what are you doing right now?

[countrygirl2]

I'm wondering if she is ill or perhaps can't type, I hope not.

[daisylu]

Saw another good friend today, and am feeling much better this evening.

Work was work. I got in and out before the people who would make a big deal noticed though Iam sure they will hear about it and take it back to my boss - whose direction I was following. 🙃

[cooper88]

The first day back after a long weekend is so hard. Good thing we have leftovers for dinner.

[daisylu]

Sept 5, 2023 13:23:44 GMT -5 finnime said:

Hope your day is low stress, daisylu. And that you can find your path forward for your own sake. Remember, a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Thank you. His new attitude just threw me for a complete loop. Whatever happens I know I'll be ok - hell I never planned to get married in the first place. I had my own home, and was raising my 2 kids on my own just fine while having friends with benefits relationships. I was perfectly happy with that - I'd have a night out here and there to blow off some steam and kept my kids away from it.

And along came DH and plans changed. Now he wants to go backward, which is a direction that I am not interested in - especially now. The kids are finally launched and the world is opening up in new ways for me.

I don't want our relationship to end but I am also not going to be the only one fighting for it. I have never fought for a man before and that is not going to change. He will wake up, that I know. The only question is if it will be too late for me.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Sept 5, 2023 13:49:32 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Went to hand doc, just NP, won't see doc till surgery!!
They said its a ganglion cyst, up to me about what to do with it. I'm having it removed as it hurts badly at times, also said there is a bone spur there. But they found more osteoarthritis, it's in the bottom of my thumb on this hand. They said I could have that area reconstructed if I so chose. I do not, perhaps later. The cyst removal is OP surgery, the other is considered major surgery, not going there. But I'm getting osteoarthritis all over. have it in both ankles and my spine, I have a feeling in my right hip too. My aunt on dads side had arthritis really bad. The meds she was taking made her stomach bleed so she had to quit. After that was when her quality of life went down and she hurt so badly she eventually gave up. She chose to quit all meds including the ones for her high blood pressure and passed pretty quickly. But the lady was in her 90's. I hope I make it that long. Little guy wants me at his high school graduation. I told him I would like to make it to his college graduation. He is wise sometimes, he said, you and DD can both go in wheelchairs to those if you have to.  12 more years I'm 89, yikes!

He told me he can't be president someday because he wasn't born in this country. He is worried about that at age 8, LOL! Gotta love him.

I'm not having it done till January. We are going to Washington at Christmas and the surgeon now is booked out till November, so that would be through our vacation time. So will get it done when we come home. It's been there almost a year, I can make it a few more months. Sounds like 2 weeks in 1st cast, 2nd 4 weeks, because she said where the bone spur is will leave a hole?? Guess it needs to fill in or something. Hubs will help me.

Now I don't know about doing anything with the foot or not.

I have my big kitty, Tigger sprawled all over my feet asleep. He loves to lay across one foot and prop his paw on the other and go to sleep, not sure what that's about. He is one big cat, he's looking big as a bobcat anymore.  I told hubs something happened to him outside, he runs to the back door, since I've been home has only been out with me once or twice. He looks out the door and sniffs, than if I try to push him out he starts backing up and will run back in the house. I wonder if he encountered a coon or something. It's like he is afraid.

This morning when leaving there was a big dead deer in the middle of the road, someone had hit him. When I came back someone had pulled it over to the side. It was a road hazard for sure.

Ok off to the dentist to take DD.

I had this surgery done.  It’s called an anchovy procedure.  You are in a soft cast/bandage for a few weeks after surgery, then a cast for 6 weeks.  Big suggestion…..get a fiberglass waterproof cast.  It costs extra, but you can get it wet.  

Also suggest you not have the surgery in winter.  I had it in Feb. and needed to wear t shirts because none of my long sleeved shirts fit.  Only one of my coats fit (a very old one TD hates).  I wasn’t going to cut sleeves for the cast.  Luckily, it was my left hand.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 5, 2023 18:21:44 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Sept 5, 2023 13:23:44 GMT -5 finnime said:

Hope your day is low stress, daisylu . And that you can find your path forward for your own sake. Remember, a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Thank you. His new attitude just threw me for a complete loop. Whatever happens I know I'll be ok - hell I never planned to get married in the first place. I had my own home, and was raising my 2 kids on my own just fine while having friends with benefits relationships. I was perfectly happy with that - I'd have a night out here and there to blow off some steam and kept my kids away from it.

And along came DH and plans changed. Now he wants to go backward, which is a direction that I am not interested in - especially now. The kids are finally launched and the world is opening up in new ways for me.

I don't want our relationship to end but I am also not going to be the only one fighting for it. I have never fought for a man before and that is not going to change. He will wake up, that I know. The only question is if it will be too late for me.

