what are you doing right now?

[azucena]

I have about six one off email requests that I need to just suck it up and answer. Tedious and I don't wanna.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

I will never understand credit card companies.  I got a phenomenal rate for airfare to go to Bali (TD’s dive trip) then onto Bangkok for a cruise from there to Vancouver.  2 tickets, Seattle to Bali, Bali to Bangkok.  

The charge for Thai Air went through ok, but the charge from SEA. to Bali was declined.  We have used this consolidator fairly regularly, she is my Plan B if I can’t find airfares cheaper.  She beat my best try by about $1000/pp.  We do have to spend the overnight in Singapore, and that hotel has been booked.  TD called the card company, flights booked.  That card has never balked at us using this source before.

My sister, OTOH just got her card hacked.  $1100 in Venmo charges after she used her debit card to pay for SLAP last Thur.  Apparently it’s going to take 10 days for that money to be returned to her.  This is the second time that card has been hacked in the last few months.  I suggested she no longer use a debit card, and use a credit card for everything and just pay the card in full.  That way, if the card gets hacked she’s not out $$ while it’s getting resolved.

[andi9899]

Nov 7, 2023 8:51:27 GMT -5 daisylu said:

My manager comes in tomorrow for a local site visit. Previous manager at the site sent an email yesterday in an effort to avoid the visit. Stated a bunch of things, which I later proved incorrect via screenshots, and he doubled down - even though his first and second lines of his retort contradicted each other. So my manager scheduled a 3PM meeting with me to discuss. I knew it was going to be contentious between old manager and myself anyway, but he showed his hand early. Plus he is a keyboard warrior and would never DARE to say such things to your face. Little does he know that my manager's manager directed him to take the gloves off. So today will be spent documenting and logging every dirty deed that I know and creating a list of complicated questions that old manager can not answer (because he zero knowledge of the data system) or BS his way through. 

You have got to update us on this!

[raeoflyte]

Work is so damn frustrating! But that frustration probably means paychecks coming soon so....it's a lot more tolerable with that in mind.

[azucena]

Work email etiquette 101

- sort messages by subject so you can read most up to date email before you respond
- our client account team is sales, pricing/me, underwriting. working with different sales folks lately and they ctl all client communication. whatever, but at least copy me so I can stay up to date and, you know, maybe even pitch in if you get swamped or are traveling

[Pink Cashmere]

My therapist sent me a text this morning canceling my appointment today. She said she forgot her daughter had an event. I give up.

[busymom]

Nov 7, 2023 13:40:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

My therapist sent me a text this morning canceling my appointment today. She said she forgot her daughter had an event. I give up.

    Ugh!  Might be time to consider finding a new therapist.  Since the problem is on her end, can't she reschedule you during a time when she normally doesn't see clients?

[finnime]

Sorry, Pink Cashmere . That bites.

ETA: And I agree with busymom, too. Can you look for another therapist?

[daisylu]

Nov 7, 2023 13:43:21 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nov 7, 2023 13:40:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

My therapist sent me a text this morning canceling my appointment today. She said she forgot her daughter had an event. I give up.

    Ugh!  Might be time to consider finding a new therapist.  Since the problem is on her end, can't she reschedule you during a time when she normally doesn't see clients?

[daisylu]

I am too lazy to post pictures, but saw a meme today that I really needed to see today:

To the women who are labeled.....
Aggressive: Keep being Assertive.
Bossy: Keep on Leading.
Difficult: Keep telling the truth.
Too Much: Keep taking up space.
Awkward: Keep asking hard questions.

Please do not shrink yourself to make people happy. Be yourself, you are beautiful that way.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Ugh I am going to kill someone.  We sent in the form to have that whole life policy surrendered on October 31st.  They just NOW scanned it in and haven't even begun the process.  they said it will take 30 days just to process and even more time before I actually get the check. 

We told them that is unacceptable a Medicaid application is hanging on this.   Customer service lady stonewalled us.  Demanded to speak to a supervisor.

Stonewalled Medicaid lady refused to talk to her would only talk to me.  I said I am on the other line get your supervisor.  Stonewall.  NO go get your supervisor we need to get shit done.

Oh boy that set her off and she started going off on us.  She claims there was no supervisor and will forward my number.  Yeah right. 

We will call again tomorrow.  This could push her out to December or later.

The Medicaid lady said we are doing what we can.  As long as she shows the nursing home we're plugging forward they aren't going to come banging down my door.

What a fucking mess.  I wouldn't use that funeral home if they were the last one on Earth.   TBF to my grandmother she was grieving and we don't know exactly when her memory problems started so I don't entirely fault her for the hoodwink there was a lot of sketchy shit going on with this policy according to the Medicaid lady and the other funeral home director.

