Gaming spouses support

[cktc]

DH is currently hand wringing over whether or not he should buy some $70 metal dice. He doesn't need them. He's going to buy them. I'm giving it 2 months max.

[cktc]

The dice arrived today.

[ners]

Aug 24, 2019 19:40:17 GMT -5 cktc said:

The dice arrived today.

Well you called that.  He did not wait too long.

[azucena]

Pretty sure my dh doesn't know metal dice exist and I'd like to keep it that way. I know there are hundreds of dice in our house with each set having a different "purpose" in his mind. The kicker is that when I do walk thru game night, all of the gamers are using dice apps while they play. Facepalm!

My dh has gone full out into miniatures lately. At least 3 amazon boxes arrived this week. And of course he has to have ALL the paint colors. When I asked about why he doesn't paint his way thru one batch before ordering more, it did not go over well.

And then he needs someplace to display them all. He got a free cabinet on Craigslist, but is paying to have custom doors made for it so our kids and their friends can look but not touch.

[shanendoah]

Our friend who uses our address as his permanent US address ordered light-up dice via a Kickstarter. When they arrived, they had to be signed for. Since no one was home, I actually had to go to the post office and pick up the stupid dice.


azucena - OMG. Minis are a deep, dark hole. We have bins and bins of them, almost all unpainted. (The paints we had had dried out years ago.) I would ask what game he's getting minis for and offer to ship some to you just for the cost of shipping, to at least save you money, but seriously, you need the expense of the minis to keep the purchases down. 
The look but not touch is dumb. Seriously, back in the day when the minis where metal and you had to assemble the special bits and pieces, it made sense. But they are all some sort of plastic now, and there's pretty much no assembly required. Once the minis are painted, there shouldn't be anything the kids could do to them. And unless your husband is incredibly artistic, detail oriented, and has the most amazing hand eye coordination ever, his painted minis are NOT going to look like the painted minis the local game store has in their display cases. There are people who actually make their livings painting miniatures for other gamers for a reason.
Any chance any of your kids are artistic? Maybe you could tell him that if he's going to spend all this time painting minis (and it is a major time suck), then he needs to paint minis with the kids.

I love games. I am never going to be against them on principal. But painting miniatures has been one of the biggest time sucks for miniature gamers for the last 30+ years. Most gamers I know who are married with kids no longer paint most of their own minis. (They'll manage one or two a year.) This is one where, unless he's involving the kids, or fitting it into already existing (and acceptable) gaming time, I would be pretty hard core about about how much time and money I would find acceptable to be spending on painting the minis.

[cktc]

I'm going to bet that the custom doors are more so they will look cooler on display than to keep hands off. DH is still trying to find a display shelf that fits his imagined visual aesthetic. For now he's taken over my hutch. I do agree it would be a good hobby to take up with the girls. DS is obsessed with DH's little space ships and getting to play with them was part of his potty training reward. I'm sure your hubby will have some models or paint jobs he's not to keen on that they could take over for him.

[azucena]

The hands off approach may have been my influence because I didn't want the girls or their friends to get into trouble with him if one gets dropped and stepped on for example. They are currently on what I see as random surfaces in our finished basement (totally possible they are poised for battle or something). We fairly regularly have 4+ friends over at a time and they end up playing in the basement because then we don't care how loud they are. The minis are appealing so I can just see him getting irritated if one gets broken. Not to mention the paints are super tempting and I assume non-washable.

He does involve the girls and they like painting them. It's more of do you really need to buy more when there are boxes left unpainted still. And do you need to buy 10 shades of red or are 2 (light and dark) good enough.

And now he's watching you tube videos of painting minis which again is just weird when he could actually be doing it himself since he has all the supplies.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'd assume the you-tube videos are tutorials in technique but I could easily be wrong. 

[azucena]

Since we were on vacation, DH missed Sunday night gaming at our house and Mon night board game night at the local shop.  Last night at 6 pm, I was still logged on from home working when he announces he's going to the board game store.  Mind you dinner was nowhere in sight, and he was miffed when I asked if he really needed to go but ended up staying home, making dinner, and going to bed at 8 pm while I was still working.

