what are you doing right now?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 27, 2023 12:33:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

My mother said she didn't trust me and hated me.  She wanted Bob.

She was delusional so I know it wasn't really her talking it was her brain trying to piece together what had happened in the two weeks she was under.

But still OUCH.  It keeps me awake at night sometimes. 

I try to remember instead a conversation we had a couple days before where she told me she loved me and was proud of me.

[swamp]

Sept 27, 2023 12:33:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

because he was aware that your mom is extra, and didn't want to burden you with it. 

[giramomma]

Sept 27, 2023 14:03:40 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 27, 2023 12:33:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

My mother said she didn't trust me and hated me.  She wanted Bob.

She was delusional so I know it wasn't really her talking it was her brain trying to piece together what had happened in the two weeks she was under.

But still OUCH.  It keeps me awake at night sometimes. 

I try to remember instead a conversation we had a couple days before where she told me she loved me and was proud of me.

Oh, I'm so sorry. That would cut me to the core.

[bean29]

Sept 27, 2023 14:03:09 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

well, it doesn't matter what the weather is in OCMD this weekend, or what I pack to wear in it. I woke up this am with a 101deg fever and vomiting. nothing would stay down, even water.

went out (masked up) and curbside picked up a 2pk of covid tests. well, while I was waiting for it to cure some positive result, I checked my temp again. 102.8 around noon I've basically been sleeping all day and have listed my 3-day festival ticket for resale. 😔

Oh no.  I am so sorry you are sick.  How do you resell the concert tickets?  Are they digital tickets like pro-baseball tickets now, so you just e-mail them to the purchaser?  Good luck with selling them, and hopefully you can get some meds from your doctor.

[countrygirl2]

A Miller Trust isn't that big a deal to set up. And it just needs reported but the state will get that money. 

I believe you could be overthinking this stuff right now. Just deal with the here and now and as medicaid said it will take its course.  If he leaves her money, it will just be attached and go toward her bill too and that will take time.

My aggravation was due to covid and the govt basically shutting down. I could get nothing resolved because of it. Hopefully that doesn't happen again. If they had still been functioning, I think the money would have just gone back to VA, but at that time was not to be.

We are trying to decide if we should go ahead and set up a trust for DD of say $50k. The only difference will be, if she doesn't draw on it till we are deceased 50% of the earnings go to federal taxes. Once she is drawing down on it, not so.  Or when we die that amount will be set aside for her in a Trust, but there will be one with son as guardian. I'm pretty sure when that is done that money will be gone. Whichever state she is in will grab it. We need to decide as we need to redo our will, we have half going to her with hubs insisting, I explained reality to him of medicaid and we are just going to leaven enough to care for her needs annually. She will get about $3k per month from his SS after he is deceased and only get $50 a month for her use so she will need more to draw on per year. Will she really get clothes, hair, dental, shoes, and all from it? Who knows, if DIL doesn't do it, it will just set there until the state sucks it dry. We just want to make sure its there for her legally. We can only control so much after our death. I don't know what will happen to sons estate when he passes, she is absolutely clueless about taxes our laws or anything. He tries to explain and she gets made because SHE doesn't understand. I have tried to tell her things she needs to know and she doesn't want to talk about people dying. Someone will likely drain her of all the money he and us will leave, such a shame.I suggested to son he leave a trust for son and than an attorney will have to manage it for her. But there are so many unscrupulous ones, how do you know? We have had that happen to many people here, losing it all to attorneys or a financial manager. You do the best you can.
As long as I stay mentally competent, I can handle it all, but as hub says that could change in an instant, he is so right. Hopefully I can take care of him and DD. But the will thing needs to be taken care of soon.  Need to make an appointment this week or next with our attorney. Than it will all have to be redone in Washington.

Paperwork and responsibility will follow me to the edge of my grave, LOL. 

But at least if the PO and this house sells, I'm done with our LLC, only one property left and it will just go to normal rental schedule for a year or so till its sold. I'm dropping it, so less paperwork.

Ok got to think about dinner shortly. I want fried or steamed cabbage, haven't had any in a long time and am hungry for it. Hubs and DD, cheeseburgers and fried potatoes. I will have a meat patty, no cheese, no bread, maybe worcestershire on it and sauteed mushrooms.

[daisylu]

Sept 27, 2023 14:03:09 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

well, it doesn't matter what the weather is in OCMD this weekend, or what I pack to wear in it. I woke up this am with a 101deg fever and vomiting. nothing would stay down, even water.

went out (masked up) and curbside picked up a 2pk of covid tests. well, while I was waiting for it to cure some positive result, I checked my temp again. 102.8 around noon I've basically been sleeping all day and have listed my 3-day festival ticket for resale. 😔

Oh no. That is a very high fever for an adult. Sorry your weekend plans are ruined and hope you feel better soon.

