Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Dec 31, 2020 11:01:57 GMT -5
What planner did you get? I'm on my second Full Focus one.
The only behaviors I currently wish to completely alter as a NY resolution is my potty mouth. From Thanksgiving 2019 - April 2020, I'd lost 25 pounds, but in the last few months I've put ten of it back on. I need to lose that ten--preferably by the end of February--and keep it off through the year.
DH and I can never agree on financial goals, so that's frustrating.
Do you do your bullet journal in this? It's very nice. I started using separate books in August. Part of "official" bullet journal practices includes writing out all the things by hand. When I added the college classes to my schedule, it became a bit much for me to set aside enough time to write out each day. So, I use the daily planner to have my tasks specific to that day and the notes that I take throughout the day. then, I have the journal for project planning and the big list making. The daily planner lasts three months, and generally the projects last longer than that. I'm starting my second daily planner this way. I'm not sure it's completely necessary to have two books. There are blank pages in the back of the daily planner that I could use. Anyway, I've gotten rambly...
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Dec 31, 2020 11:03:05 GMT -5
I’ve been able to eat whatever, whenever, with little to no exercise, and still be slim my whole adult life and this is like a whole new world for me.
Pink ...... age does funny things to the body, and so does disease. It's the price of still being alive. All of my life I've been overweight .... until DH#2 had his heart attack and my cancer in 2012. Ages 74 and 71 respectively. We went low sodium immediately and over several months DH lost 60 lbs and I lost 50. With the chemo and radiation I lost another 20 that has found me again.
While our weight is staying stable now, our body shapes have changed. We have skinny legs and chunky bodies that shift around.
At my age, I've learned to live with it. Don't have any other choice.
I lost my first DH when he was 59 due to sudden heart attack, didn't want to lose DH#2 so changed our eating habits.
So I need to do some soul searching and figure out what will make me happy.
I lasted 3 months in retirement before going crazy ... but I didn't have any kids at home. Now you can look at your interests and find some volunteer position that would love to have your abilities.
My NYs resolution? Gave that up years ago.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Dec 31, 2020 11:08:11 GMT -5
For 2021, I want to find purpose. My goal was to retire before 50 and I accomplished that goal. Now I realize I’m floundering. My Type A personality isn’t a good fit for being home. And with Covid, I rarely leave the house. I understand that it’s a first world problem, but for me it’s a real one. My issue will always be that I either stay home or I have to make enough to justify working. I have to pay someone to take care of my daughter if I’m not here. So taking a job for $20/hr just to get out of the house, isn’t an option for me. So I need to do some soul searching and figure out what will make me happy. I’m not driven by money (we have enough), but I want to feel like I’m contributing and making a difference. I am to my daughter and maybe that should be enough, but it’s not. Is she able to go with you to places? Can the two of you volunteer somewhere?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2020 11:12:47 GMT -5
For 2021, I want to find purpose. My goal was to retire before 50 and I accomplished that goal. Now I realize I’m floundering. My Type A personality isn’t a good fit for being home. And with Covid, I rarely leave the house. I understand that it’s a first world problem, but for me it’s a real one. My issue will always be that I either stay home or I have to make enough to justify working. I have to pay someone to take care of my daughter if I’m not here. So taking a job for $20/hr just to get out of the house, isn’t an option for me. So I need to do some soul searching and figure out what will make me happy. I’m not driven by money (we have enough), but I want to feel like I’m contributing and making a difference. I am to my daughter and maybe that should be enough, but it’s not. There are more volunteer opportunities than ever that don't require in-person work or meetings. My list won't reflect your interests and passions, but I maintain the church web site and the Toastmasters Club web site (and we have weekly Zoom meetings), I have a ton of other church activities, I'm attending seminary classes on-line (used to have an in-person classroom weekend, now Zoom) and I'm on the HOA Board. The only volunteer activity I really have to do in-person is donate blood! I hope you can find some ways to help others with your time and skills that resonate with you.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 31, 2020 12:11:10 GMT -5
