what are you doing right now?

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Sept 5, 2023 20:17:23 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 5, 2023 19:42:54 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

There's a lot to process here, both good and not so good.  I'm glad you went to the funeral home to make arrangements.  I think Friday is a good time for the service.  Sort of funny how Brother knew about Dad's insurance policy while he was supposedly too grief stricken to have any concern about his mother's business or really help his dad in any meaningful way. Until he suddenly had concerns about his mom's life insurance.  Which coverage was supposed to reimburse Mister for the $3,000 extra he fronted for his mother's service.  Don't know where the mortgage payments on Dad's house, and the utility bills are coming from, but hope it's not Mister's pockets.  Brother wants to continue living the good life in the backyard, fine.  He can pony up the monthly costs and mow the yard too.  

It’s *funny* how Brother knew the amount of the life insurance policy, to me too, since Mister thought it was only $10k.

Mister has not been reimbursed for the $3k he spent to bury his Mom. When his Dad got the checks from her life insurance policies, Mister did not insist on being reimbursed, because he was afraid it would look crazy.

The mortgage, utilities, his car payment and insurance, have all been paid with Dad’s income, once Mister got everything straightened out and caught up. 

Mister is the beneficiary on his Dad’s life insurance policy. Since Brother keeps wanting to talk about money, I warned Mister to tread carefully with sharing it with his brother. Imo, Mister should take off the top what he spent to bury his Mom, and what he’s spending now for his Dad’s final expenses, before sharing the proceeds with his brother is even an option. I didn’t think about it until now, but he should also include the costs of settling their estates. And before he gives his brother anything, they need to figure out what they’re going to do with the house, because the costs of Brother staying there for a few more months should factor into the decisions. 

But that’s just me and how I think.

I agree with this, and I hope Mister does too. He needs to be made whole and remember his dad did not list his brother as a beneficiary when he absolutely could have. Figuring out the house is the next big issue after the funeral. I hope Mister is taking his bereavement leave from work.

[finnime]

Good morning and welcome to Wednesday, warrior invisipeeps, fighting the good fight. I hope your day unrolls smoothly and all your work is productive.

We are going to go seal watching today as well as (most likely) having the hot water heater replaced. I trust our handyman/contractor to do what needs to be done while we're out if it comes to that.  Plus he'll clean up and make sure that cats don't escape.

It will be fun to see the seals, I agree with you all who commented. This is a boat that leaves from the Cape. Boat rides are always a treat, too.

This is yesterday's sunrise over the cove. The most interesting images are created by the sun moving in and out of clouds.

[NastyWoman]

Sept 5, 2023 21:14:09 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

As executor, Mister will be entitled to reimburse himself for the funeral expenses.  

I feel bad for Mister but I know you are there for him.

He needs time to process this.  It's a lot to deal with in such a short amount of time.

Correct but if I am not mistaken that reimbursement comes from the estate, not from the life insurance. That money is now Mister's separate property and not part of the estate. Mister should not be paying bills with that money since it sounds like most of the estate is underwater (car, house) and once you have paid a bill with your own money good luck getting that back. I don't know sho said it but getting  lawyer involved sounds like a very good idea right now.

ETA: I forgot to mention it but  get that bloody car that was too expensive for Mr. Messy back to where it came from as soon as possible. If brother insists on keeping it tell him he is welcome to it but HE will be paying for it.

[giramomma]

Oh look. I'm up. Working.

Instead of SSDD, it's ADASS (another day, another shit show)

We'll see what surprises find me today.

[raeoflyte]

That's a pretty small amount that brother is looking for at least. I'm not saying it needs to be handed over since there still might not be that once everything is paid out, but with how much he's been bringing it up I thought he'd be asking for at least $10k.

[daisylu]

Working since 6. Unsurprisingly, throwing myself into work.

[minnesotapaintlady]

Feeling grateful this heat has finally broke!   Carrot has a field trip to a state park all day and it would have been utterly miserable had the weather still been like it was the past 4 days.

[raeoflyte]

Still waiting on the final word, but I fully expect the work changes to be made this month. I registered my "business" with the secretary of state and got an ein #. I'll shop for surety bond and e&o ins today, price out docusign options, a work fax and possibly a work phone #, and a business checking account.

