what are you doing right now?

[swamp]

Sept 6, 2023 9:31:29 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I so hope Mr Messy had a proper will.  

I think Mister should get the funeral with and then start dealing with finances.  

Brother needs to be told to find other housing as he can't afford to stay in it and probably can't get a mortgage.
 
Mister needs to see an estate attorney ASAP after the funeral.

He doesn't have headspace at the moment to deal with that.  He needs to bury his father first.  

Meh, it doesn't matter. 

2 kids, 2 beneficiaries of the estate.  Creditors get paid first. 

[swamp]

Sept 6, 2023 9:01:13 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:49:04 GMT -5 giramomma said:

The other thing to consider is that hospitals can come after you a good long time after a person died.

MIL got a hospital bill for her dad like 5 years after he passed, or something close to it.

Because the notice to creditors went in the paper by the lawyer and the estate was closed, she just got to ignore it.

I can't really stress seeing a lawyer enough.

My mom didn't. I'm probably betting she didn't do some things legally. I just hope it doesn't come to bite her at some point.

They need an attorney.  No way around it now.  Mother's estate wasn't dealt with properly and now Father's estate is intertwined in this mess.  Even if the estate has zero assets when everything is said and done, it has to be probated legally according to the specifics of the state law or else it will be a bigger mess than it already is.

The hospital where my parent lived was notorious for coming after estates for payments.  But, if you hire an attorney, and they follow all the legal proper notices, then there is nothing the creditors can legally do years later.  They will certainly try though.  Because of this, that particular hospital actually has an entire department devoted to watching legal notices to make estate claims during the probate process.  So they don't miss their chance to get any payment.

Somebody needs to be on the phone trying to figure out what attorney(s) in the area can handle this mess.  It's going to get worse without legal representation.

I'm going to disagree. 

Mister doesn't have to do jack shit.   Brother has a vested interest in staying in the house, driving the car, etc.  This is a Brother problem, not a Mister problem.  

[MarionTh230]

Sept 6, 2023 9:40:59 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sept 6, 2023 9:36:09 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

He needs to find out if Tennesse grants Brother tenet rights.  If Brother is not a squatter and indeed is a tenet it won't be as simple as telling him GTFO unless you can pay the mortgage.

While I personally think Mister has every right to change the locks while Brother is gone and toss all his crap onto the curb that may get him in hot water legally.

Plus Brother can contest that since he is also next of kin he has every right to keep the house. Mister needs an attorney who can strong arm Brother that if he can't buy out Mister/the creditors he has to go.

And who knows which busy body family member will decide to get involved on Brother's side.  Mister needs to make sure that booting his brother out is done 100% by the book so he doesn't end up having to pay for his brother to squat.

Correct on Tennessee law in regards to brother being a tenant.  Follow the rules and have him evicted.   

If the estate is upside down, which it sounds like it is, who pays the mortgage and other expenses.  It should not be coming out of Mister's personal funds.  

I don't know how that works but an attorney will know.

With both parents deceased now though, who inherits ownership interest of the house?  If Brother inherits any ownership it won't be so cut and dry to evict him.  I could see a scenario where he just stays there paying nothing until it's foreclosed on.  It's literally a legal nightmare at this point.  

There's no way to unwind any of this mess without an attorney.  It's a complicated mess.  At this point, an estate attorney would be more about Mister protecting himself rather than a traditional divvying up of the assets.  Since it sounds like there really are no assets.  

[swamp]

Sept 6, 2023 8:29:35 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:21:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

Only to the extent that, if one of his son's (probably Mister) is named as executor of the estate (if Mr. Messy had a will), he could get in a legal bind for not using any estate assets to pay legit bills like medical.  There's a lot of if's in this situation which is why we all keep beating the drums for an attorney

Until a court appoints him executor, Mister has no legal obligations.   He may be named in the will, but his under no obligation to accept the job.  Unless Brother has a felony, let him do it. 

[MarionTh230]

Sept 6, 2023 9:52:32 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:21:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

Bingo.  