For 2021, I want to find purpose. My goal was to retire before 50 and I accomplished that goal. Now I realize I’m floundering. My Type A personality isn’t a good fit for being home. And with Covid, I rarely leave the house. I understand that it’s a first world problem, but for me it’s a real one. My issue will always be that I either stay home or I have to make enough to justify working. I have to pay someone to take care of my daughter if I’m not here. So taking a job for $20/hr just to get out of the house, isn’t an option for me. So I need to do some soul searching and figure out what will make me happy. I’m not driven by money (we have enough), but I want to feel like I’m contributing and making a difference. I am to my daughter and maybe that should be enough, but it’s not. I was talking to a woman who was about to retire in her 70's. She said that she has worked forever, and didn't have any real hobbies or passions. Also, her husband had suffered a head injury, implied - it made him difficult. I asked her if there were counselors, services or groups that helped people transition from working to retired, and helped them find a purpose. She said she would look into it, and we never spoke again. But I think about that all the time. I need to know who the best transition resources are. I have no clue what I will do with my time. I think I have watched most all of tik tok, and read the whole internet and watched Netflix clear through the end. There must be something else. I may start looking now, as I can see an empty nest in my future.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 31, 2020 12:12:10 GMT -5
For 2021, I want to find purpose. My goal was to retire before 50 and I accomplished that goal. Now I realize I’m floundering. My Type A personality isn’t a good fit for being home. And with Covid, I rarely leave the house. I understand that it’s a first world problem, but for me it’s a real one. My issue will always be that I either stay home or I have to make enough to justify working. I have to pay someone to take care of my daughter if I’m not here. So taking a job for $20/hr just to get out of the house, isn’t an option for me. So I need to do some soul searching and figure out what will make me happy. I’m not driven by money (we have enough), but I want to feel like I’m contributing and making a difference. I am to my daughter and maybe that should be enough, but it’s not. Funny you mention that, because the local to me disability network is hiring a Finance Director for $18-21/hour. 🤣 I told my DH, that's halfway volunteering for that kind of position. Anyway, I was going to suggest volunteering somewhere meaningful to you.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 31, 2020 12:22:42 GMT -5
For 2021, I want to find purpose. My goal was to retire before 50 and I accomplished that goal. Now I realize I’m floundering. My Type A personality isn’t a good fit for being home. And with Covid, I rarely leave the house. I understand that it’s a first world problem, but for me it’s a real one. My issue will always be that I either stay home or I have to make enough to justify working. I have to pay someone to take care of my daughter if I’m not here. So taking a job for $20/hr just to get out of the house, isn’t an option for me. So I need to do some soul searching and figure out what will make me happy. I’m not driven by money (we have enough), but I want to feel like I’m contributing and making a difference. I am to my daughter and maybe that should be enough, but it’s not. I was talking to a woman who was about to retire in her 70's. She said that she has worked forever, and didn't have any real hobbies or passions. Also, her husband had suffered a head injury, implied - it made him difficult. I asked her if there were counselors, services or groups that helped people transition from working to retired, and helped them find a purpose. She said she would look into it, and we never spoke again. But I think about that all the time. I need to know who the best transition resources are. I have no clue what I will do with my time. I think I have watched most all of tik tok, and read the whole internet and watched Netflix clear through the end. There must be something else. I may start looking now, as I can see an empty nest in my future. Once things normalize, I would start start taking random courses through your community college or school/rec department: They offer everything from upholstery to planning a container garden to finances to using a camera on your cell phone. Classes are seriously cheap...and you just never now what might flip your lid.
