what are you doing right now?

[lurkyloo]

Sept 12, 2023 10:11:26 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Decided to ask the Medicaid lady about the wording in my POA about reimbursement/compensation.   The answer is no I cannot bill grandma or her estate for anything I do.  DHS expects you to do it all out of the goodness of your heart/sense of duty.

Which on one hand I get it is an ethical concern if I am taking compensation.  On the other hand this is almost a full time job if I want it done right. Just educating myself alone is taking up a large chunk of time.

I am not expected to come into work and do it for free because "it's the right thing to do" to help the company.  It seems insane to me that I am expected to navigate elder care and applying for Medicaid without a single penny.

That sounds terribly greedy but it's true.   I am bitter about the constant refrain of I am "doing the right thing".  Which gee I don't see Bill riding up to take care of his MIL.   Great Aunt has five kids and they dumped it all on the eldest daughter.  If doing the right thing by family is it's own reward why aren't the other four kids ponying up?

At least I asked.  I have been doing it right by not so much as taking money for gas and I won't be kicking myself if I found out later I could have reimbursed myself.

I am approaching the finish line.  After this it is a once a year meeting with Medicaid till she passes.  Not going to lie the fact that I will not be done with this for possibly another 20 years is not the highlight of my week but it is what it is.  I am resigned to the fact that I am actually potentially going to inherit my grandma and quite possibly my great uncle.  They both have to have someone represent them and if my dad goes before they do I'm the only one left. 

I should never have thrown that joke out into the universe.  There are moments where I feel like because I said that it decided to take my mom and I need to be careful lest it call my bluff again. 

Is it wrong that I kind of want you to use your POA to hire a lawyer and have them do everything?  Bet that would be allowable expense and make life more difficult for everyone but you and Grandma 

[lurkyloo]

Hugs finnime. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 12, 2023 10:58:08 GMT -5 lurkyloo said:

Sept 12, 2023 10:11:26 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Decided to ask the Medicaid lady about the wording in my POA about reimbursement/compensation.   The answer is no I cannot bill grandma or her estate for anything I do.  DHS expects you to do it all out of the goodness of your heart/sense of duty.

Which on one hand I get it is an ethical concern if I am taking compensation.  On the other hand this is almost a full time job if I want it done right. Just educating myself alone is taking up a large chunk of time.

I am not expected to come into work and do it for free because "it's the right thing to do" to help the company.  It seems insane to me that I am expected to navigate elder care and applying for Medicaid without a single penny.

That sounds terribly greedy but it's true.   I am bitter about the constant refrain of I am "doing the right thing".  Which gee I don't see Bill riding up to take care of his MIL.   Great Aunt has five kids and they dumped it all on the eldest daughter.  If doing the right thing by family is it's own reward why aren't the other four kids ponying up?

At least I asked.  I have been doing it right by not so much as taking money for gas and I won't be kicking myself if I found out later I could have reimbursed myself.

I am approaching the finish line.  After this it is a once a year meeting with Medicaid till she passes.  Not going to lie the fact that I will not be done with this for possibly another 20 years is not the highlight of my week but it is what it is.  I am resigned to the fact that I am actually potentially going to inherit my grandma and quite possibly my great uncle.  They both have to have someone represent them and if my dad goes before they do I'm the only one left. 

I should never have thrown that joke out into the universe.  There are moments where I feel like because I said that it decided to take my mom and I need to be careful lest it call my bluff again. 

Is it wrong that I kind of want you to use your POA to hire a lawyer and have them do everything?  Bet that would be allowable expense and make life more difficult for everyone but you and Grandma 

I am hiring the Medicaid lady and that is an allowable expense to the tune of $2k.  That makes spend down easier.

But at POA I have to be involved regardless.  It's required.  I suppose I could try to foist it off onto the state but that would take even more work at this point.

Speaking of allowable expenses I was talking to the Medicaid lady about lift chairs.  She suggested it and I told her the speil the nursing home gave me about not being allowed to purchase one that wasn't approved by them.

