what are you doing right now?

[lurkyloo]

Sept 21, 2023 14:55:32 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Infectious disease doctor just prescribed a new antifungal for Jerseyguy. He has fungus lung infection. Pharmacist called, insurance doesn’t cover and it’s $6000/month . He’ll probably need to take for 2 months.
Called ID doc and left message is there another med possible?

Any coupons or manufacturers discounts available?

[jerseygirl]

GoodRx brings it down to $5450
Company has a program I called but rep said if we’re covered by Medicare no help. But our drug insurance isn’t through Medicare (?) so will try tomorrow
Drug insurance is Medicare part D

[countrygirl2]

That is sad. I worry about such as that too.

I hope you find a way to get help, those prices are insane.

[TheOtherMe]

My friend whose father had the stroke has had more problems.  She went to see him yesterday and he had woken up from a nap and could not use his right side.  The radiologist said the MRI was misread and he actually had two strokes and each one affected one side of his body so he is paralyzed on both sides.  

She tried to get him moved to a different hospital but none would take him.  

Tomorrow he will be moving to a rehab center to see how much they can help him before he goes to a nursing home.

His major goal is to be able to feed himself.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 21, 2023 17:02:45 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My friend whose father had the stroke has had more problems.  She went to see him yesterday and he had woken up from a nap and could not use his right side.  The radiologist said the MRI was misread and he actually had two strokes and each one affected one side of his body so he is paralyzed on both sides.  

She tried to get him moved to a different hospital but none would take him.  

Tomorrow he will be moving to a rehab center to see how much they can help him before he goes to a nursing home.

His major goal is to be able to feed himself.

I am sorry to read that. That kind of shit sucks ass, for the person it is happening too, and for the people that love them.

[TheOtherMe]

You all know that Colorado is my team, except for the football team.

This team is undefeated and some totally crazy fans think they will win the national championship this year.  Unlikely, but whatever.  Then there is a group on the Colorado sports forum who think the defensive coordinator should be fired immediately.  After 3 games, all of which they have won.  I've only seen scores and they are giving up a lot of points.

Fans are never happy.  We go from the worst team in the country last year to the success of this year and it's time to fire a coach.  smh

[jerseygirl]

ID doc called back. She was also surprised at cost of $6000/ month
She told him to continue with previous antifungal ($900) but different dose
If we had to, would have paid the $6000 for first month. He would have then probably qualified for catastrophic coverage for next month - insurance pays entire amount?? But pharmacist said his drug insurance doesn’t cover that drug at all

So relieved that he can use drug he already has

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 21, 2023 17:08:21 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 21, 2023 17:02:45 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My friend whose father had the stroke has had more problems.  She went to see him yesterday and he had woken up from a nap and could not use his right side.  The radiologist said the MRI was misread and he actually had two strokes and each one affected one side of his body so he is paralyzed on both sides.  

She tried to get him moved to a different hospital but none would take him.  

Tomorrow he will be moving to a rehab center to see how much they can help him before he goes to a nursing home.

His major goal is to be able to feed himself.

I am sorry to read that. That kind of shit sucks ass, for the person it is happening too, and for the people that love them.

She is a great advocate for her dad.  She took it all the way to the head of the hospital system and asked how did this happen.  Nobody on the floor would talk to her because they screwed up.  Some of the damage may have been lessened if the right side had started being treated when he first went to the ER.  

They have promised her some financial compensation to make her go away.  She is still negotiating and wants to see how her dad does in rehab.  He would need rehab for his left side, but it will probably be a longer stay.  

He can't call her without the help of someone because he can't hold the phone.

[jerseygirl]

Sept 21, 2023 17:02:45 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

My friend whose father had the stroke has had more problems.  She went to see him yesterday and he had woken up from a nap and could not use his right side.  The radiologist said the MRI was misread and he actually had two strokes and each one affected one side of his body so he is paralyzed on both sides.  

She tried to get him moved to a different hospital but none would take him.  

Tomorrow he will be moving to a rehab center to see how much they can help him before he goes to a nursing home.

