what are you doing right now?

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 6, 2023 15:01:56 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

DH fixed breakfast while I ran 3 loads of laundry.  We ate far too much sushi and sashimi for lunch but it was incredibly good.  Tomorrow is pick and pack day.  I'm looking forward to the week away.  

Ooh, I want to eat too much sushi!

[minnesotapaintlady]

Sept 6, 2023 16:13:25 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

but are your plots all individual? that's a foreign concept to me, for this area. obv you *can* purchase individual, but none of my family that's buried locally is in individual spots.

I'm intrigued.  How does it work if they're not individual?  Are they stacked?

[chiver78]

Sept 6, 2023 16:17:23 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:13:25 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

but are your plots all individual? that's a foreign concept to me, for this area. obv you *can* purchase individual, but none of my family that's buried locally is in individual spots.

I'm intrigued.  How does it work if they're not individual?  Are they stacked?

2 or 4 wide, and stacked a few deep, for the larger plots. yup. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

Sept 6, 2023 16:22:26 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:17:23 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I'm intrigued.  How does it work if they're not individual?  Are they stacked?

2 or 4 wide, and stacked a few deep, for the larger plots. yup. 

That's definitely not the norm around here.  All plots are individual. Couples might share a stone and have a "double-wide", but no stacking.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I think ours are single plots they are extremely old cemeteries that go back to the 1800s.   

So in a twist of events our AC could last us another several years or longer. We can replace the A-coil for $1500.  The entire unit itself does not need to be replaced they have been trying to upsell us every time they say that.  The unit itself is built to withstand time itself like most older appliances.

Our FURNANCE is what needs replaced immediately.  The duct work is starting to degrade and it's only 40% efficient.  It was put in in 1983 so it's as old as I am.     Since I would rather not die from carbon monoxide and it is something we are going to need in the next couple of months we are going to pull the trigger.

Unfortunately that will leave us with no emergency fund but again I'd prefer to be alive with $0 EF than dead with money in the bank.  It will cut our energy bill drastically and I am reading up about IRS tax credits we could get some money back there.  We may not make the full amount back but we should recoup some of it.

I have to look more into our utility companies.  We're getting an 80% more efficient one and it looks like they want you to have 95% or higher.  Not sure I want to spend more $$ for a whopping $250 rebate. 

And debt will start dropping off come April of next year so if we can just avoid any catastrophes for the rest of the year we can hobble along.

[MarionTh230]

Sept 6, 2023 16:02:45 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sept 6, 2023 14:24:10 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Just finished private school tour.  The curriculum was everything I had hoped for and more.  Kiddo will be mad at me for a very long time if I move her though.  The price tag is also more than DH wants.  Open house at the current public school tomorrow.

This parenting thing is too hard some days.

Is there scholarship?

No.

There are other schools with lower tuition that we can look at.  They are K-12 though so now the thinking has moved to adding up the total to get through 12th grade.  Sticker shock really.

I didn't pick the priciest schools.  I would have written a check a week ago because the price doesn't bother me.  DH is getting nervous about the price tag though.

The public school district has problems which is why there is a private school on every corner.  The specific elementary school we are zoned for has been good enough for now.  The plan was to pay of the house and then move Kiddo after 5th grade.  If we move her now, it just means rearranging the budget to pay tuition instead of continuing the early mortgage payoff.  The thinking we had at the time was it made more sense than trying to sell and buy elsewhere to get a better zoned school.  Because even moving to better public zoned school doesn't necessarily mean much.

I'm more worried about Kiddo being mad at me for a very long time.  The reason I've left her at this school and not pushed the private school discussion is because she loves it there.  Good enough academics was ok given how well adjusted, how well integrated, and how well she gets along with her teachers and peers.  Academics are now a problem in 2nd grade though.  We aren't even hitting  good enough on the academics so I feel like I'm forced to do something.  Doesn't mean the something we are looking at is still the right answer though.  

[chiver78]

Sept 6, 2023 16:28:38 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:22:26 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

2 or 4 wide, and stacked a few deep, for the larger plots. yup. 

That's definitely not the norm around here.  All plots are individual. Couples might share a stone and have a "double-wide", but no stacking.

oh wow, interesting. glad I put up the caveat with my question. I didn't expect things to be any different than how it is around here, for some reason. thanks for answering! 

[giramomma]

Sept 6, 2023 16:43:41 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:02:45 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Is there scholarship?

