discussion on "ghetto" - definition, connotation, usage

[finnime]

Whitey McWhiteperson here, too.

It strikes me that denying that an experience of racism to a POC is about as racist as one can be. Owning up to it, learning and apologizing are essential responses.

[swasat]

I, for one, am very glad this discussion is happening.

I haven't posted here in a while but I read sometimes. And I am squarely on the POC's side. MissRigby was a prolific poster who was well loved here and treated like a grandma. But in this particular scenario she took it way too far. Being an old lady or being used to certain ways gives her no excuse to behave the way she did. And then the burden was put on the offended to "just let it go" or "take the discussion elsewhere". WHY? Why was she not told to stop posting or stop digging in her heels? 

To a Polish person, the word "ghetto" has absolutely horrendous meaning! Should we Americans keep using the word in front of Polish Jews because to us the word "ghetto" is not bad? Why would ANYONE want to be that kind of asshole? Just why? What reason/excuse can one come up with? 

Why classify "ghetto" with Blacks? 

Throwing a tantrum proves no one's innocence. Ever. It just shows how childish you are and how removed from others. And how full of yourself!

#TeamPinkCashmere #TeamAndi #TeamPOC #TeamAntiSlurOfANyKind #TeamNotForgivingOfRacialProfiling

[seriousthistime]

Oct 5, 2021 13:23:54 GMT -5 finnime said:

Whitey McWhiteperson here, too.

It strikes me that denying that an experience of racism to a POC is about as racist as one can be. Owning up to it, learning and apologizing are essential responses.

Absolutely.  And in this case, there was no need to blame laterbloomer for "telling" us we (all of us) should be offended, or that the posts from Pink Cashmere, andi, and any other POC who posted here were attacks against Miss R.  She (Miss R) could have nipped this in the bud.  She did not do that.  She doubled down and went on the attack.  I'll say it again: the appropriate response for Miss R was to say oops, I didn't realize what I said would offend someone, that's on me and I'm sorry.  

We all misstep sometimes.  We don't improve unless we get called out from time to time. 

ETA: I'm borrowing this. #TeamPinkCashmere #TeamAndi #TeamPOC #TeamAntiSlurOfANyKind #TeamNotForgivingOfRacialProfiling

[swamp]

Oct 5, 2021 12:50:37 GMT -5 Opti said:

Oct 5, 2021 12:13:06 GMT -5 swamp said:

Why is your view of this any more value than Pinks?

ETA: I’m white. You’re white. Maybe us Whitey McWhitersons should pipe down and stop telling POC how to interpret certain actions and words?

Why should my opinion have no value simply because I am white? 

You really think we give a rats ass about a white person trying to explain away blatantly racist behavior? Take a seat.

[swamp]

Oct 5, 2021 12:51:34 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

Oct 5, 2021 12:29:04 GMT -5 Opti said:

Sorry its an attempt at shades of gray, which I forget do not work in YM. Of course he used the word ghetto because she was black. 

From your example, he probably wanted her to leave "his" home depot based only on the information he had on her by knowing her for .5 seconds in a parking lot. Outside of her skin color, what info does he have for not wanting her there?

It was because she drives a Honda.

[swasat]

Oct 5, 2021 13:42:20 GMT -5 seriousthistime said:

Oct 5, 2021 13:23:54 GMT -5 finnime said:

Whitey McWhiteperson here, too.

It strikes me that denying that an experience of racism to a POC is about as racist as one can be. Owning up to it, learning and apologizing are essential responses.

Absolutely.  And in this case, there was no need to blame laterbloomer for "telling" us we (all of us) should be offended, or that the posts from Pink Cashmere, andi, and any other POC who posted here were attacks against Miss R.  She (Miss R) could have nipped this in the bud.  She did not do that.  She doubled down and went on the attack.  I'll say it again: the appropriate response for Miss R was to say oops, I didn't realize what I said would offend someone, that's on me and I'm sorry.  

We all misstep sometimes.  We don't improve unless we get called out from time to time. 

