Is anyone else just...tired?

[nidena]

I arrived to my new city at the very end of January.  Putzed around on my computer for a few weeks, working on my website, then found a part-time job because I was starting to go a little stir-crazy after being in the apartment for five weeks and that was after living in Smalltown, Iowa for three months.  Everything was so far away there--45 minutes to nearest city--that I ventured out only once or twice a week.  And then the world shut down.  And then an onslaught of televised tragedy and trauma scrolls through every social website that I read daily.  I will be very glad when the house transaction closes so that I can shift focus and take my eyes of the computer for awhile.  

How have you dealt with everything--whether your routine got completely revamped or you had an increase in workload--these past few months?

[Deleted]

How? Not well. At first I went to my happy place--my garden. I set my little HD radio to my favorite classical music station and dug and weeded and planted. 

The state of the country and the world and my little corner of it is so bad and the news about it all is so bad, that it doesn't seem like there's any escape. 

I need something so big, so involved, so labor intensive and time-consuming, that it's all I can focus on and so that my mind can't wander back to what's happening in the world.

At first I was determined and forward-looking. Now I mostly feel hopeless and depressed.

[steph08]

Since March 13, I have been working fulltime from home while also keeping my kids (4 and 5) educated and out of trouble.

Yes, I am tired. And doubly so since there is no end in sight and the world has gone to hell.

[dogmom]

Weary here too.  I honestly thought it was just me.  Certainly overwhelmed with all that's going on.

Sending happy thoughts to all of you.

[Deleted]

Yes, and I've got it easier than most- retired, no financial worries, no kids to home-school, COVID-19 clearly present in my area but no "second waves" I can see (have been tracking numbers since mid-May).

When this all started I was in Bolivia (from March 10 till March 18 when we were sent home) and the way I described it was that I was having a great time but there was an undercurrent of anxiety. That hasn't gone away, of course. I came home to almost-empty roads, places that were part of my routine closed indefinitely, shortages of TP and hand sanitizer, news about COVID-19 and how it's transmitted changing every day. Even with the opening up, it's scary to venture out because I know that sheltering in place may have been a factor in keeping me from getting COVID-19 and now I'm changing that. The stock market has been a real roller coaster ride. I've been through these markets before but not with so much else going on.

And then the civil unrest started and my FaceBook feed has more ugly politics and fewer posts with humor, cute kids or cute grandkids.

So, yeah I'm tired. Thanks for bringing this up- I've always said that my default setting is "happy" but really, this is wearing me down.

[chiver78]

not well at all. I accepted an offer on my house two days before my employer told us to work from home for the foreseeable future, which was March 6th. the largest biotech employer in MA told everyone not directly involved in mfg to get out, it made headlines in New England. on April 30th, I closed on the sale of my house, in order to move closer to an office I have yet to set foot in, and it is now mid June. I moved to a temporary rental in order to catch my breath and figure out next steps, and it is so far from ideal, making me wonder why I sold my house at all. I thought I was going to check out Arizona as an option this spring, but that option went out the window even before COVID shut it down.

I'm fairly certain my dogs hate me, since we can't go out off leash anymore with no fence here, why doesn't the air have a hint of salt in it, and where are all our friends that used to be right around the corner?

and then I go online and see the garbage being posted by some folks I thought I knew. I've been seeing bits and pieces since the last Presidential election, but the paat few weeks have been enlightening. I wonder what the world will look like when things open up again.

yah, I am tired. 😔

[giramomma]

Yup. Exhausted here. I cut back where I could. I made the decision that continuing with school was going to kill me, so I should pause. I only have three more classes left, and three years to finish.

Most of it, though, we've taken in stride, even with the negative affects. What choice do I have really? I think it also helps that we are used to juggling. I think the last time I didn't have to juggle was 30 years ago, when I was a freshman in HS.

I did join a challenge on a Ravelry group that has been pretty satisfying. In the past two months I've finished 2 hats, 6 washcloths, a set of teething rings, and I'm almost done with a cowl for DD1. I still have a month, hoping to finish a few more things and cast on a few more projects. Most everything will get donated.

