what are you doing right now?

[swamp]

Sept 27, 2023 11:02:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Well refusing to accept the money is out.  DHS will not allow me to turn down an inheritance which I kinda figured.  They aren't going to allow money to escape.

But it will probably take a year or longer for probate to settle the Medicaid lady said we can worry about that then.

The fastest route would be get GU to sign a will giving it to dad and/or myself.   If he can verbally consent and scribble on a page that is good enough.  I can be a witness and so can my dad.  That would solve the entire problem.  GU can name whoever he wants the state cannot force him to give it to grandma.

But if there is no will that lives her as his direct living descendant.  Unless GU has a love child we don't know about but that tends to only happen in soap operas. 

No.  The people witnessing can not be the beneficiaries too. 

Get some nurses at the nursing home to do it. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 27, 2023 11:02:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Well refusing to accept the money is out.  DHS will not allow me to turn down an inheritance which I kinda figured.  They aren't going to allow money to escape.

But it will probably take a year or longer for probate to settle the Medicaid lady said we can worry about that then.

The fastest route would be get GU to sign a will giving it to dad and/or myself.   If he can verbally consent and scribble on a page that is good enough.  I can be a witness and so can my dad.  That would solve the entire problem.  GU can name whoever he wants the state cannot force him to give it to grandma.

But if there is no will that lives her as his direct living descendant.  Unless GU has a love child we don't know about but that tends to only happen in soap operas. 

I'd probably get a lawyer in there to draw up a will ASAP.  At least then you won't have to deal with more paperwork.  Can you really be a witness for a will that bequeaths to you?  

[swamp]

Sept 27, 2023 11:20:12 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Sept 27, 2023 11:02:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Well refusing to accept the money is out.  DHS will not allow me to turn down an inheritance which I kinda figured.  They aren't going to allow money to escape.

But it will probably take a year or longer for probate to settle the Medicaid lady said we can worry about that then.

The fastest route would be get GU to sign a will giving it to dad and/or myself.   If he can verbally consent and scribble on a page that is good enough.  I can be a witness and so can my dad.  That would solve the entire problem.  GU can name whoever he wants the state cannot force him to give it to grandma.

But if there is no will that lives her as his direct living descendant.  Unless GU has a love child we don't know about but that tends to only happen in soap operas. 

I'd probably get a lawyer in there to draw up a will ASAP.  At least then you won't have to deal with more paperwork.  Can you really be a witness for a will that bequeaths to you?  

No, you can not.  

[swamp]

Iowa requirements for a valid will. 

www.legis.iowa.gov/docs/code/633.279.pdf

The wording can be simple:

I, GU, give all my property, real and personal to Drama Dad.  If Drama Dad predeceases me, I give all my property, real and personal to Drama. 

Signed GU.

2 witnessses.  

[bean29]

Good Morning all.

DD wants to leave on vacation immediately after her shift today, unfortunately, she does not know if she will get on her flight b/c it is oversold.  She also was not able to talk to her boyfriend b/c they had a rather serious issue at his work site this am he had to deal with.  They are to meet in Atlanta today.  

Weather here is awful.  It has been raining cats and dogs.  I had ordered a raincoat from Lands' End Labor Day weekend, in a size PM and when I got it, it was just HUUGE.  I had ordered two fall coats.  So, I took the raincoat back, and asked them to send it to me in a PS, and when I got the coat, they sent me the one I kept in a size S.  I called, and they sent out the raincoat, but I still was not satisfied with the fit.  There is a drawstring, but it falls at my rib cage rather than near my waist, and the opening around my legs is still really generous.  I was going to return it, but it was raining so hard this am, I threw it on when I took the dogs out and was so incredibly glad, I had a longer raincoat to wear.  Dogs went across the street, peed twice, did not poop and ran for the front door.  Normally we go all the way around the block.  I also cleaned the rabbit cages this am, so had to take the garbage out in the rain.  The raindrops don't soak in at all it was very good at repelling the water, so I am happy with how it performed. I also got out my duck boots, so my feet stayed dry.

