what are you doing right now?

[weltz]

Sept 20, 2023 15:30:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 20, 2023 14:25:42 GMT -5 weltz said:

I think the house is a sticking point for him. He seems to want to keep it. I foresee many problems with that, because even if brother was willing to move, he’s NOT going to want to give up access to his business space in the back yard.

I thought his business flopped and that's why he's broke.  What kind of business is it?  Can he set up his business space in an apartment?

I don’t want to get into what kind of business it is, because he is well known in a certain industry. 

The size of the building he built in his parents’ backyard, is about the same size as a small apartment. It’s not really just about the building itself, even though it was built to have certain specifications that he needed, it’s also about the equipment in it, that he uses for his business, and he can’t set it all up to work effectively in just any random place. He really needs a dedicated space, that has certain things.

I know that might be as clear as mud, but that’s about all I’m willing to say.

He still has some clients, I ASSume, and I believe that if he got his shit together for real, he could make a comeback, based on the reputation he built before his life went sideways.

It is as clear as mud. He's been broke for as long as I can remember, so I'm struggling to understand what he needs the business space for.

[NastyWoman]

I am probably running behind as always but just in case there are other stragglers like me. I just read that, starting 9/25 we can again get free Covid test by ordering from COVIDTests.gov (source: ABC news). 

[finnime]

This is a good solid plan for you, giramomma. I have no doubt you'd be an outstanding reading specialist.

[finnime]

Pink Cashmere, have you ever read Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking? It's autobiographical about her first year after her husband suddenly died, and how she reacted. I'm thinking it might be useful for you to read to understand Mister a bit, and maybe for him to read--don't know if he's a reader.

The first year is so chaotic and unmanageably demanding. No wonder people just want the world to stop.

[finnime]

lurkyloo, I'm so sorry your son endured the break and the neglect by the school. I'm angry, too, at them.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 20, 2023 16:36:59 GMT -5 weltz said:

Sept 20, 2023 15:30:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I don’t want to get into what kind of business it is, because he is well known in a certain industry. 

The size of the building he built in his parents’ backyard, is about the same size as a small apartment. It’s not really just about the building itself, even though it was built to have certain specifications that he needed, it’s also about the equipment in it, that he uses for his business, and he can’t set it all up to work effectively in just any random place. He really needs a dedicated space, that has certain things.

I know that might be as clear as mud, but that’s about all I’m willing to say.

He still has some clients, I ASSume, and I believe that if he got his shit together for real, he could make a comeback, based on the reputation he built before his life went sideways.

It is as clear as mud. He's been broke for as long as I can remember, so I'm struggling to understand what he needs the business space for.

Well, for some years after I met Mister, his brother was the “golden” child, the one that was very successful and had plenty of money. When his divorce was granted, he was ordered to pay 5 figures/month in child support for his only child, so yeah, that kind of money. And that’s not a typo. We’ve all heard or read about people that had a lot of money and lost everything for some reason or another. He is one of those people.

I don’t think I started talking about him here until things went sideways with their parents, but maybe I did mention him before that. But he most definitely has not been broke the whole time I have known him. 

He needs the business space because he does still have clients here and there. And like I said before, if he ever gets his shit together, I think he can make a comeback based on his reputation before his personal life went sideways. He is very good at what he does, he just lost focus and got lost, period, after his divorce. But he still has inside of him, what made him so successful in the first place. 

I’m not willing to “out” him here, so I don’t know what else to say about why I’m not sharing more details about him,

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 20, 2023 16:51:33 GMT -5 finnime said:

Pink Cashmere , have you ever read Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking? It's autobiographical about her first year after her husband suddenly died, and how she reacted. I'm thinking it might be useful for you to read to understand Mister a bit, and maybe for him to read--don't know if he's a reader.

The first year is so chaotic and unmanageably demanding. No wonder people just want the world to stop.

No I’ve never heard of her or the book, but I am most certainly willing to find it and read it. Thank you for the recommendation. Mister is not a reader. He has been reading the books his therapist has recommended to him though, and I am just glad about him at least doing that lol.

It would be nice if we could just press pause when we are trying to wrap our minds around our whole world changing in some way as an individual, but unfortunately, that’s not how things work.

[MarionTh230]

Expecting to get a thanks, but no thanks from the private school by Friday.  Kiddo did fine on the entrance exam.  Pretty sure she bombed the interview though.  In her defense, she is honest almost to a fault.  It doesn't sound like she said anything inappropriate by any means, but it was obvious to the principal she didn't want to be there.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Our dryer vent is clogged too but that's easy to take care of. I just need to borrow dad's shop vac.