This is another one of those posts that make me think we must be soul sisters or something, because we have so much in common with the way we think.

[daisylu]

I ❤️ Pink Cashmere

[bookkeeper]

Sept 5, 2023 7:53:43 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

What the f*ck the entire left side of my throat is swollen up.   I had Strep over the weekend and was feeling better but today I woke up with half my throat swelled shut.  I took some Dayquil and we'll see what happens.

Ever since COVID any time I get sick it is a barrel of laughs.  Last time I got stress hives.  This time it seems a lymph node swelled up like a balloon. 

I turned down the micro tech position.  I did some reflection on my values list that I made with the career counselor and the job just does not fit enough of them to make it worth me taking it.

This job still fits better.  Not great but better.   We made that list specifically so I could avoid talking myself into taking jobs that aren't actually a good fit because it's the "right" thing to do or I feel guilty for not taking it.

I was having a rough patch with viruses years back.  My friend spotted my fresh cold sore and asked me if this happened every fall/winter.  Of course, it does. I have school age kids!  She recommended taking vitamin D3 as soon as the days start getting shorter.  

What a difference a little pill made for me.  I used to get sick just looking at a coworker who was feeling it.  My chiropractor also mentioned D3 at my last visit. He claims all of us in the plains states could use some D3 and Magnesium.

It's a cheap supplement to try, and just might help.

More advice from said friend who worked in early childhood education for 30 years:  Elderberry supplements.  You can only imagine what she faced at work.

[Pink Cashmere]

We went to the funeral home today. Aunt D and her husband met us there. Mister said he wanted the funeral asap. So they scheduled it for Friday. I felt like that was really quick, because it is customary to give people time to come from out of town. But Mister said he wanted it asap, so I didn’t say anything. 

Aunt D’s husband ended up asking what the difference in cost would be, paying out of pocket vs using life insurance. He apologized to Mister for interjecting, and said it was just business. Mister had no problem with it. That led to chipping away at $2k of the services provided, and just paying OOP. When we got that total, Aunt D’s husband asked Mister if he had it, and Mister said yes.

I got the feeling that Aunt D’s husband asked, because he was willing to pay for it, or at least help, if Mister couldn’t.

So because it was a time crunch, Mister and I had to go buy his Dad a shirt and take it back to the funeral home. As soon as he parked to take the shirt inside the funeral home, Baby Sister called him. She was boo hoo crying and begging Mister to please see if he could change the date to give her time to get here. That upset Mister’s nerves and he told me to call Aunt D. Then he got out of the car to talk to his brother. Aunt D said Mister and Brother have been through so much lately, that they should just do whatever works best for them. If they feel like Friday is best, keep it for Friday. She said some other things that I will keep to myself, not anything ugly or whatever though.

I know Baby Sister loves her brother, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken him home with her after Mister’s Mom’s funeral. But I don’t think it was fair for her to call Mister like that, sobbing while she asked him to change the date. Imma just leave that at that.

Brother has already started asking about money this morning, and telling Mister what their Dad had said he’d give him. It turned out that their Dad’s life insurance policy was for a bit more than Mister thought. Brother knew how much it was for, and told Mister, which Mister confirmed later. Brother was also asking about how much life insurance their Mom had when she died, and her money. I think trouble is most definitely brewing there.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 5, 2023 19:01:36 GMT -5 daisylu said:

I ❤️ Pink Cashmere

[countrygirl2]

I will remember about the fiberglass cast. I have some too big fleece shirts and sweaters that will likely fit over it and if they won't, I won't mind cutting them. Have some too big coats also.  Thankfully I did not get rid of all of that.  I would like to see about the foot but afraid it might not be healed by Christmas. And i know I will either be cooking or helping,so probably shouldn't do it than.

Got DD into the dentist, glad we choose him. The receptionist said she had been trying to get our records from the prior office and she has called at all different hours of the day and just recordings, leave a message.  I am running by there tomorrow and see if I can get them, she said all they have to do is email them. That place must be sinking.

The assistant said oh do we just pull the tooth, I'm LIKE NO!! We are taking care of and keeping her teeth. She has only had 3 cavities ever. I guess they see disabled and its pull the tooth!! Damn. That's probably why half the special needs kids you see in care have no teeth. I hate that. Saw some woman in the office with a bunch of tatoos and I think no teeth. I'm thinking brushing and using some of that money to maintain them would have been wise. You see a lot of that around here. He said it looked like the tooth has a crack in the filling, but couldn't fill it till the 18th. Guess we were lucky to get in then. He said chew on the other side till I can fix it, LOL! She said he was booked into October for fillings. Our medicaid caseworker referred us, and the dentist said he was a buddy of his from way back. I think that helped. The guy was funny, like some old farmer. When we left he had his shoe off looking in it must have had a stone. If you saw him on the street you would not guess he was a dentist. DD said she liked him already. Our caseworker said he is a great guy.  He has the oddest name.  And the sign on the door said don't let the cats in, LOL! There was water on the porch and an empty catfood pan leaning up against a post, so I'm guessing they feed strays. Anyway she will get it done before long so I think she will be ok.