His major goal is to be able to feed himself.

Very sad condition , hoping he improves

[Pink Cashmere]

I am not doing too well, physically or mentally. 

I was really doing a lot better overall, then Mr. Messy died, and it was downhill for me again. 

Even though I know now that stress triggers a lot of my issues, I still don’t know how to get my self out of it quickly. I was working with my therapist on managing the stress that Mr. Messy caused when he would be here, once I realized that avoiding him didn’t keep me from being stressed. But the few tools I got between then and when he died, aren’t helping much now. I haven’t been able to sleep for a couple of weeks now. Like clockwork, I start waking up around 2am, and by 3am, I am pretty much wide awake, but tired and sleepy at the same time. I’ve tried getting out of bed for a little while, but that doesn’t help, I’ve tried writing down my thoughts, hoping that would make my brain STFU, that doesn’t work either.

I’m exhausted. My sinuses are acting up and my stomach is still acting a fool. I have been mindful of what I eat and the potential triggers on the FODMAP diet, and I am getting back to the point that I’d just rather not eat anything at all if that’s what it takes for my stomach to calm down.. My hands and wrists have also been bothering me, so Monday night I took one of the meds that’s supposed to help with nerve pain, and I really don’t want to take it anymore, because even though I was off work Tuesday, I still lost that whole day because I was sleepy and tired all day from the med. It does help with my hands and wrists, but the side effects are a steep price to pay, especially when I’m already having issues. So I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

I don’t mean to be all “woe is me”, but I am just discouraged right now. Just a few weeks ago, I was feeling like I was on my way back to my “normal” me and now I’m feeling crazy again. 

I really, really need a break from people doing crazy shit, getting or being sick, and fucking dying, so I can have time to really put myself back together again, before the next fucked up thing happens. 

[andi9899]

Sept 21, 2023 17:30:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am not doing too well, physically or mentally. 

I was really doing a lot better overall, then Mr. Messy died, and it was downhill for me again. 

Even though I know now that stress triggers a lot of my issues, I still don’t know how to get my self out of it quickly. I was working with my therapist on managing the stress that Mr. Messy caused when he would be here, once I realized that avoiding him didn’t keep me from being stressed. But the few tools I got between then and when he died, aren’t helping much now. I haven’t been able to sleep for a couple of weeks now. Like clockwork, I start waking up around 2am, and by 3am, I am pretty much wide awake, but tired and sleepy at the same time. I’ve tried getting out of bed for a little while, but that doesn’t help, I’ve tried writing down my thoughts, hoping that would make my brain STFU, that doesn’t work either.

I’m exhausted. My sinuses are acting up and my stomach is still acting a fool. I have been mindful of what I eat and the potential triggers on the FODMAP diet, and I am getting back to the point that I’d just rather not eat anything at all if that’s what it takes for my stomach to calm down.. My hands and wrists have also been bothering me, so Monday night I took one of the meds that’s supposed to help with nerve pain, and I really don’t want to take it anymore, because even though I was off work Tuesday, I still lost that whole day because I was sleepy and tired all day from the med. It does help with my hands and wrists, but the side effects are a steep price to pay, especially when I’m already having issues. So I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

I don’t mean to be all “woe is me”, but I am just discouraged right now. Just a few weeks ago, I was feeling like I was on my way back to my “normal” me and now I’m feeling crazy again. 

I really, really need a break from people doing crazy shit, getting or being sick, and fucking dying, so I can have time to really put myself back together again, before the next fucked up thing happens. 

My sister swears by tart cherry juice for inflammation. It's just juice so there aren't any side effects unless you're allergic to cherries. Maybe try it and see if it helps.

[andi9899]

Y'all if I fall out during boxing, someone pick me up. I'm sore from Tuesday still. I might not make it.

[CCL]

Sept 21, 2023 17:52:01 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 21, 2023 17:30:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am not doing too well, physically or mentally. 

I was really doing a lot better overall, then Mr. Messy died, and it was downhill for me again. 

