what are you doing right now?

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 13:10:18 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Sept 6, 2023 12:52:57 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Technically you're supposed to, but who would report me? And even if they did, I would have a lot of paperwork showing that I lived at my parents house. Also, at the end of the day, KCPD has bigger fish to fry. They wouldn't even bother with looking into it.

ETA: T1 hasn't lived with me for years. Her driver's license and all her other paperwork says she lives at my house. She just takes her mail with her whenever she comes over.

Here it is a major violation because of personal property taxes. Like I said, anyone in the neighborhood could report and that puts you (collective you) in the scope. And the government will make sure that they get theirs. 

Around here people drive around with the other state's tags all the time. I'm changing my address to my parent's on all my paperwork. So on paper, I'll be living there. The only thing that I'd have in MO would be my residence which I don't own. I'd just be paying to squat there.

Honestly I'm leaning towards the KS one anyway. I know it's a lot of money, but I can easily pay it. It's not as lux inside, but it's not trash. Basic "apartment" set up. And it has a pool! The MO townhouse doesn't which is fine, but it's not in the greatest of areas. It's really convenient though. Everywhere I go is within a 3 mile radius of the place.

There is also another management company that I was going to use to rent out my house many years ago. I checked and they're still open. Their properties are primarily on the KS side all over the county I live in. I'm going there tomorrow. For some reason nobody let them know it's 2023 and you have to physically go to their office to get a list of their properties available.

[daisylu]

DH is trying to act like everything is normal, which is pissing me off even more. 

Yay for you for making an eye appointment that I told you to make 2 years ago. And for pointing out that I said that we do not use those benefits as much as we should, showing that I know things. I do not need you you to tell me how great I am, I already know - though I did forget for a while. He has a whole lot of shit to make up for at this point. I may be gracious and I may not. Still thinking I might run away for a month or 2, and let him see how much I actually do so that he does not have to worry about it. On the other hand he is trying. But is trying enough? We have no kids at home at this point, so to me now is the time that he needs to above and beyond. 

I really wish that the CBD store had my gummies yesterday. 

[giramomma]

Thanks. It's all OK. I know that this is not a reflection of who I am.

[daisylu]

Although I know nothing about them I am currently obsessed with the Joe Jonas/Sophie Turner divorce. So many different stories. They got married when she was 20 he was 27, she had not lived a lot of life. He was grooming her IMO. But it is coming off like he is the wronged one.

[Cookies Galore]

Husband texts me this morning to tell me that his mom is bringing his nephew over to see our cats today at 5. It's super weird and I'm annoyed because I am stressed with work right now, but I have a mammo appointment at 4 so I figure I will stop at Target on the way home and take my time shopping for shit I need (and don't need). Well, the office calls and apologizes that they're having surprise building maintenance and I can either come in at 5:15 tonight or reschedule for tomorrow, and I don't think I let her finish the sentence before I said I'd be happy to come at 5:15. Saved by the boob squish!

I love my MIL and I don't dislike the nephew, I just don't want to deal with people right now.

[haapai]

I'm inside resting after spending hours attacking poorly sited shrubbery that came with the house.  It's hot and muggy out there. 

My, doesn't that make me sound industrious!  Here's more of the story.  I bought the house a dozen years ago and somehow fooled myself into thinking that I could prune the shrubs often enough to make up for them being too close to the sidewalk and the house.  I did not keep up with pruning them and they've gotten wildly overgrown several times including recently.  

I've been filling the maximum number of yard waste bags that the city allows (and sometimes more) for three weeks now and it was only today that I actually saw some improvement that allowed me to think that this job was manageable and that I might get at least the hedge gone before Thanksgiving when the city stops picking up yard waste. 

So I've basically been following the shade around the yard and finding vegetation that want to kill pretty much everywhere and hacking at it. 

I probably would not be doing this if someone had not volunteered me to go to a coworker's rented home and deal with a self-planted tree that needed to go.  I'm not sure whether I took down the right volunteer.  The back yard was wildly untended to and wild grape and deadly nightshade had gotten very well-established.   It was a heck of an eye-opener.  I've been hacking ever since.  I've also found a fair amount of wild grape. 