Tomorrow is to her neurologist for botox shots. And the next day is to our endocrin doc for both of us. 
Than I got in into my chiro Friday, I need that for the old back. I know I'm getting arthritis all over in my bones, darn.

[Pink Cashmere]

DS was at our house while we went to the funeral home. When I called to tell him it would be a while longer before we got back home, because we had to go buy a shirt, and that the funeral was going to be Friday, he asked “what can I do?”l I told him Mister said he’s going to put the back row of seats back in the Tahoe before the funeral and asked if DS would help him with that. DS said “I sure will”.

Then he told me his tiny dog had cleaned the garage. 

I was like “what”? He said “I left him in the garage for like 5 minutes and he kinda cleaned it up”. I was soooo confused, so DS took mercy on me and said “he probably grew some thumbs or something”. And then I got it, DS had cleaned up the garage, and was saying his dog did it.

When we got back home, he had also pulled the seats for the Tahoe out of their spot in the garage and cleaned them. I am so happy that my son is being thoughtful and trying to do stuff to help Mister during this time.

[Deleted]

Sept 5, 2023 19:15:33 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

We went to the funeral home today. Aunt D and her husband met us there. Mister said he wanted the funeral asap. So they scheduled it for Friday. I felt like that was really quick, because it is customary to give people time to come from out of town. But Mister said he wanted it asap, so I didn’t say anything. 

Aunt D’s husband ended up asking what the difference in cost would be, paying out of pocket vs using life insurance. He apologized to Mister for interjecting, and said it was just business. Mister had no problem with it. That led to chipping away at $2k of the services provided, and just paying OOP. When we got that total, Aunt D’s husband asked Mister if he had it, and Mister said yes.

I got the feeling that Aunt D’s husband asked, because he was willing to pay for it, or at least help, if Mister couldn’t.

So because it was a time crunch, Mister and I had to go buy his Dad a shirt and take it back to the funeral home. As soon as he parked to take the shirt inside the funeral home, Baby Sister called him. She was boo hoo crying and begging Mister to please see if he could change the date to give her time to get here. That upset Mister’s nerves and he told me to call Aunt D. Then he got out of the car to talk to his brother. Aunt D said Mister and Brother have been through so much lately, that they should just do whatever works best for them. If they feel like Friday is best, keep it for Friday. She said some other things that I will keep to myself, not anything ugly or whatever though.

I know Baby Sister loves her brother, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken him home with her after Mister’s Mom’s funeral. But I don’t think it was fair for her to call Mister like that, sobbing while she asked him to change the date. Imma just leave that at that.

Brother has already started asking about money this morning, and telling Mister what their Dad had said he’d give him. It turned out that their Dad’s life insurance policy was for a bit more than Mister thought. Brother knew how much it was for, and told Mister, which Mister confirmed later. Brother was also asking about how much life insurance their Mom had when she died, and her money. I think trouble is most definitely brewing there.

There's a lot to process here, both good and not so good.  I'm glad you went to the funeral home to make arrangements.  I think Friday is a good time for the service.  Sort of funny how Brother knew about Dad's insurance policy while he was supposedly too grief stricken to have any concern about his mother's business or really help his dad in any meaningful way. Until he suddenly had concerns about his mom's life insurance.  Which coverage was supposed to reimburse Mister for the $3,000 extra he fronted for his mother's service.  Don't know where the mortgage payments on Dad's house, and the utility bills are coming from, but hope it's not Mister's pockets.  Brother wants to continue living the good life in the backyard, fine.  He can pony up the monthly costs and mow the yard too.  

[daisylu]

Sept 5, 2023 19:15:33 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

We went to the funeral home today. Aunt D and her husband met us there. Mister said he wanted the funeral asap. So they scheduled it for Friday. I felt like that was really quick, because it is customary to give people time to come from out of town. But Mister said he wanted it asap, so I didn’t say anything. 

Aunt D’s husband ended up asking what the difference in cost would be, paying out of pocket vs using life insurance. He apologized to Mister for interjecting, and said it was just business. Mister had no problem with it. That led to chipping away at $2k of the services provided, and just paying OOP. When we got that total, Aunt D’s husband asked Mister if he had it, and Mister said yes.

I got the feeling that Aunt D’s husband asked, because he was willing to pay for it, or at least help, if Mister couldn’t.