[countrygirl2]

chiver take care of yourself, doesn't sound good whether its covid or not.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 27, 2023 14:23:18 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sept 27, 2023 14:03:40 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

My mother said she didn't trust me and hated me.  She wanted Bob.

She was delusional so I know it wasn't really her talking it was her brain trying to piece together what had happened in the two weeks she was under.

But still OUCH.  It keeps me awake at night sometimes. 

I try to remember instead a conversation we had a couple days before where she told me she loved me and was proud of me.

Oh, I'm so sorry. That would cut me to the core.

The nurse was fantastic.  She saw the look on my face and explained ICU delusion.   My mom had lost 2 weeks of time.  While she couldn't communicate with us she could still hear and feel things.  When our brain doesn't have our eyes to tell us what is going on it will make up its own narrative based on the things it has heard/felt.

To her my dad and I were conspiring against her because we were the ones with her in the hospital.  We were holding her against her will.  She did not know why she was there.

She was getting really angry almost violent with me so I had to call Bob and have him talk her down.

If she had lived she would with our help and the nurses' help eventually pieced most of it together.

That doesn't make it any less awful though.

[giramomma]

Oh, I'm prepping for a meeting in which I'm going to have rbf.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 27, 2023 14:30:39 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Oh, I'm prepping for a meeting in which I'm going to have rbf.

When does someone NOT have rbf during a meeting?  Are there people who actually smile in meetings?  Those people must be serial killers.

[gs11rmb]

Sept 27, 2023 14:05:01 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 27, 2023 12:33:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

because he was aware that your mom is extra, and didn't want to burden you with it. 

That was my thought too.  From everything you've said, your father loved you but didn't protect you from your mother's instability.  This could be his way of letting you know that you've done enough and you've been a good daughter.

Be kind to yourself.

[countrygirl2]

I got my Halloween decorations up. I love the one reflector light I bought. It was $49 but has slides that go in it for multiple holidays. They slide in and have a cap that screws on to keep it waterproof, everything on it is sealed well. I wish I had gotten 2 of them as they have 2 slides for Xmas and Halloween. It also has its own timer and a remote, I love because 6 hours in the evening is enough, I may order another.

Put up my blowup dragon and a pumpkin, the pumpkin is rather on the small side. Then 4 hanging pieces on the front porch and 2 Halloween wreaths one on front and back . Want to see it after dark but think its going to be good. Also 2 artificial pumpkins in the planters and a skeleton in a tree, I'm done. Took me longer than I anticipated so folded the last load of clothes. Than cleaned off the stove, back, and microwave and washed all the grids in the d/w off the top of the stove.

I'm still going to mop each bathroom and put the clean throw rugs down as we are going to mess around and fall in there on the tile. Would be stupid to let that happen needlessly.

Hubs said wait on vaccing at the trailer, can do it another day. I need to mop and clean there too. Hubs said keep a bed to put down there in case we sell this and he has to come back sleep there on a trip back to pick up stuff. The logistics are not going to be good.

I'm thinking we can sell some of the cheap stuff we bought up there and take our table and chairs, a hutch, 2 recliners, and our new beds and get rid of those old ones up there. And DD's bed, though we bought her a nicer used chest and night stand than she has now so won't go. So some things we won't have to store here. Hubs said we need to take enough in a load to justify the cost of driving back and up, that's true. Than he was pointing out all the tools and equipment he wants to take. I told him we better find a house with a garage.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 27, 2023 14:28:06 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

A Miller Trust isn't that big a deal to set up. And it just needs reported but the state will get that money. 

I believe you could be overthinking this stuff right now. Just deal with the here and now and as medicaid said it will take its course.  If he leaves her money, it will just be attached and go toward her bill too and that will take time.

Let me explain, EVERYONE and their mother has assured me that none of this is a "big deal" since the day the ink dried on the fucking POA.

Absolutely NONE of this has been easy or straight forward.   Especially dealing with work, deaths and a bonus old person through it all.   I cannot quit my job just to manage and deal with everything involved in being my grandmother's POA.

I get it that is life I have to suck it up and pull up my undies.  Which I have to the point of where I am so burned out I barely feel anything at all without the help from antidepressants.

I don't want to set up a Miller Trust.  I don't care how "easy" it is that is just yet another mental task.  Not when my grandma's finances align perfectly at the moment.

If GU signing a piece of paper skipping my grandma means that's one less task then GOOD.  If it means that my dad and I finally get something out of it besides "personal satisfaction for doing the right thing" then even freaking better.

[countrygirl2]

Stop and think, many people on their death beds may not even know what is going on. I wouldn't worry about what was said or not said.

My mom said you will get tired of coming and seeing me after awhile.  I don't know what she did or didn't know. At last she said nothing, I think a lot of the brain activity was gone, just a long sigh. Never saw anyone pass before but I just knew she had.

