. Why should I get mad at my SIL because she was on top of getting her needs met?

My mom was also taught her needs didn't matter. Again, she had food, clothing shelter. That had to be enough. At least I'm doing better than my mom. My mom sat and debated whether or not she was worth an avocado for a good minute. It was on sale, and like $1. And she did actually ask me my opinion. I'm up for hours trying to save $20 on my 24 hour break.

I think when we know our value and believe we have importance, we behave differently than if we think we don't have much value and don't have importance.

When we behave differently, I think others respond. Those that love us respond positively. Those that don't don't.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 8, 2023 20:45:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So today, I had already been warned about an employee that is transistioning from female to male that if offended and raises a ruckus anytime he is referred to as “she” and has filed several grievances with his employer over several things, including being addressed properly. Once I saw him, I felt like it is an easy mistake for people to make when talking to someone with FF size breasts. And I know that’s the size because I overheard him telling one of the other workers how he plays his Doctor complaining of back pain and said the size. I know people with large breasts do experience back pain and other issues, but this person specifically said what they were doing and showed the unnatural posture they use when they see their Doctor and complain about back pain, and said they do it every time they see their Doctor. I was not amused. He also made sure to tell all of us individually that he was transitioning. 

That was none of my business, and I didn’t like the vibe, especially after hearing how he “plays” his Doctor. I felt like he just likes attention period, and I wasn’t entertaining that. I wasn’t rude, but I wasn’t trying to have a conversation either. 

The one man that was working with us was confused and pulled me to the side and asked me whether the person was a he or she. I told him that he’d said he was transitioning from female to male, and to be very careful with the pronouns. Not 5 minutes later, the transitioning male was talking to one of the ladies working with us and the lady said ma’am, and things got tense for a minute because he said I AM NOT A MA’AM!
...

Call me a suspicious bitch but I think s/he is working up to a lawsuit for a hostile work environment. At least on the surface seems to be playing work the same way he plays his doctor.

[finnime]

Good morning, wise and able invisipeeps sharing knowledge and caring in Y Ma'am. I hope your Thursday goes swimmingly and includes eggnog if you partake or hot chocolate if not. Unless you care for neither, in which case, any libation that appeals to you.

Today we are not going to be hosting a table at the show. Due to forecast rain they moved it indoors, which is out of the way of foot traffic and stood to be not a good use of time and effort. We may just go and see what it's about.

My family's traditions regarding care of elders varies, but is chiefly living insistently independently. The only exceptions to my knowledge included my parents taking in my great-grandmother when she could no longer care for herself. At that time my parents had a 3-bedroom, 1 bath bungalow and 5 kids under the age of 6. They turned the room off the kitchen into her bedroom and dad installed a toilet on the side porch. Grandma was prone to spells of anger where she would bang her cane on the floor. I think she probably had Alzheimers from what my mother described. When she needed more than my mother could provide she went into a nursing home. I do remember visiting her there. Hers was the first funeral I remember attending. I have no good idea of how my mother did it, juggling the demands of her grandmother in a way too-small home on top of 5 young children, 2 in diapers. My father was a hospital administrator and he often went to work very early and got home early, too. He'd take us kids to the lake in the summer or sledding or skiing in the winter. He got us out of the house, so my mother could get an hour or two of time without taking care of us.

Yesterday was a clear day with a lovely sunrise.

[Pink Cashmere]

Good morning finnime! I still haven’t even been to sleep yet lol.

As far as elder care in my family, my Grandmother moved my Great Grandmother into her home when she had dementia, and cared for her until she died. My Grandmother was retired, and by then both of her brothers had died, so she was the only child still living. My Mom and Aunt were my Grandmother’s only children, and they were both retired when my Grandmother had dementia starting in her late 79’s/early 80’s. My Mom already lived with my Grandmother by then, and my Aunt would get my Grandmother and take her home with her, and take care of her until my Grandmother started fussing that she wanted to go back to her own home. 

My Aunt would take her home and just visit my Grandmother during that time, and a week or so later, she’d take her back home with her. My Aunt would’ve preferred for my Grandmother to just stay with her full time, but she respected my Grandmother’s wishes when she wanted to go home, since she didn’t live alone and my Mom was there to keep an eye on her. 

For my Aunt and my Grandmother, it was an honor to care for their mothers when they could no longer care for themselves, but it was also an easier decision for them to make since they didn’t have to juggle working with being a caregiver. 

