Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 1, 2023 18:07:54 GMT -5
I feel for you Pink, but if she was capable of sorting through things, she would have already done it. She's a hoarder and unfortunately, I don't think there are meds or behavioral therapy that works for that yet. I would have let him toss the food, because rotting food in the fridge is only going to make things worse and her sicker when she opens the fridge. I think when people hoard to a certain degree things gets worse because of mold issues and critter droppings.
I'm not happy with the amount of stuff I have and my lack of dealing with it most of these last 5 years. Reading about stuff like this always makes me feel better as there is no way I could get to that point. I'd freak out.
Is the show Hoarders still on? Is there a hoarder specialist in your area that could help?
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jul 1, 2023 18:12:17 GMT -5
fantastic, I just got a text heads up about the "official pond fireworks" tonight. the air mattress is coming out tonight, because I'm done with the couch after 4d. I'm actually honestly afraid of what's going to blow up tonight, after the pretty close to professional show i saw last night that made me abandon the idea of sleeping in my own bed.
in the meantime, I'm outside til dusk/or when I've had enough of hte bugs. I'm over this holiday, because people suck.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 1, 2023 18:29:15 GMT -5
Get elder care involved. She can't go back to that house. It's a hazard and she is not capable mentally or physically of doing anything about it..
If she was she wouldn't be living that way.
Refuse to take charge when she's in rehab and insist they find a place for her.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 1, 2023 18:51:10 GMT -5
I like it when you go over the river and through the woods. aw, thanks... um, I just read through your post about Aunt's house. I'll just offer this for now - when my fastidious Nana passed in 2004, I had just moved out of my parents' house (see that quoted post above) into a condo, and my kid sister had just graduated college - it was her grad card sig that we both have inked on our left feet. the last card Nana gave before she passed. anyway! the point I was about to make, Aunt may have still been keeping up appearances. but one of the first things my sis, Dad and I did when we were done sitting around staring at each other, the days between Nana passing on Sunday and her services on Thusrday was to absolutely dismantle the refrigerator and clean it. for all of her insistence on making our beds when I was a kid b/c we couldn't make them to her standards, that fridge was absolutely disgusting from the spills and she would have been horrified about it. from your posts, it sounds like Aunt's been declining for a little bit. and I'm sorry for that. try to keep your boundaries, because it's probably not getting better. The first time I saw her house, while his Mom was still alive and in the hospital, I asked Mister if it’s always been like that. He said yes, ever since his Grandmother died (whose house it was). His Grandmother died in maybe 2012, 2013. I asked a few more questions and the answers led me to believe it’s possible that Aunt has always had a nasty house and it’s not a sign of decline. Like I’ve said before, I’ve always sat next to her at family gatherings and such, because she was the first one that made me feel comfortable when I started going around his family and she treated me like we’d known each other for years. She’s has never said or done anything to make me think that anything age related is going on with her.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 1, 2023 18:58:06 GMT -5
aw, thanks... um, I just read through your post about Aunt's house. I'll just offer this for now - when my fastidious Nana passed in 2004, I had just moved out of my parents' house (see that quoted post above) into a condo, and my kid sister had just graduated college - it was her grad card sig that we both have inked on our left feet. the last card Nana gave before she passed. anyway! the point I was about to make, Aunt may have still been keeping up appearances. but one of the first things my sis, Dad and I did when we were done sitting around staring at each other, the days between Nana passing on Sunday and her services on Thusrday was to absolutely dismantle the refrigerator and clean it. for all of her insistence on making our beds when I was a kid b/c we couldn't make them to her standards, that fridge was absolutely disgusting from the spills and she would have been horrified about it. from your posts, it sounds like Aunt's been declining for a little bit. and I'm sorry for that. try to keep your boundaries, because it's probably not getting better. The first time I saw her house, while his Mom was still alive and in the hospital, I asked Mister if it’s always been like that. He said yes, ever since his Grandmother died (whose house it was). His Grandmother died in maybe 2012, 2013. I asked a few more questions and the answers led me to believe it’s possible that Aunt has always had a nasty house and it’s not a sign of decline. Like I’ve said before, I’ve always sat next to her at family gatherings and such, because she was the first one that made me feel comfortable when I started going around his family and she treated me like we’d known each other for years. She’s has never said or done anything to make me think that anything age related is going on with her. From my own childhood experience and my mother's current living status, it doesn't always have to to with age and elderly mental decline. I was raised in a house like you're describing. So, my mother was that way in her 20s and 30s and still is today. I didn't actually know until my mid-20s that it wasn't normal to have that much crap all over a house. While there was cat pee in my parents' house, I don't think the rodents and maggots became obvious until after I moved out. However, I may just not have realized it because I didn't know any better.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 1, 2023 18:58:36 GMT -5
