what are you doing right now?

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2023 18:12:27 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Sept 6, 2023 17:45:56 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

If we had not already purchased the columbarium niche, I would prefer a more environmentally friendly way such as biocremation in which remains are truly returned to the earth without wasteful use of natural resources.  But the columbarium is non-refundable and DH wants cremation.

I want to be composted and turned into dirt so my loved ones can plant a tree with my remains. Barring that, I will be wrapped in a shroud and have a green burial at my favorite cemetery (and with a gorgeous view of Philly/Fairmount Park).

recompose.life/

laurelhillphl.com/cemetery-funeral-offerings/green/

Wow, that's everything I would wish for.  Texas is very slow in coming to accept alternative methods so it's still baby steps here, and only in outlying, rural areas.  

[steph08]

Put me in the cheapest pine box, burn me, and spread me in the Thames, if that's allowed.

If not, on my favorite running trail. My kids could put some of me into a necklace or turn me into a ring if they want.

But please, don't bury me in a box under the ground in a cemetery.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 17:38:13 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We have regular grave sites here, 1 to a grave. Mom gave us 3 sites. I was going to have the tombstone set for ours and the cemetery would not let us do it. Mom had nothing left, no estate so we did nothing and they wanted proof I was the only kid. There was no will, we have moved everything over years before. So I went to our attorney and for $200 he wrote a letter telling them, there was no assets and no bills owed and that the sites were mine. That was all I needed. I'm assuming heirs were fighting over burial sites or something.
So I bought us a lovely gravemarker around 8 or so years ago, $5k, they go up every year. And DD picked hers out, very modest heart shape and plain. That was what she wanted still was $1k, so that is done. I want to pre pay her burial, so there will be money for it for sure and likely ours too.

They charge so many hundred here to open the grave and more charges get piled on for this and that, so it mounts up.

Why should Mister go pay an attorney for work for no estate?  That will be money out of his pocket for what?  He can do like I did mom, no money, nothing left and have an attorney sign off. His dad has nothing, and its nothing to him if the house and all is lost, so let his brother deal with it. Either way, sounds like its go, so let it go without sinking more money into a pit.  Both are deceased and nobody is libel to pay for the house that is not theirs, so I would pay for the funeral and just step aside. If his brother tries to stay, he needs to take care of the legalities and start paying the bills, he's the one that is going to lose his butt. Sounds like he is trying to get enough money for a down and first months rent or something.

Mister mentioned yesterday that he wasn’t looking forward to creditors contacting him like they did after his Mom passed. I know they did, because we got mail addressed “to the estate of Mister’s Mom”. I told him yesterday, to not even concern himself with that. If people started calling and mailing him stuff again, ignore it. He has no reason to try to deal with that again, since both parents are gone now. 

He’s been asking his brother for months now, to handle their Mom’s estate and probate. That’s where the money Brother says their Dad promised him is tied up. If he wants it so bad, handle that business. I told Mister today, to tell brother he can handle their Dad’s stuff too. Mister has spent 13 months now handling business for his parents, including spending tens of thousands of his own money trying to straighten out the financial mess, and trying to take care of them in other ways. While Brother was wringing his hands and wouldn’t even do simple tasks, because he was just so upset that their Mom was gone.

So Mister has done what he set out to do over a year ago now. He tried to protect and take care of his parents, his brother just benefitted from Mister’s efforts to help his parents, but it was never about his brother. So let him deal with it now, and see if there is anything left for him to have. Mister doesn’t need any money from his deceased parents, Brother needs money from wherever he can get it. So let him have at it, and let Mister finally rest and try to regroup from all that has happened. 

Knowing Mister, he will give his brother some of the money from the life insurance their Dad had. But it’s not so much money that after he subtracts what he paid out of his pockets for his Mom’s final expenses and what he’s paying now for his Dad’s final expenses, there will be much left. He is adamant that he will not pay for his brother to continue living in their parents house, or keep driving their Dad’s car. 

Thanks to Mister managing his Dad’s money over the past year, his Dad has several thousand dollars in one of his bank accounts, idk about the other. Mister doesn’t care about that money being used to keep things going for as long as the money lasts, but I’m not sure how that would even work. Can a dead man pay his bills?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

The cemetery grandma is in has a baby section.



They call it Babyland. Worst name ever.

Found a praying mantis hiding in weeds DH was removing from the fence.

