what are you doing right now?

[Pink Cashmere]

Thinking of you daisylu.

If you can, please let us know when you make it home safely.

[Artemis Windsong]

daisylu - May your strength and determination carry you through this sad time.

[toomuchreality]

May 18, 2023 11:51:39 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

that's why I didn't fill it out til I got there. I only brought the 1 blank with me. no requirement for a single check. snarky memo line comment made, and I got my dated receipt. the woman was confused when I asked about a single check. I said well, if they are going to make me waste a 2nd check, I'm going to waste their time to process both. 🤷‍♀️. I'll be interested to see what the back of the original looks like after processing.

I actually ended up wasting more time than expected bc I misread the address (deputy tax collector, not at Town Hall) ans went to the industrial park near downtown first. turns out the office was in the park clear across town...so, 1h+ round trip. 🙄

The back will look the same as it always does/has. I'd be SHOCKED if it doesn't.
I used to encode checks (payments) for my local gas company. We processed thousands of checks every day. It was rare to take your eyes off anything but the pertinent information. I also worked as a cashier and in the credit department, working with "walk in" customers, for the most part. Even if they do notice a comment, it would not be professional to respond on the back. If a response is needed, they will contact you, but not on the back of your check.

I'm glad you got it taken care of. Although I realize it was a pain in the butt, for you.

[Opti]

I think Gethsemane is the signature song for JC Superstar. And I agree I did not think John Legend's voice was a good match for that musical.

My mom's chorus did Joseph and the Technicolor Dream Coat. Then I saw it in NYC years later. Good show. 

[chiver78]

May 18, 2023 15:06:39 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

May 18, 2023 11:51:39 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

that's why I didn't fill it out til I got there. I only brought the 1 blank with me. no requirement for a single check. snarky memo line comment made, and I got my dated receipt. the woman was confused when I asked about a single check. I said well, if they are going to make me waste a 2nd check, I'm going to waste their time to process both. 🤷‍♀️. I'll be interested to see what the back of the original looks like after processing.

I actually ended up wasting more time than expected bc I misread the address (deputy tax collector, not at Town Hall) ans went to the industrial park near downtown first. turns out the office was in the park clear across town...so, 1h+ round trip. 🙄

The back will look the same as it always does/has. I'd be SHOCKED if it doesn't.
I used to encode checks (payments) for my local gas company. We processed thousands of checks every day. It was rare to take your eyes off anything but the pertinent information. I also worked as a cashier and in the credit department, working with "walk in" customers, for the most part. Even if they do notice a comment, it would not be professional to respond on the back. If a response is needed, they will contact you, but not on the back of your check.

I'm glad you got it taken care of. Although I realize it was a pain in the butt, for you.

oh, what I meant was that the endorsing space was already completely filled by the original 4-line stamp and crossed out. then there's the "don't write below this line" space that now also has a checkbox for mobile deposits. I'm actually *hoping* this creates a problem for them, because I have my dated receipt showing paid, by the deputy tax collector as this was now a warrant for unpaid taxes. when I went in the other day, I asked if I could just hand back the check and pay the BS late fee. I didn't actually say BS, and hadn't been snippy until this bitch got snippy with me and said here's the collections details, call them. excuse me? whoo...... so this was why I wanted to know if that original check was still legal tender being uncashed. I said this morning, I recognize I'm being petty AF, and I'll own that. waste my time and brainpower on bullshit like this? I'm going to send it back in spades. have fun with all of that, snowflakes! 

my snarky memo comment wasn't nearly as bad as some of the things I thought of this morning, but it did include the word "bullshit" so that sanity check was nice. I had a colleague that used to write in "for sexual favors" on most of the checks he wrote, ~20y ago. 

[toomuchreality]

May 18, 2023 15:18:15 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

May 18, 2023 15:06:39 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

The back will look the same as it always does/has. I'd be SHOCKED if it doesn't.
I used to encode checks (payments) for my local gas company. We processed thousands of checks every day. It was rare to take your eyes off anything but the pertinent information. I also worked as a cashier and in the credit department, working with "walk in" customers, for the most part. Even if they do notice a comment, it would not be professional to respond on the back. If a response is needed, they will contact you, but not on the back of your check.

I'm glad you got it taken care of. Although I realize it was a pain in the butt, for you.

oh, what I meant was that the endorsing space was already completely filled by the original 4-line stamp and crossed out. then there's the "don't write below this line" space that now also has a checkbox for mobile deposits. I'm actually *hoping* this creates a problem for them, because I have my dated receipt showing paid, by the deputy tax collector as this was now a warrant for unpaid taxes. when I went in the other day, I asked if I could just hand back the check and pay the BS late fee. I didn't actually say BS, and hadn't been snippy until this bitch got snippy with me and said here's the collections details, call them. excuse me? whoo...... so this was why I wanted to know if that original check was still legal tender being uncashed. I said this morning, I recognize I'm being petty AF, and I'll own that. waste my time and brainpower on bullshit like this? I'm going to send it back in spades. have fun with all of that, snowflakes! 

my snarky memo comment wasn't nearly as bad as some of the things I thought of this morning, but it did include the word "bullshit" so that sanity check was nice. I had a colleague that used to write in "for sexual favors" on most of the checks he wrote, ~20y ago. 

