what are you doing right now?

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 17:25:35 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I am finally grilling steaks and stuff for DS for his birthday, which was yesterday. Yesterday got hectic and I didn’t do it. He didn’t mind, he said forget a birthday, take care of Mister. I love that kid! Even though he’s not a kid anymore lol.

But even though he’s been so gracious and patient, you best believe he is anxiously awaiting his dinner lol.

I love him too. You've raised a fine man IMO. Hug him for me please.

[toomuchreality]

FYI- I'm not speaking up about the funeral, house, car etc. because I don't know anything about it. Not because I don't care.
I wish you all the best, in an unfortunate situation.

[chiver78]

ahh, insomnia. 🙄 I've been awake about an hour now. at least I noticed that my phone wasn't charging when I first put it on the pad last night. the plug was loose in the outlet, so I fixed that. yesterday am when I woke up stupid early, my phone was only at 30% so I couldn't fart around on it that much and stay quiet for the pups.

[toomuchreality]

Sept 7, 2023 2:03:18 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

ahh, insomnia. 🙄 I've been awake about an hour now. at least I noticed that my phone wasn't charging when I first put it on the pad last night. the plug was loose in the outlet, so I fixed that. yesterday am when I woke up stupid early, my phone was only at 30% so I couldn't fart around on it that much and stay quiet for the pups.

Yep. I'm awake too. But I got a couple loads of laundry and my dishes done, so that's good.

Hope you get some sleep!

[daisylu]

Ugh, my night sweats have been through the roof this week.

[finnime]

Good morning, wise and wonderful invisipeeps. Welcome to Thursday. I hope your day brings you peace and light.

I just read through the last 8 pages. The discussion of the legal aspects of death, and of cemetaries and memoriams either with graves or not is thought-provoking. The thoughts of infants burials is so sad I feel hollowed out.

DH and I will be cremated. We don't have plots or grave markers planned. I really prefer the green approach of simple ashes to ashes, dust to dust. I do appreciate the value of some type of memoriam for those who live on.

I think family pots like chiver78 mentioned are a function of a time when people died near to where they were born, and with birth family nearby. And the multi-use including stacking was due to the concentration of people in limited space in New England where small farms proliferated and church cemetaries were the norm. Now they give those with an interest in geneology like TheOtherMe some tangible fruits from their labors plus a place for people to remember. 

Got the new hot water heater put in yesterday although we were not there. I trust my handyman/contractor who stayed with the plumber and then cleaned up. The seal watch was very successful--dozens of seals everywhere in a very pricey part of Cape Cod. We almost missed it due to traffic back up after an accident on the small highway going east. But we made it. The boat was crowded and I got very few shots, but this one:

[raeoflyte]

Sept 6, 2023 21:40:47 GMT -5 Works4me said:

My understanding is that when a house is refinanced a significant percentage is held back to protect the interests of the financial institution. Mister might want to double check how much equity remained after the refinance because I'm thinking at least 20% is held back to avoid mortgage insurance and .ore like 30-40%. I can understand if he's willing to let it be foreclosed on but he should st least know how much he's blowing off. It might also be worth talking to the bank to see if there is a better way to handle things.

Just my two cents worth here and please accept my most sincere condolences on the loss of Mr. Messy for both of you.

It depends on the loan but borrowers can choose to include mortgage insurance on a refi and go higher than an 80% ltv. And there are gov't loans (fha/va) that have their own requirements.

If you have access to the mortgage statement you'll have a pretty good idea of where things are at.

[raeoflyte]

Pre-surgical appointments today. I'm starting to get a little nervous and keep thinking maybe I should cancel. But who knows if or when I'll be in a better position to do it and I didn't jump right to this option. I'm pretty well out of other options. I feel like I'm talking myself into something either way, even though the surgery path has been a long time coming. It's just bad timing.

Going to take advantage of not being able to sleep by working early. Boss and his wife (other coworker) are on a last minute road trip and things are blowing up. There is a theme to our issues that I'm really curious to see how they play out assuming we make the next move. I'll be taking a per file cut in pay, not to mention, expenses, self employed tax, and the significant increase to my health insurance. Right now we are all just happy to have any paid work, but I want off that treadmill as quickly as possible. I'm going to look at tracking my time per file/client and hopefully build up my client base. I like my boss and we work well together. But back to that theme...I am not going to spin my wheels on things that don't make financial sense when I'm not getting a salary and health insurance in return.

