what are you doing right now?

[raeoflyte]

Oct 22, 2023 17:15:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Oct 22, 2023 17:07:58 GMT -5 weltz said:

Thank you!  A happy husband does not find solace in the arms of another.

Men (and women) do entertain and get involved with other people, even when they have what they admit themselves is a good marriage and a good spouse….. if they are lacking in character.

If we admit that monogamy isn't for everyone I think that opens up some leeway. It doesn't forgive the hurt caused from an affair, but if alternative relationships were more acceptable there might be fewer hurtful affairs.

[Pink Cashmere]

Oct 22, 2023 17:21:01 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 22, 2023 17:15:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Men (and women) do entertain and get involved with other people, even when they have what they admit themselves is a good marriage and a good spouse….. if they are lacking in character.

If we admit that monogamy isn't for everyone I think that opens up some leeway. It doesn't forgive the hurt caused from an affair, but if alternative relationships were more acceptable there might be fewer hurtful affairs.

That would require honest conversations. Because most people can’t even be honest with themselves, it’s impossible for them to be honest with another person. Then there is the issue that many people won’t be honest about those types of things because they don’t want their partner to have the same freedom that they want for themselves, so they lie about who they really are.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Oct 22, 2023 17:15:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Oct 22, 2023 17:07:58 GMT -5 weltz said:

Thank you!  A happy husband does not find solace in the arms of another.

Men (and women) do entertain and get involved with other people, even when they have what they admit themselves is a good marriage and a good spouse….. if they are lacking in character.

Right, but if one is willing to do that behind the others back its still broken whether they were happy with their spouse or not. I mean, unless the one being cheated on decides that's acceptable to them.

[raeoflyte]

Oct 22, 2023 17:27:37 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Oct 22, 2023 17:21:01 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

If we admit that monogamy isn't for everyone I think that opens up some leeway. It doesn't forgive the hurt caused from an affair, but if alternative relationships were more acceptable there might be fewer hurtful affairs.

That would require honest conversations. Because most people can’t even be honest with themselves, it’s impossible for them to be honest with another person. Then there is the issue that many people won’t be honest about those types of things because they don’t want their partner to have the same freedom that they want for themselves, so they lie about who they really are.

I agree, but if it were more acceptable in society in general those conversations might not be as difficult.

[daisylu]

Oct 22, 2023 16:37:34 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Trying to figure out if I should turn myself in for money laundering? I found .32 in the washer. 🤔

I wish I could say the same, lol. There is a coin stuck inside one of the baffles in the dryer. You have to take a bunch of stuff apart to remove the baffle so I'm living with it, but it drives me crazy!

[daisylu]

Oct 22, 2023 17:07:58 GMT -5 weltz said:

Oct 22, 2023 16:50:54 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I get where welts was coming from too. By the time there's an affair the marriage was probably a hot mess anyhow even if both parties weren't aware of that quite yet.

Thank you!  A happy husband does not find solace in the arms of another.

But the original post by Mich said it "helped end the marriage", not that it was the only reason - though likely the straw that broke the camel's back.

Happy husbands, and wives, cheat for all kinds of reasons. Happiness almost never has anything to do with cheating. Way to blame the person who was cheated on. 🙄

[daisylu]

Oct 22, 2023 17:21:01 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 22, 2023 17:15:39 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Men (and women) do entertain and get involved with other people, even when they have what they admit themselves is a good marriage and a good spouse….. if they are lacking in character.

If we admit that monogamy isn't for everyone I think that opens up some leeway. It doesn't forgive the hurt caused from an affair, but if alternative relationships were more acceptable there might be fewer hurtful affairs.

IA. I remember watching "Big Love" on HBO many moons ago when I was single. I think I could live that life the other way around - meaning I'd be the wife with multiple husbands. Which is even more taboo than a man having multiple wives.

DH would never be onboard with that and I can admit that I'd never be onboard with him being intimate with another woman, so this is where we are.

That's my (over)sharing for the day. I'd be happy to have an offline discussion with anyone who wants to PM.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Oct 22, 2023 17:53:11 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Oct 22, 2023 17:07:58 GMT -5 weltz said:

Thank you!  A happy husband does not find solace in the arms of another.

