what are you doing right now?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Jul 9, 2023 17:26:49 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:24:44 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I agree with everything you said. Mister doesn’t even know that I said anything to his Dad. I’m sure it was fodder for his Dad’s gossiping and he is or has told it how he wanted to. I do not give a fuck. He can write a letter about it to the President or the ruler of the universe, and I still wouldn’t give a fuck.

FWIW, the toilet works just fine. His Dad always has diarrhea because he has a sugar addiction even though he takes meds for diabetes. He sneaks sugar behind Mister’s back. The bathroom was a shitty mess. And he had the nerve to be a smart mouth asshole about it when Mister saw it and confronted him. Thank God I don’t even go in that bathroom, because if I’d been the one to see it first, the whole world would’ve known it by the time I lost my whole mind and acted a big fucking fool, because that kind of shit is WAYYYY beyond my pay grade…. as in you can’t even pay me enough to deal with bodily fluids like that. I’ll starve first. I’ll do something strange for some change with some PPE before I do that. I just CAN NOT.

So. Mr's Dad has learned he literally can shit all over and someone else will clean up his mess.

How, exactly, do you think this is a problem for Mr's Dad?

Grandma did that too but at least it was her own house.

WTF is wrong with these people that they think these types of games are acceptable? What is the thought process that leads you to shitting on the floor or peeing on the couch for attention?



I can understand when you've reached a point you can't control it anymore. Then you should be taking steps like having a potty in the living room or wearing disposable underwear to minimize accidents.






It's another to do it as a power play and with your own kids no less.



That is behavior you expect from animals and even animals can be trained not to do that.

You can't not pee or shit on the floor I'm taking you where someone gets paid to clean it up. You want to live at home use the toilet the way you've been expected to since you were two.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 9, 2023 16:58:45 GMT -5 Opti said:

Jul 9, 2023 16:40:22 GMT -5 daisylu said:

How old are they? I would be mad that I was stood up, and would not likely make plans in the future - which you should have relayed to DS. IMO, your relationship is with your son. Make plans with him - if she shows she shows, but I would no longer plans around her.

Also, this is not just a possible diss of you but putting your son in an awkward position. Maybe they had a fight, and he did not want to share that?

I suppose that's possible; I don't know though. DS is brutally honest. I don't think he'd make up a reason to cover up for something else. It's just not who he is. 

[weltschmerz]

I went to the tiny park near my house, hoping to see my favourite Fantastic Beast, a black 200 pound Mastiff. He likes me and and came running to say hi. He planted his massive paws on my shoulders and promptly knocked me down. I didn't stand a chance. I went down hard, and hit my wee head.  I may or may not have a concussion.

[seriousthistime]

Jul 9, 2023 16:23:57 GMT -5 giramomma said:

I agree, and also think this depends.
Maybe it's because I worked with/for grad students/families, and they were older/more mature.

Folks from the US and territories were too poor to worry extras. Like, I had to be careful when I cashed their checks otherwise the checks would bounce. Grandparents were subsidizing kids' lessons. I taught folks who used drying racks to dry most of their clothes because that saved a little bit or were at least a month behind on their electricity bill.

I taught mostly asian folks (Koreans and Chinese). These were not folks that were spending. One Korean family I taught, the mom had an oopsie. 5 people (mom, dad, infant, and like a 7 year old girl and 9 year old boy) sharing a two bedroom. The boy and girl slept in one bedroom.

Another family saved so they could afford to have their parents come from china for like 3 months out of the year.

I'm currently teaching a little chinese girl...her mom is getting her PhD, so they live in University student housing. Dad and big Sister are living in a big city 3.5 hours away. The little girl is currently wearing water shoes as her normal shoes. And not keens. We're talking target brand. Clothe are old, whatever other folks hand down to her.

I think that grad student couples from other countries are a different story than someone who moves to the US, expecting a certain amount of luxury from an American spouse.  The idea of living a comfortable American life can morph into expectations of a more lavish lifestyle. 