Dh and I decided that we'll just wipe his info and profile off of the laptop we just bought this year and I'll use that instead of buying a new one at the moment. He has a very nice chrome book that he bought to use at his job, and he really doesn't need more than a chromebook for the stuff he does.

On side gig stuff I just finished house/pet sitting for free for BFF which I do a couple times a year but I'm going to exact payment of a glowing review for my Rover account so I can hopefully build up some nearby clients. I'll pester dsis and her roommate for reviews as well since I pet sat for them for free when they went to Disney last year.

I hope that we can make the change and hit the ground running, but it could take a while before we really have money coming in.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 5, 2023 22:47:22 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 5, 2023 21:09:50 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

If baby sister lives so far that a plane is necessary, she should be able to get a bereavement rate at an airline. If it's a several hour car ride, she better get on the road.

Mister needs to subtract the money he has paid towards any bills/funerals he's paid for before he settles any funds with brother. It's only fair. Any agreement made with Mister Messy is now null and void. Just my opinion which is worth what you paid for it.

Mister is procrastinating about going to bed, and playing on the Internet, so I can keep talking lol.

It has been said that if getting here in time for the funeral was so important to Baby Sister, she could fly in, instead of driving, which she prefers. She and her husband are retired, which makes things easier than people that have to take time off work. It seems that money is not the issue with them flying here for the funeral.

But none of that is my business. My business is supporting Mister with whatever decisions he makes that he feels are best for him. If that means having the funeral Friday, regardless of what some of his family members feel about it, and how they can or can not get here in time for the funeral, I understand it’s short notice and there will be no hard feelings if they can’t get here in time. 

I don’t think Mister even really cares about who comes to the funeral or not. He just wants it over and done with, so he can move on and deal with the aftermath. His Aunt D understands that, and has said that she will “snatch up” anybody that needs to be dealt with. She doesn’t realize yet that she’d have to stand in line, because I’m very protective of Mister myself, when it comes to unnecessary bullshit from other people. I guess if people go too far she and I both might need bail money lol.

Anyway, I’ve been told here that the beneficiaries of life insurance policies can do whatever they want with the money. I don’t see Mister just leaving his brother out, and not sharing the proceeds with him, but I encourage him to subtract what he’s spent before he shares anything with his brother, and keep in mind the ongoing costs of his brother living in his parents’ house until they decide what to do with it, before giving his brother a lump sum of money.

Meaning, don’t give his brother some thousands of dollars, and still keep paying all the expenses related to their parents’ home that Brother lives in, after there is no more income from their Dad to pay for those things. 

Brother keeps wanting to talk about money and what their parents had as far as life insurance or whatever, so I feel like Mister should put all of it on the table, so Brother understands that after everything is settled, there is no money dammit. Yes, Mister learned today that his Dad had life insurance in an amount that was more than he thought, and Brother was correct about the amount, but it’s still not a lot of money. 

Brother is sweating  Mister about $2500, that he says their Dad promised him, which is less than Mister paid to bury their Mom, and a lot less than it is costing to have their Dad’s funeral and bury him. 

$2500 is not enough to cover ONE month of the expenses for the shit Brother has use of, living in their parent’s house with all the associated expenses and driving their Dad’s vehicle.

It is  really pissing me off that Brother even keeps talking about money.

Brother can go f*ck a duck.   He should count his blessing that Mister didn't start eviction proceedings five minutes after they declared Mr. Messy deceased.

If there is no paperwork Mister doesn't owe his brother shit.  And I don't consider that the least bit unethical or dishonest or dirty.  Brother has received far more than his fair share over the course of all this while Mister has been left holding the bag. Brother leveraged the shit out of the situation to his advantage while Mister was getting trash cans swung at his head and his dad pooping on the floor.

Fuck his brother.  Mister should take every single dime he is owed and if there is nothing left for brother.  Oh well.


OOoh I am so mad for Mister that I'm willing to come down there with an actual 2x4 if he needs help throwing hands.