So because it was a time crunch, Mister and I had to go buy his Dad a shirt and take it back to the funeral home. As soon as he parked to take the shirt inside the funeral home, Baby Sister called him. She was boo hoo crying and begging Mister to please see if he could change the date to give her time to get here. That upset Mister’s nerves and he told me to call Aunt D. Then he got out of the car to talk to his brother. Aunt D said Mister and Brother have been through so much lately, that they should just do whatever works best for them. If they feel like Friday is best, keep it for Friday. She said some other things that I will keep to myself, not anything ugly or whatever though.

I know Baby Sister loves her brother, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken him home with her after Mister’s Mom’s funeral. But I don’t think it was fair for her to call Mister like that, sobbing while she asked him to change the date. Imma just leave that at that.

Brother has already started asking about money this morning, and telling Mister what their Dad had said he’d give him. It turned out that their Dad’s life insurance policy was for a bit more than Mister thought. Brother knew how much it was for, and told Mister, which Mister confirmed later. Brother was also asking about how much life insurance their Mom had when she died, and her money. I think trouble is most definitely brewing there.

All of that is rough. I don't blame Mister for just trying to be done with it all. I could not imagine losing both parents so close together. I would just to get it over and with at that point, especially considering that it has not been enough time to deal with his mom's passing and how ugly his dad got quickly.

My sister and I do not agree on much, but we do agree on estate settling (even though I am executor). Neither of us need money, so funerals will be totally emotional. Sister will be wailing for all get out. And I don't have no time for that, but I will be responsible one. I hope that is a long away for my family, but you never know.

All that to say, I'll be praying for your nerves as you try to navigate your way through this, for both you and Mister.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 5, 2023 19:42:54 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sept 5, 2023 19:15:33 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

We went to the funeral home today. Aunt D and her husband met us there. Mister said he wanted the funeral asap. So they scheduled it for Friday. I felt like that was really quick, because it is customary to give people time to come from out of town. But Mister said he wanted it asap, so I didn’t say anything. 

Aunt D’s husband ended up asking what the difference in cost would be, paying out of pocket vs using life insurance. He apologized to Mister for interjecting, and said it was just business. Mister had no problem with it. That led to chipping away at $2k of the services provided, and just paying OOP. When we got that total, Aunt D’s husband asked Mister if he had it, and Mister said yes.

I got the feeling that Aunt D’s husband asked, because he was willing to pay for it, or at least help, if Mister couldn’t.

So because it was a time crunch, Mister and I had to go buy his Dad a shirt and take it back to the funeral home. As soon as he parked to take the shirt inside the funeral home, Baby Sister called him. She was boo hoo crying and begging Mister to please see if he could change the date to give her time to get here. That upset Mister’s nerves and he told me to call Aunt D. Then he got out of the car to talk to his brother. Aunt D said Mister and Brother have been through so much lately, that they should just do whatever works best for them. If they feel like Friday is best, keep it for Friday. She said some other things that I will keep to myself, not anything ugly or whatever though.

I know Baby Sister loves her brother, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken him home with her after Mister’s Mom’s funeral. But I don’t think it was fair for her to call Mister like that, sobbing while she asked him to change the date. Imma just leave that at that.

Brother has already started asking about money this morning, and telling Mister what their Dad had said he’d give him. It turned out that their Dad’s life insurance policy was for a bit more than Mister thought. Brother knew how much it was for, and told Mister, which Mister confirmed later. Brother was also asking about how much life insurance their Mom had when she died, and her money. I think trouble is most definitely brewing there.

There's a lot to process here, both good and not so good.  I'm glad you went to the funeral home to make arrangements.  I think Friday is a good time for the service.  Sort of funny how Brother knew about Dad's insurance policy while he was supposedly too grief stricken to have any concern about his mother's business or really help his dad in any meaningful way. Until he suddenly had concerns about his mom's life insurance.  Which coverage was supposed to reimburse Mister for the $3,000 extra he fronted for his mother's service.  Don't know where the mortgage payments on Dad's house, and the utility bills are coming from, but hope it's not Mister's pockets.  Brother wants to continue living the good life in the backyard, fine.  He can pony up the monthly costs and mow the yard too.  

It’s *funny* how Brother knew the amount of the life insurance policy, to me too, since Mister thought it was only $10k.

Mister has not been reimbursed for the $3k he spent to bury his Mom. When his Dad got the checks from her life insurance policies, Mister did not insist on being reimbursed, because he was afraid it would look crazy.

The mortgage, utilities, his car payment and insurance, have all been paid with Dad’s income, once Mister got everything straightened out and caught up. 