My husband got a message from his brother this am that his oldest son died.  I think he is around 42.  Has had a drug problem for about 20 years.  My BIL and SIL are in Vegas.  He goes to Vegas regularly for training, and SIL had called one of my BIL's last week that her husband was kicked out of one of the trainings and told to sober up before he came back.  This BIL has gone through rehab a few times but has been mostly sober for the last 10 years or so.  I don't know if my SIL knows, but airlines are not at all tolerant of intoxicated passengers and they will not allow you to board if they detect alcohol or suspect someone is not sober.  They had gone to Oregon for a few days to visit other family (trip was planned that way), but are back in Vegas.  She messaged me her husband has trainings Th/Fr, and he wants to go to the trainings.  DH was going to text him and see if he needed help with the plans.  His second son, who is full brother to M, handled the services for his mother a few years ago, so he might just handle everything. They have 4 children total.  Next two are half siblings and a boy and a girl.  All are adults and on their own. I had not texted my DD b/c I didn't think she needed to know while she was working, trying to leave on vacay...well her cousin, who is very close to her messaged her about it.  Also, the brother J, posted it on FB.  He is super solid.  he is in the military.  Cousins are close, so it is hard, although those two are a good 10-12 years older than my kids...but their younger brother and sister were my kids age, so those kids were close, and they do stuff together as "cousins".  

I was having a hot flash at work here - it is very unusual for me, but I had a short sleeve t-shirt with me, so I changed clothes.  Some of my coworkers complain often that it is too warm, but I usually have my little heater going.

There must be something going on with appliances rn.  I have my doubts that my dryer is working correctly.  It is taking at least 2 cycles to dry a load of towels, and I did some blankets the other day, and I think it took 3 cycles to dry them.  Sometimes it is a clogged vent, but DH checked it recently.  I need to take a vacuum cleaner to the dryer vent opening, but DH used one f those brush attachments for the drill on the vents. It hit me last night that my dryer might not be heating upm and it may not be my dryer vent at all.  My dryer has a vent sensor, and a warning pops up if the vent is clogged.  The lights are not on rn.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 27, 2023 11:12:28 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 27, 2023 11:02:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Well refusing to accept the money is out.  DHS will not allow me to turn down an inheritance which I kinda figured.  They aren't going to allow money to escape.

But it will probably take a year or longer for probate to settle the Medicaid lady said we can worry about that then.

The fastest route would be get GU to sign a will giving it to dad and/or myself.   If he can verbally consent and scribble on a page that is good enough.  I can be a witness and so can my dad.  That would solve the entire problem.  GU can name whoever he wants the state cannot force him to give it to grandma.

But if there is no will that lives her as his direct living descendant.  Unless GU has a love child we don't know about but that tends to only happen in soap operas. 

No.  The people witnessing can not be the beneficiaries too. 

Get some nurses at the nursing home to do it. 

Got it

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 27, 2023 11:23:28 GMT -5 swamp said:

Iowa requirements for a valid will. 

www.legis.iowa.gov/docs/code/633.279.pdf

The wording can be simple:

I, GU, give all my property, real and personal to Drama Dad.  If Drama Dad predeceases me, I give all my property, real and personal to Drama. 

Signed GU.

2 witnessses.  

That's the plan. As long as he can verbally consent and scribble it's enough.

[andi9899]

Oh snap! At the last minute a new rental was sent to my email. It's around the corner from my parents house. Literally. It's $500/ month cheaper than the townhouse I'm getting ready to rent. It doesn't have all the amenities, but I don’t have amenities now. My parents better hope I don't like it. I'm going to see it tomorrow. It will be much easier to stalk my parents from around the corner.

[countrygirl2]

It's 1 and I have not done a damn thing. Pajamas still on and bed not even made. There is a pile of clothes on top of it to fold. I have GOT to get my lazy a** in gear.  I did feed DD earlier and ate a banana and had a cup of coffee. Will have a boiled egg soon.

I'm going out and put up Halloween stuff. Really essential work, LOL!

I changed the follow up appt for DD tomorrow to Monday so I could go with hubs to doc. I want to know exactly what is happening with him. and I'm afraid he won't get it all or won't tell me some of it.

Ok, get up, get busy!

[Peace77]

Sept 27, 2023 11:02:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Well refusing to accept the money is out.  DHS will not allow me to turn down an inheritance which I kinda figured.  They aren't going to allow money to escape.

But it will probably take a year or longer for probate to settle the Medicaid lady said we can worry about that then.

The fastest route would be get GU to sign a will giving it to dad and/or myself.   If he can verbally consent and scribble on a page that is good enough.  I can be a witness and so can my dad.  That would solve the entire problem.  GU can name whoever he wants the state cannot force him to give it to grandma.

But if there is no will that lives her as his direct living descendant.  Unless GU has a love child we don't know about but that tends to only happen in soap operas. 

Doesn’t GU’s house need to go towards 
covering his own nursing home bill?    

If there’s nothing to inherit, you have nothing to worry about.

[weltz]

If I NEVER have to hear another word about Taylor Swift, it will be far too soon. She dominates all the headlines...who she's dating, the game she went to, the special sauce Heinz manufactured just for her, how she brought skorts back, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Frankly, at this point, I just want to smack her.