Take my illustrious XH, who moved his Asian mistress to town.  While we worked toward finalizing our divorce (which was not even filed until after she showed up sporting a huge diamond ring), she set expectations for a lavish lifestyle.  I think he had to play the part of a wealthy American to lure her here, so he probably cultivated those expectations to an extent, promising that her lifestyle would be several orders of magnitude higher than what she had in her home country.  (I myself could spend money, but more often in the marriage I was the one pumping the brakes.  For example, why did we have to spend 3 WEEKS in Hawaii?  Why wasn't one week enough? Our fights were usually that he wanted to spend more than I did.)  So, I don't think he did much to discourage her expectations but he had no idea how lavish her expectations would be.  Designer clothes, the huge McMansion, luxurious worldwide travel, etc.  The police had to weigh in on at least one of their fights over her spending. She expected Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous and didn't like being told no. 

She now carries his balls around in her Chanel purse. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 9, 2023 17:20:54 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:04:55 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

She's the one who asked for that particular tee time. 

We've not interacted with her enough to have patterns. She's been to our house for dinner three times. We've gone out to dinner once. 

She's 26. DS still came with us. HIs explanation was that she is just figuring out that having multiple activities in a 24-hour period can be daunting. 

She’s 26 and can’t get up at 8 after going to bed at 1? 

huge pansy. 

See, that was my thought too, but sometimes people say I'm judgy. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 9, 2023 17:21:12 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:13:12 GMT -5 The Walk of the Penguin Mich said:

Wouldn’t you think that you’d not really want to stand up your BF’s parents?  That doesn’t make you look very good in their eyes.

If I could go back in time I would erase 20 years of people pleasing desperation aimed toward my in-laws. They tolerate me because I didn't go away, but nothing I've ever done has changed how they see me.

Now Chloe and her dh are not my in-laws and yes, I'd likely want them to think we'll of me. But I'd also like to prioritize myself more. Does the gf know that plans were changed to meet her schedule or did she say she'd like an early tee time and then one was scheduled? Either way, there are a lot of times in life I should have chosen myself and didn't. And if it's really going to be held against me that shows me even more that I need to choose myself over everyone else.

And that's fair. However, it wasn't put as "I'm not well. I'm need to take care of myself." It was put to us, by DS, as "Yeah, I just want to sleep in." 

However, it's why I've posed the situation here. While I don't need her to "please us", I have a problem with blatant disrespect. Is this blatant disrespect, immaturity/lack of manners, or something else? Should I just not worry about it? I am certainly not to the point I'd say something to her. It's more like, huh, how do I go forward here. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Jul 9, 2023 17:08:11 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jul 9, 2023 15:33:40 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I’m trying to write this shit out to try to calm my nerves some. It’s not working.

I’m sitting in the garage with the door up, because it’s raining. Watching the rain often soothes me. That’s not working either right now. 

I’m just really angry right now and in a horrible mood, so I guess I need to just accept that that’s what it is right now instead of trying to fight it, since nothings’s working anyway.

Pink.

As long as you and Mister have his Dad over, you are going to have these things.

The problem, with our parents, of course, is we can't have the same boundaries as our kids.

Mister's Dad is not going to change. You can tell him off. All he and your mom are going to do is push buttons and get everyone all reacting. It's just going to make things ugly.

Which leaves the onus on you and Mr. to change the dance.

Look. I know I've said this, but I'll say it again. My mom told me having a kid like me was one of the worst things that could have happened to her. This was after dad died, and while I was on chemo.

My mom was also so paranoid about my diagnosis that she insisted that I mail half of her house keys back to her. Because, you know, I was going to die before she did. And apparently my DH has nothing better to do than go to her house unannounced and start rifling through her things after my death. Because of course a new widower with 3 minor children has ALL the free time in the world for such thing.

My mom wants to talk about why I'm currently on very low contact with her.

I just don't engage. There's no point.

And it's not the first time she's done these things.

If you and Mr. don't participate, there's no power struggle. There's no adult parent trying to assert dominance over an adult child.

If you and Mr are serious about setting boundaries about how you'll be treated, Mr. should have escorted his dad out of your house the minute his dad called him a fucking shit.  I'm not saying it's easy. But, it really is the best solution. Instead, Mr's dad got emotionally rewarded by pushing your buttons. And Mr's.

You'll decide when you are ready to prioritize your health.