I am not a good caregiver. Well, that’s not exactly written in stone as being true. The truth is that I don’t see me being a good caregiver for my Mom. I would’ve absolutely done anything I needed to do for my Grandmother, I would do whatever I needed to do if something happened to one of my children and I needed to care for them, I would even take care of Mister. But I get hung up in the thought of being a caregiver for my Mom, even though I love her dearly. I think it’s because I’ve always known I was her retirement plan, and I don’t like that, and also because she tried to force me to care for her in ways she didn’t even really need starting back in 2018. I tend to rebel when people try to force me to do things, and idk why my Mom never figured that out about me. Because the ironic thing is, that if she hadn’t been so determined to try to use me and make me do things for her, I would’ve freely given her all the things she’s tried to demand of me. 

She has complained to my DD that people don’t treat her the way we treated my Grandmother, and even DD understood that just being an elder does not automatically garner respect, grace and goodwill. How you’ve lived your life does that. It’s different because my Grandmother was such a giver, and asked for nothing in return, and my Mom pushes people away because she has always been a taker and tries to bully, manipulate and lie, to get what she wants from people. Friends and family are pretty much done with her. I still fool with her because she’s my Mom and I do love her, a lot. And I know she loves me. But I just have to have boundaries, because she has some kind of personality disorder or something, it’s like she’s a good person and a horrible person, all wrapped up in one. Idk what’s wrong with her, but something is. It’s sad to me that my Mom genuinely doesn’t seem to get it, why everybody has distanced themselves from her. 

Anyway, I should really take my ass to bed now.

[toomuchreality]

Good morning, all. I have not yet slept either. I just got out of the shower and into my pjs.
I will take something soon, so I can turn off my brain and sleep

[Opti]

Nov 9, 2023 0:40:11 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Nov 8, 2023 20:45:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

So today, I had already been warned about an employee that is transistioning from female to male that if offended and raises a ruckus anytime he is referred to as “she” and has filed several grievances with his employer over several things, including being addressed properly. Once I saw him, I felt like it is an easy mistake for people to make when talking to someone with FF size breasts. And I know that’s the size because I overheard him telling one of the other workers how he plays his Doctor complaining of back pain and said the size. I know people with large breasts do experience back pain and other issues, but this person specifically said what they were doing and showed the unnatural posture they use when they see their Doctor and complain about back pain, and said they do it every time they see their Doctor. I was not amused. He also made sure to tell all of us individually that he was transitioning. 

That was none of my business, and I didn’t like the vibe, especially after hearing how he “plays” his Doctor. I felt like he just likes attention period, and I wasn’t entertaining that. I wasn’t rude, but I wasn’t trying to have a conversation either. 

The one man that was working with us was confused and pulled me to the side and asked me whether the person was a he or she. I told him that he’d said he was transitioning from female to male, and to be very careful with the pronouns. Not 5 minutes later, the transitioning male was talking to one of the ladies working with us and the lady said ma’am, and things got tense for a minute because he said I AM NOT A MA’AM!
...

Call me a suspicious bitch but I think s/he is working up to a lawsuit for a hostile work environment. At least on the surface seems to be playing work the same way he plays his doctor.

I'm dubious his fake drama is winning him any points at the doctor. The doctor probably notes every time that bad posture is causing this individual pain of their own making.

[chiver78]

I'm up, about to dial in for a working meeting with a guy that's new to writing deviations. my inbox isn't nearly as much of a mess as I'd expected after a random day off, so that's a plus. Punk is already pouting at me for being on a screen, but there isn't much I can do about it now. anyway - one of the new messages from yesterday is a reminder to complete my Annual Enrollment before the 15th. so the burning question I have this morning - do I buy an extra week of vacation again next year? I have a feeling I will get really used to having random days off by the end of the year... 

[daisylu]

Nov 9, 2023 7:57:57 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I'm up, about to dial in for a working meeting with a guy that's new to writing deviations. my inbox isn't nearly as much of a mess as I'd expected after a random day off, so that's a plus. Punk is already pouting at me for being on a screen, but there isn't much I can do about it now. anyway - one of the new messages from yesterday is a reminder to complete my Annual Enrollment before the 15th. so the burning question I have this morning - do I buy an extra week of vacation again next year? I have a feeling I will get really used to having random days off by the end of the year... 

I thought you were planning to leave with the in office/hybrid requirement? It looks like that can is keeping kicked down the road, but what happens when it comes to fruition? Will they pay out all of your unused PTO if you resign or they terminate your employment for not following the mandate? If they will payout, I say do it. You wouldn't be losing anything.

[daisylu]

Had to reboot laptop for updates, which are taking FOREVER. Good thing about it was that I had time to wash dishes and start a load of laundry.