[raeoflyte]

This and Fb are the only places I ever see anything about Taylor Swift. And I don't get most the references anyway.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

So ordered a dryer this morning, should be delivered Saturday.  No new washer.  I don't ever thing I'll have a matching set!

Need to call my neighbor this morning to see how she's doing and if I need to run out for anything for her.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 27, 2023 12:18:33 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

This and Fb are the only places I ever see anything about Taylor Swift. And I don't get most the references anyway.

Same here, I pretty much have all this on ignore in my brain.  Same with the Kardashians.

[andi9899]

Another thing about this new house I'm looking at, it's right by a childhood friend's house. Both of our parents live on street A, he lives on street B. I would live at the halfway point between the two. It would be good to hang out with him every now and then. We've know each other since kindergarten. We still talk when we see each other while visiting our respective parents. It's such a small world.

[weltz]

Sept 27, 2023 12:18:33 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

This and Fb are the only places I ever see anything about Taylor Swift. And I don't get most the references anyway.

Try CNN. She's everywhere.

[giramomma]

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

[raeoflyte]

I'm going to say that it is 1) validating to see that I must be busy since it's tiring just managing other people do the sh!t that I normally do without any notice and 2) annoying af to have to do so much handholding. I'm not upset with my parents because this is so far outside of their normal at this point and theyre graciously helping us a ton, but its a lot. I feel like an extreme micro manager, but it's needed. And where I do get annoyed is dh. Because hello - this should be his normal. And he doesn't get it. Doesn't get at all that "somehow" everything is my responsibility and he is just along for the ride.

[andi9899]

Since she went to the Chiefs game last week ticket sales have tripled. Tickets were already expensive! Arrowhead stadium better send her a check.

[giramomma]

Hugs rae

[NastyWoman]

Sept 27, 2023 12:07:40 GMT -5 weltz said:

If I NEVER have to hear another word about Taylor Swift, it will be far too soon. She dominates all the headlines...who she's dating, the game she went to, the special sauce Heinz manufactured just for her, how she brought skorts back, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Frankly, at this point, I just want to smack her.

Why do you want to smack her? I am bothered by all this nonsense as well but I am pissed at the so-called news sources who all seem to think the need to outdo the National Enquirer. Real news, especially news without someone's opinion attached to it, is getting hard to come by and that pisses me off. 

[giramomma]

Sept 27, 2023 12:41:52 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Sept 27, 2023 12:07:40 GMT -5 weltz said:

If I NEVER have to hear another word about Taylor Swift, it will be far too soon. She dominates all the headlines...who she's dating, the game she went to, the special sauce Heinz manufactured just for her, how she brought skorts back, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Frankly, at this point, I just want to smack her.

Why do you want to smack her? I am bothered by all this nonsense as well but I am pissed at the so-called news sources who all seem to think the need to outdo the National Enquirer. Real news, especially news without someone's opinion attached to it, is getting hard to come by and that pisses me off. 

I'm pretty surprised there's not more news of the gov't shut down. I'm finding I have to go to reuters to get any info.

[NastyWoman]

Sept 27, 2023 12:57:04 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sept 27, 2023 12:41:52 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Why do you want to smack her? I am bothered by all this nonsense as well but I am pissed at the so-called news sources who all seem to think the need to outdo the National Enquirer. Real news, especially news without someone's opinion attached to it, is getting hard to come by and that pisses me off. 

I'm pretty surprised there's not more news of the gov't shut down. I'm finding I have to go to reuters to get any info.

Reuters, AP, and at times BBC though they are no quite as good as they used to be, are my main news sources as well. It is sad that people are more interested in paparazzi "news" than actual events that impact people's lives. And the mighty $$$ follows that interest

[Peace77]

Sept 27, 2023 12:33:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

No one really knows when the last time to say things arrives.  

iI remember one of the last things that my mother said was,
“I thought I would have more time.”   
After that, she was out of it most of the time.

[raeoflyte]

Sept 27, 2023 12:33:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

I'm sorry Gira.

I don't know that theres any answers here.

But if your dad had even a little understanding of what you went through managing your mom's emotions I think not asking you to continue that is a gift.

[busymom]

Sept 27, 2023 12:33:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

    The last 3 relatives of mine who died, who I sat with, clear thinking wasn't even part of the process.  Don't let whatever was unsaid bother you.  Try & focus on the times when they were healthy, & their lives were going well.  Death, like relationships, often end with unresolved issues.  Life is messy.  