Except at this point I wouldn't even do the estate. Brother can take care of it, or whomever does public administration work on behalf of creditors can do it. 

When my first parent died, I relinquished all my rights and my sibling inherited everything.  Which also meant my sibling was the sole executor of the estate.  Granted, our situation with that parent wasn't anything like this.  But, it may be worth it for Mister to just bow out of the entire thing and say good luck to you all.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2023 9:52:32 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:21:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

Bingo.  


Except at this point I wouldn't even do the estate. Brother can take care of it, or whomever does public administration work on behalf of creditors can do it. 

  I would run as far and fast as possible from that hot mess.  Even if his Dad had a will and he was named executor, he can always decline to serve and I would highly recommend that.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Sept 6, 2023 9:56:31 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Sept 6, 2023 9:40:59 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Correct on Tennessee law in regards to brother being a tenant.  Follow the rules and have him evicted.   

If the estate is upside down, which it sounds like it is, who pays the mortgage and other expenses.  It should not be coming out of Mister's personal funds.  

I don't know how that works but an attorney will know.

With both parents deceased now though, who inherits ownership interest of the house?  If Brother inherits any ownership it won't be so cut and dry to evict him.  I could see a scenario where he just stays there paying nothing until it's foreclosed on.  It's literally a legal nightmare at this point.  

There's no way to unwind any of this mess without an attorney.  It's a complicated mess.  At this point, an estate attorney would be more about Mister protecting himself rather than a traditional divvying up of the assets.  Since it sounds like there really are no assets.  

It's underwater.  I'd just let him have it all if he wants it. 

[lurkyloo]

Sept 6, 2023 9:52:32 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:21:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

Bingo.  


Except at this point I wouldn't even do the estate. Brother can take care of it, or whomever does public administration work on behalf of creditors can do it. 

Let Brother be the executor, just walk away and let the chips fall.  There are no net assets; there is just a giant headache and Mister doesn’t have to step up for the headache. The bank can foreclose and deal with evicting the leeches.  The car will get repossessed eventually.  Not Mister’s circus, not his monkeys.
Again, so sorry that y’all are dealing with this.

[raeoflyte]

I decided to try my hand at a sour dough starter because what better time than when the house is hot as hell. It might be working a little too well. I'm on day 2 and I think it's already doubled in size from when I split it this morning.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 6:45:49 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

That's a pretty small amount that brother is looking for at least. I'm not saying it needs to be handed over since there still might not be that once everything is paid out, but with how much he's been bringing it up I thought he'd be asking for at least $10k.

That will probably come later. 

He’s trying to figure out where the check from the settlement from the car accident went. That’s what he says their Dad told him he’d give him $2500 from. The check didn’t go anywhere. It’s in limbo because it has both parents’ name on it.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 8:16:00 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

As a side note to the discussion of Mr, Messy's estate, there may be bills coming down the road for his hospital care this year.  I don't know what kind of supplemental insurance he might had to cover what Medicare didn't.  Bills like that would, of course, come out of the estate, not the life insurance nor the 401K which should pass to the named beneficiary.  Hopefully that beneficiary is not Mom, which would really complicate things.  And there is the little issue of the deed interest that Mom had in her sister's house which  passed upon Mom's death to somebody?  I don't know if the will found on Mom's device was considered legal under TN law or not.  

We are sure it isn’t considered legal.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 6, 2023 9:31:29 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I so hope Mr Messy had a proper will.  

I think Mister should get the funeral with and then start dealing with finances.  

Brother needs to be told to find other housing as he can't afford to stay in it and probably can't get a mortgage.
 
Mister needs to see an estate attorney ASAP after the funeral.

He doesn't have headspace at the moment to deal with that.  He needs to bury his father first.  

Mr. Messy did not have a will.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2023 10:18:53 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 6, 2023 9:31:29 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I so hope Mr Messy had a proper will.  

I think Mister should get the funeral with and then start dealing with finances.  