She said that is bullshit.  If I want to buy my grandma a lift chair with port and starboard attachments and rocket boosters as long as my grandma says she's cool with it the nursing home can go F themselves.  They have to accept the chair if grandma wants it.    She'd be tempted to buy my grandma one just to spite them.

My dad is pretty sure they made that rule up so I would return the chair and they would get the money instead.  And it sounds like he was indeed correct.  I did return the chair because at that point I had no energy to fight them with anymore.  Not eager to go through that again.

[daisylu]

Hugs finnime . I'm glad you made the move to be closer to your family when you did.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 12, 2023 10:53:08 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I can't remember how at this time, but hubs was allowed to take $1200 a year from his mom's money. We had to declare it on the paperwork but he actually got that. Since he was driving miles a week to see her 2 and 3 times it did help some. Of course I was doing all the paperwork, but that's ok, it helped with gas. He spent a lot, I think it was something like 80 miles round trip each time for a couple of years.

Honestly, I'm glad all that is behind me. I took care of mom and her needs, MIL's paperwork, clothing, and all that. Hubs did the visiting and pill part. I did the hospice part for her, so its' done. We did get some money as it was taken care of years before and we didn't even know it. My mom did the same, but hubs and I even if divorced or widowed would not have blown their money and they knew it. Hubs said me not signing stuff over to the kids is going to cause them to lose our money to the state. Well, I trust son to not spend it, but I'm afraid if DIL knew what we had she would go crazy with spending if something happened to son and we would end up in poverty. He can't keep her in control now. When up there she was saying she wasn't spending but had all kinds of nice jewelry. Things she would say oh this was just $400 or $500 or this purse was only $100 and than wonders why they can't work on the house. I bit my tongue but even though he makes good money I don't know how he keeps up. I think they argue about it, well I know so. But again I try to stay out of it. But I don't want to be broke if something happens to son, as we have enough to live a good life for the rest of our life. That is a problem for us. I'm sure he has money in his pension fund for the future and will have SS. He also has other savings, how much I have no idea and is still saving into his 401K, but they will need it. So he tries to keep her under control, but it must be stressful to have to do that daily. I would not go clothes shopping for me or DD so she didn't have an excuse to buy. She would say well I can look and not buy, you can't? I told her no I can't. Not true but it was a good excuse. DD and I went a few times alone but I didn't buy anything.

She is a good person, but she does have a problem, I have to be really careful too as I can do the same. We had necessities to get when I came back, but now I have reined in again. So I'm doing good.

Well, time to go help hubs,, he ended up having to put a new toilet in at the rental, there was something wrong with the other one, so he is doing that today. The place really looks nice.

Later all.

This becomes a taxable event to your son when you die.  If your house is in your son’s name rather inheriting it, he gets to pay capital gains on the house.  I learned this one the hard way.  

If you leave what you want to your son, it is not considered martial property and as long as he keeps it separate, his wife cannot access it unless he gives her access.  If that happens, then that’s on him being an idiot knowing his wife spends like she does.  

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 12, 2023 10:48:43 GMT -5 finnime said:

DH is down.

He knows he needs to start planning on getting the port in place for peritoneal dialysis and he is not up for it, the medicalization of our lives. It scares me, too. He has had complications after every single interventional procedure in the past 15 years, and there have been about 20. The caomplications are a function of diabetes and CKD. The dialysis will address the CKD.

I've started looking at rescheduling our trip to New Mexico to perhaps October. That may be later than is good for DH, with his numbers falling.

I wish it were different.

I’m sorry to hear this.  Is a transplant an option?

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 12, 2023 10:48:43 GMT -5 finnime said:

DH is down.

He knows he needs to start planning on getting the port in place for peritoneal dialysis and he is not up for it, the medicalization of our lives. It scares me, too. He has had complications after every single interventional procedure in the past 15 years, and there have been about 20. The caomplications are a function of diabetes and CKD. The dialysis will address the CKD.