But the original post by Mich said it "helped end the marriage", not that it was the only reason - though likely the straw that broke the camel's back.

Happy husbands, and wives, cheat for all kinds of reasons. Happiness almost never has anything to do with cheating. Way to blame the person who was cheated on. 🙄

EXACTLY!  I didn’t say she broke up the marriage, there were a lot of problems, but my sister was willing to do the work to try to make things right.  Her ex decided after 24 years he wasn’t even going to try.  

I did not like my ex BIL (and oddly enough, he likes TD).  But the reasons I didn’t like him had more to do with his moral character than anything.  His entire family was like this in that if they could steal something, they would.  So sister’s ILs stole from my sister regularly (like ask her to put her card down as a deposit on their hotel room, and charge to that card, not their own).  My BIL was building a deck, bought the cheapest lumber for said deck and walked out with the most expensive.  There were a lot of situations like this.  If my sister objected, her ex just gave her a hard time until she rolled over.  I don’t know why none of them got DUIs as all of them drank excessively and drove.  There was absolutely no compromise.  All holidays had to be spent with his family, and the ex groused the last Christmas my dad was alive because my sister did put her foot down about going.  He may as well as stayed at home, but she paid for that trip a long time.  

[Opti]

Oct 22, 2023 17:53:11 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Oct 22, 2023 17:07:58 GMT -5 weltz said:

Thank you!  A happy husband does not find solace in the arms of another.

But the original post by Mich said it "helped end the marriage", not that it was the only reason - though likely the straw that broke the camel's back.

Happy husbands, and wives, cheat for all kinds of reasons. Happiness almost never has anything to do with cheating. Way to blame the person who was cheated on. 🙄

Some people want new and shiny and have several spouses over their lifetime. Others cheat no matter what because it is who they are. Others easily give into temptation as they like others pursing them. 

And I agree its not cool to blame the person being cheated on.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

You know you are an adult when one of the more exciting finds when cleaning out a house is a six piece unopened set of Tupperware.

[weltz]

Oct 22, 2023 18:10:20 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Oct 22, 2023 17:53:11 GMT -5 daisylu said:

But the original post by Mich said it "helped end the marriage", not that it was the only reason - though likely the straw that broke the camel's back.

Happy husbands, and wives, cheat for all kinds of reasons. Happiness almost never has anything to do with cheating. Way to blame the person who was cheated on. 🙄

EXACTLY!  I didn’t say she broke up the marriage, there were a lot of problems, but my sister was willing to do the work to try to make things right.  Her ex decided after 24 years he wasn’t even going to try.  

I did not like my ex BIL (and oddly enough, he likes TD).  But the reasons I didn’t like him had more to do with his moral character than anything.  His entire family was like this in that if they could steal something, they would.  So sister’s ILs stole from my sister regularly (like ask her to put her card down as a deposit on their hotel room, and charge to that card, not their own).  My BIL was building a deck, bought the cheapest lumber for said deck and walked out with the most expensive.  There were a lot of situations like this.  If my sister objected, her ex just gave her a hard time until she rolled over.  I don’t know why none of them got DUIs as all of them drank excessively and drove.  There was absolutely no compromise.  All holidays had to be spent with his family, and the ex groused the last Christmas my dad was alive because my sister did put her foot down about going.  He may as well as stayed at home, but she paid for that trip a long time.  

He sounds like an asshole.  Tell me, do you have any idea why she wanted to stay yoked to an ass like that?  Did they have any kids together?

[minnesotapaintlady]

Marriages can be broken and not be anyone's fault, the cheater or the cheated on and even the most perfect marriage on the outside can have a cancer growing inside.

But, you know...this is coming from someone twice divorced, so probably not the one to get relationship advice from.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Oct 22, 2023 18:38:43 GMT -5 weltz said:

Oct 22, 2023 18:10:20 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

EXACTLY!  I didn’t say she broke up the marriage, there were a lot of problems, but my sister was willing to do the work to try to make things right.  Her ex decided after 24 years he wasn’t even going to try.  