[giramomma]

Sept 7, 2023 4:27:12 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Ugh, my night sweats have been through the roof this week.

I'm sorry. My hot flashes have been worse as of late, too.

[chiver78]

Sept 7, 2023 4:27:12 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Ugh, my night sweats have been through the roof this week.

ugh, sorry. I. order to fall back to sleep, I had to crank the A/C down to 68. so I must be getting there soon, too.

[daisylu]

Sept 7, 2023 7:04:12 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Sept 7, 2023 4:27:12 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Ugh, my night sweats have been through the roof this week.

ugh, sorry. I. order to fall back to sleep, I had to crank the A/C down to 68. so I must be getting there soon, too.

It bothers me most that it had been a good while since they were consistent. The last 6 months has been 1 or 2 a month, until now. Last night made 6 nights in a row. Enough that I resorted to wearing PJs to bed - at least I could just peel them off, which also means more laundry.

We keep the house at 69 at night.

[minnesotapaintlady]

I forgot my phone at home this morning.  This is going to make for an extremely long day.

[chiver78]

Sept 7, 2023 7:42:26 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Sept 7, 2023 7:04:12 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

ugh, sorry. I. order to fall back to sleep, I had to crank the A/C down to 68. so I must be getting there soon, too.

It bothers me most that it had been a good while since they were consistent. The last 6 months has been 1 or 2 a month, until now. Last night made 6 nights in a row. Enough that I resorted to wearing PJs to bed - at least I could just peel them off, which also means more laundry.

We keep the house at 69 at night.

I'm good with 72 most of the time. if I'm being smothered by a pup, I'll lower to 70 (thanks, Nest, for the phone access  ) and still be okay. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2023 21:45:58 GMT -5 Works4me said:

My understanding is that when a house is refinanced a significant percentage is held back to protect the interests of the financial institution. Mister might want to double check how much equity remained after the refinance because I'm thinking at least 20% is held back to avoid mortgage insurance and more like 30-40%. I can understand if he's willing to let it be foreclosed on but he should st least know how much he's blowing off. It might also be worth talking to the bank to see if there is a better way to handle things.

Just my two cents worth here and I hope those who know more will pipe up. Please accept my most sincere condolences on the loss of Mr. Messy for both of you.

ETA - Of course, he should wait to look into this after the funeral next week.

If, and big IF, there is any equity in the house the first place that money goes to is any liens or fines from the bank that holds the mortgage to bring things up to date.  Second/third/fourth would be any creditors.  It is unlikely based on what Pink has said about Mr Messy that there is enough equity in the house that once everyone else gets their cut there would be anything left for Mister or his brother.

If there is he'd get it eventually even if he chose to walk away.  It would just take a lot longer because it would be at the state's pace.

Still not worth it IMO.  Mister doesn't need anything from the estate.  Brother does.  There is no reason brother couldn't do it outside of being a lazy entitled prick.   Mister doesn't need any money from the estate he was the beneficiary of the life insurance policy. 

Why should he take on the work of all this research while his brother and probably several other family members too sit there with their hands out? Let them fight over the estate.

If any of this was a normal family situation or Mister really needed the money for whatever reason I would say sure it's worth a look.   It's not.  It's a giant clusterf*ck that Mister has spent far too long already trying to untangle.  He did right by his parents while they were alive.  What remains is all stuff that you can't take with you when it's your turn.   It's not worth the hassle.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2023 21:43:35 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Hubs had to go to Odon to get a few pieces of metal for a building he is fixing. So I gave him a list and he bought meat at the market. He said it came to $240, I said did that surprise you, he said nope. We usually buy $300 to $400 worth, didn't really want to get any yet. But its ok, we will likely cook the shish kabobs tomorrow night as I don't like freezing those.

I found cooked peeled shrimp at Fresh Thyme today, They were buy a pound for $11.99 and get a pound free, so a decent buy. I also got 2 bratwurst, I'm the only ones that eat them.

