Gaming spouses support

[gs11rmb]

Jan 10, 2020 10:21:23 GMT -5 raeoflyte said:

But then its another thing to store/display/dust.

I can't get rid of stuff fast enough -- especially all the things that we make that I feel bad about donating/tossing.

 I read the post and all I could think about was where on earth are you going to store all that crap!  Of course, I live in a small house with limited storage space  .

[azucena]

Fortunately/unfortunately, we have a large ranch with 1900 square feet on the main level and about 1400 finished in the basement with another 500 unfinished.  None of his hobby stuff is on the first floor.  He uses half of the large living room in the basement as his gaming room where he also has cabinets to display his miniatures.  He also has an 8 by 6 foot walk-in closet to store all of his games, costumes, etc. which is about 80% full.  He's been doing a good job lately sticking to his own spending money, and we're accomplishing our savings goals along with small house projects and vacations so I just let it be.

[countrygirl2]

What does one of those printers cost?  I have been intrigued by them.

[azucena]

Feb 20, 2020 19:39:37 GMT -5 countrygirl2 said:

What does one of those printers cost?  I have been intrigued by them.

$225ish. Probably need someone at least slightly techy to set it up but maybe your DH could. I dont think i could.

This is the one DH has...i can tell he needs much longer to recover from surgery because he hasnt even printed one thing since then even though I had his friends bring it up from the basement.
creality3d.shop/collections/3d-printer/products/creality3d-ender-3-pro-high-precision-3d-printer?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-4nuBRCnARIsAHwyuPq8haowkGGSoloZcHx-W9l3RKh3at1kTriE14NXjwdPaY4TG4RXGrEaAihkEALw_wcB

[Wisconsin Beth]

How is Covid impacting on the spouses?  Think it will make any permanent changes? 

[azucena]

Sunday game night has moved online with DH taking his laptop to the basement from 6 to midnight.  The girls and I declared the game night snacks and drinks fair game during quarantine with the logic that they were going to spoil in a month anyway LOL.  DH didn't disagree.

DH and girls are setting up their family DND with DD11 friend's families online this weekend for the first time.

DH has been doing a great job keeping DD7 in particular entertained.  This has included teaching her to play magic which I don't mind.  He's thrilled that she reads well enough and she is catching on to the rules pretty quickly.  He also bought a laser tag set that he has been eyeing for a while.  DD7 was laughably terrible at it at first yet she insisted on keeping score.  I encouraged her to hide better and ambush him, so now the games are a bit more even.

DH can visibly see how hard I'm working since I'm working from home.  There have been days where I'm incredibly frustrated by my stupid boss or just the sheer influx of COVID-19 info for me to review and make decisions on.  He's taken to bringing me lunch in our home office and checking to make sure I have something to drink all day.  He's also cooking lunch and dinner and keeping up with the dishes and laundry.  He's technically working from home too, but for him that means putting together a couple of fb videos 'teaching preschool' and calling a family or two per day.  He's keeping DD7 on track with homeschooling.

We also ended up in a good space after his surgery and recovery.  I dove right back in to taking good care of him, and he appreciated it.  He was conscious of watching me for depression which I appreciated.  We really reconnected and that good space has carried over into quarantine for which I'm completely grateful.  We still have our issues particularly as everyone is confined, but's it so much better than where we ended 2019.

[cktc]

I just have to bump this to brag about DS. He is 4 1/2 years old and his favorite game is Monopoly. I just love playing with him so much. He likes to be banker and we work on all the math together. He can make $28 out of 10s, 5s, and 1s. Making change is a bit difficult for him but he can do small subtraction. His favorite properties are Boardwalk, Park Place, Railroads and Utilities. He completely kicks my butt! He even tries to cheat his roll to land on Free Parking. I know I shouldn't be proud of him cheating, but I can't help but be impressed that he knows what he needs to roll to land there.

How's everyone doing with all the social distancing stuff? DH cut back a lot then moved to online gaming. It got a bit insane for awhile with him playing 3 different games and being online all day so I had to be mean wife and put my foot down. He's scaled back quite a bit again. I definitely prefer board games to video games, they are way too addictive. I bought him some games to play with the family but we haven't had much time to sit down together and figure them all out yet.

[TheOtherMe]

Growing up we played a lot of Monopoly.  Those were my favorite properties, too.  

My parents didn't allow cheating so it never occurred to me to do that.

When I babysat my great niece. she hated to lose.  I knew she tried to cheat with my mom when they played Yahtzee, but mom wouldn't let her.  We were playing a game where to win all the cards had to knocked down by your drawing of cards.  Little devil said she would deal the cards.  It took me until the third hand to realize she was stacking the deck so she would always win.  She was very disappointed when I told her I wouldn't play with her any more if  she cheated.  

