what are you doing right now?

[TheOtherMe]

I have shut many cats in closets.  Lucy slept in the bedroom so much that I would not realize I had locked her in the closet until she made a lot of noise.

Somehow Lucy managed to lock herself in the basement bathroom.  I was able to get her out after finding a You Tube video.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Nov 8, 2023 16:29:42 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Nov 8, 2023 9:58:20 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

We got a hand addressed handwritten letter from a different town and return address names I didn’t recognize.  Turned out it was realtors asking if we’d be willing to sell our house to their prospect.  Probably best they weren’t there in person, my knee jerk answer was somewhere between “F*** no you twats” and running them out of town on a rail 

I have no patience for salespeople.  I’m not wired that way; I am allergic to wasting people’s time.

I get texts and phone calls asking to buy our house.
Just for giggles, I responded to one text that the price would be $1 million.  They wanted to know how I figured that price.  [My house isn’t worth 1/4 of that.]

Heck, if I got to go through the trouble of moving and finding another place, you better make it worth my while.

I was getting texts about our house.  Every offer they made, I counter offered much, much more.  Zillow has this house somewhere between $800-900k, I was asking $8 million.  TD thought it was hysterical that I managed to play them as long as I did.  I was amused.  The only way we will sell is if the offer is sufficient to buy a one level house that overlooks the water.  That ain’t happening.

[chiver78]

Nov 8, 2023 15:23:12 GMT -5 msventoux said:

Nov 8, 2023 9:48:55 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Y'all, I just lost a whole 80 pound dog. I couldn't find Macy for the life of me. The poor thing had been locked in my room. I didn't know she was in there. When I opened the door she darted out of there like she'd been locked up for years. She was only missing for about an hour before I realized I hadn't seen her in a while.

I’ve unknowingly kidnapped a dog before. There was an elderly golden retriever following me around my yard one day years ago. Not uncommon as at that time a bunch of people let their dogs wander the neighborhood on their own.  I went into the house, then closed the garage door via the door from the laundry room. I went and took a shower and was relaxing a couple hours later when I kept hearing occasional muffled barking. I went back to the laundry room and peeked in the garage and the old dog was laying by the stairs wagging his tail and woofing at me. I gave him some water and walked him home. Sweet old boy. 

aw 💗🐾

[giramomma]

Nov 8, 2023 16:32:31 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Nov 8, 2023 13:07:28 GMT -5 bean29 said:

How old is your FIL?  As I mentioned the other day, I am feeling a lot of guilt that I should quit working and take care of my mother.  I just don't feel that we can afford the loss of my retirement savings and the cost of the insurance that my job currently covers.  My Dad used a wheelchair and then was bedridden for the last 10 years of his life, and my mother always cared for him at home.  I am just so conflicted and feel like I am failing her.  I also am not keeping up with my household cleaning duties, and our maintenance issues are piling up.  It never occurred to me Alexa could call 911.  I ask her to call my phone on the regular.  Unfortunately, I often accidentally turn the ringer off, so it does not always help me find my phone.  I can tell you my mom would never remember that Alexa could call 911 for her b/c it was not implanted in her head from early on.  I have noticed my mom is shuffling her feet more,  so risk of fall is increasing.  She is 85.

You have talked about your mother's memory issues.

The feet shuffling is a sign of dementia.  I had no idea it was when dad started doing that.  

I agree you have to insure that you have retirement.  Life is not longer like it was when women didn't usually work outside the home and took in elderly family members.  

I'm sorry.

Right? The youngest sister of one of my grandmas was raised to basically not get married and not have a job so she could be the family caretaker. I'm guessing she took care of people from her mid 30s-mid/late 70s.

She'd be over 100 by now.

Times have changed.

I can't imagine raising the missy in the same manner, to groom her for a life of a care taker.

[raeoflyte]

I don't think we've shifted that much though. We still expect women to take on that care taker role. But now you should be working full time and raising a family too.

[lurkyloo]

Nov 8, 2023 16:29:42 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Nov 8, 2023 9:58:20 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

We got a hand addressed handwritten letter from a different town and return address names I didn’t recognize.  Turned out it was realtors asking if we’d be willing to sell our house to their prospect.  Probably best they weren’t there in person, my knee jerk answer was somewhere between “F*** no you twats” and running them out of town on a rail 

I have no patience for salespeople.  I’m not wired that way; I am allergic to wasting people’s time.

