what are you doing right now?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

So when black pepper hits a hot stove surface it turns out you make pepper spray.

The good news is I can finally breathe out of my right nostril. Better than antihistamines.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 9, 2023 19:16:13 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

So when black pepper hits a hot stove surface it turns out you make pepper spray.

The good news is I can finally breathe out of my right nostril. Better than antihistamines.

At least it didn't get in your eye?

[Deleted]

MarionTh230  Thank you for the thoughtful balance you bring here when you post.  I truly appreciate your perspective

[raeoflyte]

Jul 9, 2023 18:00:23 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:21:12 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

If I could go back in time I would erase 20 years of people pleasing desperation aimed toward my in-laws. They tolerate me because I didn't go away, but nothing I've ever done has changed how they see me.

Now Chloe and her dh are not my in-laws and yes, I'd likely want them to think we'll of me. But I'd also like to prioritize myself more. Does the gf know that plans were changed to meet her schedule or did she say she'd like an early tee time and then one was scheduled? Either way, there are a lot of times in life I should have chosen myself and didn't. And if it's really going to be held against me that shows me even more that I need to choose myself over everyone else.

And that's fair. However, it wasn't put as "I'm not well. I'm need to take care of myself." It was put to us, by DS, as "Yeah, I just want to sleep in." 

However, it's why I've posed the situation here. While I don't need her to "please us", I have a problem with blatant disrespect. Is this blatant disrespect, immaturity/lack of manners, or something else? Should I just not worry about it? I am certainly not to the point I'd say something to her. It's more like, huh, how do I go forward here. 

Did she know you changed your plans around? I'd feel stronger about it if she did, but still not to the blatant disrespect without a lot more evidence. I guess I think it's likely that something could have been lost in translation, or a lot of other possibilities as have been suggested.

And she could just be rude. That I'd gauge more off of your ds and his type I guess. But for now I'd just not schedule plans around her and let it go.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jul 9, 2023 18:29:14 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:36:13 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I’ve always liked you for your thoughtful responses and your honesty. And this made me smile.

Mister just had his second appointment with a counselor a few days ago. He seems to like her, and she seems to be no nonsense. I might be biased in thinking that, but I liked it when he said that during his first appointment she told him that he was telling his daughters things that wasn’t their business in the first place.
 
She gave him 2 books to read and some homework, at his first appointment. He’s finished one book and is still working on the second. Today wasn’t the first time that he got upset and said “Let me go read my book”. LOL! 

So yes, he did get things straightened out and he is seeing a counselor. I’m glad about it, because I truly do believe he needs it. Thank you for remembering and asking about it.

I asked for two reasons.  One, because losing a parent is hard.  Even though it's part of the circle of life and all that jazz, it's hard.  Anybody who says differently is either naive, stupid, or outright lying.  Having to lose one parent to death and then face the facts that the other remaining parent isn't who you thought they were for your entire life is beyond comprehension to me.  It is too much.  It is not weak to seek help for that.  Seeking help from a professional is the most healthy way to deal with that.  And if you and Mister are going to be healthy together, it's important that he find ways to deal with this in a healthy in a manner.  Which means I am absolutely ecstatic that he found a professional that he connects with that he can rely on and that he can work with!!!

Past that, it feels like to me - as a random internet friend - that you are stretching your own boundaries, your own personal comfort levels, your own known stress tolerances, to accommodate this other person in your home.  And that you are doing so because of your love and caring and fondness for Mister.  Which is fine.  I'm certainly NOT here to judge.  But, if you are going to stretch yourself in those ways, I was wondering what work Mister was doing to try and deal with the emotional damage that has been laid at his feet.  Which means me asking about that was also because I was sort of watching your back in a non creepy random internet friend kind of way......