Sometimes I almost enjoy doing things like this, when someone unnecessarily pisses me off.

That's hilarious, about the guy writing "for sexual favors" on his checks! Hahaha

I used to have checks printed with big red lips in the center. Right above my signature line, they had, "Kiss it goodbye!" printed on them.

[Pink Cashmere]

May 18, 2023 15:06:39 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

May 18, 2023 11:51:39 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

that's why I didn't fill it out til I got there. I only brought the 1 blank with me. no requirement for a single check. snarky memo line comment made, and I got my dated receipt. the woman was confused when I asked about a single check. I said well, if they are going to make me waste a 2nd check, I'm going to waste their time to process both. 🤷‍♀️. I'll be interested to see what the back of the original looks like after processing.

I actually ended up wasting more time than expected bc I misread the address (deputy tax collector, not at Town Hall) ans went to the industrial park near downtown first. turns out the office was in the park clear across town...so, 1h+ round trip. 🙄

The back will look the same as it always does/has. I'd be SHOCKED if it doesn't.
I used to encode checks (payments) for my local gas company. We processed thousands of checks every day. It was rare to take your eyes off anything but the pertinent information. I also worked as a cashier and in the credit department, working with "walk in" customers, for the most part. Even if they do notice a comment, it would not be professional to respond on the back. If a response is needed, they will contact you, but not on the back of your check.

I'm glad you got it taken care of. Although I realize it was a pain in the butt, for you.

I’ve worked for a bank, in 2 different departments, and 2 more that I’d work in for OT. All of those departments involved encoding checks, either for large corporations that banked there, or customer deposits from all the branches in the area. The only thing that mattered as far as my job, was the amount the check was written for. If the little box for the numerical numbers didn’t match the line where the amount was written out, the written out amount was the one that mattered. 

The date didn’t even matter. Post dating a check only means something if you can trust whoever you wrote the check to, to hold it until that date. If they deposit it before that date, it’s getting processed. The memo line wasn’t even on our radar.

I remember when I worked handling customer deposits, I had a deposit from a chain pizza place, and one of the checks had to be from a child that had taken one of their parents’ checks that had already been processed for some other transaction, and crossed everything out in pencil and wrote what they wanted to on it, also in pencil. I can’t imagine why somebody at the pizza place accepted that check lol. My job didn’t include trying to figure it out, if there was a problem with a check, or the checks in a deposit didn’t add up to the total the customer wrote on the total amount on the deposit slip, I set it to the side for another department to handle.

When I first transferred to that department and was training, another new lady asked the supervisor what to do with a deposit slip where the customer had written their info and account number on a blank deposit slip The supervisor showed her what to do, and for the rest of the day, the new lady used that same account number (which was a local restaurant), every time she came across a deposit slip where the customer had written their account number. Which of course, created a huge mess, with the restaurant getting deposits that didn’t belong to them, and the other customers not having their deposits credited to their accounts. 

That is when I decided to always use the preprinted deposit slips that come with your checks, instead of filling out the blank ones you can get at the bank. Because I saw first hand how that can go awry lol.

[toomuchreality]

May 18, 2023 15:37:58 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

May 18, 2023 15:06:39 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

The back will look the same as it always does/has. I'd be SHOCKED if it doesn't.
I used to encode checks (payments) for my local gas company. We processed thousands of checks every day. It was rare to take your eyes off anything but the pertinent information. I also worked as a cashier and in the credit department, working with "walk in" customers, for the most part. Even if they do notice a comment, it would not be professional to respond on the back. If a response is needed, they will contact you, but not on the back of your check.

I'm glad you got it taken care of. Although I realize it was a pain in the butt, for you.

I’ve worked for a bank, in 2 different departments, and 2 more that I’d work in for OT. All of those departments involved encoding checks, either for large corporations that banked there, or customer deposits from all the branches in the area. The only thing that mattered as far as my job, was the amount the check was written for. If the little box for the numerical numbers didn’t match the line where the amount was written out, the written out amount was the one that mattered. 

The date didn’t even matter. Post dating a check only means something if you can trust whoever you wrote the check to, to hold it until that date. If they deposit it before that date, it’s getting processed. The memo line wasn’t even on our radar.