I am on very low contact with my mom, because I have to prioritize my mental health.

I'm not mean and cruel. I promise. I was willing to spend our own money to help mom get her heat fixed when she wasn't going to do anything other than sit in a 50 degree house for days on end. I helped her when dad died. These are real crises that I will be there for.

Listening to her bitch about me, the neighbors, dad, everyone that has wronged her, or the mail service..not a crisis.

And, turns out, she can figure some things out on her own. Of course, she doesn't want to. But she can.

Why would I enable her?

I understand what you are saying, and I sincerely appreciate you sharing from your point of view. 

But first, Mister didn’t hear his Dad calling him a fucking shit. I don’t sit in my yoga room often, so his Dad almost certainly didn’t expect me to be in there, where I could hear him. He is on my nerves so bad that I couldn’t just let it slide. Mister still does not know I said anything to his Dad.

I agree that his Dad won’t change, just like I’ve accepted that my Mom won’t change. But what happened with my Mom when I started talking to her like a stranger on the street, the same way I’d felt for years that she’d been treating me, she stopped playing with me about the things that were and are very clearly important to me. That’s fact. 

I don’t think Mister’s Dad is all that different from my Mom. He’s not crazy. He and his wife had an issue with me several years ago because my insistence that Mister have better boundaries if he wanted to be with me had unintended consequences on my part, because he had to deal with boundaries with them too. Even though that wasn’t on my radar, it was like many things in life, you can’t just fix a problem in one isolated area of your life, the problem likely shows up in multiple areas of your life. And I was the bad guy. And I gave no fucks, because unlike them, I cared enough about Mister to want him to be healthy, for his own well being, regardless of our relationship status.

The same still applies today. If he’s not strong enough to enforce boundaries with his Dad, I have no problem enforcing boundaries with his Dad in MY home. Especially now that I know who he really is. If Mister has a problem with that, then I guess we have a relationship problem, because all I’ve ever wanted for Mister is what’s best for him.

Mister’s Dad, like most people, prefers to take the path of least resistance. If I say and do what Mister is not willing to say and do, when warranted, he’s not going to want to spend time here. And in my mind, that will just be the natural consequences of somebody being unwilling to suffer in silence and put up with your bullshit. 

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I’m right. Either way, that's how it’s gonna go, and the chips are gonna have to fall where they may.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 9, 2023 17:42:15 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:20:54 GMT -5 swamp said:

She’s 26 and can’t get up at 8 after going to bed at 1? 

huge pansy. 

Lol, I went to bed at 1 and got up at 11 today. I never sleep through the night and need more time in bed than 7 hours. Woke up at 4 to pee and realized husband left the lights on downstairs, then the cats started at 5, got up at 5:30 to feed them, then husband woke me up at 8:30 to see if I was able to sleep through the hammering noise outside. WTF, dude.


I have generalized anxiety disorder and never know when plans I've made will become daunting and impossible the day of. I've bailed on many concerts and parties over the years, sometimes even when I was halfway to my destination.
I'm not saying GF has an anxiety disorder and that it's okay to bail on plans with a partner's parents. For all we know she was really hungover and son is covering for her. I've definitely missed events with my MIL because I was too busy vomiting up the previous night's fun! I'm just glad everyone in my life has given me grace and understands. Just keep her at arms length and don't make plans around her schedule anymore, Chloe.

How soon into a familial relationship do you explain about the anxiety? I could see not wanting us to know about that yet. OR, more realistically, that she has that or even just tendencies and really doesn't know it. Again though, we've only interacted with her four times now, and there were absolutely no deep conversations. 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 9, 2023 17:28:53 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:25:47 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

At 26 she can't figure out multiple events in one day?!

And what if she's neurodivergent and has some issues with executive functioning skills? What if she's depressed and doesn't realize it?

There's just not enough information known about this girl, her motives, etc that we should be hauling out the pitch forks for her?

I'm not to pitch forks yet; nor even a "mom look of death" at her. Promise. 
I do think asking for an event to be arranged and then not showing up to said event is rude. 
I am looking for other reasons instead of just immediately going to  "good grief, she's just rude!". 