Having said all of that, I will also say that apparently I have not had an easy life.  I actually had an issue with my parent where I had to tell them to leave my home.  The parent that I had a relationship with, not the one I was estranged from.  The one that died last year that I still grieve for every day.  In the long run, we did work through our issues and I do believe our relationship was better for it, but damn was it hard when it all happened.

Let me say it was nothing like what you described.  It was much more tame.  My parent had health issues.  My parent came to live in my home.  At the time Kiddo was a baby.  And by baby think prior to and up to Kiddo's first birthday.  So I do mean "baby".  My parent chose to do things that were not in their best interest health-wise.  Things that were contrary to doctor recommendations.  On one hand, that is fine.  My body my choice doesn't just apply to me, it applies to every individual.  I did not shame my parent for their choice.  However, I also made it clear that I was not going to inconvenience myself or continue to provide a home for someone that did not make thoughtful choices about their own health.  That was my boundary.  Which means, I had to tell my parent to pack their things and leave my home.  No four letter words.  No negotiating.  Just a simple stating of the fact.  I did not react to any angry outbursts from my parent that came after I stated my boundary.  I recognized the anger (and fear) and simply remained steadfast in my boundary.

Granted, I had a baby to take care of.  While it was still hard and painful and difficult to enforce the boundary, it was easy for me to sleep at night because nothing on this planet was going to take me away from giving my baby a safe, loving, and caring environment.  Which means, a selfish adult had to leave.

Enforcing that boundary is much harder when we are adults with no minor children to think of.  It's easy to think to ourselves, oh it's not that bad, or I can handle it, or I can tolerate it for two days every other weekend.....or whatever other excuses we give ourselves.....like maybe.....it's not my place because it's not my parent?  

My point being, you are already thinking about the long game.  I know you are already thinking about how to navigate this mess in the long term.  Don't lose sight of your personal boundaries in the process though.  The reason you are feeling the way you are feeling and wanting to say nasty mean things is because your personal boundaries have been crossed.  It is up to you though if you want to move those boundaries (maybe temporarily while Mister works though things) or not (and subsequently cuss the old man out and tell him to GTFO of your house).  

Needless to say it's complicated.  There are so many variations you can choose.  None of them are right or wrong.  This isn't black or white.  It is all a gray area.  We will support you no matter what you choose to do.  

I only know from experience though that I would have already crossed that line and used all the four letter words and told that sorry excuse of a man exactly where he could go.  That does not mean that is the right answer for you.  It does mean we all empathize and sympathize with you though.

Lawd ha’mercy! At some point I don’t remember, I had to just skim the rest of your post. I am pretty much a puddle now, so I will have to revisit your post and the rest of this thread later.

[countrygirl2]

Did he do it on purpose? There is definitely something wrong with that old man. None of the stuff he does is normal, not even a nursing home would put up with that. He would be in depends and probably on drugs to sedate him and under their control. I really think he is off his rocker.

I have worked in the yard all day, since 11, I sat down for 20 minutes. Talked about going out to dinner and I was going to buy DIL and sons dinner. Now she went to Auburn and back and sister and BIL came back here too? I'm not buying all our dinners and they like to go to expensive places. She came and got little guy to take him swimming, good deal, he likes it and I need to buy DD and I a suit, don't have any that fit.
I told her I would let her know if I'm still going, nothing was decided, but I really am pooped and also not done. I want to finish so I won't have to do this again for some time. Got all the weeds pulled around the fence and I've mowed half of it. We have about a 1/3 acre here I think. But a push mower is not something I've used in years.

She is bringing him back in a couple of hours so that's ok. I did run to Walmart with him today, but I need to buy some lunch meat and a few things, bread and such. Just lunch for DD,little guy,and I at McD's was $30, ouch.

Wonder how many years I can keep this stuff up?

I would NEVER suggest DIL go for therapy, she would blow sky high. She wants help with stuff and all you hear is how the docs did it in Russia and she doesn't like docs here. She finally found a Russian doctor for her here, but have found none for grandson here. She has asked me to help her find one so need to do that and a dentist, but honestly, she won't like any picked, sigh.