DH and I traditionally start a new series to binge in the summer. Last summer, it was stranger things. This year, Ray Donovan.

Having a cheeky two year old also sort of helps me from taking things too seriously. Miss M has learned how to force burping. A few days ago, DD1 was asking her "What sound does the letter "G" make? " And Yup, Miss M responded by burping.

[CCL]

We stopped watching the news about 6 weeks ago. It has helped us.

We also started a couple big projects on the house. It has given us something better to focus on. We'd probably be bored to tears if we were in an apartment.

Normally we would be planning/taking a couple trips. We already cancelled 2 week-long family camping trips. I was about to book our fall trip, but held off when all this started.

[Lizard Queen]

I'm tired of this too. I've been working from home since mid March. School is officially out for the summer, but we did the bare minimum. I was working a lot more hours for a while, but things are settling down on that front. I want to continue to work from home, so I'm probably stuck with this job. At least they are permitting this for the long haul. The whole department is supposed to wfh for the summer, at least. I have a monitor from work, so I have an extended second display, and a standing desk from work, bought myself a new comfy office chair, and staked out a corner in our spare bed(junk)room. We got cable internet, which is working much better than the DSL. I'm all set, besides for the kids being loud and crazy much of the time. My oldest talks non-stop. Where did he get that from? Neither of his parents...

I haven't been to a store since mid-March. My husband has been doing the grocery shopping. It feels weird when I drive these days. We started a kitchen remodel March 9. Still not done 😣. Being home all the time really focused my attention on all the incomplete projects, which are a lot.

Normally, we're running around every single day to activities for our children. It's been so strange not to. My kids are usually not interested in anything more. Now, they want to sign up for anything I bring up. They start golf on Wednesday. I'm looking at buying some musical instruments as well, but I don't know how that's going to work.

I'm getting depressed at home all the time. My husband is getting more and more irritable, though he's now going into the office for half days. We both really want a vacation, but there aren't many safe options. Chances are, we'd be fine if we caught the virus, so I don't know how hard we should try to continue avoiding it like we have.

[oped]

I threw myself into gardening and weight loss... projects help. I am also in an easy position work and kid wise so that makes me an anomaly. I’m also highly introverted. I had also previously unloaded a lot of people, did my discovery of who ‘friends’ actually were awhile ago. This was just final steps for me. Basically I’m ok. Understand why others are t though. 

[Tiny]

I'm single and live alone (well, I have 2 elderly cats).    I've been WFH since March 16th - went from going to work every day to working from home every day.   It was a weird transition for me.  I need the structure of the office.   So, yes I am tired not from having to deal with other people but from trying to keep myself on track and not crash and burn.       All that despite being an introvert.  I spent alot of time alone before Covid 19  (sometimes in a room full of people who were all doing their own thing - aka work). 

I started avoiding "news" in April.   I do want some "news" - just not every moment of the day - especially since I sit at screen(s) nearly 12 hours a day monday thru friday.  And then some more on the weekends.      So, I do my best to limit my exposure to news.  I almost completely avoid people "yapping" about the current hot topic of the day.   That's different than news.     

I've had (and scheduled) days off of work, so I get some "not at the monitor" time.  I, thankfully, have hobbies that I can do at home by myself - so I have been doing some "fun" things.  I've done some chores (beyond routine stuff) around the house/yard, as well.   

The hardest part is managing "me" without a schedule/routine enforced by someone (or something) else.   Being left to my own devises is as bad as I thought it might be.       

I've started working on some new routines (like months ago) and I'm finally getting better at sticking to them.   (yeah, that do it for 12 days and it's habit thing.. not so much for me - more like months and months. and even then I might not be able to maintain it if my life changes to much by something else). 

[ners]

I am tired. I found work form home is not a good fit for me at this time for a number of reasons. I now go into the office 4 days a week.

I had minor surgical procedure on May 7. I may have started back to work a bit too soon. I have found it difficult to sleep.

There are layoffs coming at work. While I think I am safe at this time one never knows. My former supervisor and mentor found another position. I met her replacement Thursday. We have to work together and I hope I will be able to build a good working relationship.