Even though I know now that stress triggers a lot of my issues, I still don’t know how to get my self out of it quickly. I was working with my therapist on managing the stress that Mr. Messy caused when he would be here, once I realized that avoiding him didn’t keep me from being stressed. But the few tools I got between then and when he died, aren’t helping much now. I haven’t been able to sleep for a couple of weeks now. Like clockwork, I start waking up around 2am, and by 3am, I am pretty much wide awake, but tired and sleepy at the same time. I’ve tried getting out of bed for a little while, but that doesn’t help, I’ve tried writing down my thoughts, hoping that would make my brain STFU, that doesn’t work either.

I’m exhausted. My sinuses are acting up and my stomach is still acting a fool. I have been mindful of what I eat and the potential triggers on the FODMAP diet, and I am getting back to the point that I’d just rather not eat anything at all if that’s what it takes for my stomach to calm down.. My hands and wrists have also been bothering me, so Monday night I took one of the meds that’s supposed to help with nerve pain, and I really don’t want to take it anymore, because even though I was off work Tuesday, I still lost that whole day because I was sleepy and tired all day from the med. It does help with my hands and wrists, but the side effects are a steep price to pay, especially when I’m already having issues. So I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

I don’t mean to be all “woe is me”, but I am just discouraged right now. Just a few weeks ago, I was feeling like I was on my way back to my “normal” me and now I’m feeling crazy again. 

I really, really need a break from people doing crazy shit, getting or being sick, and fucking dying, so I can have time to really put myself back together again, before the next fucked up thing happens. 

My sister swears by tart cherry juice for inflammation. It's just juice so there aren't any side effects unless you're allergic to cherries. Maybe try it and see if it helps.

They also make tart cherry gummies. That juice is sour!

Pink, could your doc lower the dose on that med? Maybe enough to help, but not cause so much drowsiness?

[jerseygirl]

Sept 21, 2023 17:13:50 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sept 21, 2023 17:08:21 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am sorry to read that. That kind of shit sucks ass, for the person it is happening too, and for the people that love them.

She is a great advocate for her dad.  She took it all the way to the head of the hospital system and asked how did this happen.  Nobody on the floor would talk to her because they screwed up.  Some of the damage may have been lessened if the right side had started being treated when he first went to the ER.  

They have promised her some financial compensation to make her go away.  She is still negotiating and wants to see how her dad does in rehab.  He would need rehab for his left side, but it will probably be a longer stay.  

He can't call her without the help of someone because he can't hold the phone.

That’s why our ODS (Dr) and DD (nurse) tell us to go to large teaching hospitals as they feel there’s more oversight and most recent procedures

Just so very sad that her dad had this happen to him

[finnime]

From the outside looking in, it seems that your stress was never completely alleviated, Pink, and then it ballooned with the death. Of course it did. And of course you're reacting to that.

You had mentioned doing yoga some time ago. Do you still do that? Or any other meditational practice? Prayer is always good if you're bent in that direction. Something to give you a release, and to lessen the awful stress in your life.

Maybe think of things that you enjoy doing when you don't have to do anything, and make time to do them.

Spend time with your grands.

Play with your dogs.

Take up online gambling, or pole dancing?

I wish I could help.

[finnime]

The fair that was planned for this weekend has been postponed to next weekend in light of the 100% probability of rain. I'm glad. Now, for next weekend to be good weather.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 21, 2023 18:08:32 GMT -5 CCL said:

Sept 21, 2023 17:52:01 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

My sister swears by tart cherry juice for inflammation. It's just juice so there aren't any side effects unless you're allergic to cherries. Maybe try it and see if it helps.

They also make tart cherry gummies. That juice is sour!

Pink, could your doc lower the dose on that med? Maybe enough to help, but not cause so much drowsiness?

Probably, I can ask. I actually Googled the med today, after a conversation with Mister when I was talking about how lethargic I was Tuesday.