Convinced him to hitch a ride on my hand and I relocated him to my garden in the front yard. Hes safer there.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2023 18:35:08 GMT -5 steph08 said:

Put me in the cheapest pine box, burn me, and spread me in the Thames, if that's allowed.

If not, on my favorite running trail. My kids could put some of me into a necklace or turn me into a ring if they want.

But please, don't bury me in a box under the ground in a cemetery.

Absolutely agree with this!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

As far as the water company knows my grandma is still holding the account.

They want a freaking $100 deposit to change it to my name. Regardless of history.

The other utilities only wanted one if you were a new account holder. DH had account history so electric and gas are in his name.

Fuck that. I leave it in her name and I pay from my account. We're going on 20 years and not a peep.

[Deleted]

When my neighbor and I used to travel together, we always enjoyed prowling cemeteries we came across because they told us the history of the area.  Whole families dead at the same time or near to it - disease like cholera or measles.  Names different from the townspeople in a coastal town - shipwreck victims.  Mother and newborn child together - testament to the toll of death during childbirth.  Many young men dead - one war or another from Revolutionary to Civil to WWI to WWII.  We saw cemeteries with separate sections for blacks and whites, for Christians and Jews - our country's battle with prejudice.  Cemeteries hold no terrors for me.  

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2023 18:38:05 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 6, 2023 17:38:13 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We have regular grave sites here, 1 to a grave. Mom gave us 3 sites. I was going to have the tombstone set for ours and the cemetery would not let us do it. Mom had nothing left, no estate so we did nothing and they wanted proof I was the only kid. There was no will, we have moved everything over years before. So I went to our attorney and for $200 he wrote a letter telling them, there was no assets and no bills owed and that the sites were mine. That was all I needed. I'm assuming heirs were fighting over burial sites or something.
So I bought us a lovely gravemarker around 8 or so years ago, $5k, they go up every year. And DD picked hers out, very modest heart shape and plain. That was what she wanted still was $1k, so that is done. I want to pre pay her burial, so there will be money for it for sure and likely ours too.

They charge so many hundred here to open the grave and more charges get piled on for this and that, so it mounts up.

Why should Mister go pay an attorney for work for no estate?  That will be money out of his pocket for what?  He can do like I did mom, no money, nothing left and have an attorney sign off. His dad has nothing, and its nothing to him if the house and all is lost, so let his brother deal with it. Either way, sounds like its go, so let it go without sinking more money into a pit.  Both are deceased and nobody is libel to pay for the house that is not theirs, so I would pay for the funeral and just step aside. If his brother tries to stay, he needs to take care of the legalities and start paying the bills, he's the one that is going to lose his butt. Sounds like he is trying to get enough money for a down and first months rent or something.

Mister mentioned yesterday that he wasn’t looking forward to creditors contacting him like they did after his Mom passed. I know they did, because we got mail addressed “to the estate of Mister’s Mom”. I told him yesterday, to not even concern himself with that. If people started calling and mailing him stuff again, ignore it. He has no reason to try to deal with that again, since both parents are gone now. 

He’s been asking his brother for months now, to handle their Mom’s estate and probate. That’s where the money Brother says their Dad promised him is tied up. If he wants it so bad, handle that business. I told Mister today, to tell brother he can handle their Dad’s stuff too. Mister has spent 13 months now handling business for his parents, including spending tens of thousands of his own money trying to straighten out the financial mess, and trying to take care of them in other ways. While Brother was wringing his hands and wouldn’t even do simple tasks, because he was just so upset that their Mom was gone.

So Mister has done what he set out to do over a year ago now. He tried to protect and take care of his parents, his brother just benefitted from Mister’s efforts to help his parents, but it was never about his brother. So let him deal with it now, and see if there is anything left for him to have. Mister doesn’t need any money from his deceased parents, Brother needs money from wherever he can get it. So let him have at it, and let Mister finally rest and try to regroup from all that has happened. 

Knowing Mister, he will give his brother some of the money from the life insurance their Dad had. But it’s not so much money that after he subtracts what he paid out of his pockets for his Mom’s final expenses and what he’s paying now for his Dad’s final expenses, there will be much left. He is adamant that he will not pay for his brother to continue living in their parents house, or keep driving their Dad’s car. 