Brother needs to be told to find other housing as he can't afford to stay in it and probably can't get a mortgage.
 
Mister needs to see an estate attorney ASAP after the funeral.

He doesn't have headspace at the moment to deal with that.  He needs to bury his father first.  

Mr. Messy did not have a will.

That makes things even easier for Mister to walk away from.  Let brother fight for the house and the car.  Don't contribute one thin dime to anything related to the estate.

He can still refuse even if there is a will but based on how you have talked about Mister I could see him feeling psychological pressure to honor his dad's wishes if there was an actual will.

Mister needs to put his own oxygen mask on.  I would still consult with an attorney just to cover his ass and go over his actual rights because a lot of people don't know these things and end up getting themselves in trouble out of either fear or an overdeveloped sense of duty/obligation to "what's right".

[daisylu]

Sept 6, 2023 10:21:38 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 6, 2023 10:18:53 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mr. Messy did not have a will.

That makes things even easier for Mister to walk away from.  Let brother fight for the house and the car.  Don't contribute one thin dime to anything related to the estate.

He can still refuse even if there is a will but based on how you have talked about Mister I could see him feeling psychological pressure to honor his dad's wishes if there was an actual will.

Mister needs to put his own oxygen mask on.  I would still consult with an attorney just to cover his ass and go over his actual rights because a lot of people don't know these things and end up getting themselves in trouble out of either fear or an overdeveloped sense of duty/obligation to "what's right".

  I know emotions run high at times like this, but it really needs to be looked at as a business decision.

[toomuchreality]

Sept 6, 2023 10:12:45 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 6, 2023 6:45:49 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

That's a pretty small amount that brother is looking for at least. I'm not saying it needs to be handed over since there still might not be that once everything is paid out, but with how much he's been bringing it up I thought he'd be asking for at least $10k.

That will probably come later. 

He’s trying to figure out where the check from the settlement from the car accident went. That’s what he says their Dad told him he’d give him $2500 from. The check didn’t go anywhere. It’s in limbo because it has both parents’ name on it.

The first house DH1 and I bought, turned out to be in both his aunt and uncle's names. His aunt was deceased. What a mess that turned out to be. Luckily, it was figured out. But it wasn't done quickly.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 6, 2023 10:03:02 GMT -5 minnesotapaintlady said:

Sept 6, 2023 9:56:31 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

With both parents deceased now though, who inherits ownership interest of the house?  If Brother inherits any ownership it won't be so cut and dry to evict him.  I could see a scenario where he just stays there paying nothing until it's foreclosed on.  It's literally a legal nightmare at this point.  

There's no way to unwind any of this mess without an attorney.  It's a complicated mess.  At this point, an estate attorney would be more about Mister protecting himself rather than a traditional divvying up of the assets.  Since it sounds like there really are no assets.  

It's underwater.  I'd just let him have it all if he wants it. 

But is the house underwater?  I seem to remember Pink Cashmere mentioning that there was about $40k equity in the house.  This was back when mom died and Messy’s finances were all screwed up.  Mister took care of that and got it all straightened out.  

The car needs to go back to the dealer ASAP.  I’m assuming that since Messy died, both the car loan and insurance have stopped being paid.  If brother gets in an accident in the car that he was driving and has no insurance, this is going to turn into an even bigger mess.  

[andi9899]

I drove by the MO townhouse yesterday. It's nice and it's gated, but I'm on the fence about the area. It's next to the plaza, which is a pretty busy area. The neighborhood is nicer than mine, but not really what I was looking for. There is another townhouse in an area (KS) that I would be interested in, but it's $250 more per month, and the MO property was already $300 more than what I pay now. I think I'll take T2 by both this weekend and see what she thinks.

I am going to look at another house today. It's OK from the looks of it. The guy in charge of it was super nice and said the dogs were OK. Hopefully it's a good one. It looks decent by the pictures.

[wvugurl26]

Mister can definitely decline. My grandma's will named my uncle first and my dad as alternate. The three of us made an appointment and took her will to the probate court office. They said we decline and they named me.