ETA: I'm borrowing this. #TeamPinkCashmere #TeamAndi #TeamPOC #TeamAntiSlurOfANyKind #TeamNotForgivingOfRacialProfiling

100%.

MissR did not like being called out on her behavior. So she went on the offensive. "But what about laterbloomer?", "Laterbloomer is riling you all up, don't you see?", "Aren't you all going to point at her too?". 

Does.Not.Matter what laterbloomer said or did not say. Laterbloomer was also not the one throwing multiple temper tantrums and writing blog posts blaming everyone else but them. YOU, MissRigby, said something offensive. Just own up to it instead of deflecting the blame.

[swamp]

Oct 5, 2021 12:59:27 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Oct 5, 2021 12:54:06 GMT -5 Opti said:

I believe her example included she was from TN.

Are you serious right now?

I often refer to Tennessee as the ghetto. Those Great Smoky Mountains, Pidgeon Forge, Dollywood, and The Grand Old Opry are as ghetto as they come.

[swasat]

Oct 5, 2021 13:50:17 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 5, 2021 12:59:27 GMT -5 andi9899 said:

Are you serious right now?

I often refer to Tennessee as the ghetto. Those Great Smoky Mountains, Pidgeon Forge, Dollywood, and The Grand Old Opry are as ghetto as they come.

Next time you come to Tennessee, you are not welcome in my Nashville Hovel  . 

[swamp]

Oct 5, 2021 13:52:20 GMT -5 swasat said:

Oct 5, 2021 13:50:17 GMT -5 swamp said:

I often refer to Tennessee as the ghetto. Those Great Smoky Mountains, Pidgeon Forge, Dollywood, and The Grand Old Opry are as ghetto as they come.

Next time you come to Tennessee, you are not welcome in my Nashville Hovel  . 

I was being sarcastic and facetious to show how inane the other explanations are. No harm intended.

[swasat]

Oh I understood swamp! 

No explanation needed. I took it in the spirit it was posted. 

[justme]

Oct 5, 2021 11:14:12 GMT -5 Opti said:

Oct 3, 2021 17:04:39 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

I shared the story here about 10 years ago, when I was in Mississippi at a Home Depot, to buy a Weedeater. And before I got inside the store, a man in the parking lot said within earshot of my DD that I needed to take my “ghetto ass” back to Tennessee. My car has TN tags, but the stores in MS were closer to my home than the ones in TN.

I had on jeans and a t-shirt because I’d been working in my yard and my Weedeater started leaking gas, so I stopped and went to buy another one so I could finish my yard. And I do have a nose ring, but my jewels are always so small that even my Mom didn’t notice it for some months. I’d just got out of my car, and it does have chrome wheels, but it’s also just a freaking Honda Accord.  All that to say, it’s safe to assume that the only thing about the way I look that could be considered “ghetto”, is my skin color.

So, in America, just like it was explained in the link raeoflyte provided, that word is usually used in reference to Black people, and not in a positive way. When it’s used, it’s understood that it means a certain kind of Black person, or even just a Black person, period.

So, IRT the comment that was made here, it came off as sounding like, if a BLACK person even says something is ghetto, it’s confirmation that it’s REALLY bad. Why? I know about ‘hoods and have lived in them. But we have another poster here that is not Black and talks about living in the ‘hood. I’ve lived my whole life in or near a city that is predominantly Black and not wealthy. That city is the poor, Black sheep (pun intended) of the state. But I can’t think of an area in the city that I would call the ghetto. The “bad” or less wealthy parts of town are the ‘hoods. So, if you ask me, “ghetto” is a description, not a place, not a neighborhood, not a part of town. It’s a label assigned to Black people, as if we all either are that, or know all about it.

But those are just the opinions of Pink Cashmere, not the thoughts of all Black people or every American.

I'd like to offer another way to look at what happened. That person was an asshole. But he may have said "ghetto ass" not because he believed you were ghetto, but because it would make you angry and manipulate you into leaving. His goal was to get you out of his MS Home Depot. 

And probably to never come back. 

... weaponising racism is no different than being racist.