Thanks to Mister managing his Dad’s money over the past year, his Dad has several thousand dollars in one of his bank accounts, idk about the other. Mister doesn’t care about that money being used to keep things going for as long as the money lasts, but I’m not sure how that would even work. Can a dead man pay his bills?

I have a lot of respect for your Mister, because he did what he saw as right by his father, honoring him despite some disillusionment, and maintaining his own personal ethic.  I don't believe in anyone standing before a throne on a judgment day, but if I did, I think Mister could stand there with his head high and answer in a steady voice that he did the right thing.  I don't think Brother could do the same.  

[raeoflyte]

Isn't it ironic...that dc needs braces the same month I'm losing my job. At least it's only 12 months.

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 6, 2023 18:47:56 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

When my neighbor and I used to travel together, we always enjoyed prowling cemeteries we came across because they told us the history of the area.  Whole families dead at the same time or near to it - disease like cholera or measles.  Names different from the townspeople in a coastal town - shipwreck victims.  Mother and newborn child together - testament to the toll of death during childbirth.  Many young men dead - one war or another from Revolutionary to Civil to WWI to WWII.  We saw cemeteries with separate sections for blacks and whites, for Christians and Jews - our country's battle with prejudice.  Cemeteries hold no terrors for me.  

I grew up next to really old cemetery! I love old cemeteries. When I was a kid I did rubbings of some of carvings on head stones. #2 pencil and plain paper. We played hide and seek there. But we never stepped on a grave. Somewhere over the years I lost my notebook. To this day when I travel I will hunt out old cemeteries to visit if I can fit it in. Like you said so much history! Ah, down memory lane I go   Although three weeks ago I went on one of “oh sh## I’m lost trips” in south part of county and came up on cemetery that still had some wooden headstones.

[daisylu]

Sept 6, 2023 18:56:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Isn't it ironic...that dc needs braces the same month I'm losing my job. At least it's only 12 months.

Ouch

[Pink Cashmere]

Mister just had an outburst, and it was funny. He said “I know you called *Mentor* and snitched on me about me saying I was going to work yesterday”. I was like “huh? What are you talking about?” He said “ don’t huh me. I know you snitched because he called me talking ‘bout if I cam to work, he was gon put me off the clock. And it’s not like he wouldn’t have the authority to do it. And he’s the kind of person that if he had me escorted out, to call me the next day like nothing happened”. I was laughing and kept playing dumb, and he kept saying “I know you called his ass”.

He was not genuinely upset, if he had been, I wouldn’t have been laughing. I didn’t confirm or deny, but I did make that call and say he was trying to come to work, and I didn’t think he should. I didn’t expect his mentor friend to pull rank on him though and say he’d put him off the clock, I just that maybe he could talk to Mister. And it’s funny because if he told Mister he would put him off the clock if he did come to work, I absolutely believe he would have. And Mister  knows it, that’s why he was fussing lol.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 18:40:22 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

The cemetery grandma is in has a baby section.



They call it Babyland. Worst name ever.

Found a praying mantis hiding in weeds DH was removing from the fence.

Convinced him to hitch a ride on my hand and I relocated him to my garden in the front yard. Hes safer there.

When DS came home for the first time in years after Mister and I moved here, he went to the cemetery where my Grandmother, Great Grandmother, and my brother’s first biological child are all buried. DS found all of their graves.

My brother’s son spit up while he was taking a nap, choked on it, and died. At the beginning of the same month that he would’ve turned a year old. That is one of the days that I will never forget.

I told Mister today that that little casket for my brother’s son seemed so very wrong, like it shouldn’t even exist. Caskets are for old people, not for babies.

[Peace77]

Sept 6, 2023 18:38:05 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 6, 2023 17:38:13 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

We have regular grave sites here, 1 to a grave. Mom gave us 3 sites. I was going to have the tombstone set for ours and the cemetery would not let us do it. Mom had nothing left, no estate so we did nothing and they wanted proof I was the only kid. There was no will, we have moved everything over years before. So I went to our attorney and for $200 he wrote a letter telling them, there was no assets and no bills owed and that the sites were mine. That was all I needed. I'm assuming heirs were fighting over burial sites or something.
So I bought us a lovely gravemarker around 8 or so years ago, $5k, they go up every year. And DD picked hers out, very modest heart shape and plain. That was what she wanted still was $1k, so that is done. I want to pre pay her burial, so there will be money for it for sure and likely ours too.

They charge so many hundred here to open the grave and more charges get piled on for this and that, so it mounts up.