[minnesotapaintlady]

I am utterly flabbergasted.  This morning I made a payment over the phone to the septic company and she asked me where to send the email receipt to.  I told her it was my full [e-mail], no period between first and last name.  We'd discussed my name numerous times looking up the invoice and when I gave her the name on the credit card.  This afternoon my son texts me from college that he forwarded an email he received from the septic company to me.  His name is nothing like mine, first or last and he has a period between first and last (although he is at live.com).  How the heck did that happen?

I care enough just to be baffled, not enough to call them.  LOL

[MarionTh230]

Just finished private school tour.  The curriculum was everything I had hoped for and more.  Kiddo will be mad at me for a very long time if I move her though.  The price tag is also more than DH wants.  Open house at the current public school tomorrow.

This parenting thing is too hard some days.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 11:08:33 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Sept 6, 2023 10:03:02 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

It's underwater.  I'd just let him have it all if he wants it. 

But is the house underwater?  I seem to remember Pink Cashmere mentioning that there was about $40k equity in the house.  This was back when mom died and Messy’s finances were all screwed up.  Mister took care of that and got it all straightened out.  

The car needs to go back to the dealer ASAP.  I’m assuming that since Messy died, both the car loan and insurance have stopped being paid.  If brother gets in an accident in the car that he was driving and has no insurance, this is going to turn into an even bigger mess.  

Yeah, I did say that. Mister has since told me that when they refinanced, it was for the maximum amount they could get and there probably isn’t much equity.

Mr. Messy just died Saturday, the 2nd. The mortgage was paid on the 1st. Idk when the car payment and insurance is due.

Whatever happens, I am 100% sure Mister is only willing to come out of his pocket to lay his Dad to rest, and nothing else concerning the house, car, and whatever.

[Pink Cashmere]

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

[Deleted]

DH fixed breakfast while I ran 3 loads of laundry.  We ate far too much sushi and sashimi for lunch but it was incredibly good.  Tomorrow is pick and pack day.  I'm looking forward to the week away.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2023 14:52:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

Because death is freaking racket.  I got to wandering when my dad was talking to the director and I found a coffin that cost $24k.  For just a coffin!

I get that there are costs involved and licenses and all that stuff that add on to the costs but when all is said and done it seems a lot like the wedding industry to me.  But instead of preying off the idea that it is your "special day and deserve it" the funeral industry guilts you into thinking you are a crappy person if you don't do X for your deceased loved one.

[chiver78]

Sept 6, 2023 14:52:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

I apologize if this comes across awkwardly, the only death I would have been anywhere close enough to need to know the burial details was my Nana. her plot was purchased when my grandfather died in the 60s, and I believe there's actually room for another two burials in the plot. was Mom buried in a single plot? is that common in your area, b/c we've got family plots around here. 

sorry for lingering stress. sending more hugs. 

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 14:52:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

Then I'd have to point him south and send him back to you.

I hope he's OK. Offer to snatch up the brother stands. Just saying.

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 15:01:59 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 6, 2023 14:52:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

Because death is freaking racket.  I got to wandering when my dad was talking to the director and I found a coffin that cost $24k.  For just a coffin!

I get that there are costs involved and licenses and all that stuff that add on to the costs but when all is said and done it seems a lot like the wedding industry to me.  But instead of preying off the idea that it is your "special day and deserve it" the funeral industry guilts you into thinking you are a crappy person if you don't do X for your deceased loved one.

Honestly, everything in this country is a racket. Because closed minded people can't get past "it's not fair if you get something if I don't" we're never going to be able to afford things. Healthcare shouldn't be a business, neither should death. It's ridiculous.

[toomuchreality]

Sept 6, 2023 13:10:18 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Sept 6, 2023 12:52:57 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Technically you're supposed to, but who would report me? And even if they did, I would have a lot of paperwork showing that I lived at my parents house. Also, at the end of the day, KCPD has bigger fish to fry. They wouldn't even bother with looking into it.

ETA: T1 hasn't lived with me for years. Her driver's license and all her other paperwork says she lives at my house. She just takes her mail with her whenever she comes over.

Here it is a major violation because of personal property taxes. Like I said, anyone in the neighborhood could report and that puts you (collective you) in the scope. And the government will make sure that they get theirs. 