I'm "lucky." I have a purpose beyond work and my nuclear family. I have a ton of hobbies (too many, actually). What I won't have is life that's long enough.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 31, 2020 12:25:25 GMT -5
For 2021, I want to find purpose. My goal was to retire before 50 and I accomplished that goal. Now I realize I’m floundering. My Type A personality isn’t a good fit for being home. And with Covid, I rarely leave the house. I understand that it’s a first world problem, but for me it’s a real one. My issue will always be that I either stay home or I have to make enough to justify working. I have to pay someone to take care of my daughter if I’m not here. So taking a job for $20/hr just to get out of the house, isn’t an option for me. So I need to do some soul searching and figure out what will make me happy. I’m not driven by money (we have enough), but I want to feel like I’m contributing and making a difference. I am to my daughter and maybe that should be enough, but it’s not. Funny you mention that, because the local to me disability network is hiring a Finance Director for $18-21/hour. 🤣 I told my DH, that's halfway volunteering for that kind of position. Anyway, I was going to suggest volunteering somewhere meaningful to you. Lol! In all honesty, I’ve considered a not-for-profit. The money is shit but I would only work for an agency that is near to my heart. My way of giving back. But I don’t think I would clear enough to even pay for care!
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Dec 31, 2020 12:31:56 GMT -5
I know everyone is all like "Money to charities." But, places still need help, in person.. People are still needed to portion out 50lbs bags of beans for distribution in food boxes.
When the numbers were lower, DD1 and I put in some time at a food bank making 10 and 25 lb food boxes. I actually find that work to be very satisfying. Our numbers are getting very low again..and we never saw a Thanksgiving bump. So, we'll be back when scheduling permits. In the spring time there's lots of need for help to clean up natural areas as well. We also have food gardens that only serve food banks in town. Again, when DD1 and I worked at a food garden, it was masked, outdoors, and we were 15-20 yards away from anyone else.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 31, 2020 12:33:56 GMT -5
For 2021, I want to find purpose. My goal was to retire before 50 and I accomplished that goal. Now I realize I’m floundering. My Type A personality isn’t a good fit for being home. And with Covid, I rarely leave the house. I understand that it’s a first world problem, but for me it’s a real one. My issue will always be that I either stay home or I have to make enough to justify working. I have to pay someone to take care of my daughter if I’m not here. So taking a job for $20/hr just to get out of the house, isn’t an option for me. So I need to do some soul searching and figure out what will make me happy. I’m not driven by money (we have enough), but I want to feel like I’m contributing and making a difference. I am to my daughter and maybe that should be enough, but it’s not. Is she able to go with you to places? Can the two of you volunteer somewhere?Probably at some point we could. This is going to sound bad, but I want something outside of being a mom. I used to be a highly regarded professional, and now I cook and clean (I won’t allow a cleaning person into the house with Covid). A big part of this is Covid. Covid is the reason I rushed my retirement. But Covid is also the reason we can’t do anything. And I’m in the northeast so it’s cold and miserable. I would be loving it if it was summer.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 31, 2020 12:53:18 GMT -5
Funny you mention that, because the local to me disability network is hiring a Finance Director for $18-21/hour. 🤣 I told my DH, that's halfway volunteering for that kind of position. Anyway, I was going to suggest volunteering somewhere meaningful to you. Lol! In all honesty, I’ve considered a not-for-profit. The money is shit but I would only work for an agency that is near to my heart. My way of giving back. But I don’t think I would clear enough to even pay for care! A lot more places are allowing remote work. Mine is, and I never was allowed to before. I haven't paid for care since March.
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Dec 31, 2020 12:54:22 GMT -5
I was talking to a woman who was about to retire in her 70's. She said that she has worked forever, and didn't have any real hobbies or passions. Also, her husband had suffered a head injury, implied - it made him difficult. I asked her if there were counselors, services or groups that helped people transition from working to retired, and helped them find a purpose. She said she would look into it, and we never spoke again. But I think about that all the time. I need to know who the best transition resources are. I have no clue what I will do with my time. I think I have watched most all of tik tok, and read the whole internet and watched Netflix clear through the end. There must be something else. I may start looking now, as I can see an empty nest in my future. Once things normalize, I would start start taking random courses through your community college or school/rec department: They offer everything from upholstery to planning a container garden to finances to using a camera on your cell phone. Classes are seriously cheap...and you just never now what might flip your lid.
