what are you doing right now?

[Deleted]

Sleep problems are so challenging and so prevalent.  My poor sleep Wednesday night powerfully reminded me of that.  There's lots of components in the problem too from medications to room temperature to restless noisy partners to poor quality bedding.  

It seems as if almost every medication (both RX and OTC) has a warning that it can cause either restlessness and insomnia, or excessive sleepiness.  For those taking multiple medications, especially from different doctors, interactions can happen too.  

I try to follow the standard recommendations for good sleep hygiene such as going to bed and getting up at the same time daily, avoiding long naps, and keeping the room as dark as possible (fail there b/c DH needs light to get to the bathroom safely).  Investing in a new mattress earlier this year made a world of difference in our sleep quality because we no longer experience painful pressure points waking us up every couple of hours.  I do find that 10-15 minutes of gentle stretching and a 10-minute online meditation for sleep help turn my brain off too. 

[Deleted]

May 12, 2023 15:18:58 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

A sign went up at a Montreal dog park, forbidding dogs to bark or howl. It's really stupid because dogs can't read.

montreal.ctvnews.ca/no-barking-sign-at-montreal-dog-park-unleashes-fury-from-pet-owners-1.6396197

Well, the average chien is brighter than the average humain as proven by this poster. 

ETA:  And isn't the exact purpose of a dog park to allow the canines to act in ways normal to the species like running around smelling stuff, chasing squirrels, interacting with other dogs?  And, yes, barking and howling too.

[giramomma]

Do you have teams or zoom? You could do that call that way, and have it be recorded as well.

And someone beat me to it. Don't romanticize having a partner.

I learned the hard way, that in listening situations where my husband is concerned about how long I will live, he's more focused on his feelings. Which don't get me wrong. I'm glad he cares about whether I live or die.

It also means that he cannot pay attention to conversations, either.  I actually have someone else who is my medical person, if I need it.

Life is not easier with someone else. It is different. Not easier.

I hate to see you struggling so much. I hope you find a path out where you feel empowered to take as much control of the situation as you can. Without judgement/entitlement..just accepting what is right now, is what is. (Your POS car post really bothers me to no end. I'll just leave it at that.)

[weltschmerz]

May 12, 2023 15:27:41 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

May 12, 2023 15:18:58 GMT -5 weltschmerz said:

A sign went up at a Montreal dog park, forbidding dogs to bark or howl. It's really stupid because dogs can't read.

montreal.ctvnews.ca/no-barking-sign-at-montreal-dog-park-unleashes-fury-from-pet-owners-1.6396197

Well, the average chien is brighter than the average humain as proven by this poster. 

ETA:  And isn't the exact purpose of a dog park to allow the canines to act in ways normal to the species like running around smelling stuff, chasing squirrels, interacting with other dogs?  And, yes, barking and howling too.

You would think so.

[wvugurl26]

Also follow up after the call in writing with per our conversation on x date this is my understanding. It definitely helps to have that to refer back to. And if you got something wrong they can correct it.

[Pink Cashmere]

May 12, 2023 15:23:10 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

Sleep problems are so challenging and so prevalent.  My poor sleep Wednesday night powerfully reminded me of that.  There's lots of components in the problem too from medications to room temperature to restless noisy partners to poor quality bedding.  

It seems as if almost every medication (both RX and OTC) has a warning that it can cause either restlessness and insomnia, or excessive sleepiness.  For those taking multiple medications, especially from different doctors, interactions can happen too.  

I try to follow the standard recommendations for good sleep hygiene such as going to bed and getting up at the same time daily, avoiding long naps, and keeping the room as dark as possible (fail there b/c DH needs light to get to the bathroom safely).  Investing in a new mattress earlier this year made a world of difference in our sleep quality because we no longer experience painful pressure points waking us up every couple of hours.  I do find that 10-15 minutes of gentle stretching and a 10-minute online meditation for sleep help turn my brain off too. 

I’ve been dealing with sleep issues for about 20 years now, and it is a special kind of hell. Why can I not do what is normal and necessary, get a good night’s sleep.

I didn’t have a tv in my bedroom for some years, because that’s recommended for good sleep hygiene. I took the full length mirror off the bathroom door in my bedroom, because feng shui said that was bad, because it was right across from my bed. I rarely take naps. My bedroom here is so dark that it’s startling to open the blinds and see the sun shining brightly outside. I don’t like that because my body doesn’t get the cues from sunlight, saying it’s daytime, time to be up and about. If I close the curtains, it’s even worse. My bedroom will be pitch black dark even at noon when the sun is beaming outside.

I think the house was built that way to combat the summer heat, the big pecan tree in the backyard shades our bedroom even more during summer. But that doesn’t really work for me, unfortunately. Our bedroom would be perfect for someone that works nights and needs to sleep during the day, since it’s so dark that you can’t tell whether it’s day or night unless you open the blinds.