She quit stacking the deck.  I didn't always make moves that were in my favor but I was not going to let her stack the deck like that.

[Lizard Queen]

That's super impressive for a 4 yo!

My kids were on a monopoly kick a few weeks ago, and it moved onto the cheaters edition. I've never played it myself, but... it's a thing!

My oldest has moved to playing fortnite on his Xbox, talking to his friends online in the afternoons. My youngest is playing Minecraft on the Xbox, because we won't let him play fortnite yet. My 10 yo got my husband into playing bee swarm simulator on roblox every night, which I find annoying.

[cktc]

My sisters and I all cheated at Monopoly but we didn't know until we discussed it as adults. We all had different strategies. Oldest sister always won, she would fake a roll to land on a property she wanted to purchase. Middle sister always lost, she would grab extra money from the bank whenever she passed go. I usually finished in the middle, miscounting to avoid landing on a stacked property. Strangely it was the only game we cheated regularly.

[Lizard Queen]

That's funny. I never even thought about cheating at monopoly, and I also never won, so that just might have been my problem! 🤣

[azucena]

I was thinking about this thread this week - glad you bumped it.

Fun that he's playing real monopoly so young, but I'll throw a vote in for Monopoly Jr in case someone is looking for Christmas ideas for 4-7 yr olds.  It plays in about 20 mins and holds up really well for a junior version.  It only uses $1s and you have to buy every property you land on - the prices are scaled down to match the $1s and maintain about the same ratios for the 4 sides of the board.

DH hasn't hosted Sun night games at our house since March.  He's taken it online, and I think a few of the guys finally got jobs because they are only playing from 5 to 10 pm because they have to work on Mon mornings.  Finally having an extended break from it, I think I could get back on board hosting if they agreed to finish by 10 or even midnight.

Once a month, he's leading a DND campaign with girls and another family who also has two girls.  All of them love it and the timing works out okay.  I use that time and make sure that I'm doing something with a friend.

DH is taking a leave of absence from work due to the pandemic - his doctor said let's try to wait it out until March since his body already had massive trauma this year from the surgery.  DH isn't happy about not working, but I'll say that he is pitching in way more around the house.  He's cooking every meal and cleaning up, doing laundry, and general cleaning.  If I'm honest, I wish he'd take it 1-2 steps further to help us get ahead on organizing and home improvements things that never seem to get done, but I haven't complained.  He's taking the kids back and forth to school and to their limited activities.

He's watching youtube for a couple of hours a day mid-afternoon before the kids are home and while I am working.  We've kept up his $200/month allowance even though he isn't getting a check because our cashflow is fine.  A new game comes about once a week.  He's not buying as many miniatures because he's printing them.  We worked out a deal that he bought a second 3d printer this summer (the newer Ender version).  He printed and sold enough items to pay back the $300, and he's continuing to sell things here and there to support the filament fund.  He and the kids spend a few hours a week painting the miniatures.

They are off to the Ren Faire today.  All 3 of them have been excited all week.  He had a friend make DD12 a new cape since hers was getting too small.  I'm staying home because it's really just not my thing.

All in all, I'd say we've settled into the most comfortable rhythm that we've found in a long time.  I think we both appreciate each other after supporting each other through his emergency surgery and recovery.

[shanendoah]

azucena - Glad things are going so well, and that he is able to involve the girls in a lot of this. I seem to remember one of your biggest issues before was that he was ignoring them in favor of gaming. Its great that they are able to bond over this, and maybe give you some free time to just think about you.

[azucena]

DH is using his time away from work to sell items from his 3d printing.  He made $200 this morning for minatures that he said took 72 hours total to print, used at most $3 in electricity, and $10 in filament.  He's also been making these coffee cups pouring coffee/coca/etc and selling them for $20.  He's joking about buying a third printer because this one guy is planning out his christmas order.

He's putting 50% of the profits into our cash stash, so I'm making out pretty good on this deal LOL.  Told him he can fund Christmas or our next vacay.

[azucena]

DH got back into computer gaming during the Christmas break.  It wouldn't bother me except last night was the 8th night in a row that he played from 6 pm to 12 am.  That's just plain obsessive and annoying.

[gs11rmb]

azucena does your husband have addictive personality traits?  It's almost as if he finds an interest and just can't limit himself.  Of course, during pandemic times I think focusing on things that give us pleasure seems fairly normal as long as it doesn't impact the rest of our lives.