In other gaming news, one of the weekly gaming group guys broke up with his girlfriend who is also part of the gaming group.  Thoughtful chap timed it for the end of their latest DND campaign. No one saw it coming, girl is devastated as they've been together for at least 5 years.  He's an ass, and she can do better.  DH wasn't on board when I half jokingly suggested she continue with the group and dude gets kicked out.  Guy clearly doesn't believe in personal hygiene as he doesn't shower regularly.  He's almost 30 living in his parents basement, never quite finished community college, and hasn't been employed as long as we've known him.  Oh, and did I mention, he's loud and obnoxious.  Meanwhile, girl is a fantastic artist, helps support her mom, and has babysat for our girls a couple of times in a pinch. 

[gs11rmb]

I never understand those relationships that are so lopsided.  Why on earth does she want to stay with an obnoxious, unemployed man who has poor personal hygiene?  It's probably better that she doesn't remain in the group and finds another group of friends.

ETA:  does she have an obvious self-esteem issue?  Perhaps you could help to bolster her confidence.

[shanendoah]

azucena - I am glad he stayed home and made dinner.

As for the breakup, in my world (granted, 20 years ago), breaking up as a couple was never a reason to break up a gaming group. One of my ex-boyfriends was actually the best man at my wedding, and most of my gamer friends are still friend with their gamer exes, because you always need someone good to game with, even if you aren't romantically compatible. That said, I agree with you that if you're only keeping one, keep her.

[azucena]

Sept 4, 2019 11:44:01 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I never understand those relationships that are so lopsided.  Why on earth does she want to stay with an obnoxious, unemployed man who has poor personal hygiene?  It's probably better that she doesn't remain in the group and finds another group of friends.

ETA:  does she have an obvious self-esteem issue?  Perhaps you could help to bolster her confidence.

I asked DH if I could friend her on facebook and tell her that while I know she is hurting, she deserves to be treated so much better, and he said I better not. I don't know her that well since I really try to stay as uninvolved as possible with the group.

The other couple in the group is the opposite.  The guy is a genuinely good guy and keeps getting hit with lots of tragic stuff - lost his family's house in fire a few years ago, parents in poor health, his own health scare, didn't finish his degree because his for profit school went out of business, etc. I actively encourage DH to support him and spend time with him.  Meanwhile the girl he's been with for years treats him like crap, is constantly getting fired from her part time jobs, doesn't have a driver's license so it's on him to get her places, moved in with him and his family, etc.  I'm pretty sure she gets fired because she's another one who doesn't seem to believe in bathing and/or deodorant.  Someone in the gaming group pissed her off, so she's pouting and refusing to come back the last few months but no one seems to miss her.  Anyway, I don't see why he stays with her so a long time ago I asked DH.  Apparently she threatens suicide if guy even attempts to break up with her so he feels totally stuck.

The funniest part of all of this is that DH doesn't have a sense of smell (I'm guessing from being raised in a house with both parents smoking packs/day), so he thinks I'm making up or exaggerating the smelly friends issue.  Both of our daughters have commented on them, so I have proof that it's not just me.  I just ignore it now though because it becomes just another argument of what do I have against gaming.

[azucena]

Sept 4, 2019 11:46:04 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

azucena - I am glad he stayed home and made dinner.

As for the breakup, in my world (granted, 20 years ago), breaking up as a couple was never a reason to break up a gaming group. One of my ex-boyfriends was actually the best man at my wedding, and most of my gamer friends are still friend with their gamer exes, because you always need someone good to game with, even if you aren't romantically compatible. That said, I agree with you that if you're only keeping one, keep her.

Yeah, he stayed, but it is the thoughtless of just assuming he has so much free time and the way he makes me feel like way less of a priority than gaming that constantly gets under my skin.

The breakup wouldn't have to mean she's out of the group except she's devastated; dude likely told her they would get married someday and kept stringing her along.  And, he's not going to treat her any better now that they aren't together.

And here's the rub, I wouldn't have as much of a problem with gaming if his group of gaming friends were decent.  I've shared stories of 4 so far - 3 chronically unemployed.  2 other guys are also closing in on 30, unemployed and still living at home.  A new girl who works at  the gaming shop just started coming over a couple months ago; I don't know her story.  So, of the group of 7 or 8, only one would I actually push for DH to hang out with.  The rest are all pretty screwed up.  Other than the gaming connection, these aren't what I would consider true friendships, but DH invests so much time with them that he really doesn't have other friends.