Mister is the beneficiary on his Dad’s life insurance policy. Since Brother keeps wanting to talk about money, I warned Mister to tread carefully with sharing it with his brother. Imo, Mister should take off the top what he spent to bury his Mom, and what he’s spending now for his Dad’s final expenses, before sharing the proceeds with his brother is even an option. I didn’t think about it until now, but he should also include the costs of settling their estates. And before he gives his brother anything, they need to figure out what they’re going to do with the house, because the costs of Brother staying there for a few more months should factor into the decisions. 

But that’s just me and how I think.

[finnime]

I hope for you and Mister, Pink, that Aunt D and her husband can help keep others in the family contained and from stirring up trouble. Funerals can bring out the worst as well as the best in people. Someone to help set direction, away from Mister, seems like a good idea.

I hope, too, that Brother can find a way to help rather than heap on Mister. I don't think it will happen, from what you've said, but I hope anyway.

It's going to be a tough, tough week and then month, I'm afraid, for him and for you.

[Deleted]

Sept 5, 2023 20:17:23 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Sept 5, 2023 19:42:54 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

There's a lot to process here, both good and not so good.  I'm glad you went to the funeral home to make arrangements.  I think Friday is a good time for the service.  Sort of funny how Brother knew about Dad's insurance policy while he was supposedly too grief stricken to have any concern about his mother's business or really help his dad in any meaningful way. Until he suddenly had concerns about his mom's life insurance.  Which coverage was supposed to reimburse Mister for the $3,000 extra he fronted for his mother's service.  Don't know where the mortgage payments on Dad's house, and the utility bills are coming from, but hope it's not Mister's pockets.  Brother wants to continue living the good life in the backyard, fine.  He can pony up the monthly costs and mow the yard too.  

It’s *funny* how Brother knew the amount of the life insurance policy, to me too, since Mister thought it was only $10k.

Mister has not been reimbursed for the $3k he spent to bury his Mom. When his Dad got the checks from her life insurance policies, Mister did not insist on being reimbursed, because he was afraid it would look crazy.

The mortgage, utilities, his car payment and insurance, have all been paid with Dad’s income, once Mister got everything straightened out and caught up. 

Mister is the beneficiary on his Dad’s life insurance policy. Since Brother keeps wanting to talk about money, I warned Mister to tread carefully with sharing it with his brother. Imo, Mister should take off the top what he spent to bury his Mom, and what he’s spending now for his Dad’s final expenses, before sharing the proceeds with his brother is even an option. I didn’t think about it until now, but he should also include the costs of settling their estates. And before he gives his brother anything, they need to figure out what they’re going to do with the house, because the costs of Brother staying there for a few more months should factor into the decisions. 

But that’s just me and how I think.

And you thinking that the cost of Bro living in the house is absolutely right

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 5, 2023 19:47:00 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Sept 5, 2023 19:15:33 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

We went to the funeral home today. Aunt D and her husband met us there. Mister said he wanted the funeral asap. So they scheduled it for Friday. I felt like that was really quick, because it is customary to give people time to come from out of town. But Mister said he wanted it asap, so I didn’t say anything. 

Aunt D’s husband ended up asking what the difference in cost would be, paying out of pocket vs using life insurance. He apologized to Mister for interjecting, and said it was just business. Mister had no problem with it. That led to chipping away at $2k of the services provided, and just paying OOP. When we got that total, Aunt D’s husband asked Mister if he had it, and Mister said yes.

I got the feeling that Aunt D’s husband asked, because he was willing to pay for it, or at least help, if Mister couldn’t.

So because it was a time crunch, Mister and I had to go buy his Dad a shirt and take it back to the funeral home. As soon as he parked to take the shirt inside the funeral home, Baby Sister called him. She was boo hoo crying and begging Mister to please see if he could change the date to give her time to get here. That upset Mister’s nerves and he told me to call Aunt D. Then he got out of the car to talk to his brother. Aunt D said Mister and Brother have been through so much lately, that they should just do whatever works best for them. If they feel like Friday is best, keep it for Friday. She said some other things that I will keep to myself, not anything ugly or whatever though.

I know Baby Sister loves her brother, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken him home with her after Mister’s Mom’s funeral. But I don’t think it was fair for her to call Mister like that, sobbing while she asked him to change the date. Imma just leave that at that.

Brother has already started asking about money this morning, and telling Mister what their Dad had said he’d give him. It turned out that their Dad’s life insurance policy was for a bit more than Mister thought. Brother knew how much it was for, and told Mister, which Mister confirmed later. Brother was also asking about how much life insurance their Mom had when she died, and her money. I think trouble is most definitely brewing there.

All of that is rough. I don't blame Mister for just trying to be done with it all. I could not imagine losing both parents so close together. I would just to get it over and with at that point, especially considering that it has not been enough time to deal with his mom's passing and how ugly his dad got quickly.

My sister and I do not agree on much, but we do agree on estate settling (even though I am executor). Neither of us need money, so funerals will be totally emotional. Sister will be wailing for all get out. And I don't have no time for that, but I will be responsible one. I hope that is a long away for my family, but you never know.

