what are you doing right now?

[TheOtherMe]

May 22, 2023 3:05:35 GMT -5 finnime said:

Many of you know I struggle with clinical major depression. Many years ago I took antidepressants prescribed by my PCP to address it. They helped, but not enough to get me to a level of good. He told me I should see a psychiatrist; that a specialist would help more than he could. My therapist suggested an excellent shrink, who prescribed a medication then added another then increased the dosage until I felt fully like me again. I saw this doctor for almost 20 years, until he died. He helped me through several personal crises and a few bouts of bottoming-out depression over those years. I'm still on the medication cocktail he worked out for me. And, I can feel and respond to life like I want to. Antidepressants don't make you happy; they make you you again. Hugs,

This is correct.  I have chronic major depression and bipolar II.  It is never going away.  For many years my PCP was subscribing meds.  Totally ineffective as he had not done a comprehensive study on my brain and how it works and doesn't work.  But the meds were not good back then either.

When I finally saw a psychiatrist who specialized in medications for depressions, he did an in depth interview, questioning of me for 2 sessions.  At the 3rd session, he used a white board and showed exactly what happens in my brain.  

Started trying different combos of medications until the formula was right.  Since that time, I insisted one be changed because of liver damage.  

As medications change, someday my  current doctor and I might try something different but the motto now is if it isn't broken, don't change it.  

No, they are not happy pills  at all.   They let me be as close to me as I can be with the diagnosis I have.

[weltschmerz]

I just finished planting my tomatoes and now I'm having supper.
Morphine and a glass of wine.

[Opti]

May 22, 2023 13:06:02 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

His wife really has no idea what she would work at. He would pay for her to go to school but her english writing and understanding just isn't that good. And some days she wants to and some days she doesn't.  She is a wonderful artist and could make money from that but he can't convince her she is good enough, she is. So I don't know.

I had to make Smokey leave me alone. He was sitting beside me while I was pinning on the waistband of the culotte/shorts and pulling the pins out of the fabric. I was afraid he would swallow one so took them away. He didn't want to quit so I had to make him move. Don't know what that was about. Then he lay on the ironing board and before that on the waistband so I couldn't get it. Worse then trying to sew with a kid. He is upstairs right now. Came  up to get a drink so down I go.

I had to turn my heater on in my sewing room, it was cold down there. It's 79 out so ready to turn it off, have the basement door open.

Has she done any ESL classes?

[Opti]

May 22, 2023 16:28:47 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I just finished planting my tomatoes and now I'm having supper.
Morphine and a glass of wine.

No tomato, shrimp or something else?

[weltschmerz]

May 22, 2023 16:33:09 GMT -5 Opti said:

May 22, 2023 16:28:47 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

I just finished planting my tomatoes and now I'm having supper.
Morphine and a glass of wine.

No tomato, shrimp or something else?

I'm not hungry yet.

[Opti]

May 22, 2023 14:54:44 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

May 22, 2023 11:40:56 GMT -5 skeeter said:

Just my nickel's worth FWIW.

Your hubby may not say what you need/want to hear, but actions do really speak louder than words.

From some of your posts, based on some of his actions, I honestly believe he deeply loves you even though he may be "distant" verbally or even physically (hugs, etc.)

 

I do think DH loves me to the extent and in the way he knows how, which is very limited by his upbringing.  I think he fell in love with me initially because I was so different from his first wife and from what his parents wanted him to marry.  But then, like a shiny toy, he didn't know what to do with someone who is the total opposite of him.  I'm high energy, social, outgoing, non-traditional, eager to explore new things, people, places, and he's very low energy, utterly non-social, very rigid in thinking etc.  I adore beaches and water; he hates beaches and water.  I think it's fun to meet new people; he thinks everyone on the planet is out to get him.  He tells people I'm really smart; he tells me I'm really fat (he's right on that).  While claiming not to care what others think, he cares intensely about it and is miserable that we don't have the trappings of great wealth and that I'm not the size 2 in the TV ads. I waited years for him to join me in life, but he chose self-inflicted misery, so I moved on to find my own tribe and what happiness I can.  He sits and waits until some blip appears on my radar of life, and then says "I told you so, people will always disappoint you, you wasted your time on them......."

I wish he had chosen to be a happier person, but I can't "fix" him.  

I already told him I plan to enjoy our trip to Alaska next month.  If he wants to enjoy it, fine.  If not, that's fine too.  

I'm sorry this is your reality but applaud your ability to make the best of it and go forward.

My XH sounds similar but different from your husband. Mine also did not like when I got into my social, outgoing, and storyteller mode. Likewise, he sees me as smarter than him, but unfortunately saw that as a drawback instead of just a feature. He's the one that has all three engineering degrees , i.e. BS, MS, and PhD. I stopped after my Masters and sometimes regret not getting the PhD.