No.

There are other schools with lower tuition that we can look at.  They are K-12 though so now the thinking has moved to adding up the total to get through 12th grade.  Sticker shock really.

 

We just did private 4k-8.

I figure we'll have spent about 150K on the kids education when all is said and done.

For us, it wasn't paying off the mortgage (our mortgage is $40 a month, and there is no benefit to paying off the mortgage early..as long as I stay alive).

We could have taken the kids to summer in Europe three summers for that.

I hope three recesses, strong academics, and not hearing other kids call the teachers a b*tch or worse is worth it.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Sept 6, 2023 16:46:12 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:28:38 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

That's definitely not the norm around here.  All plots are individual. Couples might share a stone and have a "double-wide", but no stacking.

oh wow, interesting. glad I put up the caveat with my question. I didn't expect things to be any different than how it is around here, for some reason. thanks for answering! 

Probably a land to people ratio thing.

[MarionTh230]

Sept 6, 2023 16:51:55 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:43:41 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

No.

There are other schools with lower tuition that we can look at.  They are K-12 though so now the thinking has moved to adding up the total to get through 12th grade.  Sticker shock really.

 

We just did private 4k-8.

I figure we'll have spent about 150K on the kids education when all is said and done.

For us, it wasn't paying off the mortgage (our mortgage is $40 a month, and there is no benefit to paying off the mortgage early..as long as I stay alive).

We could have taken the kids to summer in Europe three summers for that.

I hope three recesses, strong academics, and not hearing other kids call the teachers a b*tch or worse is worth it.

Back of the envelope had us at 110K for one kid at this school for 2 thru 12. Which is exactly when DH freaked.

I did tell him we don't have to leave her there thru 12th grade. At the same time he said he would want to leave her there because it is a very good school.  He is quite obviously conflicted.

Paying off the mortgage has nothing to do with the math making sense. It has to do with the idea of never being homeless. DH's childhood was even worse than mine in that regard. His family regularly moved in the middle of the night to avoid being evicted.

It only matters now because he keeps asking me where the tuition is going to come from and I have to keep reminding him where all our money goes. We have the cash flow it's just rearranging the budget line items at this point.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 16:22:26 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:17:23 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

I'm intrigued.  How does it work if they're not individual?  Are they stacked?

2 or 4 wide, and stacked a few deep, for the larger plots. yup. 

I missed the part about them being stacked. I’ve never heard of that.

[daisylu]

I grew up in Baltimore, as most of you know. When I was 2yo my parents lost a baby to SIDS at 2 months old. They were given a burial plot originally bought by my dad's dad. Mom and dad then bought a family plot (4 graves,2 stacked). Then my mom lost her brother to suicide. He is buried in of those plots. Both sides, mom's and dad's, are all buried nearby. I thought all graves (above sea level) were stacked.

[Pink Cashmere]

I am finally grilling steaks and stuff for DS for his birthday, which was yesterday. Yesterday got hectic and I didn’t do it. He didn’t mind, he said forget a birthday, take care of Mister. I love that kid! Even though he’s not a kid anymore lol.

But even though he’s been so gracious and patient, you best believe he is anxiously awaiting his dinner lol.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2023 17:17:57 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:22:26 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

2 or 4 wide, and stacked a few deep, for the larger plots. yup. 

I missed the part about them being stacked. I’ve never heard of that.

The water table is too high in coastal areas of Texas to allow for that.  In fact, they had to wait a few weeks after DH's father's funeral to bury him because heavy rains had the soil super saturated.  Back when Hurricane Harvey flooded Houston, coffins were popping up at a lot of cemeteries as the groundwater rose.  It's strange but true.  It was quite a challenge to identify all of those coffins and return them to the right place.  

[chiver78]

Sept 6, 2023 17:23:25 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I grew up in Baltimore, as most of you know. When I was 2yo my parents lost a baby to SIDS at 2 months old. They were given a burial plot originally bought by my dad's dad. Mom and dad then bought a family plot (4 graves,2 stacked). Then my mom lost her brother to suicide. He is buried in of those plots. Both sides, mom's and dad's, are all buried nearby. I thought all graves (above sea level) were stacked.

so this may be another apparently weird thing about this area. but your sibling would have been welcome in the "infants area" in the cemetery where my Nana's parents are buried. that particular block of graves always freaked me out, b/c headstones weren't allowed. just on-grade markers. it was jarring while driving through all of the headstones and then suddenly there weren't any. my great-grands were buried a couple 'blocks' past that. 