Why should Mister go pay an attorney for work for no estate?  That will be money out of his pocket for what?  He can do like I did mom, no money, nothing left and have an attorney sign off. His dad has nothing, and its nothing to him if the house and all is lost, so let his brother deal with it. Either way, sounds like its go, so let it go without sinking more money into a pit.  Both are deceased and nobody is libel to pay for the house that is not theirs, so I would pay for the funeral and just step aside. If his brother tries to stay, he needs to take care of the legalities and start paying the bills, he's the one that is going to lose his butt. Sounds like he is trying to get enough money for a down and first months rent or something.

Mister mentioned yesterday that he wasn’t looking forward to creditors contacting him like they did after his Mom passed. I know they did, because we got mail addressed “to the estate of Mister’s Mom”. I told him yesterday, to not even concern himself with that. If people started calling and mailing him stuff again, ignore it. He has no reason to try to deal with that again, since both parents are gone now. 

He’s been asking his brother for months now, to handle their Mom’s estate and probate. That’s where the money Brother says their Dad promised him is tied up. If he wants it so bad, handle that business. I told Mister today, to tell brother he can handle their Dad’s stuff too. Mister has spent 13 months now handling business for his parents, including spending tens of thousands of his own money trying to straighten out the financial mess, and trying to take care of them in other ways. While Brother was wringing his hands and wouldn’t even do simple tasks, because he was just so upset that their Mom was gone.

So Mister has done what he set out to do over a year ago now. He tried to protect and take care of his parents, his brother just benefitted from Mister’s efforts to help his parents, but it was never about his brother. So let him deal with it now, and see if there is anything left for him to have. Mister doesn’t need any money from his deceased parents, Brother needs money from wherever he can get it. So let him have at it, and let Mister finally rest and try to regroup from all that has happened. 

Knowing Mister, he will give his brother some of the money from the life insurance their Dad had. But it’s not so much money that after he subtracts what he paid out of his pockets for his Mom’s final expenses and what he’s paying now for his Dad’s final expenses, there will be much left. He is adamant that he will not pay for his brother to continue living in their parents house, or keep driving their Dad’s car. 

Thanks to Mister managing his Dad’s money over the past year, his Dad has several thousand dollars in one of his bank accounts, idk about the other. Mister doesn’t care about that money being used to keep things going for as long as the money lasts, but I’m not sure how that would even work. Can a dead man pay his bills?

If the house has $40k of equity remaining, it could be sold.

Mister or whoever is the executor can open a checking account for the estate of Mr. Messy.  This way, Mr. Messy’s bills can be paid and utilities can be kept on until the house is sold.

Or, if no one cares about the equity in the house, brother can stay in it until the utilities are turned off and the bank forecloses.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 18:52:35 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sept 6, 2023 18:38:05 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mister mentioned yesterday that he wasn’t looking forward to creditors contacting him like they did after his Mom passed. I know they did, because we got mail addressed “to the estate of Mister’s Mom”. I told him yesterday, to not even concern himself with that. If people started calling and mailing him stuff again, ignore it. He has no reason to try to deal with that again, since both parents are gone now. 

He’s been asking his brother for months now, to handle their Mom’s estate and probate. That’s where the money Brother says their Dad promised him is tied up. If he wants it so bad, handle that business. I told Mister today, to tell brother he can handle their Dad’s stuff too. Mister has spent 13 months now handling business for his parents, including spending tens of thousands of his own money trying to straighten out the financial mess, and trying to take care of them in other ways. While Brother was wringing his hands and wouldn’t even do simple tasks, because he was just so upset that their Mom was gone.

So Mister has done what he set out to do over a year ago now. He tried to protect and take care of his parents, his brother just benefitted from Mister’s efforts to help his parents, but it was never about his brother. So let him deal with it now, and see if there is anything left for him to have. Mister doesn’t need any money from his deceased parents, Brother needs money from wherever he can get it. So let him have at it, and let Mister finally rest and try to regroup from all that has happened. 

Knowing Mister, he will give his brother some of the money from the life insurance their Dad had. But it’s not so much money that after he subtracts what he paid out of his pockets for his Mom’s final expenses and what he’s paying now for his Dad’s final expenses, there will be much left. He is adamant that he will not pay for his brother to continue living in their parents house, or keep driving their Dad’s car. 