All that to say, I'll be praying for your nerves as you try to navigate your way through this, for both you and Mister.

Mister said he wanted to get the funeral over with, so he can handle some of the stuff that comes after, so he can go back to work asap. If it were me, I don’t think work would even be on my radar, but I’m not Mister and I have to respect that we don’t handle things the same way.

Thank you, I think we need all the prayers we can get right now.

[andi9899]

Sept 5, 2023 16:31:33 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

Sept 4, 2023 21:21:37 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Where have you been young lady?! I haven't seen you in forever!

I've been hiding from you! Nah. Just a bunch of cat stuff. Been churning through cats and kittens and placing them with fosters, which I am in charge of. I currently have one in my foster room right now. I just went up to Vermont for a couple of days with a friend and stayed at her sister's house. Now I'm gearing up because I decided to change my position at work to one that is more challenging. In other words, more work. I need it. I've been falling asleep at my computer too much so I guess I'm ready for something new.

I so admire you doing that. It's a really good deed. Fostering, not hiding from me. 😁

[andi9899]

Sept 5, 2023 18:21:44 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Sept 5, 2023 13:23:44 GMT -5 finnime said:

Hope your day is low stress, daisylu. And that you can find your path forward for your own sake. Remember, a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Thank you. His new attitude just threw me for a complete loop. Whatever happens I know I'll be ok - hell I never planned to get married in the first place. I had my own home, and was raising my 2 kids on my own just fine while having friends with benefits relationships. I was perfectly happy with that - I'd have a night out here and there to blow off some steam and kept my kids away from it.

And along came DH and plans changed. Now he wants to go backward, which is a direction that I am not interested in - especially now. The kids are finally launched and the world is opening up in new ways for me.

I don't want our relationship to end but I am also not going to be the only one fighting for it. I have never fought for a man before and that is not going to change. He will wake up, that I know. The only question is if it will be too late for me.

I want your marriage to be long and happy. I really do hope you can work it out. However, if that doesn't happen, I volunteer to completely corrupt you. When you're ready, of course.

[andi9899]

Sept 5, 2023 19:15:33 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

We went to the funeral home today. Aunt D and her husband met us there. Mister said he wanted the funeral asap. So they scheduled it for Friday. I felt like that was really quick, because it is customary to give people time to come from out of town. But Mister said he wanted it asap, so I didn’t say anything. 

Aunt D’s husband ended up asking what the difference in cost would be, paying out of pocket vs using life insurance. He apologized to Mister for interjecting, and said it was just business. Mister had no problem with it. That led to chipping away at $2k of the services provided, and just paying OOP. When we got that total, Aunt D’s husband asked Mister if he had it, and Mister said yes.

I got the feeling that Aunt D’s husband asked, because he was willing to pay for it, or at least help, if Mister couldn’t.

So because it was a time crunch, Mister and I had to go buy his Dad a shirt and take it back to the funeral home. As soon as he parked to take the shirt inside the funeral home, Baby Sister called him. She was boo hoo crying and begging Mister to please see if he could change the date to give her time to get here. That upset Mister’s nerves and he told me to call Aunt D. Then he got out of the car to talk to his brother. Aunt D said Mister and Brother have been through so much lately, that they should just do whatever works best for them. If they feel like Friday is best, keep it for Friday. She said some other things that I will keep to myself, not anything ugly or whatever though.

I know Baby Sister loves her brother, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken him home with her after Mister’s Mom’s funeral. But I don’t think it was fair for her to call Mister like that, sobbing while she asked him to change the date. Imma just leave that at that.

Brother has already started asking about money this morning, and telling Mister what their Dad had said he’d give him. It turned out that their Dad’s life insurance policy was for a bit more than Mister thought. Brother knew how much it was for, and told Mister, which Mister confirmed later. Brother was also asking about how much life insurance their Mom had when she died, and her money. I think trouble is most definitely brewing there.

If baby sister lives so far that a plane is necessary, she should be able to get a bereavement rate at an airline. If it's a several hour car ride, she better get on the road.

Mister needs to subtract the money he has paid towards any bills/funerals he's paid for before he settles any funds with brother. It's only fair. Any agreement made with Mister Messy is now null and void. Just my opinion which is worth what you paid for it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Absolutely Mister should reimburse himself and I believe he'd even be entitled too BUT beating the dead horse he needs to see an attorney.

Especially if brother is claiming dad promised him money. And the fact he likely has tenet rights by now getting him out of that house will likely be a nightmare.

I get Mister wanting to get it all done and over with. My dad has gone so far as to say he won't even go to the funerals he's done as soon as they are dead. Caretakers can develop PTSD. Mister has been through some shit.