As far as your DH needing to be able to see to get to the bathroom during the night, have you tried motion activated night lights? I have one in our bathroom and one in the hall and I love them. I first bought one back when my Mom came to stay with me, for the hallway, so she could see how to get to the bathroom, because the light switch for the hall was at the other end of the hall, last the bathroom.

The ones I have, have a sensor so they don’t come on during the day, only at night when it detects motion. I have to use the bathroom at night, and the one in our bathroom provides enough light as soon as I open the bathroom door. I think it’s better than turning on overhead bright lights in the middle of the night. Maybe putting one in your bedroom and bathroom will give you the darkness you need, and your DH will still have some light when he needs it. I ordered mine from Amazon and IIRC, they cost less than $10 each.

[chiver78]

I'm annoyed, I've tried to sit outside twice now with my laptop, and twice I've had to come back inside due to fat raindrops falling for what turns out to be about 90s. it's quite humid today, like the sky needs to open up and pour like it did yesterday or the day before. at least outside, I'm getting a breeze. inside, not so much.  maybe I'll try a third time, it looks like it is getting sunny again. 

[Pink Cashmere]

May 12, 2023 15:33:04 GMT -5 giramomma said:

Do you have teams or zoom? You could do that call that way, and have it be recorded as well.

And someone beat me to it. Don't romanticize having a partner.

I learned the hard way, that in listening situations where my husband is concerned about how long I will live, he's more focused on his feelings. Which don't get me wrong. I'm glad he cares about whether I live or die.

It also means that he cannot pay attention to conversations, either.  I actually have someone else who is my medical person, if I need it.

Life is not easier with someone else. It is different. Not easier.

I hate to see you struggling so much. I hope you find a path out where you feel empowered to take as much control of the situation as you can. Without judgement/entitlement..just accepting what is right now, is what is. (Your POS car post really bothers me to no end. I'll just leave it at that.)

From my personal experience I don’t necessarily agree with that. My ex husband and I split when my oldest child was about 4yo and I raised my children by myself with little help from him. His parents and his sister, and my family helped me a lot with childcare and getting my children to and from school so I could work. 

When I met Mister, I had been single for almost 20 years, and figured I would be single for the rest of my life, and I was good with that. I liked dating on my own terms and only dealing with men when I felt like it.

Today, living with Mister and having him as a life partner has most definitely made my life easier. When I was single, I had to do or take care of everything, being a homeowner, owning a vehicle, and everything else. Now, there are a lot of things I no longer have to concern myself with, because Mister takes care of a lot of things. And when I tell him something is a problem, he takes care of it, which means I have a lot less stuff to figure out and deal with compared to when I was single and I had to handle everything myself.

As much as it pissed me off because it shouldn’t be that way, having a male life partner made a difference when Mister called the stupid GI doctor’s office on my behalf.

I agree that life with someone else is different, but I also feel that life with someone else can be easier if you are compatible and your strengths and weaknesses compliment each other.

[finnime]

The right partner can certainly make life easier, I agree, for both parties to the relationship. It can be challenging to get there. It's hard to accept and enjoy when your instincts are honed to not trust.

As far as sleep is concerned, I get into my worst sleep jams when I'm entering into a depression or writhing with anxiety. Sleep issues are a problem that contributes to the illness and also a symptom.

My absolure worst episode of sleeplessness occurred when DS was an infant. I had post-partum depression and he would not sleep through the night, instead awakening to nurse. My job then was very demanding. On top of the sleeplessness that comes with being pregnant I was going on a year with only snatches of sleep. I was ready to start baying at the moon and babbling in tongues with no trigger. I took him to the pediatrician who assured me there was no health issue that he needed to not sleep through the night. So I put a towel at the door bottom of his room, put in ear plugs and went to sleep. He awoke and so did I but I didn't get him. I just lay there listening to his cries for an hour. The next night he cried for 20 minutes. Then he didn't wake up at all. Phew.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

I'm not the biggest fan of HR but in the case of trying to apply for FMLA they are the best resource.

Both you and the company can get in trouble if it's not done right. This is one of the few times your interests and HR align.

A SO would not be able to help. You are not in a coma or any situation where you medically cannot advocate for yourself. You just don't want to. HR is only going to talk to you it's a confidential issue.

If the company has an EAP I would take advantage of that too. They can help connect you with resources you may need.

[Pink Cashmere]

May 12, 2023 17:11:24 GMT -5 finnime said:

The right partner can certainly make life easier, I agree, for both parties to the relationship. It can be challenging to get there. It's hard to accept and enjoy when your instincts are honed to not trust.

As far as sleep is concerned, I get into my worst sleep jams when I'm entering into a depression or writhing with anxiety. Sleep issues are a problem that contributes to the illness and also a symptom.