I did not like my ex BIL (and oddly enough, he likes TD).  But the reasons I didn’t like him had more to do with his moral character than anything.  His entire family was like this in that if they could steal something, they would.  So sister’s ILs stole from my sister regularly (like ask her to put her card down as a deposit on their hotel room, and charge to that card, not their own).  My BIL was building a deck, bought the cheapest lumber for said deck and walked out with the most expensive.  There were a lot of situations like this.  If my sister objected, her ex just gave her a hard time until she rolled over.  I don’t know why none of them got DUIs as all of them drank excessively and drove.  There was absolutely no compromise.  All holidays had to be spent with his family, and the ex groused the last Christmas my dad was alive because my sister did put her foot down about going.  He may as well as stayed at home, but she paid for that trip a long time.  

He sounds like an asshole.  Tell me, do you have any idea why she wanted to stay yoked to an ass like that?  Did they have any kids together?

He ‘loved’ her, she him and her biological clock was ticking ever louder.  She was over 30 when she married him.  They had 4 kids together (which is how this discussion started….about her ex’s fiancée getting to hold her new grandson first).  .  

The stuff I mentioned was stuff that happened over their marriage.  He was on his best behavior while they were dating.  He got a lot worse when they moved back to his family, and most of the shit I posted happened then.  At that point, they had 2 kids and had been married 7 years or so.  

[raeoflyte]

Oct 22, 2023 18:41:02 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Marriages can be broken and not be anyone's fault, the cheater or the cheated on and even the most perfect marriage on the outside can have a cancer growing inside.

But, you know...this is coming from someone twice divorced, so probably not the one to get relationship advice from.

Or maybe a great person to give advice!

[swamp]

Oct 22, 2023 11:13:41 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Not pointing to anyone here in particular, but just wondering.  People here are sometimes on the "outs" with their SO or DH.  That's normal. 

My group of 5 close friends is much the same.  I'm not, I haven't been married in almost 20 years and the two longer term relationships I've had in that time are long over.  I have no desire to ever enter into a new relationship at this point.  I have enough unpleasant marriage memories.  The other 4 are in long term marriages. 

So in the group of 5 (or 4, not counting me), we recently talked about whether anyone would be open to finding someone new. Only one of them was open to it. The others were "definitely not!"

If for one reason or another you lost your spouse or significant other to death, divorce, dementia, whatever -- would you be open to another marriage or long term relationship? 

To me, it seems like women are more likely to say no that than are the men.  

I’m one and done. DH has his moments but he’s generally good. 

I just dont want another. 

[giramomma]

I have to learn how to bind a quilt. Not the normal way, since it's not really bound.  But I still have to learn the stitch.

We were at defcon 3 for a while because I couldn't find one of my two thimbles.

I am tired.

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Oct 22, 2023 18:35:25 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

You know you are an adult when one of the more exciting finds when cleaning out a house is a six piece unopened set of Tupperware.

Are you an adult when you head out on an autumn walk and all you want to do is shuffle your feet through the leaves? 

[soupandstew]

I just heard a really sad story about one of my neighbors.  He is one of three middle-aged children.  He and his siblings always thought they would inherit a substantial amount as mom & dad lived in a little old house in a very gentrifying neighborhood where the lot value would be at least $1 million.  This inheritance was to be the funding of their retirements.  Mom & dad drove nice cars, dressed very well, and were VERY generous donors at their church so the kids assumed there were other assets like investments.  No surprise, the parents were old-school, and would not talk about $$ with the children.  Mom & dad both developed serious health problems, first mom and then dad.  In and out of the hospital, falls at home, stays in rehab places, etc.  Finally they were physically unable to return home, even with home health assistance, and were both placed in a nursing home where they stayed for a couple of months before passing away.  Long story short, they had executed some type cash-out arrangement/reverse mortgage or something like that which was how they kept up their lifestyle and lavish charitable support for the church.  After the medical bills and nursing homes costs were paid, there was nothing left for the kids to inherit.  Two of the three children were forced to take early retirement because of significant health problems, and they had to apply for SSDI.  The third sibling is saddled with a lot of debt for their children's education which they anticipated paying off with their inheritance.  

[Cheesy FL-Vol]

Oct 22, 2023 18:58:35 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 22, 2023 11:13:41 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Not pointing to anyone here in particular, but just wondering.  People here are sometimes on the "outs" with their SO or DH.  That's normal. 