B was less social in part because he was an only child and his dad was a traveling salesman. Luckily I don't think he cared all that much what size I was, but being an engineer he could often figure out my weight better than any scale simply by putting his arms around me. I don't like that my size can vary so much, but it is what it is, and I have learned to live with it.

I divorced B because he did not know how to let me be me, and my persona in NJ was more expansive than where we went to school. I don't think he liked that, and he did not always see the times I was naturally like that as I was hanging out with my college GFs and other peeps that enjoyed that aspect of me. Plus to hear him talk, he decided early on in our marriage that I was too good for him, so unfortunately he did a bunch of things to insure I would leave him.    Oh well. Learning experience.
Sad for me, we actually traveled well together having learned how to live with our own foibles. But that's another story and I miss the travel we used to do together.

[Deleted]

May 22, 2023 16:19:54 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

May 22, 2023 14:54:44 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

I do think DH loves me to the extent and in the way he knows how, which is very limited by his upbringing.  I think he fell in love with me initially because I was so different from his first wife and from what his parents wanted him to marry.  But then, like a shiny toy, he didn't know what to do with someone who is the total opposite of him.  I'm high energy, social, outgoing, non-traditional, eager to explore new things, people, places, and he's very low energy, utterly non-social, very rigid in thinking etc.  I adore beaches and water; he hates beaches and water.  I think it's fun to meet new people; he thinks everyone on the planet is out to get him.  He tells people I'm really smart; he tells me I'm really fat (he's right on that).  While claiming not to care what others think, he cares intensely about it and is miserable that we don't have the trappings of great wealth and that I'm not the size 2 in the TV ads. I waited years for him to join me in life, but he chose self-inflicted misery, so I moved on to find my own tribe and what happiness I can.  He sits and waits until some blip appears on my radar of life, and then says "I told you so, people will always disappoint you, you wasted your time on them......."

I wish he had chosen to be a happier person, but I can't "fix" him.  

I already told him I plan to enjoy our trip to Alaska next month.  If he wants to enjoy it, fine.  If not, that's fine too.  

You are such a wonderful person, that this makes me sad.

The fist guy I dated after my divorce, swore he loved me. What I got out of that experience is that a person might really think and feel they love me, but if it’s not in a way that makes me feel loved, it’s not good for me.

Same thing with the guy I dated before I met Mister, who I refer to as the crazy man, he swore he loved me and at some point, I started believing he really did….. in his own way. Which was not in a way that meant I could have a healthy relationship with him. We got along much better after I insisted we just be friends, and once he got it through his head that I was serious, he became one of the best friends I’ve ever had. 

Mister’s definition of love wasn’t the kind of love I needed early in our relationship. But even though I really liked him, I had been happily single for so long, that I made it very clear that I was just fine before I met him, and still didn’t mind being single, so if he really wanted to be with me, he had some growing up and work to do. I guess he really did feel like he loved me, because he did put in the work to be the kind of man I was willing to have a serious relationship with.

He can still be an asshole sometimes, but I am secure in the fact that he does want to do whatever he can to help make my life joyful. When or if we ever do get married, us being good partners in life is more important to me than being able to call him my husband.

I’m just sharing my experiences as a woman that was single for years, that sorted through my thoughts about men who have claimed to love me, but I wasn’t feeling their type of “love”. And I am most definitely not trying to knock you or be negative about your choices. There are obviously some things you value in your marriage, since I get the impression that you’ve been married a long time. 

I totally hear what you are saying about both your past relationships and your partnership with Mister now.  And I am not blameless either.  I should have spent some single years, sorting through my mother issues, before I married.  But I was too insecure to do that so I loved hard on the few guys who ever showed any interest in me.  As I have learned to say about my mother, he does the best he can.  

Yes, it's 50 years August 31.  I wish those had been better years for both of us but that's the way it goes down sometimes.  There are worse things and I've seen my friends live those worse things.  I'm not unhappy and I don't waste time on regrets because I'm better off than many but I'm not blowing smoke either.  

The thing I most wish for the young women of now and the future is that they have the opportunity to get comfortable in their skins as single women before making other choices and learn that they have lots of choices.  

[Pink Cashmere]

I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the GI doctor.

Reading my bullet journal from last year, I realized and remembered that I was already having stomach issues when I had the colonoscopy done last year. My stomach wasn’t bothering me as often back then, but when I started having issues, it scared me because I was overdue for a colonoscopy, since my Mom and Grandmother both had colon cancer. That is why I made the appointment for a colonoscopy.

I keep reading and hearing about people that went through the symptoms I am having, for a long time, and ended up having tumors or whatnot. I am wondering now, if that’s the case with me, would that have been seen during the colonoscopy since I was already having stomach issues when it was done, or if I do have a tumor somewhere, would it not have been seen when I had the abdominal ultrasound or the CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis.