I've started looking at rescheduling our trip to New Mexico to perhaps October. That may be later than is good for DH, with his numbers falling.

I wish it were different.

[giramomma]

Big hugs, finnime.

[debthaven]

That is very difficult to read finnime. I am thinking of both of you.

I'm very sorry for your loss susana1954

[busymom]

I'm still catching up here.  susana1954, I am sorry for your loss (my MIL happens to be awesome).  finnime, hang in there!  And, NomoreDramaQ1015, I know too well what it's like to deal with the legal paperwork of family members.  It's a full time job, and a pain, jumping through all of the hoops that get laid out in front of you, between the government and your lawyer (not to mention the accountant).   Hugs for Everyone!  

[snapdragon]

Hugs to everyone that needs one.

I decided to go out on a limb and bought myself a Taylor Swift Concert Movie Ticket as a gift to myself. I really wanted to go to one of the concerts but just too expensive and my passport is almost expired so I could not get tickets overseas. This is a great compromise and so I will be at the movie theatre less than 5 miles from my condo rocking out with a whole bunch of Swifties next month. 

[busymom]

I will mention here that I ended up paying myself for a portion of my relative's funeral, as the government gives you "options" on what they will cover under SSI.  I had a long wait on a phone call, with a detailed list of what the funeral home said the costs were for a graveside funeral.  And, even though cremation was the plan, and we went as inexpensively as we could without being tacky, I still ended up paying for part of it.  Oh well, at least I did it for family.

[lurkyloo]

I found the records from 2007 where they merged existing holdings into the new mutual funds, plus the subsequent statements, and therefore have the cost basis info I need    For my next trick I will locate the 2007 tax records that will have the official official numbers on the 1099-div.

I presume my Queen Packrat trophy comes with a free series of Hoarders Anonymous meetings 

[wvugurl26]

My packrat ways paid off when I was able to pull up the receipts and EOBs and figure out who the neurologist and oral surgeon were in 2015. Of course the records have been destroyed.

[seriousthistime]

I've made a series of phone calls today and did a bunch of online chats, which is something I put off as much as I can. 

I contacted Sirius XM to renegotiate my rate. 

Then I contacted the kitchen remodeling company to come over and take final measurements so we can order cabinets.

Then I contacted the company that provides fiber optic service here and arranged to have that installed so I can kick XFinity to the curb. 

And finally I signed up for an appointment for electronics recycling.   

It seems like nothing in terms of getting things accomplished, but I managed to cross off a lot of things from the list of stuff to get done. 

[swamp]

Sept 12, 2023 10:53:08 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I can't remember how at this time, but hubs was allowed to take $1200 a year from his mom's money. We had to declare it on the paperwork but he actually got that. Since he was driving miles a week to see her 2 and 3 times it did help some. Of course I was doing all the paperwork, but that's ok, it helped with gas. He spent a lot, I think it was something like 80 miles round trip each time for a couple of years.

Honestly, I'm glad all that is behind me. I took care of mom and her needs, MIL's paperwork, clothing, and all that. Hubs did the visiting and pill part. I did the hospice part for her, so its' done. We did get some money as it was taken care of years before and we didn't even know it. My mom did the same, but hubs and I even if divorced or widowed would not have blown their money and they knew it. Hubs said me not signing stuff over to the kids is going to cause them to lose our money to the state. Well, I trust son to not spend it, but I'm afraid if DIL knew what we had she would go crazy with spending if something happened to son and we would end up in poverty. He can't keep her in control now. When up there she was saying she wasn't spending but had all kinds of nice jewelry. Things she would say oh this was just $400 or $500 or this purse was only $100 and than wonders why they can't work on the house. I bit my tongue but even though he makes good money I don't know how he keeps up. I think they argue about it, well I know so. But again I try to stay out of it. But I don't want to be broke if something happens to son, as we have enough to live a good life for the rest of our life. That is a problem for us. I'm sure he has money in his pension fund for the future and will have SS. He also has other savings, how much I have no idea and is still saving into his 401K, but they will need it. So he tries to keep her under control, but it must be stressful to have to do that daily. I would not go clothes shopping for me or DD so she didn't have an excuse to buy. She would say well I can look and not buy, you can't? I told her no I can't. Not true but it was a good excuse. DD and I went a few times alone but I didn't buy anything.