I remember when I worked handling customer deposits, I had a deposit from a chain pizza place, and one of the checks had to be from a child that had taken one of their parents’ checks that had already been processed for some other transaction, and crossed everything out in pencil and wrote what they wanted to on it, also in pencil. I can’t imagine why somebody at the pizza place accepted that check lol. My job didn’t include trying to figure it out, if there was a problem with a check, or the checks in a deposit didn’t add up to the total the customer wrote on the total amount on the deposit slip, I set it to the side for another department to handle.

When I first transferred to that department and was training, another new lady asked the supervisor what to do with a deposit slip where the customer had written their info and account number on a blank deposit slip The supervisor showed her what to do, and for the rest of the day, the new lady used that same account number (which was a local restaurant), every time she came across a deposit slip where the customer had written their account number. Which of course, created a huge mess, with the restaurant getting deposits that didn’t belong to them, and the other customers not having their deposits credited to their accounts. 

That is when I decided to always use the preprinted deposit slips that come with your checks, instead of filling out the blank ones you can get at the bank. Because I saw first hand how that can go awry lol.

Exactly.

[Opti]

May 18, 2023 12:31:30 GMT -5 Peace77 said:

We have little birds that are tearing up the screens to the windows. They sit on the window ledge and pull out the metal threads.  Is there any way to get rid of them or stop them without hurting them?

Try putting out nesting material they might like instead? I'd also try taping down the screens or removing them temporarily.

[Opti]

May 18, 2023 15:37:58 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

May 18, 2023 15:06:39 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

The back will look the same as it always does/has. I'd be SHOCKED if it doesn't.
I used to encode checks (payments) for my local gas company. We processed thousands of checks every day. It was rare to take your eyes off anything but the pertinent information. I also worked as a cashier and in the credit department, working with "walk in" customers, for the most part. Even if they do notice a comment, it would not be professional to respond on the back. If a response is needed, they will contact you, but not on the back of your check.

I'm glad you got it taken care of. Although I realize it was a pain in the butt, for you.

I’ve worked for a bank, in 2 different departments, and 2 more that I’d work in for OT. All of those departments involved encoding checks, either for large corporations that banked there, or customer deposits from all the branches in the area. The only thing that mattered as far as my job, was the amount the check was written for. If the little box for the numerical numbers didn’t match the line where the amount was written out, the written out amount was the one that mattered. 

The date didn’t even matter. Post dating a check only means something if you can trust whoever you wrote the check to, to hold it until that date. If they deposit it before that date, it’s getting processed. The memo line wasn’t even on our radar.

I remember when I worked handling customer deposits, I had a deposit from a chain pizza place, and one of the checks had to be from a child that had taken one of their parents’ checks that had already been processed for some other transaction, and crossed everything out in pencil and wrote what they wanted to on it, also in pencil. I can’t imagine why somebody at the pizza place accepted that check lol. My job didn’t include trying to figure it out, if there was a problem with a check, or the checks in a deposit didn’t add up to the total the customer wrote on the total amount on the deposit slip, I set it to the side for another department to handle.

When I first transferred to that department and was training, another new lady asked the supervisor what to do with a deposit slip where the customer had written their info and account number on a blank deposit slip The supervisor showed her what to do, and for the rest of the day, the new lady used that same account number (which was a local restaurant), every time she came across a deposit slip where the customer had written their account number. Which of course, created a huge mess, with the restaurant getting deposits that didn’t belong to them, and the other customers not having their deposits credited to their accounts. 

That is when I decided to always use the preprinted deposit slips that come with your checks, instead of filling out the blank ones you can get at the bank. Because I saw first hand how that can go awry lol.

I also think the size of the bank matters. If its BOA, TD Bank, Wells Fargo etc. it just gets processed as you say. Smaller regional banks do not have the float that the big ones do, so mine does check the dates. If it isn't within a day of the current date, we don't accept it. I carefully look at the 90-day, 180 day etc. notes on the checks as well when depositing or cashing them.

Deposit slips. I think I could do several instructional videos on that alone. It is amazing how people think sometimes. Here's a check, its going into 5 different accounts with different amounts and oh on this account I want the part I am not depositing or transferring back in cash.  (The slips do not reflect banking reality, so ...  )

[Pink Cashmere]

Mister’s uncle (Baby Sister’s husband) called him early yesterday. They are bringing Dad home next week. That immediately stressed Mister out. 

He has been asking for at least a month, for Brother to get some boxes and start boxing up their Mom’s stuff, so that whenever Dad did come home, there wouldn’t be so many reminders. As of today, Brother has not even started on it. Me being bitchy, I said the female that brother let move into the house could’ve been doing that or at least helping him with it.

Mister also told Brother a few weeks ago that him and horseface (the female that’s living there now) needed to at least pay the utility bill. Crickets on that.