I guess those are questions to ask tomorrow, during my Dr. visit.

When I had the colonoscopy, I had some polyps removed that turned out to be benign, and moderate diverticulosis, which nobody ever told me about and I recently learned  about on my own, from looking at the results from all the tests I’ve had done since then.

The colonoscopy was in April of last year. Which means I’ve been having issues for over a year now. The symptoms have gotten worse and more frequent, until it got to be every.damn.day starting in December of last year.

This GI Doctor said when I first saw her, that I might end up needing to have another colonoscopy. As much as the first colonoscopy terrorized me, I am willing to do it again, or whatever else I need to do, to help figure out what the fuck is wrong and what needs to happen to fix or at least treat/manage what’s wrong it if it can’t be “fixed”.

I am SO over this shit, no pun intended. Idk how to try to work on my mental health when I spend most of my days being upset, feeling like I need to be near a toilet at all times. Sometimes the en suite bathroom is just barely close enough when I’m in my bedroom. I am SO frustrated and my nerves are really bad.

[Pink Cashmere]

May 22, 2023 17:04:26 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

May 22, 2023 16:19:54 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

You are such a wonderful person, that this makes me sad.

The fist guy I dated after my divorce, swore he loved me. What I got out of that experience is that a person might really think and feel they love me, but if it’s not in a way that makes me feel loved, it’s not good for me.

Same thing with the guy I dated before I met Mister, who I refer to as the crazy man, he swore he loved me and at some point, I started believing he really did….. in his own way. Which was not in a way that meant I could have a healthy relationship with him. We got along much better after I insisted we just be friends, and once he got it through his head that I was serious, he became one of the best friends I’ve ever had. 

Mister’s definition of love wasn’t the kind of love I needed early in our relationship. But even though I really liked him, I had been happily single for so long, that I made it very clear that I was just fine before I met him, and still didn’t mind being single, so if he really wanted to be with me, he had some growing up and work to do. I guess he really did feel like he loved me, because he did put in the work to be the kind of man I was willing to have a serious relationship with.

He can still be an asshole sometimes, but I am secure in the fact that he does want to do whatever he can to help make my life joyful. When or if we ever do get married, us being good partners in life is more important to me than being able to call him my husband.

I’m just sharing my experiences as a woman that was single for years, that sorted through my thoughts about men who have claimed to love me, but I wasn’t feeling their type of “love”. And I am most definitely not trying to knock you or be negative about your choices. There are obviously some things you value in your marriage, since I get the impression that you’ve been married a long time. 

I totally hear what you are saying about both your past relationships and your partnership with Mister now.  And I am not blameless either.  I should have spent some single years, sorting through my mother issues, before I married.  But I was too insecure to do that so I loved hard on the few guys who ever showed any interest in me.  As I have learned to say about my mother, he does the best he can.  

Yes, it's 50 years August 31.  I wish those had been better years for both of us but that's the way it goes down sometimes.  There are worse things and I've seen my friends live those worse things.  I'm not unhappy and I don't waste time on regrets because I'm better off than many but I'm not blowing smoke either.  

The thing I most wish for the young women of now and the future is that they have the opportunity to get comfortable in their skins as single women before making other choices and learn that they have lots of choices.  

I appreciate your honesty.

[MarionTh230]

May 22, 2023 15:05:45 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

I finished my 2 pair of shorts, culottes. I haven't worn anything resembling a skirt in so long it looks funny to me. And orange isn't my favorite color. But I had the fabric and shorts and tops would be the best for it so that is what I made.

I'm half way through a lavender and white top, just a basic. Most of my clothes are plain. I like color a lot but I'm just not into fussy clothes. I really need to change up a bit, I'm too predictable. But I always felt so fat that I stuck with basics. Honestly, I still feel too big for anything fussy or frilly. One of the reasons for the orange.
Now I'm working on a lavender pair of shorts and a pullover top.

I will do the edges with the comfort stitch machine. If you look at your knit tops and many pants you will see 2 rows of stitching used for hems. If you turn it over its with a kind of serger stitch that combines them both. That is what this machine does, it hems and does both sides at the same time. It is difficult to start on fabric, so I will stitch the front and back together on one side, then do the hem all the way across both pieces, then sew the remaining side. It makes the garment look purchased and not home sewn.

I was looking at machines last night, holy smokes. My Memory Craft 6600 on ebay is $2k, they no longer make them. I gave about $800 or so with a trade in. Even the serger I bought just a few years ago for about $400 is now $1299. No wonder people aren't sewing. And the price of fabric is terrible, patterns can be bought on sale, only way I do so no big deal on those.  I only use Guttermen thread, its' a German brand and excellent. I bought some of the regular threads and they would shave off on the needle as it went through and eventually break, so all I use. Quite some time ago I bought a big roll of professional tracing paper from a supply house in NY. The wimpy stuff from Joann's hardly even makes a mark. But I'm not sure the place is still in business, no matter I have plenty.  