[gs11rmb]

Sept 4, 2019 11:59:25 GMT -5 azucena said:

Sept 4, 2019 11:44:01 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

I never understand those relationships that are so lopsided.  Why on earth does she want to stay with an obnoxious, unemployed man who has poor personal hygiene?  It's probably better that she doesn't remain in the group and finds another group of friends.

ETA:  does she have an obvious self-esteem issue?  Perhaps you could help to bolster her confidence.

I asked DH if I could friend her on facebook and tell her that while I know she is hurting, she deserves to be treated so much better, and he said I better not. I don't know her that well since I really try to stay as uninvolved as possible with the group.

The other couple in the group is the opposite.  The guy is a genuinely good guy and keeps getting hit with lots of tragic stuff - lost his family's house in fire a few years ago, parents in poor health, his own health scare, didn't finish his degree because his for profit school went out of business, etc. I actively encourage DH to support him and spend time with him.  Meanwhile the girl he's been with for years treats him like crap, is constantly getting fired from her part time jobs, doesn't have a driver's license so it's on him to get her places, moved in with him and his family, etc.  I'm pretty sure she gets fired because she's another one who doesn't seem to believe in bathing and/or deodorant.  Someone in the gaming group pissed her off, so she's pouting and refusing to come back the last few months but no one seems to miss her.  Anyway, I don't see why he stays with her so a long time ago I asked DH.  Apparently she threatens suicide if guy even attempts to break up with her so he feels totally stuck.

The funniest part of all of this is that DH doesn't have a sense of smell (I'm guessing from being raised in a house with both parents smoking packs/day), so he thinks I'm making up or exaggerating the smelly friends issue.  Both of our daughters have commented on them, so I have proof that it's not just me.  I just ignore it now though because it becomes just another argument of what do I have against gaming.

I don't know these people and I think it's obvious that I believe she's not genuine in threatening suicide so perhaps the following advice is too harsh.  I would suggest that the next time he tries to break up with her, and she threatens suicide, that he calls the police.  If she is genuine then she requires the assistance of mental health professionals.  If she is faking, I would guess that the police taking her away for her own protection would ensure it doesn't happen again.

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

Ugh I can't stand strong B.O. I'd be a bitch and leave cans/ sticks of deodorant everywhere hoping they take the hint.

Or put up a febreze air diffuser positioned to directly spray on them as many times as you can set it to.

Gross just gross.

[raeoflyte]

Friend her on facebook if you want to.  She's one of your babysitters, so outside of the gaming circle you have a connection to her.  If the rest of the group lets him push her out they're being crappy friends and don't get a say in what you do.  

[azucena]

Sept 4, 2019 12:14:27 GMT -5 gs11rmb said:

Sept 4, 2019 11:59:25 GMT -5 azucena said:

I asked DH if I could friend her on facebook and tell her that while I know she is hurting, she deserves to be treated so much better, and he said I better not. I don't know her that well since I really try to stay as uninvolved as possible with the group.

The other couple in the group is the opposite.  The guy is a genuinely good guy and keeps getting hit with lots of tragic stuff - lost his family's house in fire a few years ago, parents in poor health, his own health scare, didn't finish his degree because his for profit school went out of business, etc. I actively encourage DH to support him and spend time with him.  Meanwhile the girl he's been with for years treats him like crap, is constantly getting fired from her part time jobs, doesn't have a driver's license so it's on him to get her places, moved in with him and his family, etc.  I'm pretty sure she gets fired because she's another one who doesn't seem to believe in bathing and/or deodorant.  Someone in the gaming group pissed her off, so she's pouting and refusing to come back the last few months but no one seems to miss her.  Anyway, I don't see why he stays with her so a long time ago I asked DH.  Apparently she threatens suicide if guy even attempts to break up with her so he feels totally stuck.

The funniest part of all of this is that DH doesn't have a sense of smell (I'm guessing from being raised in a house with both parents smoking packs/day), so he thinks I'm making up or exaggerating the smelly friends issue.  Both of our daughters have commented on them, so I have proof that it's not just me.  I just ignore it now though because it becomes just another argument of what do I have against gaming.

I don't know these people and I think it's obvious that I believe she's not genuine in threatening suicide so perhaps the following advice is too harsh.  I would suggest that the next time he tries to break up with her, and she threatens suicide, that he calls the police.  If she is genuine then she requires the assistance of mental health professionals.  If she is faking, I would guess that the police taking her away for her own protection would ensure it doesn't happen again.