[Deleted]

As a side note to the discussion of Mr, Messy's estate, there may be bills coming down the road for his hospital care this year.  I don't know what kind of supplemental insurance he might had to cover what Medicare didn't.  Bills like that would, of course, come out of the estate, not the life insurance nor the 401K which should pass to the named beneficiary.  Hopefully that beneficiary is not Mom, which would really complicate things.  And there is the little issue of the deed interest that Mom had in her sister's house which  passed upon Mom's death to somebody?  I don't know if the will found on Mom's device was considered legal under TN law or not.  

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 8:02:32 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 5, 2023 22:47:22 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mister is procrastinating about going to bed, and playing on the Internet, so I can keep talking lol.

It has been said that if getting here in time for the funeral was so important to Baby Sister, she could fly in, instead of driving, which she prefers. She and her husband are retired, which makes things easier than people that have to take time off work. It seems that money is not the issue with them flying here for the funeral.

But none of that is my business. My business is supporting Mister with whatever decisions he makes that he feels are best for him. If that means having the funeral Friday, regardless of what some of his family members feel about it, and how they can or can not get here in time for the funeral, I understand it’s short notice and there will be no hard feelings if they can’t get here in time. 

I don’t think Mister even really cares about who comes to the funeral or not. He just wants it over and done with, so he can move on and deal with the aftermath. His Aunt D understands that, and has said that she will “snatch up” anybody that needs to be dealt with. She doesn’t realize yet that she’d have to stand in line, because I’m very protective of Mister myself, when it comes to unnecessary bullshit from other people. I guess if people go too far she and I both might need bail money lol.

Anyway, I’ve been told here that the beneficiaries of life insurance policies can do whatever they want with the money. I don’t see Mister just leaving his brother out, and not sharing the proceeds with him, but I encourage him to subtract what he’s spent before he shares anything with his brother, and keep in mind the ongoing costs of his brother living in his parents’ house until they decide what to do with it, before giving his brother a lump sum of money.

Meaning, don’t give his brother some thousands of dollars, and still keep paying all the expenses related to their parents’ home that Brother lives in, after there is no more income from their Dad to pay for those things. 

Brother keeps wanting to talk about money and what their parents had as far as life insurance or whatever, so I feel like Mister should put all of it on the table, so Brother understands that after everything is settled, there is no money dammit. Yes, Mister learned today that his Dad had life insurance in an amount that was more than he thought, and Brother was correct about the amount, but it’s still not a lot of money. 

Brother is sweating  Mister about $2500, that he says their Dad promised him, which is less than Mister paid to bury their Mom, and a lot less than it is costing to have their Dad’s funeral and bury him. 

$2500 is not enough to cover ONE month of the expenses for the shit Brother has use of, living in their parent’s house with all the associated expenses and driving their Dad’s vehicle.

It is  really pissing me off that Brother even keeps talking about money.

Brother can go f*ck a duck.   He should count his blessing that Mister didn't start eviction proceedings five minutes after they declared Mr. Messy deceased.

If there is no paperwork Mister doesn't owe his brother shit.  And I don't consider that the least bit unethical or dishonest or dirty.  Brother has received far more than his fair share over the course of all this while Mister has been left holding the bag. Brother leveraged the shit out of the situation to his advantage while Mister was getting trash cans swung at his head and his dad pooping on the floor.

Fuck his brother.  Mister should take every single dime he is owed and if there is nothing left for brother.  Oh well.


OOoh I am so mad for Mister that I'm willing to come down there with an actual 2x4 if he needs help throwing hands.

I'll meet you at the airport.

[andi9899]

Sept 6, 2023 8:16:00 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

As a side note to the discussion of Mr, Messy's estate, there may be bills coming down the road for his hospital care this year.  I don't know what kind of supplemental insurance he might had to cover what Medicare didn't.  Bills like that would, of course, come out of the estate, not the life insurance nor the 401K which should pass to the named beneficiary.  Hopefully that beneficiary is not Mom, which would really complicate things.  And there is the little issue of the deed interest that Mom had in her sister's house which  passed upon Mom's death to somebody?  I don't know if the will found on Mom's device was considered legal under TN law or not.  