[wvugurl26]

Where my grandma and most of my family is buried, you buy the actual space and there is no stacking. When I was younger my grandma was the trustee for one of the local cemeteries and would have to go meet the grave digger to show him where to dig. The plots are numbered and assigned to specific people.

When grandma passed, we filed the paperwork to have their infant daughter exhumed. The remains were put in a small bronze box and placed in my grandma's casket. We had the baby's gravestone moved. Grandma had always talked about moving the baby and never got around to it. There's an extra spot that I guess we will bury my dad's ashes in.

Right before she died, grandma told my dad there was no need for him to be cremated and there was a plot for him.

We went to DH's parents home town area in July. I made it out of the car at the cemetery before I flipped out. Too soon.

[countrygirl2]

We have regular grave sites here, 1 to a grave. Mom gave us 3 sites. I was going to have the tombstone set for ours and the cemetery would not let us do it. Mom had nothing left, no estate so we did nothing and they wanted proof I was the only kid. There was no will, we have moved everything over years before. So I went to our attorney and for $200 he wrote a letter telling them, there was no assets and no bills owed and that the sites were mine. That was all I needed. I'm assuming heirs were fighting over burial sites or something.
So I bought us a lovely gravemarker around 8 or so years ago, $5k, they go up every year. And DD picked hers out, very modest heart shape and plain. That was what she wanted still was $1k, so that is done. I want to pre pay her burial, so there will be money for it for sure and likely ours too.

They charge so many hundred here to open the grave and more charges get piled on for this and that, so it mounts up.

Why should Mister go pay an attorney for work for no estate?  That will be money out of his pocket for what?  He can do like I did mom, no money, nothing left and have an attorney sign off. His dad has nothing, and its nothing to him if the house and all is lost, so let his brother deal with it. Either way, sounds like its go, so let it go without sinking more money into a pit.  Both are deceased and nobody is libel to pay for the house that is not theirs, so I would pay for the funeral and just step aside. If his brother tries to stay, he needs to take care of the legalities and start paying the bills, he's the one that is going to lose his butt. Sounds like he is trying to get enough money for a down and first months rent or something.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

We're not scheduling till next week so I am thinking about hopping over to the bank to see what our options are.  Our mortgage is too little and the house too close to it in value to be able to do a HELOC but there are other options available we can look into.  It'll have to be DH because I was an idiot and all our cards are in my name so I hold too much revolving credit at this time.  He doesn't.

I would prefer to do payments so we can hold onto the cash itself for as long as possible. I can always stop paying from the amount we have saved if need be and float if something else came along to screw us over before the end of the year.  But we have no cash we have no cash.

Ugh.  It is times like these I have to try really hard not to be super bitter.  I chose to stay married and work through it which we are but I could have bought a new furnace several times over if I had that money that DH went through over the course of our marriage.   It's destructive and doesn't serve a purpose to go down that road though.  He is working and cooperating with me now.  It is what it is.

[Deleted]

If we had not already purchased the columbarium niche, I would prefer a more environmentally friendly way such as biocremation in which remains are truly returned to the earth without wasteful use of natural resources.  But the columbarium is non-refundable and DH wants cremation.

[daisylu]

Sept 6, 2023 17:32:29 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Sept 6, 2023 17:23:25 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I grew up in Baltimore, as most of you know. When I was 2yo my parents lost a baby to SIDS at 2 months old. They were given a burial plot originally bought by my dad's dad. Mom and dad then bought a family plot (4 graves,2 stacked). Then my mom lost her brother to suicide. He is buried in of those plots. Both sides, mom's and dad's, are all buried nearby. I thought all graves (above sea level) were stacked.

so this may be another apparently weird thing about this area. but your sibling would have been welcome in the "infants area" in the cemetery where my Nana's parents are buried. that particular block of graves always freaked me out, b/c headstones weren't allowed. just on-grade markers. it was jarring while driving through all of the headstones and then suddenly there weren't any. my great-grands were buried a couple 'blocks' past that. 

Weird. My brother died in 1977. There was nothing like that there. And my parents barely lived paycheck to paycheck, and could not afford a stone. When my dad's dad died he left money in his will for that. It meant a lot for my dad to have that.
I don't think mom has ever visited the graveside. A few years ago while in town for another funeral, I was driving and visited with my dad. Probably the first time I ever saw him break down crying. He admitted my mom made them move from the apartment where it happened, and I'm pretty sure she buried everything about it then. Dad said he hated moving because he felt like he was leaving something behind, but did it for mom.