I use some of my old favorite patterns over and over, should trace and cut them but I find replacements on line from resalers. Vogues are my favorite, better cut, better fit. Simplicity is just that basic, Butterick a little more and ok, McCalls are good too. I've only used a few Burda, they are different and not like the rest. Might be great if I got used to them, the seam allowances are different.

I came up for a break, time to go back down and continue. After I finish this top and shorts making a pair of PJ's. I will try them on and take a picture later. My hair is awful. Wed we get cuts and I get color so it should be better I hope. Even fixing it the way it is it won't stay nice a day or two. We let ours go way to long this time. But I couldn't get into anyone.

Yes, sewing is not cheap anymore.  And if you are my age, chances are you were raised by parents who didn't teach you all those more traditional things either.  While I was able to get by with a needle and thread, and still remember enough embroidery to make a few nice things, neither my sibling nor I were ever allowed to touch the sewing machine.  Lest we break it.  Well, you can't learn if you can't touch it.

Means learning my way around a machine and a pattern and all those wonderful things didn't happen until I reached adulthood.  And it's expensive.  The main reason I don't do more sewing is because of the cost.  If I screw something up - because I'm not really convinced I'd even be considered an intermediate sewist at this point - it's a lot of money down the drain!  I mostly use free patterns and cheap fabric.  I have it in my mind to try a 'real' quilt, but I'm balking at the cost.  I did make a small quilt from a panel fabric for Kiddo.  Added borders - two colors so two rows - and the backing.  Quilted it on my machine with a walking foot.  And binded it on the machine.  While I enjoyed the project, a panel was a cheaper way to dip my toe into quilting.  

[Deleted]

May 22, 2023 16:07:03 GMT -5 Opti said:

May 22, 2023 15:13:33 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

The dealership put a "complimentary" quote on my car seat when it was in for servicing today.  They offered $20,000 for it which is pretty reasonable based on what Blue Book and Car Guru show.  And I just got an email offering me a new Impreza for $168/mo for 36 months - too bad I hate the Impreza.  But I will look at the Outback and several others

What did you hate about the Impreza? A former coworker had one, so I was going to put it in my list of possibles for the near future.

Sits very low to the ground which makes it challenging to navigate our frequently-flooded roads and to have a good view at many intersections with shrubs and trees.  Underpowered so when I need to move quickly to merge into heavy traffic or avoid a bad driver, it just sits there.  A lot of recalls but that's on me because I bought it the first year it came out.  

Next car will sit much higher from the road, have a lot more acceleration, and have been manufactured for at least 2 years. 

It can be a great car for many I'm sure, but not for my needs here.  

[MarionTh230]

Frizzy hair.  Yeah.  I'm so far down south if the humidity is less than 90% that's a nice day!  I don't have actual curly hair.  Without heat styling at best I'd be considered wavy/slightly curly.  But, my hair is thick, and coarse, and now it's long.  I'm a walking poof-ball if I just wash and go.  Mostly I just use a crap ton of product and heat treatment to get it to some sort of straight or blow-out type style.  Which lasts for about a day.  Then it's either styling it up, or doing a quick once over with heat treatment for the 2nd day.  Third day hair is always up.  Unless it's winter.  I think about two or three times during winter I can rock a third day hair style?

[Deleted]

May 22, 2023 17:04:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the GI doctor.

Reading my bullet journal from last year, I realized and remembered that I was already having stomach issues when I had the colonoscopy done last year. My stomach wasn’t bothering me as often back then, but when I started having issues, it scared me because I was overdue for a colonoscopy, since my Mom and Grandmother both had colon cancer. That is why I made the appointment for a colonoscopy.

I keep reading and hearing about people that went through the symptoms I am having, for a long time, and ended up having tumors or whatnot. I am wondering now, if that’s the case with me, would that have been seen during the colonoscopy since I was already having stomach issues when it was done, or if I do have a tumor somewhere, would it not have been seen when I had the abdominal ultrasound or the CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis.

I guess those are questions to ask tomorrow, during my Dr. visit.

When I had the colonoscopy, I had some polyps removed that turned out to be benign, and moderate diverticulosis, which nobody ever told me about and I recently learned  about on my own, from looking at the results from all the tests I’ve had done since then.

The colonoscopy was in April of last year. Which means I’ve been having issues for over a year now. The symptoms have gotten worse and more frequent, until it got to be every.damn.day starting in December of last year.

This GI Doctor said when I first saw her, that I might end up needing to have another colonoscopy. As much as the first colonoscopy terrorized me, I am willing to do it again, or whatever else I need to do, to help figure out what the fuck is wrong and what needs to happen to fix or at least treat/manage what’s wrong it if it can’t be “fixed”.