It was first prescribed to me when he made me go to the ER in when I woke up in the middle of the night with my arm hurting so bad I was boo hoo crying, and couldn’t unfold my fingers to even get dressed to go to the ER, he had to put my clothes on me. So I took it every night for a long time, trying to avoid having that kind of pain, EVER again.

And some of you might remember me talking about how I started being late for work all the time, when that had never been an issue for me, for over 20 years. It never occurred to me that it might be that med, because I am the odd person that meds don’t even work for me most of the time, or cause the side effects that other people experience. But in hindsight, I think that med was probably what was causing me so many issues with getting up for work when I needed to. And I was beating myself up, wondering wtf was wrong with me all of a sudden, that I was being so trifling that I couldn’t get out of bed to get to work on time.

I finally stopped taking it every night, just because I finally realized that “fun time” with Mister wasn’t so fun, because of the med. Because I finally thought “duh”, if it dulls the pain signals from my nerves, it was probably dulling the feedback from ALL my nerves, even the good stuff. It still took even longer for me to realize once I wasn’t taking it all the time, that it was probably the reason I felt so sluggish and sleepy during the day when I took it. 

Now, I take it so rarely, that I know for sure that it causes problems for me, the day after I take it. 

When I Googled it today, I learned that the dose I have is higher than what is usually prescribed for nerve pain. I understand that, because even the big boy muscle relaxants and opiods don’t work for me like they do for other people, meaning I might as well just eat a piece of candy, so that’s probably why I was prescribed a higher dose. 

The med is Amitriptyline, which is actually an antidepressant, but more commonly prescribed these days for off label use. 

I will talk to my Doctor about it, because while the current dosage does help with the pain in my hands, wrists and arms, and my hands going numb at night and waking me up, the side effects are too much.

[swamp]

Sept 21, 2023 8:33:42 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 21, 2023 8:19:31 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

We do have the dual credit options where the classes are taught in the HS.  It used to be the only option was to be dual enrolled in the private college in town and you received credit there at $100/credit if you got a C or more in the class, so we passed on it, but in the past couple years they started where they are also working with the community college and if you take any of the AP courses you get credit at the community college.  Of course, they're AP classes so you could get credit anyhow, but this way you don't need to worry about getting a particular score on the test to get credit.  Get a C or above in the class and get college credit...at least at the CC.  Whether or not they transfer after that point is a different story.

 

Wish that option was available when I had my "gets A's without cracking a book" kid.  It wouldn't have saved us any money because he still would have had to attend for 4 years to get his degree, but it would have lightened his load a few semesters.

Right?  We could take dual classes in HS like Spanish for college credit but you were really limited in what you could take because the program had just launched.  Only a handful of courses counted and it was really scattered/random.

Then only so many schools took credits from IWCC at the time.  A friend of mine was looking at UNO and found out only three of all the classes she took would transfer.   It wasn't even worth the effort she'd put in.

Now two years at IWCC are equivalent to the first two years at any Iowa college/university and the University of Nebraska.  You are ensured to come in as a junior.

Would have made my life SO MUCH EASIER.

I told Gwen she's doing it no exceptions.  It's an absolute no brainer she can get almost her first two years done free through TJ.  That allows the money that has been set aside by my FIL to go further.   I am also strongly pushing for her to go to either UNO/L or to a state institution.   I am not AS opposed to her going out of state if she agrees to complete the first two years here.  Her money won't go as far but it's still not nearly as expensive as if she went all four years out of state.  She'd have to figure out how to make up the difference with loans/scholarships though.

I put my foot down with DH that we will help if/where we can but I am not taking out any loans.  He'll be 55 when she graduates HS.  We need to focus on our own retirement at that point and I am not going into it with student loan debt.  I said I'd rather she have a few student loans than face having to pay for our nursing home care.   We put on our own oxygen masks first.

I went to an expensive private school for next to nothing.  No loans.  

expensive schools have more money to give away. 

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 21, 2023 18:30:35 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Sept 21, 2023 17:13:50 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

She is a great advocate for her dad.  She took it all the way to the head of the hospital system and asked how did this happen.  Nobody on the floor would talk to her because they screwed up.  Some of the damage may have been lessened if the right side had started being treated when he first went to the ER.  