His mom lets little guy run at the mall or in stores. I have explained to him you do not do that. I take him and tell him before he goes, don't do it and he does not. She seems to think that is fine, though I have explained it is not. She said oh it helps him burn off energy, gosh, wrong place.

And yes she lived through deprivation but so did I, so what can I say. It is a battle for me to let go too, but I'm doing better.

And I have never tried to make her beholden for anything we have given them. We don't demand they do this or that. But we have given them money twice for her a hobby shed and I think son put it on the house, I told hubs if we give it again it will be for that or we are not giving more, he agrees. That will help her clear out her 3rd bedroom. She needs it for when her sister and BIL want to stay or her mom, or any guests. They had 4 bedrooms in their other house, made a big difference.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Here is a very silly, first-world rant. 

Apparently--in the midst of having a tough start at my new job and trying to finish my doctoral program--I have not purchased an artichoke to cook at home since we moved out of our house in April 2022. Now, I love artichokes. For me to go this long without having one is just super unusual. I bought myself one a few days ago and planned to have it for dinner tonight. I couldn't find the electric steamer. DH reminded me that "the steamer didn't make the move".  I'd forgotten that it was fairly well broken and tossed it when I packed up our kitchen. I HAVE GONE A WHOLE YEAR AND THREE MONTHS WITHOUT A STEAMER OR AN ARTICHOKE!

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 9, 2023 19:07:41 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Jul 9, 2023 18:50:00 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Besides that, he's going to tell people you did xyz anyway. So it won't really matter what you do!

We're here for you! (Sorry, I have no money for bail.)

It's fine.  I'll cover your portion of the bail.  We've got this.  She wouldn't stay there for long!

Uh, bail Don't we have a freezer? 

[countrygirl2]

I just want to get my yard work done.

I'm going to finish mowing, it's mostly weeds as the grass is dead. I also want to stain my front porch, I just want this stuff done so I can move on and not have to deal with it, again this summer.

That and wash my windows, they need some stuff scrapped off outside, need to finish. Than I can enjoy myself. We always have our places ready to sell if we can. You never know, so we try and keep our personal places that way.

And I need to order DD and I swimsuits.

[NoNamePerson]

Jul 9, 2023 19:07:41 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Jul 9, 2023 18:50:00 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Besides that, he's going to tell people you did xyz anyway. So it won't really matter what you do!

We're here for you! (Sorry, I have no money for bail.)

It's fine.  I'll cover your portion of the bail.  We've got this.  She wouldn't stay there for long!

Holler if you need help! I’ve got experience in bailing out pEEps in three states. Adding another state will be a my learn something new for that day!    

[toomuchreality]

Jul 9, 2023 17:54:46 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I went to the tiny park near my house, hoping to see my favourite Fantastic Beast, a black 200 pound Mastiff. He likes me and and came running to say hi. He planted his massive paws on my shoulders and promptly knocked me down. I didn't stand a chance. I went down hard, and hit my wee head.  I may or may not have a concussion.

YIKES!
Take care of you.

[Pink Cashmere]

I don’t even want to talk about Mister’s stupid ass Dad anymore. I’d rather talk about my darn tomatoes that refuse to ripen even though I keep giving babying them as best as I know how. Or the fact that I planted some spoon tomato seeds yesterday, just to see what would happen. If I don’t get tomatoes from those seeds, it’s okay, I was just playing anyway.

Fuck all the dumb shit, just let me play with plants, even if I run like a maniac when a damn bug scares me.

[NoNamePerson]

Jul 9, 2023 19:21:51 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Here is a very silly, first-world rant. 