I get texts and phone calls asking to buy our house.
Just for giggles, I responded to one text that the price would be $1 million.  They wanted to know how I figured that price.  [My house isn’t worth 1/4 of that.]

Heck, if I got to go through the trouble of moving and finding another place, you better make it worth my while.

We JUST dropped north of 100K and a crapton of effort on installing a gorgeous pool for DS.  Location is perfect for us and we have roots here. We are not moving for any price.  I’m too pissed at them to even screw around with them bc I’d probably just call and scream invective at them and they are not worth my time or anger.

[countrygirl2]

Took DD to the chiropractor, back next week.

We decided to run to the city so called hubs and told him. Went to Pennys found a pretty purple sweater and shirt for DD and  gold colored jeans and sweater for me. They were already marked down than and extra 30% off, so got it all for $68. I had to charge my JC Pennys card to get the discount, than paid it off at the same time, so I'm good.

Went to Ollies' got 2 toilet lid covers for Christmas, a couple of gift bags, so window wipes for the car, uhh, not much different, darn. not much else.  And stopped and picked up yogurt, cottage cheese,  and milk.  I'm trying to not spend much this month so I will be able to Xmas shop next month when we go to Washington.

DIL wanted to tell little guy we are coming up. I told her wait, we don't know what could happen yet. If hubs has to have radiation treatment I likely will have to stay here and take him back and forth. I told her we have reservations and everything, but still let's wait. No point in getting him excited then letting him down.

And like I said, hubs is going down to mow at his folks house. And he said I need you to lower the big back gate on the trailer so I can get the mower on it and go down and lower it so I can unload it. I haven't lifted that thing since year before and I'm not sure I can, but I never said anything to him. Again I don't want him trying it. But this just has to end. I told hubs lets lower his rent some and have use of our mower and him mow that yard. I'm sure that's going to happen unless we sell that place.

Also we are concerned that house prices are going down and may not be able to sell ours for what we want. So many ends to pull together to make all this happen. And complications may be coming in also.

[lurkyloo]

Nov 8, 2023 17:37:44 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I don't think we've shifted that much though. We still expect women to take on that care taker role. But now you should be working full time and raising a family too.

Sandwich generation FTL (for the loss).

My mother is faking it well but her short term memory is crap and it is not playing well with her paranoia.  DS has finally got to a point where he is less work and now I’m having to coordinate with people I don’t like, take on more responsibility I don’t want, and have wound up getting my BFF involved, to try to keep an eye on my mother.  BFF claims it’s her job because she’s also family (true dat, we’ve been friends since 3rd grade and she was always my mother’s favorite ) and I’d do the same for her were the situation reversed (also true) but I feel guilty as all hell asking her to drive over and check on my mother periodically.  

There was a guardianship scam article in WaPo the other day that now has me wondering whether my brother can get the court to order a guardianship if she already has an established financial durable POA…I should probably bother her to get the healthcare one set up too 

Plus I am now making contingency plans for the event that MIL and/or FIL start in on politics at Thanksgiving.  Most of them involve walking away and driving home with DS and the turkey 

I really like my job but it’s not easy and I don’t always have as much to put into it as I probably should.  

[soupandstew]

Got the car fixed (round two) and we ran a lot of errands together.  Going to my author's tomorrow to drop off and pick up another load of edits.  Many, many emails on community issues, intense, ugly.  I am thinking very seriously on whether I can be a professional and productive board member next year in light of the ongoing harassment and constant legal threats.  I know I CAN but I just don't WANT to.  I promised the incoming president a decision by the end of November.  

Saturday is forecast for a high of 59 and 60% chance of showers.  And I have an outdoor, rain-or-shine, shred day 9 to 12 at the association office.  Nothing like dripping and shivering while unloading cars and trucks.  On bad knees    Supper will be leftover chili from the freezer.  

[andi9899]

Nov 8, 2023 17:26:25 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 8, 2023 16:32:31 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

You have talked about your mother's memory issues.