Also I bought cauliflower. I've been wanting it like the med restaurants do it. So I found a simple recipe, just put oil in a pan and drizzle oil on the cauliflower, bake at 350 for one hour. It tasted good. But I think it needs a bit more seasoning, to add more taste.

My kitty is on the foot of my recliner and covered up with my blanket. Smokey went to sleep there. He is so funny, I have been talking to him and he meows back at me and twitches his tail. He does all kinds of little things like that. We talk to each other before he goes to sleep. Right now he is rolling over on his back with his little paws up. He will eventually wake up and want to go in the bedroom. He will go to the door in there and stretch up to the knob and I let him in for the night. He is so cute, I just love my little boy. Tigger is the regal one I guess, he just doesn't do like Smoke, just a different personality. Lot of times he doesn't even want to be touched.

Hubs is getting his biopsy in the morning, I want to go with him, but he said no. He said they told him he doesn't need anyone. I'm afraid he won't tell me if anything is serious so I'm concerned about that. DD and I have a docs appt at 1:30, so he will be back home before than. 

I turned the AC up one degree last night and it got to hot, so back down that 1 degree and now its too cold. Just can't believe that little adjustment does that. But I'm leaving it there, can cover up easier than we can uncover. 

For what it's worth, your husband will likely not get a biopsy report today.  The multiple samples have to be sent to the pathology lab for microscopic analysis.  The tissue will be examined to see if malignant cells are present and, if so, further examination to determine the type of malignancy is usually done.  This info is used to help determine treatment options as some types of cancer respond better to one therapy than another.  The lab's size and workload will determine how quickly the report is sent back to the urologist.

Hopefully, the results will be completely negative.  

[giramomma]

Sept 7, 2023 7:42:26 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Sept 7, 2023 7:04:12 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

ugh, sorry. I. order to fall back to sleep, I had to crank the A/C down to 68. so I must be getting there soon, too.

It bothers me most that it had been a good while since they were consistent. The last 6 months has been 1 or 2 a month, until now. Last night made 6 nights in a row. Enough that I resorted to wearing PJs to bed - at least I could just peel them off, which also means more laundry.

We keep the house at 69 at night.

I'm just musing. I'm no dr. You've been under some extra stress lately.

I'm finding now that the more I can emotionally handle the stress, the more the stress goes to my body.

I've always held tension in my jaw, ever since I was a kid. I never had problems though, with clenching in my sleep (to the point that I cracked fillings) until I was dealing with mom after dad died. I'm in low contact now, and haven't had any problems since.

I'm told a lot of stories at work. Last week was a particularly bad week of being told stories. That went straight to my body and took like 3 days to get over that.

This morning when I woke, it literally hurt to have my shoulders where they belong, instead of up by my ears. The missy hasn't been in bed with us for two weeks, so it's not from needing to contort myself to accommodate her.

[giramomma]

Country,

I did most of my cancer treatment alone. The only time DH came with me is

1) when we met with the surgeon to have someone talk to us about the plan of treatment

2) my second round of biopsies

3)my echo

4) my port insertion and first day of chemo

5)my lumpectomy

6) getting my port out

4-6 is because I was under some sort of sedation, and I had to have someone with me.

2-3 were the two selfish times I wanted to be driven/some support

That's it. Which isn't a whole lot in 9 months of treatment. Yes, I was definitely the anomaly when getting treated. And life does not stop because I had cancer.  It would have been great if it could stop. We just weren't in that position.

I think it's OK to have the person undergoing the medical treatment call the shots. I didn't even have all the info. I still don't know what stage I was in. I know it wasn't stage iv from initial meetings with medical types. That's all I cared about. Those were the ground rules of me getting treated. Maybe someday I will find out.

[TheOtherMe]

There are lots of articles online about what happens if you die intestate in Tennessee.  When someone in the family is up to it, I'd suggest they read up on how it works.  Life insurance goes to the named beneficiary outside of the estate as does the retirement account.

Court appoints an executor and every penny has to be accounted for to the court.  In Mister's dad's case, his heirs are his two songs if there are any assets to distribute.  Says it's about a 12 month process because the court appoints the executor.  

The bank may have frozen his accounts until an estate account is set up.  