Yeah, I suggested something similar; DH just wants to stay out of it and basically said that guys don't butt into their friends' lives like women do.  I disagree and disengaged.

DH was surprised that she could get fired for smelling bad.  Um, no one wants to shop in a store where the help stinks!  And they may not tell her she's getting fired because she smells, but it's definitely not helping her hold down a job.

[cktc]

Not exaggerating, my left eye has literally started twitching when DH tries to talk to me about x-wings.

[sheilaincali]

Sept 10, 2019 19:05:04 GMT -5 cktc said:

Not exaggerating, my left eye has literally started twitching when DH tries to talk to me about x-wings.

Hubs has done it all- Xwing, War Machine, War Hammer, etc. SOOOO many trips to craft and hobby stores for paints, brushes, etc. Purchases of nail polish trays to hold the paints, carts, special totes, plastic storage bins, etc.  I hate all things "Minis" related.

He has started to pair down on the minis- The Boy announced that he wanted a non-computer based hobby so Hubs sent him a bunch of minis and painting stuff. The Boy enjoys it so he now has ALL of the paints, brushes, etc.

I was so excited, And then he started up with the freaking Magic the Gathering. Blurgh. 

[azucena]

The break-up has tipped the gaming group into limbo. DH is torn about what to do.  The other two girls sided with the girl that was dumped. They won't come to the group if the exbf is there. Honestly, he's a really immature jerk, even DH finally admitted that. DH is stuck because he doesn't want to kick an original guy out of the group.

There was a meeting without the exbf last night to try to decide what to do.  I got home late with the kids and then went to bed and forgot to ask what happened.  I've suggested that he switch from DND to board games and host whatever is left of that group once a month.  I also suggested that he could have another once-a-month with DD11 and a few of her friends and dads who have expressed interest in group games.  For now, he's still clinging to his group.  Pretty sure I have a connection at work that hosts a group once a month - I haven't brought that up yet.  I'd rather not fill every weekend again, but we'll see how this plays out.

He and DD11 have been going about once a week to the gaming shop for their game night.  I don't mind that because it's helping them stay connected - I just don't always want to be the one to check that her homework is done before she goes.  They are doing a good job of getting home by 8:30.

[finnime]

Maybe, just maybe, your DH's group has outlived its utility for its members, azucena.

[azucena]

Oct 29, 2019 17:10:28 GMT -5 finnime said:

Maybe, just maybe, your DH's group has outlived its utility for its members, azucena.

Trying not to get my hopes up. He has a staff mtg tonight so we likely won't get a chance to talk. I am considering one or those home escape room mystery kits for christmas, so it's not that I'm totally against gaming.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Slightly off topic, I need some advice on board games for the tween set.  It's been brought to my attention that my kids love board games and the ones we have are more suited for the younger crowd.  C got Apples to Apples as a gift and they both enjoy it. 

I can take this to the parenting or tween thread if it's better suited there. 

[cktc]

Oct 31, 2019 7:51:06 GMT -5 Wisconsin Beth said:

Slightly off topic, I need some advice on board games for the tween set.  It's been brought to my attention that my kids love board games and the ones we have are more suited for the younger crowd.  C got Apples to Apples as a gift and they both enjoy it. 

I can take this to the parenting or tween thread if it's better suited there. 

Azucena will probably have better suggestions. Maybe look at Exploding Kittens, What do you Meme, or Catan.

[resolution]

Ticket to Ride is an excellent game and would be suitable for tweens and adults.

[shanendoah]

Wisconsin Beth - Here are a number of games I recommend. I would say they are all better than Settlers of Catan, but that doesn't mean I haven't played a ton of hours of Settlers of Catan. (I do think Catan Jr is a better game than original Catan.) Ticket to Ride is also pretty cool. Each of these should be appropriate for older kids.