My husbands poor aunt sure was hurt. Her husband was terminal but still getting around. He ran off in his truck one day and he told her he was sorry he ever married her and was leaving. They found him but these were two happily married people all their lives. So something like that could hurt and I'm sure it did. And his wife suffered quite some time, her girls tried to care for her but finally had to put her in a nursing home. It was sad, she had been a beautiful lady. Both girls died in their early 60's or younger with some kind of genetic disease. It was awful the way that nice family just came unglued.  Their kids had genetic tests to see if their kids would have it too.

Death will never go away, and it hits everyone differently.  Just don't take to heart what is said by someone on deaths door. 

[jerseygirl]

Hope you feel better soon chiver

[countrygirl2]

Well, I've always had to suck up my big girl panties. And no surprise, here I am at 77 probably going to have to do it at least 2 more times, maybe only one as I am getting really old.

I kept thinking life would get easier and less complicated, but it sure hasn't yet. So when does it ever happen? I will be so glad to sell all this stuff and move and have just one place to take care of, hope I make it to the point.

And as far as hoping I would get paid for some of it, another pipe dream. It always seems to fall on one person in a family. I see it all the time.

[anciana]

Sept 27, 2023 14:05:01 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 27, 2023 12:33:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

because he was aware that your mom is extra, and didn't want to burden you with it. 

I was embarrassed to post it, but my first thought was that he knew what you’re in for and felt guilty. Much love to you, gira 🤗

[andi9899]

Sept 27, 2023 13:51:27 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 27, 2023 12:06:51 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Doesn’t GU’s house need to go towards 
covering his own nursing home bill?    

If there’s nothing to inherit, you have nothing to worry about.

As of today he would owe Nebraska $3k according to the nursing home and the lawyer.  Let's say he lives till December that is about $15k-$20.   At the moment I am hard pressed to believe he will live past the end of the year but you never know.

Then there are $10k of liens on the house.

The house is poised to sell for $150k.  So even accounting for $30k that must go to other debts that leaves $120k floating around in probate.

If he hangs on as long as my grandmother has then you are correct there is nothing to worry about.   I'm actually somewhat worried she's going to outlive ME and become Gwen's problem.

He, unfortunately, is going the way a lot of elderly people do after being put into a home and is declining rapidly.

We need to do whatever we can to protect my grandmother's Medicaid process and that means preparing to get bent over a barrel.   

The Medicaid lady told me we're going to operate as planned since it could take a year or more to get the funds if they were to go to grandma and we'll deal with the legal ramifications then.

As it stands grandma's costs vs her income match perfectly so no need to deal with Miller Trusts or any of that shit.  I'd prefer to keep it that way.

Plus I am not going to lie at this point dad and I are freaking owed something.  If posters want to call me out on that they can be my guest but I am no longer going to hide how I feel about all this bullshit.  "The Satisfaction of doing the right thing" can kiss my butt.

After all the crap you have been through, you most definitely are owed something. I don't know how it's gonna work out, but hopefully you get something for your troubles.

[anciana]

Sept 27, 2023 14:03:09 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

well, it doesn't matter what the weather is in OCMD this weekend, or what I pack to wear in it. I woke up this am with a 101deg fever and vomiting. nothing would stay down, even water.

went out (masked up) and curbside picked up a 2pk of covid tests. well, while I was waiting for it to cure some positive result, I checked my temp again. 102.8 around noon I've basically been sleeping all day and have listed my 3-day festival ticket for resale. 😔

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling well, what a rotten turn of events. Hope you can get some rest, food, meds to get you on the path of healing soon. Hang in there 🤗

As NastyWoman mentioned last week, anyone can order more free tests from the gov again so I just signed up to have some shipped for our family for this fall/winter.
I also looked at making an appointment for the vaccine for our family. Our insurance said they’d open up tomorrow so I’ve been checking. The first available appointments are in 3-4 weeks so that’s a bit disappointing as I hoped for something sooner but it’ll have to do.

[countrygirl2]

When you are overwhelmed, remember:

A little at a time, Is how it gets done.

One thing,
One task,
One moment at a time.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN 

[countrygirl2]

Our next shots are the penumonia vaccine, I want hubs to have it before surgery. 
Than the RSV for all of us.

We all 3 have had the flu and covid shot already.

[anciana]

Sept 27, 2023 12:35:40 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I'm going to say that it is 1) validating to see that I must be busy since it's tiring just managing other people do the sh!t that I normally do without any notice and 2) annoying af to have to do so much handholding. I'm not upset with my parents because this is so far outside of their normal at this point and theyre graciously helping us a ton, but it’s a lot. I feel like an extreme micro manager, but it's needed. And where I do get annoyed is dh. Because hello - this should be his normal. And he doesn't get it. Doesn't get at all that "somehow" everything is my responsibility and he is just along for the ride.