Thanks to Mister managing his Dad’s money over the past year, his Dad has several thousand dollars in one of his bank accounts, idk about the other. Mister doesn’t care about that money being used to keep things going for as long as the money lasts, but I’m not sure how that would even work. Can a dead man pay his bills?

I have a lot of respect for your Mister, because he did what he saw as right by his father, honoring him despite some disillusionment, and maintaining his own personal ethic.  I don't believe in anyone standing before a throne on a judgment day, but if I did, I think Mister could stand there with his head high and answer in a steady voice that he did the right thing.  I don't think Brother could do the same.  

Thank you for speaking so kindly of Mister. I do believe that he did the best he could to try to be a good son and look after his parents that he loved so much, when they needed him. Even if he didn’t do everything “right”, his love for them was very clear in everything he did do.

He said today that for months, he’s been wanting to call his Dad sometimes, just to chat like they use to do, but it wouldn’t have been the same because his Dad wasn’t the same person anymore. He said they couldn’t create any more of those good memories, because his Dad had changed so much, and was likely to not even remember the conversation. 

Mister and his Mom use to talk almost every day, sometimes several times in a day, and he and his Dad talked several times/week. And either Mister went to their house to hang out with them, or they’d stop by here, just to see him and say “hi”, even if they didn’t stay long. Either way, they laid eyes on each other a few times every month. So this is all a very big change for Mister, and even though I tend to try to be Ms. FixIt for the people I love, this is something I know I can’t fix for him, no matter how much I might want to try.

[swamp]

Sept 6, 2023 18:47:18 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

As far as the water company knows my grandma is still holding the account.

They want a freaking $100 deposit to change it to my name. Regardless of history.

The other utilities only wanted one if you were a new account holder. DH had account history so electric and gas are in his name.

Fuck that. I leave it in her name and I pay from my account. We're going on 20 years and not a peep.

The electric bill at my old law firm (prior to me going out in my own) where I worked 2001-2014 is still in the name of the old partner who I replaced.  It was originally his building he purchased in the late 1960s. 

the electric company wanted a $1000 deposit because it is a commercial account. 

“fuck that” was the same response my law partner had.  

The bill is still in the guys name. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 19:44:12 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

Sept 6, 2023 18:38:05 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mister mentioned yesterday that he wasn’t looking forward to creditors contacting him like they did after his Mom passed. I know they did, because we got mail addressed “to the estate of Mister’s Mom”. I told him yesterday, to not even concern himself with that. If people started calling and mailing him stuff again, ignore it. He has no reason to try to deal with that again, since both parents are gone now. 

He’s been asking his brother for months now, to handle their Mom’s estate and probate. That’s where the money Brother says their Dad promised him is tied up. If he wants it so bad, handle that business. I told Mister today, to tell brother he can handle their Dad’s stuff too. Mister has spent 13 months now handling business for his parents, including spending tens of thousands of his own money trying to straighten out the financial mess, and trying to take care of them in other ways. While Brother was wringing his hands and wouldn’t even do simple tasks, because he was just so upset that their Mom was gone.

So Mister has done what he set out to do over a year ago now. He tried to protect and take care of his parents, his brother just benefitted from Mister’s efforts to help his parents, but it was never about his brother. So let him deal with it now, and see if there is anything left for him to have. Mister doesn’t need any money from his deceased parents, Brother needs money from wherever he can get it. So let him have at it, and let Mister finally rest and try to regroup from all that has happened. 

Knowing Mister, he will give his brother some of the money from the life insurance their Dad had. But it’s not so much money that after he subtracts what he paid out of his pockets for his Mom’s final expenses and what he’s paying now for his Dad’s final expenses, there will be much left. He is adamant that he will not pay for his brother to continue living in their parents house, or keep driving their Dad’s car. 

Thanks to Mister managing his Dad’s money over the past year, his Dad has several thousand dollars in one of his bank accounts, idk about the other. Mister doesn’t care about that money being used to keep things going for as long as the money lasts, but I’m not sure how that would even work. Can a dead man pay his bills?

If the house has $40k of equity remaining, it could be sold.

Mister or whoever is the executor can open a checking account for the estate of Mr. Messy.  This way, Mr. Messy’s bills can be paid and utilities can be kept on until the house is sold.

Or, if no one cares about the equity in the house, brother can stay in it until the utilities are turned off and the bank forecloses.

When I said there was some equity in the house earlier this year, I may have been mistaken.