[TheOtherMe]

As far as I know all of my family is buried in cemeteries where there is no stacking.  

The cemetery in this town has a baby section.  They do have headstones and the parents can't be buried in that section.

My niece who died when she was 11 months old is in a baby section in Sacramento.  My great nephew is buried beside her.  He was 2 when his mother beat him to death.  

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 6, 2023 15:47:28 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 6, 2023 15:08:18 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I apologize if this comes across awkwardly, the only death I would have been anywhere close enough to need to know the burial details was my Nana. her plot was purchased when my grandfather died in the 60s, and I believe there's actually room for another two burials in the plot. was Mom buried in a single plot? is that common in your area, b/c we've got family plots around here. 

sorry for lingering stress. sending more hugs. 

I believe you can do it like your family did, but that requires planning. It didn’t even occur to me or Mister to look into that when his Mom was buried, and none of our elders suggested it.

With some folks, you’re lucky if they even have life insurance to pay for their funeral. My Grandmother planned and paid for her final expenses ahead of time, and still had small life insurance policies. AND she had a legal will. This is the Grandmother that only went to school until 4th grade, but she handled her business much better than people more educated than her.

ETA: no need for an apology ma’am! And thanks for the hugs.

I'm sorry Mister is getting hit with roadblock after roadblock, it seems. The burial plot made me think of my grandmom. She's still hanging but she's fading fast, and we'll see if she makes it to see her 95th birthday next week. Anyway, a few years ago she started calling around, trying to figure out where she's going to be buried. While there's no room in her family plot, there is a spot for her with her husband's/my Pop-pop's family plot but she will not be buried there because "I will NOT be buried with that woman!" That woman being her mother-in-law. So to her death, grandmom despises her MIL. 🤣
I ended up buying a house in the town she grew up in, and my house is directly across the street from the lot where the Catholic school she attended once stood (I stole a brick for her when it was demolished), so I offered to bury her in my backyard. I think she might have actually considered it. She finally settled on cremation.

I hope you and Mister can finally relax whenever everything is settled, and I hope for as little drama as possible for Mister.

[chiver78]

Sept 6, 2023 17:51:24 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Sept 6, 2023 17:32:29 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

so this may be another apparently weird thing about this area. but your sibling would have been welcome in the "infants area" in the cemetery where my Nana's parents are buried. that particular block of graves always freaked me out, b/c headstones weren't allowed. just on-grade markers. it was jarring while driving through all of the headstones and then suddenly there weren't any. my great-grands were buried a couple 'blocks' past that. 

Weird. My brother died in 1977. There was nothing like that there. And my parents barely lived paycheck to paycheck, and could not afford a stone. When my dad's dad died he left money in his will for that. It meant a lot for my dad to have that.
I don't think mom has ever visited the graveside. A few years ago while in town for another funeral, I was driving and visited with my dad. Probably the first time I ever saw him break down crying. He admitted my mom made them move from the apartment where it happened, and I'm pretty sure she buried everything about it then. Dad said he hated moving because he felt like he was leaving something behind, but did it for mom.

oh wow. I'm so sorry  [img]https://i239.photobucket.com/albums/ff155/JiminiChristmas/ymamsmiles/wilted.png[/img]

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 16:10:29 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Many years back DH's uncle offered him a place in the family plot at a very old cemetery here.  He declined as we will both be cremated.  We purchased a niche in the columbarium at the church we used to attend for $2,500.  For those unfamiliar with this, it's basically a place where small bronze niches (about the size of a small post office box) are placed in a wall.  This columbarium is semi-circular, made of rough stone, and surrounds a meditation garden.  The price includes engraving of names and dates on a plate fastened to the front of your box.  I do need to purchase prepaid cremation plans later this year.  There will be no service for either of us.  

That's what that room is? My uncle's and grandpa's graveside part of their services in there because it was so cold when they died. I didn't really pay attention to what it was besides that a bunch of names were on the wall. Now I know what my mom meant when she told me she's getting cremated and has a spot for the ashes. I didn't really think too much about what she was saying.

[azucena]

Pink - my condolences.

When it comes down to the life insurance, Mister can fib and blame the insurance company for taking its time on the payout while he figures out for sure what he wants to do.