I'm "lucky." I have a purpose beyond work and my nuclear family. I have a ton of hobbies (too many, actually). What I won't have is life that's long enough.
Ugh. I hate school. When I got my masters, I swore I would never force myself to take another class. I would have to want to learn about it. But, I haven't really found anything I want to learn about, so taking a bunch of classes that I am not interested in would be torture. I also think there are better introductions to a hobby than a semester long course. The internet is a wealth of knowledge, and can be taken on your own schedule. There are some awesome online classes that are taught by people of higher level skill than the adjunct at the local CC.
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souldoubt
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Post by souldoubt on Dec 31, 2020 13:01:38 GMT -5
Is she able to go with you to places? Can the two of you volunteer somewhere? Probably at some point we could. This is going to sound bad, but I want something outside of being a mom. I used to be a highly regarded professional, and now I cook and clean (I won’t allow a cleaning person into the house with Covid). I don't think that sounds bad at all. Some people once they have kids that's what defines them and that's what they've always wanted while for others they still want their own identity outside of being a parent. What works for each person or family is different and there's no right or wrong answer. My goal is to raise kids who eventually become stable adults who have their own identity and choose their own paths. That doesn't mean I don't want to be involved in their lives when they're adults rather I don't want them feeling like they have to worry about me and how I'll react when they make decisions about their lives. Perhaps they have an opportunity for a job or experience that takes them out of the state or country and I don't want them passing on it if me not wanting them to move away is the reason why.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 31, 2020 13:19:45 GMT -5
Lol! In all honesty, I’ve considered a not-for-profit. The money is shit but I would only work for an agency that is near to my heart. My way of giving back. But I don’t think I would clear enough to even pay for care! A lot more places are allowing remote work. Mine is, and I never was allowed to before. I haven't paid for care since March. Everything I’ve found so far says “temporary remote work”. I guess I’m not sure if it is the lack of working that I bringing me down, or the fact that I never leave the house. One I could fix by working from home and one I can’t. I miss having my office as a home away from home. I miss meetings and interacting with colleagues. But that might just be because I’m bored to tears being home I’m just rambling at this point. Because I retired during a pandemic, I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is what we are all feeling or if it’s because I lost my purpose. Or maybe a little of both?
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 31, 2020 13:24:12 GMT -5
Probably at some point we could. This is going to sound bad, but I want something outside of being a mom. I used to be a highly regarded professional, and now I cook and clean (I won’t allow a cleaning person into the house with Covid). I don't think that sounds bad at all. Some people once they have kids that's what defines them and that's what they've always wanted while for others they still want their own identity outside of being a parent. What works for each person or family is different and there's no right or wrong answer. My goal is to raise kids who eventually become stable adults who have their own identity and choose their own paths. That doesn't mean I don't want to be involved in their lives when they're adults rather I don't want them feeling like they have to worry about me and how I'll react when they make decisions about their lives. Perhaps they have an opportunity for a job or experience that takes them out of the state or country and I don't want them passing on it if me not wanting them to move away is the reason why. That is probably another part of my funk. My oldest just launched two months ago. I’m super proud of her but also miss having her at home. My job was to launch her and I did. But a part of me is struggling with my new role in her life. For the last 11 years, I’ve worked and travelled for work way too much. I finally have all the time in the world to spend with her and it’s too late. She is an adult with her own life.
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Lizard Queen
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Post by Lizard Queen on Dec 31, 2020 13:50:36 GMT -5
A lot more places are allowing remote work. Mine is, and I never was allowed to before. I haven't paid for care since March. Everything I’ve found so far says “temporary remote work”. I guess I’m not sure if it is the lack of working that I bringing me down, or the fact that I never leave the house. One I could fix by working from home and one I can’t. I miss having my office as a home away from home. I miss meetings and interacting with colleagues. But that might just be because I’m bored to tears being home I’m just rambling at this point. Because I retired during a pandemic, I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is what we are all feeling or if it’s because I lost my purpose. Or maybe a little of both? It's probably both. I've read accounts of people struggling with losing their routines after FIREing, and I do like WFH, but really miss getting out of the house, too.