[jerseygirl]

Countrygirl Hoping your hubby has biopsy easily. Probably a week to get results and hoping negative.
Lots of new meds if he does need treatment, not necessarily chemo

[daisylu]

Sept 7, 2023 8:17:16 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sept 7, 2023 7:42:26 GMT -5 daisylu said:

It bothers me most that it had been a good while since they were consistent. The last 6 months has been 1 or 2 a month, until now. Last night made 6 nights in a row. Enough that I resorted to wearing PJs to bed - at least I could just peel them off, which also means more laundry.

We keep the house at 69 at night.

I'm just musing. I'm no dr. You've been under some extra stress lately.

I'm finding now that the more I can emotionally handle the stress, the more the stress goes to my body.

I've always held tension in my jaw, ever since I was a kid. I never had problems though, with clenching in my sleep (to the point that I cracked fillings) until I was dealing with mom after dad died. I'm in low contact now, and haven't had any problems since.

I'm told a lot of stories at work. Last week was a particularly bad week of being told stories. That went straight to my body and took like 3 days to get over that.

This morning when I woke, it literally hurt to have my shoulders where they belong, instead of up by my ears. The missy hasn't been in bed with us for two weeks, so it's not from needing to contort myself to accommodate her.

The bolded crossed my mind as well. I am fairly sure that is what has ramped things up. I am having more bloodwork drawn for the OB, probably tomorrow.

Funny that you brought up your jaw issues. I had issues years ago from grinding my teeth at night during stressful times. I used a night guard for a while and it went away. It is back with a vengeance. I did have a crown put on a molar last Monday and was contributing it to that, but I realized that I did not have the jaw pain after Tuesday of last week until this past weekend when my world got upended. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 7, 2023 8:32:44 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

There are lots of articles online about what happens if you die intestate in Tennessee.  When someone in the family is up to it, I'd suggest they read up on how it works.  Life insurance goes to the named beneficiary outside of the estate as does the retirement account.

Court appoints an executor and every penny has to be accounted for to the court.  In Mister's dad's case, his heirs are his two songs if there are any assets to distribute.  Says it's about a 12 month process because the court appoints the executor.  

The bank may have frozen his accounts until an estate account is set up.  

Brother better get busy finding a job then.

Seriously why should Mister have to be involved in any of this?  Brother wants the house and the car.  Brother needs money to support himself.  Let brother handle it.  It takes him 12 months to get it sorted and in the meantime the house gets foreclosed and the car repossessed?

Whelp Karm's a bitch dude.

Maybe it's because I am the responsible kid that I am projecting onto Mister more than I should and think he should burn it to ground/salt the Earth.   The only one that benefits from Mister taking over everything is his brother.   Taking care of his parents was one thing.  Shouldering responsibility for the estate so his mooching brother doesn't have to get his shit together is another thing entirely.

His parents are dead all that is left is stuff.  If Mister doesn't want the stuff he shouldn't have to deal with said stuff.  There is another adult, in fact several adults, who could take over doing all that.  Let them.  They were sure quick to criticize Mister and listen to all of Mr. Messy's lies.   Well if they think they can do better have at it!

[minnesotapaintlady]

Sept 7, 2023 9:00:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 7, 2023 8:32:44 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

There are lots of articles online about what happens if you die intestate in Tennessee.  When someone in the family is up to it, I'd suggest they read up on how it works.  Life insurance goes to the named beneficiary outside of the estate as does the retirement account.

Court appoints an executor and every penny has to be accounted for to the court.  In Mister's dad's case, his heirs are his two songs if there are any assets to distribute.  Says it's about a 12 month process because the court appoints the executor.  

The bank may have frozen his accounts until an estate account is set up.  

Brother better get busy finding a job then.

Seriously why should Mister have to be involved in any of this?  Brother wants the house and the car.  Brother needs money to support himself.  Let brother handle it.  It takes him 12 months to get it sorted and in the meantime the house gets foreclosed and the car repossessed?

Whelp Karm's a bitch dude.

Maybe it's because I am the responsible kid that I am projecting onto Mister more than I should and think he should burn it to ground/salt the Earth.   The only one that benefits from Mister taking over everything is his brother.   Taking care of his parents was one thing.  Shouldering responsibility for the estate so his mooching brother doesn't have to get his shit together is another thing entirely.