I really need to sit down with him and make a list of everything for houses.

DH knows jack squat about any kind of home maintenance or repairs. In an apocalypse we need to make sure my dad makes it if I have to depend on DH to maintain our shelter we're doomed.

I know some things but didn't think about the dryer vent. Which I feel a little guilty about but then again I am responsible for remembering and handling so much else concerning our lives. The stupid vent and furnace filters sometimes don't enter the conversation.

[steph08]

Sept 20, 2023 11:05:45 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Sept 19, 2023 17:22:21 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I would take him in. But I take mine in for everything. And usually regret it.

Hope he feels better.

Still swollen and sore this morning…there is a broken bone in there as per urgent care. Boot for now, appt with orthopedist tomorrow.

I am absolutely furious with the school that didn’t offer to send him to the nurse but sent him home crying and limping.

I can sympathize with the broken bone as someone whose 9yo got an open compound fracture of her left arm on the playground on the first day this year! I can't believe they didn't send him to the nurse!

Of course, my mom and DH wondered why they didn't call an ambulance for my DD, but I said I'd be there in five minutes, faster than the ambulance would have!

[weltz]

Sept 20, 2023 17:05:46 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 20, 2023 16:36:59 GMT -5 weltz said:

It is as clear as mud. He's been broke for as long as I can remember, so I'm struggling to understand what he needs the business space for.

Well, for some years after I met Mister, his brother was the “golden” child, the one that was very successful and had plenty of money. When his divorce was granted, he was ordered to pay 5 figures/month in child support for his only child, so yeah, that kind of money. And that’s not a typo. We’ve all heard or read about people that had a lot of money and lost everything for some reason or another. He is one of those people.

I don’t think I started talking about him here until things went sideways with their parents, but maybe I did mention him before that. But he most definitely has not been broke the whole time I have known him. 

He needs the business space because he does still have clients here and there. And like I said before, if he ever gets his shit together, I think he can make a comeback based on his reputation before his personal life went sideways. He is very good at what he does, he just lost focus and got lost, period, after his divorce. But he still has inside of him, what made him so successful in the first place. 

I’m not willing to “out” him here, so I don’t know what else to say about why I’m not sharing more details about him,

Does he still have to pay the 5 figure child support?

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 20, 2023 15:38:57 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 20, 2023 14:55:49 GMT -5 swamp said:

They didn’t even grow up in that house their whole lives. I think their parents bought it when Mister was either a teenager or young adult.

This is why I don't understand the attachment to the house.  

I was really sad when my parents sold the house I grew up in.  I know if it had been for sale when I decided to move back here, I would have bought it.  They owned 2 houses after that.  They were places I visited.  I had no attachment to them.

Mister has lost two parents in less than a year.  I went nuts for a year with each parent.  I can't imagine losing both of them in this short period of time.

Maybe the mentor can suggest the book.

[andi9899]

Sept 20, 2023 15:15:20 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

As those of us with uncooperative elderly parents have learned, if they won't cooperate, they can't be forced in to a nursing home without spending money on a guardianship.

A friend of mine has been at her wit's end with her father who has dementia.  Like my dad, he also won't wear his hearing aids.  He was calling her 40 or 50 times a day and the conversation was "I can't hear you".  I remember those calls but dad never called like that.

Last week, her dad's doctor told her and her father he needed to be in a nursing home.  Father refused.  Doctor told them it will take a crisis and you will have no choice.

Monday night, he had a stroke.  The left side of his body is paralyzed. That night, she was asked if she was willing to take her father in and she said absolutely no.  Social workers are working on nursing home arrangements.  

She said she feels like the weight of the world has been lifted from her shoulders.  She was able to sleep because he wasn't calling her all night.  Now he's mad at the medical staff and not her.  She said getting fed has helped, too.  Like my dad, he wasn't eating much.   

It's too bad that we can't all do the paperwork to get us proper care when we need it--even if we don't think we need it.

This is totally going to be me. I have been telling my parents that we need to at least get medical POA in place, just in case. They refuse to talk about it. My dad says I'm worried about something that's 20 years away. Um, you're 68 and 71, you likely won't be here in 20 years. Especially my mom who refuses to take care of herself. I'm not even close to being in the worst of it. I'll likely be in a loony bin at that point.

[andi9899]

Sept 20, 2023 15:44:29 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 20, 2023 14:50:04 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I am fairly sure but not 100% sure if Mister's name is on the account it won't be frozen. My mom's wasn't frozen because my dad was on it.  My grandma's wasn't because my mom was on it.  As long as one person is living the account remains open.  They had to get death certificates to remove the deceased party though.