I’m glad to hear you seem to be recovering nicely after your surgery and have lots of people helping things happen for your family. Yes, it most certainly is validating to see people notice how much you do on an everyday basis but it goes unnoticed. No, there are no fairies, things don’t just magically happen, it is always someone pulling the heavy load and making them happen! Take care of yourself and let them help you so you can ease into normal life later. I see no problem letting them all learn, DH and the kids, just how much you do to make their lives go so smoothly. Hugs 🤗

[Works4me]

The term is "Preservation of Assets For the Heirs" and I don't have a problem with it. It would be one thing if our financial system worked the way it is supposed to but it doesn't. The name of the game is cost shift and almost everyone does it or tries to. The fact of the matter is there are still legal ways around the five year look back, trusts can be broken and just because someone is in a sanctioned role does not mean they can be trusted.

Drama - you have my total support and all I have to say iS, "GO FOR IT!!!

[susana1954]

Sept 27, 2023 11:02:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Well refusing to accept the money is out.  DHS will not allow me to turn down an inheritance which I kinda figured.  They aren't going to allow money to escape.

But it will probably take a year or longer for probate to settle the Medicaid lady said we can worry about that then.

The fastest route would be get GU to sign a will giving it to dad and/or myself.   If he can verbally consent and scribble on a page that is good enough.  I can be a witness and so can my dad.  That would solve the entire problem.  GU can name whoever he wants the state cannot force him to give it to grandma.

But if there is no will that lives her as his direct living descendant.  Unless GU has a love child we don't know about but that tends to only happen in soap operas. 

I am not a lawyer, but I don't think that is how it works . . . at least in Alabama.  You aren't supposed to be the witness yourself to a will that makes you a beneficiary.

[giramomma]

Sept 27, 2023 14:31:51 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 27, 2023 14:30:39 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Oh, I'm prepping for a meeting in which I'm going to have rbf.

When does someone NOT have rbf during a meeting?  Are there people who actually smile in meetings?  Those people must be serial killers.

Actually, I did smile. Perhaps DH should start sleeping with one eye open? J/K.

[busymom]

Sept 27, 2023 15:31:37 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

When you are overwhelmed, remember:

A little at a time, Is how it gets done.

One thing,
One task,
One moment at a time.

AUTHOR UNKNOWN 

     Exactly!  (Says the caretaker who just had to drop off still another packet of paperwork to the attorney's office this week.  Right now I'm trying to correct some mistakes in the county's paperwork describing DS's problems.)  At times it just goes on and on.  So don't overthink it.  Just do the task that is immediately in front of you.  Simply put, if you thought ahead of time of how many times you are going to have to tie your shoes between now and the future, it'd drive you nuts.  So just deal with whatever has to be done today.  Then, when the task is done, try & enjoy the rest of today.  

[TheOtherMe]

My coughing is no longer coming from deep in my lungs.  It's just a dry cough and it's not a 20 or 30 minute fit.  

For whatever reason, I am very tired today.  I think that is part of Covid and I have no idea of how long that will last.

I did order groceries for Friday pick up.  For whatever reason, I can't scroll to a time past 8:30 AM online so I had to use my phone to get a later time.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

On a funnier note Wilbur is determined to catch his tail. I watched him do a back flip.

I tell you if you want comedic relief at the exact moment you need it get a pug.

[ners]

chiver78 Hope you feel better quickly.

Hugs to all who need them. 

[NastyWoman]

Sept 27, 2023 15:13:04 GMT -5 anciana said:

Sept 27, 2023 14:03:09 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

well, it doesn't matter what the weather is in OCMD this weekend, or what I pack to wear in it. I woke up this am with a 101deg fever and vomiting. nothing would stay down, even water.

went out (masked up) and curbside picked up a 2pk of covid tests. well, while I was waiting for it to cure some positive result, I checked my temp again. 102.8 around noon I've basically been sleeping all day and have listed my 3-day festival ticket for resale. 😔

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling well, what a rotten turn of events. Hope you can get some rest, food, meds to get you on the path of healing soon. Hang in there 🤗

As NastyWoman mentioned last week, anyone can order more free tests from the gov again so I just signed up to have some shipped for our family for this fall/winter.
I also looked at making an appointment for the vaccine for our family. Our insurance said they’d open up tomorrow so I’ve been checking. The first available appointments are in 3-4 weeks so that’s a bit disappointing as I hoped for something sooner but it’ll have to do.

So in one of my aimless musings I am now wondering what will happen with these test orders if there is a government shutdown? Will they just be delayed until Congress is ready to work something out? Or is this more like SS which supposedly will be paid on time? These tests may be pre-funded but someone will have to do the shipping and that costs money too.

ETA: my order included the message that shipping would start October 2 - after the potential shutdown date hence my "musings". I am not losing it completely yet.