Spendor - Card game, resource management, (or shopping game). 2-4 players

Dominion - Card game, resource management, every game is different. 2+ players

Hannabi - Card game, completely cooperative, all the players win or all the players lose. Promotes creative thinking. 3+ players

Odin's Ravens: A Mythical Race - Just a fun little game. It is two players only, but really quick, and each game will be different

Letter Tycoon - Kind of like scrabble, only you get to buy patents on letters, so other players have to pay you when they use them 2-4 players

Unspeakable Words - Kind of like scrabble, but with a Cthulu theme. 2-4 players

Roll for the Galaxy - Resource management, but a bit more complicated. It's been a huge hit at our house 2-4 players (more with expansions)

Mystery at the Abbey - Traditional board game. Clue taken to the next level 3-6 players

Bob Ross, The Art of Chill - Happy little trees in a board game. 2-4 players

Pandemic - Board game, completely cooperative. You can get the regular version or the Legacy version. The Legacy version, each game builds on the previous game, so you get rewards or penalties based on how you did last game. This is probably the most popular current board game I am aware of. 2-4 players

Puerto Rico - Resource management, 3-5 players

Forbidden Desert/Island/Sky - There's lots of versions of this. Cooperative game. Good team building. 2-5 players

Tsuro - Maze game. Really quick. Fun for kids from a pretty young age, and still complex enough for adults. 2-8 players.

Castle Panic - Cooperative game. Protect your castle from invaders. 1-6 players



Apples to Apples is a Party/Parlour Game. I would categorize these games also as party games

Dixit - Create a the first line of a story based on a picture

Werewolf - social deduction game

The Resistance - social deduction game

Codenames - social deduction game

[azucena]

Oct 31, 2019 12:28:16 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Wisconsin Beth - Here are a number of games I recommend. I would say they are all better than Settlers of Catan, but that doesn't mean I haven't played a ton of hours of Settlers of Catan. (I do think Catan Jr is a better game than original Catan.) Ticket to Ride is also pretty cool. Each of these should be appropriate for older kids.

Spendor - Card game, resource management, (or shopping game). 2-4 players

Dominion - Card game, resource management, every game is different. 2+ players

Hannabi - Card game, completely cooperative, all the players win or all the players lose. Promotes creative thinking. 3+ players

Odin's Ravens: A Mythical Race - Just a fun little game. It is two players only, but really quick, and each game will be different

Letter Tycoon - Kind of like scrabble, only you get to buy patents on letters, so other players have to pay you when they use them 2-4 players

Unspeakable Words - Kind of like scrabble, but with a Cthulu theme. 2-4 players

Roll for the Galaxy - Resource management, but a bit more complicated. It's been a huge hit at our house 2-4 players (more with expansions)

Mystery at the Abbey - Traditional board game. Clue taken to the next level 3-6 players

Bob Ross, The Art of Chill - Happy little trees in a board game. 2-4 players

Pandemic - Board game, completely cooperative. You can get the regular version or the Legacy version. The Legacy version, each game builds on the previous game, so you get rewards or penalties based on how you did last game. This is probably the most popular current board game I am aware of. 2-4 players

Puerto Rico - Resource management, 3-5 players

Forbidden Desert/Island/Sky - There's lots of versions of this. Cooperative game. Good team building. 2-5 players

Tsuro - Maze game. Really quick. Fun for kids from a pretty young age, and still complex enough for adults. 2-8 players.

Castle Panic - Cooperative game. Protect your castle from invaders. 1-6 players



Apples to Apples is a Party/Parlour Game. I would categorize these games also as party games

Dixit - Create a the first line of a story based on a picture

Werewolf - social deduction game

The Resistance - social deduction game

Codenames - social deduction game

Bolded the ones that I know DD11 likes to play with DH.

I've played codenames and like it as a party game.  The kids keep trying to beat DH and I, but we have 23 years of knowing each other which gives us a complete advantage.

I keep seeing the Bob Ross games in stores and am intrigued by how that can be a game.

I bought Santorini for Christmas after hearing someone at work talk about it.  I also have blokus coming since it reminded me of tetris and I know DD7 will enjoy it.

We also like card games and often take them places that we have to wait...last year we got sushi go which took a bit for me and the kids to understand.  This year I have Blink.

Amazon reviews are my friend for games.

[azucena]

Forgot Oregon Trail the card game which DH got for me last year for nostalgia - it's a cooperative game and pretty fun. We rarely win unless we cheat a little which kinda makes it a family joke but in reality is very similar to the old school computer game.

[wvugurl26]

We've got both versions of Oregon Trail. I think we've only played the first one.

Our newest edition is Left Center Right. It was quick and fun. It comes with chips or we've used money.

[azucena]

DH's gaming group reconciled.  It wouldn't matter so much if it seemed like he cared about my opinion at all.  This along with several other incidents this week probably lead up to a come to jesus discussion soon