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Dec 31, 2020 14:50:19 GMT -5
I don't think that sounds bad at all. Some people once they have kids that's what defines them and that's what they've always wanted while for others they still want their own identity outside of being a parent. What works for each person or family is different and there's no right or wrong answer. My goal is to raise kids who eventually become stable adults who have their own identity and choose their own paths. That doesn't mean I don't want to be involved in their lives when they're adults rather I don't want them feeling like they have to worry about me and how I'll react when they make decisions about their lives. Perhaps they have an opportunity for a job or experience that takes them out of the state or country and I don't want them passing on it if me not wanting them to move away is the reason why. That is probably another part of my funk. My oldest just launched two months ago. I’m super proud of her but also miss having her at home. My job was to launch her and I did. But a part of me is struggling with my new role in her life. For the last 11 years, I’ve worked and travelled for work way too much. I finally have all the time in the world to spend with her and it’s too late. She is an adult with her own life. this is a tough thing to deal with. did she move far?
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Rukh O'Rorke
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Post by Rukh O'Rorke on Dec 31, 2020 14:52:43 GMT -5
Everything I’ve found so far says “temporary remote work”. I guess I’m not sure if it is the lack of working that I bringing me down, or the fact that I never leave the house. One I could fix by working from home and one I can’t. I miss having my office as a home away from home. I miss meetings and interacting with colleagues. But that might just be because I’m bored to tears being home I’m just rambling at this point. Because I retired during a pandemic, I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is what we are all feeling or if it’s because I lost my purpose. Or maybe a little of both? It's probably both. I've read accounts of people struggling with losing their routines after FIREing, and I do like WFH, but really miss getting out of the house, too. In some ways, WFH can be a lot worse...sometimes I find I roll out of bed start on the email and then I look up and it's dark outside. I try for a midday walk, but sometimes, the day flies by. I've been off for 2 weeks, I'm not sure how I feel about going back....
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Dec 31, 2020 15:07:01 GMT -5
That is probably another part of my funk. My oldest just launched two months ago. I’m super proud of her but also miss having her at home. My job was to launch her and I did. But a part of me is struggling with my new role in her life. For the last 11 years, I’ve worked and travelled for work way too much. I finally have all the time in the world to spend with her and it’s too late. She is an adult with her own life. this is a tough thing to deal with. did she move far? No. She is 7 minutes away. Lol. But she works full time and carries a full time school schedule. So I definitely don’t see her all that much.
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sesfw
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Post by sesfw on Dec 31, 2020 17:10:53 GMT -5
For the last 11 years, I’ve worked and travelled for work way too much. I finally have all the time in the world to spend with her and it’s too late. She is an adult with her own life.
Unfortunately this happens way too often. DH did that in his career and when he retired, he expected his sons to start hanging around. He left his DW to raise the boys and when she passed, their involvement with dad lessened a lot. Sad thing is ........... he doesn't realize what happened.
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giramomma
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Post by giramomma on Jan 1, 2021 0:53:19 GMT -5
Time or money. You don't get both.
We prioritize time over money. It has it's drawbacks, too.