I feel for you Pink, but if she was capable of sorting through things, she would have already done it. She's a hoarder and unfortunately, I don't think there are meds or behavioral therapy that works for that yet. I would have let him toss the food, because rotting food in the fridge is only going to make things worse and her sicker when she opens the fridge. I think when people hoard to a certain degree things gets worse because of mold issues and critter droppings. I'm not happy with the amount of stuff I have and my lack of dealing with it most of these last 5 years. Reading about stuff like this always makes me feel better as there is no way I could get to that point. I'd freak out. Is the show Hoarders still on? Is there a hoarder specialist in your area that could help? I’m not even sure she’s a hoarder, even though she does seem to have a lot of clothes all over everywhere, including every floor in the house. I have a lot of clothes myself, and am guessing that if I scattered them all over around the house, I could cover the floors too. If we filled 5 bags with what was clearly garbage, that says a lot. She likes to stay on the go, maybe to get away from her nasty house? But now she’ll have a lot of time since she can’t go anywhere for a while, and she can help get that shit together. I meant what I said about reporting it if she doesn’t help, since I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her brain that will prevent her being able to help.
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chiver78
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Post by chiver78 on Jul 1, 2023 19:16:20 GMT -5
The first time I saw her house, while his Mom was still alive and in the hospital, I asked Mister if it’s always been like that. He said yes, ever since his Grandmother died (whose house it was). His Grandmother died in maybe 2012, 2013. I asked a few more questions and the answers led me to believe it’s possible that Aunt has always had a nasty house and it’s not a sign of decline. Like I’ve said before, I’ve always sat next to her at family gatherings and such, because she was the first one that made me feel comfortable when I started going around his family and she treated me like we’d known each other for years. She’s has never said or done anything to make me think that anything age related is going on with her. From my own childhood experience and my mother's current living status, it doesn't always have to to with age and elderly mental decline. I was raised in a house like you're describing. So, my mother was that way in her 20s and 30s and still is today. I didn't actually know until my mid-20s that it wasn't normal to have that much crap all over a house. While there was cat pee in my parents' house, I don't think the rodents and maggots became obvious until after I moved out. However, I may just not have realized it because I didn't know any better. that's exactly how I feel about thr chain smoking I grew up with. we won't talk about mom wheeling her saline drip outside to have a butt at 9+mo preggo. 🙄
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2023 19:19:49 GMT -5
aw, thanks... um, I just read through your post about Aunt's house. I'll just offer this for now - when my fastidious Nana passed in 2004, I had just moved out of my parents' house (see that quoted post above) into a condo, and my kid sister had just graduated college - it was her grad card sig that we both have inked on our left feet. the last card Nana gave before she passed. anyway! the point I was about to make, Aunt may have still been keeping up appearances. but one of the first things my sis, Dad and I did when we were done sitting around staring at each other, the days between Nana passing on Sunday and her services on Thusrday was to absolutely dismantle the refrigerator and clean it. for all of her insistence on making our beds when I was a kid b/c we couldn't make them to her standards, that fridge was absolutely disgusting from the spills and she would have been horrified about it. from your posts, it sounds like Aunt's been declining for a little bit. and I'm sorry for that. try to keep your boundaries, because it's probably not getting better. The first time I saw her house, while his Mom was still alive and in the hospital, I asked Mister if it’s always been like that. He said yes, ever since his Grandmother died (whose house it was). His Grandmother died in maybe 2012, 2013. I asked a few more questions and the answers led me to believe it’s possible that Aunt has always had a nasty house and it’s not a sign of decline. Like I’ve said before, I’ve always sat next to her at family gatherings and such, because she was the first one that made me feel comfortable when I started going around his family and she treated me like we’d known each other for years. She’s has never said or done anything to make me think that anything age related is going on with her.And I understand her core goodness and kindness to you makes this all the harder for you. But that beautiful part her that made her see the good in you, can't fix what's wrong with her causing the hoarding.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 1, 2023 19:23:15 GMT -5