So today Mister said again that he feels like his brother is playing with him and taking advantage of him, and it makes him want to fight. We are both too old to be trying to resolve issues by laying hands on people, but I really do understand what he means. What I don’t understand, given everything I’ve been told about Mister’s temper and how he can act sometimes, is why his brother doesn’t seem bothered about incurring Mister’s wrath. Mister is not asking anything of him that’s unreasonable for a good and grown ass man, to contribute SOMETHING to where he lays his head every night. Half the time, Brother’s excuse is that he is so emotional about their Mom dying, as if she wasn’t MISTER’S MOM TOO. But he and their Dad leave everything to Mister to handle, like he didn’t lose his Mom that he was so close to and talked to and joked with almost every single day and many times, several times each day. 

I went on a tangent and forgot what I originally meant to say, so Imma just hush now.

[chiver78]

moving away from the stupid checks, as that's over and done with. woosah.     this hardy New England bitch is pointing a middle finger at Mother Nature while she finishes her work day out on the deck with a hoodie, fuzzy slippers, and gloves. it's late May, and it's time. the pollen count is absurd, you can at least allow the temps to rise to seasonal!! the interior of my house is yellow b/c I had the windows open last week while I could, and then haven't had a chance to deep clean since I came home. this weekend is going to be soaking rain, so I hope to get through the main floor to clear it all out. 

Pink Cashmere - do you guys have a lawyer on retainer? can you draw up paperwork to legally remove Mister's financial responsibility (I'm not sure what had already been established) for these decisions you and he clearly disagree with? I'm not sure what else can be done rn, if general POA isn't already in place, Dad's going to buck it. and I've got a solid story about how that can go horribly wrong (not a grand, but my grand's BIL. and it's a fucking doozy). whatever y'all end up doing in hte short term, please keep us posted in case we can help with things you may not have navigated before. and, big hugs to all of you. 

[notagain]

I have not been to many live shows(man of La Mancha, Phantom of the opera) but the one I remember best is seeing the opera Carmen when I was in 6th grade(school trip) I loved it and still get excited when I hear the bullfighter song dam auto correct wants it to be tormentor song!

[Pink Cashmere]

May 18, 2023 15:51:49 GMT -5 Opti said:

May 18, 2023 15:37:58 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I’ve worked for a bank, in 2 different departments, and 2 more that I’d work in for OT. All of those departments involved encoding checks, either for large corporations that banked there, or customer deposits from all the branches in the area. The only thing that mattered as far as my job, was the amount the check was written for. If the little box for the numerical numbers didn’t match the line where the amount was written out, the written out amount was the one that mattered. 

The date didn’t even matter. Post dating a check only means something if you can trust whoever you wrote the check to, to hold it until that date. If they deposit it before that date, it’s getting processed. The memo line wasn’t even on our radar.

I remember when I worked handling customer deposits, I had a deposit from a chain pizza place, and one of the checks had to be from a child that had taken one of their parents’ checks that had already been processed for some other transaction, and crossed everything out in pencil and wrote what they wanted to on it, also in pencil. I can’t imagine why somebody at the pizza place accepted that check lol. My job didn’t include trying to figure it out, if there was a problem with a check, or the checks in a deposit didn’t add up to the total the customer wrote on the total amount on the deposit slip, I set it to the side for another department to handle.

When I first transferred to that department and was training, another new lady asked the supervisor what to do with a deposit slip where the customer had written their info and account number on a blank deposit slip The supervisor showed her what to do, and for the rest of the day, the new lady used that same account number (which was a local restaurant), every time she came across a deposit slip where the customer had written their account number. Which of course, created a huge mess, with the restaurant getting deposits that didn’t belong to them, and the other customers not having their deposits credited to their accounts. 

That is when I decided to always use the preprinted deposit slips that come with your checks, instead of filling out the blank ones you can get at the bank. Because I saw first hand how that can go awry lol.

I also think the size of the bank matters. If its BOA, TD Bank, Wells Fargo etc. it just gets processed as you say. Smaller regional banks do not have the float that the big ones do, so mine does check the dates. If it isn't within a day of the current date, we don't accept it. I carefully look at the 90-day, 180 day etc. notes on the checks as well when depositing or cashing them.

Deposit slips. I think I could do several instructional videos on that alone. It is amazing how people think sometimes. Here's a check, its going into 5 different accounts with different amounts and oh on this account I want the part I am not depositing or transferring back in cash.  (The slips do not reflect banking reality, so ...  )

The bank I worked for is a regional bank. Maybe the tellers were supposed to pay attention to the dates, but once it got to us in operations, the date didn’t matter. 

But there’s also the fact that businesses would make a deposit with dozens of checks they’d received as payments. I don’t think the tellers were required to look at each check in the deposit individually. 

The first job I had at that bank was in a department that only handled checks for FedEx. One side was the mailroom to open the envelopes and the side I worked in was keying all the checks payable to FEDEX. If we made a certain number or kind of mistakes keying, our department would have to pay a fine to FEDEX. I saw a few checks made out for over a million dollars. I was surprised, I thought that kind of money would be paid through electronic transfers or something, and not with a paper check. This was in the mid ‘90’s when I didn’t even have a PC or internet access myself, but I was still surprised that a company would write a paper check for over $1million. 