But I can be mad at her for thinking she was so dang smart knew better and that my dad is "just a kid" so doesn't know anything and it isn't any of his business.  If she had taken my father with her none of this would have happened.  He wouldn't have let her sign up for it at all and taken her butt to Forest Lawn.   Nope she took freaking GU with her instead.  I will give him credit they pissed him off bad enough during their sell he refused to deal with them so there was that at least.

Just ugh.  I told the Medicaid lady I am so freaking tired.  Maybe I shouldn't have said "shit" but she was pissing me off.   I am tired of this life insurance company gaslighting us at every turn.

[raeoflyte]

Pink that sucks. I'm so sorry.

Finding a new provider is exhausting and I know not always an option but I hope you start having better luck soon.

[wvugurl26]

I'm seriously second guessing the oral surgeon I picked and paid $1500 to because insurance won't pay. First he was in a dentist office renting space. That was weird and the virtual dental assistant too. Now he's moved within the same building and is located in an eye doctor's office!

I just reviewed the website again and sure enough for TMJ it mentions x-rays which he never did. And now he's in a damn eye doctor's office they certainly don't have the equipment.

I thought at least some of the initial office visits could be covered so I picked one in network with my medical insurance. My choices were slim.

[countrygirl2]

Sometimes I feel cleaning is such a thankless task. It's clean maybe a day or two and than slowly gets ready to be done again.

I am working my way through. I have vacced our bedroom, bath, closet, laundry room, and kitchen. I tried to pull the fridge out. I always could but today could not get it to budge. I won't ask hubs, he is out mulching leaves.

It got to hot in here and I had to turn the AC on in Nov!  I'm using hubs shop vac, my old sweeper with the long hose died. This one has a long hose but no solid one so I have to do it on the floor, hands and knees. There is lots of cathair down there. The robot doesn't get under but about half the furniture. Also cleaning the ducts and window sills and ledges while I'm vaccing. Once I'm done will mop, but using my stick mop, no more hands and knees today. I had to take a break for a bit. Wish I could open the windows but hubs is in a dust cloud out there, so I won't. He has taken 2 hitches at the lawn. One the other day and again today, I appreciate he is not trying to overdo it.

I'm also hydrating with some ice water.

[countrygirl2]

NoMore, the medicaid lady is right. The incompetent nursing home bookkeeper kept hounding me. Remember when I was going nuts during covid trying to get MIL's VA pension stopped. It went on for almost a year. The home must have had a lot of problems with their bookkeeper, as they got rid of her and also wrote off a couple of charges that I think was doubled. They will wait, they will keep after you but they will wait. If they did her on the street, go to the media, that's what I was going to do. . I may be wrong but I don't think it will come to that long as medicaid is helping you.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 7, 2023 16:09:29 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

NoMore, the medicaid lady is right. The incompetent nursing home bookkeeper kept hounding me. Remember when I was going nuts during covid trying to get MIL's VA pension stopped. It went on for almost a year. The home must have had a lot of problems with their bookkeeper, as they got rid of her and also wrote off a couple of charges that I think was doubled. They will wait, they will keep after you but they will wait. If they did her on the street, go to the media, that's what I was going to do. . I may be wrong but I don't think it will come to that long as medicaid is helping you.

It shouldn't because we could sue their ass if they threw her on the street she has to have a "safe" place to be discharged to out of their care.  If we refuse to take it then it would have to be another home.

I'm not worried about that.  I just don't want them pulling the same shit they did last time.  I know I have help this time around but I have serious PTSD after dealing with these people for the past two years.  I know I can only control what I can control but every time another road block appears my blood pressure goes up.

I am just tired of it all.  Between grandma, GU, the home and the level of stupidity involved regarding the red tape is driving me to consider drinking.

Thank God I don't have to worry about the pension.  The fact that the military did dirty to Vietnam vets is an entirely different saga for a different day but the fact that their record keeping meant grandpa didn't serve in Korea according to them made *my* life easier.

[chiver78]

OOO message is up for tomorrow. I was so irritated this morning, and then the short time out at the pier over lunch fixed ALL of our attitudes. I'm looking forward to taking tomorrow away from all this bullshit, and spending the day playing. it's gonna be cold, but LD has a coat and I have hat and mittens if need be. and that's likely after today hitting high 60s lol... 

[mollyanna58]

I read one article on retirement on MSN a couple of days ago, and now every other story on my feed is about retirement planning, savings, where to live, where not to live, what expenses to cut, on so on.