I feel for you Pink, but if she was capable of sorting through things, she would have already done it. She's a hoarder and unfortunately, I don't think there are meds or behavioral therapy that works for that yet. I would have let him toss the food, because rotting food in the fridge is only going to make things worse and her sicker when she opens the fridge. I think when people hoard to a certain degree things gets worse because of mold issues and critter droppings. I'm not happy with the amount of stuff I have and my lack of dealing with it most of these last 5 years. Reading about stuff like this always makes me feel better as there is no way I could get to that point. I'd freak out. Is the show Hoarders still on? Is there a hoarder specialist in your area that could help? I’m not even sure she’s a hoarder, even though she does seem to have a lot of clothes all over everywhere, including every floor in the house. I have a lot of clothes myself, and am guessing that if I scattered them all over around the house, I could cover the floors too. If we filled 5 bags with what was clearly garbage, that says a lot. She likes to stay on the go, maybe to get away from her nasty house? But now she’ll have a lot of time since she can’t go anywhere for a while, and she can help get that shit together. I meant what I said about reporting it if she doesn’t help, since I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her brain that will prevent her being able to help. Please know I'm not trying to argue with you. I'm just speaking from experience, and I want you to be as prepared as possible. Also, I've missed most of this thread the last year because of my stupid, still-not-done, dissertation. You may have explained much more than what I've ready today.
You're assuming she thinks there is something wrong with the way she's living. My father's sister could never figure out how my sisters and I were always completely clean and well-dressed when we were out in public but my parents' house was such a constant pig stye. She would chastise my dad (her little brother) for living that way and say "we certainly were not raised like this". My dad would hire housekeepers, mother's helpers, cleaners, etc. and my mother would find some little thing she could complain about and dismiss them. I distinctly remember one of them changing out a bath towel, and my mother insisting that the towel had only been used for a week and was fine for another week. The towel was gross. My father would take an outside (large) garbage can through the house and just pick stuff up and throw it in there. By most accounts, my mother is a functional adult. There is definitely something wrong with her though when it comes to housekeeping.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jul 1, 2023 19:25:32 GMT -5
From my own childhood experience and my mother's current living status, it doesn't always have to to with age and elderly mental decline. I was raised in a house like you're describing. So, my mother was that way in her 20s and 30s and still is today. I didn't actually know until my mid-20s that it wasn't normal to have that much crap all over a house. While there was cat pee in my parents' house, I don't think the rodents and maggots became obvious until after I moved out. However, I may just not have realized it because I didn't know any better. that's exactly how I feel about thr chain smoking I grew up with. we won't talk about mom wheeling her saline drip outside to have a butt at 9+mo preggo. 🙄 Right! Or the actual home video footage of my mother blowing smoke in my face while I'm sitting in a high chair.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 1, 2023 19:34:08 GMT -5
The first time I saw her house, while his Mom was still alive and in the hospital, I asked Mister if it’s always been like that. He said yes, ever since his Grandmother died (whose house it was). His Grandmother died in maybe 2012, 2013. I asked a few more questions and the answers led me to believe it’s possible that Aunt has always had a nasty house and it’s not a sign of decline. Like I’ve said before, I’ve always sat next to her at family gatherings and such, because she was the first one that made me feel comfortable when I started going around his family and she treated me like we’d known each other for years. She’s has never said or done anything to make me think that anything age related is going on with her.And I understand her core goodness and kindness to you makes this all the harder for you. But that beautiful part her that made her see the good in you, can't fix what's wrong with her causing the hoarding. In a lot of ways, she’s selfish too. Refusing to even try to take care of herself and then expecting Mister to come running when things go awry is very selfish imo. I’m out of patience with selfish old people, and I don’t think it would necessarily be a bad thing to report it if her house stays the way it is right now, or gets back like that if it’s cleaned up.