Dad is coming here around lunchtime. FIL bought a new 4 wheeler and selling his old one. My dad needs one for snow removal as the motor in the one DH have him is going up and not worth fixing. I'm glad dad is considering it. Before DH have him good old one the whole family has been legit worried that dad have a heart attack shoveling snow. Luckily, in the 4 years that he has not had to shovel he has realized the benefit. FIL is asking $3,000, which is fair. I would not be surprised if he goes lower, but if he doesn't I will likely pay for a third of it - after the fact. It'll be in cash to dad for Christmas/birthday (1/07).

[daisylu]

DH shot a large doe last night. I was too sick to help, so I stayed in while he hung and dressed it. I climbed in bed about 5 minutes before he got home. I forgot how he can be afterwards, plus he probably had around 10 beers with his dad while dressing it. He calmed down after about 45 minutes, but in those 45 minutes I wanted to strangle him. Thinking maybe I should be more concerned than I have been about his excitement after a kill. 

He did end the night saying I have been scaring him. I woke up Tuesday and Wednesday mornings throwing up (dry heaving mostly), and then I did again last night. He is worried, but I went through it last year too. We had a couple of warm days (after a cold snap) recently that made my sinuses act up. When they are bad at night it gets my stomach producing more acid, which is what causes the upset. So some Nexium, herbal tea, allergy meds, and a banana before last night and this morning was much more pleasant. Glad I recognized the signs before Hyperosmia kicked in. That makes everything 10x worse.

[chiver78]

Nov 9, 2023 8:22:32 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Nov 9, 2023 7:57:57 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I'm up, about to dial in for a working meeting with a guy that's new to writing deviations. my inbox isn't nearly as much of a mess as I'd expected after a random day off, so that's a plus. Punk is already pouting at me for being on a screen, but there isn't much I can do about it now. anyway - one of the new messages from yesterday is a reminder to complete my Annual Enrollment before the 15th. so the burning question I have this morning - do I buy an extra week of vacation again next year? I have a feeling I will get really used to having random days off by the end of the year... 

I thought you were planning to leave with the in office/hybrid requirement? It looks like that can is keeping kicked down the road, but what happens when it comes to fruition? Will they pay out all of your unused PTO if you resign or they terminate your employment for not following the mandate? If they will payout, I say do it. You wouldn't be losing anything.

yup, vacation payout is required by law here upon termination. 

but also, yes - it seems like the can keeps getting kicked down the road, so I'm going through the motions to cover myself as far as Annual Enrollment and the like. I had asked my boss to find out more specifics* about how the bean counters are actually counting the badge swipes and also accommodating for vacation time, and am waiting on the answers. but if there's a loophole I can exploit with all of this PTO, I'll use it to buy myself more time in finding another job. 

*I think I explained this a few days ago, I can't remember. happy to explain again what little I do know about it. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

Well, my day started out crappy with my fork piercing my Diet Pepsi can in my lunchbox and soaking all my food (including a sandwich) and the floor of my car.  It got better when I got into work and saw all the tables set up in the break room.  It's employee appreciation day!  Free taco salad for lunch!

[andi9899]

Nov 8, 2023 23:15:14 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 8, 2023 18:53:24 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

That's messed up.

Yes, it is. And probably somewhat a good thing. My mom and grandma were abandoned for an extended period (more than 5 years).  My grandma couldn't leave my mom home alone when my mom was like 3.  Lots of people stepped in to help my grandma, but they did expect her to get a job, which meant she needed child care.  Don't forget there wasn't Food Stamps or SNAP, No Section 8 housing, no home heating programs. No child care vouchers. None of that. Church and family support only went so far. The other aunts and uncles mostly worked.

So, my youngest great aunt went from helping my mom and grandma, to taking care of her own parents (my great grandpa lived to be over 100) to helping her only other living sister until she (my other great aunt) was passed away.

So who took care of her when she got old? Did family step up since she had spent her life being a caretaker?

[daisylu]

Nov 9, 2023 8:44:27 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Nov 9, 2023 8:22:32 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I thought you were planning to leave with the in office/hybrid requirement? It looks like that can is keeping kicked down the road, but what happens when it comes to fruition? Will they pay out all of your unused PTO if you resign or they terminate your employment for not following the mandate? If they will payout, I say do it. You wouldn't be losing anything.

yup, vacation payout is required by law here upon termination. 

but also, yes - it seems like the can keeps getting kicked down the road, so I'm going through the motions to cover myself as far as Annual Enrollment and the like. I had asked my boss to find out more specifics* about how the bean counters are actually counting the badge swipes and also accommodating for vacation time, and am waiting on the answers. but if there's a loophole I can exploit with all of this PTO, I'll use it to buy myself more time in finding another job. 