[jerseygirl]

Pink hoping you can get a more responsible therapist. Canceling so much isn’t acceptable

Drama - just skimming your posts on Medicaid funeral home and insurance policy
Question- why are you obliged to use that particular funeral home? If funeral isn’t paid for - why?
Will insurance policy ONLY pay that particular FH? Is it named in policy as a beneficiary?
If not can you use another FH? No need to respond just thought I’d mention in case you’re so immersed in this crap that you haven’t had time or energy to think
Sorry you’re going through this. All these government program are needlessly complex maybe to keep people employed? I always thought that
And you’re smart and follow through probably more than most in the population. Gives all who get entangled serious anxiety and stress. I’ve been there with my DSis

[soupandstew]

DH went for his annual check-up this morning.  At some point he will need to go to the lab for blood and urinalysis-I asked he notify me a day ahead as it delays breakfast an hour or two.  Other than that, I keep my nose out of his medical affairs because he is so intensely paranoid about medical personnel and procedures.  I don't care to listen to another hour or two of how evil doctors are - I've heard the monologue before.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 7, 2023 16:56:14 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Pink hoping you can get a more responsible therapist. Canceling so much isn’t acceptable

Drama - just skimming your posts on Medicaid funeral home and insurance policy
Question- why are you obliged to use that particular funeral home? If funeral isn’t paid for - why?
Will insurance policy ONLY pay that particular FH? Is it named in policy as a beneficiary?
If not can you use another FH? No need to respond just thought I’d mention in case you’re so immersed in this crap that you haven’t had time or energy to think
Sorry you’re going through this. All these government program are needlessly complex maybe to keep people employed? I always thought that
And you’re smart and follow through probably more than most in the population. Gives all who get entangled serious anxiety and stress. I’ve been there with my DSis

Buckle up because this is a doozy. 

We aren't but we had to wrestle the policy away from them.  They were real dicks about handing it over to us.  it took me, Forest Lawn, the medicaid lady AND my dad throwing our weight around to finally get him to send it to Forest Lawn. 

We got that a couple weeks ago finally and took it to Forest Lawn where we want to have it.  That is where all the plots are.

The problem is my grandmother never paid for a funeral.  She paid for a whole life insurance policy.  The whole life insurance policy is held by a totally different entity than the funeral home.

The whole life insurance policy is owned by her and pays out to her ESTATE.  The funeral itself was never paid for and was never set up to be irrevocable.  I could do whatever I wanted with that life insurance policy.  That's part of the issue.

The second part of the issue is whole life has a cash value that you can borrow against. That is a no no for Medicaid.  The cash value of the policy is $7775 and some change.  Well over the amount she is allowed to have for Medicaid.

Forest Lawn will not accept responsibility or ownership for this whole life policy.  They could lose their license if they accepted this as it is currently set up.  None of this was set up right and everyone has A LOT of questions that will never get answered.  We have to start from scratch which means getting the damn money back she used to pay for the insurance policy.

So we have to get the company to surrender the life insurance policy to me.  Once the funds are returned I will take the money and pay Forest Lawn for the actual funeral itself and they will make it irrevocable solving the issue and we can go ahead with the Medicaid application.

It is the life insurance company that is now jacking around with us.   We have to have that policy canceled, check in hand and check gone again before we can apply for Medicaid.  They are claiming it can take up to 2 months before I get the money.


ETA: Even if she died tomorrow and all of this was pointless I wouldn't give one red cent to the funeral home after the BS we've dealt with.  The policy pays out to her estate which means *I* get to decide what happens to it.  Fuck them and their stupid contact I would refuse to sign the body over.  You done messed up by not making it irrevocable.  

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 7, 2023 13:43:21 GMT -5 busymom said:

Nov 7, 2023 13:40:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

My therapist sent me a text this morning canceling my appointment today. She said she forgot her daughter had an event. I give up.

    Ugh!  Might be time to consider finding a new therapist.  Since the problem is on her end, can't she reschedule you during a time when she normally doesn't see clients?

She should reschedule you at your convenience.  I know everyone wants to text now but this is the 2nd cancellation, correct?  She should have called and rescheduled right then.

Otherwise, I would be finding someone else.  She isn't reliable.

[TheOtherMe]

Nov 7, 2023 12:57:11 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

I will never understand credit card companies.  I got a phenomenal rate for airfare to go to Bali (TD’s dive trip) then onto 

My sister, OTOH just got her card hacked.  $1100 in Venmo charges after she used her debit card to pay for SLAP last Thur.  Apparently it’s going to take 10 days for that money to be returned to her.  This is the second time that card has been hacked in the last few months.  I suggested she no longer use a debit card, and use a credit card for everything and just pay the card in full.  That way, if the card gets hacked she’s not out $$ while it’s getting resolved.

This is why I don't use my debit card except for one thing:  at an ATM to get cash.

Most cards have some kind of reward now.  If I put a larger purchase on a card, I pay it off as soon as it settles.  