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Sharon
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Post by Sharon on Jul 1, 2023 19:35:58 GMT -5
Pink Cashmere does the hospital offer home health visits. When Mom was in the hospital last February we talked with them and arranged for some home health visits, which was mostly to evaluate Mom's living situation and how she was managing. Unfortunately she passed, we even told them we hoped she would fail and had been trying to get her to move to something more practical, 3000 sql ft across 4 levels isn't the best for someone who has had both hips replaced and walks with a walking stick. Clarification: Unfortunately Mom passed the test and they said she was okay to continue living in her house.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 1, 2023 19:48:24 GMT -5
I’m not even sure she’s a hoarder, even though she does seem to have a lot of clothes all over everywhere, including every floor in the house. I have a lot of clothes myself, and am guessing that if I scattered them all over around the house, I could cover the floors too. If we filled 5 bags with what was clearly garbage, that says a lot. She likes to stay on the go, maybe to get away from her nasty house? But now she’ll have a lot of time since she can’t go anywhere for a while, and she can help get that shit together. I meant what I said about reporting it if she doesn’t help, since I don’t think there’s anything wrong with her brain that will prevent her being able to help. Please know I'm not trying to argue with you. I'm just speaking from experience, and I want you to be as prepared as possible. Also, I've missed most of this thread the last year because of my stupid, still-not-done, dissertation. You may have explained much more than what I've ready today.
You're assuming she thinks there is something wrong with the way she's living. My father's sister could never figure out how my sisters and I were always completely clean and well-dressed when we were out in public but my parents' house was such a constant pig stye. She would chastise my dad (her little brother) for living that way and say "we certainly were not raised like this". My dad would hire housekeepers, mother's helpers, cleaners, etc. and my mother would find some little thing she could complain about and dismiss them. I distinctly remember one of them changing out a bath towel, and my mother insisting that the towel had only been used for a week and was fine for another week. The towel was gross. My father would take an outside (large) garbage can through the house and just pick stuff up and throw it in there. By most accounts, my mother is a functional adult. There is definitely something wrong with her though when it comes to housekeeping.
I don’t feel like you are trying to argue with me, we are just having a conversation and I appreciate you sharing. She may not think there’s anything wrong with her living like that, but there IS something wrong with it. When I saw the old carpet, I told Mister I’m surprised it’s not making her sick. When I saw all the rodent droppings in the bathroom, I knew that not only was it disgusting, it could cause illness in humans. I’m pretty sure there are droppings all over the house. The dirty bathtub was just the ONE place that wasn’t covered in junk and filth, so it was easy to see. I am also pretty sure that’s why Mister didn’t want me to use and empty the dust pan when I was sweeping the kitchen. When she fell the first time that we know of, and ended up in the hospital and with the black eye she had when she came over here Memorial Day weekend, it was because she tripped over all that crap in the floor and hit her head. To me, those things do mean her house is a health hazard and not fit for her to live there. It’s a bit beyond just a junky, dirty house. As far as your mother, IIRC, you aren’t really close to her even now, but I am happy for you that you can see now that something was very wrong when you were growing up, and that you aren’t like that.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2023 19:51:52 GMT -5
And I understand her core goodness and kindness to you makes this all the harder for you. But that beautiful part her that made her see the good in you, can't fix what's wrong with her causing the hoarding. In a lot of ways, she’s selfish too. Refusing to even try to take care of herself and then expecting Mister to come running when things go awry is very selfish imo. I’m out of patience with selfish old people, and I don’t think it would necessarily be a bad thing to report it if her house stays the way it is right now, or gets back like that if it’s cleaned up. Yes, that is selfish behavior for sure and, no, you and Mister absolutely should not be enablers and rush to her rescue. Or to Mister's dad's rescue either IMHO. Sort of funny how brother got busy and wasn't on board with the trash clean out, hmmm?
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 1, 2023 19:53:55 GMT -5
Pink Cashmere does the hospital offer home health visits. When Mom was in the hospital last February we talked with them and arranged for some home health visits, which was mostly to evaluate Mom's living situation and how she was managing. Unfortunately she passed, we even told them we hoped she would fail and had been trying to get her to move to something more practical, 3000 sql ft across 4 levels isn't the best for someone who has had both hips replaced and walks with a walking stick. Idk if they offer home health visits. It would be great if someone assessed her living situation and how she’s managing. She was supposed to have been discharged from rehab this morning, but she still wasn’t home when I left this afternoon. Idk why. Now that I know that one of my relatives works for the local aging commission, I can talk to her about it, and I will. I’m sorry you lost your Mom.