Well time to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving.

[countrygirl2]

Our area doesn't have a lot to offer and the last 2 years more and more stores have closed, so that was depressing. then all this hit and NOTHING. I mean nothing. We had stocked up so were ok, all our renters have been able to pay but one, so that's been ok.  

Hubs has kept working on the house, mowing and doing his other stuff. Going to Lowe's or Menards early when no one was there and to my surprise wearing a mask.  He has been careful. I think I was sick with it, wish I knew, that was early on.

And yes the last week, I told hubs I am just physically tired, just wiped out, I think its mental as much as physical. I go to the city now and know many of the stores will never reopen. DD and I ate out on the patio at a restaurant alone for the first time since first of March.  I'm not sure its going to get back to any kind of normal either. It's very depressing, that's for sure.

Now I'm seeing maybe no local celebration, the big fair north of us is having no rides, and on and on. Nothing to go to, nothing to look forward to. How long is this going to go on?  

At least we are retired so no danger of losing jobs or not having enough money to live on. So I'm thankful for that.

I thought it was boring here before, its dead now, sigh.

[empress of self-improvement]

I'm along the lines of oped, well except no kids to deal with. I am highly introverted as well and perfectly fine with being home. I will admit I do miss going into work for the respite from DH but other than that, not a thing has actually changed here. I will admit I missed the bookstore but went yesterday for the first time in three months. I was so excited!!!! Just ask my accredit card, it'll tell you

[Deleted]

I'm more overwhelmed than tired, but this has been going on for the past couple years, so I don't know that present situation has anything to do with it.  I keep falling farther and farther behind in everything and am starting to worry about my job because I'm just not getting done what needs to be and it's all going to come crashing down if we get audited or something.  But, for some reason every week when I give my report to my boss that asks SPECIFICALLY if I need help or all is fine (there's literally a check box), I always say workload is balanced.  I'm afraid to say I can't keep up or need overtime when it's not allowed right now.  And now I feel that I've let it go so long that they'd be more mad to know that!  So, I keep thinking I'll work nights and weekends off the clock to catch up, but then I don't want to. 

The covid stuff and staying home and things being closed doesn't bother me at all with the exception of the added stress of trying to keep my kids busy when I need to work.  My social life and going to stores has not changed one bit.  I do spend waaaay too much time on the computer now though.  I don't watch the news much, and am considering staying away from social media for awhile as well. 

[GRG a/k/a goldenrulegirl]

It's been hard not to freak out and give up.  Trying to stay calm and optimistic is really, really, wearing on the body, mind, and soul.  What has helped is trying, trying, TRYING to stay in the moment and just get through the task at hand or the next 15 minutes.  

I convinced my employer to let me work from home during our "SEASON" and that went well until we hit our "summer slowdown" way earlier than normal.  I emailed my 3 bosses yesterday to let them know that I need more tasks to do.  I'm a little worried that that means I will be called back to work in person, but with fewer germy customers, I think I could handle it.  I am also a little worried that, because this Spring has been so out of the ordinary for us business and sales-wise, that there might by some layoffs.  I hope I have proven myself enough over the years, but I also haven't been in their line of vision for 3 months, so could be seen as expendable.  I need the job.  We still have one more kiddo in college and who knows what the future will bring for any of the 4 of us in terms of jobs.  I would love to work from home for the rest of my work life, though.  It suits me. 

DH worked from home for a bit, then for 3 days, and now goes into the office every day, which is largely a good thing.  He is not a good home office mate.  He talks to himself, constantly, when he works.  I mean constantly.  Sighs, swears, whines.  Oy.  Someone in the factory tested positive a week or so ago.  DH has very mixed results with respect to social distancing and mask wearing (mostly out of selfish "claustrophobia" than any political stance), so he's definitely vulnerable.  I have to remind myself that he lost his father several weeks ago and was only able to say a brief good-bye in person a few days before my DFIL died.  There has been no wake, no funeral, nothing, which for Catholics is unheard of.  So, I do try to cut DH some slack.  But I won't deny a huge part of me is relieved when he leaves the house to go to work.  