Even if there is some equity, Mister doesn’t care, he just wants to be done with everything and try to move on. Neither parent had legal wills, so if I understand correctly, there is no executor. Mister was willing to do certain things after his Mom died, to try to hold things together for his Dad, but now his Dad is gone too, so what does any of that matter anymore?

I told Mister today that if he (understandably) doesn’t want to deal with it, he can just mind his own business and let his brother deal with it all, since his brother is the one that needs the house to have somewhere to live. I told Mister he doesn’t have to concern himself with trying to get his brother out of the house…. the mortgage and household bills were getting paid with their Dad’s income, and now that that’s gone, Mister can just leave it alone and let the chips fall where they may. When the bank forecloses on the house for non payment, they can deal with getting his brother out.

[giramomma]

Sept 6, 2023 18:56:03 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Isn't it ironic...that dc needs braces the same month I'm losing my job. At least it's only 12 months.

I am sorry.

[giramomma]

I am done. It's been a long day.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 18:00:03 GMT -5 azucena said:

Pink - my condolences.

When it comes down to the life insurance, Mister can fib and blame the insurance company for taking its time on the payout while he figures out for sure what he wants to do.

Our actuarial tables have what we call a 'heartbreak' mortality factor for joint policies that are sold to spouses. The additional mortality after the first spouse passes is very real especially as age increases meaning they've been together a long time and also more likely to have their own medical impairments.

Well, these days, it takes 4 to 6 weeks to even get a death certificate, and however much longer it takes after that for the life insurance company to do their thing. So, it wouldn’t be a fib to say it’s taking forever for all of that to happen.

The life insurance Mister’s Dad had, was only because it was a benefit from the employer he retired from. Mister’s Mom tried to do better and had a couple of life insurance policies and an IRA (I think it was) that she wanted to leave for her husband, children and grandchildren. She didn’t have a legal will, but we found what she’d written and typed, with what she’d like to happen when she died. What we found that she’d written, it said that one life insurance policy was specifically meant to pay for her funeral and burial, and that policy was more than enough for that. The other one was for her husband. The IRA was meant to be divided between her children and grandchildren.

Maybe she was more concerned about all of that because she had serious health issues, but regardless, she had more in place that she deliberately did, than Mister’s Dad. She was the weaker party, due to her health issues, but she tried to see about her husband, children and grandchildren if she died, even though in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t much money. But at least she tried, in ways that her husband didn’t even try to provide for her if he died first. I just had to say that, and now Imma hush on that.

[wvugurl26]

I left all the bills at my grandma's house in her name and just paid them. I'd been making sure they got paid for the last year of her life anyway. A couple times I was there and she told me I could just go on and pay them since I'd been added to the bank account.

I dumped the internet after we had the estate sale. Cable and phone were turned off when my uncle moved out. I had the electric turned off last Friday and canceled the house insurance.

The city was trying to hassle me about the water. I'll call them tomorrow. They tried to get me to change the name to mine. It wasn't my damn house, I didn't inherit it. They wanted my grandma to call to cancel it. I figured the new owners would show up wanting water.

[TheOtherMe]

In Iowa, if a person dies without a will, the court takes their sweet time to appoint an executor and state law determines who the heirs are.

When my cousin died, she had a paid of house and some money in the bank.  By state law, her dad inherited everything.  That meant he had too much money in assets and he had to move from his low income senior housing.  So he moved.  It has steps and he is in his 90's now and it's hard for him to deal with the steps and mowing and snow.  He said he isn't moving again.

It took a long time for that estate to get settled.

Check your state law to see what happens as to executor and let Brother have at it.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 20:47:40 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

In Iowa, if a person dies without a will, the court takes their sweet time to appoint an executor and state law determines who the heirs are.

When my cousin died, she had a paid of house and some money in the bank.  By state law, her dad inherited everything.  That meant he had too much money in assets and he had to move from his low income senior housing.  So he moved.  It has steps and he is in his 90's now and it's hard for him to deal with the steps and mowing and snow.  He said he isn't moving again.

It took a long time for that estate to get settled.

Check your state law to see what happens as to executor and let Brother have at it.

Neither parent had a legal will, so I’m not sure there is an official executor. If I am not understanding correctly, please correct me. 

Everybody has just been expecting Mister to handle everything just because he is the oldest child. And he has been trying to handle what he felt was important, for his Dad’s sake. 