[Deleted]

I really want to be mad at everybody right now and say fuck all of y’all, throw the whole damn message board away. And talk about y’all’s Mommas for good measure. Because this shit made me cry real tears today…..to be honest, I still am…. and that pisses me off even more, because how Imma let some people I don’t even know IRL get me that upset. And I always get even angrier when I cry because I’m angry.

But not only do I know that I would be wrong to lump everybody here in the same category ……. just because I was not raised that way and I don’t want to BE that way…….. I see posts from people that are at least trying to understand my perspective and why I reacted to this big mess the way I did, including my issue with posters ……. what felt like to me……trying to make me accept something I felt was unacceptable and just shut up about it. And the fact that other posters seem to understand or are at least trying to understand, matters to me and helps me combat all the ugly thoughts that have crept into my head over the last few years. Sometimes I feel like I’m going backward, and becoming the same kind of person that I detest as far as racism and prejudices go. The hatred can go both ways, if it’s ok for you to hate me and everybody that looks like me, for no reason, me and mine can give that same hateful energy back to you and yours. But that’s truly not who I want to be, so I have my own work to do now.

I’m not the kind of person that is always looking for a “reason” to be offended. I don’t even do that IRL where I’m more likely to react much worse than I ever have here. I don’t pull punches when I’m confronted with blatant racism IRL, figuratively, and literally if my words don’t convince them to get out of my face and leave me the fuck alone. IRL, I’m to the point now that a racist can get out of my face or get hit in the head with a hammer/stabbed with my keys/whatever. It’s their choice. Because I’m really sick of the bullshit. It has gotten to be too much.

I don’t feel like I was wrong here. And there are posters on these boards that can verify that I own my shit when I’m wrong or unintentionally offensive. Either I took something they said the wrong way and I apologized for misunderstanding and saying whatever I said in response…..  or they let me know they were offended by something I’d said to them, and I explained myself and apologized.

If anything, I feel like I owe moon an apology for being a part of a ruckus here. I’ve always appreciated that she kept this community together for us and I’ve always tried to conduct myself like a guest in her “home”. That’s the real reason I don’t act up here like I would in real life. Well, also because after all these years, I’ve come to consider some of y’all my “friends” and I try to handle disagreements here the way I would with people I like and respect IRL.

Anyway, I’m done rambling now. I have a lot of shit to try to sort out before I can go back to “normal” here, if I can even ever manage to do that. 

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oct 5, 2021 14:28:52 GMT -5 justme said:

Oct 5, 2021 11:14:12 GMT -5 Opti said:

I'd like to offer another way to look at what happened. That person was an asshole. But he may have said "ghetto ass" not because he believed you were ghetto, but because it would make you angry and manipulate you into leaving. His goal was to get you out of his MS Home Depot. 

And probably to never come back. 

... weaponising racism is no different than being racist.

I wish I could remember the term from White Fragility that was used to connate white people automatically rushing to defend/explain other white people.   We claim it's  "seeing both sides" or "being open minded" it's being racist.   

Now you aren't the one calling names but on a certain level you recognize that if you want to stay part of the in crowd you need to laugh along/explain away the situation.  You are aware in the back of your mind that you belong to a culture where white viewpoints are considered the standard and automatically assume it must be correct because that's what we've been told our whole lives.

You're still supporting and perpetuating the system that keeps POC and others quiet.  You can be racist without being "racist".  Which is where we need to get beyond.  Just not saying the "n" word in public isn't enough.

[nidena]

Oct 5, 2021 14:52:12 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Oct 5, 2021 14:28:52 GMT -5 justme said:

... weaponising racism is no different than being racist.

I wish I could remember the term from White Fragility that was used to connate white people automatically rushing to defend/explain other white people.   We claim it's  "seeing both sides" or "being open minded" it's being racist.   

Now you aren't the one calling names but on a certain level you recognize that if you want to stay part of the in crowd you need to laugh along/explain away the situation.  You are aware in the back of your mind that you belong to a culture where white viewpoints are considered the standard and automatically assume it must be correct because that's what we've been told our whole lives.