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

[Deleted]

Sept 6, 2023 8:21:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:16:00 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

As a side note to the discussion of Mr, Messy's estate, there may be bills coming down the road for his hospital care this year.  I don't know what kind of supplemental insurance he might had to cover what Medicare didn't.  Bills like that would, of course, come out of the estate, not the life insurance nor the 401K which should pass to the named beneficiary.  Hopefully that beneficiary is not Mom, which would really complicate things.  And there is the little issue of the deed interest that Mom had in her sister's house which  passed upon Mom's death to somebody?  I don't know if the will found on Mom's device was considered legal under TN law or not.  

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

Only to the extent that, if one of his son's (probably Mister) is named as executor of the estate (if Mr. Messy had a will), he could get in a legal bind for not using any estate assets to pay legit bills like medical.  There's a lot of if's in this situation which is why we all keep beating the drums for an attorney

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2023 8:29:35 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:21:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

Only to the extent that, if one of his son's (probably Mister) is named as executor of the estate (if Mr. Messy had a will), he could get in a legal bind for not using any estate assets to pay legit bills like medical.  There's a lot of if's in this situation which is why we all keep beating the drums for an attorney

If there is no money in the estate there is no money in the estate.  If the house is underwater first dibs go to the mortgage holder.  If the car is underwater which I believe it is that will be repossessed by whoever holds the loan.

There is a ranking when it comes to collecting debts from the estate.  I remember that whoever holds titles/liens on major assets are first on the list to be repaid if there is any money to be collected.

Hospitals tend to get shoved to the back of the line along with credit cards.   The latter two get whatever is leftover if there is anything.

Doesn't mean they won't harass Mister or any other family member they can think of.  The credit card companies went so far as to call first/second cousins trying to guilt/scare someone into paying for my maternal grandma.   Credit card companies and hospitals count on you not knowing that you aren't personally liable.  And good luck getting your money back after you clue in.

Unless Mister signed something stating he would be the responsible party if there is no money after the major assets are dealt with the hospital has to eat the costs minus whatever insurance paid out.

Right now the hospital would be the LAST thing on my list of priorities if I was Mister.   

[NoNamePerson]

Sept 6, 2023 8:21:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:16:00 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

As a side note to the discussion of Mr, Messy's estate, there may be bills coming down the road for his hospital care this year.  I don't know what kind of supplemental insurance he might had to cover what Medicare didn't.  Bills like that would, of course, come out of the estate, not the life insurance nor the 401K which should pass to the named beneficiary.  Hopefully that beneficiary is not Mom, which would really complicate things.  And there is the little issue of the deed interest that Mom had in her sister's house which  passed upon Mom's death to somebody?  I don't know if the will found on Mom's device was considered legal under TN law or not.  

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

They can try. I know this is a serious subject but had to LOL due to experience with a Dr. of my mothers. Kept getting bill from Doc and it was a small amount but I knew I had cleared up every thing on mothers side. She was in nursing home when died. I ignored bill at first thinking it had crossed paths insurance and let it slide. One day got notice of going to collection. I called doc office (back in days when they basically did their own billing or you could talk to someone)

I asked lady I talked to about the bill and asked what this charge was for? Just coding on bill I didn't understand. She said she would get back to me.

She did call me back: Lady: The service was for blood drawn sometime late January (don't remember date since back in 96) 

Me: Well I hope it was a long needle since buried her first week in January. And the bill was from the Doc who signed her death certificate.

Lady: Oh dear, maybe it was a patient with a similar name.

Me: Well, I hope you aren't treating her for what my mother was tentatively diagnosed as having.

But I wonder how many small bills are sent out and people are stressed enough and just go ahead and pay it? The bookkeepers brain kicked into gear with me since I had a folder full of everything since moving my mother here. And I knew everything had been cleared up/paid, etc. I still have that folder in a box somewhere 


 

[giramomma]

The other thing to consider is that hospitals can come after you a good long time after a person died.

MIL got a hospital bill for her dad like 5 years after he passed, or something close to it.

Because the notice to creditors went in the paper by the lawyer and the estate was closed, she just got to ignore it.

I can't really stress seeing a lawyer enough.