They have promised her some financial compensation to make her go away.  She is still negotiating and wants to see how her dad does in rehab.  He would need rehab for his left side, but it will probably be a longer stay.  

He can't call her without the help of someone because he can't hold the phone.

That’s why our ODS (Dr) and DD (nurse) tell us to go to large teaching hospitals as they feel there’s more oversight and most recent procedures

Just so very sad that her dad had this happen to him

When 911 is called, there are not a lot of choices for where he was taken.  She said she would not have taken him to this particular hospital but she could not give him the care he needed that the EMTs could.

She did visit the rehab center and will be visiting nursing homes.

[TheOtherMe]

Pink   

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 21, 2023 18:35:55 GMT -5 finnime said:

From the outside looking in, it seems that your stress was never completely alleviated, Pink, and then it ballooned with the death. Of course it did. And of course you're reacting to that.

You had mentioned doing yoga some time ago. Do you still do that? Or any other meditational practice? Prayer is always good if you're bent in that direction. Something to give you a release, and to lessen the awful stress in your life.

Maybe think of things that you enjoy doing when you don't have to do anything, and make time to do them.

Spend time with your grands.

Play with your dogs.

Take up online gambling, or pole dancing?

I wish I could help.

It’s true that my stress was never completely alleviated. I have accepted that stressful stuff is just a part of life, even more so with some of the things/people in my life. My goal with my “new” therapist, was/is to learn how to not let all of that stress me out so much that my body rebels and I can’t function like a normal adult. 

I feel like I had gotten on a better path with trying to take care of me, but then the bottom fell out when Mr. Messy died. 

I do enjoy yoga, even though I’ve not practiced it regularly in years. I have even claimed the dining room in our house, as my “yoga room”, but it has not worked out as I intended, as far as being my “sanctuary” or whatever, so I have never used the room like I thought I would.

I do pray. All the time. I feel like God made me, so it shouldn’t upset His nerves when I am pleading with Him to please handle things I can’t control, and He can’t get mad when I talk to Him when I am angry….. sometimes, even with Him.

I do need an outlet. The only thing I have learned that really gave me peace and made me tired enough to rest well, was when I was riding my bicycle regularly. DS constantly asks me to go ride bikes with him. The weather is cooling off now, so I should probably start doing that again. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Pink ask your doctor about peripheral neuropathy.

I had to look up the term again buy what you describe sounds an awful lot like what I went through on mirtazipine.

That particular drug up regulates norepinephrine which is supposed to make you less stressed.

My body couldn't metabolize it properly so I had TOO MUCH norepinephrine in my system.

It numbs the nerves because it's trying to keep you calm. That resulted in severe numbness and tingling in my extremities.

You've been in a constant state of stress lately even if it was under the surface. Your body is trying to work triple time to counter it because thats what it is designed to do.

I told the shrink to go fuck.a duck when.I could no longer feel my legs and he dismissed me. I weaned myself off it.

To this day and it's been four years if I get stressed enough half my face goes numb.

I don't know what to do to help but I hope if I've given you the right name it can move you forward. Sometimes just knowing it isn't in our heads brings some relief.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I went to the library, got to pet dogs, walked the farmer's market, got a free hot dog, bought donuts from my favorite bakery and got a delicious flavored lemonade.

The cup has a cute cow sticker.

Pretty awesome for a Thursday evening.

[countrygirl2]

I wonder sometimes how I have survived all the stress in my life. I really think I have had a few breakdowns, sure seems like it. But somehow I recovered, don't know how, so can't help others.

DD keeps me in a constant, low level state of stress anymore, yet I cope with it better than I used to.  But now I think its the duloxetine, (Cymbalta). My neuropathy is better and I think it also helps my anxiety.