They've been really cracking down on people that do this, in Utah. I keep waiting for the guy who used to be my next door neighbor to get caught. He claims to live at his mother's house in Idaho, but he actually lives in Utah. Taxes are less in Idaho. As far as I know, he has never lived in Idaho.
Utah wants their money. Thus the reason for cracking down.

[chiver78]

y'all, I'm not sure taking my typical long weekend for my birthday was a good idea. I've been on the phone all day (typical for Wednesdays) and am still trying to dig out of my inbox b/c everybody CCs everyone and their mother, and I can't rustle up any sort of GAF right now. there's easily 500 new emails, and I was off Friday and Tuesday. oh, and the EU was hitting me up for shit on Monday b/c it's not a holiday there. 

FTR, anything I actually do/sign off on reviewing is going to be with the utmost integrity and professionalism. it's just that I can't pull together the push to really drive anything. 

[toomuchreality]

Sept 6, 2023 13:44:52 GMT -5 daisylu said:

DH is trying to act like everything is normal, which is pissing me off even more. 

Yay for you for making an eye appointment that I told you to make 2 years ago. And for pointing out that I said that we do not use those benefits as much as we should, showing that I know things. I do not need you you to tell me how great I am, I already know - though I did forget for a while. He has a whole lot of shit to make up for at this point. I may be gracious and I may not. Still thinking I might run away for a month or 2, and let him see how much I actually do so that he does not have to worry about it. On the other hand he is trying. But is trying enough? We have no kids at home at this point, so to me now is the time that he needs to above and beyond. 

I really wish that the CBD store had my gummies yesterday. 

How long will he try? In my experience, it was never long enough. It's like saying I'm sorry, but not changing your behavior. So not really sorry.

I hope things work out for you.

[toomuchreality]

Sept 6, 2023 15:24:20 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

y'all, I'm not sure taking my typical long weekend for my birthday was a good idea. I've been on the phone all day (typical for Wednesdays) and am still trying to dig out of my inbox b/c everybody CCs everyone and their mother, and I can't rustle up any sort of GAF right now. there's easily 500 new emails, and I was off Friday and Tuesday. oh, and the EU was hitting me up for shit on Monday b/c it's not a holiday there. 

FTR, anything I actually do/sign off on reviewing is going to be with the utmost integrity and professionalism. it's just that I can't pull together the push to really drive anything. 

FWIW I'm glad you had a good time, on your days off. And I'm glad LD is doing well. How much longer does he have to stay subdued?
Oh, and I'm glad you have Mooch to help you with your plumbing issues. I hope your pool leak is repaired soon.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

The answer to what to do if something gets stuck in your equipment is to call Jim over and convince him to stick his hand in there for you.

God these vides go SO SLOW.  First they talk to you then it stays on that slide for eternity I guess so you can read it yourself?  It shouldn't take this long to get through 10 slides. 

[chiver78]

Sept 6, 2023 15:35:29 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Sept 6, 2023 15:24:20 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

y'all, I'm not sure taking my typical long weekend for my birthday was a good idea. I've been on the phone all day (typical for Wednesdays) and am still trying to dig out of my inbox b/c everybody CCs everyone and their mother, and I can't rustle up any sort of GAF right now. there's easily 500 new emails, and I was off Friday and Tuesday. oh, and the EU was hitting me up for shit on Monday b/c it's not a holiday there. 

FTR, anything I actually do/sign off on reviewing is going to be with the utmost integrity and professionalism. it's just that I can't pull together the push to really drive anything. 

FWIW I'm glad you had a good time, on your days off. And I'm glad LD is doing well. How much longer does he have to stay subdued?
Oh, and I'm glad you have Mooch to help you with your plumbing issues. I hope your pool leak is repaired soon.

we have another 7 weeks til the 10w check-in and restrictions are cleared. Punk is actually going to daycare solo tomorrow, b/c the pouty cabin fever is real today. and, since she just got groomed yesterday, the pool is closed for her. as far as the leak, it is what it is. if September cools off like it typically does, I may not refill the pool again this year. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 15:08:18 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Sept 6, 2023 14:52:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

I apologize if this comes across awkwardly, the only death I would have been anywhere close enough to need to know the burial details was my Nana. her plot was purchased when my grandfather died in the 60s, and I believe there's actually room for another two burials in the plot. was Mom buried in a single plot? is that common in your area, b/c we've got family plots around here. 

sorry for lingering stress. sending more hugs. 