My mom didn't. I'm probably betting she didn't do some things legally. I just hope it doesn't come to bite her at some point.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2023 8:21:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:16:00 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

As a side note to the discussion of Mr, Messy's estate, there may be bills coming down the road for his hospital care this year.  I don't know what kind of supplemental insurance he might had to cover what Medicare didn't.  Bills like that would, of course, come out of the estate, not the life insurance nor the 401K which should pass to the named beneficiary.  Hopefully that beneficiary is not Mom, which would really complicate things.  And there is the little issue of the deed interest that Mom had in her sister's house which  passed upon Mom's death to somebody?  I don't know if the will found on Mom's device was considered legal under TN law or not.  

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

I feel that way about my grandma's current prescription bill that I sometimes pay late.  Oh no what are they going to do ding an 87 year old nursing home patient's credit score?  Guess you can't buy that new car grandma!   

I do make sure to pay it of course I am not intentionally ignoring it but I got so much going on in my life that sweating bullets over making sure I get it in on the exact due date is not high on my list.

The nursing home bill itself is a different story.

[MarionTh230]

Sept 6, 2023 8:49:04 GMT -5 giramomma said:

The other thing to consider is that hospitals can come after you a good long time after a person died.

MIL got a hospital bill for her dad like 5 years after he passed, or something close to it.

Because the notice to creditors went in the paper by the lawyer and the estate was closed, she just got to ignore it.

I can't really stress seeing a lawyer enough.

My mom didn't. I'm probably betting she didn't do some things legally. I just hope it doesn't come to bite her at some point.

They need an attorney.  No way around it now.  Mother's estate wasn't dealt with properly and now Father's estate is intertwined in this mess.  Even if the estate has zero assets when everything is said and done, it has to be probated legally according to the specifics of the state law or else it will be a bigger mess than it already is.

The hospital where my parent lived was notorious for coming after estates for payments.  But, if you hire an attorney, and they follow all the legal proper notices, then there is nothing the creditors can legally do years later.  They will certainly try though.  Because of this, that particular hospital actually has an entire department devoted to watching legal notices to make estate claims during the probate process.  So they don't miss their chance to get any payment.

Somebody needs to be on the phone trying to figure out what attorney(s) in the area can handle this mess.  It's going to get worse without legal representation.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2023 8:49:04 GMT -5 giramomma said:

The other thing to consider is that hospitals can come after you a good long time after a person died.

MIL got a hospital bill for her dad like 5 years after he passed, or something close to it.

Because the notice to creditors went in the paper by the lawyer and the estate was closed, she just got to ignore it.

I can't really stress seeing a lawyer enough.

My mom didn't. I'm probably betting she didn't do some things legally. I just hope it doesn't come to bite her at some point.

Fun tidbit on medical bills I learned when CHI kept screwing up a bill.  If they don't file with your insurance properly in X amount of time I think it was 6 months then the hospital has to eat the entire bill.  They can't make you pay for it because they screwed up.

They had to eat an $8k MRI bill because they couldn't figure out our insurance was through Nebraska not Iowa.  Which was so stupid considering it said it right on our card.  That and the fact that they are Nebraska based and a large part of the population of CB works in Omaha.  You'd think someone would have consider if Iowa keeps kicking it back maybe this person works in Omaha so we should file with Nebraska.

I still haven't seen a bill or an insurance statement from sexual harassment doctor.   Even if I do see one go ahead and send me to collections over that one.  It'll be a cold day in hell before I pay that guy.

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 6, 2023 4:24:27 GMT -5 NastyWoman said:

Sept 5, 2023 21:14:09 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

As executor, Mister will be entitled to reimburse himself for the funeral expenses.  

I feel bad for Mister but I know you are there for him.

He needs time to process this.  It's a lot to deal with in such a short amount of time.

Correct but if I am not mistaken that reimbursement comes from the estate, not from the life insurance. That money is now Mister's separate property and not part of the estate. Mister should not be paying bills with that money since it sounds like most of the estate is underwater (car, house) and once you have paid a bill with your own money good luck getting that back. I don't know sho said it but getting  lawyer involved sounds like a very good idea right now.

ETA: I forgot to mention it but  get that bloody car that was too expensive for Mr. Messy back to where it came from as soon as possible. If brother insists on keeping it tell him he is welcome to it but HE will be paying for it.