I’m not sure he was legally obligated to even do that, and in my mind, now that his Dad has died, he’s not obligated to handle anything. Neither of his parents had a will, Mister is not interested in trying to get whatever money might be left from settling their estates, which is probably none, and he is beyond tired and stressed out from all of this, and if he can just walk away from all of it and let whatever happens, happen, so he can just try to move on with his life, and figure out a new life for him, where his parents aren’t there for him anymore to shoot the shit with and talk to all the time, or hang out with them like he always has. I truly think that just trying to move on without the BS because they both died, would be the best thing for him to do, if that’s possible. In my mind, his brother has more of a vested interest in settling their parents estates, and he hasn’t done much of anything to help since this all started, so let him handle it, while Mister tries to grieve and get himself together, since he’s been holding everything together for over a year, while his brother was doing nothing productive regarding their parents. 

Please, somebody, correct me if I’m wrong in thinking that. 

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 6, 2023 19:02:26 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Sept 6, 2023 18:47:56 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

When my neighbor and I used to travel together, we always enjoyed prowling cemeteries we came across because they told us the history of the area.  Whole families dead at the same time or near to it - disease like cholera or measles.  Names different from the townspeople in a coastal town - shipwreck victims.  Mother and newborn child together - testament to the toll of death during childbirth.  Many young men dead - one war or another from Revolutionary to Civil to WWI to WWII.  We saw cemeteries with separate sections for blacks and whites, for Christians and Jews - our country's battle with prejudice.  Cemeteries hold no terrors for me.  

I grew up next to really old cemetery! I love old cemeteries. When I was a kid I did rubbings of some of carvings on head stones. #2 pencil and plain paper. We played hide and seek there. But we never stepped on a grave. Somewhere over the years I lost my notebook. To this day when I travel I will hunt out old cemeteries to visit if I can fit it in. Like you said so much history! Ah, down memory lane I go   Although three weeks ago I went on one of “oh sh## I’m lost trips” in south part of county and came up on cemetery that still had some wooden headstones.

One of our last stops on the world cruise was in Halifax, and we went to the cemetery that some of the unclaimed bodies from the Titanic were buried.  Survivors were taken to NY, the deceased Halifax.  There are a couple cemeteries in Halifax that have Titanic deceased, this one had 18 souls.  If they knew the names or could figure them out, they were named.  One of the deceased was identified from a prescription bottle in her pocket, where they needed to go back to the pharmacist in Ireland.  

[Peace77]

Sept 6, 2023 21:11:47 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 6, 2023 20:47:40 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

In Iowa, if a person dies without a will, the court takes their sweet time to appoint an executor and state law determines who the heirs are.

When my cousin died, she had a paid of house and some money in the bank.  By state law, her dad inherited everything.  That meant he had too much money in assets and he had to move from his low income senior housing.  So he moved.  It has steps and he is in his 90's now and it's hard for him to deal with the steps and mowing and snow.  He said he isn't moving again.

It took a long time for that estate to get settled.

Check your state law to see what happens as to executor and let Brother have at it.

Neither parent had a legal will, so I’m not sure there is an official executor. If I am not understanding correctly, please correct me. 

Everybody has just been expecting Mister to handle everything just because he is the oldest child. And he has been trying to handle what he felt was important, for his Dad’s sake. 

I’m not sure he was legally obligated to even do that, and in my mind, now that his Dad has died, he’s not obligated to handle anything. Neither of his parents had a will, Mister is not interested in trying to get whatever money might be left from settling their estates, which is probably none, and he is beyond tired and stressed out from all of this, and if he can just walk away from all of it and let whatever happens, happen, so he can just try to move on with his life, and figure out a new life for him, where his parents aren’t there for him anymore to shoot the shit with and talk to all the time, or hang out with them like he always has. I truly think that just trying to move on without the BS because they both died, would be the best thing for him to do, if that’s possible. In my mind, his brother has more of a vested interest in settling their parents estates, and he hasn’t done much of anything to help since this all started, so let him handle it, while Mister tries to grieve and get himself together, since he’s been holding everything together for over a year, while his brother was doing nothing productive regarding their parents. 

Please, somebody, correct me if I’m wrong in thinking that. 