The kids are doing as well as expected.  ODS has been living with his girlfriend and her family near his college.  At first I balked, wanted him close, but it appears to have worked well for him and he is completely on board with following "the rules" as far as social distancing, mask wearing, etc.  I've been sending food to him/them regularly.  He was unable to find a paying job this summer, which sucks, but he did find a full-time volunteer position in his future career field, so between that and taking 2 consecutive summer courses, he is constructively occupied, if not very, very, expensive.  YDS is off to work in the forests of New England.  He has always been my anxious kid due to his lifelong, life-threatening, food allergies, so the pandemic has raised his levels even higher.  He does have some good strategies for dealing with it, and while he was home for 9 weeks before graduating he was able to hand some of his worry off to me for a bit (food shopping -- which was a challenge during the lockdown, cooking, current events monitoring, etc.).  He is currently "paying me back", LOL, by living extremely remotely, alone, and with almost daily encounters with bears.  Now I'm the one with the high anxiety levels, LOL.

I, guess, I, too, am a bit of an introvert, although I do like to see other people in defined bursts, LOL.  I have really enjoyed not having people pop over unexpectedly (I HATE that!!!).  We've gotten some projects done around the house and have found a long list of more to do since we're sitting here staring at walls, etc., LOL.  I feel a little better now that grocery shopping is not so haphazard.  Sure, things remain out of stock or in short supply, but my Instacart (a new-to-me service since the lockdown began) orders have been improving rapidly in accuracy. 

That all said, there are days where I just sit.  I don't even read or watch tv.  I just sit and decompress.  I've resigned myself to the fact that the next year or two is probably going to suck big time financially, socially, etc. but that hopefully we will eventually have enough, effective, vaccine for everyone who wants it and can start to rebuild our lives, the economy, etc..  Thank God for the dog.  He has a knack for snuggling or nudging or enticing me with a ball whenever I hit a low.  It's hard to stay down too long when you have a dog.  

[Tennesseer]

Yes. I am tired.

[Deleted]

Jun 14, 2020 9:43:33 GMT -5 Tennesseer said:

Yes. I am tired.

The womens' answers - 500 words. The man's answer - 4.    lol 

I'm tired of division and the attempted politicization and denial of basic science.

This isn't a "second wave" because we haven't even exited the first. To exit the first requires testing and contact tracing. Things we refuse to do as a society, so we may never actually exit this wave. Especially, since it's still growing despite people seeming to ignore that fact and pretending like it's magically disappeared.

I think history will look back on this time and people will shake their heads at the stupidity of people's actions and how many unnecessary deaths it caused.

I'm tired of being home and tired of my body hurting. So, tomorrow I am taking my dog camping in the mountains where I can collect some amazing green petrified wood or or sit in a chair and read a book if that's all my body decides I can do.

It's supposed to rain and be cold. I don't care. I'm getting out into the world. That's why I moved here and more lock down attempts are in the future, so I might as well go now while it's easier to travel.  

I've started spending less time on social media. It's toxic by design. 

[Deleted]

Yes, to each and every post above.  Thank you all for sharing in many words or few-it's nice to find a place of honesty and acceptance.  I am tired.  Tired of fear, doubt, uncertainty, judgment, and division.  Yet each morning I get up and go on in some fashion.  

[nidena]

I think what further adds to the chaos in my world--though, it's not really chaos so much as clutter--is that I've been looking at art that was wrapped for moving back in the fall, that came out of storage Feb 1st, and has been sitting in the main room of my apt since that day.  Those and a number of boxes that are filled with things that I like but don't necessarily need to exist.  Things that I didn't unbox or unwrap back then because I knew this apt was temporary.  So, the art that I used to be able to stare at and lose myself in has been wrapped in brown paper for five months.  My kitchen has only the necessary pots and pans and not ALL the pots, pans, baking sheets, or casserole dishes.