[giramomma]

Sept 27, 2023 13:14:58 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Sept 27, 2023 12:33:46 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I just kind of had a weird reflection I don't know what to do with.

When my dad and I said good-bye without saying goodbye, he didn't even tell me to take care of mom.

What is that the thing that I find really upsetting?

Like, I am on the verge of tears.

I can't imagine being on my death bed and never saying "Be good to your dad. Support your dad. Don't be an asshole to your dad."

No one really knows when the last time to say things arrives.  

iI remember one of the last things that my mother said was,
“I thought I would have more time.”   
After that, she was out of it most of the time.

Yeah. I know that. And by that point it was also 2+weeks of my dad's body actively shutting down. He died about 60 hours later.

Most of my dad's journey wasn't an unexpected surprise. The fact that he lived  3X as long as he should have was the only unexpected thing after his diagnosis.

I don't know for certain whether or not dad knew that was it. I'm risk adverse, and I'd bet my pension that he knew that was it, in terms of the last time to say things.

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 27, 2023 12:41:52 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Sept 27, 2023 12:07:40 GMT -5 weltz said:

If I NEVER have to hear another word about Taylor Swift, it will be far too soon. She dominates all the headlines...who she's dating, the game she went to, the special sauce Heinz manufactured just for her, how she brought skorts back, yadda, yadda, yadda.
Frankly, at this point, I just want to smack her.

Why do you want to smack her? I am bothered by all this nonsense as well but I am pissed at the so-called news sources who all seem to think the need to outdo the National Enquirer. Real news, especially news without someone's opinion attached to it, is getting hard to come by and that pisses me off. 

Seriously. There is no need to be so dramatic. Is there much more important news out there? Obviously. Is she hurting anyone? Absolutely not. Like TS or not, she is a billion dollar enterprise and has had a substantial economic impact across the country this year. It's very easy to just change the channel or ignore a news article about her.
I find it more disgusting how other women try to make issue over her "revolving door" of men when she has dated a perfectly reasonable amount when she was in her 20s (and is now in her early 30s and just got out of a six-year relationship) and nevermind that MEN WRITE SONGS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, TOO!!!! Fucking internalized misogyny, I swear.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 27, 2023 12:06:51 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Sept 27, 2023 11:02:37 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Well refusing to accept the money is out.  DHS will not allow me to turn down an inheritance which I kinda figured.  They aren't going to allow money to escape.

But it will probably take a year or longer for probate to settle the Medicaid lady said we can worry about that then.

The fastest route would be get GU to sign a will giving it to dad and/or myself.   If he can verbally consent and scribble on a page that is good enough.  I can be a witness and so can my dad.  That would solve the entire problem.  GU can name whoever he wants the state cannot force him to give it to grandma.

But if there is no will that lives her as his direct living descendant.  Unless GU has a love child we don't know about but that tends to only happen in soap operas. 

Doesn’t GU’s house need to go towards 
covering his own nursing home bill?    

If there’s nothing to inherit, you have nothing to worry about.

As of today he would owe Nebraska $3k according to the nursing home and the lawyer.  Let's say he lives till December that is about $15k-$20.   At the moment I am hard pressed to believe he will live past the end of the year but you never know.

Then there are $10k of liens on the house.

The house is poised to sell for $150k.  So even accounting for $30k that must go to other debts that leaves $120k floating around in probate.

If he hangs on as long as my grandmother has then you are correct there is nothing to worry about.   I'm actually somewhat worried she's going to outlive ME and become Gwen's problem.

He, unfortunately, is going the way a lot of elderly people do after being put into a home and is declining rapidly.

We need to do whatever we can to protect my grandmother's Medicaid process and that means preparing to get bent over a barrel.   

The Medicaid lady told me we're going to operate as planned since it could take a year or more to get the funds if they were to go to grandma and we'll deal with the legal ramifications then.

As it stands grandma's costs vs her income match perfectly so no need to deal with Miller Trusts or any of that shit.  I'd prefer to keep it that way.

Plus I am not going to lie at this point dad and I are freaking owed something.  If posters want to call me out on that they can be my guest but I am no longer going to hide how I feel about all this bullshit.  "The Satisfaction of doing the right thing" can kiss my butt.

[chiver78]

well, it doesn't matter what the weather is in OCMD this weekend, or what I pack to wear in it. I woke up this am with a 101deg fever and vomiting. nothing would stay down, even water.

went out (masked up) and curbside picked up a 2pk of covid tests. well, while I was waiting for it to cure some positive result, I checked my temp again. 102.8 around noon I've basically been sleeping all day and have listed my 3-day festival ticket for resale. 😔