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 9, 2023 17:41:30 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:20:54 GMT -5 swamp said:

She’s 26 and can’t get up at 8 after going to bed at 1? 

huge pansy. 

I won't even go into my street running days after my divorce and I was in my 40's. 

Chloe sits at her desk wondering if she wants more information about NNP's street running days. 

[Pink Cashmere]

And for the record, my Mom has been whining and complaining about how long it’s been since she’s been to my house. Well ma’am, that’s because you don’t know how to act. 

So it’s not just Mister’s Dad that I’m on the warpath on. I haven’t let my own Mom come over here for at least a year, because she doesn’t know how to act either.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Jul 9, 2023 17:51:21 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:26:49 GMT -5 giramomma said:

So. Mr's Dad has learned he literally can shit all over and someone else will clean up his mess.

How, exactly, do you think this is a problem for Mr's Dad?

Grandma did that too but at least it was her own house.

WTF is wrong with these people that they think these types of games are acceptable? What is the thought process that leads you to shitting on the floor or peeing on the couch for attention?



I can understand when you've reached a point you can't control it anymore. Then you should be taking steps like having a potty in the living room or wearing disposable underwear to minimize accidents.






It's another to do it as a power play and with your own kids no less.



That is behavior you expect from animals and even animals can be trained not to do that.

You can't not pee or shit on the floor I'm taking you where someone gets paid to clean it up. You want to live at home use the toilet the way you've been expected to since you were two.

Our older son's wife's mother does this frequently and in public. Our DIL cannot explain it except that her mother is mentally ill. Her mom's been doing it most of DIL's late teens and adult life. So wacky. 

[Pink Cashmere]

Jul 9, 2023 17:35:54 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:24:44 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I agree with everything you said. Mister doesn’t even know that I said anything to his Dad. I’m sure it was fodder for his Dad’s gossiping and he is or has told it how he wanted to. I do not give a fuck. He can write a letter about it to the President or the ruler of the universe, and I still wouldn’t give a fuck.

FWIW, the toilet works just fine. His Dad always has diarrhea because he has a sugar addiction even though he takes meds for diabetes. He sneaks sugar behind Mister’s back. The bathroom was a shitty mess. And he had the nerve to be a smart mouth asshole about it when Mister saw it and confronted him. Thank God I don’t even go in that bathroom, because if I’d been the one to see it first, the whole world would’ve known it by the time I lost my whole mind and acted a big fucking fool, because that kind of shit is WAYYYY beyond my pay grade…. as in you can’t even pay me enough to deal with bodily fluids like that. I’ll starve first. I’ll do something strange for some change with some PPE before I do that. I just CAN NOT.

Not to belittle your situation at all, but "I'll do something strange for some change" is now a permanent fixture in my vocabulary. Thank you.

😂😂😂

[giramomma]

Jul 9, 2023 18:00:57 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mister’s Dad, like most people, prefers to take the path of least resistance. If I say and do what Mister is not willing to say and do, when warranted, he’s not going to want to spend time here. And in my mind, that will just be the natural consequences of somebody being unwilling to suffer in silence and put up with your bullshit. 

So what if you called out Mister's dad verbally. Do you think he cares? Do you think that's going to change his behavior, especially if Mr's dad gets some sort of emotional hit from the interaction?

It is a perfectly reasonably boundary to request that your house guests be able to use a bathroom or wear adult diapers if they can't. If guests don't like it, then they don't need to come visit.

[NoNamePerson]

Jul 9, 2023 18:08:59 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:41:30 GMT -5 NoNamePerson said:

I won't even go into my street running days after my divorce and I was in my 40's. 

Chloe sits at her desk wondering if she wants more information about NNP's street running days. 

 I’m to private to post and most wouldn’t believe it!  But this ole broad had one hell of a good time and don’t regret one minute!  

[swamp]

Jul 9, 2023 17:54:46 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I went to the tiny park near my house, hoping to see my favourite Fantastic Beast, a black 200 pound Mastiff. He likes me and and came running to say hi. He planted his massive paws on my shoulders and promptly knocked me down. I didn't stand a chance. I went down hard, and hit my wee head.  I may or may not have a concussion.