I believe you can do it like your family did, but that requires planning. It didn’t even occur to me or Mister to look into that when his Mom was buried, and none of our elders suggested it.

With some folks, you’re lucky if they even have life insurance to pay for their funeral. My Grandmother planned and paid for her final expenses ahead of time, and still had small life insurance policies. AND she had a legal will. This is the Grandmother that only went to school until 4th grade, but she handled her business much better than people more educated than her.

ETA: no need for an apology ma’am! And thanks for the hugs.

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 6, 2023 14:52:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

Why would they charge an extra $400 to bury his dad next to his mother?  It doesn't cost them any more money to dig the grave.

Since I'm going to be buried in a small country cemetery in a plot my parents bought years and years ago, no cost for a plot.  The other plot I have was obtained by putting a headstone there.  I talked to the head of the cemetery board and she said they can't sell plots in that area because it's where all the people from the early 1900's are buried and there are no records.  So she gave me the go ahead for the stone because I am being cremated.

Small rural cemeteries are different than big city cemeteries.  Even in the city I'm visiting, I couldn't do the put up a headstone and it's yours.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 15:13:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 6, 2023 14:52:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

Then I'd have to point him south and send him back to you.

I hope he's OK. Offer to snatch up the brother stands. Just saying.

LOL! I appreciate that you would point him in the right direction and send him back.

He’s not ok. He’s trying to pretend he is though. 

I think I can take Brother by myself, if need be. But if I need reinforcements, I’ll let you know lol. I might need bail money instead though, for both of us, if Brother pisses Mister off too bad and favorite niece gets out of line. If she pisses Mister off, it’s going to piss me off, and since she’s a woman, I’d have to snatch her up instead of Mister doing it. I’m good with that.

Really though, I hope and pray we can get through this peacefully. 

[TheOtherMe]

I am going to visit my 90 year old cousin tomorrow afternoon.  She didn't want me to come in the morning because she stays up late and sleeps in.  

She is giving me a ceramic Christmas tree my mom made and some rag rugs my Grandma made.  I have to share the rugs and that is fine.  I am not sharing the Christmas tree.

My cousin that died in the spring died from an overdoes of meth.  That broke my heart all over again.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2023 15:08:18 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

Sept 6, 2023 14:52:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

I apologize if this comes across awkwardly, the only death I would have been anywhere close enough to need to know the burial details was my Nana. her plot was purchased when my grandfather died in the 60s, and I believe there's actually room for another two burials in the plot. was Mom buried in a single plot? is that common in your area, b/c we've got family plots around here. 

sorry for lingering stress. sending more hugs. 

I'd have to ask my dad about my maternal grandmother.  I think unless you pay to reserve upfront you get buried wherever there is a plot available.  Since you are now reserving that spot that could be taken up by someone who is having their funeral/burial sooner you need to pay to hold it.

I know here our largest cemeteries are getting pretty full and there isn't really any room for them to expand significantly so space is at a premium.   It would not be shocking if they charge accordingly if you did not preplan your plot.

My paternal grandparents bought a joint plot and it already has the tombstone so we're good there.

Mom is cremated and we plan to cremate my dad as well.   We'll probably combine them into the same urn with some divided out for us to keep/scatter.  IDK if we will intern the urn or not I suppose it depends on where we are living and what direction our lives are going by then.  My dad debates on interning my mom.  She since she's in an urn be "buried" right on top of my grandmother, it would not require buying a second plot.  Then we could get a joint tombstone for my grandparents and a marker for my mom.

[giramomma]

Sept 6, 2023 14:24:10 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Just finished private school tour.  The curriculum was everything I had hoped for and more.  Kiddo will be mad at me for a very long time if I move her though.  The price tag is also more than DH wants.  Open house at the current public school tomorrow.

This parenting thing is too hard some days.

Is there scholarship?

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 15:56:15 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sept 6, 2023 14:52:16 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

He ended up changing the funeral to next week. When we went to the cemetery this morning to pay them, we’d already been told it costs an extra $400 because he requested his Dad be buried near his Mom if possible. When we got there, the lady showed us that the plot right next to his Mom was available. We both wonder why it cost $400 for them to use a computer to see if one was available near her and use that one.

