Getting my stuff together

[gs11rmb]

I understand you're anxious about the phone and worried that you'll lose the photographs with a factory reset.  I know it costs money but have you considered simply buying a new phone?  Keep the old one just as it is but have a new one going forward with new passwords and absolutely no spyware.  

Do you have an iphone?  If so is the "Find Friends" function activated?  My DH and I have that on our phone for one another.  It's great that I can see where he is on the way home without calling.  At the same time, we are not stalking one another.  If that's the case you can simply disable that function.

Good luck... I think you need to leave now.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Jul 13, 2019 8:14:33 GMT -5 justme said:

You don't need to change Google if you change the password. Also if it's a Samsung phone they have an app that backups everything on your phone. I forget what it's called, maybe smart switch, but I was able to download every file from my phone - including texts and photos - to my pc.

Unless work blocks it you can use the USB cord to plug into your computer and it should see your phone as a storage device you can copy the photos off of.

I've done this a couple of times actually.  If my phone dies (it's 4+ years old), I will only lose the last couple of months of the kids at the ninja gym.  Back those photos up Sam.  Please. 

I think everyone else is covering the other stuff really well.  So just hugs.

[Deleted]

My phone auto uploads photos to Dropbox, Amazon, Google Drive and I think a Samsung account although that might just be phone stuff and not pics.

[dannylion]

I think you can transfer your photos to something like an SD card and take that to Target or Walmart and have actual physical copies made.  Then you'd have them backed up on the SD card and have hard copies as well.  

[Happy prose]

I use Google photos. It is set to back up any photos on the device, so you can delete them and not take up space. Google photos has unlimited storage. Very user friendly too. You can easily make albums, share, etc. 

[shanendoah]

Spyware is really insidious. But there are people who specialize in helping you get rid of it. If for no other reason, call the domestic abuse hotline. I can almost guarantee they will have resources to help you with the spyware, as this is becoming a very common thing that abusers do.

[Knee Deep in Water Chloe]

Sam_2.0, please check in here again. 

I'm definitely not judging you, nor do I think most of us are. 

How are you? How can I help?

[Pants]

Jul 16, 2019 14:45:39 GMT -5 shanendoah said:

Spyware is really insidious. But there are people who specialize in helping you get rid of it. If for no other reason, call the domestic abuse hotline. I can almost guarantee they will have resources to help you with the spyware, as this is becoming a very common thing that abusers do.

Call them FROM SOMEONE ELSE'S PHONE. 

Or there are text lines now - you could do it from your work computer. 

[Sam_2.0]

Phone is clear.

I'm only avoiding this place because of the mental energy required to come here work and kids are first focus. It's all I have right now. I hope you all are doing well ♡ I miss you all so much. I just don't have it in me to get involved on that level at the moment. I know that sounds so bad

[ners]

Sam_2.0  Hugs.  Understand the lack of mental energy.  Do not think of it as bad but focusing on the most important.  Please check in when you can.

[wvugurl26]

I'm glad your phone is clean. Take care of yourself and kiddos.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yes, check in when you can.  I'm glad your phone is clear.  And we hear and understand on the kids and work being the priority. 

[TheOtherMe]

You know we care about you, Sam.  

[muttleynfelix]

Hugs Sam and geena.

[Sam_2.0]

Met with a new counselor today. Not our marriage/joint counselor, but at the same practice and I signed away my firstborn so they can talk and share notes 15 minutes into hearing me talk, she smiled at me kindly and said I already knew why I was there. I know what I want. And she would be there to help me with the scary parts. So we set up a plan for weekly counseling for now. Planning to look at some EMDR therapy to help me with my anxiety about what's to come.

But hearing someone in that kind of spot tell me it was ok to want out was so validating and relieving. I needed it.

Also helped a lot that H decided to stay out today instead of coming home to cook dinner as he had planned with me. He has discovered his love of cooking (and has freakishly good at it). He has taken over shopping, meal planning, and cooking. It's amazing. And makes me feel guilty...but counselor says she can help me with that too cooking is good for him and the kiddos. Focusing on what makes us all happier and healthier going forward.

Work is kinda kicking my ass. Burying myself to distract from work dude and H and life in general. Honestly though that has been fine. Work dude and I still run to grab fast good and chat when we get coffee and work well together. I was scared that would all be ruined but it wasn't at all. It's like things were 8 months ago when we first started really working together.

Long story short, I'm going to be tucked financially either way. My kiddos are going to be sad and disrupted. Not sure how H will be. But for the first time, I'm so hopeful that being happy is on the other side of this.