I am SO over this shit, no pun intended. Idk how to try to work on my mental health when I spend most of my days being upset, feeling like I need to be near a toilet at all times. Sometimes the en suite bathroom is just barely close enough when I’m in my bedroom. I am SO frustrated and my nerves are really bad.

Your new GI doc better have been living a very righteous life because I'm going to be doing some nasty voodoo doll stuff on him/her if they don't fix this stuff for you.  

[Opti]

May 22, 2023 17:11:06 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

May 22, 2023 16:07:03 GMT -5 Opti said:

What did you hate about the Impreza? A former coworker had one, so I was going to put it in my list of possibles for the near future.

Sits very low to the ground which makes it challenging to navigate our frequently-flooded roads and to have a good view at many intersections with shrubs and trees.  Underpowered so when I need to move quickly to merge into heavy traffic or avoid a bad driver, it just sits there.  A lot of recalls but that's on me because I bought it the first year it came out.  

Next car will sit much higher from the road, have a lot more acceleration, and have been manufactured for at least 2 years. 

It can be a great car for many I'm sure, but not for my needs here.  

Makes sense. Sometimes you just need higher ground clearance and other features. I want a good front seat and prefer better than average acceleration and brakes. I live in NJ, I prefer options that include getting away or not being there when a driver does something especially stupid. 

[giramomma]

I found the cross stitch pattern I was looking for!

Carry on....

[daisylu]

DH and I were talking this morning about a conversation I had over the weekend with my parents, sister, and aunt, where my dad had some something nice for my mom and sister spoke up and said "that took 49 years of training. Its not easy training a man, ask me how I know. ". I told her it is not your job to train him, that was his parents job. You can not "train" a fully grown man. If he is an asshole he is always going to be an asshole, maybe with a little icing on top but still an asshole.

That led to how I have always be independent. I was fine on my own, raising 2 kids by myself. It was hard yes, but by then I knew there was no way I was ever going to put up with another man's bullshit. I was much better off alone, until I met the man who is perfect for me. Sister has never lived on her own. She bounced from parents to boyfriend and back again too many times to count.


ETA : Yes, I told her she chose the wrong man.

[Deleted]

May 22, 2023 18:04:51 GMT -5 daisylu said:

DH and I were talking this morning about a conversation I had over the weekend with my parents, sister, and aunt, where my dad had some something nice for my mom and sister spoke up and said "that took 49 years of training. Its not easy training a man, ask me how I know. ". I told her it is not your job to train him, that was his parents job. You can not "train" a fully grown man. If he is an asshole he is always going to be an asshole, maybe with a little icing on top but still an asshole.

That led to how I have always be independent. I was fine on my own, raising 2 kids by myself. It was hard yes, but by then I knew there was no way I was ever going to put up with another man's bullshit. I was much better off alone, until I met the man who is perfect for me. Sister has never lived on her own. She bounced from parents to boyfriend and back again to many times to count.

  Woulda, coulda, shoulda, but didn't go the solo route of learning.  Again, this is what I wish for those coming up after us all.  

[Pink Cashmere]

May 22, 2023 17:11:18 GMT -5 MarionTh230 said:

Frizzy hair.  Yeah.  I'm so far down south if the humidity is less than 90% that's a nice day!  I don't have actual curly hair.  Without heat styling at best I'd be considered wavy/slightly curly.  But, my hair is thick, and coarse, and now it's long.  I'm a walking poof-ball if I just wash and go.  Mostly I just use a crap ton of product and heat treatment to get it to some sort of straight or blow-out type style.  Which lasts for about a day.  Then it's either styling it up, or doing a quick once over with heat treatment for the 2nd day.  Third day hair is always up.  Unless it's winter.  I think about two or three times during winter I can rock a third day hair style?

I had relaxed hair since at least 14 or 15yo. So when I stopped relaxing it a few years ago, I had no idea what to expect, since I’d never dealt with my natural hair.

When I was in my early teens, I learned how to relax, color and cut my hair myself. After I started my current job, I started going to stylists for all of that and shampooed and styled my hair myself between the 4 or 5 weeks between visits to a stylist for a relaxer and trim. 

Other than a diffuser, I have not used heat on my hair in 6 years. I am pretty sure it would be gorgeous straightened and flat ironed, but I am so afraid of heat damage to my curls that I still haven’t straightened it or had it done.

A big part of my natural hair journey has been accepting my hair as it is. When I first had a big chop, the back and sides of my hair were exposed in all their kinky glory. I was not comfortable or confident with those parts of my natural hair being exposed, but I faked it until I made it, to where I didn’t care what other people thought. My hair is part of the way God made me, and I make no excuses or apologies for no longer trying to make my hair be what it’s not, and using chemicals to make my hair do what is “acceptable” in our society.