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 1, 2023 20:00:16 GMT -5
In a lot of ways, she’s selfish too. Refusing to even try to take care of herself and then expecting Mister to come running when things go awry is very selfish imo. I’m out of patience with selfish old people, and I don’t think it would necessarily be a bad thing to report it if her house stays the way it is right now, or gets back like that if it’s cleaned up. Yes, that is selfish behavior for sure and, no, you and Mister absolutely should not be enablers and rush to her rescue. Or to Mister's dad's rescue either IMHO. Sort of funny how brother got busy and wasn't on board with the trash clean out, hmmm? Well, to be fair to Brother, he only gets to see his daughter every other weekend. If he wants to see her outside of that, her Mom may or may not cooperate. So I understand wanting to make the most of the weekends he has with her. While I was there, Mister said he’d considered bringing Boy and said he was so glad he didn’t. I told him I was glad he didn’t bring him too, because if he had, Boy would’ve ended up with all kinds of diseases. And there would’ve been more time spent telling Boy No and Leave it, than cleaning since there was so much for him to get into, and nowhere to put him for him to be safe. So if we don’t even want our dogs there, I actually would’ve been upset if Brother had brought his young daughter over there. This time, I think he absolutely did the right thing.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2023 20:06:21 GMT -5
My mother was not exactly a hoarder by the classic definition, because we were too poor for her to acquire anything for the most part. But she never threw out anything on the other hand. Newspaper articles, magazines, nothing ever left. Until she had to go into a home and died and I had to clean out her apartment. DH helped, it was awful, summer time, no electricity, filth. Our experiences with our respective parents' homes are a big part of why we keep it minimally decorated and cleaned out here. No one on this planet should have to go through what we have.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2023 20:17:04 GMT -5
Yes, that is selfish behavior for sure and, no, you and Mister absolutely should not be enablers and rush to her rescue. Or to Mister's dad's rescue either IMHO. Sort of funny how brother got busy and wasn't on board with the trash clean out, hmmm? Well, to be fair to Brother, he only gets to see his daughter every other weekend. If he wants to see her outside of that, her Mom may or may not cooperate. So I understand wanting to make the most of the weekends he has with her. While I was there, Mister said he’d considered bringing Boy and said he was so glad he didn’t. I told him I was glad he didn’t bring him too, because if he had, Boy would’ve ended up with all kinds of diseases. And there would’ve been more time spent telling Boy No and Leave it, than cleaning since there was so much for him to get into, and nowhere to put him for him to be safe. So if we don’t even want our dogs there, I actually would’ve been upset if Brother had brought his young daughter over there. This time, I think he absolutely did the right thing. I do understand Brother's reason for stepping back today and I'm glad he chose to spend the time with his daughter. Also glad you left Boy at home. Neither a child or an animal should be exposed to the toxic stew at that house
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 1, 2023 20:28:05 GMT -5
Waiting for my frozen pizza to cool off so I can eat it. Things I accomplished today:
1. Cleaned the bathroom. 2. Paid bills. 3. Made a seafood boil thing I got at the grocery store for lunch. 4. Bathed myself. 5. Heated up a frozen pizza. 6. Took a friend to the airport.
That's enough for one day, right?
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2023 20:30:46 GMT -5
Waiting for my frozen pizza to cool off so I can eat it. Things I accomplished today: 1. Cleaned the bathroom. 2. Paid bills. 3. Made a seafood boil thing I got at the grocery store for lunch. 4. Bathed myself. 5. Heated up a frozen pizza. 6. Took a friend to the airport. That's enough for one day, right? Absolutely! Just add "adult beverage" to the list and you are good for the night
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andi9899
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Post by andi9899 on Jul 1, 2023 20:41:22 GMT -5
Waiting for my frozen pizza to cool off so I can eat it. Things I accomplished today: 1. Cleaned the bathroom. 2. Paid bills. 3. Made a seafood boil thing I got at the grocery store for lunch. 4. Bathed myself. 5. Heated up a frozen pizza. 6. Took a friend to the airport. That's enough for one day, right? Absolutely! Just add "adult beverage" to the list and you are good for the night It's like you don't even know me. 🍺
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2023 20:48:30 GMT -5
I'm pulling the last load out of the dryer and headed to bed. I'm really struggling with stupid on local social media.