I came here to start the next chapter, the one that allows me to truly put down roots, and then the world was put on restriction.  No finding my new favorite coffee shop.  No finding my new favorite bookstore.  No going out roller skating--even at 40-something.  No making new friends in person.  No taking any classes that I wanted to take--Tai Chi, ballroom dance, archery--to learn new skills.  No swimming in the apt pool.  

I don't know if that's better or worse than having a real routine already in place and not being able to stick to it.

[Deleted]

I agree with those of you who've said they're spending less time on social media. I quit FB a couple of weeks ago. At first I had withdrawal symptoms and considered going back. Now I'm used to not seeing the mountains of garbage that gets posted. And it's especially nice to not see garbage posted by old friends so that I can remember them as old friends.

[anciana]

Jun 14, 2020 10:57:22 GMT -5 @donethat said:

Yes, to each and every post above.  Thank you all for sharing in many words or few-it's nice to find a place of honesty and acceptance.  I am tired.  Tired of fear, doubt, uncertainty, judgment, and division.  Yet each morning I get up and go on in some fashion.  

It has been mentally exhausting and I fear it’s going to be a while as things are not getting better as much as hoped for. It’s a balance between all the bad news and good news as time passes. 

[TheOtherMe]

Jun 14, 2020 10:57:22 GMT -5 @donethat said:

Yes, to each and every post above.  Thank you all for sharing in many words or few-it's nice to find a place of honesty and acceptance.  I am tired.  Tired of fear, doubt, uncertainty, judgment, and division.  Yet each morning I get up and go on in some fashion.  

This is pretty much how I feel.  

I am also tired of the mask v. no mask crowd.  I will be wearing a mask for some time to come.

[Lizard Queen]

Jun 14, 2020 11:14:03 GMT -5 @missrigby said:

I agree with those of you who've said they're spending less time on social media. I quit FB a couple of weeks ago. At first I had withdrawal symptoms and considered going back. Now I'm used to not seeing the mountains of garbage that gets posted. And it's especially nice to not see garbage posted by old friends so that I can remember them as old friends.

I didn't quit Facebook, but I unfollowed most of my DH's family.  I did make the mistake of going to my MIL's FB page, and seeing something (to me) horrendous, and I spoke up about it.  As a rule, I'd rather think of them as somewhat decent people vs. huge hypocrites.  If I followed all their posts, I'm afraid I'd cause a huge rift in the family, but sometimes I think maybe I should.  Part of the problem is that they live in an echo chamber, and people like me have been afraid of making waves.

[nidena]

Jun 14, 2020 11:14:03 GMT -5 @missrigby said:

I agree with those of you who've said they're spending less time on social media. I quit FB a couple of weeks ago. At first I had withdrawal symptoms and considered going back. Now I'm used to not seeing the mountains of garbage that gets posted. And it's especially nice to not see garbage posted by old friends so that I can remember them as old friends.

Recently unfriended someone when their true colors came to light.  I have many friends who are supporters of people and orgs that I disagree with but we respect the line between us. This former friend crossed it and I had to let them go.  They crossed it so bad, another mutual friend also unfriended them.

I can't keep away from social media while there are still online tasks that I have to take care of but once the time comes that I can get down to choosing paint colors for the basement or ripping up the carpet to expose the hardwood floors beneath or just planting some flowers, I'll be taking the break.  Even from here.  I gotta do it all or none.

[teen persuasion]

I WAS tired. Tired of everyone else's schedule being imposed on me. Tired of zero paid vacation time off. Tired of the constant merry-go-round of the school year calendar (both DS5 and DH).

Once everything shut down, we were all stuck at home and not supposed to go out, those all went out the window. First thing we all did was catch up on our sleep. We were all sleep deprived due to the artificially early wake-up time for school.

I'm naturally an introvert, so staying home is my inclination anyways. I wasn't sure how having everyone else around 24/7 would be, though. I get a little cranky when summer break rolls around (the guys home, me working), because SRP is our busy season at the library. Turns out, I was envious that they got to be home w/o me, not that having them home drove me crazy. All of us home together is great, lots of good conversations we normally never have time or opportunity for. That's the big downside here - I'm missing the kids who are off in their own cities/lives. I'm especially missing the little guy, my new grandson. DD1 sends videos to the family group chat, but he's growing up so fast! I've seen him twice in person, and now he's walking! That's the only traveling I'd like to do - go visit them, especially as we have the free time, for once.