My absolure worst episode of sleeplessness occurred when DS was an infant. I had post-partum depression and he would not sleep through the night, instead awakening to nurse. My job then was very demanding. On top of the sleeplessness that comes with being pregnant I was going on a year with only snatches of sleep. I was ready to start baying at the moon and babbling in tongues with no trigger. I took him to the pediatrician who assured me there was no health issue that he needed to not sleep through the night. So I put a towel at the door bottom of his room, put in ear plugs and went to sleep. He awoke and so did I but I didn't get him. I just lay there listening to his cries for an hour. The next night he cried for 20 minutes. Then he didn't wake up at all. Phew.

Fortunately for me, both times I was pregnant with my children, their Dad, my ex husband, was the breadwinner for our family. I was also fortunate in that I didn’t experience post partum depression. 

I didn’t have sleep issues until I was living alone with my children in the ‘hood. That is when I started sleeping lightly, because living in the ‘hood, I felt like I needed to always be on guard to protect my babies.

The house we lived in at the time (my Grandmother’s rental property) had window units for air conditioners. I still remember the night I woke up because I knew something wasn’t right, which turned out to be that the ac unit in the living room stopped running because of a power outage. When I woke up, I knew exactly why I did, because I could hear that the a/c wasn’t running anymore.

I bought my own house a few years after that, and moved with Mister some years later, into the house we live in now. But I still have issues with sleeping. Idk if the years I lived in the ‘hood set me up to always sleep lightly or not at all, or what, but at this point in my life, I feel like I should be able to let my guards down enough to get some good sleep. Idk why that is not happening for me.

[MarionTh230]

It appears as though my boss doesn't really work on Friday afternoons. I have decided he has a good idea so I don’t either. WFH today and stopped at lunch. Too hot for gardening so I did a quick sewing project. Now cooking dinner. Fried chicken, cheesey potatoes, and marinated tomatoes. Kiddo will probably have leftover pizza. I lived dangerously last night and bought dinner after martial arts class since DH had to work and I wasn't in the mood to cook.

[andi9899]

So I saw this delivery truck one day with the name of a restaurant I'd never heard of before and thought I'd try it soon. I'm also a lazy fatty so I just went on door dash to browse food. They were offering 20% off and have a 4.7 star rating. Guess who just ordered from them. The app says they are 3 miles from.my house. If this works out well, I may have a new favorite spot!

[NancysSummerSip]

Getting a bit of rest after a colonoscopy. Prep isn't what it used to be - no more liquid gut killer prescription; it's all OTC now, plus a low-residue diet for four days.

Got perfect results, not even a tiny polyp. This was the first time I saw pictures of my colon post-procedure. In living color. Dang. They didn't ask me if I wanted to see them, just presented them like they were pictures of a BFF's newborn baby or something.

Body parts are interesting. And I can never unsee my colon.

[TheOtherMe]

May 12, 2023 14:52:59 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

TheOtherMe   I'm sorry Amelia's diagnosis wasn't a quick-fix thing, but an ongoing condition.  Hopefully the vet gave you ideas for management and reducing her discomfort.  Glad you got your chai 

Since it's autoimmune, she said there isn't a lot I can do except bring her to the vet for the two shots when she has a flare.  

She said it's usually not until 9-10 years old that pulling teeth become an issue.  Of course, that doesn't mean it can't happen before.  

I have never had two cats with chronic conditions at the same time.

I have enough experience with UTI's in male cats to know it won't stop at one episode.

[Deleted]

May 12, 2023 18:24:12 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

May 12, 2023 14:52:59 GMT -5 soupandstew said:

TheOtherMe   I'm sorry Amelia's diagnosis wasn't a quick-fix thing, but an ongoing condition.  Hopefully the vet gave you ideas for management and reducing her discomfort.  Glad you got your chai 

Since it's autoimmune, she said there isn't a lot I can do except bring her to the vet for the two shots when she has a flare.  

She said it's usually not until 9-10 years old that pulling teeth become an issue.  Of course, that doesn't mean it can't happen before.  

I have never had two cats with chronic conditions at the same time.

I have enough experience with UTI's in male cats to know it won't stop at one episode.

I hear you on the UTI thing in the males - I done that journey a time or two

[TheOtherMe]

I have had 3 male cats before Maddow. All 3 went down the UTI journey and it never ended well.  I know where this is going eventually.

[cooper88]

There is a rumor it will cool off and rain over the weekend. I will be over the moon if that happens. We haven't had any substantial rain for over a month.

[raeoflyte]

I know I just posted about mother's day ideas, but I'm not feeling any of them. Waited too long for a mani/pedi. This weekend will be too busy. Not really feeling the movies that are out. We could go for a bike ride maybe. I'm sure we'll do a brunch at my house or mom's. Just all seems so blah.