He has been out of sorts since yesterday. Forgetting where he’s going and how to get there. If not for me, he’d probably be in Kansas somewhere by now.

Why would they charge an extra $400 to bury his dad next to his mother?  It doesn't cost them any more money to dig the grave.

Since I'm going to be buried in a small country cemetery in a plot my parents bought years and years ago, no cost for a plot.  The other plot I have was obtained by putting a headstone there.  I talked to the head of the cemetery board and she said they can't sell plots in that area because it's where all the people from the early 1900's are buried and there are no records.  So she gave me the go ahead for the stone because I am being cremated.

Small rural cemeteries are different than big city cemeteries.  Even in the city I'm visiting, I couldn't do the put up a headstone and it's yours.

Idk why that cost and extra $400, but it did, and Mister paid it because he thinks his parents would’ve wanted it.

Its the same cemetery his maternal grandmother is buried and, so when he had to bury his Mom he figured if his Mom was okay with burying her Mother there, it was ok to bury her there too.

But when we were leaving there today, he said he doesn’t know why his Mom chose that cemetery for her Mom, he doesn’t like it, and told me “don’t bury me there”. I asked if he wanted to be buried in a veteran cemetery and he said “yes, so we can talk shit and tell dark humor jokes”. I said okay.

So now I know what he wants. And I already knew that if it’s important to him, he could do the paperwork to set it up for him to be buried in a veteran cemetery.

[Deleted]

Many years back DH's uncle offered him a place in the family plot at a very old cemetery here.  He declined as we will both be cremated.  We purchased a niche in the columbarium at the church we used to attend for $2,500.  For those unfamiliar with this, it's basically a place where small bronze niches (about the size of a small post office box) are placed in a wall.  This columbarium is semi-circular, made of rough stone, and surrounds a meditation garden.  The price includes engraving of names and dates on a plate fastened to the front of your box.  I do need to purchase prepaid cremation plans later this year.  There will be no service for either of us.  

[chiver78]

Sept 6, 2023 16:00:31 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 6, 2023 15:08:18 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

I apologize if this comes across awkwardly, the only death I would have been anywhere close enough to need to know the burial details was my Nana. her plot was purchased when my grandfather died in the 60s, and I believe there's actually room for another two burials in the plot. was Mom buried in a single plot? is that common in your area, b/c we've got family plots around here. 

sorry for lingering stress. sending more hugs. 

I'd have to ask my dad about my maternal grandmother.  I think unless you pay to reserve upfront you get buried wherever there is a plot available.  Since you are now reserving that spot that could be taken up by someone who is having their funeral/burial sooner you need to pay to hold it.

I know here our largest cemeteries are getting pretty full and there isn't really any room for them to expand significantly so space is at a premium.   It would not be shocking if they charge accordingly if you did not preplan your plot.

My paternal grandparents bought a joint plot and it already has the tombstone so we're good there.

Mom is cremated and we plan to cremate my dad as well.   We'll probably combine them into the same urn with some divided out for us to keep/scatter.  IDK if we will intern the urn or not I suppose it depends on where we are living and what direction our lives are going by then.  My dad debates on interning my mom.  She since she's in an urn be "buried" right on top of my grandmother, it would not require buying a second plot.  Then we could get a joint tombstone for my grandparents and a marker for my mom.

but are your plots all individual? that's a foreign concept to me, for this area. obv you *can* purchase individual, but none of my family that's buried locally is in individual spots.

I used to do the Memorial Day circuit with my mom and Nana back when I was a kid, I can't even remember the last time I saw any of those plots. I can definitely say the last time I saw hers was when I went for either her birthday or the 1y anniversary of her passing, and I was so thrown by recognizing that there wasn't a seam in the grass anymore. I keep saying I need to make a trip up there. I'm annoyed with my mom for a lot of things related to Nana, and she holds the deeds and shit for the plots. but my Nana's dates were never inscribed on the headstone. she wouldn't inscribe her birth year while she was alive, b/c she was 4y older than my grandfather. I had said I'd pay to have it done at 10y if it wasn't already done, and got a stern talking to from my dad and sister. and now with the parents still in the f'ing hotel, who knows where the paperwork is.     but next June is 20y she's been gone. and I'll figure out how to have the dates inscribed on the stone between now and then.....and I'll visit a little more often than I have, with her favorite flowers.