[Deleted]

May 18, 2023 15:31:58 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

May 18, 2023 15:18:15 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

oh, what I meant was that the endorsing space was already completely filled by the original 4-line stamp and crossed out. then there's the "don't write below this line" space that now also has a checkbox for mobile deposits. I'm actually *hoping* this creates a problem for them, because I have my dated receipt showing paid, by the deputy tax collector as this was now a warrant for unpaid taxes. when I went in the other day, I asked if I could just hand back the check and pay the BS late fee. I didn't actually say BS, and hadn't been snippy until this bitch got snippy with me and said here's the collections details, call them. excuse me? whoo...... so this was why I wanted to know if that original check was still legal tender being uncashed. I said this morning, I recognize I'm being petty AF, and I'll own that. waste my time and brainpower on bullshit like this? I'm going to send it back in spades. have fun with all of that, snowflakes! 

my snarky memo comment wasn't nearly as bad as some of the things I thought of this morning, but it did include the word "bullshit" so that sanity check was nice. I had a colleague that used to write in "for sexual favors" on most of the checks he wrote, ~20y ago. 

Sometimes I almost enjoy doing things like this, when someone unnecessarily pisses me off.

That's hilarious, about the guy writing "for sexual favors" on his checks! Hahaha

I used to have checks printed with big red lips in the center. Right above my signature line, they had, "Kiss it goodbye!" printed on them.

"best bud I ever bought" on the memo line works well too

[Opti]

May 18, 2023 16:00:34 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mister’s uncle (Baby Sister’s husband) called him early yesterday. They are bringing Dad home next week. That immediately stressed Mister out. 

He has been asking for at least a month, for Brother to get some boxes and start boxing up their Mom’s stuff, so that whenever Dad did come home, there wouldn’t be so many reminders. As of today, Brother has not even started on it. Me being bitchy, I said the female that brother let move into the house could’ve been doing that or at least helping him with it.

Mister also told Brother a few weeks ago that him and horseface (the female that’s living there now) needed to at least pay the utility bill. Crickets on that.

So today Mister said again that he feels like his brother is playing with him and taking advantage of him, and it makes him want to fight. We are both too old to be trying to resolve issues by laying hands on people, but I really do understand what he means. What I don’t understand, given everything I’ve been told about Mister’s temper and how he can act sometimes, is why his brother doesn’t seem bothered about incurring Mister’s wrath. Mister is not asking anything of him that’s unreasonable for a good and grown ass man, to contribute SOMETHING to where he lays his head every night. Half the time, Brother’s excuse is that he is so emotional about their Mom dying, as if she wasn’t MISTER’S MOM TOO. But he and their Dad leave everything to Mister to handle, like he didn’t lose his Mom that he was so close to and talked to and joked with almost every single day and many times, several times each day. 

I went on a tangent and forgot what I originally meant to say, so Imma just hush now.

Can he afford to pay someone to box up his mom's things? Second, I think Mister should write up a document and get a lawyer to send it to brother. (Obviously go with lawyer legal suggestions) Come up with reasonable things for him to meet and consequences if he does not. (Yes, including eviction)

I personally think brother's woman is a red herring unless she married him. This is an issue between Mister and his brother brought on by how he feels about his Dad. He probably also doesn't want dad to trash his mom's things, which really should be looked at by him and his brother to determine what if anything to keep and what is given away etc. 

Not fun for most of it I am sure, but it needs to be done unless you are paying for pros to take it all so one does not have to deal with it. FWIW, My sister recently mailed me a card for my birthday that they found in some of the stuff mom saved. Mom had a whole system for saving wrapping paper, un used cards, seasonal stickers, etc. I'm fairly sure it came from there. Old style rocking horse with a kid on it, cut out so in theory it can stand up like a rocking horse. A small breeze defeats it easily if I open a window.

[Opti]

May 18, 2023 16:15:13 GMT -5 notagain said:

I have not been to many live shows(man of La Mancha, Phantom of the opera) but the one I remember best is seeing the opera Carmen when I was in 6th grade(school trip) I loved it and still get excited when I hear the bullfighter song dam auto correct wants it to be tormentor song!

Man of La Mancha was my mom's favorite musical of all time. I have not yet seen an opera in person. I would like to go into NYC and see one, someday soon.

[Deleted]

May 18, 2023 16:00:34 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mister’s uncle (Baby Sister’s husband) called him early yesterday. They are bringing Dad home next week. That immediately stressed Mister out. 

He has been asking for at least a month, for Brother to get some boxes and start boxing up their Mom’s stuff, so that whenever Dad did come home, there wouldn’t be so many reminders. As of today, Brother has not even started on it. Me being bitchy, I said the female that brother let move into the house could’ve been doing that or at least helping him with it.

