My dad

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 20, 2019 9:10:23 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

I am sorry about your dad, for your sake. He is happy to be where he belongs, with his wife.💔 Doesn't make it suck any less, I know.
Lots of hugs.

Thank you.  Yes, it still hurts, but they are together and that is what he has been wanting.

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 20, 2019 11:00:49 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

I hope you were able to get some rest. Take some time and breathe. It will never be the same again, but they will both always be with you.
Cuddle the Lucy cat if she'll let you.

And you have permission to ignore your sister for a full 36 hours.

Award for the most timely post of the day.  

She yelled at me enough already this morning that I told her to stop abusing me.  Yes, I did.

I am letting her plan the funeral.  She's going to do it her way anyway.

I will text her with any further information as she is driving me nuts.

[shanendoah]

Dec 20, 2019 12:04:15 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Dec 20, 2019 11:00:49 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

I hope you were able to get some rest. Take some time and breathe. It will never be the same again, but they will both always be with you.
Cuddle the Lucy cat if she'll let you.

And you have permission to ignore your sister for a full 36 hours.

Award for the most timely post of the day.  

She yelled at me enough already this morning that I told her to stop abusing me.  Yes, I did.

I am letting her plan the funeral.  She's going to do it her way anyway.

I will text her with any further information as she is driving me nuts.

*hugs*

[empress of self-improvement]

What the holy hell is wrong with your sister?!?!? Jesus H. Christ almighty. She needs a good swift kick in the ass.

[moneysquirrel]

Take care of yourself.  Your father is at peace and no longer in pain. Your have done all that you could do and should have no regrets.  You have all of us "virtual" sisters  and we have your back.  

[Deleted]

Dec 20, 2019 12:18:47 GMT -5 empress of self-improvement said:

What the holy hell is wrong with your sister?!?!? Jesus H. Christ almighty. She needs a good swift kick in the ass.

I'll bet what's wrong with the sister is that she's feeling massive amounts of guilt and is trying to unload it on TOM. JMHO

[TheOtherMe]

Just finished correcting dad’s obituary. Some grammar but some living survivors were missing.

My parents pre planned their funerals. I think dad had input as it emphasizes his bowling 🎳

[Chocolate Lover]

Dec 19, 2019 22:27:25 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Dec 19, 2019 22:17:54 GMT -5 Sharon said:

TheOtherMe my condolences on the loss of your Father.

"When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be."

Sharon those are the perfect words for me. Thank you 🙏

I heard this on the radio last night in the car and thought of you.

I'm so sorry TheO 

[TheOtherMe]

Let It Be is my special song with Paul.  

That song has helped me many times in my life.

When I was hospitalized for 28 days 20 years ago, a music therapist came in and I had told her what kind of music I liked.  When she came back to play the guitar, she said my eyes were closed but I sang the lyrics with her.

[azucena]

Remind me where you live again, trying to figure out if I can fit in a "meeting" with your sister this weekend.

[Deleted]

Remember, though, TheOtherMe, that your sister's power of attorney expired with your father's death.  So unless she has been appointed executor,  you have equal authority in making decisions about the arrangements.

Hang in there!

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 20, 2019 17:05:57 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

Remember, though, TheOtherMe , that your sister's power of attorney expired with your father's death.  So unless she has been appointed executor,  you have equal authority in making decisions about the arrangements.

Hang in there!

She is the executor.  

I will still be making the phone calls.  She "ordered" me to wait until next week.  

I will be going down tomorrow and staying until Tuesday morning.  Great hotel rates at an empty Hampton Inn.

[Iggy aka IG]

Safe travels and hugs to you, TheOtherMe.

[TheOtherMe]

The funeral home uploaded the photos my sister took today.

The photos show the difference in our personalities.  The ones I am taking are from the time dad was a boy to the last summer.  

The photos she took are mostly from the last year and are her grandkids and 3 favorite children.  She also included a picture of dad that is very recent and he looks like he is ready to die.  I don't want to remember him like that.

I downloaded her photos, except for that one.  There were some duplicates that I was going to take, so those are now gone from my flash drive.

Tonight, I am physically exhausted.  I think I will sleep.

[finnime]

Sleep well, TheOtherMe. You've earned it.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 20, 2019 17:42:13 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Dec 20, 2019 17:05:57 GMT -5 @bamafan1954 said:

Remember, though, TheOtherMe , that your sister's power of attorney expired with your father's death.  So unless she has been appointed executor,  you have equal authority in making decisions about the arrangements.

Hang in there!

She is the executor.  

I will still be making the phone calls.  She "ordered" me to wait until next week.  

I will be going down tomorrow and staying until Tuesday morning.  Great hotel rates at an empty Hampton Inn.

What the hell is wrong with your sister?  I'd say screw her wishes others in your family who cared about your dad deserve to know.   She may be executor of the estate which means she gets to dictate where assets go but she doesn't get to dictate when people are told the news.

One of the things that pissed me off the most with my grandma was the above attitude.   There were quite a few people who would have liked to at least attend my grandfather's wake that got no notice because she didn't feel it was "any of their business".   I think that was incredibly rude.

And screw her regarding the pictures.   This isn't about her.   I know that the platitude I am supposed to give is that everyone grieves in their own way so we must be understanding.  Screw that sometimes people like your sister and my grandmother need a swift hard slap upside the head to remind them it's not about them.

[empress of self-improvement]

Dec 20, 2019 20:51:54 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

Dec 20, 2019 17:42:13 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

She is the executor.  

I will still be making the phone calls.  She "ordered" me to wait until next week.  

I will be going down tomorrow and staying until Tuesday morning.  Great hotel rates at an empty Hampton Inn.