While my mind was working overtime last night when I went to bed, I remembered the life insurance proceeds are outside of the estate.  Since brother was not a named beneficiary, he is not entitled to one penny of the life insurance.

[toomuchreality]

Sept 6, 2023 7:49:55 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Still waiting on the final word, but I fully expect the work changes to be made this month. I registered my "business" with the secretary of state and got an ein #. I'll shop for surety bond and e&o ins today, price out docusign options, a work fax and possibly a work phone #, and a business checking account.

Dh and I decided that we'll just wipe his info and profile off of the laptop we just bought this year and I'll use that instead of buying a new one at the moment. He has a very nice chrome book that he bought to use at his job, and he really doesn't need more than a chromebook for the stuff he does.

On side gig stuff I just finished house/pet sitting for free for BFF which I do a couple times a year but I'm going to exact payment of a glowing review for my Rover account so I can hopefully build up some nearby clients. I'll pester dsis and her roommate for reviews as well since I pet sat for them for free when they went to Disney last year.

I hope that we can make the change and hit the ground running, but it could take a while before we really have money coming in.

Good luck! I hope it goes well for you.

[TheOtherMe]

I so hope Mr Messy had a proper will.  

I think Mister should get the funeral with and then start dealing with finances.  

Brother needs to be told to find other housing as he can't afford to stay in it and probably can't get a mortgage.
 
Mister needs to see an estate attorney ASAP after the funeral.

He doesn't have headspace at the moment to deal with that.  He needs to bury his father first.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2023 9:31:29 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I so hope Mr Messy had a proper will.  

I think Mister should get the funeral with and then start dealing with finances.  

Brother needs to be told to find other housing as he can't afford to stay in it and probably can't get a mortgage.
 
Mister needs to see an estate attorney ASAP after the funeral.

He doesn't have headspace at the moment to deal with that.  He needs to bury his father first.  

He needs to find out if Tennesse grants Brother tenet rights.  If Brother is not a squatter and indeed is a tenet it won't be as simple as telling him GTFO unless you can pay the mortgage.

While I personally think Mister has every right to change the locks while Brother is gone and toss all his crap onto the curb that may get him in hot water legally.

Plus Brother can contest that since he is also next of kin he has every right to keep the house. Mister needs an attorney who can strong arm Brother that if he can't buy out Mister/the creditors he has to go.

And who knows which busy body family member will decide to get involved on Brother's side.  Mister needs to make sure that booting his brother out is done 100% by the book so he doesn't end up having to pay for his brother to squat.

[TheOtherMe]

I'm off to the courthouse to pick up what I left for yesterday.  The price has gone done from the last time I did this.  Instead of $5 per copy, it is 25 cents.  The other courthouse I went to yesterday was free instead of $5.  

Then I am going to visit my grandparents.  Both sides are in the same cemetery.  My grandpa made sure his plot was on the upper level of a hill because he didn't want to be laying in water.  
a
The things people consider when doing things for when they are deceased.  

The headstone for the cousin who died in the spring is not up yet.  I did contact his brother to see if he could contact the son who is the executor to cash the donation check I sent to the cemetery.  He is going to contact his wife as she is much more responsible.  He would know.  I have never met her.

[TheOtherMe]

Sept 6, 2023 9:36:09 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Sept 6, 2023 9:31:29 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

I so hope Mr Messy had a proper will.  

I think Mister should get the funeral with and then start dealing with finances.  

Brother needs to be told to find other housing as he can't afford to stay in it and probably can't get a mortgage.
 
Mister needs to see an estate attorney ASAP after the funeral.

He doesn't have headspace at the moment to deal with that.  He needs to bury his father first.  

He needs to find out if Tennesse grants Brother tenet rights.  If Brother is not a squatter and indeed is a tenet it won't be as simple as telling him GTFO unless you can pay the mortgage.

While I personally think Mister has every right to change the locks while Brother is gone and toss all his crap onto the curb that may get him in hot water legally.

Plus Brother can contest that since he is also next of kin he has every right to keep the house. Mister needs an attorney who can strong arm Brother that if he can't buy out Mister/the creditors he has to go.