The feet shuffling is a sign of dementia.  I had no idea it was when dad started doing that.  

I agree you have to insure that you have retirement.  Life is not longer like it was when women didn't usually work outside the home and took in elderly family members.  

I'm sorry.

Right? The youngest sister of one of my grandmas was raised to basically not get married and not have a job so she could be the family caretaker. I'm guessing she took care of people from her mid 30s-mid/late 70s.

She'd be over 100 by now.

Times have changed.

I can't imagine raising the missy in the same manner, to groom her for a life of a care taker.

That's messed up.

[cooper88]

Nov 8, 2023 10:04:20 GMT -5 swamp said:

Nov 8, 2023 9:14:15 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

I was wondering why all the pets were in our bed when I woke up this morning. Turns out we had an earthquake in the middle of the night. DH and I slept right through it. The thing lasted about ninety seconds.

where do you live? 

I don't mean your address, General area of a state is fine.  I'm not a stalker freak, I'm just curious about the earthquake. 

Southeast New Mexico. The earthquake was in West Texas where they do all the fracking.

[soupandstew]

Made the dumb bitch mistake of trying to share actual feelings with DH-got the expected linear response.  I really am stupid to expect better or different.  And he wonders why I don't want to hear about his journeys in life, duh!

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 8, 2023 13:34:36 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Nov 8, 2023 10:19:42 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Will travel for good company.

Don't say that. I'll fly you out here and get you into all kinds of trouble.

I think you’re about 6 hours from me. I’ll drive.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 8, 2023 15:36:04 GMT -5 ners said:

Not wanting to adult. Just so frustrated.

[finnime]

Nov 8, 2023 19:33:09 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Made the dumb bitch unthinking mistake of trying to share actual feelings with DH-got the expected linear response.  I really am stupid crazily optimistic to expect better or different.  And he wonders why I don't want to hear about his journeys in life, duh!

[Pink Cashmere]

I started working my side gig Monday. I worked it today. I have to go back in a little over an hour, and won’t get back home until the wee hours of the morning.

Instead of the lady who works for a private company making the schedule for this week like she usually does, a federal employee made it so they can horn in on the events. We are not usually out so late at night, and she doesn’t live here. So Monday afternoon I asked her if she made the schedule and she started going on and on about how she’s hyper and has to stay busy, blah blah blah. Lady, nobody cares. And I didn’t ask you about all of that. So I told her to make sure she doesn’t leave anything valuable in her car and not to be surprised if her whole car is gone when we leave after the night time events, and to be careful getting back to her hotel since we’ll be leaving so late. She looked horrified and asked if I was serious. I said “Very”. 

I wasn’t exaggerating. Where we were Monday night and where we will be tonight, cars are regularly broken into or stolen off the parking lots. And both are in sketchy areas as far as safety, period. 

The only good thing about it is that since I won’t get home until the wee hours of the morning, I don’t have to work my regular job tomorrow. I told my side gig boss that if I worked tonight, since I’ll be getting home in the wee hours of the morning, I need to be on his time tomorrow instead of having to go to my real job. He agreed. I go back to my real job Friday.

I actually enjoy my side gig, but I don’t like this stupid schedule this lady made. Fortunately we only have to deal with her this week and then we’ll be back to normal. If she participates next year, I hope she doesn’t do this stupid shit again.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Abby will be performing to Singing in the Rain for recital.

It was one of my mom's favorites.

Did not see that gut punch coming. Almost started crying when Gene Kelley started singing.

[giramomma]

Nov 8, 2023 17:37:44 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I don't think we've shifted that much though. We still expect women to take on that care taker role. But now you should be working full time and raising a family too.

I dunno. We're fighting that tooth and nail.

[Pink Cashmere]

So today, I had already been warned about an employee that is transistioning from female to male that gets offended and raises a ruckus anytime he is referred to as “she” and has filed several grievances with his employer over several things, including being addressed properly. Once I saw him, I felt like it is an easy mistake for people to make when talking to someone with FF size breasts. And I know that’s the size because I overheard him telling one of the other workers how he plays his Doctor complaining of back pain and said the size. I know people with large breasts do experience back pain and other issues, but this person specifically said what they were doing and showed the unnatural posture they use when they see their Doctor and complain about back pain, and said they do it every time they see their Doctor. I was not amused. He also made sure to tell all of us individually that he was transitioning. 