Apparently--in the midst of having a tough start at my new job and trying to finish my doctoral program--I have not purchased an artichoke to cook at home since we moved out of our house in April 2022. Now, I love artichokes. For me to go this long without having one is just super unusual. I bought myself one a few days ago and planned to have it for dinner tonight. I couldn't find the electric steamer. DH reminded me that "the steamer didn't make the move".  I'd forgotten that it was fairly well broken and tossed it when I packed up our kitchen. I HAVE GONE A WHOLE YEAR AND THREE MONTHS WITHOUT A STEAMER OR AN ARTICHOKE!

I actually planted artichoke this year. My first try. No sign of artichoke yet but the foliage is very pretty.

[cooper88]

Jul 9, 2023 19:22:42 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jul 9, 2023 19:07:41 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

It's fine.  I'll cover your portion of the bail.  We've got this.  She wouldn't stay there for long!

Uh, bail Don't we have a freezer? 

Several years ago, an older lady around here died. They found her husband in a deep freezer in her bedroom, with a chain and padlock around it.

[chiver78]

Jul 9, 2023 19:40:36 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

Jul 9, 2023 19:22:42 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Uh, bail Don't we have a freezer? 

Several years ago, an older lady around here died. They found her husband in a deep freezer in her bedroom, with a chain and padlock around it.

😳

[chiver78]

I'm about to clean up the kitchen and head to bed. I'm starting to hear booms, so I'm glad the ac is still on with the windows closed. I'll bundle LD in one of my blankets for the night.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jul 9, 2023 19:40:36 GMT -5 cooper88 said:

Jul 9, 2023 19:22:42 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Uh, bail Don't we have a freezer? 

Several years ago, an older lady around here died. They found her husband in a deep freezer in her bedroom, with a chain and padlock around it.

So THAT is how 2020 was unleashed. Did these people never watch horror movies?

Makes me think of the short story A Rose for Emily.

[NastyWoman]

Jul 9, 2023 17:54:46 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I went to the tiny park near my house, hoping to see my favourite Fantastic Beast, a black 200 pound Mastiff. He likes me and and came running to say hi. He planted his massive paws on my shoulders and promptly knocked me down. I didn't stand a chance. I went down hard, and hit my wee head.  I may or may not have a concussion.

[CCL]

How are you feeling tonight?weltschmerz Sorry you took a tumble, but hopefully no lasting effects.

[toomuchreality]

Jul 9, 2023 19:22:42 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jul 9, 2023 19:07:41 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

It's fine.  I'll cover your portion of the bail.  We've got this.  She wouldn't stay there for long!

Uh, bail Don't we have a freezer? 

I love this post! ❤ I don't know how I missed it.😳
But it was worth going back and looking for. 😁 🥰

[raeoflyte]

Susana- how's the house?

[weltschmerz]

Jul 9, 2023 20:02:29 GMT -5 CCL said:

How are you feeling tonight?weltschmerz Sorry you took a tumble, but hopefully no lasting effects.

I just have a bad headache. I tried to test my pupils, but I don't have a flashlight. I tried to use a lighter and almost set my hair on fire.

[The Walk of the Penguin Mich]

Jul 9, 2023 17:56:15 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:20:54 GMT -5 swamp said:

She’s 26 and can’t get up at 8 after going to bed at 1? 

huge pansy. 

See, that was my thought too, but sometimes people say I'm judgy. 

I didn’t even catch that!  We had TD’s cousin staying last night.  Lotta wine and scotch was drunk, and we all rolled into bed sometime around 12:30.  I was up at 6:30 making coffee for them to hit the road at 7.  I’m 63.

[raeoflyte]

I've been retelling all the stories of the niblings none of which paint them in a very good light, which is terrible because it was fun and I'm glad I did it. They're just exhausting. Everything is an attempted negotiation with them that I just don't remember with my kids. Nothing is enough, they always want more. I'm sure it's just selective amnesia and survival of the species that makes me feel like mine weren't just like that.

Anyway, we're talking over dinner and dh tells the kids we've decided to have a baby which made everyone laugh. Best birth control ever. I'd schedule the hysterectomy right now if it weren't for the 8 week recovery time.