 If Mister was not on the account he would be in for a world of hurt. 

He should be able to if Mr. Messy has the funds in the account pay the car and house from that for October and at least kick the can down the road till the next payment.  That'd give him 30 days of breathing room.

Mister’s name is not on the account. His Dad just gave him his username and password so Mister could go online and pay Dad’s bills for him. That’s what I meant when I said he has “access” to his Dad’s accounts. It’s just online access that his Dad gave him the necessary info for, for Mister to manage the accounts for him and pay his bills.

Has anyone informed the bank of his death? If not, just don't say anything for the 30 days needed to kick the can down the road.

[andi9899]

Sept 20, 2023 17:05:46 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 20, 2023 16:36:59 GMT -5 weltz said:

It is as clear as mud. He's been broke for as long as I can remember, so I'm struggling to understand what he needs the business space for.

Well, for some years after I met Mister, his brother was the “golden” child, the one that was very successful and had plenty of money. When his divorce was granted, he was ordered to pay 5 figures/month in child support for his only child, so yeah, that kind of money. And that’s not a typo. We’ve all heard or read about people that had a lot of money and lost everything for some reason or another. He is one of those people.

I don’t think I started talking about him here until things went sideways with their parents, but maybe I did mention him before that. But he most definitely has not been broke the whole time I have known him. 

He needs the business space because he does still have clients here and there. And like I said before, if he ever gets his shit together, I think he can make a comeback based on his reputation before his personal life went sideways. He is very good at what he does, he just lost focus and got lost, period, after his divorce. But he still has inside of him, what made him so successful in the first place. 

I’m not willing to “out” him here, so I don’t know what else to say about why I’m not sharing more details about him,

You don't have to explain anything you don't want to.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I made Chrissy Tiegens coconut carrot soup.

I don't have sweet chili sauce so I used red curry paste and a dash of chili flakes.

It's pretty good wasn't sure I'd like carrots in soup form. I think I might like them better as soup.

I'm going to serve it with a scoop of rice and some roasted peanuts to garnish.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 20, 2023 17:32:03 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Sept 20, 2023 11:05:45 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Still swollen and sore this morning…there is a broken bone in there as per urgent care. Boot for now, appt with orthopedist tomorrow.

I am absolutely furious with the school that didn’t offer to send him to the nurse but sent him home crying and limping.

I can sympathize with the broken bone as someone whose 9yo got an open compound fracture of her left arm on the playground on the first day this year! I can't believe they didn't send him to the nurse!

Of course, my mom and DH wondered why they didn't call an ambulance for my DD, but I said I'd be there in five minutes, faster than the ambulance would have!

When DS was in elementary school, he got hurt somehow, in a way that involved him hitting his head on something. I don’t remember the details. But I do remember that the school called an ambulance before they called me, and I went straight to the local children’s hospital, where DS already was by the time I got there, to see what what was going on.

Thankfully, it was nothing major, and he was not admitted to the hospital. But I was and still am grateful that the administrators at his school took the stance that it was better to be safe than to be sorry.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 20, 2023 17:47:59 GMT -5 weltz said:

Sept 20, 2023 17:05:46 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Well, for some years after I met Mister, his brother was the “golden” child, the one that was very successful and had plenty of money. When his divorce was granted, he was ordered to pay 5 figures/month in child support for his only child, so yeah, that kind of money. And that’s not a typo. We’ve all heard or read about people that had a lot of money and lost everything for some reason or another. He is one of those people.

I don’t think I started talking about him here until things went sideways with their parents, but maybe I did mention him before that. But he most definitely has not been broke the whole time I have known him. 

He needs the business space because he does still have clients here and there. And like I said before, if he ever gets his shit together, I think he can make a comeback based on his reputation before his personal life went sideways. He is very good at what he does, he just lost focus and got lost, period, after his divorce. But he still has inside of him, what made him so successful in the first place. 

I’m not willing to “out” him here, so I don’t know what else to say about why I’m not sharing more details about him,

Does he still have to pay the 5 figure child support?

No, because his income has drastically reduced.

[weltz]

Sept 20, 2023 18:13:12 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 20, 2023 17:32:03 GMT -5 steph08 said:

I can sympathize with the broken bone as someone whose 9yo got an open compound fracture of her left arm on the playground on the first day this year! I can't believe they didn't send him to the nurse!

Of course, my mom and DH wondered why they didn't call an ambulance for my DD, but I said I'd be there in five minutes, faster than the ambulance would have!