That was none of my business, and I didn’t like the vibe, especially after hearing how he “plays” his Doctor. I felt like he just likes attention period, and I wasn’t entertaining that. I wasn’t rude, but I wasn’t trying to have a conversation either. 

The one man that was working with us was confused and pulled me to the side and asked me whether the person was a he or she. I told him that he’d said he was transitioning from female to male, and to be very careful with the pronouns. Not 5 minutes later, the transitioning male was talking to one of the ladies working with us and the lady said ma’am, and things got tense for a minute because he said I AM NOT A MA’AM!

I’ve worked with someone that was transistioning before, she didn’t go around announcing it to everybody she met, but our employer made us all aware that she was transistioning. The first few years, I was afraid to say anything to her because of how my employer handled her coming to work in our building, but over the years, we started chatting a little. Nothing personal, just about work stuff. Over the next several years that she worked there, she never said one word to me about her transitioning. Nor did I ask anything about it, because it wasn’t my business.

But then there was the person today, announcing it to all of us individually. And I would think that since he has large breasts that clearly aren’t man boobs, it’s understandable that people might unintentionally get it wrong sometimes, without trying to be funny or offensive. 

Anyway, just something that happened today.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I wasn't expected to take over my dad feels incredibly guilty.

I was mad at first but the deeper I've waded in I get it. It was a mistake. A big mistake but a mistake thanks to an overly complicated system he was trying to navigate alone under immense pressure.

And if mom had made it I likely would have taken over anyhow because his priority rightly would have been my mother.

Idk if I cam consider Bob to be weaponizing incompetence or not. He has no obligation to grandma or GU. Mom passed.

I suppose we'll see. Since I'm already a level 20 million expert on elder care it makes sense as time goes on I handle things for dad.

DH and his siblings are sharing but SIL as the eldest and probably a dose of sexism is the medical and financial POA. I get why DH isn't. Not sure about BIL.

Course SIL is a VP at a health insurance company so she also has the expertise to navigate all this crap.

I wish it was easy to learn.

DH pitches in where he can with grandma and before that GU but since he's not next of kin there isn't much he can help with anymore.

[raeoflyte]

Nov 8, 2023 20:37:00 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Nov 8, 2023 17:37:44 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I don't think we've shifted that much though. We still expect women to take on that care taker role. But now you should be working full time and raising a family too.

I dunno. We're fighting that tooth and nail.

What do you mean? That you're fighting taking over care taking duties?

[Peace77]

Nov 8, 2023 17:41:55 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

And like I said, hubs is going down to mow at his folks house. And he said I need you to lower the big back gate on the trailer so I can get the mower on it and go down and lower it so I can unload it. I haven't lifted that thing since year before and I'm not sure I can, but I never said anything to him. Again I don't want him trying it. But this just has to end. I told hubs lets lower his rent some and have use of our mower and him mow that yard. I'm sure that's going to happen unless we sell that place.

Also we are concerned that house prices are going down and may not be able to sell ours for what we want. So many ends to pull together to make all this happen. And complications may be coming in also.

You have mentioned a shortage in housing in your area.  That should raise prices some.  At any rate, it’s worth it to get out of the business of being the landlord even if your profit is a bit less than you would like.

[giramomma]

DH promised me a night away before I completely lose it.

The missy pukes up congestion at night, and then can't go to school the next day. 

DH has the day off tomorrow, so that will give me a little space.

I'm also very worried about the missy. She did pretty well all day today.

[NastyWoman]

Nov 8, 2023 19:33:09 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Made the dumb bitch mistake of trying to share actual feelings with DH-got the expected linear response.  I really am stupid to expect better or different.  And he wonders why I don't want to hear about his journeys in life, duh!