*I think I explained this a few days ago, I can't remember. happy to explain again what little I do know about it. 

I may have missed it, no need to explain further. I live in a "right to work" state, which means nothing like it sounds like, and employers are not legally obligated to payout unused PTO on termination (no matter if employee or employer initiated). As long as you would you would be reimbursed, if that time comes, I would buy the extra week.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 9, 2023 0:19:41 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 8, 2023 23:34:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

That's hopeful, but I think you might be an anomaly. Change starts with what we can do, and really what else can we do?

But the deck is stacked against us. Covid just proved that when push comes to shove its women who shoulder the care taking - meaning another generation just watched their moms, grandma's, aunts, and even women employees/managers quit their jobs, or not quit, but still handle a disproportionate amount of household work plus child care, elder care, etc.

I'd never condone forcing a daughter to give up the choice of a life of marriage, working, etc because she is expected to take care of the parents. But it was almost a more realistic expectation than we have now.

I am quite surprised at how my SIL is supported. She was burned out from Covid, and so BIL supported her taking a less taxing job. My SIL prioritizes self-care, BIL supports it. My BIL takes the kids off her hands quite a bit during the week. At first blush, it looks like he's more involved than she is with the kids.

I think starting in the home is the best strategy we have. We can't rely on lawmakers or leaders.

It's hard to ask for what we need. That's why SIL is in the situation she's in. She has absolutely 0 problems asking for what she needs. And because my BIL is a real partner to her, he obliges.

I don't ask for what I need, because I have been taught my needs don't matter. My parents provided me with food, clothing, shelter, and college. What more could I need? There's no law or social engineering that's going to undo that type of conditioning.

I actually think that SIL is the anomaly. She's a 70s kid too. It's pretty inspiring on how she feels she is entitled/deserves to have her needs met beyond the basics.

One of the last visits, I got really bent out of shape about her. I realized it was really a me issue. Why should I get mad at my SIL because she was on top of getting her needs met?

My mom was also taught her needs didn't matter. Again, she had food, clothing shelter. That had to be enough. At least I'm doing better than my mom. My mom sat and debated whether or not she was worth an avocado for a good minute. It was on sale, and like $1. And she did actually ask me my opinion. I'm up for hours trying to save $20 on my 24 hour break.

I think when we know our value and believe we have importance, we behave differently than if we think we don't have much value and don't have importance.

When we behave differently, I think others respond. Those that love us respond positively. Those that don't don't.

We can't wait for lawmakers, but there is only so much that can be done at home.

There are larger issues that will eventually have to be addressed for real change. Equal pay - even for equal work, whoever makes less is probably going to stay home when you can't afford day care or elder care. Plus everything that goes in to lower pay - women dominated fields, maternity leave, etc. As well as affordable access to social supports for that care so that our increasing aging society can get the care it needs without requiring family to provide the majority of the care.

We make changes at home to impact lawmakers. But I don't think that is happening at all or at least on a large enough scale to make a difference. Especially with covid - the women who left the work force then are likely fast tracked for care taking. And that just happened. Barely 4 years ago. How many men were saying they just couldn't keep up with wfh, school from home, house work, etc? In my circles none. They all loved the family time. The walks and puzzle time. It was the women who were saying they just didn't know how to keep up on everything. And it was largely their jobs that they felt like they were failing at the most. I feel like in 10 years we'll be able to see a wage gap there in working moms compared to working dads. And that's the stuff that I think has to have some kind of legislation. Because otherwise it's just that she should have had better support, she shouldn't have had kids if she didnt, she should have worked harder. (And the dads are all great dads for similar efforts!) But on an aggregate level when the data says the majority of women are all in the same boat we can't fix that by continuing to do what we're doing at home.

I think it's like the environment. I can and will reduce my carbon footprint as much as possible. But I can't compost us out of climate change. However if coca-cola and pepsi institute widescale recycling (or whatever it is) that actually makes world wide and possibly lasting impact.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Good morning! Apparently I haven't checked in for 40 pages!
I'll try to catch up via context clues. Hugs and high-fives to all!


We had a fun trip last Friday - Sunday. All four of our children, two of their SOs, Miss Grandbaby, DH's brother and his wife, and SIL's sister and her wife spent the weekend at a resort village. We did have three condos/houses for all of those people. It was fun. 