When DS was in elementary school, he got hurt somehow, in a way that involved him hitting his head on something. I don’t remember the details. But I do remember that the school called an ambulance before they called me, and I went straight to the local children’s hospital, where DS already was by the time I got there, to see what what was going on.

Thankfully, it was nothing major, and he was not admitted to the hospital. But I was and still am grateful that the administrators at his school took the stance that it was better to be safe than to be sorry.

When my DS was about 7 or 8, he and his friend were bouncing on the couches at the friend's house. He flew into the glass coffee table and hit his head. There was a LOT of blood, so much that a taxi refused to take us to the childrens' hospital. A passing cop car took us.  I knew that head wounds bleed like a son of a bitch, even with a minor injury. He was also not admitted to the hospital, but I was told to look for signs of a possible concussion.
He was fine the next day.

[ners]

Happy Anniversary Cookies Galore

[chiver78]

job searching out on the deck, and Punk is pouting b/c I'm still on a screen. she's passed out at my feet. LD didn't like the reinstated restrictions and called it a night right after dinner. to add insult to injury, this week and next are supposed to be gorgeous weather..... and the weekend in between will be another monsoon. thanks, Mother Nature, you're a first class bitch. 

[finnime]

My DS broke his arm completely when he was in kindergarten, on the kindergarten special playground. He fell maybe 18". The school put him in an ambulance and tried to reach me. I was waiting for him at home; I worked from home at times. When they couldn't get me they tried the emergency contact, a friend of mine at work. She was having a root canal and sent her DH to the ER to meet DS.

DS's teacher went to the hospital, too, and waited with him until I showed up, which took a while because I didn't know why he didn't get off the bus, so drove to his after school care program, which told me about the broken arm and ambulance. I had the dog in the car and DD, too. We went right to the hospital. Later a neighbor drove to the hospital and took DD and Antigone the Dog home. I stayed with DS.

They had to put him under anesthesia to set his arm. His muscles were spasming, preventing the set. We wound up at home at around midnight.

[countrygirl2]

I took a bunch of clothes to the consignment shop when I got rid of the bigger sizes. Spent a bunch having them cleaned too. They did not want any of them. Apparently they have younger clients that want the saggy, ugly, ripped stuff. So I got tired of hauling them around and finally gave them to Goodwill. Our free shop in town got totalled by the tornado. They are just now starting to rebuild it.

It got me that people want junk clothing now I guess. Mine are casual but not trendy.

For the first time I got my kitties to eat some little pieces of ham. They must have been hungry, didn't give them much but they ate it.

I didn't make it to the house. I was so tired, I fell asleep and than it was too late. About all I will do tomorrow is mop. I forgot to buy curtain rods at Walmart so we didn't get any up. I wanted them up for pictures, just makes a house look better. Walmart didn't have any curtains that were pretty. So unless I have some downstairs, forget it. I could not get Pennys or Wayfair to work well so gave up on trying. I think they are fighting and trying to hog each others business.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 20, 2023 17:50:13 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sept 20, 2023 15:38:57 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

They didn’t even grow up in that house their whole lives. I think their parents bought it when Mister was either a teenager or young adult.

This is why I don't understand the attachment to the house.  

I was really sad when my parents sold the house I grew up in.  I know if it had been for sale when I decided to move back here, I would have bought it.  They owned 2 houses after that.  They were places I visited.  I had no attachment to them.

Mister has lost two parents in less than a year.  I went nuts for a year with each parent.  I can't imagine losing both of them in this short period of time.

Maybe the mentor can suggest the book.

I didn’t realize until after I moved, how much my house meant to my children. I think they were 7 and 9yo when I bought it. But when they started expressing how much the house meant to them after I moved, separately and in their own words, one thing they had in common was saying how they’d noticed that so many of their peers when they were growing up, moved a lot, even if it was within the same area, but once we moved into that house, they had the security of not moving anymore. 

I never realized that meant anything to them, or that it was even a thing for them, until they started telling me after I moved out of the house. The way they described things, especially when they compared it to what some of their peers went through, made me feel good about having been able to provide that stability for them and a safe place for them to grow up and just be children. I was grateful for being able to live in my Grandmother’s house when my children were younger, but I did NOT want to raise my babies in the ‘hood, so being able to buy a house where they could have their own bedrooms and go outside to play whenever they wanted, was a major accomplishment for me, and something I was very proud of. DS and I were just talking yesterday, about why I use to take them to parks all the time when we lived in the ‘hood, because I was afraid to let them go outside and play in the yards where we lived. DS remembers, maybe from me talking about it since then instead of a real memory, how it worried me that he thought gunshots were firecrackers and I use to shoo him away from the windows when we heard what he thought was fireworks.