My group of 5 close friends is much the same.  I'm not, I haven't been married in almost 20 years and the two longer term relationships I've had in that time are long over.  I have no desire to ever enter into a new relationship at this point.  I have enough unpleasant marriage memories.  The other 4 are in long term marriages. 

So in the group of 5 (or 4, not counting me), we recently talked about whether anyone would be open to finding someone new. Only one of them was open to it. The others were "definitely not!"

If for one reason or another you lost your spouse or significant other to death, divorce, dementia, whatever -- would you be open to another marriage or long term relationship? 

To me, it seems like women are more likely to say no that than are the men.  

I’m one and done. DH has his moments but he’s generally good. 

I just dont want another. 

Same. My first marriage was Trump light. DH is a gem. If he goes first, I don’t want to deal with or need another man. I am pretty independent.

[soupandstew]

Oct 22, 2023 17:53:11 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Oct 22, 2023 17:07:58 GMT -5 weltz said:

Thank you!  A happy husband does not find solace in the arms of another.

But the original post by Mich said it "helped end the marriage", not that it was the only reason - though likely the straw that broke the camel's back.

Happy husbands, and wives, cheat for all kinds of reasons. Happiness almost never has anything to do with cheating. Way to blame the person who was cheated on. 🙄

[swamp]

Oct 22, 2023 19:03:50 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I just heard a really sad story about one of my neighbors.  He is one of three middle-aged children.  He and his siblings always thought they would inherit a substantial amount as mom & dad lived in a little old house in a very gentrifying neighborhood where the lot value would be at least $1 million.  This inheritance was to be the funding of their retirements.  Mom & dad drove nice cars, dressed very well, and were VERY generous donors at their church so the kids assumed there were other assets like investments.  No surprise, the parents were old-school, and would not talk about $$ with the children.  Mom & dad both developed serious health problems, first mom and then dad.  In and out of the hospital, falls at home, stays in rehab places, etc.  Finally they were physically unable to return home, even with home health assistance, and were both placed in a nursing home where they stayed for a couple of months before passing away.  Long story short, they had executed some type cash-out arrangement/reverse mortgage or something like that which was how they kept up their lifestyle and lavish charitable support for the church.  After the medical bills and nursing homes costs were paid, there was nothing left for the kids to inherit.  Two of the three children were forced to take early retirement because of significant health problems, and they had to apply for SSDI.  The third sibling is saddled with a lot of debt for their children's education which they anticipated paying off with their inheritance.  

Maybe I’m mean, but I don’t really think it’s  sad. 

They were  dumb. 

don’t count your chickens before they hatch.  You are never guaranteed an inheritance 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oct 22, 2023 19:01:54 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Oct 22, 2023 18:35:25 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

You know you are an adult when one of the more exciting finds when cleaning out a house is a six piece unopened set of Tupperware.

Are you an adult when you head out on an autumn walk and all you want to do is shuffle your feet through the leaves? 

Well that's just the law. There is no age limit on that.

[swamp]

Yesterday I took a road trip to SUNY Plattsburgh with DS.  They have an amazing robotics program. I want to go back to college. 

so far he has not disliked any school he looked at other than SUNY Oswego.  He still wants to go to Syracuse, but unless they toss him at least $40k per year, it’s not gonna happen. 

[soupandstew]

If I were to be alone, I would love to date and get laid.  No way do I want a sleep over, move in, cohabitation etc.  Food, travel, romp in the sack, goodby!  And 50/50 on all expenses, don't even think I'm paying the freight.  Don't want to hear about your physical ailments, don't want to hear about your poor portfolio performance, don't want to hear about your problems.