If it’s my time to die, I’m ok with being taken out by 200 pounds of drooling fluffy love 

[Cookies Galore]

Jul 9, 2023 18:04:32 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:42:15 GMT -5 Cookies Galore said:

Lol, I went to bed at 1 and got up at 11 today. I never sleep through the night and need more time in bed than 7 hours. Woke up at 4 to pee and realized husband left the lights on downstairs, then the cats started at 5, got up at 5:30 to feed them, then husband woke me up at 8:30 to see if I was able to sleep through the hammering noise outside. WTF, dude.


I have generalized anxiety disorder and never know when plans I've made will become daunting and impossible the day of. I've bailed on many concerts and parties over the years, sometimes even when I was halfway to my destination.
I'm not saying GF has an anxiety disorder and that it's okay to bail on plans with a partner's parents. For all we know she was really hungover and son is covering for her. I've definitely missed events with my MIL because I was too busy vomiting up the previous night's fun! I'm just glad everyone in my life has given me grace and understands. Just keep her at arms length and don't make plans around her schedule anymore, Chloe.

How soon into a familial relationship do you explain about the anxiety? I could see not wanting us to know about that yet. OR, more realistically, that she has that or even just tendencies and really doesn't know it. Again though, we've only interacted with her four times now, and there were absolutely no deep conversations. 

I usually just explain as I need to. I'm not delving into my whole... thing... from the get go, lol. She very well could also just be an asshole with zero social skills. I try to at least be apologetic when I back out last minute.

[andi9899]

Jul 9, 2023 17:56:15 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:20:54 GMT -5 swamp said:

She’s 26 and can’t get up at 8 after going to bed at 1? 

huge pansy. 

See, that was my thought too, but sometimes people say I'm judgy. 

I judge people all day long. Just come sit by me.

[Pink Cashmere]

I have to go back and read through the posts since my last post. But Mister, Kiddo and Mr. Messy just came in the garage so Mister could take them home. Mr. Messy said “I sorry baby, do you forgive me?” I said “NO”. He said well can I have a hug? I said Nope. 

He probably thinks I’m crazy now. Ask me if I care. I DO NOT!

[MarionTh230]

Jul 9, 2023 17:36:13 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:05:23 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Is Mister still seeking professional help in terms of either therapy or grief counseling?  I know you had said at one time he had something set up but there were some issues/miscommunication/wires crossed about appointment times or payers (something about VA maybe?)?  I don't remember the details, but has he moved forward with getting any outside professional assistance?

Because I'm going to be painfully honest.  I would have already cussed that old man out and told him to GTFO of my house.  So I don't have much advice to help you find your inner peace.

I’ve always liked you for your thoughtful responses and your honesty. And this made me smile.

Mister just had his second appointment with a counselor a few days ago. He seems to like her, and she seems to be no nonsense. I might be biased in thinking that, but I liked it when he said that during his first appointment she told him that he was telling his daughters things that wasn’t their business in the first place.
 
She gave him 2 books to read and some homework, at his first appointment. He’s finished one book and is still working on the second. Today wasn’t the first time that he got upset and said “Let me go read my book”. LOL! 

So yes, he did get things straightened out and he is seeing a counselor. I’m glad about it, because I truly do believe he needs it. Thank you for remembering and asking about it.

I asked for two reasons.  One, because losing a parent is hard.  Even though it's part of the circle of life and all that jazz, it's hard.  Anybody who says differently is either naive, stupid, or outright lying.  Having to lose one parent to death and then face the facts that the other remaining parent isn't who you thought they were for your entire life is beyond comprehension to me.  It is too much.  It is not weak to seek help for that.  Seeking help from a professional is the most healthy way to deal with that.  And if you and Mister are going to be healthy together, it's important that he find ways to deal with this in a healthy in a manner.  Which means I am absolutely ecstatic that he found a professional that he connects with that he can rely on and that he can work with!!!

Past that, it feels like to me - as a random internet friend - that you are stretching your own boundaries, your own personal comfort levels, your own known stress tolerances, to accommodate this other person in your home.  And that you are doing so because of your love and caring and fondness for Mister.  Which is fine.  I'm certainly NOT here to judge.  But, if you are going to stretch yourself in those ways, I was wondering what work Mister was doing to try and deal with the emotional damage that has been laid at his feet.  Which means me asking about that was also because I was sort of watching your back in a non creepy random internet friend kind of way......