And who knows which busy body family member will decide to get involved on Brother's side.  Mister needs to make sure that booting his brother out is done 100% by the book so he doesn't end up having to pay for his brother to squat.

Correct on Tennessee law in regards to brother being a tenant.  Follow the rules and have him evicted.   

If the estate is upside down, which it sounds like it is, who pays the mortgage and other expenses.  It should not be coming out of Mister's personal funds.  

I don't know how that works but an attorney will know.

[toomuchreality]

So many big hugs for you and Mister, pink. 💕

[swamp]

Sept 5, 2023 19:15:33 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

We went to the funeral home today. Aunt D and her husband met us there. Mister said he wanted the funeral asap. So they scheduled it for Friday. I felt like that was really quick, because it is customary to give people time to come from out of town. But Mister said he wanted it asap, so I didn’t say anything. 

Aunt D’s husband ended up asking what the difference in cost would be, paying out of pocket vs using life insurance. He apologized to Mister for interjecting, and said it was just business. Mister had no problem with it. That led to chipping away at $2k of the services provided, and just paying OOP. When we got that total, Aunt D’s husband asked Mister if he had it, and Mister said yes.

I got the feeling that Aunt D’s husband asked, because he was willing to pay for it, or at least help, if Mister couldn’t.

So because it was a time crunch, Mister and I had to go buy his Dad a shirt and take it back to the funeral home. As soon as he parked to take the shirt inside the funeral home, Baby Sister called him. She was boo hoo crying and begging Mister to please see if he could change the date to give her time to get here. That upset Mister’s nerves and he told me to call Aunt D. Then he got out of the car to talk to his brother. Aunt D said Mister and Brother have been through so much lately, that they should just do whatever works best for them. If they feel like Friday is best, keep it for Friday. She said some other things that I will keep to myself, not anything ugly or whatever though.

I know Baby Sister loves her brother, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken him home with her after Mister’s Mom’s funeral. But I don’t think it was fair for her to call Mister like that, sobbing while she asked him to change the date. Imma just leave that at that.

Brother has already started asking about money this morning, and telling Mister what their Dad had said he’d give him. It turned out that their Dad’s life insurance policy was for a bit more than Mister thought. Brother knew how much it was for, and told Mister, which Mister confirmed later. Brother was also asking about how much life insurance their Mom had when she died, and her money. I think trouble is most definitely brewing there.

I'm going to be really harsh here. 

But fuck brother and his horse face and the horse they rode in on. 

Mister wanted to take care of his dad, which is admirable.   Taking care of dad meant indirectly taking care of brother.   Dad is not longer there.   Brother can deal with it, he's a big boy.   He can get a lawyer, he can make sure the estate bills are paid, he can sell/keep/maintain the house.   If it gets foreclosed on, oh well.   Mister doesn't need this stress. 

Unless mister personally signed for dad's bills, they are an estate problem, not a mister problem.    Mister is not personally responsible for any of those bills.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Sept 6, 2023 9:40:59 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Sept 6, 2023 9:36:09 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

He needs to find out if Tennesse grants Brother tenet rights.  If Brother is not a squatter and indeed is a tenet it won't be as simple as telling him GTFO unless you can pay the mortgage.

While I personally think Mister has every right to change the locks while Brother is gone and toss all his crap onto the curb that may get him in hot water legally.

Plus Brother can contest that since he is also next of kin he has every right to keep the house. Mister needs an attorney who can strong arm Brother that if he can't buy out Mister/the creditors he has to go.

And who knows which busy body family member will decide to get involved on Brother's side.  Mister needs to make sure that booting his brother out is done 100% by the book so he doesn't end up having to pay for his brother to squat.

Correct on Tennessee law in regards to brother being a tenant.  Follow the rules and have him evicted.   

If the estate is upside down, which it sounds like it is, who pays the mortgage and other expenses.  It should not be coming out of Mister's personal funds.  

I don't know how that works but an attorney will know.

I wouldn't pay a penny of anything.  The house is likely to be foreclosed on anyhow and like Andi said so what if they send a dead person to collections? 