[soupandstew]

Oct 22, 2023 19:10:04 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 22, 2023 19:03:50 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I just heard a really sad story about one of my neighbors.  He is one of three middle-aged children.  He and his siblings always thought they would inherit a substantial amount as mom & dad lived in a little old house in a very gentrifying neighborhood where the lot value would be at least $1 million.  This inheritance was to be the funding of their retirements.  Mom & dad drove nice cars, dressed very well, and were VERY generous donors at their church so the kids assumed there were other assets like investments.  No surprise, the parents were old-school, and would not talk about $$ with the children.  Mom & dad both developed serious health problems, first mom and then dad.  In and out of the hospital, falls at home, stays in rehab places, etc.  Finally they were physically unable to return home, even with home health assistance, and were both placed in a nursing home where they stayed for a couple of months before passing away.  Long story short, they had executed some type cash-out arrangement/reverse mortgage or something like that which was how they kept up their lifestyle and lavish charitable support for the church.  After the medical bills and nursing homes costs were paid, there was nothing left for the kids to inherit.  Two of the three children were forced to take early retirement because of significant health problems, and they had to apply for SSDI.  The third sibling is saddled with a lot of debt for their children's education which they anticipated paying off with their inheritance.  

Maybe I’m mean, but I don’t really think it’s  sad. 

They were  dumb. 

don’t count your chickens before they hatch.  You are never guaranteed an inheritance 

Yes, that's really what I thought was sad-that educated grown-ups made the mistake, but lots of folks do count those chickens.  You aren't mean.  The chickens are coming home to roost for my neighbor as his house is really deteriorating and he has zero $$.  At some point, it will come to the attention of local authorities.  At this point, he has virtually no sewer service and limited water supply.  It's not going to get better for him, and his 2 siblings can't help him out.

[NastyWoman]

Oct 22, 2023 19:01:54 GMT -5 Cheesy FL-Vol said:

Oct 22, 2023 18:35:25 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

You know you are an adult when one of the more exciting finds when cleaning out a house is a six piece unopened set of Tupperware.

Are you an adult when you head out on an autumn walk and all you want to do is shuffle your feet through the leaves? 

In that case you are a well rounded human being who knows that to be an adult you do not have to kill of the little kid inside of you IMO.

[stillmovingforward]

Oct 22, 2023 18:59:15 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I have to learn how to bind a quilt. Not the normal way, since it's not really bound.  But I still have to learn the stitch.

We were at defcon 3 for a while because I couldn't find one of my two thimbles.

I am tired.

I love to bind quilts. It's very relaxing.

[soupandstew]

We had a crazy good time at today's outing to our friend's home.  There were seventeen of us this year, all ages and stages, eleven persons of color including a totally blind former surgeon.  We thoroughly discussed everything from the environmental and social impact of Amazon, to gun control, social media, public education, work/life balance, access to healthcare, and much more.  And we ate an incredible autumn-themed meal including a cranberry-pecan quinoa that was amazing. DH and I saw old friends from years past and made new ones.  One woman looked very familiar to me and, toward the end of the afternoon, we finally figured out that we actually knew one another from her role as a community representative with our solid waste services.  She and I had participated in several community clean-up events and local police initiatives.  I never knew she was a friend and fellow parishioner of our hostess, just a couple degrees of separation.  It was a truly beautiful time together and I am grateful.  

[toomuchreality]

Oct 22, 2023 19:34:22 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

We had a crazy good time at today's outing to our friend's home.  There were seventeen of us this year, all ages and stages, eleven persons of color including a totally blind former surgeon.  We thoroughly discussed everything from the environmental and social impact of Amazon, to gun control, social media, public education, work/life balance, access to healthcare, and much more.  And we ate an incredible autumn-themed meal including a cranberry-pecan quinoa that was amazing. DH and I saw old friends from years past and made new ones.  One woman looked very familiar to me and, toward the end of the afternoon, we finally figured out that we actually knew one another from her role as a community representative with our solid waste services.  She and I had participated in several community clean-up events and local police initiatives.  I never knew she was a friend and fellow parishioner of our hostess, just a couple degrees of separation.  It was a truly beautiful time together and I am grateful.  

A group like this seems like a good group to discuss what to do about homelessness.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Got the trunks and hauled them downstairs.

According to the tag on the bigger one it cost $32.26 at Brandeis.

Its HUGE on the inside. It is perfect for rotating clothes during various seasons and I can actually find stuff unlike in the plastic totes.

Turned around and used the totes for my sewing stuff and Abbys American Doll stuff.

Used the bigger one for all the Christmas wreaths and the vintage ornaments before DH tosses something on them and destroys them.