Having said all of that, I will also say that apparently I have not had an easy life.  I actually had an issue with my parent where I had to tell them to leave my home.  The parent that I had a relationship with, not the one I was estranged from.  The one that died last year that I still grieve for every day.  In the long run, we did work through our issues and I do believe our relationship was better for it, but damn was it hard when it all happened.

Let me say it was nothing like what you described.  It was much more tame.  My parent had health issues.  My parent came to live in my home.  At the time Kiddo was a baby.  And by baby think prior to and up to Kiddo's first birthday.  So I do mean "baby".  My parent chose to do things that were not in their best interest health-wise.  Things that were contrary to doctor recommendations.  On one hand, that is fine.  My body my choice doesn't just apply to me, it applies to every individual.  I did not shame my parent for their choice.  However, I also made it clear that I was not going to inconvenience myself or continue to provide a home for someone that did not make thoughtful choices about their own health.  That was my boundary.  Which means, I had to tell my parent to pack their things and leave my home.  No four letter words.  No negotiating.  Just a simple stating of the fact.  I did not react to any angry outbursts from my parent that came after I stated my boundary.  I recognized the anger (and fear) and simply remained steadfast in my boundary.

Granted, I had a baby to take care of.  While it was still hard and painful and difficult to enforce the boundary, it was easy for me to sleep at night because nothing on this planet was going to take me away from giving my baby a safe, loving, and caring environment.  Which means, a selfish adult had to leave.

Enforcing that boundary is much harder when we are adults with no minor children to think of.  It's easy to think to ourselves, oh it's not that bad, or I can handle it, or I can tolerate it for two days every other weekend.....or whatever other excuses we give ourselves.....like maybe.....it's not my place because it's not my parent?  

My point being, you are already thinking about the long game.  I know you are already thinking about how to navigate this mess in the long term.  Don't lose sight of your personal boundaries in the process though.  The reason you are feeling the way you are feeling and wanting to say nasty mean things is because your personal boundaries have been crossed.  It is up to you though if you want to move those boundaries (maybe temporarily while Mister works though things) or not (and subsequently cuss the old man out and tell him to GTFO of your house).  

Needless to say it's complicated.  There are so many variations you can choose.  None of them are right or wrong.  This isn't black or white.  It is all a gray area.  We will support you no matter what you choose to do.  

I only know from experience though that I would have already crossed that line and used all the four letter words and told that sorry excuse of a man exactly where he could go.  That does not mean that is the right answer for you.  It does mean we all empathize and sympathize with you though.

[NancysSummerSip]

Jul 9, 2023 18:26:18 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I have to go back and read through the posts since my last post. But Mister, Kiddo and Mr. Messy just came in the garage so Mister could take them home. Mr. Messy said “I sorry baby, do you forgive me?” I said “NO”. He said well can I have a hug? I said Nope. 

He probably thinks I’m crazy now. Ask me if I care. I DO NOT!

You DO care. About YOU. and your boundaries. Bravo for drawing carving those in the ground with a nice, sharp object. And you're still a better person than I. I would have grabbed Mr Messy by the shirt collar and rubbed his face and privates in his mess.

[MarionTh230]

Jul 9, 2023 17:56:15 GMT -5 Knee Deep in Water Chloe said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:20:54 GMT -5 swamp said:

She’s 26 and can’t get up at 8 after going to bed at 1? 

huge pansy. 

See, that was my thought too, but sometimes people say I'm judgy. 

I don't think you're judgy.  

I was sitting here thinking 26.....wow that was fun!!!  That was about a year after DH and I married though.....so not as fun as I initially thought?!  But, certainly an age where I would mess things up and not do things right, and basically learned a lot of things in life the hard way.

If you are annoyed, I'd say that makes sense.
If you are irritated, I'd say that makes sense.
If you are feeling just generally curmudgeonly about it, I'd say that makes sense.

If you are planning ways to thwart their romance and never be in the same room with her for the rest of your life.....well....that may be going a bit too far   

But, yeah, she sounds like she's just doing life the hard way.  BTDT got the t-shirt.  Maybe they will last.  Maybe they won't.  Maybe she will grow.  Maybe she won't.