His parents are dead all that is left is stuff.  If Mister doesn't want the stuff he shouldn't have to deal with said stuff.  There is another adult, in fact several adults, who could take over doing all that.  Let them.  They were sure quick to criticize Mister and listen to all of Mr. Messy's lies.   Well if they think they can do better have at it!

I agree.  I'd happily just hand it all over and walk away.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 7, 2023 9:08:21 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 7, 2023 9:00:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Brother better get busy finding a job then.

Seriously why should Mister have to be involved in any of this?  Brother wants the house and the car.  Brother needs money to support himself.  Let brother handle it.  It takes him 12 months to get it sorted and in the meantime the house gets foreclosed and the car repossessed?

Whelp Karm's a bitch dude.

Maybe it's because I am the responsible kid that I am projecting onto Mister more than I should and think he should burn it to ground/salt the Earth.   The only one that benefits from Mister taking over everything is his brother.   Taking care of his parents was one thing.  Shouldering responsibility for the estate so his mooching brother doesn't have to get his shit together is another thing entirely.

His parents are dead all that is left is stuff.  If Mister doesn't want the stuff he shouldn't have to deal with said stuff.  There is another adult, in fact several adults, who could take over doing all that.  Let them.  They were sure quick to criticize Mister and listen to all of Mr. Messy's lies.   Well if they think they can do better have at it!

I agree.  I'd happily just hand it all over and walk away.

I actually almost started crying when we got the call that an investor wanted to buy my grandma's house as is and would deal with everything we didn't want to deal with.  My dad is looking for the same deal for GU's house which is even worse.

There is only so much being responsible and "doing the right thing" a person can handle.  Mister doesn't need to give himself a heart attack trying to save a bunch of stuff and his brother from himself. 

Mister has his life together and now it's his time to start living it free from the co-dependency.

[minnesotapaintlady]

I love when my computer gives me these pop-ups out of the blue.

Only

4 years,
317 days,
14 hours,
18 minutes,
42 seconds
until your retirement! 🏖️👴🏻

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 7, 2023 8:26:39 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Country,

I did most of my cancer treatment alone. The only time DH came with me is

1) when we met with the surgeon to have someone talk to us about the plan of treatment

2) my second round of biopsies

3)my echo

4) my port insertion and first day of chemo

5)my lumpectomy

6) getting my port out

4-6 is because I was under some sort of sedation, and I had to have someone with me.

2-3 were the two selfish times I wanted to be driven/some support

That's it. Which isn't a whole lot in 9 months of treatment. Yes, I was definitely the anomaly when getting treated. And life does not stop because I had cancer.  It would have been great if it could stop. We just weren't in that position.

I think it's OK to have the person undergoing the medical treatment call the shots. I didn't even have all the info. I still don't know what stage I was in. I know it wasn't stage iv from initial meetings with medical types. That's all I cared about. Those were the ground rules of me getting treated. Maybe someday I will find out.

AMEN!!

[giramomma]

Sept 7, 2023 9:44:28 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I love when my computer gives me these pop-ups out of the blue.

Only

4 years,
317 days,
14 hours,
18 minutes,
42 seconds
until your retirement! 🏖️👴🏻

I am so jealous.

[giramomma]

DH is vacuuming. Music to my ears.

[andi9899]

Sept 7, 2023 10:16:23 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sept 7, 2023 9:44:28 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I love when my computer gives me these pop-ups out of the blue.

Only

4 years,
317 days,
14 hours,
18 minutes,
42 seconds
until your retirement! 🏖️👴🏻

I am so jealous.

Me too. I have 20+ years.

[andi9899]

I'm going to look at this today. I'm still leaning towards the KS townhouse, but we'll see.

www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/M8779315163?identityID=624a68fe-4870-4e12-bf1a-0a9415ed2268&MID=LeadConfirmation_2023_RENTAL_PROD&RID=26214839362&cid=eml_trans_LeadConfirmation_202305_Rentals_cons.16554562_LeadConfirmation_2023_RENTAL_PROD-hero_image-RDC

[minnesotapaintlady]

Sept 7, 2023 10:30:19 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 7, 2023 10:16:23 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I am so jealous.

Me too. I have 20+ years.

If it's any consolation, I'd rather be 40.