When I kept my hair short in a tapered style, I LOVED the freedom of being able to shampoo my hair when I took a shower, and just being able to shampoo my hair as often or whenever I wanted. With relaxed hair, water is an enemy, and shampooing and styling it takes at least 2 hours, and that is if you have access to a hooded dryer. I have one, but I’ve always hated sitting under a dryer for an hour or so, at home and in salons.

Deciding to stop relaxing my hair and wear it natural, was me rebelling against issues I had with Mister, and issues I had with things happening in our nation. It was pretty much an F you, if you have a problem with me and who I am, I’m not gonna back down…. Imma just give you even more of me and the ancestors I come from. I have power that comes from my ancestors, and if a person gets caught up with me wearing my hair the way God blessed me to have it grow out of my head the way it does, that just means to me that that person’s level of vibration and energy needs some work, and really has nothing to do with me and what I do with my hair.

I always try to be honest here, so I will admit that Mister doesn’t like my natural hair. He prefers long, straight hair, and regardless of how long my hair might grow, it will always be curly and not straight. So to me, that means I might as well wear it cut short in a style I like, since it shrinks so much anyway and the only thing that Mister would like is if it’s long and straightened. 

I keep saying (to myself) that I’m going to get it straightened and flat ironed one day, but that is up to  ME, and has nothing to do with  Mister’s preferences.

[Pink Cashmere]

May 22, 2023 17:32:57 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

May 22, 2023 17:04:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the GI doctor.

Reading my bullet journal from last year, I realized and remembered that I was already having stomach issues when I had the colonoscopy done last year. My stomach wasn’t bothering me as often back then, but when I started having issues, it scared me because I was overdue for a colonoscopy, since my Mom and Grandmother both had colon cancer. That is why I made the appointment for a colonoscopy.

I keep reading and hearing about people that went through the symptoms I am having, for a long time, and ended up having tumors or whatnot. I am wondering now, if that’s the case with me, would that have been seen during the colonoscopy since I was already having stomach issues when it was done, or if I do have a tumor somewhere, would it not have been seen when I had the abdominal ultrasound or the CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis.

I guess those are questions to ask tomorrow, during my Dr. visit.

When I had the colonoscopy, I had some polyps removed that turned out to be benign, and moderate diverticulosis, which nobody ever told me about and I recently learned  about on my own, from looking at the results from all the tests I’ve had done since then.

The colonoscopy was in April of last year. Which means I’ve been having issues for over a year now. The symptoms have gotten worse and more frequent, until it got to be every.damn.day starting in December of last year.

This GI Doctor said when I first saw her, that I might end up needing to have another colonoscopy. As much as the first colonoscopy terrorized me, I am willing to do it again, or whatever else I need to do, to help figure out what the fuck is wrong and what needs to happen to fix or at least treat/manage what’s wrong it if it can’t be “fixed”.

I am SO over this shit, no pun intended. Idk how to try to work on my mental health when I spend most of my days being upset, feeling like I need to be near a toilet at all times. Sometimes the en suite bathroom is just barely close enough when I’m in my bedroom. I am SO frustrated and my nerves are really bad.

Your new GI doc better have been living a very righteous life because I'm going to be doing some nasty voodoo doll stuff on him/her if they don't fix this stuff for you.  

 Omg that really made me LOL! 

I will report back after my appointment tomorrow.

[Deleted]

May 22, 2023 18:46:36 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

May 22, 2023 17:32:57 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Your new GI doc better have been living a very righteous life because I'm going to be doing some nasty voodoo doll stuff on him/her if they don't fix this stuff for you.  

 Omg that really made me LOL! 

I will report back after my appointment tomorrow.

Just say I have the really long pins ready 

[countrygirl2]

Hubs is ok, we have had some disagreements about where to live and still do. But he is right about every 10 years or so I'm ready to move. Now I did love the house we had in Texas, the layout was perfect. Wish we had it here and after we added the wonderful garage and bathroom for DD it was great. I had a room I used for my sewing room too.  And it was gorgeous after he redid my kitchen, my dream kitchen, sigh.  

I finished my top, it came out well. I cut it out awhile ago so need to wash it and the one pair of shorts also. Tomorrow, make lavender shorts to go with it. I really like that pattern, very easy to make and fits nicely. Same with the one short pattern.

I only buy patterns when they are a dollar or two. Likely to be more this year but I  have so many doubt I need any more. I'm sure I have a  hundred or more. I have also went through patterns where stores have closed down and bought some for $.50 and $1.00.   And they really don't change that much. Also you can alter them.

I don't use the layouts or instructions unless it's a complicated style. As long as you lay out the fabric either on the bias or grain correctly you can generally use less fabric too. And the arrows are on the patterns, I use a plastic see through measuring tool to make sure its straight on the grain. Knit fabrics are hard to work with but that's what I use for pullover tops. I also need to make some nice blouses.