You're still supporting and perpetuating the system that keeps POC and others quiet.  You can be racist without being "racist".  Which is where we need to get beyond.  Just not saying the "n" word in public isn't enough.

I just finished reading that book.  Are you referring to the term "aversive racism"?  In the book, it's explained as "...aversive racists enact racism in ways that allow them to maintain a positive self-image..."

Or, maybe, "white solidarity"?  "...the unspoken agreement among whites to protect white advantage and not cause another white person to feel racial discomfort..."

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Oct 5, 2021 15:06:00 GMT -5 nidena said:

Oct 5, 2021 14:52:12 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

I wish I could remember the term from White Fragility that was used to connate white people automatically rushing to defend/explain other white people.   We claim it's  "seeing both sides" or "being open minded" it's being racist.   

Now you aren't the one calling names but on a certain level you recognize that if you want to stay part of the in crowd you need to laugh along/explain away the situation.  You are aware in the back of your mind that you belong to a culture where white viewpoints are considered the standard and automatically assume it must be correct because that's what we've been told our whole lives.

You're still supporting and perpetuating the system that keeps POC and others quiet.  You can be racist without being "racist".  Which is where we need to get beyond.  Just not saying the "n" word in public isn't enough.

I just finished reading that book.  Are you referring to the term "aversive racism"?  In the book, it's explained as "...aversive racists enact racism in ways that allow them to maintain a positive self-image..."

Or, maybe, "white solidarity"?  "...the unspoken agreement among whites to protect white advantage and not cause another white person to feel racial discomfort..."

Not sure but both fit this thread.

[Deleted]

I just got back from running to a nearby gas station to get something. The lady that was there, has chatted with me before about natural hair, and after breaking the ice, she started greeting me with “hello lovely”! Today she shared that she got braids put in her hair because she’s been working out lately and has lost 20lbs so far. I said “that’s awesome”! And I told her that the next time I see her, I was gonna ask if she was still on track and she said, please do. And I said even if you do get off track, it’s okay, you can always try to straighten back up, and if need be, I’ll remind you of that. It was all love.

Another (white) lady that works at the same place started chit chatting with me after she carded my old ass and saw we have the same birthdate. She started telling me a bit about herself and some of the trials and tribulations she’s been through. At the same time, she was also chit chatting with Mister, not knowing that he was my SO, but she chatted with him because they are fans of the same football team.

Sometime last year, Mister took it upon himself to buy her a NFL ball cap, since the ones he wears are what started the chatting between him and her. He kept it in his car so he would have it whenever he saw her again. I had no problem with it. Idk if he said something or what, but somehow she learned that we were a couple and she told me how nice that was of him. Another day, she said that she felt like I was a blessing to her, because she always felt better after chatting with me.

THAT is the kind of positive energy I’d like to spread to the people I interact with. I don’t care if it’s somebody Black like me, like the woman I first mentioned, or somebody White, like the lady Mister gave the cap to. Or hell, even the Indian couple that seem to run the store and work there in the mornings and early afternoon. When she went missing for months last year, when I finally saw her again, I told her I was happy to see her and I’d been wondering if she was ok. She told me she’d gone home to visit her FOO in India (which is not an assumption on my part because she said that’s where she was) and got “stuck” there because of the pandemic. As much as she loves her parents and the rest of her family, she was upset about not being able to get back here, to her husband and children.

To me, they are all people. Their lives and cultures or backgrounds may not be like mine, but I treat them all with kindness and respect. And that’s really all I want people to do for me and mine. Every last one of the people working in that store, if I was that kind of person, I could judge them and make assumptions about them, based on how they look, and I won’t get into what it is about their appearances that makes me say that. But I don’t judge any of them because of how they “look”. I choose to see them as individuals and be kind until/unless they give me a reason not to. 