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NoNamePerson
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 1, 2021 7:37:40 GMT -5
Miss TequilaNo it isn't. You raised her to leave the nest and for what it's worth I think my son and I became closer when he left the nest and matured into adulthood. I know it's still fresh with her "gone" but step back and know your relationship just shifts a bit as it should!! Yep, I know I sound like a know it all but I've read your posts over time and think you both will be OK!! The gospel according to NNP
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2021 11:20:51 GMT -5
Miss Tequila No it isn't. You raised her to leave the nest and for what it's worth I think my son and I became closer when he left the nest and matured into adulthood. I know it's still fresh with her "gone" but step back and know your relationship just shifts a bit as it should!! Yep, I know I sound like a know it all but I've read your posts over time and think you both will be OK!! The gospel according to NNP I agree with NNP. You did good. I'd always joked that I wanted DS to launch and be independent because I wanted grandchildren. Now I have them and I love them! I had huge misgivings about going back to work when he was 6 weeks old (no mothers who had done that in my family and the few others I know were teachers and thus had shorter hours) but we needed my income and frankly, I loved my work and didn't want to give it up. They live 3 hours away and I see them every couple of months and don't have much contact in between although he tends to call me when he's making a decision (career or financial) where he values my input. It warms my heart. Celebrate a good outcome.
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Knee Deep in Water Chloe
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Post by Knee Deep in Water Chloe on Jan 1, 2021 11:24:46 GMT -5
I don't think that sounds bad at all. Some people once they have kids that's what defines them and that's what they've always wanted while for others they still want their own identity outside of being a parent. What works for each person or family is different and there's no right or wrong answer. My goal is to raise kids who eventually become stable adults who have their own identity and choose their own paths. That doesn't mean I don't want to be involved in their lives when they're adults rather I don't want them feeling like they have to worry about me and how I'll react when they make decisions about their lives. Perhaps they have an opportunity for a job or experience that takes them out of the state or country and I don't want them passing on it if me not wanting them to move away is the reason why. That is probably another part of my funk. My oldest just launched two months ago. I’m super proud of her but also miss having her at home. My job was to launch her and I did. But a part of me is struggling with my new role in her life. For the last 11 years, I’ve worked and travelled for work way too much. I finally have all the time in the world to spend with her and it’s too late. She is an adult with her own life. My youngest graduated from high school 2019, and she went to college that fall. I was an utter disaster for a month. I struggled for at least four months. Then she got sent home because of the pandemic. Then, that was hard too. Anyhoo, I don't know who I am outside of work and parenting. I'm also trying to find something outside of parenting that is meaningful to me.
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nittanycheme
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Post by nittanycheme on Jan 1, 2021 19:05:23 GMT -5
I would like to keep up the workout regime that I've gained being at home more. I can tell I'm getting stronger - hopefully at some point that also shows up on the scale. I lost about 20# last fall, and so far I've mostly kept it off, although my weight does flucuate a bit. I would like it go down more; I'm hoping it'll come as my workouts stabilize. And I need a plan on how to do them if work actually make me start to go into the office more often at the end of year. Having an extra 1.5 hours a day by not commuting has really helped this part of my life. Try to use up some of my "hoarded" items. I have a large freezer filled with food, a ton of bath supplies and face stuff, etc. that I am really trying to use up before I get more. Fortunately, COVID is an incentive to help with this. Unfortunately, the main places I shop are part of why I have a lot of extra - 2 person household but do a lot of shopping at Costco and BJ's..... Figure out my personal situation with my not-so-DH. Try to get out more once its safe. My introvert tendencies have really isolated me over the last few years, and it got even worse now since the realization that a lot of people are selfish. Help my parents - although I'm hoping my dad is going to up to more activity now that he had part of his back fused.
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 1, 2021 19:28:44 GMT -5
That is probably another part of my funk. My oldest just launched two months ago. I’m super proud of her but also miss having her at home. My job was to launch her and I did. But a part of me is struggling with my new role in her life. For the last 11 years, I’ve worked and travelled for work way too much. I finally have all the time in the world to spend with her and it’s too late. She is an adult with her own life. My youngest graduated from high school 2019, and she went to college that fall. I was an utter disaster for a month. I struggled for at least four months. Then she got sent home because of the pandemic. Then, that was hard too. Anyhoo, I don't know who I am outside of work and parenting. I'm also trying to find something outside of parenting that is meaningful to me. See, I was sailing. I mean I love them and I’m happy to have them home, but I had found such a nice relaxed, doing my own things routine ... and I think I’m just a little worried after Covid changes I’m not getting it back again...