[justme]

My cousin's kids are a bit younger than yours - 6 and 4. It's a year now, but they adjusted pretty well. Hell her ex is military and they went with him when they moved him and it took her a few months before she could afford to move to follow him. Kiddos are doing great.

Not saying there won't be sadness, but kids are resilient and astonishingly adaptable.

[giramomma]

Sam_2.0

Know you aren't checking here often...

When you left work, did you drive? Have you had your car detailed? I've been on survivinginfidelity.com for on and off for a decade, and there's a forum just for "investigative tips." Folks will recommend GPS that you attach to cars, VAR (voice activated recorders), etc. That portion of the message board used to be wide open for anyone to look at for a good while. Now you only have access with a paid membership. Larger point is there's other ways to track someone without a cell phone.

I don't want to weird you out. Just want you to have all your bases covered..

[NomoreDramaQ1015]

 I am glad you have a neutral third party, two it appears, in you corner.   There is divorce counseling for families/kids that you can utilize to help with the transition, even if your H won't go it would likely benefit the kids.

We're also here for you whenever you want to stop by.

[TheOtherMe]

You and the kids will get through this Sam_2.0

Sounds like you found the right fit in a therapist who can guide you.

[Wisconsin Beth]

I'm glad you got a good fitting counselor.  And the weekly sessions will be good for you, it sounds like. 

[azucena]

Sam I've been thinking about you and worry when you don't get a chance to post in a while. When I was on fb, I saw that it's a tough week for you remembering Aubree. I just wanted to say that all of here are remembering her with you. Because you have been so brave in sharing her story, none of us will ever forget. Please reach out to any of us if there is anything we can do.

[TheOtherMe]

Happy birthday Aubree   

[Wisconsin Beth]

Yes, Happy Birthday Aubree.  And hugs Sam. 

[geenamercile]

Just a quick update here.  E moved out and I moved into the room he was using.  Moved YDD in there with me.  ODD has her own room.  At some point I will either move back into the master bedroom or in the basement when A moves out.  Just playing it a day at a time right now.    DH is trying, he is back to doing more around the house, looking for a part time job, but also doing two of ODD's classes with her.  Which I think is good for both of them.  Emotionally we are good friends, but something is just missing.  His constant need for validation and good jobs wears at me.  He still wants me to okay any decisions he makes.  Logically I know this is part of depression and low self esteem and all of that stuff.  And at the same time I get tired of being the one who always hugs first, or says hi first or the one who is always leading.  It is exhausting.  If there is a choice to be made and I let it be known what I think is best, or what I would do then that is what we always do, and I can never be sure if it is what he really wants to do or if he is doing it just to make me or someone else happy.  And yes that may sound great, but honestly it is exhausting, it is like having a puppy always following you around.  I have enough to think about for myself, I don't want to think for both of us.  And it is everything like tonight how should he cook the rice in the microwave or on the stove top.  I don't care I just want you to make dinner and let us eat it.  I think part of it is when I have to be constantly there for him emotionally there is no way I can trust that he can be there for me.  And I don't feel like he is capable of being there emotionally for me, it isn't that he doesn't want too, but it would be like someone barely keeping a float having another person grab on to them.           

I know that I am dealing with some of my own depression and anxiety right now too.  Part of me really doesn't want to do anything, just curl up in bed and read.  This was the first week back for students to school for everyone and right now is crazy for me, and I know I am redlining on what I am capable of doing at work.    

[finnime]

geenamercile, I get it. You can't give to everyone all the time; from someone you need to receive, too, for a full relationship. I hope as you get more immersed in the school year and get all those components figured out you have more time and energy for yourself.

[buystoys]

geenamercile.

[Wisconsin Beth]

Hugs geena. I don't have advice or suggestions just hugs and sympathy.

[geenamercile]

We had pizza for dinner tonight. It was my brother's favorite food. Today would have been his birthday. E seems to be the only one who remembers when he called today. I don't even thunks dh remembers. I wonder if he remembers that today is also his sisters anniversary. I should remind him of that just in case. ODD did come and lay with me a bit while I was looking at some pictures of him. I feel like such a downer lately and yet I still have to kepp everything going. It is hard.

[geenamercile]

And thanks all for just taking the time to read. It is hard for me to put things out there both online and in real life. I guess I am fully entrenched with being the person supporting others.

[CCL]

Aug 17, 2019 20:15:55 GMT -5 geenamercile said:

And thanks all for just taking the time to read. It is hard for me to put things out there both online and in real life. I guess I am fully entrenched with being the person supporting others.