What the hell is wrong with your sister?  I'd say screw her wishes others in your family who cared about your dad deserve to know.   She may be executor of the estate which means she gets to dictate where assets go but she doesn't get to dictate when people are told the news.

One of the things that pissed me off the most with my grandma was the above attitude.   There were quite a few people who would have liked to at least attend my grandfather's wake that got no notice because she didn't feel it was "any of their business".   I think that was incredibly rude.

And screw her regarding the pictures.   This isn't about her.   I know that the platitude I am supposed to give is that everyone grieves in their own way so we must be understanding.  Screw that sometimes people like your sister and my grandmother need a swift hard slap upside the head to remind them it's not about them.

Amen sister!!!! I needed my sister to do the phone calls when my dad died. I was the executor, but the phone calls? Forget it. I lost it every time. It took about 10 minutes and for my sister to take the phone away for my cousin to understand what I was trying to tell him. I was a Daddy's girl, what can I say?!?!

[TheOtherMe]

I have totally lost it on the phone with people I know. I am okay with the business calls.

As far as being the executor most of dad’s assets pass outside of an estate. Named beneficiaries and joint accounts.

The only money in the estate will be the return of the buy in to independent living

[TheOtherMe]

The photos of dad’s life will be at the funeral home tomorrow. I thought that is what the photos were supposed to do

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 20, 2019 21:46:11 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

The photos of dad’s life will be at the funeral home tomorrow. I thought that is what the photos were supposed to do

They are. It's not about your sister and those she deems worthy enough.

[CCL]

Yes. You are right, not about your sister.

I've sorta become the family archivist. Whenever there's a funeral, I'm the one who gathers, organizes and produces a slideshow. Regardless of what your sister thinks, visitors usually enjoy seeing photos and reminiscing about their loved one. I always include a soundtrack of their favorite or significant songs from their lifetimes. The music, in particular, seems to bring back memories for everyone. 

Try not to think too much about your sis. I know, easier said than done. You have enough on your plate for now.

[empress of self-improvement]

We spent Thanksgiving going through pictures when my dad died for the funeral home. His was a sudden death so we did not have anything set aside for this AT ALL.  Is it any wonder I'm not so hot on that holiday anymore?

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

You know if we're supposed to let them grieve in their own way and be understanding then I'm sure everyone will understand if you ignore dear sis and/or tell her what you think.

Then write it off as you just can't handle the stress. If it's a good enough excuse for her....

To be serious for a moment if you're having trouble organizing pictures the funeral home can help. My maternal grandmother's death was unexpected and the funeral home did a good job helping my mom put things together.

I'd do it without sister's approval too. You have the right to honor your father which means more than one picture of him.

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 20, 2019 22:28:29 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

You know if we're supposed to let them grieve in their own way and be understanding then I'm sure everyone will understand if you ignore dear sis and/or tell her what you think.

Then write it off as you just can't handle the stress. If it's a good enough excuse for her....

To be serious for a moment if you're having trouble organizing pictures the funeral home can help. My maternal grandmother's death was unexpected and the funeral home did a good job helping my mom put things together.

I'd do it without sister's approval too. You have the right to honor your father which means more than one picture of him.

Drama you are reading my mind. When I am there tomorrow I am asking where escape routes are for the visitation. I have two friends I want to see Then if I am being ostracized I am out of there.

I am also sitting in the family room during the service. Probably alone

I had a little my talk with a cousin to whom I am close. He let me unload for about an hour

[Works4me]

Please accept my most sincere condolences for the loss of your father. As far as your sister is concerned, I think you are handling her difficulties beautifully.

[TheOtherMe]

Dec 21, 2019 8:24:41 GMT -5 Works4me said:

Please accept my most sincere condolences for the loss of your father. As far as your sister is concerned, I think you are handling her difficulties beautifully.

It sure doesn't feel like it because I'm having trouble eating and keeping food down.

That will be my excuse to leave if need be.  

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Dec 21, 2019 0:14:57 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Dec 20, 2019 22:28:29 GMT -5 NomoreDramaQ1015 said:

You know if we're supposed to let them grieve in their own way and be understanding then I'm sure everyone will understand if you ignore dear sis and/or tell her what you think.

Then write it off as you just can't handle the stress. If it's a good enough excuse for her....

To be serious for a moment if you're having trouble organizing pictures the funeral home can help. My maternal grandmother's death was unexpected and the funeral home did a good job helping my mom put things together.

I'd do it without sister's approval too. You have the right to honor your father which means more than one picture of him.

Drama you are reading my mind. When I am there tomorrow I am asking where escape routes are for the visitation. I have two friends I want to see Then if I am being ostracized I am out of there.

I am also sitting in the family room during the service. Probably alone

I had a little my talk with a cousin to whom I am close. He let me unload for about an hour

Good. We're here of course but you need real life support too. Don't allow your sister to isolate you.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Dec 19, 2019 21:40:19 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Dad is now with mom and at peace.  

Love you, dad.  You will be missed.  

I checked in here only to see you. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’m glad your dad is no longer suffering.

[TheOtherMe]

Drama, I'm already isolated, very isolated.

I looked at sister's photos again and had the exact same reaction I had last night.  The photos should be about dad's life, not her life.

[empress of self-improvement]

Dec 21, 2019 10:23:11 GMT -5 TheOtherMe said:

Drama, I'm already isolated, very isolated.

I looked at sister's photos again and had the exact same reaction I had last night.  The photos should be about dad's life, not her life.

Does she think she was unloved or deprived or something as a child? Overcompensating for some perceived injustice, other than not being born first? Which is not anything to brag about if my sister is anything to go by.