Mister also told Brother a few weeks ago that him and horseface (the female that’s living there now) needed to at least pay the utility bill. Crickets on that.

So today Mister said again that he feels like his brother is playing with him and taking advantage of him, and it makes him want to fight. We are both too old to be trying to resolve issues by laying hands on people, but I really do understand what he means. What I don’t understand, given everything I’ve been told about Mister’s temper and how he can act sometimes, is why his brother doesn’t seem bothered about incurring Mister’s wrath. Mister is not asking anything of him that’s unreasonable for a good and grown ass man, to contribute SOMETHING to where he lays his head every night. Half the time, Brother’s excuse is that he is so emotional about their Mom dying, as if she wasn’t MISTER’S MOM TOO. But he and their Dad leave everything to Mister to handle, like he didn’t lose his Mom that he was so close to and talked to and joked with almost every single day and many times, several times each day. 

I went on a tangent and forgot what I originally meant to say, so Imma just hush now.

That is absolutely the most worthless piss-poor excuse I've ever heard, like none of us have ever felt loss and pain.  How dare he disrespect the woman who gave him life by laying up there in that house with a friend, not paying a dime, and using her name to justify being a scumbag?  If I'm this mad, I can't even imagine where Mister is.  

[Deleted]

Slept pretty well.  I scrubbed and refilled the bird baths, and watered the potted plants, pulled a few weeds, and helped DH whack a few low-hanging tree branches.  Showered and we went to a group luncheon with our bank's travel club.  It was really good Chinese food and I had a great conversation with the branch manager about the underlying causes of recent bank failures.  The manager said the FDIC keeps calling our bank to see if they want to buy out some struggling smaller banks, which they sometimes do.  

Tomorrow's a meet-up type lunch with folks from our former church, run by the grocery for wine, and clean the bathrooms.  Saturday will be more weed eradication and laundry.  

[susana1954]

"Just say no" department:

If someone says, "We aren't going to bake cakes this year for the women's luncheon.  Instead, you will each make 60+ mini-cupcakes because they will look so incredibly cute on these dessert stands that we are going to craft the day before the luncheon . . . "  Never mind that it takes 4x as long.  And that's just the cupcake part.  I am working while they craft, thank the Lord.

Don't say, "Hell, no!" because it's a church function, but God's grace will cover you if you think it.

[Pink Cashmere]

May 18, 2023 16:13:47 GMT -5 chiver78 said:

moving away from the stupid checks, as that's over and done with. woosah.     this hardy New England bitch is pointing a middle finger at Mother Nature while she finishes her work day out on the deck with a hoodie, fuzzy slippers, and gloves. it's late May, and it's time. the pollen count is absurd, you can at least allow the temps to rise to seasonal!! the interior of my house is yellow b/c I had the windows open last week while I could, and then haven't had a chance to deep clean since I came home. this weekend is going to be soaking rain, so I hope to get through the main floor to clear it all out. 

Pink Cashmere - do you guys have a lawyer on retainer? can you draw up paperwork to legally remove Mister's financial responsibility (I'm not sure what had already been established) for these decisions you and he clearly disagree with? I'm not sure what else can be done rn, if general POA isn't already in place, Dad's going to buck it. and I've got a solid story about how that can go horribly wrong (not a grand, but my grand's BIL. and it's a fucking doozy). whatever y'all end up doing in hte short term, please keep us posted in case we can help with things you may not have navigated before. and, big hugs to all of you. 

Thank you!

There is a settlement that was made with an insurance company from a car accident, that was causing the problems with Medicare with his Mom going to rehab. The settlement was payable to both Mom and Dad IIRC. Now that she has died, they will only release the funds to an estate account.

Mister was told he had to set up an estate account where his Mom had her bank accounts. He took her death certificate with him to her bank to try to do that, and they wouldn’t do it, saying her estate needed to go through probate before he could set up an estate account, and btw, one of her accounts is overdrawn because of the automatic payments she had coming from that account.

Mister has some kind of prepaid legal services (that Idk anything about, like how that works) and when he ran into the stumbling block about probate, he contacted them and was sent some paperwork. My research said that in our state, if a deceased person has less than $50k in assets, and no real estate, the estate doesn’t have to go through the whole probate process, and that is also pretty much what Mister was told when he reached out to whoever with the prepaid legal services he has.

If it was up to me, I’d just let an attorney handle all of the legalities concerning his Mom’s death, and his Dad. But I am not Mister, and there is only so far that I’m willing to go with being pushy about all of this. Especially since my money is funny right now and I can’t put my money where my mouth is, insisting he do something that costs money.