We kept going to parks to play after I bought my house, but it was just because I liked to, and not a necessity like it was before, for my children to have somewhere safe to run around and play. 

I didn’t even have a relationship with my biological father, and got even more mad that he had the nerve to die before I was done being mad at him, so I was kind of messed up for a while when he died. Because with him being dead, where the fuck  was I going to direct a lifetime of anger, if I couldn’t even “punish” him anymore, by rejecting him like I felt like he’d rejected me as a child? As a young adult, I literally use to read the obituaries in the newspapers and say damn, that fool still ain’t dead yet. I know that sounds crazy, an I did eventually stop doing that, but even then, my anger didn’t go away. Then he had the audacity to fucking die.  I probably still need therapy to sort all of that out, but let me tell it, I’m over it and I’m okay.

But Mister’s Dad really was his hero, and in Mister’s mind, his Dad was something akin to Superman, which is one of the reasons why Mister struggled so much over the past year when his Dad’s masks started falling off because his Mom was too sick to keep up the facade of the picture they had painted about his Dad, even to their children. 

But even with all of that, for over 40 years of Mister’s life, his Dad was his hero, and his Mom was his best friend. And in less than 7 months, both of them are gone from his life, permanently. A week or so ago, he said he still picks up his phone sometimes to call or text his Mom. They talked almost every day, often a few times a day. And he didn’t necessarily talk to his Dad every day, but he did at least a few days out of a week. And Mister would often go by their house just to hang out with them, and they would often stop by here when they were out and about, just to lay eyes on Mister and say Hi, even if they didn’t go through the trouble of getting his Mom up the steps in the garage, into the house. 

I can’t imagine what losing both of them must feel like for him. 

[andi9899]

Sept 20, 2023 18:02:11 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I made Chrissy Tiegens coconut carrot soup.

I don't have sweet chili sauce so I used red curry paste and a dash of chili flakes.

It's pretty good wasn't sure I'd like carrots in soup form. I think I might like them better as soup.

I'm going to serve it with a scoop of rice and some roasted peanuts to garnish.

I've heard her recipes are so good and I love carrots. I'm going to have to get one of her cookbooks.

[Pink Cashmere]

I am sitting in the garage with the door up, because it is raining, and the sound is soothing to me. 

I appreciate the cooler weather, but I’m not use to it, and I am tempted to go put on some socks and a hoodie lol.

[chiver78]

Sept 20, 2023 19:01:47 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am sitting in the garage with the door up, because it is raining, and the sound is soothing to me. 

I appreciate the cooler weather, but I’m not use to it, and I am tempted to go put on some socks and a hoodie lol.

haha, do it up. you're in your happy place, you should be comfortable! I started today in a long sleeved tshirt and long pajama pants, b/c it was chilly. I changed into a strapless beach coverup (sunny standard) when it warmed up enough to do so, and I'm back in the tshirt and pjs til I go to bed. I've been outside all day. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 20, 2023 19:01:27 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 20, 2023 18:02:11 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I made Chrissy Tiegens coconut carrot soup.

I don't have sweet chili sauce so I used red curry paste and a dash of chili flakes.

It's pretty good wasn't sure I'd like carrots in soup form. I think I might like them better as soup.

I'm going to serve it with a scoop of rice and some roasted peanuts to garnish.

I've heard her recipes are so good and I love carrots. I'm going to have to get one of her cookbooks.

I have the first and second one. I want the third one or her mom's.

[giramomma]

I am on a call for dual enrollment/dual credit opportunities.

I think these will be realistic options for DD1 in a year.

It is also boring.

[Pink Cashmere]

I have an appointment with my therapist for next week. I couldn’t get an appointment for this week. 

I am trying to figure out what I want to talk about, to try to make that appointment productive. I am kind of amused, and appreciate it at the same time, that she is very well aware of and very clearly remembers what I said when I filled out the initial paperwork and said that I’ve tried therapy a few times and my goal now is to try to get something more useful out of it besides it just being a safe place to bitch about my life, because I can just bitch about shit to my friends. 

I guess I shouldn’t be amused, and should just be glad that she takes what I’ve asked of her seriously.

If my appointment was tomorrow, I’d ask for help with dealing with Mister while he is in the place he is right now. I already know to give him space when he needs it, but in normal circumstances, I am only willing to let that go on for so long before I feel like we need to tend to and connect with each other. And in normal circumstances, I would’ve already been fussing and fighting with him about him being weird, but it’s not in me to fight with him like that right now. 

I don’t know where the line is in this kind of situation.