The free time has been an early experiment in what retirement could be like for us (we were really close, before the market dipped, maybe another year of work/saving). I've learned I do need some outside scheduled commitments, or I fritter the day away, but I'd like fewer. I've also learned the boys are happy spending forever online. We've had to prod DS5 everyday to look at school stuff, let alone do it. So he needs structure imposed, too.

We are still in limbo a bit. We've adapted to the new normal, but it keeps evolving. My employer is easing back to work - I worked last week (alone), and our new schedule will be 1 week per month on for the clerks, every other week on for the director, until we get the go ahead for full opening. DH still doesn't know if summer school will be remote or in person, they keep punting the decision.

My region is still seeing declining Covid stats, so if that continues and there's no rebound, I could see in person school resume in the fall. That will be the test.
We are now back to where we were 3 months ago. A second wave could take a similar window to recede with a new shutdown.

[toomuchreality]

Ugh. So tired. Even the news is the same, every single day.

[movingforward]

I'm glad you started this thread - thank you. I really was beginning to think I was the only one struggling.

I am trying to focus on the positive - my company has a good amount of reserves so I still have a job, I haven't had to cut any people or anyone's salary. I am in a much better position than most.

Still, I am really concerned. My job relies upon large groups being able to meet and social interaction with the public. I have been working from home for 3 months (going into the office 1-2 days per week to check the mail, deposit any checks, etc). I have seen the accountant a handful of times as we need to keep a close eye on the finances but I have seen no other staff members or board. My job generally requires travel about once a month. Of course, that isn't happening right now...not much of anything is happening right now. It's depressing. Everyone is back in the office next week. I think that will help me a lot.

The current state of our county makes me want to cry daily. I have mostly stopped watching the news and I stay off of social media, which is helping.

I fear another shutdown. I don't know if I could emotionally handle it...my cat is old and not doing too well. The thought of another shutdown without him around...i just can't go there...

On a good note, i have been looking at trips for late 2021 and early 2022. It makes me feel better. I also got a pedicure last weekend. I felt very safe there. Only one person at a time allowed in the nail area, nail tech had on a face mask and face shield, and all clients must wear a mask. It's amazing how a little thing like a pedicure made me feel so much better.

[TheOtherMe]

I will add that I am also retired and an introvert.  What got to me is that I do not feel safe going out, so I don't.  I'd like to be able to go a few places and not feel like I am risking my life by doing so.

I do go on Instagram (for cat videos mostly) and FB.  I have unfriended some friends and relatives because of their views and I am not dealing with them.  Others I unfollowed because I am hoping they may some day see the light.  I rarely look at their pages.  

I am in a grief group on FB and I need that.  

[chiver78]

Jun 14, 2020 11:06:13 GMT -5 nidena said:

I think what further adds to the chaos in my world--though, it's not really chaos so much as clutter--is that I've been looking at art that was wrapped for moving back in the fall, that came out of storage Feb 1st, and has been sitting in the main room of my apt since that day.  Those and a number of boxes that are filled with things that I like but don't necessarily need to exist.  Things that I didn't unbox or unwrap back then because I knew this apt was temporary.  So, the art that I used to be able to stare at and lose myself in has been wrapped in brown paper for five months.  My kitchen has only the necessary pots and pans and not ALL the pots, pans, baking sheets, or casserole dishes.

I came here to start the next chapter, the one that allows me to truly put down roots, and then the world was put on restriction.  No finding my new favorite coffee shop.  No finding my new favorite bookstore.  No going out roller skating--even at 40-something.  No making new friends in person.  No taking any classes that I wanted to take--Tai Chi, ballroom dance, archery--to learn new skills.  No swimming in the apt pool.  

I don't know if that's better or worse than having a real routine already in place and not being able to stick to it.

I feel every bit of this post, since I'm basically in the same spot. hugs, nidena. one day at a time.