[giramomma]

May 12, 2023 16:53:25 GMT -5 Pink Cashmere said:

I agree that life with someone else is different, but I also feel that life with someone else can be easier if you are compatible and your strengths and weaknesses compliment each other.

I agree, up to a point. Certainly DH and I are compatible and we compliment each other. It is the only reason why we managed to somewhat make it past his issues.

However, I never wanted to deal with DHs issues in the first place, and did not bargain for it. And his issues certainly don't make my life easier.

[daisylu]

Annoying DH. He is in a funk tonight. Sat on his lap, rubbing my head on him like a cat looking for attention. Paybacks.

[andi9899]

May 12, 2023 18:13:58 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

So I saw this delivery truck one day with the name of a restaurant I'd never heard of before and thought I'd try it soon. I'm also a lazy fatty so I just went on door dash to browse food. They were offering 20% off and have a 4.7 star rating. Guess who just ordered from them. The app says they are 3 miles from.my house. If this works out well, I may have a new favorite spot!

The food was really good in case anyone wanted to know.

[jerseygirl]

May 12, 2023 19:19:43 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

May 12, 2023 18:13:58 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

So I saw this delivery truck one day with the name of a restaurant I'd never heard of before and thought I'd try it soon. I'm also a lazy fatty so I just went on door dash to browse food. They were offering 20% off and have a 4.7 star rating. Guess who just ordered from them. The app says they are 3 miles from.my house. If this works out well, I may have a new favorite spot!

The food was really good in case anyone wanted to know.

What did you get?

[finnime]

May 12, 2023 19:01:32 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I know I just posted about mother's day ideas, but I'm not feeling any of them. Waited too long for a mani/pedi. This weekend will be too busy. Not really feeling the movies that are out. We could go for a bike ride maybe. I'm sure we'll do a brunch at my house or mom's. Just all seems so blah.

How about making something? A pie, a painting, a collage, a garden, a hat, a motorized toy vehicle, a robot, taffy? Refinishing a piece of occasional furniture? Something.

[andi9899]

May 12, 2023 19:25:19 GMT -5 jerseygirl said:

May 12, 2023 19:19:43 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

The food was really good in case anyone wanted to know.

What did you get?

I got an order of nachos and an order of flautas. I had the nachos tonight. Tomorrow I'll have the flautas.

[Pink Cashmere]

Mister said  yesterday that his brother said they should go to church this Sunday. I told Mister that if they do go to church this Sunday, I won’t be surprised if their Mom finds a way to smack the shit out of both of them. Because for years before she died, that was part of what she wanted from her sons on Mother’s Day, to go to church with her.

Mister, his Dad and his brother kept messing up Mother’s Day, and not making it a meaningful day where they celebrated her on the one day she felt should be a big deal and all about her. They missed the mark so often and so badly, that  I finally
said I would take over and just tell them what to do and when. But I never got the chance to do that for her, because she died.

I don’t see this upcoming Mother’s Day being easy for  Mister, but I will be here for him, in whatever way I can

[wvugurl26]

I need the time to work on the mess in my house but I'd rather skip this weekend.

It's the second holiday and the first mother's day without my grandma.

I'm sure me not going in is a disappointment to my mom but I can't spend a whole weekend there doing nothing. And that relationship is complicated at best. Things are at a stand still with grandma's house so I can't lose a whole weekend I need to work on my own house by going to see my mom. It's a 10 hour round trip so not a short trip.

I mailed her gift Monday and it's been received. MIL's gifts just need wrapping. DH has to buy the card. For his side we are going out Sunday. I'd rather not but it's not my celebration.

[Deleted]

Just got a call that two neighbors blame me for their problems with the City about their houses and I will "pay" the price.  I haven't carried in years, but I guess I better start again.  I just hope they don't go after DH when he's walking or riding his bike but that's what cowards will usually do, go after the weakest link.  I'm pissed and scared.

[chiver78]

May 12, 2023 19:01:32 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

I know I just posted about mother's day ideas, but I'm not feeling any of them. Waited too long for a mani/pedi. This weekend will be too busy. Not really feeling the movies that are out. We could go for a bike ride maybe. I'm sure we'll do a brunch at my house or mom's. Just all seems so blah.

maybe an unpopular opinion, but why can't you celebrate Mother's Day another day? 🤷‍♀️. you do you on Sunday, and reconvene when it makes more sense for all involved.

[chiver78]

May 12, 2023 19:19:43 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

May 12, 2023 18:13:58 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

So I saw this delivery truck one day with the name of a restaurant I'd never heard of before and thought I'd try it soon. I'm also a lazy fatty so I just went on door dash to browse food. They were offering 20% off and have a 4.7 star rating. Guess who just ordered from them. The app says they are 3 miles from.my house. If this works out well, I may have a new favorite spot!

The food was really good in case anyone wanted to know.

so we are going there when I come visit you? 🤤