The Africans that ran one of the corner stores near my other house, I was always nice to them because I never had reason not to be, and they responded in kind. Even going so far as to be protective of me when some random man tried to harass me and offering to make contact with the people that ran a store near DD’s college so she could get whatever she needed there, and I could pay for it here. To this day, when DD goes in there with my DGS, they literally give him stuff for free. The corner store across the street, is run by people who appear to be Middle Eastern, I’m not sure of the ethnicity and I admit that ignorance. But again, they are always kind to me, and tell DD when she goes in there, to tell me hello.

One of them in particular, is a young, very handsome man. One time, before I moved, DD was in there and mentioned that I wasn’t feeling well. He gave her all kinds of stuff to bring to me, to try to help me feel better. I’ve seen him get really angry with an unruly customer, and honestly he kind of looked like an angry devil. But when she finally left and I stepped to the counter, his whole demeanor instantly changed, so much so that it was kind of scary to me. It actually made me think that he was probably kind of crazy. A very pretty young man, but a potentially crazy one, in my mind. And he use to tell DD to tell me that he loves me lol.

So my point is that I regularly come into contact with people that are very different from me, and I don’t hesitate to treat them with dignity and respect. It has become a real pain in my ass that some people are not willing to give me the same. That’s been what it was my whole life, but now I’m absolutely fed up with it.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Oct 5, 2021 8:43:45 GMT -5 nidena said:

What I've found is that when someone lives in a U.S. town or city that is predominantly white, ghetto indicates the poor part(s) of town.  When there is a higher diversity mix, ghetto indicates the non-white part of town which is almost always synonymous with poor due to gerrymandering, redlining, etc.

I see it often on Next Door.  Someone will post about shots being fired in certain neighborhoods and then there's comments about rif raf and ghetto and "keep those people out of here" which is all code for Black, brown, not white.

There was a statement about Karen's and "Ok, Boomer" and ghetto just being descriptions.  They absolutely are and most have very distinct images that come up when you hear or read the word/phrase.  There might be one-offs but the connotations are pretty consistent.  The irony is that white women get all offended and up in arms when they're called Karen as an insult and akin it to being called n***** with no regard to how much history goes into the n-word vs "Karen".

MissR was very much a Karen in her behavior of defending her behavior and then storming off.  And to address her "racist" coworkers...yeah, I'm gonna argue important semantics here because oppressed and marginalized folx can't be racist.  They can be prejudice but they don't have the power structure behind them to be racist.  Much like women can't be sexist.  And physically challenged people can't be ablist.

That's not to say they can't uphold the power structure of those things.  They just can't be -ist themselves.

I don't say ghetto.  I also don't say gypped, jerry-rigged, or jewed-down.  I've even recently stopped referring to my primary bedroom as the master bedroom.

Words matter and can convey deep meaning, implication, and history.

In the meantime, I'm going to go look up the history of those other words mentioned in MissR's post to see why they might have been specifically picked.

I thought it was jury rigged? Like a rigged jury?

Jerry??

[Tiny]

I believe it's jury rigged and was a the nautical version of kludge?
Jury rigged doesn't have anything to do with a trial or law - I think Kangaroo Court better describes a rigged jury.

I think it just has an unfortunate sound "jury" and "jerry" that gets it in trouble. I don't think it had anything to do with Germany or Germans.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2021 19:10:46 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I believe it's jury rigged and was a the nautical version of kludge?
Jury rigged doesn't have anything to do with a trial or law - I think Kangaroo Court better describes a rigged jury.

I think it just has an unfortunate sound "jury" and "jerry" that gets it in trouble. I don't think it had anything to do with Germany or Germans.

Well, where I live, it’s n$@@#- rigged. No lie.

[Tiny]

I'm in Pink Cashmere's corner on this one. I don't think Pink (or anyone else who felt it was in poor taste*) were wrong to be offended.


If someone said this:
"That sure was a dumb thing that person did! My BFF said it was dumb, too... and she's Blonde so that thing must be REALLY dumb. "

I'm hoping the Dumb Blonde thing isn't so embedded that it's normalized and is totally ok to joke about. I can imagine this being said on a SitCom trigging the laugh track (cause you know we need to be reminded it's funny and a joke).