[NastyWoman]

Nov 8, 2023 16:29:42 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Nov 8, 2023 9:58:20 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

We got a hand addressed handwritten letter from a different town and return address names I didn’t recognize.  Turned out it was realtors asking if we’d be willing to sell our house to their prospect.  Probably best they weren’t there in person, my knee jerk answer was somewhere between “F*** no you twats” and running them out of town on a rail 

I have no patience for salespeople.  I’m not wired that way; I am allergic to wasting people’s time.

I get texts and phone calls asking to buy our house.
Just for giggles, I responded to one text that the price would be $1 million.  They wanted to know how I figured that price.  [My house isn’t worth 1/4 of that.]

Heck, if I got to go through the trouble of moving and finding another place, you better make it worth my while.

 You are a graduate of Trump University majoring in property valuation. Who would dare doubt that 

[giramomma]

Nov 8, 2023 21:21:56 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Nov 8, 2023 20:37:00 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I dunno. We're fighting that tooth and nail.

What do you mean? That you're fighting taking over care taking duties?

The social perception that only women can be caregivers. I am sending out 4 people into this world that know men can be caregivers too, and might even expect that in their relationships.

[TheOtherMe]

My mom was not a good caregiver so she didn't raise us to be caregivers.  Mom hated taking care of us when we were sick,  but she did it--with no help from dad.  

My mom and I are very much alike when it comes to caregiving.  She did not participate in the caregiving of either one of her parents.  Enough of her siblings were around to help with grandma, who was cared for at home.  When grandpa's dementia, got to bad he went to the county poor farm.  Mom never visited him and got livid when an aunt took my sister to visit him.

My dad's dad died before I was born.  That family got extremely lucky that a son who never married to her in when he got out of the Navy and she lived in his home for the rest of her life.  My grandma never worked outside the home and received the minimum social security since neither she nor grandpa ever paid in.  Until he got sick, he was working for the federal government.  

Uncle let that be grandma's spending money.  She loved to play bingo and she used to send all of the grandkids cards that always included $1 crisp, new dollar.  When uncle went to the Rose Bowl, grandma stayed with us and the other brother who lived in Des Moines.  

I overheard my dad telling mom it was time to give uncle some dollars.  

When grandma died, uncle had done probably 85% of the caretaking.  At the end she was in the hospital for a couple of weeks.  The siblings told him to keep whatever money was in her bank account.  

What was hard was that the pictures each family had given grandma didn't get back to that family.  They were put in boxes and may or may not have your child's photos.  Mom finally found the ones that were important to her.  When uncle died, there was an auction and the gifts we had given grandma were up for sale.

[Artemis Windsong]

I'm so disappointed.  Someone stole my bicycle from my back patio.  It's been gone about 2-3 days.

Oddly. the thief  bypassed the neighbors  bikes that are a much better quality than my $10 garage sale buy.  We reported it to the local patrol.  I also posted on the neighbors facebook page.  I had no photos of it.

Yesterday, I also saw someone rummaging through the cubbys in our golf cart when I was on the pickleball court.  There are wind screens up muting vision.   Our sand container is high on one of the roof supports.  There was nothing in the cart of value.  Only old golf balls, ball markers and a tow rope. 

Our gated community is getting uncomfortable.  My single neighbor is freaked out.  I am now feeling targeted.

[soupandstew]

Nov 8, 2023 22:30:24 GMT -5 Artemis Windsong said:

I'm so disappointed.  Someone stole my bicycle from my back patio.  It's been gone about 2-3 days.

Oddly. the thief  bypassed the neighbors  bikes that are a much better quality than my $10 garage sale buy.  We reported it to the local patrol.  I also posted on the neighbors facebook page.  I had no photos of it.

Yesterday, I also saw someone rummaging through the cubbys in our golf cart when I was on the pickleball court.  There are wind screens up muting vision.   Our sand container is high on one of the roof supports.  There was nothing in the cart of value.  Only old golf balls, ball markers and a tow rope. 

Our gated community is getting uncomfortable.  My single neighbor is freaked out.  I am now feeling targeted.

I'm sorry for what's happening in your community 

[minnesotapaintlady]

So, I was grumping about all the Christmas stuff out tonight when I was shopping waiting for Carrot to get done with tennis, until I saw there was eggnog!  YAY! 

I am currently celebrating signing my siding contract with Fireball spiked eggnog.  So nummy.