She is a good person, but she does have a problem, I have to be really careful too as I can do the same. We had necessities to get when I came back, but now I have reined in again. So I'm doing good.

Well, time to go help hubs,, he ended up having to put a new toilet in at the rental, there was something wrong with the other one, so he is doing that today. The place really looks nice.

Later all.

No.  You will be paying for your care that you can afford to pay for. 

[andi9899]

Sept 12, 2023 10:18:20 GMT -5 azucena said:

Sept 12, 2023 9:01:54 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I have those discussions with the twins. Usually when I leave I tell Jackson to protect his sister and Macy to be nice to her brother. Also when Macy is cutting up I tell her that she needs to behave and be a lady. When Jackson's whining I counsel him on not being such a whiny bitch.

We tell our boy cats "no means no" when our girl cat is upset with them being idiots.

I would always say that to Astro because he would always lick my legs even though I told him I didn't want him to.

[countrygirl2]

Well, I look at it several ways anymore. Used to be paying every dime we should and honest as can be. But when I see billionairs getting tax breaks for private planes, yachts, and more, I could really care less. I would like my family to have some of our hard earned bucks.

We are not going to give half of our estate to DD anymore, getting ready to change the will to $25k or some amount like that for her needs. I have talked to people with medicaid that do those funds for the state. They said no matter how well planned that you try to take care for a loved ones, the state will suck it dry and leave them $50 a month for their needs period. She said she saw it time and time again where parents with disabled kids tried to supply them so they had dental care, clothing, haircuts, shoes, and such. The caregivers end up going to yard sales to supply needs for the kids, its awful. So will leave son as guardian and he can see her basic needs are met. It's horrible seeing and hearing about this first hand.

So anymore family comes first. They got most everything of MIL's, all of my mom's. Maybe they won't get all of ours. We will have a 5 year lookback at least, so its time to do something at our age.

[Pink Cashmere]

finnime I will be praying for you and your husband.

[Pink Cashmere]

My therapy appointment was virtual today. It wasn’t as productive as the others have been, mostly because I was all over the place.

Mister is shaving and trimming his beard, getting ready for the visitation this evening for his Dad. 

My stomach hurts.

[seriousthistime]

Hugs, Pink Cashmere . 

Hugs, finnime .

Hugs, susana1954. 

Actually, hugs to everyone who needs them right now.

[bean29]

Sept 12, 2023 13:37:19 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Hugs, Pink Cashmere . 

Hugs, finnime .

Hugs, susana1954 . 

Actually, hugs to everyone who needs them right now.

Well said.  I second that.

[flamingo]

A few months ago, my DH requested brownies as a dessert option. So I bought the mix, then promptly forgot about it and didn't make them. Last night, he mentioned it again, so since I had time today, I made them. Now my house smells amazing and I want to eat brownies and watch movies instead of finishing out my work day.

[taz157]

Sept 12, 2023 13:37:19 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Hugs, Pink Cashmere . 

Hugs, finnime .

Hugs, susana1954. 

Actually, hugs to everyone who needs them right now.

Yeah that. ((((Hugs))))

[jerseygirl]

Sept 12, 2023 13:18:03 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Well, I look at it several ways anymore. Used to be paying every dime we should and honest as can be. But when I see billionairs getting tax breaks for private planes, yachts, and more, I could really care less. I would like my family to have some of our hard earned bucks.