I'm not Blonde - but since no one makes fun of blonde men - I feel like it's an indirect jab at ALL women (not just blonde ones).


I wouldn't laugh it off - even if it was said in joking "clever" way or if the person saying it just had a brain fart and didn't really mean anything by it when it got past their mental "censor" and came out of their mouth as it seemed like a 'clever' thing to say -- because there's that underlying "Dumb Blonde" that's embedded in most peoples' brains. Sometimes stuff truly does get past the "censor" in our head and what we say falls flat and is awkward. And when it happens - an acknowledgement and apology is usually in order and it's done.

I think that's why there is the phrase "to put one's foot in one's mouth".

I do think it's OK to say something about these kinds of things. The best way to keep people who do want to not be racist from "putting their foot in their mouth" is to say something. It helps the brain's censor to take more notice and remember when things DON"T or SHOULDN"T go together and maybe it won't happen in the future.

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2021 19:21:04 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Oct 5, 2021 19:10:46 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I believe it's jury rigged and was a the nautical version of kludge?
Jury rigged doesn't have anything to do with a trial or law - I think Kangaroo Court better describes a rigged jury.

I think it just has an unfortunate sound "jury" and "jerry" that gets it in trouble. I don't think it had anything to do with Germany or Germans.

Well, where I live, it’s n$@@#- rigged. No lie.

And just having typed that makes me think about how much shit I’ve been resigned to accept rather than constantly fight over shit.

I’m not sure what exactly “jerry rigged” means, but the term I shared refers to making some shit work (a car, machine, whatever) without actually fixing the real problem. 

[swamp]

Oct 5, 2021 19:21:04 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Oct 5, 2021 19:10:46 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I believe it's jury rigged and was a the nautical version of kludge?
Jury rigged doesn't have anything to do with a trial or law - I think Kangaroo Court better describes a rigged jury.

I think it just has an unfortunate sound "jury" and "jerry" that gets it in trouble. I don't think it had anything to do with Germany or Germans.

Well, where I live, it’s n$@@#- rigged. No lie.

Me too, but I wasn’t going to mention it lol.   

[Deleted]

Oct 5, 2021 19:39:14 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 5, 2021 19:21:04 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Well, where I live, it’s n$@@#- rigged. No lie.

Me too, but I wasn’t going to mention it lol.   

Whew! At least somebody knows that I didn’t make that up.

[ners]

Oct 5, 2021 19:39:14 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 5, 2021 19:21:04 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Well, where I live, it’s n$@@#- rigged. No lie.

Me too, but I wasn’t going to mention it lol.   

[Tiny]

Oct 5, 2021 19:21:04 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Oct 5, 2021 19:10:46 GMT -5 Tiny said:

I believe it's jury rigged and was a the nautical version of kludge?
Jury rigged doesn't have anything to do with a trial or law - I think Kangaroo Court better describes a rigged jury.

I think it just has an unfortunate sound "jury" and "jerry" that gets it in trouble. I don't think it had anything to do with Germany or Germans.

Well, where I live, it’s n$@@#- rigged. No lie.

I believe you.  

[nidena]

I heard both terms growing up: n***- and jerry-- so I don't say either.  I never *said* the first one but I hear it in my head when I've said the second one in the past so I don't say either.

Instead, I say "I don't like bandaid fixes."

[minnesotapaintlady]

Oct 5, 2021 19:39:14 GMT -5 swamp said:

Oct 5, 2021 19:21:04 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Well, where I live, it’s n$@@#- rigged. No lie.

Me too, but I wasn’t going to mention it lol.   

Same here.  I was thinking.  "nope.  Inappropriate time to mention that"

[raeoflyte]

I have never heard that term. My parents tolerated a lot of crap from certain family members, but refused to let them use that term or any overt racist talk in front of us.

I also thought it was jury-rigged, but never gave it much thought. Most of my life is some kind of "good enough" fix.

[laterbloomer]

Not a term I'm familiar with in any of it's incarnations so I googled it and what I found said jerry rigged and it historically was a diss on Germans. Which surprises me because Germany has a reputation for good engineering.