This has big mess and years to untangle written all over it. Since the mom's estate was never properly settled that has to be done first and any money left there folded into Mr Messy's estate then that one has to be dealt with.

And states can have weird rules about what happens if you die without a will. DH and I need to go get wills. In our state, without a will and no children a portion of our estate and not a small one would go to our surviving parents. Each state is different.

[daisylu]

Sept 6, 2023 11:20:33 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I drove by the MO townhouse yesterday. It's nice and it's gated, but I'm on the fence about the area. It's next to the plaza, which is a pretty busy area. The neighborhood is nicer than mine, but not really what I was looking for. There is another townhouse in an area (KS) that I would be interested in, but it's $250 more per month, and the MO property was already $300 more than what I pay now. I think I'll take T2 by both this weekend and see what she thinks.

I am going to look at another house today. It's OK from the looks of it. The guy in charge of it was super nice and said the dogs were OK. Hopefully it's a good one. It looks decent by the pictures.

I meant to comment on your plans on checking out KC on the other side of the border the other day. I remember you mentioning about not changing residency stuff and going by your mom's address. I know nothing about the area and you likely know a lot more than I do, but wouldn't you have to change your license plates at least? I ask because I moved just across the border from WV to VA when I got married and a neighbor "joked" that he could turn me in for having out of state tags after a certain amount of time. 

[andi9899]

Why is Macy so difficult today! She won't listen to anything I tell her!

[toomuchreality]

Sept 6, 2023 11:34:59 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Why is Macy so difficult today! She won't listen to anything I tell her!

Because she's a teen and doesn't have to? 🤔

[TheOtherMe]

Pink and Mister        

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 11:28:48 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Sept 6, 2023 11:20:33 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

I drove by the MO townhouse yesterday. It's nice and it's gated, but I'm on the fence about the area. It's next to the plaza, which is a pretty busy area. The neighborhood is nicer than mine, but not really what I was looking for. There is another townhouse in an area (KS) that I would be interested in, but it's $250 more per month, and the MO property was already $300 more than what I pay now. I think I'll take T2 by both this weekend and see what she thinks.

I am going to look at another house today. It's OK from the looks of it. The guy in charge of it was super nice and said the dogs were OK. Hopefully it's a good one. It looks decent by the pictures.

I meant to comment on your plans on checking out KC on the other side of the border the other day. I remember you mentioning about not changing residency stuff and going by your mom's address. I know nothing about the area and you likely know a lot more than I do, but wouldn't you have to change your license plates at least? I ask because I moved just across the border from WV to VA when I got married and a neighbor "joked" that he could turn me in for having out of state tags after a certain amount of time. 

Technically you're supposed to, but who would report me? And even if they did, I would have a lot of paperwork showing that I lived at my parents house. Also, at the end of the day, KCPD has bigger fish to fry. They wouldn't even bother with looking into it.

ETA: T1 hasn't lived with me for years. Her driver's license and all her other paperwork says she lives at my house. She just takes her mail with her whenever she comes over.

[Empire the P.A.]

I am trying to work on decluttering my freezer and had 2 lbs of ground beef that I wanted to use up. So now I have a big pot of chili simmering on the stove. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I wish I could get paid by my grandma's estate but their won't be one.  I have my first meeting with the Medcaid lady after I get off work on Friday.  I have homework I have to do.  And that likely won't be the last of it.  Then when it is all done it can take up to 3 months to get approved I can't wait for the nursing home to harass me about it even though by law they have to wait to see if she gets approved.

I hope Mister gets every penny that is rightfully his.  Brother doesn't deserve anything.

Which feels like it sounds greedy but I don't consider expecting what you are owed for bending over backwards till you damn near snap (and let's be honest I have and I wouldn't be surprised if Mister hasn't already either) to be greedy.  It's about simple respect and recognition of all the crap you get hurled on you for being responsible and having to do shit you shouldn't be having to do if the other party had any thought past mooching off you.