Be annoyed for now.  If it happens again, take more stringent notes.  Because it could mean more then.

[MarionTh230]

Jul 9, 2023 18:26:18 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I have to go back and read through the posts since my last post. But Mister, Kiddo and Mr. Messy just came in the garage so Mister could take them home. Mr. Messy said “I sorry baby, do you forgive me?” I said “NO”. He said well can I have a hug? I said Nope. 

He probably thinks I’m crazy now. Ask me if I care. I DO NOT!

Da fuq?!?!?!

You aren't the crazy one.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jul 9, 2023 17:51:21 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:26:49 GMT -5 giramomma said:

So. Mr's Dad has learned he literally can shit all over and someone else will clean up his mess.

How, exactly, do you think this is a problem for Mr's Dad?

Grandma did that too but at least it was her own house.

WTF is wrong with these people that they think these types of games are acceptable? What is the thought process that leads you to shitting on the floor or peeing on the couch for attention?



I can understand when you've reached a point you can't control it anymore. Then you should be taking steps like having a potty in the living room or wearing disposable underwear to minimize accidents.






It's another to do it as a power play and with your own kids no less.



That is behavior you expect from animals and even animals can be trained not to do that.

You can't not pee or shit on the floor I'm taking you where someone gets paid to clean it up. You want to live at home use the toilet the way you've been expected to since you were two.

Lord yes, because I’m not built for all that. If that’s the kind of help you need, you need to be somewhere that people get paid for dealing with that, because I can’t and I won’t.

When I use babysit my Grandbabies when they were still in diapers, I use to tell DD that if they pooped in their diaper, they’d be on the front porch waiting for her to get back. I’m not that crazy, and never did that, but if I’d rather not change my own Grandbabies’ poopy diapers, you know damn well I’m not trying to clean up a grown ass adult’s poop. Actually, grown ass adults don’t poop, they SHIT. And I don’t want anything to do with cleaning that.

[weltschmerz]

Jul 9, 2023 18:19:02 GMT -5 swamp said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:54:46 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I went to the tiny park near my house, hoping to see my favourite Fantastic Beast, a black 200 pound Mastiff. He likes me and and came running to say hi. He planted his massive paws on my shoulders and promptly knocked me down. I didn't stand a chance. I went down hard, and hit my wee head.  I may or may not have a concussion.

If it’s my time to die, I’m ok with being taken out by 200 pounds of drooling fluffy love 

Beats being taken out by a snowplow.

[Pink Cashmere]

Jul 9, 2023 17:26:49 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:24:44 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I agree with everything you said. Mister doesn’t even know that I said anything to his Dad. I’m sure it was fodder for his Dad’s gossiping and he is or has told it how he wanted to. I do not give a fuck. He can write a letter about it to the President or the ruler of the universe, and I still wouldn’t give a fuck.

FWIW, the toilet works just fine. His Dad always has diarrhea because he has a sugar addiction even though he takes meds for diabetes. He sneaks sugar behind Mister’s back. The bathroom was a shitty mess. And he had the nerve to be a smart mouth asshole about it when Mister saw it and confronted him. Thank God I don’t even go in that bathroom, because if I’d been the one to see it first, the whole world would’ve known it by the time I lost my whole mind and acted a big fucking fool, because that kind of shit is WAYYYY beyond my pay grade…. as in you can’t even pay me enough to deal with bodily fluids like that. I’ll starve first. I’ll do something strange for some change with some PPE before I do that. I just CAN NOT.

So. Mr's Dad has learned he literally can shit all over and someone else will clean up his mess.

How, exactly, do you think this is a problem for Mr's Dad?

Trust me, I can be bitchy enough to make it his problem. I can’t make him clean it to my standards, but I can make him put in some effort if he wants to get past me to get out of the bathroom. When I’m really pissed off, I have all the time in the world to make my point.

Ask my Momma.