Add in no time to mourn his mother and a nosy drama filled extended family. Oof.

I do hope his manager steps in and makes Mister take time off. He's probably where I was at in that his lizard brain has taken over out of self preservation and doing what it knows how to do on autopilot.

But he will crash eventually. He needs to stop before that happens it's not good for your health. BTDT got the T shirt.

[Pink Cashmere]

Before I read the rest of the posts, this is Mister and DS putting the back row of seats back in the Tahoe, under Newbie and DS’s tiny dog’s watch. Boy is in the house because he is unruly and subject to go exploring the neighborhood.



It always makes my heart sing when Mister and DS are working together. Even more now 

The Lincoln in the picture is the car Mister’s Dad owned and gave gave him years ago, when Mister needed a car. His Dad has always loved Lincolns, and that’s what he always bought, for himself and his wife, once he got to a point in his life where he felt he could afford it. The Lincoln he gave Mister is a champ, she runs even after a year or 2 of neglect and not being used. Mister has never been able to get rid of it, even after he moved on to other vehicles, because of the sentimental value from his Dad giving it to him.

I seriously doubt he’ll even consider getting rid of it now. I wouldn’t be surprised if he put a lot of money into it now, getting it back in tip top shape, in memory of his Dad. I will support that, if he does. It is from an era when cars like that seemed to just glide on the streets, and rode so smooth that you can’t even really feel bumps and whatever.

Typing this post and thinking about that car, when I get my money together again, if Mister hasn’t already done it, I would like to make it a gift to him, to fix everything the car needs fixed. I think that would be a gift that would mean a lot to him. Now, it’s really something I would like to do for him, and I want to make it a priority, so I gotta figure out the money.

[TheOtherMe]

As executor, Mister will be entitled to reimburse himself for the funeral expenses.  

I feel bad for Mister but I know you are there for him.

He needs time to process this.  It's a lot to deal with in such a short amount of time.

[countrygirl2]

But they are just going to remove the cyst, sounds like there is a bone spur in it or something.  I'm not positive now. I'm not having anything done for the osteoarthritis in the joint. At least not now.  If I start doing that I have places all over my body. It's in my spine, my ankles, I think my right hip and other places beside my thumb. Both my thumbs lock up on me. In reading about it, doesn't sound so good for me. I'm already on duloxetine and pain killers. Just see where it goes from here. In reading, said this is a common issue in the elderly and can lead to disability and lots of pain.  LOL! Things are looking up, might as well laugh, better than crying. Just another hurdle in life to deal with, I've dealt with many so far.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 5, 2023 20:20:19 GMT -5 finnime said:

I hope for you and Mister, Pink, that Aunt D and her husband can help keep others in the family contained and from stirring up trouble. Funerals can bring out the worst as well as the best in people. Someone to help set direction, away from Mister, seems like a good idea.

I hope, too, that Brother can find a way to help rather than heap on Mister. I don't think it will happen, from what you've said, but I hope anyway.

It's going to be a tough, tough week and then month, I'm afraid, for him and for you.

Aunt D seems to be a straight up kind of person, who doesn’t like drama. She lost a sister and a daughter last year, a SIL that she’s known for at least 50 years, and now her younger brother. She has been through a lot herself with all of those losses starting in 2022. 

But she is consistently adamant about her nephews doing what is best for them, given all they’ve been through lately with their parents, and I love her for being so supportive of them, and sticking to that even after her youngest sister called Mister and his brother crying about the funeral being so soon. 

I don’t see Brother being much help with anything. 

Mister’s nerves are upset (understandable) so I am going to tend to him and I will talk to you all later.

[countrygirl2]

Right now I'm glad I have no brother, sisters, or close relatives. There was noone to put any kind of claim on mom's stuff and hubs gave, I felt to much to his brothers widow and kids, but I kept my mouth shut.  Again I didn't get involved in it and I'm glad I didn't. It's over. Now it's just son, DIL, and little guy.  

We are going to our attorney to make changes to our will in the next few weeks, we need to decide what we are going to change exactly. Hubs and I realize we are on the downhill run, so need to take care of it. We are pretty much on the same page. Our concern is not son, we trust him, he will waste nothing. If we could trust DIL we would sign it over, but even hubs agrees she would blow through the money and we might need it before we die. So have to think over how we will handle things. And we will.

The rest of our will and our other stuff are done.

[countrygirl2]

Wow, Pink, what a mess. I hope it smooths out. It will over time, the darkest before the dawn as they say.
But I doubt the two brothers end up on good terms when its done. The brother expects money and who knows what and doesn't sound like there will be much once its over.  Those situations are tough, I don't envy you guys dealing with it. Best of luck.