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Opti
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Post by Opti on Jul 1, 2023 20:57:27 GMT -5
My mother was not exactly a hoarder by the classic definition, because we were too poor for her to acquire anything for the most part. But she never threw out anything on the other hand. Newspaper articles, magazines, nothing ever left. Until she had to go into a home and died and I had to clean out her apartment. DH helped, it was awful, summer time, no electricity, filth. Our experiences with our respective parents' homes are a big part of why we keep it minimally decorated and cleaned out here. No one on this planet should have to go through what we have. I'm sorry to read that. My dad started keeping too much stuff after the divorce. I don't know why. My mom was pretty good except for her desire to add to her cow collection. I ended up with three cow themed things after her passing, my favorite being a Sandra Boyton mug I gave her. My sis was like why do you want that as the inside is not in the best condition, but its funny with cows in a office setting with the saying 'It's been udder chaos" on it. Somehow that always seems appropriate no matter where I've worked for at least part of the time.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2023 21:03:43 GMT -5
My mother was not exactly a hoarder by the classic definition, because we were too poor for her to acquire anything for the most part. But she never threw out anything on the other hand. Newspaper articles, magazines, nothing ever left. Until she had to go into a home and died and I had to clean out her apartment. DH helped, it was awful, summer time, no electricity, filth. Our experiences with our respective parents' homes are a big part of why we keep it minimally decorated and cleaned out here. No one on this planet should have to go through what we have. I'm sorry to read that. My dad started keeping too much stuff after the divorce. I don't know why. My mom was pretty good except for her desire to add to her cow collection. I ended up with three cow themed things after her passing, my favorite being a Sandra Boyton mug I gave her. My sis was like why do you want that as the inside is not in the best condition, but its funny with cows in a office setting with the saying 'It's been udder chaos" on it. Somehow that always seems appropriate no matter where I've worked for at least part of the time. The Boyton cartoons are the best - I love those mugs
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Pink Cashmere
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 1, 2023 21:29:00 GMT -5
DD and the kids just got here. They are spending the night.
When I told Mister they were coming over, he said something like “I’m already dealing with my Dad”, and my face must have said what I was thinking when I said that’s why I told them to wait until today, so last night would be peaceful, because he said okay and left it alone.
That’s not something he wants me to get started on or riled up about. Even with all the issues and drama, I’ve never even hinted that I didn’t want his children to come over here, or that I needed to approve whatever time or days they do come. Not even here, with all the times I’ve vented here and posters suggested I say they aren’t welcome because of their behavior. I’ve not been like that with his Dad either, even though he kinda irks my soul now. I don’t get to spend much time with my grandchildren since I don’t live close by anymore. Because I work weekends, I really only get to spend time with them and have them spend the night with me, when school is out.
At least when my children and grandchildren come over, they try to be respectful and they clean up behind themselves, and help with household tasks without me asking. DS and DGS takes the trash out whenever they sees it’s full and DGS likes sweeping, so he sweeps the floors. DGD1 has a thing about keeping the table in the breakfast nook clean, and she tends to that, keeping it clear and cleaning the table itself. DD has literally taken pictures of a clean load of dishes in my dishwasher so she can try to load it like I do. I don’t expect them to do any of that, so I make sure to tell them thank you when they do it. YD has cleaned the kitchen exactly once. She’s never done any of the things my grandchildren take it upon themselves to do to help out.
I wouldn’t care if they didn’t do any of it, but they seem to feel some type of way when I tell them not to, I’ll get it, so I let them do their thing.
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raeoflyte
Senior Associate
Joined: Feb 3, 2011 15:43:53 GMT -5
Posts: 15,050
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Post by raeoflyte on Jul 1, 2023 22:48:57 GMT -5
I'm helping with dsis hoarder house tomorrow. I'm assuming it's going to be super rough, but it is what it is. We've gotten rid of her stuff before which didn't help. We've also nearly lost dsis multiple times and the last time it was the cats that ultimately kept her alive. Puts things in perspective. Not that it makes her living situation ok, but she can be alive or not. I can be in her life or not. Now I'm just trying to help her in ways she wants.