Our actuarial tables have what we call a 'heartbreak' mortality factor for joint policies that are sold to spouses. The additional mortality after the first spouse passes is very real especially as age increases meaning they've been together a long time and also more likely to have their own medical impairments.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 17:53:28 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Sept 6, 2023 15:47:28 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I believe you can do it like your family did, but that requires planning. It didn’t even occur to me or Mister to look into that when his Mom was buried, and none of our elders suggested it.

With some folks, you’re lucky if they even have life insurance to pay for their funeral. My Grandmother planned and paid for her final expenses ahead of time, and still had small life insurance policies. AND she had a legal will. This is the Grandmother that only went to school until 4th grade, but she handled her business much better than people more educated than her.

ETA: no need for an apology ma’am! And thanks for the hugs.

I'm sorry Mister is getting hit with roadblock after roadblock, it seems. The burial plot made me think of my grandmom. She's still hanging but she's fading fast, and we'll see if she makes it to see her 95th birthday next week. Anyway, a few years ago she started calling around, trying to figure out where she's going to be buried. While there's no room in her family plot, there is a spot for her with her husband's/my Pop-pop's family plot but she will not be buried there because "I will NOT be buried with that woman!" That woman being her mother-in-law. So to her death, grandmom despises her MIL. 🤣
I ended up buying a house in the town she grew up in, and my house is directly across the street from the lot where the Catholic school she attended once stood (I stole a brick for her when it was demolished), so I offered to bury her in my backyard. I think she might have actually considered it. She finally settled on cremation.

I hope you and Mister can finally relax whenever everything is settled, and I hope for as little drama as possible for Mister.

Your Grandmother sounds similar to me, in that I can hold a grudge for forever too.

And I love it that you stole a brick for her.

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 6, 2023 17:17:57 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:22:26 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

2 or 4 wide, and stacked a few deep, for the larger plots. yup. 

I missed the part about them being stacked. I’ve never heard of that.

Definitely the norm around here as well (SEPA).

[azucena]

Spent the long weekend in my favorite spot on earth fishing at family camp in the Ozarks. Weather was gorgeous, fish were plentiful. Pulled in a catfish, several bass, and so many blue gill. Went thru 9 boxes of worms between my family of 4, one of DD11s friends, and all the other kids at camp.

So enjoyable esp as both daughters joined me for a few hours each day. Dd15 has made up ground on fishing skills the last two summers and will now bait hooks and unhook fish.

Really feeling the difference in my mindset at work this week. Still way too busy but the break refreshed me. Need to spend tike in nature way more often than i currently make time for.

[Cookies Galore]

Sept 6, 2023 17:45:56 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

If we had not already purchased the columbarium niche, I would prefer a more environmentally friendly way such as biocremation in which remains are truly returned to the earth without wasteful use of natural resources.  But the columbarium is non-refundable and DH wants cremation.

I want to be composted and turned into dirt so my loved ones can plant a tree with my remains. Barring that, I will be wrapped in a shroud and have a green burial at my favorite cemetery (and with a gorgeous view of Philly/Fairmount Park).

recompose.life/

laurelhillphl.com/cemetery-funeral-offerings/green/

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2023 17:58:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 6, 2023 16:10:29 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Many years back DH's uncle offered him a place in the family plot at a very old cemetery here.  He declined as we will both be cremated.  We purchased a niche in the columbarium at the church we used to attend for $2,500.  For those unfamiliar with this, it's basically a place where small bronze niches (about the size of a small post office box) are placed in a wall.  This columbarium is semi-circular, made of rough stone, and surrounds a meditation garden.  The price includes engraving of names and dates on a plate fastened to the front of your box.  I do need to purchase prepaid cremation plans later this year.  There will be no service for either of us.  

That's what that room is? My uncle's and grandpa's graveside part of their services in there because it was so cold when they died. I didn't really pay attention to what it was besides that a bunch of names were on the wall. Now I know what my mom meant when she told me she's getting cremated and has a spot for the ashes. I didn't really think too much about what she was saying.

Yes, that sounds like an indoor columbarium.  Ours is outdoors, and very much a part of the church in many beautiful ways.  The Stations of the Cross ends there, and often relatives of the dead come to participate and add their voices to the litany in honor of their family members in the wall surrounding them.  And on Easter Sunday, the Flowering of the Cross occurs there as well to recognize the resurrection of the faithful dead along with Christ.