And sad but true, with the demise of MIL, that relieved a lot of it too. I have been through deaths in our families but the only ones that really affected me was my dad and mom. However his moms situation altered our life for over 10 years. Before we got her somewhere I almost lost my mind and it just went on and on. We prior to that had to leave our home and come back here. That was not exactly the plan believe me, maybe later but not at that time..

I really think that you will get some relief over time. It will take Mister a lot longer.  I would give him emotional support if you can but remove myself from any of the stuff he has to take care of. He has a brother and sister, he can coordinate with them. There is nothing legally you can do anyway. I would just give love and encouragement.

Of course, now I may need to help hubs, possibly physically later on. As long as I can retain my mental faculties, I can also do all the paperwork and manage all we need to do to move. Initially for a few days I about fell apart. But somehow that inner toughness has kicked in again and I know I can do what I need to do.

He and I are on the same page, we are going to work together to divest ourselves of property and "things" and move forward with what we need. And I know if I need help our son will do what he can and our DIL will do what she can. I won't ask a lot of her as she is a very emotional person and also lets everything get to her. If fact when I get up there, I'm going to have to help her with doctors and things she needs to do for herself.

Is the situation ideal? of course not, but I really have no alternative. If I cave too our family will be chaos and I can't let that happen.

I have no answers for anyone, wish I did. Somehow you have to reach down and find that inner strength to move forward. Maybe through helpful drugs, or therapy, or time away, or relaxation therapy.

Pink, have you tried massages? They are extremely soothing and sometimes I go twice a week. It helps release tight muscles. Also gives you time away. Or maybe a mini vacation by yourself. Just go to a hotel for a few days and swim and indulge yourself, relax.  Maybe something like that would help.

Whatever it takes I wish you well and hope you can find the release and inner peace you need. Life is too short to suffer like you are. My best to you in finding a solution.

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 21, 2023 17:52:01 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 21, 2023 17:30:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am not doing too well, physically or mentally. 

I was really doing a lot better overall, then Mr. Messy died, and it was downhill for me again. 

Even though I know now that stress triggers a lot of my issues, I still don’t know how to get my self out of it quickly. I was working with my therapist on managing the stress that Mr. Messy caused when he would be here, once I realized that avoiding him didn’t keep me from being stressed. But the few tools I got between then and when he died, aren’t helping much now. I haven’t been able to sleep for a couple of weeks now. Like clockwork, I start waking up around 2am, and by 3am, I am pretty much wide awake, but tired and sleepy at the same time. I’ve tried getting out of bed for a little while, but that doesn’t help, I’ve tried writing down my thoughts, hoping that would make my brain STFU, that doesn’t work either.

I’m exhausted. My sinuses are acting up and my stomach is still acting a fool. I have been mindful of what I eat and the potential triggers on the FODMAP diet, and I am getting back to the point that I’d just rather not eat anything at all if that’s what it takes for my stomach to calm down.. My hands and wrists have also been bothering me, so Monday night I took one of the meds that’s supposed to help with nerve pain, and I really don’t want to take it anymore, because even though I was off work Tuesday, I still lost that whole day because I was sleepy and tired all day from the med. It does help with my hands and wrists, but the side effects are a steep price to pay, especially when I’m already having issues. So I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.

I don’t mean to be all “woe is me”, but I am just discouraged right now. Just a few weeks ago, I was feeling like I was on my way back to my “normal” me and now I’m feeling crazy again. 

I really, really need a break from people doing crazy shit, getting or being sick, and fucking dying, so I can have time to really put myself back together again, before the next fucked up thing happens. 

My sister swears by tart cherry juice for inflammation. It's just juice so there aren't any side effects unless you're allergic to cherries. Maybe try it and see if it helps.

Tart cherry juice concentrate is great. Two tablespoons at night before bed, maybe a little drizzles on ice cream if I'm feeling saucy.

[countrygirl2]

I forgot they were having David Lee Murphy tonight as their country music singer at the corn festival. I thought it was Saturday night so I missed it. Darn

[toomuchreality]

Sept 21, 2023 14:55:32 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

Infectious disease doctor just prescribed a new antifungal for Jerseyguy. He has fungus lung infection. Pharmacist called, insurance doesn’t cover and it’s $6000/month . He’ll probably need to take for 2 months.
Called ID doc and left message is there another med possible?