Dh is pretty sure his mom did have a stroke. She's acting differently, saying stuff that's never come up before. She's refusing to see a neurologist. His dad's controlling nature seems to be getting worse, or maybe just more obvious. Dh and his sister are freaking out. I think they're borrowing problems to some extent but it's a scary situation so I get it. I've tried to just be there for dh today, but told him he needs to talk to a therapist. There's no good answers.
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jul 1, 2023 23:06:30 GMT -5
Well, my evening started out great, but man....those neighbors are hard to get along with sometimes. I ended up just getting up and leaving. Everything is always about how they're ostracized because they're lesbians and interracial. I mean EVERYTHING. Nobody cares from our group that they're married, but still it's always that and the more she drinks, the angrier she gets and she just starts looking for a fight. I finally had enough. We couldn't even play a game of Farkle without it being about white privilege because the rules we used (and that were on the box and our little scoring cheat sheets) were different than how the indigenous people scored dice. Well, there's two of you that know the scoring your way and there's 6 of us that know it the other way...plus we have the scoring cheat sheets that our drunk asses need.
I wonder if she still expects me to watch her dog for 4 days in a couple weeks?
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Pink Cashmere
Junior Associate
Joined: Sept 24, 2022 16:18:40 GMT -5
Posts: 5,377
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Post by Pink Cashmere on Jul 1, 2023 23:17:22 GMT -5
I’d like to hear y’all’s opinions on this. A few days ago, DD was talking to her Dad, asking if he could help her get a car that cost less than $3k. He said he didn’t have enough money on hand to do that.
The very next day, he texted DD, asking what exactly is wrong with the car I helped her buy a couple years ago, that’s just been sitting up. She told him she thinks it’s an alternator and battery issue. He told her to text her the address so his brother could come look at it. When she sent him the address, he said his brother was on the way.
His brother came and took the battery and alternator out and told DD to take them with her and go buy new ones. He came back the next morning and installed the new ones. When he was done, he told DD to just give him $200.
DD was shocked, because her Dad never said she would have to pay her uncle, and she doesn’t have $200. Her Dad text her yesterday, asking if she was going to send the money to him or to his brother. She called me instead of responding to the text immediately, because she wanted some guidance and she is upset about the whole thing, but didn’t want to say anything crazy to her Dad in the heat of the moment.
So my question is, was it unreasonable for her to be bothered when her Dad had to know she doesn’t have any money since she’d literally just asked him to help her out the day before. And was it unreasonable, given the way he just said his brother was on his way to come fix the car, something she didn’t even ask for, for it not to occur to her that she was expected to pay her Uncle?
If it were me, I would’ve told her, I can send your uncle over there, but you’re going to have to pay him yourself. I just wouldn’t do things the way her Dad did this. But that’s just me, and I’m curious about what other people think about
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countrygirl2
Senior Associate
Joined: Dec 7, 2016 15:45:05 GMT -5
Posts: 17,584
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Post by countrygirl2 on Jul 1, 2023 23:57:02 GMT -5
Around my mouth is now itching, the lower lip edge and the sides. The swelling is down so that's good but itching, why? I was at sons and both dogs had been on my lap so maybe from weeds they had been in I don't know. I didn't take anymore benadryl but may tonight.
Looks like DIL's sister and hubs is coming to my place for the 4th. I offered but said the 3rd or the 4th, she didn't know?? I said well you really need to find out please. We have a nice concrete patio and son gave me his grill he found and fixed. He has a smoker instead. So I cleaned it all up and it looks good. Son is bringing a long table and some chairs as I have no patio furniture and cannot afford a thousand for a set right now. That way we can eat in or out.