[toomuchreality]

Jul 9, 2023 14:25:48 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Jul 9, 2023 13:50:31 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

My Grandmomma is just gon have to reach down and slap the shit outta me because I’m bout to cuss this man clean the fuck out. The whole fucking house is in an uproar because of him and he’s still picking at Mister and being a smart ass. I’ve said something once, if I have to say something again, it’s gon be with a bunch of cussing. And I mean that. 

Well, you have tried being kind and understanding and helpful; none of that worked.  You have tried being hands-off and letting Mister handle his dad; that didn’t work.  Telling his father off and putting the fear of Pink in him may be your best option.

Besides that, he's going to tell people you did xyz anyway. So it won't really matter what you do!

We're here for you! (Sorry, I have no money for bail.)

[MarionTh230]

Jul 9, 2023 18:50:00 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Jul 9, 2023 14:25:48 GMT -5 mollyanna58 said:

Well, you have tried being kind and understanding and helpful; none of that worked.  You have tried being hands-off and letting Mister handle his dad; that didn’t work.  Telling his father off and putting the fear of Pink in him may be your best option.

Besides that, he's going to tell people you did xyz anyway. So it won't really matter what you do!

We're here for you! (Sorry, I have no money for bail.)

It's fine.  I'll cover your portion of the bail.  We've got this.  She wouldn't stay there for long!

[Deleted]

Jul 9, 2023 17:35:54 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Jul 9, 2023 17:24:44 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I agree with everything you said. Mister doesn’t even know that I said anything to his Dad. I’m sure it was fodder for his Dad’s gossiping and he is or has told it how he wanted to. I do not give a fuck. He can write a letter about it to the President or the ruler of the universe, and I still wouldn’t give a fuck.

FWIW, the toilet works just fine. His Dad always has diarrhea because he has a sugar addiction even though he takes meds for diabetes. He sneaks sugar behind Mister’s back. The bathroom was a shitty mess. And he had the nerve to be a smart mouth asshole about it when Mister saw it and confronted him. Thank God I don’t even go in that bathroom, because if I’d been the one to see it first, the whole world would’ve known it by the time I lost my whole mind and acted a big fucking fool, because that kind of shit is WAYYYY beyond my pay grade…. as in you can’t even pay me enough to deal with bodily fluids like that. I’ll starve first. I’ll do something strange for some change with some PPE before I do that. I just CAN NOT.

Not to belittle your situation at all, but "I'll do something strange for some change" is now a permanent fixture in my vocabulary. Thank you.

It's the idea of "I'll do something strange for some change with some PPE....." that is getting me.  I'm getting weird visuals of masks, visors, full gown, booties and gloves going with whatever strange is going down. On one side, I'm seeing an old fool with a knit throw wrapped around his lower regions and a blanket over his head, and on the other I'm seeing a woman with full PPE opening up a can of whoop ass and a can or two of bug spray, all with that Boy dog backing her up.  

[Pink Cashmere]

Jul 9, 2023 18:13:54 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Jul 9, 2023 18:00:57 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mister’s Dad, like most people, prefers to take the path of least resistance. If I say and do what Mister is not willing to say and do, when warranted, he’s not going to want to spend time here. And in my mind, that will just be the natural consequences of somebody being unwilling to suffer in silence and put up with your bullshit. 

So what if you called out Mister's dad verbally. Do you think he cares? Do you think that's going to change his behavior, especially if Mr's dad gets some sort of emotional hit from the interaction?

It is a perfectly reasonably boundary to request that your house guests be able to use a bathroom or wear adult diapers if they can't. If guests don't like it, then they don't need to come visit.

The thing is, nobody has really called him out, because everybody always thought he was a good guy. And lately, when Mister has called him out, his perception of it has been like what he told me today, he knows his son. Which he said today while being an asshole toward his son. 

But he doesn’t know ME like he thinks he does. I don’t love him like his son does. I’m also not nearly as docile and submissive as he thinks I am. Mister does not like for me to be stressed out. So if I start acting up with his Dad, and make it clear that his Dad is a problem when he’s here, he’s going to be forced to make some decisions. If he chooses his Dad’s bullshit over me, then I know what’s what and can act accordingly. 

My goal is not to change his Dad’s behavior. I only want to have peace in my home. If he likes getting cussed out on the regular, I guess he found the right person for it. Because nobody is exempt once they go too far.