You’re not wrong.   
Brother could take action to settle the estates, instead of asking Mister about it.  Perhaps brother is assuming Mister will take care of everything and needs to be flat out told:  Mister is done.  It’s your turn to take care of things.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Granted they aren't dead but if my dad and I choose to walk away that's it. We can't legally be held responsible for them against our consent.

It results in 40 bazillion phone calls trying to bully you into it but they can't make someone handle all this stuff even if you were named. You have to consent. Period. You refuse they have to try to bully someone else.

I would suggest he turn off his phone for a bit or at the very least don't answer unknown numbers. Less stress and annoyance. My dad kept telling them wrong number and hanging up.



If they can't sucker anyone it becomes the state and in our case the nursing homes problem and they get to Duke it out amongst themselves.

Mister doesn't have to consent to anything. If anyone tries give them brothers number or any of the other do gooder relatives who are now no where to be found. Maybe niece since she was so eager?👿



If Mister has no interest leave it to the state. It's brother's problem if the house remains in limbo. Mister owes exactly Jack squat to any and all parties.

Brother wants utilities let him figure it out. He wants the car he can figure out how to get the loan current. He can figure out how to deal with an under water house.



Walk away. Mister deserves peace. Leave everything else to the drama lamas. It's called karma and this is one of the few times the universe is just waiting to dole it out.

[Works4me]

My understanding is that when a house is refinanced a significant percentage is held back to protect the interests of the financial institution. Mister might want to double check how much equity remained after the refinance because I'm thinking at least 20% is held back to avoid mortgage insurance and .ore like 30-40%. I can understand if he's willing to let it be foreclosed on but he should st least know how much he's blowing off. It might also be worth talking to the bank to see if there is a better way to handle things.

Just my two cents worth here and please accept my most sincere condolences on the loss of Mr. Messy for both of you.

[countrygirl2]

Hubs had to go to Odon to get a few pieces of metal for a building he is fixing. So I gave him a list and he bought meat at the market. He said it came to $240, I said did that surprise you, he said nope. We usually buy $300 to $400 worth, didn't really want to get any yet. But its ok, we will likely cook the shish kabobs tomorrow night as I don't like freezing those.

I found cooked peeled shrimp at Fresh Thyme today, They were buy a pound for $11.99 and get a pound free, so a decent buy. I also got 2 bratwurst, I'm the only ones that eat them.

Also I bought cauliflower. I've been wanting it like the med restaurants do it. So I found a simple recipe, just put oil in a pan and drizzle oil on the cauliflower, bake at 350 for one hour. It tasted good. But I think it needs a bit more seasoning, to add more taste.

My kitty is on the foot of my recliner and covered up with my blanket. Smokey went to sleep there. He is so funny, I have been talking to him and he meows back at me and twitches his tail. He does all kinds of little things like that. We talk to each other before he goes to sleep. Right now he is rolling over on his back with his little paws up. He will eventually wake up and want to go in the bedroom. He will go to the door in there and stretch up to the knob and I let him in for the night. He is so cute, I just love my little boy. Tigger is the regal one I guess, he just doesn't do like Smoke, just a different personality. Lot of times he doesn't even want to be touched.

Hubs is getting his biopsy in the morning, I want to go with him, but he said no. He said they told him he doesn't need anyone. I'm afraid he won't tell me if anything is serious so I'm concerned about that. DD and I have a docs appt at 1:30, so he will be back home before than. 

I turned the AC up one degree last night and it got to hot, so back down that 1 degree and now its too cold. Just can't believe that little adjustment does that. But I'm leaving it there, can cover up easier than we can uncover. 

[Works4me]

My understanding is that when a house is refinanced a significant percentage is held back to protect the interests of the financial institution. Mister might want to double check how much equity remained after the refinance because I'm thinking at least 20% is held back to avoid mortgage insurance and more like 30-40%. I can understand if he's willing to let it be foreclosed on but he should st least know how much he's blowing off. It might also be worth talking to the bank to see if there is a better way to handle things.

Just my two cents worth here and I hope those who know more will pipe up. Please accept my most sincere condolences on the loss of Mr. Messy for both of you.

ETA - Of course, he should wait to look into this after the funeral next week.

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 16:16:05 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Sept 6, 2023 15:01:56 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

DH fixed breakfast while I ran 3 loads of laundry.  We ate far too much sushi and sashimi for lunch but it was incredibly good.  Tomorrow is pick and pack day.  I'm looking forward to the week away.  

Ooh, I want to eat too much sushi!

Same!!!