[azucena]

Yes.  I can't tell if it's an addictive thing or if it stems from a childhood in true poverty without things including food.  Likely a combination.  It comes out in hobbies like board games - the number of games that he's bought that have never been played or played once is absolutely insane.  Computer gaming - he'll go hard for a game like whatever he's currently playing for weeks/months and then not touch it for a while.  Miniatures - the volume of these that he's collected is crazy.  For a while years ago, it was magic cards.  He loves kickstarter which crosses all of those hobbies and allows him to get orders in the mail every so often.

Fortunately, he's matured enough to keep it within our agreed upon monthly budget so that helps.

His dad was an alcoholic so that's always a worry but he barely drinks.  He does eat like crap which also bothers me given all of the health issues he's had.  He's gained back all of the weight that he lost from surgery - about 40 lbs that makes him overweight again.

I know he's in limbo because he's not working, and that's really starting to get to him.  I'd rather keep him home longer to protect him and limit our family's exposure, but we'll likely decide to let him go back to work in Feb.  Hoping the covid peak is over by then.

I brought up the gaming too many nights in a row this morning after the kids left and he got all defensive.  He managed to throw my tv binge watching from late fall in my face.  It's not directly comparable because I was using the tv shows to escape from work stress and too many covid details.  My therapist actually said that was a healthy response in the short term because I'd found a way to let my mind relax for the time that it needed.  And, it was short term and then I stopped watching so many hours a day and went back to watching after the kids went to bed.

I told him to make an appt towards the end of Jan to get the doc's note to go back to work and to figure out how to get on the vac list.  He called this morning and has an appt this afternoon.  It's like he doesn't even hear me.

[azucena]

Girls decided we should order a car decal for DH's honda crv that's black and looks like every other car in the school parking lot.  We found this for father's day...DD12 understands the dice humor, something about a natural 1.  My eyes glazed over, but I know he will like it.

www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07Z79N55S/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Covid has pretty much killed his weekly gaming group.  They tried online for a while, but no one wanted to be on for hours like they do in person.  He just mentioned this morning that our young pastor has always wanted to try a campaign.  He has 3 young kids, so I'm betting he'd need to work out a campaign in a day type thing.  Or maybe monthly.  Does anyone more knowledgeable know what I should suggest to DH.  This would help strike the balance he's been missing.  I would be totally onboard with a once a month day from 8 am to midnight.  That seems much less disruptive than every single week from 5 pm to 2 am.

[shanendoah]

azucena - Yes, the decal is hilarious, especially if you mock the stick figure family decals.

Our gaming group has been gaming online since before the pandemic, as we have players in 3 different time zones, up to 9 hours apart (Seattle to Stockholm, with a stop in upstate NY). We game every other Saturday morning, from 8a to Noon, Seattle time. Friends with toddlers can still help parent their kids, one of our group cleans her house during game. She's got us on the phone with her headset on. She doesn't push the buttons on Roll20 to roll the dice, the GM or one of us does that for her, but otherwise, she is as fully engaged in the game as the rest of us.
Ending at Noon still allows everyone a full weekend afternoon with their family or to do other things.
We end up staying on the call for a few hours afterwards to hang out with our friend in Sweden, and other members of the game stay on as their schedules allow. But it has, overall, worked out really well for us.

[azucena]

DH asked if a modified version of the gaming group could restart soon if everyone is fully vaccinated.  He's agreed to limit it to 5 to 10 one night a week.  I told him I need a chance to get caught up on vax news as I've been avoiding it.

The group would be him, 2 girls from before that I don't mind at all and are appreciably friendly with my girls, two of the gaming guys that I do like who are very respectful, and a girl that had just started coming late 2019.  I'm realizing that maybe it was just two of the guys who would no longer be invited that were rubbing me the wrong way.  One was overly vulgar and LOUD and the other was just a pig as proven by how he treated his then gf in the group, dumped her, and continued to be a complete jerk to her.  The time apart has made DH see some of this, and I think the girls have banded together to oust these two.

He didn't like my idea of one super long day per month, but at least it got us talking about compromises.

Ooo and I just realized that the two girls got a house together recently.  We sold them our old dining room table on the cheap.  I bet they'd be willing to host one night a month.  That would be another compromise.

I also want to explicitly agree that family vacations and events pull rank over game night.  

[shanendoah]

azucena - I think the rotating location is a good compromise. But it also sounds like this modified group is one that would be respectful of your family and home, which is good.
I agree that family vacations and events should always pull rank.
Of course, my husband has a game he's in every week, and he rather wishes it was an every other week game. So I might also see about pushing for an every other week schedule. That also allows for some "rescheduling" when a vacation or family event conflicts.