[Pink Cashmere]

Sept 5, 2023 21:09:50 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Sept 5, 2023 19:15:33 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

We went to the funeral home today. Aunt D and her husband met us there. Mister said he wanted the funeral asap. So they scheduled it for Friday. I felt like that was really quick, because it is customary to give people time to come from out of town. But Mister said he wanted it asap, so I didn’t say anything. 

Aunt D’s husband ended up asking what the difference in cost would be, paying out of pocket vs using life insurance. He apologized to Mister for interjecting, and said it was just business. Mister had no problem with it. That led to chipping away at $2k of the services provided, and just paying OOP. When we got that total, Aunt D’s husband asked Mister if he had it, and Mister said yes.

I got the feeling that Aunt D’s husband asked, because he was willing to pay for it, or at least help, if Mister couldn’t.

So because it was a time crunch, Mister and I had to go buy his Dad a shirt and take it back to the funeral home. As soon as he parked to take the shirt inside the funeral home, Baby Sister called him. She was boo hoo crying and begging Mister to please see if he could change the date to give her time to get here. That upset Mister’s nerves and he told me to call Aunt D. Then he got out of the car to talk to his brother. Aunt D said Mister and Brother have been through so much lately, that they should just do whatever works best for them. If they feel like Friday is best, keep it for Friday. She said some other things that I will keep to myself, not anything ugly or whatever though.

I know Baby Sister loves her brother, if she didn’t, she wouldn’t have taken him home with her after Mister’s Mom’s funeral. But I don’t think it was fair for her to call Mister like that, sobbing while she asked him to change the date. Imma just leave that at that.

Brother has already started asking about money this morning, and telling Mister what their Dad had said he’d give him. It turned out that their Dad’s life insurance policy was for a bit more than Mister thought. Brother knew how much it was for, and told Mister, which Mister confirmed later. Brother was also asking about how much life insurance their Mom had when she died, and her money. I think trouble is most definitely brewing there.

If baby sister lives so far that a plane is necessary, she should be able to get a bereavement rate at an airline. If it's a several hour car ride, she better get on the road.

Mister needs to subtract the money he has paid towards any bills/funerals he's paid for before he settles any funds with brother. It's only fair. Any agreement made with Mister Messy is now null and void. Just my opinion which is worth what you paid for it.

Mister is procrastinating about going to bed, and playing on the Internet, so I can keep talking lol.

It has been said that if getting here in time for the funeral was so important to Baby Sister, she could fly in, instead of driving, which she prefers. She and her husband are retired, which makes things easier than people that have to take time off work. It seems that money is not the issue with them flying here for the funeral.

But none of that is my business. My business is supporting Mister with whatever decisions he makes that he feels are best for him. If that means having the funeral Friday, regardless of what some of his family members feel about it, and how they can or can not get here in time for the funeral, I understand it’s short notice and there will be no hard feelings if they can’t get here in time. 

I don’t think Mister even really cares about who comes to the funeral or not. He just wants it over and done with, so he can move on and deal with the aftermath. His Aunt D understands that, and has said that she will “snatch up” anybody that needs to be dealt with. She doesn’t realize yet that she’d have to stand in line, because I’m very protective of Mister myself, when it comes to unnecessary bullshit from other people. I guess if people go too far she and I both might need bail money lol.

Anyway, I’ve been told here that the beneficiaries of life insurance policies can do whatever they want with the money. I don’t see Mister just leaving his brother out, and not sharing the proceeds with him, but I encourage him to subtract what he’s spent before he shares anything with his brother, and keep in mind the ongoing costs of his brother living in his parents’ house until they decide what to do with it, before giving his brother a lump sum of money.

Meaning, don’t give his brother some thousands of dollars, and still keep paying all the expenses related to their parents’ home that Brother lives in, after there is no more income from their Dad to pay for those things. 

Brother keeps wanting to talk about money and what their parents had as far as life insurance or whatever, so I feel like Mister should put all of it on the table, so Brother understands that after everything is settled, there is no money dammit. Yes, Mister learned today that his Dad had life insurance in an amount that was more than he thought, and Brother was correct about the amount, but it’s still not a lot of money. 

Brother is sweating  Mister about $2500, that he says their Dad promised him, which is less than Mister paid to bury their Mom, and a lot less than it is costing to have their Dad’s funeral and bury him. 

$2500 is not enough to cover ONE month of the expenses for the shit Brother has use of, living in their parent’s house with all the associated expenses and driving their Dad’s vehicle.

It is  really pissing me off that Brother even keeps talking about money.

[countrygirl2]

Looks like he could at least wait till his old dad is cold. Doesn't sound like he will be able to be there long anyway. Sounds like foreclosure coming for the house and probably the car being repossessed too and brother looking for a place to live. Oh well, that is what happens when you live off people.

It's really not you folks problem. I would let it go.