We are not going to give half of our estate to DD anymore, getting ready to change the will to $25k or some amount like that for her needs. I have talked to people with medicaid that do those funds for the state. They said no matter how well planned that you try to take care for a loved ones, the state will suck it dry and leave them $50 a month for their needs period. She said she saw it time and time again where parents with disabled kids tried to supply them so they had dental care, clothing, haircuts, shoes, and such. The caregivers end up going to yard sales to supply needs for the kids, it’s awful. So will leave son as guardian and he can see her basic needs are met. It's horrible seeing and hearing about this first hand.

So anymore family comes first. They got most everything of MIL's, all of my mom's. Maybe they won't get all of ours. We will have a 5 year lookback at least, so its time to do something at our age.

Strongly suggest you have a lawyer set up a special needs trust for your DD. The state will NOT take this money from her and it can be used for her - clothes, trips, haircuts, dental, shoes etc. If she just inherits money, this inheritance may disqualify her from SSI and Medicaid.

[giramomma]

Sept 12, 2023 12:36:41 GMT -5 snapdragon said:

Hugs to everyone that needs one.

I decided to go out on a limb and bought myself a Taylor Swift Concert Movie Ticket as a gift to myself. I really wanted to go to one of the concerts but just too expensive and my passport is almost expired so I could not get tickets overseas. This is a great compromise and so I will be at the movie theatre less than 5 miles from my condo rocking out with a whole bunch of Swifties next month. 

I think I'm going to do this with the girls.  I am a little more excited than I expected to be about that.

[daisylu]

Sept 12, 2023 13:33:58 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

My therapy appointment was virtual today. It wasn’t as productive as the others have been, mostly because I was all over the place.

Mister is shaving and trimming his beard, getting ready for the visitation this evening for his Dad. 

My stomach hurts.

Hugs. Hope you and Mister catch a break soon.

[finnime]

Sept 12, 2023 11:19:57 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Sept 12, 2023 10:48:43 GMT -5 finnime said:

DH is down.

He knows he needs to start planning on getting the port in place for peritoneal dialysis and he is not up for it, the medicalization of our lives. It scares me, too. He has had complications after every single interventional procedure in the past 15 years, and there have been about 20. The caomplications are a function of diabetes and CKD. The dialysis will address the CKD.

I've started looking at rescheduling our trip to New Mexico to perhaps October. That may be later than is good for DH, with his numbers falling.

I wish it were different.

I’m sorry to hear this.  Is a transplant an option?

No, transplant is not an option for him. When we met with the transplant team they were clear that the only viable transplant for him would be from a living directed donor. I had thought I could be that donor, but due to my own health issues that is not possible.

At his age, going on 74 in October, they simply will not allocate the resources to make his transplant a priority from a deceased donor on the List. He would not get enough years of life to make it worth it. This was hard to hear but it makes sense.

Peritoneal dialysis apparently can be a good option for the longer short term. You can do it at home and even sleep during sessions. We'll see how it goes. But I do fear for him.

[finnime]

All of you, thank you so much for the support. I can feel it.

[NastyWoman]

I feel a bit guilty about posting this since so many are having a hard time at the moment and even my good news is so trivial. But things are looking up here. I just saw the pool has been refilled so the repairman must have been and done his job. I expect that the pool will reopen tomorrow which is great as the weather is glorious - I only partially joke when I say the weather is why I pay those high taxes.
Sometime this week there will be people walking over my roof. As disconcerting as it is to hear someone walking above me when I live on the second (top) floor, I like that the HOA is pro-active and has all the roofs inspected before the rainy season starts.
I have several lunch dates in the next couple of weeks with people I have not seen for quite a while due to their and my traveling.
And, most importantly, all my family (blood and adopted) and most of my friends are healthy and doing well. I would love it if all of my virtual village people here join that group 

Now off to find my latest electricity bill to reinstate my library card - for some reason they like that better as proof of residency than something like my driver's licence