When I sew, I like to do like now. Be able to concentrate solely on doing it and complete everything I want to make. Can't remember the last time I have been able to do this.  This week we have 3 days of appts and I will have to mow. So need to finish another pair of shorts tomorrow if I can. And the downstairs is really wonderful. I can leave things out and now have plenty of room. But I go in my sewing room and close the door so I won't be caught by someone if I'm in my underwear.  A bathroom will be nice. I think hubs finished it like I have always wanted so I won't to move. Yes, he would do something like that, LOL!

[countrygirl2]

Pink, if you have diverticulosis, that is painful when it gets infected. My DD has diverticuli from her stomach to her rectum. When they get infected she is one very sick girl. She can't stand up straight or hardly walk, she knows when she has a flare. We get her immediately to the doc and get her on flagyl. Our doc here treats her quickly. One day she will likely lose her colon, they wanted to take it out when she was 25 and I said no. And with diet and meds we have managed for 26 years. She had a colon resection at 25 and lost a big piece of it, she almost died, hers perforated. You could just be having flares and if noone is treating it, no wonder you have pain. It is totally debilitating from how I see her react.

I cannot believe someone hasn't found the cause of your pain. But then my mom had gut problems for years, stomach and gut and they basically told her it was in her head. She was so bad she wanted me to have an autopsy done after she died to see why, but I didn't do that, probably should have. 

[susana1954]

I have made a decision to sell my house and temporarily move into an apartment.  I really want to buy a house in a senior living community that is close by, but you have to be ready to buy when they come up.

It is sort of scary given how much I need to do to get ready.  And my sister is coming to stay for a month in July.  I love having her here, but she may not appreciate having to have her room picture perfect while she is here.  I can't afford to miss the whole summer selling season, though.

We will see if I can pull this off with a house guest and a dog!

[Deleted]

May 22, 2023 19:05:00 GMT -5 susana1954 said:

I have made a decision to sell my house and temporarily move into an apartment.  I really want to buy a house in a senior living community that is close by, but you have to be ready to buy when they come up.

It is sort of scary given how much I need to do to get ready.  And my sister is coming to stay for a month in July.  I love having her here, but she may not appreciate having to have her room picture perfect while she is here.  I can't afford to miss the whole summer selling season, though.

We will see if I can pull this off with a house guest and a dog!

That's a big and exciting decision for you - I know you will put all the puzzle pieces together.  You really do have this!

[Pink Cashmere]

Mister is obviously in a mood. YD took some ground beef out of the freezer to thaw today, before she left to go with OD to wherever. I asked Mister what he planned to do with the ground beef and he said he didn’t know, he’s just told YD to take something out of the freezer to thaw out for dinner.

He seemed irritated when I asked him about plans for the ground beef. And that irritated me 

When we first moved here, I was in charge of the groceries and the meals. Mister lost 11lbs the first month we lived here. Then his daughters started being here every day and he started eating what they liked and my efforts to provide healthy meals started to be me wasting money, so I mostly gave up and started eating the same meals they did. I’m not blaming any of them for that, I understand that it was still my choice to stick to a better diet for me, or not,regardless of whatever the people closest to me and in my household did.

[Deleted]

May 22, 2023 13:06:02 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

His wife really has no idea what she would work at. He would pay for her to go to school but her english writing and understanding just isn't that good. And some days she wants to and some days she doesn't.  She is a wonderful artist and could make money from that but he can't convince her she is good enough, she is. So I don't know.

I had to make Smokey leave me alone. He was sitting beside me while I was pinning on the waistband of the culotte/shorts and pulling the pins out of the fabric. I was afraid he would swallow one so took them away. He didn't want to quit so I had to make him move. Don't know what that was about. Then he lay on the ironing board and before that on the waistband so I couldn't get it. Worse then trying to sew with a kid. He is upstairs right now. Came  up to get a drink so down I go.

I had to turn my heater on in my sewing room, it was cold down there. It's 79 out so ready to turn it off, have the basement door open.

I know you have spoken many times about your DIL's struggles with mental health challenges and I'm glad she's found a way to address that with medications.  Not being a native English speaker makes life a lot more difficult for her and I hope someone in her circle of life helps her address the challenge of learning English.  I'm sure some here will disagree, but I don't think quality of life and earnings necessarily align, so I hope she can become a fulfilled woman whether or not that path brings home hard cash. 

[Opti]

May 22, 2023 17:04:51 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I have an appointment tomorrow morning with the GI doctor.

Reading my bullet journal from last year, I realized and remembered that I was already having stomach issues when I had the colonoscopy done last year. My stomach wasn’t bothering me as often back then, but when I started having issues, it scared me because I was overdue for a colonoscopy, since my Mom and Grandmother both had colon cancer. That is why I made the appointment for a colonoscopy.