That's what I did because dad didn't have a credit card to pay for his hearing aids.  I paid for them and he gave me a check to reimburse.  I did have his debit card with me that day but I was not using it for that kind of money.

ETA:  ATM at the bank itself

[countrygirl2]

We just had a wonderful hamburger. The Odon meat we buy is so good tasting, I just can't say enough good about it. I'm sure its raised locally and I'm betting not in feed lots. The amish shop there too and the owner is amish.  And even better I'm pretty sure its not frozen either. The store has a huge processing area in the back. From hoof to case I would say. I told hubs we move we need to fill the freezer with enough for a year and dry ice and ice it for his trip up. He drives it in a day or two. I missed the good meat from here when gone. But it used to be all stores had it, now its just that one pretty much.

I got all the house swept, the ductwork cleaned, the sills and window ledges cleaned. I want to mop and may tonight yet. I will use my mop, only the bathrooms need the hands and knees approach. 

Just the same thing everyday. It gets tedious at times, hope we make it to Washington.

Today I had to start the gas blower for hubs. This is frustrating him, but he is doing it. I still don't think he should be riding the mower, even slow.

Tomorrow DD goes to the chiropractor and Friday I'm getting an hour massage, can't wait.

[soupandstew]

NomoreDramaQ1015  I know that absolutely nothing will ever make up for the time and misery your grandmother's and uncle's situations have caused you BUT I can only hope that many of us here, having read your story, are motivated to put their own affairs in order.  And to hammer their elderly relatives to get their houses in order too.  I'm afraid far too many are still procrastinating, still trying DIY estate planning, and generally whistling in the dark about their futures.  

Every time you post about this issue, I am reminded of two old sayings, "No one gets out of here alive" and "Penny wise, pound foolish".  Thank you for sharing your journey so others can heed the lesson.

[giramomma]

So when DS gets all , he usually says "I can't wait until I move out."

After hearing DS talk about the big question going around work today...I almost said "I can't wait until I move out."

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Nov 7, 2023 18:31:48 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

NomoreDramaQ1015  I know that absolutely nothing will ever make up for the time and misery your grandmother's and uncle's situations have caused you BUT I can only hope that many of us here, having read your story, are motivated to put their own affairs in order.  And to hammer their elderly relatives to get their houses in order too.  I'm afraid far too many are still procrastinating, still trying DIY estate planning, and generally whistling in the dark about their futures.  

Every time you post about this issue, I am reminded of two old sayings, "No one gets out of here alive" and "Penny wise, pound foolish".  Thank you for sharing your journey so others can heed the lesson.

.

TBF but only a little my grandparents took care of their parents and so on. Still not fair to my dad but I understand their mindset

And she has made it to 89 without needing Medicaid.

The main fault lies with the funeral home. They did not do their due diligence.

Forest Lawn said the underwriters should have kicked back grandma's policy.

I'm mad at her for not trusting my father and thinking my mom was some sort of gold digger because she was 4 years older than my dad.

Which lead her to cut off her nose to spite her face.

That and being so codependent on her brother she never stopped to realize he was equally as old so maybe it's time to update shit.

And if I don't trust my own kid I have a granddaughter I could talk too. Unless she thought mom brainwashed me.

That's 100% on her.

[busymom]

Sheesh!  Are the door-to-door salesmen getting more ballsy now, or what?  First, it gets dark early here now, and someone first rings the doorbell, so I'm cooking dinner & ignoring it.  Then they start knocking on the door.  I have 2 neighbors, one a widow, who occasionally need our help, so I answer the door, and of course it's some idiot selling something.  I told him flat out that dinner was on the stove & I have to get back to it.  He says "you can have someone else stir dinner", which of course made me mad.  I didn't cuss him out, but I did say he could leave any paperwork by the door, and I shut the door on him.  Rude!  

[finnime]

It's crazy, salespeople at the door or on the phone, relying on your good manners to not interrupt them while they're interrupting you trying to sell crap. It took me until my 40's to feel comfortable just saying "No" and hanging up immediately on someone I realized was making a salespitch. And shutting the door on someone -- same thing.

[Pink Cashmere]

Nov 7, 2023 20:02:15 GMT -5 busymom said:

Sheesh!  Are the door-to-door salesmen getting more ballsy now, or what?  First, it gets dark early here now, and someone first rings the doorbell, so I'm cooking dinner & ignoring it.  Then they start knocking on the door.  I have 2 neighbors, one a widow, who occasionally need our help, so I answer the door, and of course it's some idiot selling something.  I told him flat out that dinner was on the stove & I have to get back to it.  He says "you can have someone else stir dinner", which of course made me mad.  I didn't cuss him out, but I did say he could leave any paperwork by the door, and I shut the door on him.  Rude!  

I am pretty sure I would’ve cussed him out and insulted his Momma.