[MarionTh230]

Jul 9, 2023 20:38:17 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I've been retelling all the stories of the niblings none of which paint them in a very good light, which is terrible because it was fun and I'm glad I did it. They're just exhausting. Everything is an attempted negotiation with them that I just don't remember with my kids. Nothing is enough, they always want more. I'm sure it's just selective amnesia and survival of the species that makes me feel like mine weren't just like that.

Anyway, we're talking over dinner and dh tells the kids we've decided to have a baby which made everyone laugh. Best birth control ever. I'd schedule the hysterectomy right now if it weren't for the 8 week recovery time.

I vote for selective amnesia. Kiddo is still is the negotiation phase. Some days are better than others, but yes, it is completely exhausting. I only have one though so I can wear her down. Seems like it would be trickier with two because they feed off each other? When one gets tired of negotiating the other just tags in? Also, I just reminded DH last week to make an appointment with the urologist. 

[CCL]

Jul 9, 2023 20:38:17 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I've been retelling all the stories of the niblings none of which paint them in a very good light, which is terrible because it was fun and I'm glad I did it. They're just exhausting. Everything is an attempted negotiation with them that I just don't remember with my kids. Nothing is enough, they always want more. I'm sure it's just selective amnesia and survival of the species that makes me feel like mine weren't just like that.

Anyway, we're talking over dinner and dh tells the kids we've decided to have a baby which made everyone laugh. Best birth control ever. I'd schedule the hysterectomy right now if it weren't for the 8 week recovery time.

It may not take 8 weeks. I was pretty much back to normal after a week. The biggest issue I had was that my doc would only give my Tylenol for pain relief. I finally got a nurse who convinced him I needed a morphine pump.

[Works4me]

Jul 9, 2023 10:02:45 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

The remainder of my day will be to do a final run through on the draft of my last dissertation chapter and send it off to my advisor. 

Yay for such great progress!!!

How will you wish to be addressed - Knee Deep Dr. Chloe or Dr. Knee Deep or Dr. Under Water Chloe ... So many options!

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I found a chocolate bar at Aldi that has peanuts and cornflakes in it.

Damn it's good. I hope they don't discontinue it. May have to grab more next weekend.

[Works4me]

Jul 9, 2023 10:45:51 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

DH less so.😉 I'm thinking he's worried I may make him sleep in the backyard so I have room for my Christmas display.

Still not at 450 individual trees like a couple on Facebook. That's the bar I use to argue I don't have a problem.

And the problem with that would be??? 😎
Seriously, great score - eagerly awaiting pix!

[lurkyloo]

Returned from our adventure and totally unprepared to return to work tomorrow.  Clothes are laundered and groceries are shopped, at least.

Things I learned:

The eastern part of the PNW is hothothot ow.  It is also surprisingly expensive, more so than the DC metro area.
Everything there is closed Sunday and Monday and Tuesday was July 4 so we basically had Wed and Thurs to get things done.
It is apparently possible to lose an eye in childbirth 
My one great great grandmother had a college degree, about 1870
Her husband my great great grandfather was a state senator 
My great great great grandfather on another branch was a Rapey McRaperson laird of the castle 
My second cousin’s husband was ill enough they didn’t expect him to be allowed out of the hospital to attend his daughter’s wedding 
I knew Dad’s one cousin had a llama farm.  It turns out he also had a munitions testing range right next to it.  I am stuck with the noise not bothering the llamas, as his brother claimed.
My great aunt apparently used my then 5yo father as an initial pretext to talk to the man she eventually married, asking him to take Dad to the bathroom.  I feel like that would get you arrested, or possibly assaulted by the child’s mother these days.
Saw a few of the buildings my great grandfather designed; did not plan well enough ahead to get to see interiors.
I do not recommend anyone fly anywhere ever, or at least until demand dies down.  Airports suck.