The POA with his Dad, Mister agreed with me that it was better to do it with an attorney, but he still ended up doing it his way. So I’m not sure it would hold up legally if push came to shove. I fully understand why he’s trying to not spend any more money than necessary, given the literally tens of thousands of dollars he’s spent since last fall, trying to help his parents, so I tread carefully with my thinking that it’s worth spending another few thousand dollars to try to get all this shit squared away, when I have nothing to contribute to help pay for it.

[Pink Cashmere]

May 18, 2023 16:20:57 GMT -5 Opti said:

May 18, 2023 16:00:34 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

Mister’s uncle (Baby Sister’s husband) called him early yesterday. They are bringing Dad home next week. That immediately stressed Mister out. 

He has been asking for at least a month, for Brother to get some boxes and start boxing up their Mom’s stuff, so that whenever Dad did come home, there wouldn’t be so many reminders. As of today, Brother has not even started on it. Me being bitchy, I said the female that brother let move into the house could’ve been doing that or at least helping him with it.

Mister also told Brother a few weeks ago that him and horseface (the female that’s living there now) needed to at least pay the utility bill. Crickets on that.

So today Mister said again that he feels like his brother is playing with him and taking advantage of him, and it makes him want to fight. We are both too old to be trying to resolve issues by laying hands on people, but I really do understand what he means. What I don’t understand, given everything I’ve been told about Mister’s temper and how he can act sometimes, is why his brother doesn’t seem bothered about incurring Mister’s wrath. Mister is not asking anything of him that’s unreasonable for a good and grown ass man, to contribute SOMETHING to where he lays his head every night. Half the time, Brother’s excuse is that he is so emotional about their Mom dying, as if she wasn’t MISTER’S MOM TOO. But he and their Dad leave everything to Mister to handle, like he didn’t lose his Mom that he was so close to and talked to and joked with almost every single day and many times, several times each day. 

I went on a tangent and forgot what I originally meant to say, so Imma just hush now.

Can he afford to pay someone to box up his mom's things? Second, I think Mister should write up a document and get a lawyer to send it to brother. (Obviously go with lawyer legal suggestions) Come up with reasonable things for him to meet and consequences if he does not. (Yes, including eviction)

I personally think brother's woman is a red herring unless she married him. This is an issue between Mister and his brother brought on by how he feels about his Dad. He probably also doesn't want dad to trash his mom's things, which really should be looked at by him and his brother to determine what if anything to keep and what is given away etc. 

Not fun for most of it I am sure, but it needs to be done unless you are paying for pros to take it all so one does not have to deal with it. FWIW, My sister recently mailed me a card for my birthday that they found in some of the stuff mom saved. Mom had a whole system for saving wrapping paper, un used cards, seasonal stickers, etc. I'm fairly sure it came from there. Old style rocking horse with a kid on it, cut out so in theory it can stand up like a rocking horse. A small breeze defeats it easily if I open a window.

Horseface is not Brother’s woman. She is a leech that latched onto their family years before I even met Mister. When I first met Mister, his parents considered her as their “adopted daughter”, but I am pretty sure they didn’t know that she was making moves on Mister while he was still married to the girls’ Mom, and trying to use the girls to get closer to Mister.

Or maybe they did know and didn’t care.

I didn’t know she’d been around as long as she was, until a recent conversation with Mister’s ex wife, the girls’ Mom, where she said she’d told horseface to leave her daughters alone because horseface was buying the girls journals and shit and trying to get them to confide in her things they didn’t want to tell their Mom, but she wasn’t communicating with their Mom. I understood what the girls’ Mom meant, and had a problem with, because I had family members that my children would share things with that they didn’t want to talk to me about, but if my children told my family members something that they felt I should know, they would tell me, and I would address it without revealing how I knew about it. That’s not what horseface was doing, she was just trying to get close to the girls, to try to get close to Mister.

And when I made a big deal about her to Mister, and made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with her and I was not okay with her calling and texting him about her problems that I didn’t give a fuck about, she latched on to his brother. She might be brother’s playmate, idk, but she is definitely not his GF.

[giramomma]

May 18, 2023 13:03:26 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

We did JC Superstar in high-school and it was amazeballs if I say so myself. Mixed cast, Judas was a girl and was just amazing.

Did I mention it was amazing?

Dh and I are going to The Book of Mormon I June. I cannot wait.

We did Fiddler in HS. I felt the same way about the experience.

I did some musicals in college and beyond. My favorite was Guys and Dolls. 

They were just so magical.

[chiver78]

May 18, 2023 16:51:58 GMT -5 susana1954 said:

"Just say no" department:

If someone says, "We aren't going to bake cakes this year for the women's luncheon.  Instead, you will each make 60+ mini-cupcakes because they will look so incredibly cute on these dessert stands that we are going to craft the day before the luncheon . . . "  Never mind that it takes 4x as long.  And that's just the cupcake part.  I am working while they craft, thank the Lord.