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minnesotapaintlady
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Post by minnesotapaintlady on Jan 1, 2021 19:52:12 GMT -5
My youngest graduated from high school 2019, and she went to college that fall. I was an utter disaster for a month. I struggled for at least four months. Then she got sent home because of the pandemic. Then, that was hard too. Anyhoo, I don't know who I am outside of work and parenting. I'm also trying to find something outside of parenting that is meaningful to me. See, I was sailing. I mean I love them and I’m happy to have them home, but I had found such a nice relaxed, doing my own things routine ... and I think I’m just a little worried after Covid changes I’m not getting it back again... LOL I was a freakin' wreck when I took DS to college. He came home 10 weeks later and by the end of the first week back I was counting down the days until I could take him back!
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cktc
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Post by cktc on Jan 2, 2021 12:28:39 GMT -5
Is she able to go with you to places? Can the two of you volunteer somewhere? Probably at some point we could. This is going to sound bad, but I want something outside of being a mom. I used to be a highly regarded professional, and now I cook and clean (I won’t allow a cleaning person into the house with Covid). A big part of this is Covid. Covid is the reason I rushed my retirement. But Covid is also the reason we can’t do anything. And I’m in the northeast so it’s cold and miserable. I would be loving it if it was summer. I think you've mentioned that you are interested in teaching. Could you start an online professional development group? Meet weekly via zoom with people who are new to your former profession and give whatever guidance you felt was lacking when you started out. It could be free, a nominal fee, or you could even develop it into a new career if you find it rewarding.
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Miss Tequila
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Post by Miss Tequila on Jan 2, 2021 12:35:05 GMT -5
My youngest graduated from high school 2019, and she went to college that fall. I was an utter disaster for a month. I struggled for at least four months. Then she got sent home because of the pandemic. Then, that was hard too. Anyhoo, I don't know who I am outside of work and parenting. I'm also trying to find something outside of parenting that is meaningful to me. See, I was sailing. I mean I love them and I’m happy to have them home, but I had found such a nice relaxed, doing my own things routine ... and I think I’m just a little worried after Covid changes I’m not getting it back again... I think the difference is that I will never have an empty nest so I can’t become a typical empty nester. And she moved just a few months after I retired. And retirement not being as grand as I expected because we can’t go anywhere. Too much change at once. And too much nothing for someone like me that isn’t used to having free time. My retirement was rushed because of Covid (my choice because I didn’t want anyone in the house to watch my daughter) so I didn’t have a plan in place for the next phase of my life I’m feeling better now. Oldest is on winter break so I’ve seen her a lot more. I’m also staring at a big birthday this year and thinking about my own mortality. It’s just everything at once. Overall, I have a good life and I need to be thankful. I can’t stand whiney people and I’m sounding pretty whiney!
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oped
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Post by oped on Jan 2, 2021 12:41:52 GMT -5
I also think that this being the second one to leave was different. The first one was harder, but I'd already established away from home routines/knowledge that helped. And as you say the empty nest part.
I think those big questions coming up at this point are normal even though that doesn't make it easier. I'm also frequently overwhelmed with the vastness of choice in what I want to do next, how I can be engaged in meaningful work, etc.
I don't think its whiney. I think there are legitimate issues and questions even in regular transition stages of life. Current events exacerbate the situation.
I've been talking to a therapist, about every 2 weeks now. I needed after the election, honestly I needed it before and my breaking my own rules about when to ask for help is why it got so bad, so that now that I could probably stop or go to once a month maintenance, I'm sticking with it a little longer to make sure. Even if he doesn't say much it helps to have an accountability person and a sounding board for some of those questions. You might consider talking to someone who can help you sort thoughts and ideas and ask you questions and help draw observations. Lots of therapists specialize in transition times, as that is generally a time when people can use some feedback on making decisions and forming new habits, etc.
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