No way should Mister put any of his personal funds into it.  IDK how it works with a mortgage but I know I have been warned not to use a single personal penny for grandma's expenses because then they can get me on the hook for it.  By using my personal funds that is considered implicit agreement that I have taken on the responsibility of her bills.  They told me let them start the eviction process if I had to DO NOT contribute a single penny.

DO NOT let Mister get bullied into paying anything.  It's saber rattling, Mister is untouchable.  They have to wait to see if there is anything from the estate they can take. They will try to scare you into paying because it's easy and most people will comply.  That gets you into trouble you cannot get out of easily.

[toomuchreality]

Sept 6, 2023 9:47:06 GMT -5 swamp said:

Sept 5, 2023 19:15:33 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

We went to the funeral home today. Aunt D and her husband met us there. Mister said he wanted the funeral asap. So they scheduled it for Friday. I felt like that was really quick, because it is customary to give people time to come from out of town. But Mister said he wanted it asap, so I didn’t say anything. 

Aunt D’s husband ended up asking what the difference in cost would be, paying out of pocket vs using life insurance. He apologized to Mister for interjecting, and said it was just business. Mister had no problem with it. That led to chipping away at $2k of the services provided, and just paying OOP. When we got that total, Aunt D’s husband asked Mister if he had it, and Mister said yes.

I got the feeling that Aunt D’s husband asked, because he was willing to pay for it, or at least help, if Mister couldn’t.

So because it was a time crunch, Mister and I had to go buy his Dad a shirt and take it back to the funeral home. As soon as he parked to take the shirt inside the funeral home, Baby Sister called him. She was boo hoo crying and begging Mister to please see if he could change the date to give her time to get here. That upset Mister’s nerves and he told me to call Aunt D. Then he got out of the car to talk to his brother. Aunt D said Mister and Brother have been through so much lately, that they should just do whatever works best for them. If they feel like Friday is best, keep it for Friday. She said some other things that I will keep to myself, not anything ugly or whatever though.

I know Baby Sister loves her brother, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken him home with her after Mister’s Mom’s funeral. But I don’t think it was fair for her to call Mister like that, sobbing while she asked him to change the date. Imma just leave that at that.

Brother has already started asking about money this morning, and telling Mister what their Dad had said he’d give him. It turned out that their Dad’s life insurance policy was for a bit more than Mister thought. Brother knew how much it was for, and told Mister, which Mister confirmed later. Brother was also asking about how much life insurance their Mom had when she died, and her money. I think trouble is most definitely brewing there.

I'm going to be really harsh here. 

But fuck brother and his horse face and the horse they rode in on. 

Mister wanted to take care of his dad, which is admirable.   Taking care of dad meant indirectly taking care of brother.   Dad is not longer there.   Brother can deal with it, he's a big boy.   He can get a lawyer, he can make sure the estate bills are paid, he can sell/keep/maintain the house.   If it gets foreclosed on, oh well.   Mister doesn't need this stress. 

Unless mister personally signed for dad's bills, they are an estate problem, not a mister problem.    Mister is not personally responsible for any of those bills.  

Not harsh, at all.

[swamp]

Sept 6, 2023 8:21:40 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 6, 2023 8:16:00 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

As a side note to the discussion of Mr, Messy's estate, there may be bills coming down the road for his hospital care this year.  I don't know what kind of supplemental insurance he might had to cover what Medicare didn't.  Bills like that would, of course, come out of the estate, not the life insurance nor the 401K which should pass to the named beneficiary.  Hopefully that beneficiary is not Mom, which would really complicate things.  And there is the little issue of the deed interest that Mom had in her sister's house which  passed upon Mom's death to somebody?  I don't know if the will found on Mom's device was considered legal under TN law or not.  

His hospital bills are not his children's problem. In fact, I'd stop paying for everything. There is no equity in the house. The car is more of a liability than an asset. I'd give everything back to whoever it is owed to and take the insurance money and run. What are they gonna do, send a dead man to collections? Or maybe go after his dead wife? Mister needs to see an estate attorney and figure out how to get it settled with minimal pain and suffering to him.

Bingo.  


Except at this point I wouldn't even do the estate. Brother can take care of it, or whomever does public administration work on behalf of creditors can do it.