Don't say, "Hell, no!" because it's a church function, but God's grace will cover you if you think it.

um, what? I've tried to read this in a few different voices from my childhood, but I'm still not there. 

[Opti]

May 18, 2023 16:19:45 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

May 18, 2023 15:31:58 GMT -5 toomuchreality said:

Sometimes I almost enjoy doing things like this, when someone unnecessarily pisses me off.

That's hilarious, about the guy writing "for sexual favors" on his checks! Hahaha

I used to have checks printed with big red lips in the center. Right above my signature line, they had, "Kiss it goodbye!" printed on them.

"best bud I ever bought" on the memo line works well too

I like Happy Birthday, but those checks are other people's deposits. 

[Opti]

May 18, 2023 17:15:32 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

May 18, 2023 16:20:57 GMT -5 Opti said:

Can he afford to pay someone to box up his mom's things? Second, I think Mister should write up a document and get a lawyer to send it to brother. (Obviously go with lawyer legal suggestions) Come up with reasonable things for him to meet and consequences if he does not. (Yes, including eviction)

I personally think brother's woman is a red herring unless she married him. This is an issue between Mister and his brother brought on by how he feels about his Dad. He probably also doesn't want dad to trash his mom's things, which really should be looked at by him and his brother to determine what if anything to keep and what is given away etc. 

Not fun for most of it I am sure, but it needs to be done unless you are paying for pros to take it all so one does not have to deal with it. FWIW, My sister recently mailed me a card for my birthday that they found in some of the stuff mom saved. Mom had a whole system for saving wrapping paper, un used cards, seasonal stickers, etc. I'm fairly sure it came from there. Old style rocking horse with a kid on it, cut out so in theory it can stand up like a rocking horse. A small breeze defeats it easily if I open a window.

Horseface is not Brother’s woman. She is a leech that latched onto their family years before I even met Mister. When I first met Mister, his parents considered her as their “adopted daughter”, but I am pretty sure they didn’t know that she was making moves on Mister while he was still married to the girls’ Mom, and trying to use the girls to get closer to Mister.

Or maybe they did know and didn’t care.

I didn’t know she’d been around as long as she was, until a recent conversation with Mister’s ex wife, the girls’ Mom, where she said she’d told horseface to leave her daughters alone because horseface was buying the girls journals and shit and trying to get them to confide in her things they didn’t want to tell their Mom, but she wasn’t communicating with their Mom. I understood what the girls’ Mom meant, and had a problem with, because I had family members that my children would share things with that they didn’t want to talk to me about, but if my children told my family members something that they felt I should know, they would tell me, and I would address it without revealing how I knew about it. That’s not what horseface was doing, she was just trying to get close to the girls, to try to get close to Mister.

And when I made a big deal about her to Mister, and made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with her and I was not okay with her calling and texting him about her problems that I didn’t give a fuck about, she latched on to his brother. She might be brother’s playmate, idk, but she is definitely not his GF.

Can you give her notice and evict her now that mom is gone? Does Mister's dad have any ties with this woman? 

I'm sorry. I will only mention there was a man who wanted IMO only to marry my mom so he could be taken care of by her money when she passed. Luckily we sibs were able to stop that nonsense as we were concerned that her money fully cover her care as she had the long slow version of Alzheimers.

I can see being desparate enough to want to hang onto someone for financial survival. However, if I went that route, I'd doing it by actually being useful. Making dinners, doing laundry, gardening etc. I make great cookies and brownies. 

[daisylu]

Thanks to everyone for the condolences. I got home around 5pm and got great hugs from DH. Just learned that the funeral is already scheduled for Saturday. That means a day of traveling tomorrow, funeral Saturday, and a day of travel on Sunday. Still need to contact my boss about all of this, but I don't have a lot of pending items until late next week so I'm sure I can take a much time as I need. I am in compartmentalization mode right now, and have yet to deal with actual emotions.

I appreciate the love I've gotten from here. Thank you.

[Deleted]

I'm done for today.  Came home from the nice luncheon to hear, yet again, that I'm an effing (*$#@ because a neighbor has problems with the city for his POS house and the junk car sitting in his driveway for months on end.  I DID NOT REPORT HIM, but I should have.  I can't prove a negative, nor would I if I could.  DH agrees we will not let this harassment force us to sell the home we love.  

[Deleted]

May 18, 2023 17:57:21 GMT -5 daisylu said:

Thanks to everyone for the condolences. I got home around 5pm and got great hugs from DH. Just learned that the funeral is already scheduled for Saturday. That means a day of traveling tomorrow, funeral Saturday, and a day of travel on Sunday. Still need to contact my boss about all of this, but I don't have a lot of pending items until late next week so I'm sure I can take a much time as I need. I am in compartmentalization mode right now, and have yet to deal with actual emotions.

I appreciate the love I've gotten from here. Thank you.

[flamingo]

daisylu, I’m so sorry for your loss