Holy crap!

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 21, 2023 19:46:55 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I wonder sometimes how I have survived all the stress in my life. I really think I have had a few breakdowns, sure seems like it. But somehow I recovered, don't know how, so can't help others.

DD keeps me in a constant, low level state of stress anymore, yet I cope with it better than I used to.  But now I think its the duloxetine, (Cymbalta). My neuropathy is better and I think it also helps my anxiety.

And sad but true, with the demise of MIL, that relieved a lot of it too. I have been through deaths in our families but the only ones that really affected me was my dad and mom. However his moms situation altered our life for over 10 years. Before we got her somewhere I almost lost my mind and it just went on and on. We prior to that had to leave our home and come back here. That was not exactly the plan believe me, maybe later but not at that time..

I really think that you will get some relief over time. It will take Mister a lot longer.  I would give him emotional support if you can but remove myself from any of the stuff he has to take care of. He has a brother and sister, he can coordinate with them. There is nothing legally you can do anyway. I would just give love and encouragement.

Of course, now I may need to help hubs, possibly physically later on. As long as I can retain my mental faculties, I can also do all the paperwork and manage all we need to do to move. Initially for a few days I about fell apart. But somehow that inner toughness has kicked in again and I know I can do what I need to do.

He and I are on the same page, we are going to work together to divest ourselves of property and "things" and move forward with what we need. And I know if I need help our son will do what he can and our DIL will do what she can. I won't ask a lot of her as she is a very emotional person and also lets everything get to her. If fact when I get up there, I'm going to have to help her with doctors and things she needs to do for herself.

Is the situation ideal? of course not, but I really have no alternative. If I cave too our family will be chaos and I can't let that happen.

I have no answers for anyone, wish I did. Somehow you have to reach down and find that inner strength to move forward. Maybe through helpful drugs, or therapy, or time away, or relaxation therapy.

Pink, have you tried massages? They are extremely soothing and sometimes I go twice a week. It helps release tight muscles. Also gives you time away. Or maybe a mini vacation by yourself. Just go to a hotel for a few days and swim and indulge yourself, relax.  Maybe something like that would help.

Whatever it takes I wish you well and hope you can find the release and inner peace you need. Life is too short to suffer like you are. My best to you in finding a solution.

It sounds horrible, but I do think that Mr. Messy’s death will eventually help with a lot of the stress that was due to trying to see about him. Lord forgive me, because it feels horrible to have actually typed that. My brain says maybe I shouldn’t feel so bad for thinking that, since he made it clear to anybody that would listen, that he wanted to die, but still.

Thank you for the advice to tend to me. In addition to my own grief about Mr. Messy dying, my priority has been trying to tend to Mister, even though he won’t let me. So, I do need to tend to me, and the need would be the same even if he did let me tend to him. So thank you for reminding me of that.

I know that I will be okay eventually, I might get overwhelmed and give up temporarily, but in my heart, I am a soldier, and I will find my way once again, like I always have. 

We are at odds now, because of dinner. I give up because I refuse to fight with him, so Imma just go to bed. 

[toomuchreality]

Sept 21, 2023 17:13:50 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sept 21, 2023 17:08:21 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am sorry to read that. That kind of shit sucks ass, for the person it is happening too, and for the people that love them.

She is a great advocate for her dad.  She took it all the way to the head of the hospital system and asked how did this happen.  Nobody on the floor would talk to her because they screwed up.  Some of the damage may have been lessened if the right side had started being treated when he first went to the ER.  

They have promised her some financial compensation to make her go away.  She is still negotiating and wants to see how her dad does in rehab.  He would need rehab for his left side, but it will probably be a longer stay.  

He can't call her without the help of someone because he can't hold the phone.

Damn. That sucks! I'm sorry.

[giramomma]

DS just told me I talk like his friends.

I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.  I'll go with proud for now.