Then adjusting to the time change is always difficult for me--though this round is easier than the other. 
DH left for a work trip yesterday, and he won't return home until late Saturday night. It's one of those few times per year I have complete solitude. I do miss him, but a few days of just quiet is nice. 

There's no school/no work for me tomorrow. I'll actually spend most of the day WFH just to get caught up on the crazy-long task list that I need to shorten. 

[NoNamePerson]

Nov 9, 2023 8:44:32 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Well, my day started out crappy with my fork piercing my Diet Pepsi can in my lunchbox and soaking all my food (including a sandwich) and the floor of my car.  It got better when I got into work and saw all the tables set up in the break room.  It's employee appreciation day!  Free taco salad for lunch!

I have to apologize to you because when I read your post I had such a visual that I actually burst out laughing, but was relieved to see that there was a silver living at the end. Enjoy the free taco salad. A fork that can puncture a Diet Pepsi can can be classified as a lethal weapon Just in case you should need such a weapon on short notice  

[lurkyloo]

Listening to the speaker painstakingly explain the technology I helped invent 

[raeoflyte]

I'm going to work on having an exceptionally good attitude today with a sales guy I've previously struggled with.

[azucena]

Nov 9, 2023 9:43:16 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Nov 9, 2023 8:44:32 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Well, my day started out crappy with my fork piercing my Diet Pepsi can in my lunchbox and soaking all my food (including a sandwich) and the floor of my car.  It got better when I got into work and saw all the tables set up in the break room.  It's employee appreciation day!  Free taco salad for lunch!

I have to apologize to you because when I read your post I had such a visual that I actually burst out laughing, but was relieved to see that there was a silver living at the end. Enjoy the free taco salad. A fork that can puncture a Diet Pepsi can can be classified as a lethal weapon Just in case you should need such a weapon on short notice  

I'm left wondering how fast MPL was taking the back road curves this morning 

[azucena]

You guys, the cat just ran thru my home office dragging DH's ren faire cape. I. CANNOT. STOP. LAUGHING.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 9, 2023 10:12:21 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I'm going to work on having an exceptionally good attitude today with a sales guy I've previously struggled with.

My resolve is already failing.

[lurkyloo]

Nov 9, 2023 10:21:38 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 9, 2023 10:12:21 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I'm going to work on having an exceptionally good attitude today with a sales guy I've previously struggled with.

My resolve is already failing.

Picture him as azucena ’s cat?

ETA:  or possibly MPL’s Diet Pepsi can 

[daisylu]

Nov 9, 2023 10:21:38 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 9, 2023 10:12:21 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I'm going to work on having an exceptionally good attitude today with a sales guy I've previously struggled with.

My resolve is already failing.

🤣 This was me yesterday.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We need to stop devaluing caretaking as well and quit considering it "familial duty" and/or "God's work".

Which ends up translating into it automatically being significantly devalued and since it is unpaid "family" work it ends up being mostly women who do it.

I know it's a cardinal sin on this board to say so but I am of the strong opinion there either needs to be a tax break or government backed financial compensation for caretaking.  I am just doing the financial aspect of it and it is almost a full time job in itself.  I've been penalized at work because I have to take time to do this crap during work hours because the people I need to contact are only open 8-5.  Then I have to be on the phone for God knows how long because they can't find the POA paperwork I sent them two weeks ago.

Not only would that ease the damage done by having to leave the work force but that would assign a monetary value to it.  That would perhaps entice more men to take on the burden of elder care if they felt they could get compensated for it.

If I can't change the system why not game the system?

There also needs to be a MASSIVE overhaul in oversight and costs of elder care because it's a racket.  I know Athena liked to say she will outlive her money but I am skeptical.  My grandma is paying $9k a month and it keeps going up and up.   Meanwhile facilities are closing left and right because despite charging that much they are bankrupting themselves into oblivion.

Many people don't have a choice but to take in relatives if you don't want the relative to end up homeless or potentially charged with elder abuse once the inevitable happens like with my grandma.

Make getting care affordable.  AND pay more so people want to actually work in the field.  I've seen what the deal with $12/hr is a freaking crime.   I know the claim is "oh well the nursing homes will have to charge more".  They are already charging $9k per month!  I think they could spare some of that to pay their staff more.

And in regards to Medicaid here is a secret I just learned.  While Medicaid will only pay $5k give or take I still have to hand over my grandmother's SS and pension to the nursing home.  So they are getting an extra $2k from me every month on top of the $5k they get from Medicaid.  If they can't operate on $7k +/- a month per resident something is wrong.