There house isn't getting better. Son had to tear half the patio up as it was built over the septic when they had to have that repair done so he doesn't want to put it back that way and wants to have a concrete one put in so that looks pretty bad. They have so much stuff everywhere you just can't clean up the house, I wouldn't know where to start. Same with the patio. I gave them money to buy her a shed but they didn't do it I think son paid it on the house. Until he does that there is nowhere to put the clutter. She wants to put all her art supplies and things in it, that should help. They are trying to clean up the yard but need stumps ground out and all that costs. He said he doesn't want to do anything but concentrate on paying off the house. She is letting friends get to her about bragging about trips they are taking and buying all kinds of stuff. They are telling her they are living for now and not just worrying about saving money. But she admits most of them are broke and even had to borrow money from her. I told her ignore it and just go on with your life if they are doing that they are not your friends. I think she has quit taking her meds for depression because sounds like to me she is getting back like she was. They were making her gain weight.
She is wanting to tear the wainscoating off her bedroom wall and I told her be careful doing that as you don't know what is underneath. The top half is painted dark blue and the bottom white, I thought it was pretty. Son said the same. I told her I'm betting it was put on some of the walls as the drywall was likely damaged from a wheelchair or something. Well she can fix it. She started on son and I about how she can learn to do it and she can sew and everything. And before that she was wanting me to help her learn to sew. She has picked out a fabric that is beyond hard to work with even for me, very sheer and hard to sew. She has no idea if the stuff might be glued and if you start stripping it, it could ruin the drywall and then has to be redone. You can fix a lot but some you can't. I told her I would help, I do know how to fix it, but no she was doing it. I know from her history she will start that and never finish it. I shut up and said nothing else. So I'm pretty sure she is off the meds. Like hubs said you cannot teach her anything, she always says she wants to learn then if you try to help she already knows how to do it all, but can't.
I'm staying out of it, I just hope she doesn't tear up that room, She likely can paint over the dark blue with primer and hopefully the wainscoating was just added for looks because that could be a disaster.
I took them dinner I made, barbecue, cole slaw, and fried potatoes, we had already eaten. So little guy picked up some toys and brought down for him to play with.
We went out to lunch and he only ate about half, he said he was full. She said you wanted it you need to eat it and sat there and was feeding him making him eat it. I said well maybe he isn't hungry and that really looks bad for you feeding an 8 year old on his part. Makes him look like something is wrong with him, I have seen her do that before Well, he will say he's hungry before long. I said well letting him be hungry for a bit wouldn't hurt him, so maybe next time he wouldn't do that. I worry some of that stuff is going to give him eating issues. She doesn't want him to have soda but she will get one. I just laughed today and said if all of us is having sodas he is too, she just laughed. No wonder he wants to come stay with grandpa or me.
I don't have problems with him, he eats what I have, he will try anything new. If he doesn't like it I won't make him eat it. My mom never did to me either and I didn't do it to my kids.
I know I"m just visiting and I don't want issues, I just hope he has normalcy when here. I sure hate to see her stop the meds, not good.
He sets here and plays either with my phone or his legos, I enjoy him being here. He and I talk a lot. He is a good kid. She does teach him a lot of good things, he is learning to do things like take out the trash and pick things up and help in the yard. He picks up his dirty clothes and takes his shoes off when he comes in. So she is doing a lot right, but had been on depression and anxiety meds for 2 or 3 years which was really good for her and all of us.
Son was agitated with her today and I stayed out of that, just was quiet, I do know when to keep my mouth shut believe it or not. When she goes on a tirade I just set and take it and remind myself not to let it bother me, she gets over it. Also I did not stay long.
Still it was a good day, but I worry she will be back like she was and I sure hope not.
Families are so complicated and marriage is hard for all of us I think. And I'm sure getting along with inlaws from other countries is hard too.
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finnime
Junior Associate
Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.
Joined: Dec 23, 2010 7:14:35 GMT -5
Posts: 8,057
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Post by finnime on Jul 2, 2023 3:38:19 GMT -5
Good morning, illustrious invisipeeps of Y Ma'am. Welcome to Sunday. I hope you rind this day to be one of ease and pleasure, as a fine summer Sunday should be. I'm sorry to see so many of you have had relatives and inlaws in trouble with hoarding type issues and an inability to care for themselves. It's harsh trying to provide good help to someone who just won't accept it even at the expense of their health and life. Or their children. Yesterday very early morning was foggy until the sun came through. I had taken this picture last year, in October, but it could almost have been yesterday if we were further into the summer. What I actually saw yesterday was more egrets.
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