I keep reading and hearing about people that went through the symptoms I am having, for a long time, and ended up having tumors or whatnot. I am wondering now, if that’s the case with me, would that have been seen during the colonoscopy since I was already having stomach issues when it was done, or if I do have a tumor somewhere, would it not have been seen when I had the abdominal ultrasound or the CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis.

I guess those are questions to ask tomorrow, during my Dr. visit.

When I had the colonoscopy, I had some polyps removed that turned out to be benign, and moderate diverticulosis, which nobody ever told me about and I recently learned  about on my own, from looking at the results from all the tests I’ve had done since then.

The colonoscopy was in April of last year. Which means I’ve been having issues for over a year now. The symptoms have gotten worse and more frequent, until it got to be every.damn.day starting in December of last year.

This GI Doctor said when I first saw her, that I might end up needing to have another colonoscopy. As much as the first colonoscopy terrorized me, I am willing to do it again, or whatever else I need to do, to help figure out what the fuck is wrong and what needs to happen to fix or at least treat/manage what’s wrong it if it can’t be “fixed”.

I am SO over this shit, no pun intended. Idk how to try to work on my mental health when I spend most of my days being upset, feeling like I need to be near a toilet at all times. Sometimes the en suite bathroom is just barely close enough when I’m in my bedroom. I am SO frustrated and my nerves are really bad.

I  haven't kept close enough track plus I am a bit stressed out now with work and lack of car, etc.

Found this, do not remember what you have tried.
www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-wrong-with-my-stomach-4138111

[Deleted]

May 22, 2023 18:55:31 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

Hubs is ok, we have had some disagreements about where to live and still do. But he is right about every 10 years or so I'm ready to move. Now I did love the house we had in Texas, the layout was perfect. Wish we had it here and after we added the wonderful garage and bathroom for DD it was great. I had a room I used for my sewing room too.  And it was gorgeous after he redid my kitchen, my dream kitchen, sigh.  

I finished my top, it came out well. I cut it out awhile ago so need to wash it and the one pair of shorts also. Tomorrow, make lavender shorts to go with it. I really like that pattern, very easy to make and fits nicely. Same with the one short pattern.

I only buy patterns when they are a dollar or two. Likely to be more this year but I  have so many doubt I need any more. I'm sure I have a  hundred or more. I have also went through patterns where stores have closed down and bought some for $.50 and $1.00.   And they really don't change that much. Also you can alter them.

I don't use the layouts or instructions unless it's a complicated style. As long as you lay out the fabric either on the bias or grain correctly you can generally use less fabric too. And the arrows are on the patterns, I use a plastic see through measuring tool to make sure its straight on the grain. Knit fabrics are hard to work with but that's what I use for pullover tops. I also need to make some nice blouses.

When I sew, I like to do like now. Be able to concentrate solely on doing it and complete everything I want to make. Can't remember the last time I have been able to do this.  This week we have 3 days of appts and I will have to mow. So need to finish another pair of shorts tomorrow if I can. And the downstairs is really wonderful. I can leave things out and now have plenty of room. But I go in my sewing room and close the door so I won't be caught by someone if I'm in my underwear.  A bathroom will be nice. I think hubs finished it like I have always wanted so I won't to move. Yes, he would do something like that, LOL!

That's EXACTLY what we have long, tough conversations about as we both feel the itch from time to time and recognize it for what it is.  But we don't have your kind of financial freedom to spend money on that itch.  I think we are very close, maybe a year out, from doing the whole apartment search, Quicken report, Excel spreadsheet thing again.  My term on the community board ends December 31, 2024 and that a good time to move on.  

I'll miss where I'm at but I'm no fool either.  Our new location will not be any cheaper but it will be easier in some ways for me.

[NoNamePerson]

May 22, 2023 18:48:09 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

May 22, 2023 18:46:36 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

 Omg that really made me LOL! 

I will report back after my appointment tomorrow.

Just say I have the really long pins ready 

I have plenty of really long pins also. With dull points too so we are good to go Pink Cashmere. Warn the doc!  But seriously I hope you can get some relief or at least some good answers and can move forward finding a solution.  

[countrygirl2]

She has gone to ESL classes and she is doing better. I am not critical because I'm sure I would struggle badly. I do help her when she misspeaks, in private of course. I asked her if I make her feel bad she said no, she appreciates me correcting her so she doesn't feel embarrassed. I think part of it is she mostly had friends that spoke russian and with her sister. I know when we are around it helps her. And she speaks russian to grandson so he can understand his grandparents. He said he understands a lot but has trouble speaking it. Of course his command of english is excellent, in fact way above grade level I'm sure.  He is really interested in learning about anything and everything so he is ok.

I don't think she talks to her sister all they time since they got into it. That makes me sad for her, the things her sister said to her.  That would really hurt me too.