[raeoflyte]

Sept 6, 2023 10:11:12 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I decided to try my hand at a sour dough starter because what better time than when the house is hot as hell. It might be working a little too well. I'm on day 2 and I think it's already doubled in size from when I split it this morning.

Definitely doubling at an expedited pace. It's about to overtake the 1 quart jar. I'm moving it to something bigger but this could get out of hand.

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 12:58:17 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I wish I could get paid by my grandma's estate but their won't be one.  I have my first meeting with the Medcaid lady after I get off work on Friday.  I have homework I have to do.  And that likely won't be the last of it.  Then when it is all done it can take up to 3 months to get approved I can't wait for the nursing home to harass me about it even though by law they have to wait to see if she gets approved.

I hope Mister gets every penny that is rightfully his.  Brother doesn't deserve anything.

Which feels like it sounds greedy but I don't consider expecting what you are owed for bending over backwards till you damn near snap (and let's be honest I have and I wouldn't be surprised if Mister hasn't already either) to be greedy.  It's about simple respect and recognition of all the crap you get hurled on you for being responsible and having to do shit you shouldn't be having to do if the other party had any thought past mooching off you.

Yep! When my uncle died a couple of years ago his son paid the bills until they could sell his house. Once everything was settled and the house was sold, he got his money back. The rest was spent 6 ways between them. They probably didn't get much of anything since he was up to his eyeballs in debt. They gave back what they could and kept the three houses he had which were all in worse shape than mine and located in the same hood.

[daisylu]

Sept 6, 2023 12:52:57 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 6, 2023 11:28:48 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I meant to comment on your plans on checking out KC on the other side of the border the other day. I remember you mentioning about not changing residency stuff and going by your mom's address. I know nothing about the area and you likely know a lot more than I do, but wouldn't you have to change your license plates at least? I ask because I moved just across the border from WV to VA when I got married and a neighbor "joked" that he could turn me in for having out of state tags after a certain amount of time. 

Technically you're supposed to, but who would report me? And even if they did, I would have a lot of paperwork showing that I lived at my parents house. Also, at the end of the day, KCPD has bigger fish to fry. They wouldn't even bother with looking into it.

ETA: T1 hasn't lived with me for years. Her driver's license and all her other paperwork says she lives at my house. She just takes her mail with her whenever she comes over.

Here it is a major violation because of personal property taxes. Like I said, anyone in the neighborhood could report and that puts you (collective you) in the scope. And the government will make sure that they get theirs. 

[giramomma]

Well, today doesn't disappoint.

I got two job rejections.

One was spaghetti on the wall, so not concerned about that. This was one that didn't stick. Others do. There is no rhyme or reason.

One was for the first interview I took 3 weeks ago, where they ghosted me.

They didn't ask for what they wanted, and they didn't follow through with communicating with me.

If you can''t be bothered to follow through when you say "we don't want to leave you hanging, we'll let you know by the end of the week." Then I'm not sure I want to work for you.

The one I'm waiting on...the person thanked me for writing a thank you follow up email after the interview. I hope that is a good sign.

My MIL has a saying whenever someone sells a house. It just takes one to get to that good fit. Of course, it's a lot to wade through to get to that one, sometimes.

There's one more job I should apply for.

[daisylu]

Sept 6, 2023 13:16:50 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Well, today doesn't disappoint.

I got two job rejections.

One was spaghetti on the wall, so not concerned about that. This was one that didn't stick. Others do. There is no rhyme or reason.

One was for the first interview I took 3 weeks ago, where they ghosted me.

They didn't ask for what they wanted, and they didn't follow through with communicating with me.

If you can''t be bothered to follow through when you say "we don't want to leave you hanging, we'll let you know by the end of the week." Then I'm not sure I want to work for you.

The one I'm waiting on...the person thanked me for writing a thank you follow up email after the interview. I hope that is a good sign.

My MIL has a saying whenever someone sells a house. It just takes one to get to that good fit. Of course, it's a lot to wade through to get to that one, sometimes.

There's one more job I should apply for.