[Rukh O'Rorke]

Oct 5, 2021 10:53:56 GMT -5 Opti said:

Oct 5, 2021 9:05:55 GMT -5 @pinkcshmere said:

Well, I’ve slept on it and it still bothers me. Later’s first couple of posts weren’t ugly. “Please tell me you didn’t mean that the way it sounds” is not ugly. Then Later said she accepts that Miss R probably didn’t mean to be offensive, then she explained what it sounded like she was saying. That wasn’t ugly either.

In MY first post, I said myself being gentle and saying that most of us have probably said something that was unintentionally offensive to someone. I even brought up that I’d done it here recently, but when that person received it in a way I did not mean, I explained what I meant. Another poster said they would’ve taken it the same way, and I said I understand how it could come across in a bad way, and I would be more mindful of the things I say and how they could come across in the written word. That poster was still upset with me, so I directly apologized.

I was giving MissR a roadmap of what I believed was an acceptable way to handle a situation when you unintentionally offend someone you like. When I intentionally offend somebody, I don’t explain shit and I do not apologize.

I didn’t say anything directly to MissR until she she said she was done and unbothered. So again, I tried to be graceful and respectfully say that if she refused to even consider that maybe she did say something wrong, we could just part ways, and I still wish her well. Trying to just end it right there, since neither of us was willing to back down.

To ME, that was not me ranting, which she later accused me of. It was my opinion that it was HER that was ranting and raving.

The next day, I was done with it, wasn’t going to say anything else about it. But then came another rant and people were trying to shut it down because THEY didn’t want to be bothered with reading the comments, and I got really aggravated. With MissR and some of the other posters. As if I was the one that inserted something ugly into the thread.

So, I tried to “play nice” when I first addressed it. I’m not sure what people expected me to do, other than shut the fuck up and accept that MissR can say whatever the hell she wants and have a bunch of temper tantrums in response to what started off as me and other posters gently telling her that what she’d said didn’t sound quite right. That doesn’t sit well with me at all. And now I’m looking at people sideways, and thinking they can kiss a funky bear’s big ass. 

The people that spoke up, probably do the same IRL. The people that shared how it felt to them when they were called out or corrected IRL are obviously willing to entertain the thought that they make mistakes sometimes. But a bunch of y’all are welcome to that funky bear’s big ass.

Now keep that same energy y’all had yesterday, when it didn’t matter if somebody says some crazy shit.

I'm going to address the bolded in two parts. Now to some of you Later's explanation wasn't ugly. To me it was horrific actually. What the heck, people actually think that, and even worse are going to assume I do? I don't assume because you are black you know what a ghetto is. I don't assume because you are black you'd be comfortable living there. I know I personally do not do well when posters are attacking me saying I said something I didn't. Its a little easier if someone points out people are going to take what I said and intended totally differently, but it still is an attack on me for what it means to someone else instead of what I actually meant. 

One of the reason I think YM is crueler than PM, is people can't seem to let things go when going on and on will not solve or change anything. As posters we are allowed to say what we want as long as its within the code of conduct. On the politics board I and others had to live with Paul (SCP) posting multiple times that all liberals should be dead. That he wanted to kill us. Not acceptable, but the posts were allowed to stay, based on COC interpretations. Did that mean what he said was OK? No. It did not. Just because Miss R posted what she did, doesn't make it OK. However, once people post its not OK and she's not going to change it or apologize, it's a dead horse issue. There is no value of continuing. When Paul returned(s), it has never made those posts OK. Not sure if any conservative called him out on it, most did not engage at all even though the idea that roughly half the board should be murdered over their political beliefs is pretty over the top and much worse than what Miss R has posted. So if and when Miss R returns, it will not mean what she said was OK. It will just mean she is back with whatever attitudes she holds. 

Pink, I like you and I wish you could reframe how you see this. We are live people and IMO no one on this board should be entitled to posters responding or not responding. Why in the heck do you keep posting it did not matter if someone said crazy shit?

this is just so shocking unaware.